emotional abuse

again i am documenting my mum's behavior. frankly, i get a tat tired of writing this again and again.

last evening, after i cooked dinner and ate together with her, i decided to head out to the shopping center to do some shopping. i also wanted to buy banana for her. at the shopping center, i called back and asked if she wanted durian (her favourite fruit). she said ok and i proceeded to drive to get it for her. after driving some 20min, she called and said she didn't want the durians already. i thought it was weird cos it is not her to reject any offers of durians... and i headed home. when i entered the house,  she gave me a very weird look. and then she asked "so you went out with that woman again right?"... i half-laughingly asked her what woman and which woman, to which she replied (with the same evil look on her face) "never mind, never mind..."

today, i went to the market to get grocery and to eat breakfast. came home almost immediately and got the usual evil look from her. and she asked "how come you go out so long?" and she proceeded to do a thorough check of what i bought. and through the whole morning she kept stealing evil glances at me when i walk around the house, the kind of glance from the corner of her eyes. and worst of all, whenever she looked at me, she would carry and evil smile on her face. yikes! her behaviour towards me was no better when i did the housework. she chided me for sweeping the floor "floor so clean, why sweep the floor?!" and this was despite the obvious presence of sapphie's fur flying all over. also, she did the same when i mopped the floor. i simply explain to her that things are dirty and needed cleaning. otherwise, i did not really entertain her constant chiding. once done, i proceeded to cook for her. halfway through, she came into the kitchen and said "why? how come the vegetable so fast cook?" it was obvious from her tone that she was not convinced i did the cooking. finally, when i placed the cooked dishes on the dining table, she asked "how come cook so much?" which was weird cos it was only a small portion. and after all the cooking, she refused to eat what i cooked, choosing to only eat the plain porridge.

these are her usual suspicions towards my every actions and the constant hostilities i get from her. much has been said about not internalizing it, and more importantly, not to feel the strains of emotional abuse. but it is easier said than done, especially when i am at the receiving-end all the time. to make things more challenging, i need to constantly be aware of and to calibrate my responses to her. this is becos she will suddenly go cranky if she perceives my responses (or non-response) as hostile. and when that happens, i will have to do the damage control and pick up the pieces.

but yeah... life goes on. be positive. she's a sick person. 

that is my new year resolution.