Grateful 25 & 26 May: R&R

These 2 days after the training were much more relaxing, and they allowed me to rest and recuperate. I had a little more time to myself - catching up on routines, going for walks, and visiting Kusu Island. So, let me give thanks for: 

• D. D reached out to me early yesterday morning to ask if I would like to head to Kusu. We had spoken about it before, and I knew this trip meant a lot to him. The outing was good and gave me a welcome break from my usual routine. Above all, I had a really nice day out with D. It was thoughtful of him to buy me lunch and invite me over to his place afterwards. I am grateful for the time spent together and for his company. 

• Rest & Relax. I felt totally drained today. Perhaps it was the after-effects of the training, or maybe the visit to Kusu, where we walked quite a bit and climbed a small hillock. Whatever the reason, I felt physically exhausted. I was therefore especially thankful for the extra time I had to rest today. I managed to take a nap in the afternoon, do my laundry, and simply catch up on my own routines. 

• Walks. Despite my exhaustion, I still made it a point to go for my walks over these 2 days. I told myself that I needed to continue clocking my steps and remain disciplined. And that was exactly what I did, albeit at a slower pace. But to break the monotony, I decided to walk around Bedok Central, including the shopping mall and neighbourhood shops. It was lovely to take things easy, enjoy some snacks at the hawker centre, window shop, and clock my steps at the same time. 

Apart from the visit to Kusu, these 2 days were probably spent on simple routines - walks, laundry, watching tv, and taking naps. It was a huge contrast to the exceptionally hectic preceding few days of training. I am grateful for this slower pace, as it gave me the space to simply rest, relax, and recuperate.

Kusu Island

Made a trip to Kusu today with D to fulfill T’s last wishes. He had expressed his wish to visit the island but couldn’t do so due to his deteriorating health. 

The island had changed so tremendously much since I last visited some 5 decades ago! Then, it was a temple sited on some rocks and linked to a small hillock by a strip of sandbank that get submerged during high tide. But now, it’s a proper island with its own piers and lagoons, public amenities and all!

And similarly, the neighbouring small islands have mostly been reclaimed, enlarged and connected to each other via landlinks to became a united land mass, complete with cycling tracks, parks and all. Eye opening indeed. And it’s nice to be able to marvel at Singapore’s skyline from the southern islands. 

It was a good day out.

Grateful 23 & 24 May: An Achievement!

It's an achievement for me to have completed 4 consecutive days of training, and it was extremely exhausting. Yet amidst these 4 days, I still managed to make time for my daily walks, attend T’s wake, and tonight, I even had a double dinner and rewarded myself with a beer to celebrate this achievement. So let me give thanks for the following: 

• Smooth Training. These past 2 days, my class was a little less energetic compared to the previous run. Sensing the extremely low energy yesterday evening, I decided to make adjustments to the training plan and brought forward some of today’s activities instead. I thought it went well, and everyone ended the day happier. Towards this end, I am grateful for the familiarity I have with the content. It can only get better, although I am not sure when I will be conducting this module again. 

• Good Training Results. I received the training results for the last run last evening. It was truly uplifting for me - I obtained a 4.90 out of 5.0 score, my highest-ever score for trainer effectiveness thus far. It came as a pleasant surprise, especially considering that it was one of the biggest class I have ever managed. I am thankful for the validation the learners gave me. It was also a wonderful feeling to receive emails from some of them after class, thanking me for my facilitation and sharing that they had learned much and enjoyed the sessions. 

• Content Review. One of my peer trainers has been tasked with reviewing the module that I had just conducted, and she called me earlier today. She wanted to consult me on areas that could be improved. I am thankful for her openness in reaching out to me and humbled by the trust she has placed in me. 

These past few days have been exhausting - waking up at 5:30am and conducting training sessions till almost 6pm daily. Nonetheless, I felt a strong sense of achievement, as this was the first time I had conducted 2 consecutive runs back-to-back over 4 days. I am grateful for my familiarity with the content, the participation of the learners, and the trust given to me by my peer trainer. These were certainly the icing on the cake for me.

Grateful 21 & 22 May: Keep Going!

I am tired after two long days of training, but I am grateful for the following: 

• Energetic Class. It was one of the biggest classes I have ever had, but I was grateful that the learners were highly active and engaged. They asked deep questions and were genuinely eager to learn. Their energy kept me going. 

• Honey. I have not been feeling too well over the last couple of days. My throat was a little sore, and I was worried I might lose my voice. I was glad I had a bottle of honey in my fridge. It really helped soothe my throat.  

• Comfort. I am deeply grateful for the comfortable home that I have. I slept at 8:30pm and slept very well. I woke up at 5am feeling well-rested, and that kept me going for the rest of the day. 

The last two days have been exhausting. I hardly slept the night T passed on, and I was completely drained when I conducted the training yesterday. Yet the training ended on a high, and I remain grateful for - the energetic learners, the comfort of home, and above all, having honey at hand.

RIP

T just passed…

I cannot explain - my phone was on silent for all calls, but my phone notification was activated when the message of his passing came through; I was asleep but woke up and decided to check my phone, the message came in right when I picked up my phone…

RIP my friend…

Impending Departure

T’s condition continues to deteriorate. 

We were told he could pass away any time. Seeing him suffer, I believe we have all reached a point where we simply wish for him to go peacefully. Nonetheless, I can sense that D is still grappling with the impending loss. It was most evident when D mentioned that T wants to visit certain places, and he sighed as he shared this. Earlier, I had a brief chat with D and shared that even as we begin to grief the impending departure, we should also appreciate the good times spent with T, the camaraderie and the times spent supporting each.

Hopefully, this conversation helps him.

Grateful 19 & 20 May: Training Prep

The next few days will be busy for me - delivering training back-to-back over four days. It is the first time I will be experiencing this, and it was also a deliberate decision on my part, as one of my fellow trainers had prior commitments and asked me to help out. On this note, I give thanks for: 

• Training Content. I delivered this module last month, and the recent experience meant that I remained fairly familiar with the content. Looking back, I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to deliver it earlier. The effort I put into re-familiarising myself with the material then is now paying off, and I am deeply grateful for it.  

• Training Admin Prep. I completed all the reports and training admin 2 weeks ago. As such, the past 2 days were mainly spent going through the details again to ensure that nothing had been overlooked. Everything felt much simpler and more manageable, and I found myself feeling relatively relaxed. I am glad I did the groundwork well ahead of time. 

• Routines Remain Unaffected. With peace of mind and the assurance that things are under control, life continued largely as normal. I still met friends for meals, spent time outside, and visited T at the hospice. Despite the intensity of the upcoming training days, I am grateful that life did not become consumed by work or stress.  

The next few days will no doubt be intense. Yet, in perspective, I realised that I did not have to spend every waking moment preparing for the training. Because of familiarity with the content and the advanced preparation already done, life over the last 2 days continued normally with minimal stress. And for that sense of steadiness and balance, I am truly grateful.

Grateful 17 & 18 May: Connections

These days, life has settled into a rather familiar rhythm - visiting T daily, meeting D and sometimes his friends for meals, catching up with colleagues and simply staying connected with people around me. On the surface, things may seem routine. Yet within these routines, I continue to find meaning, warmth and moments that I am quietly grateful for.

• An Unlikely Rallying Point. T has been very unwell over the past two days and his condition has deteriorated quite significantly. He coughed up blood yesterday and was too ill to interact with us when we visited him. However, today he seemed somewhat more alert and energetic. He was able to notice our presence and, at times, utter a few words. Small things, perhaps, but they mattered. What T may never fully realise is that through his illness, he has unknowingly become a rallying point for many of us — for me, D, some of our mutual friends, and even his siblings. It is through these visits that I have also come to know D’s friends, S and V, better. Tonight, after visiting T, the 4 of us went for dinner together. In a strange but meaningful way, T has brought people together. For that, too, I am deeply thankful.

• Surprise Visit by N. I have known N since my days in the aviation industry. In fact, I had recruited him. We remained in contact even after I left the industry. So this morning, I had a pleasant surprise when N texted me at 8am with a simple “Good morning”. I was puzzled at first because he is from India and it should have been the middle of the night there. I later learnt that he was transiting in Singapore on his way to North Asia for a holiday. As his flight was only at night, he had the day to spare and we quickly arranged to meet. His wife was with him and we ended up spending a really lovely afternoon chatting over a meal. It felt spontaneous, easy and comforting - the kind of catch-up that reminds me how connections that began as professional relationships can gradually evolve into friendships, quietly enduring despite time and distance. I am really glad he reached out.

• Vegetarianism. Yesterday marked the start of the 4th lunar month and, as part of my yearly practice, I began observing vegetarianism again. I will continue to do so until Vesak Day. This is a personal practice and a commitment I made to myself as a Buddhist. After so many years, it has become almost second nature to me. Even so, I am always mindful that my dietary restrictions may inconvenience friends when we meet for meals during this period. What touched me over these 2 days was how readily friends adjusted their own meal choices so that we could dine together - just like how D, S and V decided on an impromptu vegetarian dinner today! It reminded me again that meals are never just about food. There is something deeply comforting about sharing a table, adjusting for one another and simply enjoying each other’s company. Honestly, food always tastes better when eaten communally. 

So while these days may appear routine on the surface, they have also been filled with quiet moments that remind me how fortunate I am to have people around me who continue to connect, make space for one another and journey together through both ordinary and difficult days.

Grateful 15 & 16 May: T

It has been two meaningful days for me, and both centred around T, my terminally ill friend. I want to talk about it here, and also share what I am grateful for. 

• T. I have known T since last July. It was through D that I got to know him much better. Without going into too much detail, there was once when T walked past me and handed me a sweet. I appreciated that simple gesture very much, and on another occasion, I went up to thank him. That was how we first got to know each other. I later learnt from D that T had initially mistaken us to be partners. Nonetheless, the 3 of us eventually spent quite a bit of time together. It came as quite a rude shock when he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. His cancer was highly aggressive, and within the last 6 months, he had deteriorated to the point where he is now mostly bedridden. He has been given a prognosis of a few weeks to, at most, 2 - 3 months. I am grateful for his friendship. It may have been short, but I can see that he is of good character, and I deeply appreciate the warmth and kindness he has shown me. 

• T’s siblings. Over the past few weeks, I have gotten to know T’s siblings and spoken with them on many occasions. They do not know the circumstances of how D and I came to know T, nor do they know that both of us are gay. On one occasion, it was slightly awkward when T’s sister asked me about my wife and children, but I politely changed the topic. Nonetheless, I am grateful to them for being so hospitable and gracious towards us, and for treating us as T’s close friends. 

• Visit to River Wonders. T had expressed a wish to visit River Wonders to see pandas. He had never seen a real panda before, and Wish Ambulance Singapore organised the visit for him. T invited D and I to join him and his siblings. It was a lovely visit, though also a poignant one, knowing this could possibly be the last time he would leave the hospice alive. The mood throughout the visit felt heavy in an unspoken way. Everyone was cheerful and happy to see the animals and the panda, but at the same time, we could all see how tired he was and how much effort it took for him to keep going. The visit lasted only about 4 - 5 hours, but it was obvious that it had completely drained him by the time the visit ended. I am grateful he invited me. It gave me the opportunity to know his family better and to be part of what may well be his final outing. 

• Supporting T & D. D and I visited him again today, and he had clearly not recovered from the outing. He was exhausted and could barely stay awake most of the time we were there. D and I chatted quietly while he slept, occasionally coughing and needing to clear his sputum. I could also sense D managing his own grief as he watched T slowly fade away. It was a sombre sight. I told myself that I want to be there as much as my schedule allows - not just to keep T company, but also to support D during this period. I am grateful that I can be there for both of them in some small way. 

So this post is really about T. I would not dare to say that I know him very well, but when a friend is in this state of health, it is difficult not to reach out. I am grateful that he opened up and extended his friendship to me. He is straight, but very accepting and comfortable around us. D often tells me that T would say I am a little too serious and should loosen up more. He also liked teasing me together with some of our mutual friends. I am glad that I can be around to bring him some comfort and to support him as he walks through these final weeks of his life.

Grateful 13 & 14 May: Showing Up...

I think I have found a new routine over the last two weeks, and I am glad I did. I have been visiting my friend T regularly whenever my schedule allows, and it has been something very meaningful for me. I would usually visit him with D, and through these visits, I have also gotten to know D better. Apart from visiting T, my days have also been filled with activities such as attending events, meeting friends and simply staying connected with people. The past two days were very much like that. As I consolidate my thoughts tonight, I want to give thanks for the following: 

• Grandma’s Death Anniversary. Yesterday, I made a trip to the columbarium to commemorate my grandma’s 51st death anniversary. I believe I am the only one in my generation who still does this. I was glad that the skies cleared when I visited. It turned out to be a lovely visit. Being a weekday, the columbarium was quiet and almost empty. Rather than making me think about death, the many tombstones and niches reminded me of the countless stories that each departed person carried in life. In a way, cemeteries and columbaria are like huge libraries that preserve the stories of the past. They connect us to our ancestors, our memories and ultimately, our own stories. On a separate note, it was interesting that when I updated my aunt about visiting my grandma’s niche, she remarked that grandma had passed on so long ago that it was probably no longer useful to burn joss paper, since she would not be able to enjoy whatever we offered. It was such a cute yet practical remark. To me, paying respect to our ancestors is as much about remembering them as it is about remembering the living and the values they left behind in us. This year, I did not make any offerings. Instead, I made a small donation to the temple in her name, and somehow, that felt more meaningful. 

• Meeting K. I met K for tea after visiting the columbarium, and we had a very nice catch-up. It had been quite some time since we last met, as he has been busy adjusting to his new job. It was such a coincidence that he was free yesterday. I was also glad that I managed to convince him to visit T with me today. T was so happy to see K, and I felt grateful to have been able to bring him some joy and companionship, even if only for a while. 

• Chatting with B. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with B last evening. We spoke about many things, including our families and our respective practices when it comes to remembering and respecting the departed. B is from Malaysia, and Malaysians tend to commemorate such occasions in a much louder and more traditional manner. Yet, from what he shared, I sensed that the underlying familial bonds and filial piety are very similar. I shared with him about commemorating my grandma’s anniversary, and he was surprised that I still continue to do so more than 50 years after her passing. It was a lovely conversation, and I felt deeply warmed by the exchange. 

• Growth.  I attended an AI workshop today, and it was surprisingly fun. We learnt how to create apps, images and videos using AI tools. This workshop is the first of many sessions aimed at helping us better understand AI and how it can support our work and daily lives. One thing I appreciated was the effort being made to help ordinary people become more comfortable with AI instead of being left behind by it. We will also receive fundings sponsored by the government to subscribe to some AI tools after the workshop, which I am thankful for. Personally, I make it a point to attend such workshops not simply because they are free of charge, but because they keep me engaged with the larger community. More importantly, they provide me with opportunities to continue learning and staying updated with what is happening in the world around us. I am looking forward to exploring more in the months ahead. 

These were some of the highlights from the past 2 days. As I reflect on them, I realise how much this season of life has become centred around presence - being present for friends, staying connected to memories of loved ones, and continuing to learn and grow. That, probably, is what growing older is increasingly about: not chasing after big moments, but quietly showing up for people, memories and experiences that matter. For all these moments, both quiet and meaningful, I am deeply grateful.

Grooming

I had lunch with D today before visiting T at the hospice. I brought along my hair trimmer and managed to give T a haircut and shave. He had been in the hospital for quite a while and had not been able to visit the barber or properly shave. It was good to see his face brighten up after the haircut and shave! It may seem like a simple act of grooming, but I think it went beyond that. It gave him back a sense of self and dignity.  

Glad I could bring him some cheer!

Grateful 11 & 12 May: Living life

So life has been happening and here’re some things that I thought worth capturing and thankful for:

• Dentist. I chipped a molar and went to the dentist. It turned out to be quite a pleasant experience (not just because I thought the dentist was cute). He gave my teeth a thorough cleaning and explained that part of the crown had broken off. He said he could remove and repair the crown, but there was a risk of chipping the tooth beneath it. Instead, he suggested simply smoothing the chipped area first and seeing how things go. I was glad and grateful for his honesty, as some dentists might have immediately recommended removing the crown for business reasons.

• Friends. I have been visiting T at the hospice whenever I can over the past few days, and during my visit yesterday, I managed to catch up with D, S, and V. While I meet D quite frequently, it is much harder to do so with S and V because of their work schedules. So it was really lovely spending time with them. They are D’s lifelong friends, and I only got to know them late last year. I’m grateful that our paths crossed becos they are genuinely nice people.

• Buddy. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with my buddy, and we were able to share more openly about our feelings. I’m grateful for his presence over the last two years following my breakup. Let’s see how things develop. Whether we remain friends or eventually become partners is perhaps less important than having someone we can talk to, confide in, support, and eventually grow old with.

• Invite. I had arranged to meet J for lunch this Friday but decided to take a rain check because T invited me to join him on a visit to the River Safari. The trip is organised by Ambulance Wish Singapore, a charity that fulfils the final wishes of terminally ill patients. T asked for this visit because he has never seen a real-life panda before. I feel both grateful and honoured by the invitation. I’m now thinking of preparing some durian purée for him. He has often lamented his inability to eat, and I thought he might enjoy it.

• Extended Family. I joined my aunt, uncle and cousins for dinner last evening. It was the first gathering for us since the passing of my eldest aunt two weeks ago. The dinner was warm, relaxed, and surprisingly positive in mood. I’m grateful to my cousin PL for extending the invitation and to ML for buying grapes for me. These may seem like small gestures, but they spoke volumes to me. Being included in their family dinner meant a lot.

• Training Prep. I have two more modules to deliver next week, and with over 30 learners to teach, the amount of training admin and reports to draft is huge! But I’m proud to say that I have completed all the preparation work and drafted the reports. Barring any last-minute changes, such as the addition of new learners, I can now focus fully on reviewing the content. 

• Validation. I received the training evaluation report last night for the programme I conducted over the weekend. The learners rated the training highly, and the findings strongly validated the positive learning experiences they had throughout the programme. 

So yes, there has been much to capture over the past two days. Perhaps it reflects the richness of my life in this season: relatives, friends, companionship, and work. All these matter deeply to me because they align closely with what I want to focus on this year — remaining grounded in gratitude, living with purpose and compassion, nurturing relationships that matter, and caring for my health and well-being.

Grateful 10 May: Perfecto!

I have finally completed the training! I delivered the module over the last 2 days. As with all training sessions, I started very early in the morning and remained busy all the way until early evening. But this time round, everything unfolded so smoothly, and I am deeply thankful for it. More than that, I found myself genuinely enjoying the experience instead of constantly firefighting issues or worrying about what might go wrong. Here are my gratitude reflections: 

• Training. I successfully delivered the module over the last 2 days. The class was the smallest I have ever had, and I initially felt somewhat apprehensive about whether I would be able to create a positive learning experience for the learners. But my apprehensions turned out to be unfounded. In fact, it was precisely because of the small class size that I was able to interact meaningfully with every single learner. There was hardly a moment when anyone seemed disengaged, and I could genuinely feel the collective energy of the class throughout the sessions. The atmosphere felt warm, lively, and positive, and I found myself enjoying the interactions rather than simply focusing on completing the training. I am truly grateful that I was able to give proper attention to every learner and create a learning space that felt engaging for everyone. 

• Assessment. I was also especially thankful that the assessment process went exceptionally smoothly. Every learner completed the assessment ahead of time, which is something I rarely encounter. In addition, I only needed to conduct recovery for two learners, and even then, it was not because they lacked understanding of the content. Rather, they had simply missed out parts of the questions. Looking back, this was probably one of the best assessment outcomes I have ever achieved for this module. I believe the small class size certainly helped, but I also recognise that the additional preparation I put in beforehand made a significant difference. It was reassuring to see that the effort invested behind the scenes translated into a positive outcome for the learners. 

• Smooth Training Admin. I am equally grateful that all the training admin matters - attendance taking, portal access, logistics, and coordination - went without a hitch. Usually, there are bound to be technical issues somewhere along the way: QR codes failing to load, learners being unable to access attendance pages, or last-minute admin complications that require follow-up reports afterwards. But this time, everything simply worked! The absence of disruptions allowed me to focus fully on the learners and the delivery itself, instead of dividing my attention between teaching and troubleshooting. That alone made the entire experience feel lighter and far more enjoyable.  

Looking back, I think what I am most grateful for is not simply that the training went well, but that I was able to experience the entire process with a sense of calmness, confidence, and enjoyment. The smooth delivery, positive learner engagement, lively interactions, excellent assessment outcomes, and seamless admin all came together in a way that made these two days deeply fulfilling for me as a trainer. Tonight, I can finally rest with a genuine smile on my face, grateful for everyone and everything that made this possible.

Grateful 8 May: All Systems Go!

I thought it was necessary to write an entry today rather than wait till tomorrow, as I will probably be too exhausted after a full day of training delivery. So here goes: 

• Training Preparation Completed. I agreed to take over the training on Tuesday while I was in the midst of attending my aunt’s wake. The training delivery is scheduled for this weekend, which meant I had only 3 days to prepare. That is an incredibly tight timeline, but I agreed readily as there was no one else available to do it. This is probably the fastest I have ever completed my training preparation: content review, report writing, activity sheets, and so on. I am glad I had conducted this module before and had previously spent considerable time going through every slide and activity in detail. That familiarity allowed me to ramp up the preparation incredibly quickly. 

• Canvas Down. I learned from a fellow trainer this morning that there was a worldwide Canvas outage. This followed the recent hacking of the Canvas Learning Management System (LMS). It got many of us worried, as we rely on the system to distribute learning materials and conduct assessments. Another trainer asked me whether I thought the LMS issue would be resolved by tomorrow, and I replied, “Pessimistically optimistic - especially since it’s a global outage. Even if they get it up, they will still need to check the settings to ensure everything is properly in place, and that would take time.” With that in mind, I immediately went into contingency planning mode and converted the assessment documents into Word files in case the IT department could not get the LMS up in time. I was relieved to receive a text late in the evening saying that the system was back up and everything had been restored. Grateful to the IT department for their quick actions. I did a check and everything looks good. Hopefully it runs smoothly this Sunday! 

• All Systems in Place. Barring any more unforeseen issues, it is all systems go for tomorrow’s training. And that is not easy given the sheer number of processes that need to be in place: LMS setup, trainer portal setup (for training administration, attendance taking, assessment recording, training evaluation, etc.), government attendance tracking settings, and more. I am grateful to the operations team for putting all these in place at such short notice. Ironically, I think it was precisely because it was an urgent last-minute change that everyone paid extra attention to it. Still, I am grateful for the support and teamwork. 

So yes, today was very much about training preparation. Despite the last-minute shock of the system downtime, everything got sorted out and it is now all systems go. Beyond that, I also managed to catch up with PY over a very nice lunch, visited T at the hospice again, and achieved my exercise goal by walking some 10 km before taking the bus home after the visit. All in all, it was a productive day.

Looking forward to the training tomorrow!

Grateful 6 & 7 May: People & Life

I had a busy 2 days. Yesterday, I attended my aunt’s funeral, met up with some friends for lunch, and then visited another friend at the hospital. And today, it was training preparation before I decided to visit my friend at the hospital again. Despite the packed schedule, it was meaningful, especially as it involved a full spectrum of people in my life. So let me give thanks for the following: 

• Family & Friends. The theme that ran through these 2 days centred around life and the people who journey with me through it. My aunt’s funeral was an emotional event, especially when the casket was moved in for the cremation. The event reminded me of how short life is, having known and interacted with my aunt since I was young, and now she is gone. I was also reminded of mortality when I had lunch with a friend who is suffering from cancer, and later when I visited another friend who is in the final weeks/ months of his life. These events reminded me of the importance of valuing life and being thankful for the time we have with our family and friends. 

• Fellow Trainers. Apart from the many activities happening, I was also caught up with training preparation. 2 days ago, I received a call from a peer trainer. She sounded flustered as the training dates given to her at short notice clashed with her other commitments, and she asked if I could stand in for her. The training is over the coming weekend. With only 4 days before the training delivery, it was indeed very last minute. I agreed as I had delivered this module before. Above all, I was thankful that it gave me the opportunity to stay familiar with this particular module. But more importantly, I was thankful that I was able to stand in for my fellow trainer. 

• Self. It had been an extremely exhausting few days with the wake, the early funeral, and days packed with activities - lunch, hospital visits, training preparation, and so on. So I am thankful that I was able to sleep well through the night over the last two nights. This is especially meaningful given the many nights of insomnia I had before that. The sleep was really good, and I woke up feeling properly rested. 

It had been an interesting 2 days where life, busyness, and loss all sat alongside each other. One moment, we are grieving someone who has passed on; the next, we are supporting those still fighting through illness, while continuing with our own responsibilities and routines. Significantly, these 2 days involved the full spectrum of people in my life - family, friends, peer trainer, and my own self. And perhaps that is what life really is - learning to hold joy, sorrow, purpose, fatigue, and gratitude all at the same time. And for that awareness, I am thankful.

Grateful 4 & 5 May: Wake

It’s been two long days attending and helping out at the wake. Tomorrow is the funeral. The prayers will start at 7:45am and the cremation will be at 9:30am. I need to leave my place at 6am, so I’m going to keep this post short and simply focus on what I am grateful for. 

• Managing the Living. It was supposed to be a Buddhist funeral, but when I first arrived at the wake, I noticed all the Taoist paraphernalia - paper house, car, gold and silver mountains, and other elaborate offerings. I later learned that another aunt had raised the need, and my cousins had dutifully arranged for them. The exact same thing happened during my dad’s funeral. It reminded me once again that funerals are not just about honouring the dead, but also about comforting the living. Sometimes people do certain things not because they believe in them, but because they want to give others peace of mind, avoid regret, and allow everyone to grieve without conflict. I was grateful that the family understood this and chose harmony over insistence. 

• Folding Joss Paper. Given that it’s a Buddhist-Taoist funeral, much of the last two days was spent folding joss paper. Everyone chipped in quietly. Perhaps what’s important was not about preparing offerings for the deceased but more about what it did for the living. Sitting together, folding paper and chatting in between moments of silence gave us space to gather, reconnect, and simply be present with one another. I’m thankful for this simple yet meaningful tradition. 

• Funeral Preparations. It was touching to see everyone dressed according to their generation’s colour. At a glance, you could tell who were from my generation (the children), my nieces and nephews (the grandchildren), and my grandniece and grandnephew (the great-grandchildren). It reminded me that funerals are not just about death, but also about continuity - about family lines, relationships, and belonging. These traditions may appear old-fashioned to some, but I find something deeply meaningful in them. They bring structure and clarity during a time when emotions can easily feel overwhelming. 

Tomorrow will no doubt be emotional. But more than anything else, I find myself grateful to witness how closely knit this family is. Over these two days, I have watched them look out for one another in both big and small ways - helping with funeral matters, checking in on one another, reminding each other to eat, and making sure no one carries the burden alone. In moments like this, you see clearly what family truly means. And I am grateful to be part of that extended family.

Orphan

“I’m finally an orphan at 64 years old” my cousin said. 

$2.50

It’s been sometime since I had a meal that cost me only $2.50. And top it off, it tasted really good! I believe only an Asian will understand what I mean when I say - fragrance of steaming hot rice!

Grateful 3 May: RIP

My aunt just passed on 2 hours ago. I am still processing the news even as I type this. So let me keep this short and give thanks for: 

• My Aunt. She was in her 90s and had lived a long and full life. I was about to leave my Buddhist class when my cousin’s WhatsApp came in: “My mum just passed away at the hospital.” Everything came to a standstill for a moment. I last saw her during CNY and she was already frail then. I may not have been as close to her as I was to another aunt, but the passing of an elder in the family still carries weight. Her quiet presence over the years helped hold the extended family together, and I am grateful for that. 

• My Cousins. I am thankful to my cousins for rallying around my aunt during her final years. They have consistently included me in their regular family gatherings, and that gave me a strong sense of belonging. In particular, I am grateful to PL for remembering me and informing me of her passing. We had spoken before about managing the eventuality of my aunt’s passing. The next few days will no doubt be emotionally and physically draining for her and the rest of the family. For this evening, I will give them space to settle the immediate arrangements and visit tomorrow when things are a little more settled. 

• My Extended Family. We all move through different phases of life, and I am at an age where family gatherings increasingly happen at what we Chinese call “white events” rather than “red events”. In the coming days, I will likely reconnect with many of my other cousins and relatives during the wake. Despite the occasion, there is something quietly comforting about families coming together again. Perhaps this too is part of what keeps a family connected across generations.

My aunt was in her 90s and, mentally, I think all of us knew her passing would come sooner rather than later. Still, when it finally happens, it feels unsettling. Yet beneath the sadness, I also sense other emotions - gladness that her passing was peaceful, relief that her suffering has ended, gratitude that she was surrounded by family in her final moments, and a quiet sense of celebration for a life that was long lived. And perhaps my cousin expressed it best when he said, “Mom is in a better place and she is finally reunited with my dad once again.” 

RIP Ah Kor.

Grateful 2 May: Rest & Recuperate

After an intense week, the last thing I expected was a difficult night and poor sleep. So I decided to just take things slow today. And for that, I am grateful for: 

• Mind. Allowing myself to rest a little longer. After my morning meditation, I decided to go back to bed and rest a while more. There’s no rush to engage in deep thinking or handle heavy work. It’s simply a day to slow down, breathe, and take things gently. My mind needs this break, and I’m grateful for it. 

• Body. The opportunity to pause and give myself the space to simply laze in bed. No stress to do anything intense or physical. Just being spontaneous and napping if I feel like it. After a week of constantly moving and doing, the pause for my body feels necessary. 

• Stomach. Taking things easy and not stressing my stomach, especially after the indigestion from last night’s oily Chinese food. So today’s meals were light and without the pressure to have my “usual” meals on time. Just slow walks, watery porridge, and plenty of water to settle the stomach. It’s a day to recover and reset. 

Being intentional about resting and giving myself the space to recuperate is probably the best thing I can do for myself today. And I’m grateful that I made the decision to do so, especially after a night of poor sleep and feeling uncomfortable from indigestion. Sometimes, our body has a way of telling us to slow down when our mind keeps wanting to push on. Today felt like one of those reminders.

Grateful 1 May: Home

It’s Labour Day, a public holiday, and I finally decided to do something I had wanted to do for quite a while - visit Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. By all accounts, it was meant to be a restful day, but I ended up experiencing much more than that. On that note, let me give thanks for the following: 

• Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. Finally made it to the reserve. It had been on my mind for quite some time, and although I had made several attempts previously, they never materialised for various reasons. I took a two-hour journey there, only to stay about 45 minutes because of an impending thunderstorm. Still, I was glad I went. I managed to hike through the coastal trail and mangrove swamp, and from across the waters, I could even see Malaysia. For a moment, I felt like a local tourist. Stepping out of my usual spaces and routines turned out to be a refreshing escape. 

• Foreign Workers. The visit to the northern part of Singapore, made up largely of industrial estates, felt somewhat surreal. Yet, I am thankful I made the trip because it allowed me to experience a side of Singapore that I would not normally encounter if I had remained within familiar spaces. Being a public holiday, it was also a day off for many foreign workers. The buses and trains were crowded with South Asians - Indians, Bangladeshis, and others - and for a moment, it hardly felt like Singapore. Admittedly, I felt somewhat uncomfortable because everything around me felt unfamiliar. But upon reflection, these workers are far away from home, making sacrifices and filling labour gaps that many of us would not take on ourselves. And for that, I am grateful. 

• “Homecoming”. After the visit, I made my way to Marine Parade via the MRT. Marine Parade is a place I grew up in and one that feels deeply familiar to me. What struck me during the journey was how noticeably the profile of commuters changed along the way - from one that were made up almost entirely of South Asians to one that was far more heterogeneous and reflective of Singapore’s broader demographic mix. The contrast felt especially stark. It felt like a homecoming of sorts. There was a sense of familiarity and safety in returning to a place that felt like home. I had a late lunch, made my way back, and by then I was thoroughly exhausted. Thankfully, I managed to get some rest. 

In all, today reminded me how easy it is to remain within familiar spaces and routines. Yet sometimes, stepping outside them - even briefly - allows us to see life, people, and even ourselves a little differently. Perhaps gratitude also comes from learning to sit with both comfort and discomfort, and recognising that every person around us is simply trying to build a life the best way they know how.

Grateful 30 Apr: Energies

I have made a commitment to live my life with a sense of purpose and compassion, and being a coach has allowed me to do just that. The thing about coaching and supporting people is that you get to walk alongside them through their journeys. You experience their excitement, their disappointments, their uncertainties, and sometimes even their quiet acceptance of where life is taking them. That was what I experienced today. I caught up with a few friends, and what struck me was how differently each of them navigated their own defining moments. I’m grateful to have been part of their journeys, even if only for a while. 

• Enthusiasm. A friend shared that her interview had been short and that she did not expect much from it. Even so, she appreciated the opportunity to practise her interviewing skills and treated it as a useful experience. Later in the day, I received an enthusiastic text from her saying that she had received two offers from two other companies. You could almost feel the excitement through the message. It’s indeed a good position to be in. “Sleep on it, think through the offers, and respond next week,” I suggested. I’m genuinely happy for her and grateful that she trusted me enough to let me walk this part of the journey with her. 

• Matter of Fact. I had a long lunch with a friend who has cancer. I’ve kept in touch with her over the past few years since leaving the company. As always, I checked in on her health. She shared very matter-of-factly that her condition has not improved and that she does not expect to live beyond another three to five years. She has already planned for her end-of-life care and funeral arrangements. There was something sobering about hearing her speak about it so calmly, almost pragmatically. Yet, that has always been who she is. I’ve always admired her zest for life and the courage with which she faces her condition head-on. 

• Quiet. I also touched base with another who had been terminated, and today was her last day. She did not say much, and her responses were mostly brief, one-word replies. I could sense her quiet mood, and perhaps it was understandable, considering she had spent quite a few years with the company. Her last day was a quiet affair - de-kitting, returning her belongings, packing up her things, and leaving. No drama, no confrontation, just a chapter coming to an end. Still, I was glad she could leave with some dignity and closure, and I wished her all the very best for whatever comes next. I’m thankful to have walked alongside her through this difficult period. 

It’s been an interesting day. Three different people, each navigating their own defining moments in very different ways - one stepping into new possibilities with excitement, one facing mortality with calm acceptance, and one quietly closing a long chapter of her life. Life moves differently for all of us. Today, I was allowed to witness a small part of these journeys. Above all, supporting them through these moments also reminded me why I chose this path for myself - to live purposefully and compassionately. For that, I am grateful.

Grateful 28 & 29 Apr: Navigating X

I didn’t post an entry yesterday. I was too drained and by the time I wanted to, it was close to midnight. I chose to prioritise rest. So for today, I want to pen a few things that I am grateful for over these 2 days: 

• Navigating Life. I had an over 3-hour chat with a peer coach who is going through quite a bit at the moment. I could relate to many of the challenges she shared - depression, retrenchment, losing loved ones and so on. I have experienced these on a personal level. On my way home, she texted me to express deep gratitude - for helping her process her thoughts and giving her clarity on what to focus on moving ahead. In turn, I felt grateful for the chat. It reminded me of the principles I have come to hold on to - and how I want to show up for others. 

• Navigating Career Choices. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with an ex-colleague who is currently between jobs and overwhelmed by multiple responses from potential employers. We walked through her thought process together. These decisions are not easy, especially when they intersect with personal, financial, and family considerations - made more difficult by competing priorities in the short and long term. We slowed things down to make sense of what actually mattered to her. 

• Navigating Career Directions. In a separate conversation with another person, we spoke at length about career and direction. It has been 3 years of such regular sessions, and I notice recurring themes. Yet, despite intentions to follow up, much is often not acted upon. I could sense selective listening - he focused on what felt important in the moment, but avoided the core issues. I recognised that pattern. I have been there myself. Still, these conversations give him a space to speak openly. It also means something that he is able to share things he does not even tell his wife - his deepest fears and thoughts. 

• Navigating Termination. I had been in conversation with someone about her termination. It had been a long, drawn-out process, and I was glad she has finally accepted the terms offered by her employer. She will be leaving tomorrow. I managed to speak with her today to check in on how she is doing and whether there is anything I can help with. It was good to see her in high spirits - a huge contrast to the downtrodden and angry person I spoke with two months back. I am glad she is able to part on good terms.

• Navigating Finality. I visited T at the hospital again. This time, the conversation took a more sombre turn. He shared that he has decided to stop all treatments and be transferred to a community hospital to spend his final days. He spoke about it in a very matter-of-fact way - no bitterness, no sadness, just a quiet acceptance of the journey ahead. It was also a practical decision. There is no cure, and any further treatment would only prolong the pain. I mostly kept quiet and listened as he shared his thoughts. There was no need to respond. If anything, I wasn’t sure what I could say. In a way, I am glad he has come to this decision. 

It is empowering to know that people around me feel comfortable reaching out when they are at crossroads. Draining as it can be, I am glad to walk with them through their thought processes. At the same time, I recognise that showing up for people is not always about guiding or helping them find answers. Sometimes it is about asking the right questions. Sometimes it is about holding space. And sometimes, like today, it is simply about being present and bearing witness, without needing to say anything at all. I am grateful for the trust and for the opportunity to be part of these moments. In their own way, they continue to shape how I understand presence and patience.

Grateful 27 Apr: In Sickness & In Health

Today passed very quickly. It felt as though one moment flowed into the next, and before I knew it, the day had ended. Today centred around people - people I connected with, and who in turn shared their challenges and experiences with me. Let me reflect on what happened today, and what I am grateful for.

• Letting Go. I visited T again at the hospital. It was good to see him still able to chat despite his pain. More importantly, he was able to speak openly about his condition and prognosis - about 3 months. What stood out was his clarity. He spoke about having done what mattered to him, having had the closures he needed, and being ready to go whenever the time comes. It was not an easy conversation and I had to be extremely sensitive. We agreed that all of us (myself included) have an expiry date and that we are all in the same queue. The only difference is - we do not know when our turn is and that it is beyond us, 人算不如天算. I was glad I could simply be present and hold space for him in that moment. If anything, I hope it gave him an outlet to express what was in his heart.

• Celebrating Health. I went for my regular health check today, a follow-up to the urine and blood tests from a couple of weeks ago. There were no concerns. My health markers were all in good range, and the doctor agreed to gradually reduce some of my medication, with the intention of eventually stopping them altogether. This feels like a reassuring step forward in my health journey.

• Celebrating Life. In a separate conversation with a former colleague turned coachee turned friend, I learned that he has moved into a new place. At the same time, he shared that his wife had found a lump in her breast and gone for a biopsy. It came as a shock to me, and I could sense the worry beneath his words. Later in the evening, he updated me that the result was benign. What a relief. That news lifted the emotional weight of the day quite a bit. There were also other brief exchanges - another friend sharing about dealing with alopecia and wanting to meet, and another letting me know she had taken a step towards becoming a coach.

Today was ultimately about people in different states of their journey - some facing uncertainty, some finding relief, and others moving forward. Through these conversations, I am reminded of how closely life and vulnerability are intertwined. I am left with a deep appreciation for the chance to witness these moments, and to be present, even briefly, in the lives of those who crossed my path today.

Grateful 26 Apr: 生老病死

I’m in a reflective mood today. I’m at an age where I can look back and appreciate the various stages of life. I am grateful for life’s experiences, with all their ups and downs. It so happened that today, I came face to face with many aspects of life’s realities. So let me reflect a little on them here. 

• Birth 生. It’s nice to see birthday greetings coming in for an ex-colleague in the group chat this morning (even as she subsequently clarified that her birthday was last month). Still, I’m grateful for this positive moment, especially as it balances the recent news of the hospitalisation of a friend and another friend’s mother. 

• Growing Old 老. I’m growing older by the day, and I’m better able to appreciate the aches and pains my parents used to talk about. I’m experiencing it now - waking up with aches and feeling like the body needs time to warm up. But I also recognise that being where I am is not a bad thing. I have accumulated life experience, and nothing quite replaces lived experience. In that sense, I am grateful for the wisdom that life has bestowed.

• Falling Sick 病. I woke up feeling my flu worsening. I didn’t sleep well, given the blocked nose, scratchy throat, and frequent coughing - so much so that I had to wake up to take some honey to soothe my throat. Still, I made it a point to head out for my meals and to pay a visit to T. Part of me knows I should have rested, but another part of me didn’t want to give in to being unwell. Reflecting on this, not feeling well has raised my awareness of the good health I have generally enjoyed. For that, I give thanks. I am reminded that things move in cycles, and perhaps the lesson for me is not just to push through, but also to know when to slow down and recuperate.

• Death 死. I have experienced many deaths in my life - my parents, cousins, friends, colleagues, and even my pets. That is the reality of the journey every one of us will take. I received a message last night that T, my friend with oesophageal cancer, has been hospitalised again. I have witnessed how his health has deteriorated so quickly over the past few months. I visited him in the hospital. Much as I’d love to, I didn’t stay long as it was painful for him to speak. From our conversation, I sensed his frustrations with how this illness is dragging and a quiet acceptance of the eventuality. I just listened and held space for him. I’m grateful to him for the friendship, and I can only wish him comfort and be present for him.

It’s interesting that in the course of a single day, I am reminded of life’s realities - birth, growing old, falling sick, and death, or in Chinese, 生老病死. This is a journey all of us must go through, and as a Buddhist, I accept and embrace it. More importantly, it reminds me to be more intentional with how I live each day - not just to stay present, but to choose where I place my time and energy while I still can.

Hmmm…

I wondered how many secretly wished he had succeeded…

Grateful 25 Apr: Restful

I had a very good night’s sleep, knocking off completely at 10pm. It has been a long time since I last slept that early. I slept through the night and woke up at 7.30am - and that was when I felt it: a flu coming on. So I decided that today would be a simple, restful day. No hiking, no shopping, nothing unnecessary. I stayed in most of the day, catching up on my report submission, resting, and sleeping. On that note, I’m grateful for the following:

• Home medication. I woke up this morning feeling quite miserable - my throat was tight, my body felt warm, and there was an overall ache. I was so glad I had medication at home: the usual Panadol for cold and flu, Anarex muscle relaxants, and the works. The medication helped me relax and alleviated the flu symptoms, allowing me to take a good nap in the afternoon. It was genuinely refreshing.

• Food. Despite feeling unwell, I still managed to head out for my meals. It’s comforting to know that food is always nearby. I had lunch at Simei and dinner at Bedok - familiar meals that warmed both the stomach and the heart.

• Peace & comfort. If anything, I’m proud of myself for completing all the training reports and submitting them this morning. It lifted a weight off my mind and allowed me to rest without being distracted by unfinished work. I’m also grateful for having a comfortable home - and for living alone. It allowed me to rest fully, without feeling self-conscious. So yes, today was truly a restful day, and I choose to celebrate rest. 

I had a deeply restful day, made possible by a calm mind free from the pressure of incomplete work - and, just as importantly, by simple medication that eased the physical discomfort. Personally, I think what I felt today was, to a large extent, brought on by the pressure I placed on myself over the training. I’ve been a perfectionist for a long time, and I’m starting to see that this may not serve me well moving forward - it is simply too energy-sapping. This is something I need to be more mindful of and manage.

Grateful 24 Apr: Little moments

I have finally completed the 2-day training, and I’m totally totally drained. Frankly, today started off quite badly. I didn’t sleep well last night and experienced sleep paralysis and disturbed sleep. I think I might have been too stressed about the training. But I’m really glad it ended well. I felt good. And amid this very draining day, I want to give thanks for the following: 

• Rainbow. I woke up at 4 a.m. Still, I made it a point to head out to Simei for breakfast. The breakfast and the walk gave me a sudden moment of clarity - I thought of an additional activity that I could use to deepen the learners’ understanding. But what made the morning special was the sudden appearance of a rainbow while I was walking home. It was a beautiful sight, and it lifted me somewhat from the strain of thinking about how to manage the many activities I had to orchestrate today. I’m really grateful for this moment. It’s quite lovely how such unplanned things can lift one up. 

• Creative time management. I started today worried about ending too early. Added to that, I knew it would be a very challenging day - there was content to teach, activities to run, individual oral assessments, written assessments, and a whole lot of admin to complete. And indeed, it was. I was totally drained by the end of the day. I didn’t even have time for lunch as I had to conduct the assessments through lunch. That said, I think things went more smoothly than I expected. In this regard, I want to acknowledge myself for managing to hold everything together and get through the day. I can see that it comes from the familiarity with the content and the mastery I’ve built up over time, and I’m grateful for that. 

• Supportive friends. Interestingly, throughout the day, I had friends texting me to check in and see if I was okay. Some knew I had training and sent words of support, while a couple of others simply reached out to say hello. Amid the busyness of the training and the juggling of many activities, these messages became little boosts of encouragement for me, and I’m really grateful for that. The day ended with a surprise text from B asking if I was free to meet for dinner at the airport. It was an impromptu arrangement, but it allowed me a good catch-up that lifted me quite a bit. I’m thankful for the presence of these friends and their thoughtfulness in reaching out. 

Today was a draining day. But the little moments - the rainbow, the messages, the dinner - lifted me quite a bit. And what made it even more special was that these moments were unplanned, yet came at just the right time.

Grateful 23 Apr: Purposeful Routine

I completed the first day of my two-day training today, and overall I thought went relatively smoothly. That said, the pacing was not quite what I had intended. I moved too quickly and ended up with more time than expected. I ended up bringing forward some of tomorrow’s content. I will need to think about how best to fill the time tomorrow, perhaps by designing an additional activity. Let me think about it. Anyway, training was the main focus of my day, and there are a few things I am especially grateful for: 

• Preparedness. I was well prepared, and this gave me the confidence to move through the content smoothly and respond effectively to participants’ questions. Although my pacing could have been better, my familiarity with the material allowed me to adjust the schedule and adapt when needed. What matters most is that the learners were able to follow and had a positive learning experience. I am grateful for the effort I invested in preparing, as it made a real difference today. Today’s experience reinforces my belief that we can only be truly creative when our foundations are strong. My preparedness and familiarity with the content allowed me to be flexible and creative in my delivery when things did not go according to plan. 

• Beer. After a full day of training, I felt quite drained. It has long been a personal ritual of mine since years ago to have a mug of beer after such sessions, even when I conducted training overseas during my corporate days. I continued with that routine with a bottle of beer over dinner in Bedok today. It was the natural thing to do. I am grateful for this simple pleasure as it helps me unwind and settle after an intense day. It also reminds me that such small indulgences, while seemingly trivial, can bring balance to life, especially during demanding periods. 

• Entertainment. I appreciate being able to wind down at the end of the day with YouTube. It has become a comforting routine - whether it is karaoke, documentaries, or short films, including LGBT stories that are not often shown on mainstream platforms such as the tv or Netflix. Tonight, I ended the day learning about the history of Chinese surnames and watching BL films. It felt like a gentle and enjoyable close to the day, and something I have come to appreciate more over time. 

Today was, in many ways, a typical training day - waking early, having breakfast, logging in, conducting the session, heading out for dinner, and ending the day with some quiet entertainment. There is something worth appreciating in this sense of routine. More importantly, I am reminded that it is not just about delivering training. It is about supporting my learners’ development, and that is something I find genuinely meaningful.

Grateful 22 Apr: Support

There are many things I am grateful for today - completing my training preparations, a conducive environment to work, enjoying nasi padang after quite a while (even though it was superbly expensive), and more. But I want to call out a few in particular: 

• Taking Ownership. As I had shared before, there have been changes in leadership for my training, and processes are now being split between the Sgp and overseas offices. Today, I attended a briefing by the Sgp office, which followed up on my earlier conversation with the overseas rep earlier this week. I am glad that things were clarified, and I am grateful that those involved are taking ownership and actively working to ensure nothing falls through the cracks. 

• Support. I was chatting with D, and the conversation turned rather sombre. It was about T’s (our common friend) worsening health, and how D is feeling the weight knowing there is only so much he can do. It seems to me that he is already going through the grieving process, even though T has not yet left us. Being alongside someone who is dying is something most of us will face at some point. Having gone through this many times, I have learned and possibly better prepared to navigate such conversations. I am glad I could share with D how to be present and support T in his final days. Hopefully, it helps him come to terms with what lies ahead. In this, I am grateful for the experiences I have had over the years. 

• Preparing for Interview. L is a colleague-turned-friend, and I had the opportunity to speak with her early this morning as she prepares for an upcoming interview. I am grateful for her trust in giving me the space to share some thoughts on how she might approach the conversation. I surprised myself by how naturally I was able to offer a range of practical pointers. 

It was a day that started early and ended well, knowing that I was able to support my friends through their various challenges - and for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 21 Apr: Restlessness

Since last weekend, I’ve been trying out a new routine. Instead of concentrating my walks in the middle of the day, I’m spreading them out and heading out as early as I can. Alongside this, I’m allowing myself to work outside whenever I feel like it, rather than sticking strictly to working from home. I’m still not quite used to this routine, and I think that partly explains the restlessness I felt today. In some ways, that restlessness defined the rhythm of my day - I found myself heading out to Chinatown after lunch for tea (where I ate my favourite tau sar piah), and walked around Eastpoint in the evening just to pass time. Against this backdrop, I’m grateful for a few things. 

• K. I’ve known K since our uni days, and she was the first person I came out to in the 90s. We’ve stayed in touch over the years. She reached out yesterday asking if I could help review a strategy paper, and I agreed, even though I wasn’t entirely sure how useful I could be. This morning, she sent a long message expressing her thanks and sharing the challenges she’s been facing over the past weeks. It took time for the details of the message to sink in, and I chose to respond only later. Reflecting on it, I’m grateful for the trust and openness she showed. It’s clearly a difficult period for her and I’m glad she felt she could reach out to me. 

• Work. These past weeks, work has been top of my mind. I’m delivering modules that are either new or that I haven’t taught in a while, such as the one I’m teaching this Thursday and Friday. Still, I’m grateful that I’ve made good progress with the admin prep and in re-familiarising myself with the content. There’s more to complete by tomorrow, but I think I’m on track to get there. 

• Weight. I’ve not been tracking my calories for coming to a fortnight now, yet I’ve managed to keep my weight stable. However, I can sense I’m getting a bit more rounded. I’ve been eating more freely, so while the numbers are holding, I think the composition might be shifting. I may need to return to managing my macronutrients more intentionally. For now, though, I’m grateful that I’ve been able to keep things in check without too much effort. 

Looking back, today felt unsettled on the surface, but I can see that much of it comes from adjusting to this new routine I’m trying to build. Beneath that restlessness, there were still quiet anchors - trust in a long-standing friendship, steady progress in my work, and a sense of balance in how I’m managing myself. Perhaps this is just part of settling into a new rhythm, and for now, I just have to leave it to time.

Grateful 20 Apr: Small Actions

Today is a strong reminder of the value of small, intentional actions - reaching out, creating space to focus, and taking time to clarify things. Nothing dramatic happened, but the day ended well and I’m grateful for that. 

• Tr. We met during a coaching module two years ago, and since then have caught up occasionally to peer coach each other, or simply to catch up. It’s been about 4 - 5 months since we last met and I decided to drop her a simple message to check in. As it turned out, she had just lost her job last week. The timing felt almost uncanny. We’ve arranged to meet next week. I’m glad I reached out and hope I can help her sort through her thoughts. 

• Focus. I went to the library today - something I haven’t done in a long while. I thought a change of environment might help as I worked on developing an activity for this week’s training. I didn’t expect to get so absorbed in it, but I did. Time passed quickly, and within 2 - 3 hours, the work was done. I’m thankful for that kind of deep concentration - it doesn’t always come easily. 

• Clarity. I had a call with the overseas office today. Since my team lead’s departure, I’ve had some lingering questions about how responsibilities are now split between them and Sgp. The conversation helped to clear most of that uncertainty. It wasn’t everything, but it was enough to give me a better sense of things. I’m looking forward to the call with the Sgp office later this week. 

If there’s one thing I’m taking away from today, it’s that small actions do add up. A simple message, a change of space, a conversation - each helped in its own way. Nothing big, but enough to feel settled, clear, and grateful.

Grateful 19 Apr: Small Moments

I will focus on little moments that I’m grateful for today: 

• Compliments. I’m grateful for the unexpected thank you and compliment I received from a peer trainer today. She shared that she achieved a 4.8 (out of 5) rating for her training, which was her first time conducting a difficult module. Her message came as a surprise. I’m grateful for the trust she placed in me and that I could support her in some way. 

• Calm & Collected.I’m grateful for the calm I felt after visiting the temple this afternoon. I had spent the morning at home working and felt the need for a pause. The visit, though impromptu, turned out to be timely - it coincided with the god’s upcoming birthday, and I was able to make my annual donation and update my records. The quiet and familiarity brought a sense of steadiness.

• Bak Chor Mee. It’s been a long while since I had bak chor mee, and it tasted especially good today. I forgot to ask for mee kia and was given mee pok instead. It reminded me of mum - her preferred choice. A small oversight, but one that brought back a warm memory. I’m grateful for that. 

The moments may be simple, but they brought calm, warmth, and a quiet satisfaction in being part of someone’s progress today.

Grateful 18 Apr: Treetop Walk

Today, I’m grateful I chose to pause. I decided to put my well-being ahead of work and take a break from training prep, even though there’s still quite a bit to be done. Instead, I went for the treetop walk - and it turned out to be the best decision of the day. 

• Good Company. On the bus to Venus Drive, I noticed a bear - Chinese, bearded, in his 30s - seated in front of me looking quite stressed - his phone was at 10% and his portable battery wasn’t doing much better. I wanted to help as I had a fully charged portable battery but couldn’t at that point since I was getting off soon. As it turned out, he got off at the same stop as me, so I asked if he needed help, which he accepted sheepishly. We ended up heading to the same place and walked together, chatting along the way. He from CA Orange County and this was his first visit to Sgp. It was nice just sharing about the treetop walk, the flora, and quite a bit about Sgp - our culture, food, different races, history and much more. What started as a small offer to help became good company for the walk. I’m grateful for that - it made the whole experience so much more enjoyable. And it all worked out - his phone was fully charged when we parted ways.

• Bus Journey. The walk was not too difficult but there was a short drizzle towards the end, and combined with the afternoon heat, it started to take a toll. I was a little tired and very dehydrated. I don’t think it’s age - the guy I walked with seemed even more tired than I was, probably made worst by jet lag and adjusting to the weather. I bade him farewell at the MRT station and decided to take the bus instead. I was feeling a little faint by the time I got to the bus stop. When I got on the bus, I was really thankful to get a seat. The aircon felt especially good.

• Home. Reaching home was such a huge relief. I drowned myself with lotsa water, took a cold shower, and just lay down. Nothing fancy, but it all felt so good after the walk. A quick 15-min nap was enough to re-energise me. I’m grateful for these simple comforts - the ability to rest, recover, and just be in my own space. 

All in, it was a simple day, but a good one. I’m glad I made the trip to MacRitchie, grateful for the unexpected company, and thankful I could help someone in a small way.

Grateful 17 Apr: Draining but Positive

Quite a few positive moments today. I ended the day feeling drained, but in a good way. Here are some of the things I am grateful for: 

• Fulfilling training. I ended the day on a high note after delivering a training session that I personally felt went well. I am not overly concerned about the evaluation feedback (which I will receive in the coming week), as I tend to measure effectiveness by how I feel and whether the outcomes were achieved - and today, we had a 100% pass rate. That felt very satisfying, especially as this is a topic I am deeply familiar with. I was able to share my experiences naturally and authentically, and seeing even the non-practitioners succeed was particularly rewarding. I am grateful for the opportunity - it has been a year in the making, and I finally did it. 

• Reconnections with Friends. For some reason, I received a few messages from former colleagues and friends today. One of them had not been in touch for close to a decade, so her message felt especially heartwarming. The last time I saw her family, her son was barely a metre tall - and now he is over 1.8 metres and taller than me! Another friend checked in to see how I have been, and I was glad to learn that she is now happily settled in her job after a few challenging years transitioning from her cabin crew days. Yet another shared that her biopsy results were positive, with nothing concerning. I am truly grateful for these connections - their messages meant a lot. 

• Double dinner. After training, I felt quite drained and had dinner at Bedok South. To my surprise, the price of caifan seems to have doubled in just two weeks - my only (half-serious) conclusion is - Iran war (some president, to be exact, LOL)! After that, I messaged a friend who had just returned from Finland, and by coincidence, she had just landed and was on her way home. We ended up meeting for another round of food - this time, north-eastern Chinese cuisine, along with a bottle of beer for myself. Superbly indulgent, and I cannot remember the last time I had two dinners in one evening. Still, I am grateful for both the company and the experience. It is nice to allow such moments once in a while. 

So yes, despite the physical drain from training, the people - trainees, friends - and good food more than made up for it. I ended the day feeling very good and deeply grateful.

Grateful 16 Apr: Happy Day

I was a happy person today, and I am grateful for how things are developing. I will not write everything here, as some details are better left unshared. Instead, I will focus on a few moments. 

• Walk. I decided to make a trip to Tanah Merah Beach this afternoon despite the scorching heat. I thought I could get a good tan as I do my daily walk, and the trip did not disappoint. I managed to get quite a tan - I look like a bright lobster now. More importantly, I am grateful for the ability to make the walk. I admit I have been a little lazy of late and may have used the weather as an excuse, so I am glad I pushed through. 

• Otters. I spent some time at the beach enjoying the sun. What made the trip special was spotting 2 otters. It was unusual, as they typically move in groups of 10 to 20. I wondered if they had broken away from a larger group and starting a new pack. I recorded a video and sent it to a friend who specialises in otters. He was excited and forwarded it to the team conducting an otter census in Singapore. I am glad I could contribute in a small way, and even more grateful that I made the trip. 

• Rest Points. By the time I walked back, I was tired, thirsty, and quite dehydrated. Thankfully, there were rest points and canteens along the way where I could rest, buy my dinner, and enjoy a kopi o kosong before heading home. 

It was a good day. I managed to do what I needed before my final day of training tomorrow. I ended the evening by running through some content with a fellow trainer to help her prepare for her session too. Overall, it was a productive and fulfilling day, and I am grateful for all that happened.