running & i

i have started running again since mid-dec 12. and i have made a resolution this year to continue to do so. and thus far, i am glad to say that i have been able to do so. and despite the fact that the distance is no more than 2-3km, it is a tremendous feat for me given that i had not been able to run properly since 2005. and i treasure my new found ability. and it is something i will wanna keep.

i have always loved running. since my late teens i run minimally twice a week. most of the time, the distance would be about 3-5km. and in my mid-20s, i peaked at 10-15km daily, 7 days a week. in fact, at one time, i was so addicted to running, i would even run when i was down with high fever. however, despite my love of running, i have never gone for any marathon. the furthest i had gone for was 21km, half-marathon.

the thing about running is that it keeps me going. it keeps my body warm. it brings me back to health when i feel a cold coming. it helps me stay on-the-go. and most importantly, it clears my mind. running is a very individualistic sport. while in the army, a lot of runs were done as a platoon/ company, most of my runs were done alone. and i would run with my headphone on. the music would provide me with the rhythm and helped pace me. and during these runs, i would go into myself. i would reflect about things, think through my problems, and so on. 

i came out in 1996. and between the years 1996-1999, my weekend evenings were spend primarily at the east coast park running. that was a hot place for gay guys on weekends. and it was during that period that i got to know many many friends. and of course, met with several heartaches. but well, it opened me up to a brand new sub-culture. nonetheless, my knees began to hurt during this period. i had over-run and my knees were showing signs of wear and tear. with the advice of a good friend, i subsequently reduced my running distance and frequency. i started doing more brisk walking.

2005 was a defining year for me on many fronts, including running. that was one of the most tense period in my life. i was at the tail-end of my relationship with james and i also dating bee. it was a very stressful period. and it was this time that the security department outed me. my stress level shot up. i lost more than 15% of my body weight. i went into depression. so i intensified my running in my attempt to manage my stress. and during one of the runs, i twisted my left ankle. if you have ever seen an ankle that twisted such that the sole of the feet faces the sky, you can appreciate the pain i felt. my left ankle swell to the size of a medium sized papaya and the pain persisted for 6 months. i had problems walking and no amount of chinese sinseh chakuat could help. 

i finally sought help from the hospital. i was found to have broken one of the metatarsal and was put of steroid treatment to manage the swell and to aid the recovery. the doctor told me i would never be able to run like i did previously anymore. you can never imagine the scare i felt seeing a needle being poked into my left ankle. but it had to be done to deliver the steroid into the depth of my ankle. i went through at least 3 times. and to prevent my ankle from collapsing, i was put on orthotics. the orthotics height had to be readjusted every 6 months to a year. since then, i could not run more than a few hundred meters. and after that, i would not be able to stand properly. i could not even walk properly. my calves would hurt like crazy every time i run. also, i will be incapacitated and had to rest at home the day after i went shopping. it was just that bad.

till today, i still need to wear the orthotics. my bad ankles, coupled with my bad knees, affected my back. i suffered non-stop backaches. and added to that with my cervical spondylosis (degeneration of my neck/ cervical bones) that i sustained as a result of a fall during a jungle training in 1994, i was literally waiting for the day my whole body would just collapse. i lost my momentum. as a result, my health was affected. my aerobic fitness deteriorated. i grew fat. i got weaker by the days. for the last couple of years, i started my chiropractic treatment. i hoped to be able to use this opportunity to straighten my spine, and slowly, start to exercise and pick up running again.

thus, my recent new found momentum in running is something i want to keep. i will work hard at it. frankly, i do feel the pain in my knees creeping in again. of cos logic tells me to go slow and not rush. but surely, i will continue to work on my new found abilities to run and to exercise regularly.

:-)

picture from http://chestertheatre.org/