focused use of capacities

today, i learned a lesson about letting go of the past and using whatever limited capacities i have to what matters most. and it was when i decided to clear some space in the store room in my efforts to better organize mum's things.

you see, since moving into my place, mum has some of her clothes still kept in plastic bags. she maintained there was no need to unpack them as she didn't have the need to wear them. but things got unsightly over time and i decided i should do some reorganizing. and today, i decided to move some stuff in her room to the store room. when i took a look inside, i realized there i had kept many things in the room and need to discard some things in order to create space. of cos there were many things inside. these include a study table that james (my ex) bought, my military gear, a whole box of old copies of national geographic, and so on. these were things that has some sort links to my past. after some initial apprehensions, i decided to discard all of them. for the military stuff, there was quite a bit of resistance. after all, i had spend more than half my life in there. i held up my helmet, the skeleton battle order (sbo), boots, etc. i saw my name tag and i hesitated. but in the end, i threw away them all away, including my old epaulettes, my beret, military cap, formal accessories, etc etc etc. despite the initial hesitation, the process was actually quite easy after throwing the initial items. i kept reminding myself, i came with nothing and i will go with nothing. also, why keep things from an organization that doubted my professionalism and decided i was not good enough for them due to my sexuality. in the end, i retained only the new uniforms and a couple of office attire, just in case i am called back to do my reservist.

and am amazed with the amount of space i have created. took me quite a while to do it. but it was a good thing i did it. after clearing the space, i managed to unpack all of mum's clothes and hang them all in the cupboard. well, she seemed rather pleased by this and did not give me much issues today. as for me, i managed to get things better organized. and i also felt rather good about it. and i reflected and thought, yes there was indeed a lesson learned. in life, don't be too sentimental and hold on to things. it can be very draining and takes up a lot of unseen space. look forward, whatever capacities you have are better given to the present and those that appreciate and acknowledge you.

:-)