Grateful - 4 Feb: Routines

It's a routine day for me. And on this routine day, I give thanks to:

• Predictability. As a freelancer, a typical “routine” day when I’m not working would look like this: wake up, meditate, breakfast, time at my own disposal, prepare lunch, lunch, coffee, a mid-day walk or exercise, rest, more time at my own disposal, prepare dinner, dinner, even more time at my own disposal, read, reflect, and sleep. It’s a routine I’ve grown accustomed to, and frankly speaking, while it may be a tad boring, it works well for me. It’s predictable - no surprises, no stress - good for the soul, and it certainly gives me time to catch up with myself and my thoughts. So yes, I had a routine day today, and I’m thankful for that.

• Flexibility. The nice thing about routine days is that I have full flexibility to do what I want. In the schedule above, I’ve indicated “time at my own disposal,” which simply translates to - whatever I feel like doing at that moment. More often than not, that would be gardening, housework, watching TV/ Netflix, or even lazy (some would call it self-maintenance or mental well-being time). This is the kind of flexibility I didn’t have when I was fully employed. Today, I managed to catch up on work admin and preparation, write reports, attend an online event, etc. Work admin and reports are largely mundane but necessary tasks that require attention and time.

• The sunny, clear sky. As weird as it may sound, I’m grateful for the sunny sky today because it allowed me to take an afternoon topless walk and get a nice tan in the process. I’ve been walking almost daily since mid-2025 to keep my weight in check and improve my health. And since I’m walking anyway, why not do it during lunchtime and get a bit of sun while I’m at it, right? I haven’t been able to do this as often as I’d like recently, so it was really nice to be able to do so again today. 

On reflection, I’d say it was a routine but productive day for me, despite it being a routine one.

Grateful - 3 Feb: Simple Joys

I had a fun day today, cycling at East Coast Park, and I want to give thanks to:

• My friend D, who suggested cycling. He thought it would be good to get our friend, who is unwell, out for some fresh air. It turned out to be a really good outing - not just because of the sun, the wind, and all that, but more importantly, because it was nice to see everyone being active, happily chatting, and quietly caring for one another. It’s the kind of friendship that isn’t very verbally expressive, but is shown in subtle ways. I’m really glad to have these two friends.

• The simplest things in life - the coffee I drank, the food I cooked and ate, and, for that matter, the water that keeps me alive and hydrated. These are things we rarely pay much attention to, but without them, we probably wouldn’t be around for long.

• Reflecting on these basics, I’m also reminded of - and deeply grateful for - all the conditions that must come together before they are available to us: the source, processing, delivery, technology, and the people behind it all.

So yeah, it’s a relatively shorter post today, but no less meaningful.

Love & Relationship

I have been watching the series "Boyfriend" for sometime. The current run is the second season and it's coming to an end soon. In today's episode, one of the guy said:

You can love alone, but you cannot have a relationship alone.

I thought this sentence is very well constructed, even as it is rather impromptu. It's something that we all know but I suspect we don't usually get to articulate it this way. Not me, at least. And I agree totally.

Cycling @ East Coast

I went cycling with 2 friends at the East Coast Park earlier. We only cycled for an hour - from Marine Cove (where MacD is located) to Bedok Jetty and back - but it was really fun. We had the cycling lanes almost exclusively to ourselves as it was a weekday and there was minimal people there. And best of all, I got to bask in the nice hot sun without any discomfort as the wind was superbly strong.

Such a lovely afternoon!

Picture from https://handlinefishing.com/wheretofish/shoresandjetties/bedokjetty.htm

Grateful - 2 Feb: Festivity

Today, I did quite a bit of spring cleaning and for my afternoon break, instead heading for my usual afternoon walk, I took a bus and just alighted when I felt like it. I ended with a most interesting afternoon before finally heading back to my usual coffee shop for my coffee. As such, in my journal today, I want to give thanks to the following:

• The sights and sounds of the Chinese New Year bazaar that I experienced while visiting a neighbourhood centre near my place. What a sight it was - the red lanterns, decorations, and not to mention the New Year cookies, fruits, and flowers in full glory! There was such a lively and energetic atmosphere. I simply love this time of the year as we prepare for the festival.

• A special shout-out to the coffee shop cashier auntie who never fails to smile and tell me, “You are always the fastest with the PayNow app!” LOL! You see, I visit the coffee shop near my home daily for my dose of kopi-o kosong, and I usually make my digital payment even before placing my order. This always makes auntie very happy, as she tends to get impatient - especially when the queue is long. So yes, thank you, auntie, for being cheerful and kind to me always!

• A most fruitful day of spring cleaning. I started my morning washing the toilet next to the kitchen and ended my day cleaning more of my kitchen. As of now, I am especially pleased that I have almost completed cleaning my kitchen! This include the kitchen cabinets (inside and out, including all their contents, cutlery, plates, bowls, etc) and the shelves. I’ve also sharpened and cleaned the knives, removed the oil and grime from the stove, and cleaned the fridge, microwave oven, air fryer, rice cooker, and many, many more items. It has taken me a few days to reach where I am. Probably just a bit of touching up here and there before finally washing the floor, and then I’ll be done!

The spontaneity allowed me a good and refreshing change from the usual routines. Perhaps I should do this more often in future. Goodnight!

Talking about Life & Death

I’ve a friend who often talked about his fears regarding what happens after a person passes on and what the afterlife experience is like. Will it be painful? Or…

It is probably a topic none of us alive can ever advise. But having recently read deeper on Buddhism, I was able to understand conceptually the idea of consciousness and what happens to it after the physical body dies. I met up with him again last week and this topic came up again. I told him that using our human senses to frame the experiences of the next journey - whether it will be painful or otherwise - is probably not the wisest thing to do as the physical body is no longer present. Instead, I suggested he should channel his energies to the present and live his life to the best.

Today, he texted me to thank me for the chat. He also said that he is less fearful now. I gave him an analogy - that falling asleep and waking up is a cycle all of us goes through daily. And we may have dreams or nightmares when we sleep, but we will wake up again eventually. This would be similar when it comes to the cycle of life and death. Dying is akin to falling asleep, and we dream (good or bad will depend on whether we were good or bad during our lifetime). And then, we will wake up again, as a baby. 

It’s an off the cuff analogy, very much based on my current understanding of Buddhism’s interpretation of life and death. I’m sure there are other more informed views but I’m glad I can help him better frame his thoughts and lessen his fears. 

Fish Eye

I had my first fish eye today.

Was it good? Hmmm… the texture was gelatinous and gooey! Since young, my mum would gush about how nice fish eyes taste. I, on the other hand, could never get past gorging the eye out of the head, much less putting it into my mouth! It felt like a scene direct out of an Indiana Jones movie! So no… until today.

I took a bus out with no agenda except that I wanted to take a break from my usual afternoon walk. I decided to alight at a nearby neighbourhood center. I had eaten at a Japanese restaurant there before and thought why not have a quick lunch there. After all, the food was decent and nice. 

I decided to be adventurous and ordered the salmon head soup. The soup came and I was given another empty bowl. This is for the bones, said the auntie. Wow! so drama! I thought to myself. When I started eating, I realized how laborious the whole process was - all the bones and scales! And then the eye floated into view… the eye ball, lens and all!

Anyway, it was an interesting experience. Will I have it again? Probably not, unless pushed. But at least I can say I’ve tried it.

Ps: Picture shows what’s left of the head after stripping off all the skin and meat. Can you spot the eye socket?

Grateful - 1 Feb: Engaging & Fun

I’m feeling a little tired now, but before I retire, I want to capture three things I’m grateful for today. 

• I am grateful to the facilitator and my classmates at the Singapore Buddhist Federation (SBF) for today’s class a highly engaging one. Many concepts and points were covered but the real learnings came from everybody’s sharing of their experiences. For eg, we discussed the importance of cultivating ourselves so that we are conscious of our emotions and able to recognize them as they arise. This awareness allows us to manage our emotions instead of being controlled by them. We all agreed that this is easier said than done, and that it requires consistent training of the mind.

• I am grateful for the interesting experiences and sights around the Geylang area. I went to SBF for class and decided to alight at PLQ Mall, taking a short walk to SBF instead. The walk started at Paya Lebar MRT and ended in the heart of Geylang. Paya Lebar is a Malay heartland, and I saw a large congregation of Indonesian domestic workers picnicking by the roadside under the shade of trees. It was a once-a-week affair, as today was their day off. As I moved into Geylang proper, the scene changed to lorongs and shophouses, coffee shops, and a couple of mosques. Along with this, the profile of people I saw also changed. Instead of mostly Indonesians, I saw a more heterogeneous mix of people - South Asian migrant workers, local Chinese, PRCs, as well as Malays at the mosques. Such contrasting scenes are very unique and can only happen in Singapore and Malaysia.

• Lastly, I am grateful for the warm yet breezy weather. Without it, none of the above would have happened. It was also because of the pleasant weather that I was able to walk back to PLQ from SBF, and in the process, get a nice workout. Reflecting on it, I was literally killing many birds with one stone - I enjoyed interesting sights, got a good walk and workout, and even discovered a nice park connector linking Paya Lebar MRT to Aljunied MRT. 

All in all, I had a good day today. It was engaging and fun. 

Goodnight!

Grateful - 31 Jan: Presence

It is scary how quickly 2026 is passing. It is already the end of January, and as part of my gratitude journalling today, I want to acknowledge the following:

• I am grateful for the awareness to live the past month the way I wanted to. It has made this year feel far more purposeful. Looking at the focus areas I had listed, I must admit that not everything happened naturally. At times, I had to consciously remind myself and put measures in place - just as I did with my deliberate daily gratitude journalling. But I am glad I stayed with it.

• I am grateful that I was able to make a difference to my coachee. I shared yesterday about giving her feedback for her public speaking contest, and I was so happy to learn that she won two prizes for her speech. I could not be prouder of her. I am not sure how much my feedback contributed, but from her update, I could sense her joy and appreciation - and that truly made my day.

• Lastly, and not something I want to take for granted, I am thankful for the meals I had today - from simple home-prepared food to something readily available at the coffee shop. What stands out is the abundance of choice at every meal: healthy, well-balanced, or otherwise, and the freedom to decide what I eat. This is a luxury that not everyone has.

I am a blessed person.

Volunteer Mentor

I have been volunteering as a mentor with a company that partners a local vocational training college since last year. The focus of the mentorship is to guide students through their career journey - from job search to workplace assimilation. 

To be honest, my experience with the organisation last year was not very positive. The team came across as young and inexperienced, rather disorganised, and with an “everything also can” approach to everything. It was not something I was accustomed to, and I felt strongly that if they were serious about their mission, there needed to be clearer policies and processes in place. By the end of last year, I was almost certain I would not sign up for another run.

When I was invited to their kick-off today, I hesitated. But eventually, I decided to drop in, simply to see what they had put together. I was pleasantly surprised by how much had changed since my last interaction with them. Their staff strength has doubled, the pool of volunteers has grown to about 2,000, and their operations are now far more organised. They have also been registered as a formal charity, and this year they plan to strengthen their governance and compliance, alongside the many new initiatives they have rolled out. 

It was a well organised kick-off and from what was briefed, a strong signal that they are heading in the right direction. I left the event feeling genuinely proud of, and impressed by, the team. It was a good refreshing change.

Mesh Up!

I am so happy and proud of myself.

I finally managed to set up my home mesh system. It took me almost two and a half hours, with plenty of trial and error along the way. I had purchased the mesh to cover the Wi-Fi dead spots in my apartment. After a fair bit of reading and research, I narrowed down the model I wanted - and then, of course, ended up buying a higher one. Heh…

The real challenge, however, came during the setup. Based on everything I had read, it was supposed to be a simple plug-and-play process. But because I already had an existing router, I quickly confused myself with all the technicalities. After setting up the main node, I realised I had done it wrongly and had configured the mesh as the router instead. This disrupted my existing network, and I had to start all over again.

I used the instructions provided, but connecting to an existing router was not covered and I resorted to ChatGPT, and after further trial and errors, I finally connected the mesh correctly to the router. But the second unit refused to sync. So I reset everything - again… and again… and again - until, at last, the entire network came online. I actually shouted “hurray” in my head. But the adventure was not over yet. 

Just as I started organising the wiring, the network dropped again. This time, however, I stayed calm. I systematically checked the Ethernet cables and connections, and once I was sure everything was in place, I simply restarted the modem and allowed the system to stabilise. And voilà - the whole network was up and running once more. Whew!

For someone who has been a technology end user all my life, setting up hardware is definitely outside my comfort zone. So today was one crazy experience, despite all the research I had done over the past few days. The learning curve was steep, but the sense of accomplishment was immense! This whole experience was a small victory - but a deeply satisfying one. 

:-)

Grateful - 30 Jan: Learning, Helping

Today, I want to call out the following 3 things I am grateful for:

• I am thankful for a coachee-turned-mentee who trusted me enough to seek my feedback on her speech delivery for a public speaking contest. As I framed my thoughts after watching her rehearsal video, I also realized how much I have learned over the years. I truly appreciate the many opportunities I’ve had in my life to speak publicly. There is still much I can improve on, and I still experience butterflies in my stomach when I step onto the stage - but I believe I am far better prepared today than I was when I was much younger.

• Speaking of coachees, I also want to extend my gratitude to all my coachees - past and present - for allowing me to be their thinking partner and for being open, authentic, and transparent. They have helped me grow, both as a coach and as a person. Admittedly, I initially felt pressured and unsure whether my coaching was truly helping them. Over time, however, my confidence grew as I saw them improve and move forward in ways that were meaningful to them.

• I spent much of today researching and reading about WiFi extenders and mesh systems, as I’ve been dealing with weak WiFi signals in my room and needed to boost the reception. I’m glad that by evening, I was able to narrow down what I need to do to resolve the issue. My next task is to purchase the mesh system and set it up before my virtual training sessions next weekend. So yes, I’m grateful for the presence of ChatGPT, which helped educate me on the technical details and recommend solutions - along with the broader presence of technology and readily available information today.

It’s been a day of learning and a day of helping. Productive indeed.

A Coachee

I have been coaching this lady since 2024, a time when I was actively seeking coaching opportunities as I worked toward clocking the required hours for my credentialing. She was referred to me by another coachee who believed I could support her.

Over the past year, I have been accompanying her on her career development journey. It has been deeply rewarding to witness her growth during this period. She now has much greater clarity about her options and how she wants to move forward. Throughout our time working together, she has kept me updated on her life and her thought processes, and over time, I became someone she trusted and confided in. Last week, she shared that she would be participating in a public speaking contest and today, she sent me a video of her rehearsal, asking for any feedback I might have. That simple act spoke volumes about the trust she has placed in me. I was more than happy to help, and I feel deeply grateful for her trust and openness.

Reflecting on this, my coaching journey has been profoundly meaningful to me. It brings me great satisfaction to know that I am able to make a positive difference in the lives of my coachees.

Grateful - 29 Jan: Calm

It’s been just over a week since I started this Gratitude Journaling series, and I’ll be honest - it’s getting harder to write. Not because I have nothing to be grateful for, but because I now see just how much there is. Every time I sit down to write, I realise that behind each small thing I’m thankful for, there’s a whole chain of conditions that must come together for that moment to exist. It’s humbling. Gratitude, I’m learning, isn’t just about listing what went well - it’s about recognising how much is quietly holding everything in place. Today, here are the 3 call outs:

• I’m grateful for something very simple: the ability to journal. That alone tells me I’m privileged. And I don’t mean that in a proud way, but in a deeply humbling one. 

• I’m also grateful for where I am in my spiritual practice. I chose a path that asks me to reflect, to question, to seek wisdom, and to practise compassion. Sometimes, I won’t lie, it feels a little lonely. Many of my friends find comfort in speaking to a higher being and in the promise of something beyond this life. I don’t have that. But what I do have is a growing sense of clarity - from meditation, from reading, from constant inner work - that my life is shaped by my past actions and choices. That realisation gives me both responsibility and hope. It tells me I can still shape what comes next. 

• And finally, I’m grateful for the life I have today - materially and otherwise. I’ve met people who wish they could undo their past and start again. I don’t feel that way. I’m at peace with where I am, because every good choice, every mistake, every detour has played a part in making me who I am now. And for that, I’m thankful. 

So yes, today’s reflection feels more conceptual than usual - but it’s exactly where my mind and heart are right now - calm.

A Good Child

I don’t think I’ve ever written anything in this blog about a Singapore produced show. It’s largely because they tend to be very slapstick and superficial. And for me, who largely enjoys tear jerkers and epic movies, I wanna say I thoroughly enjoyed “A Good Child”.

I chanced upon it in Netflix today. Admittedly, I didn’t quite recognise the actors and decided to take a look. After all, the synopsis sounded interesting - a drag decided to look after her mother who’s suffering from dementia, or something along this line. Two minutes into the show, my jaw literally dropped - It’s a Singapore production! And there’re lotsa drag queens, Hokkien profanities, smoking etc! 

I must say I totally enjoyed it and I was blown away by the acting and the script. Very touching and I teared up at several points in the show. Perhaps Singapore shows have indeed improved over time! And oh, I must say the Taiwanese guy who acted as the drag queen’s boyfriend is really cute! Kawaii-des!

Like!

Grateful - 28 Jan: Giving & Getting Help

Today, I want to focus on people. I gave an elderly friend a haircut, received Chinese New Year goodies from another, and, as always, was reminded of the many friends and family who consistently support and encourage me. Here are the details:

• It is gratifying to have the ability to help others. Today, it was my ability to cut people’s hair. I’m not formally trained, but I’ve observed hairdressers closely, and over time, I’ve been able to give simple haircuts to my mom, dad, brother, nieces and nephews, ex, and lately, friends - or anyone willing to let me try. Today, I gave an elderly friend a haircut. Last year after cutting his hair, he said it’s a tad too short, but two days later, he texted again to say how nice it looks. And similarly, he said it’s too short again this year, despite checking with him on the length constantly. Haha… Regardless, I’m glad I could bring a smile to him, and I truly appreciate his curry chicken for me.

• I am grateful to my friend (the one who has esophageal cancer) for stopping by with a bagful of Chinese New Year cookies and a box of bak kwa (sweetened pork jerky). As I was away, he left it outside my door. I imagine this is his way of showing appreciation for my visits to him at the hospital, and for the friendship we’ve shared over the short months I’ve known him. Whatever the reason, I’m glad I could bring him some cheer, and I have enjoyed our moments together.

• Lastly, I am grateful to friends and family who consistently support and encourage me. I’m reminded of them daily through the food I enjoy. And today, I had home-cooked chicken curry (thanks to J, point 1 above), stewed chicken with mushrooms and bananas (thanks to my sister), kefir (from a dear friend who made a difference in my life last year), and, of course, Chinese New Year goodies (thanks to T, point 2 above).

Even though I may be living on my own, my life feels enriched not just by experiences, but also by the people around me. People may come and go, but recognizing this transient nature of relationships allows me to move past previous misgivings, appreciate the present, and avoid placing too many expectations from them for the future.

A Haircut for an Elderly Person

I wrote about this elderly gentleman last year and how he blocked me. Well, he contacted me again on my last birthday. It was rather unexpected. I had actually deleted off his number but I recognized the picture of his dog that he has on his WhatsApp. I decided to save his number. Not long after, he asked if I could give him another haircut before Chinese New Year. And that was what I did today.

Made a trip to his place. Gave him a nice haircut and off I went. He has aged somewhat and seemed smaller than the last time I saw him. It seemed like his hearing had gotten worse but overall, he looked healthy. We chatted a bit and I could sense he is still very fond of me. I also noted his dog has slimmed down and is much livelier despite the fact that he has grown much older (just like his master).

It was so nice of him to have cooked curry chicken for me to bring home after the haircut. 

Grateful - 27 Jan: Connections

Since many months ago, I would close my glass door, windows, my curtains etc when evenings come and I will blast my tv with songs or watch some senseless shows. This is to allow me to drown off the noises from the kids screaming at the playground down stairs. It can be a tad overwhelming. And this underpin what I want to reflect today as part of my gratitude journal. I cannot be enough grateful for the following:

• I am grateful for the presence of technology - Wi-Fi, TV, and so on - which has allowed me an escape, apart from the many day-to-day conveniences. On some days, it kept me company; on other days, it gave me the sanity I needed, especially when I really needed it. At times, it’s simply there as white noise in the background while I do my housework. Above all, the environment we live in today is vastly different from what I experienced growing up. Technology is just so pervasive in our lives now. I am grateful to be able to enjoy it and to experience these contrasts. Lest I take things for granted, I should savour and be grateful for what I have today, rather than focusing too much on what could go wrong - especially when it comes to technology.

• I am grateful for being able to speak multiple languages. It has allowed me to make connections easily across different cultures. Today, a technician came to my place to install a new router, and from his WhatsApp messages, I noticed that he couldn’t really converse in proper English. From speaking with him, I realised he is from Malaysia. He was pleasantly surprised that I could speak Malay, and it immediately made him feel much more comfortable. So, back to gratitude - I’m grateful to my mum for teaching me the language and for the multicultural environment I was brought up in. I am an enriched person simply by being born into this place, to my mum.

• This last paragraph is dedicated to someone I’ve known for more than a decade via Grindr (or maybe Jack’d). We met up for “fun” occasionally but didn’t keep much contact - it was, after all, a connection rooted in the pleasures of the flesh. We stopped communicating for most of my last relationship, although once in a while he would drop me a message to check in and see if I was doing okay. We re-established contact after my breakup and have been in touch more regularly, especially over the past couple of months. I could sense his care and concern for me, and I noticed how he made special efforts, such as arranging birthday dinners. I think it’s only appropriate to dedicate a paragraph to him. I admit that I miss him and his texts on days when he doesn’t check in. I am grateful that he is in my life.

So yes, today’s post is a tad long, but that’s only fitting, given the reflections that come with journaling.

A New Router

I’ve just upgraded my home Wi-Fi plan, and the technician came by today to replace the router. With the new router installed, the existing mesh system (or router?) at home has been acting a little weird. I’m admittedly not the wisest when it comes to these setups - considering I don’t even really know the difference between a mesh and a router. Anyway, I asked the technician to retain the same Wi-Fi name, and he cleverly suggested keeping it but suffixing it with 2.4G and 5G to differentiate it from the current one and avoid any conflicts (whatever that means).

The home mesh system (or router?) was originally installed and set up by my ex, and perhaps it’s truly time to let it go and replace it with a new setup altogether. It’s not really about the money; rather, it’s about moving on with life and no longer having to worry about whether things will work now that he’s no longer living here. He moved out in May 2024, so it really is time. Symbolically, this Wi-Fi upgrade - and the accompanying replacement with a newer, more powerful router - also represents an upgrade of me as a person: independent, self-reliant, and no longer living in the shadow of my previous relationship (not that I ever really was).

:-)

Burning Smell

The air has been heavy with a burning smell over the past week or so, and on a day or two, I could have sworn it even looked hazy. I am also seeing people complaining about it and how they have experienced difficulties in breathing, etc. All these felt oddly nostalgic. It reminded me of the days when the country was blanketed in thick haze and carried the unmistakable smell of forest burning. That was probably more than a decade ago, when my mum and my dog were still around.

Because of that, the haze and smell over the past week stirred a sense of nostalgia in me. While it was undeniably uncomfortable, a small part of me wished it would linger a little longer. I suppose that’s just how memories work. For now, it’s enough to appreciate it for what it is - to “enjoy” it while it’s here, and just experience it while it is around. No judgment, no anger, no frustration. Just acceptance that it will eventually pass once the burning in the region stops.

https://www.facebook.com/NEASingapore/photos/hotspots-continue-to-be-observed-north-of-singapore-due-to-vegetation-fires-with/1202307645376982/

Grateful - 26 Jan: Simple Day

A simple day but one that’s meaningful. Here’re the things I want to call out:

• Thankful for the trust and openness of an ex-colleague turned friend who continued to let me coach and mentor him over the last 2 years. I met him again today for one of our regular sessions and I was very happy to see him put into actions the things he said he would do during our last session 2 months back.

• Lovely to be able to run my errands and grocery shopping given the limited time I had today. In fact, I was even able to squeeze in time for a walk as well and I did so by alighting 3 stops away from my home and walking to the supermarket! It was certainly great use of my time!

• Once again, my sis cooked things and brought it over. I now have so much food I had to keep them in the fridge! So my meals for the next 2 days are settled!

So yeah, it’s a simple day but as I scanned through all the things I’ve done over the last couple of weeks, I am glad I have been able to keep to the key focus I had set for myself for the year! Keep it up me!

A Resident Mozzie

I have a mosquito in my room. It has been there for so long, I’ve decided to call it my resident mosquito. 

The funny thing about this mosquito is that is refuses to leave the house regardless of what I do. I had left the windows open, the door open etc. and even during days when the winds are strong, it somehow continue to remain in my room.

And the funny thing is - it doesn’t bite me! Even when I sleep. It just happily buzz around the room, the toilet and makes itself comfortable…

:-)

Grateful - 25 Jan: Peace

It’s a busy but fulfilling day for me and if I were to single out 3 things that I am grateful for, I would name the following:

• Had a good nights’ rest and woke up this morning feeling great and energized. Managed to finish cleaning 3/4 of the kitchen cabinet, washed the rugs and mopped the kitchen. Also, took the opportunity to declutter the cabinet and gave away quite a few unused mugs!

• Attended a Buddhist class at the Singapore Buddhist Federation. We went into how Buddhist concepts can be applied in life and where things are constantly changing and many issues are not so straightforward/ black and white. Very interesting session indeed.

• Visited my friend who had been readmitted to the hospital, less than a week after he was discharged. It’s nice to see him cheerful and had a good catch up with him. 

I’m also thankful for a friend who took the time to share his life story with me over dinner, for my sis who brought over bananas and food, etc… yeah, it’s a good peaceful day indeed.

Grateful - 24 Jan: Uneventful

Here’re the things I’m grateful for today:

• I am able to do a bit more cleaning of my kitchen cabinets and windows. Cleaning the kitchen has always been a key focus when it comes to spring cleaning and I’m glad I managed to cover more today. Probably need another couple of days before I’m done.

• I have friends who texted me to check how I’m managing and if everything is going well for me. I appreciate their concerns and their regular texting. One of them will be heading back to Kuching following week. Hopefully, I’ll be able to meet him for lunch next week.

• Very basic things that I probably take for granted and will not think about normally - the gift of life, of my senses, of my health, etc to experience life and appreciating each moment as it happens.

Good night to me!

Target Weight

I wanted to work towards a weight of 62-plus kg and expect to hit this by end-Dec 25/ early-Jan 26. I’m glad that I was able to hit 62.65kg last week. It has gone back into the mid-63kg mark this week. I guess it will take a while to stabilize at 62-ish. But it’s a good outcome I must say. I can’t recall the last time I weighed 62kg. Will work towards keeping my weight at 60-62kg as much as I can. 

While vanity is a part of the reason, a more important reason for wanting to keep to this range is health. Having a weight in the mid-70kg range and above caused me frequent backaches, knees issues as well as higher BP, and RHR indirectly due to fats. I have every reason to also believe my visceral fats has dropped and that my fatty liver condition has either reduced or disappeared totally.

Looking towards reducing my weight a little more and maintaining the weight as much as I can. Objectively, I should be focusing on fat vs muscle mass but to me, psychologically, weight is still something that has a more direct impact on me. But yeah, if I do gain weight, it should be due to building of muscle mass instead of fats. 

Evolving Tactic

After getting so many scammers messages, I deleted my age from my profile last week. Immediately, the messages stopped. Until today. If this is a new “pattern” from Grindr scammers, it won’t work on me. Take a look…

I blocked him immediately after he read my message.

Grateful - 23 Jan: Uneventful

It’s an uneventful day. But it allowed me to be creative! Heh… so here’re the 3 key things I’m thankful for today: 

• The inspiration and ability to cook myself a nice dinner. I experimented with tau kwa rice (using similar recipe to that of the hokkien kiam png) and it turned out pretty well. Ate it with a bowl of chap chye (peranakan mixed vegetable soup) and a side of achar (peranakan pickled vegetables). Very aligned to my hokkien/ peranakan heritage.

• The quick recovery from my mild fever 2 days ago and that I was able to do a nice 12000-step walk and my push ups today. Also, I did it during mid day and got to enjoy some good afternoon sun too!

• The ability to give myself a nice haircut! Been more than a week since I last cut my hair and it looks a tad messy! That is a key challenge for people with short hair - it grows and get out of shape very fast! So I managed to trim my sides and style my top. It looked so much more presentable now!

It’s a good day!

Grateful - 22 Jan: Beginnings

I will try to capture 3 things I am grateful for daily. Hopefully it becomes a habit and that overtime, it makes me a better and happier person. So for today, here’re 3 things I am grateful for:

• To be able to wake up feeling good and purposeful, knowing that I will be meeting my peer trainer to help her prepare for her upcoming course; and meeting a friend to talk through the challenges he is facing and helping him see things in perspective.

• To have chanced upon a shop that can replace my iPhone battery on the spot rather than having to send it to the Apple Store or Apple-appointed agent (that would take 3hrs to 2 weeks) instead. Grateful to have a new battery finally for my iPhone!

• To be able to keep my weight and health markers relatively constant this morning despite the mild fever and discomfort I felt last night.

I must confess that it took a bit of effort to write the above cos it is not something I do instinctively and require some good reflection and objectivity. I believe it should get easier with more practice.

Friend with Cancer (2)

I shared about a friend with aggressive cancer in my last post. Things do not look good, and it will likely be an increasingly difficult journey for him. In this post, I want to share the story of another friend.

She is a colleague turned friend. She’s in her 40s when I first know her and she’s someone who loves life and lives it to the best that she can, travelling and enjoying new experiences regularly. She discovered she had lung cancer some 4 to 5 years ago during a routine check-up. On her doctor’s advice, she underwent surgery to remove it. Within a short time, the cancer returned, and she had to go through a second operation to remove more of her lung. Things did not improve. A little over a year later, the cancer spread to her brain, and she had to undergo at least two more operations to remove the tumours.

Despite all this, she remained cheerful, changed jobs, learned new things, built new skills and, above all, continued travelling. I have consistently met up with her for meals over the past few years, wanting to keep myself abreast of her condition and to encourage her as much as I can. During one of our meet-ups, she shared that she refused to surrender to her cancer, wanted to live her life as fully as possible and on her own terms. Above all, she would not want people see and treat her as a sick person. Yet, she recognised that her days are numbered and had made plans for her eventual demise. She is now on an experimental treatment, and her tumour growth has slowed.

I admire her courage and her love for life.

Friend with Cancer (1)

In my life, I’ve had people around me diagnosed with cancer, and most have since passed on. I also know others who were diagnosed with cancer and have continued to live their lives well because of medical treatment. But that is not the case for a friend I got to know just half a year ago. 

He is four years my senior, and during a routine medical check-up, the doctor discovered a lump on his neck. He was sent for scans and a biopsy and was eventually diagnosed with stage-four oesophageal cancer. It came as a shock to him, as he had no prior illness or symptoms whatsoever. The initial prognosis was 6 months to a year, and he was quickly put on chemotherapy. His condition did not improve, and within a month, the prognosis was revised to six months. That was two months ago.

Since then, his condition has worsened rapidly. In Nov, I was still meeting him for lunches, and he could eat quite well. When I met him at Christmas, he could only manage porridge. Over the last weekend, he was admitted to hospital as he could no longer swallow food or even liquids. I visited him earlier today, and he now has to be tube-fed.

The days and months ahead will not be easy for him, given how fast the tumour is growing. The hospital has indicated that there is little more they can do at this point, except to put him through more aggressive chemotherapy, in the hope that the tumour might shrink enough for him to swallow again. Despite this, he remains cheerful and still says he looks forward to being able to eat again. I am not optimistic, but I could only smile and nod.

Sighs.

Grateful

When I reflect back on my life, I realise I have a lot, a lot to be grateful for. Just using my career as an example, there seems to have been some form of divine help through people for every single job/ job change since 2000.

• I ended my first contract with the army in 2000 and decided to enter the corporate sector. Being naïve and new to the corporate world, I didn’t prepare myself sufficiently and eventually landed in the air logistics line out of desperation. Despite the willingness to learn, the fit was bad and things didn’t go well. Then my company, which was part of a larger airline group, announced that it was undergoing a corporatisation exercise and employees were given the option to leave or stay. That was when an ex-colleague from the army called and asked me to consider rejoining. They were facing a brain drain in the function I was in. I would not suffer any loss in seniority, and I would get back my last drawn pay. The call was a lifesaver.

• My second stint in the armed forces, despite the harsh treatment of being outed, revoking of security clearance, stalling of my promotion and growth, losing a scholarship in a post-graduate programme in security studies, etc; saw me being transferred to a military training college. It led me to ultimately obtain my post-graduate degree in instructional designs and ultimately led to my eventual entry into the corporate sector as a training/ HR person after my retirement. Had I not been outed, I would have progressed in the function I was in, got myself even more siloed and probably experience major difficulties joining the corporate sector given the highly classified roles I would have served. It was a huge blessing in disguise!

• I had retired from the armed forces and decided to take a few months’ break before seeking new employment. Two months in, the armed forces’ career transition department contacted me and asked me to consider being part of a pilot programme for career placement. It was meant for retiring personnel, but as it was a pilot, they decided it would be more appropriate to get recently retired personnel to try it. I only had to pay 10% of the total cost. I signed up for it and became the first person to partake in the programme. That led me to eventually land in my first corporate role after I retired from military service.

• I left my first corporate role after almost three years as I felt I was not being remunerated fairly despite the job size and responsibilities given. Things also got rather toxic and I decided to leave without a job. Two months later, an ex-colleague whom I had helped previously called and asked if I was keen to join the airline industry to help a budget airline set up its learning department. I went for the interview, got the job, received a good pay jump, went on to successfully help the company set up its L&OD department, and got 2 promotions within the span of 6 months after joining the company. I later found out that the Chief of HR was the husband of my ex-colleague.

• The airline company I joined went through several major restructurings during my tenure, and there was a change in senior leadership. The new chief who took over the HR portfolio was from Shanghai, and she gave me full support - not just in my work, but also in looking after my mum, whose dementia had worsened by then. She would chase me to leave work daily because she knew my mum would get anxious if I arrived home late. She also told me I could work from home anytime I needed to, well before working from home became the norm. We are friends now and meet up every few months to catch up.

• The airline company was eventually acquired and merged with another airline. With the merger, I was demoted two levels and made to report to someone much more junior than me. Overnight, people who used to report to me became my peers. Life got increasingly difficult as I was considered an “outsider”. Life was tough. My job search was met with numerous rejections despite the many interviews I attended. Just when I got really demoralised, I received a call from a lady asking if I was keen to consider a L&OD role of a global telco; and that if successful, I would report to her. This lady turned out to be a friend of an ex-army colleague whom I had helped when he was based in Tampa, Florida, more than a decade ago. I went through no less than 6 interviews, got accepted and spent a good seven years there, helping it build three other departments and won numerous awards.

• In the post-COVID years, I suffered burnout and decided to take a 6-month sabbatical. Company policy stated that for any sabbatical lasting more than three months, employees would be asked to resign if there was no role at the end of the sabbatical. In my case, my CHRO told me, “Just go. Have a good rest. We will make sure we have a role for you at the end of your sabbatical.” Eventually, a new role was created for me. I went on to help the company build the new department and won another major award before leaving the company to pursue my own interest.

• I left the telco to pivot towards freelancing, channelling most of my energy into developing myself as a coach. I did not actively pursue trainer roles at the time, as my focus was elsewhere. Yet, opportunities emerged organically. I landed two adjunct trainer roles through relationships I had built along the way. In the first instance, a course mate I had worked closely with came across an HR trainer opportunity and shared it with me. I applied and was successful. For the second instance, I casually mentioned my interest in becoming a trainer to a course mate during a peer coaching session. That simple conversation led to an introduction to someone well connected within the training community, who subsequently put my name forward to a training company. This eventually resulted in my second adjunct trainer role.

So yeah, when I think about all these instances, I can’t help but feel deeply grateful to every person and opportunity that somehow appeared when I needed it. The above were just examples from my career journey. And it was not just once or twice, but consistently through my whole corporate life over the last 25 years! I was and still am indeed blessed.

I am grateful.

Exploding Eggs

I wanted to prepare two hard-boiled eggs for breakfast tomorrow. I placed two eggs in a pot of water and turned on the stove. Then I went off to watch a show on Netflix and conveniently forgot all about the eggs. The next thing I knew, I smelled something odd coming from the kitchen. 

The water had completely dried up and the inside of the pot had turned patchy black. I hurriedly turned off the stove and, before I could do anything else, one egg exploded - like a hand grenade! OMG! Never in my life did I imagine a hard boiled egg could actually explode like that! What a mess!

:-)

Scammers in Grindr

Lately, I’ve sensed a shift in tactics by scammers in Grindr.

Sometime back, scammers tend to have nice pics on their profiles and they would send messages that go something like “are you looking for a friend or a relationship”. I would block them whenever I get such messages. After a while, I was able to see some patterns. I can almost categorise my block list into different persons based these patterns. For example, I noted one group has identical profile photos but slightly different names structure eg, all the name starts with “m” all in small caps (m, mk, mm, mr). Or another group that has similar names (“kuan” stands out as the most common) but different photos. After blocking them consistently, I have gradually gotten lesser messages from such profiles.

Then, I started getting messages from blank profiles with names like “wi”. And all their messages start with something simple, such as a “hi” or “hello”, followed by a picture of a cute guy. Interestingly, I do get different profiles attaching the same photo. Added to that, the clearest telltale sign is that the guys in the picture look like they are from China. I had initially replied a couple of the messages but started blocking them when I saw telltale signs such as them asking “do you speak Chinese” or calling Grindr “software”. Also, once you reply them, they’d almost immediately ask “can we exchange Telegram or WhatsApp because I don’t usually use this software often”.

And the latest for me are profiles that explicitly state in their profile, in Chinese - regardless of simplified or traditional - that “they are not looking for fun but seriously looking for friends to chat or a relationship”. And then they will add “scammers keep away”. I am still not very sure if these are scammers as the profile seemed believable. But I am not replying to their messages as yet although some are quite insistent and have sent repeated messages. Let’s just observe and see. 

Common to all these profiles above? 

• Age - 30s to early 40s
• Race - Asian
• Role - Versatile
• Height - 1.8-ish
• Weight - 70-ish kg
• Details often include the word “sincere”

And one more thing I noticed - I get their messages when I reflect my age in my profile. But once I removed my age, I hardly get messages from such profiles. It suggests that these scammers go for specific groups of people, particularly those that they think are better off and they target people’s insecurities and wants. Regrettably, in the gay circle, insecurities (tangible or otherwise) are real and aplenty, and many seek pleasures and gratifications.

Stressful Times

I get stressed when things do not happen according to established rules of the game, out of the norm and the latest series of events made me very uneasy.

I’m specifically referring to the things that USA is doing of late, developments happening in and around Venezuela, its aftermath, withdrawing of its missions, etc and, not to mention, the additional nonsenses that will likely happen in the next 2 years. Such belligerent and bully behaviour is not what one would expect of a superpower - one that’s been a responsible leader in world affairs, until recent years…

I say so becos I know there will be direct impact on me. I do not know the matter deep enough to specifically pinpoint how it will impact me and the timeline it will happen but, off the cuff, I can say it will have implications on geopolitical stability, economics, security, etc and all these will filter down to our day to day lives, cost of living, etc eventually.

And so, it makes it even more important for me to do what is within my control - to make sure whoever I put in charge of running this island state is of sound mind, think long term, provide stable hands and has the people in the centre of their heart and policies. Only then, can they steer this little island well amidst this turbulent times.

Sighs…

Food & I

It has been a long while since I last wrote anything about “xxx and I”, or about my relationship with a particular subject. So today, I thought I would reflect a little on my relationship with food. Most, if not all, of my key interactions with people I know - relatives, friends, exes, colleagues and others - have taken place over meals. Food is an essential part of my life, and I dare say, everyone’s life. Some of my most memorable moments involving food are captured in the snippets below:

• My earliest memory of food was shredded fried batang fish with chopped chye sim, eaten with white rice drenched in water and a bit of soya sauce. My mum often made this for me when I was a child. She would feed me spoonful by spoonful as I ran around the open spaces of our landlord’s house. It was simple fare, reflective of the days when we were poor and life was much simpler. Yet to toddler-me, it tasted heavenly. I would pester my mum to make it as often as she could.

• Growing up poor, we could afford to eat chicken only 2 or 3 times a year - during Chinese New Year, the Celestial God’s Birthday and the Hungry Ghost Festival. There may have been 1 or 2 other occasions, but these were the ones I remember most clearly. Essentially, we ate chicken only when it was offered to the gods during prayers. It was prepared simply - boiled and rubbed with salt. Whole chicken carcasses were offered to the gods, and salt was the most appropriate preparation (for offerings to the deceased, the chicken would be chopped).

• During my younger days, my dad worked at the airport delivering meals to planes or clearing leftover, unconsumed food. Back then, controls were far less strict, and he would sometimes bring trays of untouched chicken thighs/ drumsticks home in the middle of the night. We would get very excited whenever he did. Occasionally, he would also order takeaway hor fun to go with it, much to our delight. Mum would keep the leftovers and steam them for our breakfast the next day.

• As a teenager, I was literally a bottomless pit. At my peak, I could eat 7 bowls of rice, 2 chicken burgers, 6 doughnuts, 1 roti john and a packet of Hokkien noodles at a go. Looking back, I have no idea how I managed it. My mum often cooked extra rice at night because I was perpetually hungry, and I would prepare fried rice for my supper almost every evening - so I had pork fried rice, chye sim fried rice, seafood fried rice, etc. I also bought doughnuts and dim sum frequently during those years. Puberty really is quite something.

• My mum was very strict - and rather unquestioning - about religious practices. She had been brought up to believe that Buddhists should not consume beef. As a result, we were not allowed to eat beef. Eventually, I learnt that Buddhism does not prohibit the consumption of beef. I first tasted beef by accident during my uni days, when I ate a curry puff at a potluck lunch. My mouth went numb afterwards. Over time, I noticed that this happened whenever I ate beef. It took me several months to get used to it, but I enjoy beef now. Steak? Yes - medium rare.

• I celebrate major occasions with food. One memory that stands out is a Mother’s Day dinner in the mid-1990s. I had just started working and wanted to treat my mum to a nice meal. I made a reservation at a Chinese restaurant for the family. We enjoyed the food, but when my mum found out that the dinner cost over $500, she complained that it was expensive, not value for money, and the food was not even nice. She insisted I had wasted my money and that we would have been better off eating at home. That dinner became her annual gripe every Mother’s Day until she passed on - a classic example of cost versus generational mindset.

• I have travelled widely and tried many different cuisines over the years. That said, I often find myself craving rice after some time. Perhaps it is something ingrained in me from young, tied to my southern Chinese heritage. I need rice to feel sustained - it doesn't matter whether its basmati, pearl short-grain or Thai fragrant rice. I recall spending six months in Tampa, Florida, on a work attachment in the early 2000s. After two weeks of sandwiches, bread and pasta, I couldn't take it and I had to cook my own rice-based meals. That was the same for my Asian peers! We simply missed rice too much.

• Apart from rice, there is one other essential: chilli - or more specifically, malay chilli pastes, or sambal. When I trained overseas for extended periods, I will not fail to ask my mum to prepare a bottle of sambal belachan for me, especially when I was heading to Taiwan. It is not that they lack chilli there, but I was brought up in a Peranakan and South-East Asian environment, and I am accustomed to the spices of this region. It has become part of my identity as a Singaporean, or more broadly, as a South-East Asian. I feel completely at home with the cuisines of Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines and beyond.

• I enjoy trying all kinds of food and have savoured delicacies from many countries and continents. People often ask me what my favourite cuisine is. To tell you the truth, I do not have a specific favourite. I am not particularly picky, and every place has its own distinctive flavours. I enjoy whatever I eat at wherever I visit. I feel blessed by the rich food experiences I have had. They have allowed me to connect more deeply with people. Food, after all, is an extension of culture.

• That said, there was one particularly repulsive food experience that remains vivid in my memory - fresh snake blood. During my national service days, as part of survival training, we were required to kill and prepare live animals for food. And so, we were given live chickens, iguanas, pythons, rabbits, frogs and turtles, etc. I still recall a python being hung up and dangled from the second floor, we had to severe its head and consume the blood as it flowed. The taste was cold, salty and metallic. It was an experience I will never forget.

• I have a sweet tooth. I enjoy cakes (tiramisu, Black Forest, carrot cake, chocolate mousse, etc) as well as ice cream (rum and raisin, cookies and cream, peanut butter), cookies, macarons, and all kinds of Malay and Peranakan desserts such as chendol, bubur terigu, bubur cha cha, pengat and all sorts of kueh kueh. Desserts have become such a natural part of my meals that I instinctively leave space for them. To me, anything coconut-based is good - and this probably explains my love for curries and many Malay and Peranakan desserts. That said, I am not a big fan of South Asian desserts, which I find overly sweet.

• I once travelled to Israel for work and was struck by the warmth and hospitality of my host. I was hosted to lunch and was served an enormous spread of bread and condiments - hummus, olives, jams and more. Wanting to show my appreciation, I ate a bit of everything. Just as I was completely full and ready to stop, my host cheerfully announced, “Alright, now let’s enjoy the mains.” OMG! I could say the same of Middle Eastern hospitality in places like Abu Dhabi and Dubai - long meals, abundant food, and an emphasis on generosity. I always ended up eating far more than I have space for.

• I once attended a wedding in Hyderabad with colleagues and was assigned a chaperone for the 3-day celebrations. From early morning to late night, we were constantly fed vegetarian food. The chaperone’s job was to ensure we were well fed - and we certainly were. And the amount and spread was humongous! By the end, we were desperate for meat. On the final day, we were taken to a famous Hyderabad dum biryani restaurant, where we were served heaps of fragrant rice and chicken, along with countless side dishes. Many of us swore off vegetarian food for months after that trip.

• The first meal with my first partner was at a zichar place at Simpang Bedok. We ordered a couple of dishes including salted vegetable soup with tofu and seafood. I later learned that he thought the soup tasted like dishwater as he disliked watery soups and preferred thick, gooey, strong flavoured ones such as sharks fin, sweet sour soup, etc. Added to that, he has a preference for western fare such as steaks, pasta, sandwiches, etc.

• My last partner loved good food and always wanted me to bring him to good restaurants. It was not uncommon to hear him say things like, "You never bring me to this place or that place". I always end up being chided for not bringing him to taste whatever food I had eaten before whenever I mentioned about any specific eatery to him. 

• I am not too fussy about food.  I believe that food is for sustenance, i.e. eating to live and not the other way round - living to eat. Also, I cannot really differentiate between good, better or best food. But of cos, I can draw a clear distinction between good and bad food and there remain some things that I will not eat. Then again, taste is subjective - one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Being practical and simple, I value company and convenience over type of food I eat. I will not bother to join long queues for food at any eateries, no matter how good the food is. 

So yeah, above were some of my key reflections/ memories related to food. I totally agree with the saying - the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Afterall, food defines a large part of a person's identity, culture and life experiences. My reflections above is a testament to this.

Flu

My body started feeling weird a couple of days back, and I began sneezing badly yesterday morning. By evening, my nose was dripping like crazy. I woke up this morning feeling a tad feverish and my throat felt scratchy - yup, it looks like the onset of a cold/ flu. 

I’ve been drowning myself in vitamin C and water these past few days. I hope it doesn’t deteriorate too much. The last time I came down with a horrible flu was in the first week of June last year - exactly 6 months ago - and I thought I’d managed to maintain my health record. Sigh!

What a bummer…

Below 63kg!

My weight and body fat last morning was 62.95kg and 12% respectively.

The last time I weighed below 63kg was probably some 3-4 decades ago. As of this morning, I was still holding onto the below-63kg weight at 62.90kg. I have always wanted to keep my weight to between 62.5 - 62.8kg and often this target seemed too unreal, until recently. But of cos, what's most important it to keep healthy. 

Yay!

LinkedIn Account Hacked

My LinkedIn account was hacked 2 days ago by someone in Vietnam.

I received an email in the evening asking me to enter a verification code into my LinkedIn account. I didn’t quite understand what it was about, so I ignored it. Not long after that, I received another email informing me that the email address associated with my LinkedIn account had been changed - to a Western-sounding name. Sensing something amiss, I immediately tried to log in, only to be told that the email and password I entered were invalid.

That was just the start of the nightmare. 

I created a dummy account to search for my profile and confirmed that it was still there. I quickly reported the issue to LinkedIn. After several rounds of back-and-forth emails, which included providing my identification, I was informed that my ID could not be accepted and that I had violated LinkedIn’s terms. I was then told that my account would be frozen and that I would no longer be able to access it. To make matters worse, the customer support representative ended the email curtly with, “This will be my last response to you on this matter.” As the victim, I was made to feel as though I was the problem.

To make things even more surreal, yesterday, I received a WhatsApp message from a local LinkedIn sales team member asking me to complete a form about hiring and talent products that I had supposedly requested. I ignored the message and deleted it. Early this morning, the same person called to follow up on that “request”. I told her I had never asked for any such services and that my account had been hacked. To her credit, she was kind enough to point me to a support link where I could seek help. So… I went through the same process again and wrote in once more. 

Let’s see where this leads.

Sighs...

PS: I asked myself if this is a good opportunity to let go of the account and just create a new one. Fresh start perhaps, but I feel tired just thinking of going through the whole hassle of recreating the account!

Afternote: LinkedIn has reinstated my account this evening using a different email. As a safeguard, I changed my password and activated F2A.

Food Food Food!

I’m starting 2026 with my fridge bursting with food. 

My sister and friends have been visiting over the past few days. The amount of food they brought over is absolutely not humanly possible to finish within one or two days! I had no choice but to go into selective freezing mode. 

My fridge now has grilled corn, lasagne, sandwiches, fried bee hoon, braised chicken, stir-fried vegetables, cooked rice, 3 tubs of ice cream, cakes, durian, dragon fruit, bananas and clementines - and that’s not counting the tau kwa, egg tofu and all the raw stuff that I had stocked up…

I did not foresee this and had purchased snacks last couple of weeks: tau sar piah, keropok belinjau, cashew nuts, peanuts, raisins and preserved Buddha’s palm. 

Maintaining my diet is now officially a challenge!

Being Wealthy

I have an observation: F-ing filthy rich people tend to be extremely sensitive about money. So much so that it becomes unhealthy sometimes - especially when it starts to shape their worldview and attitude towards others. 

Here are two examples.

Person A 

This person has always loved money. He worked as a trader his entire career and retired some years back. After stopping work, he continues trading daily and supposedly make a good amount monthly. He hunts across different supermarkets for the best prices - including $2 “uglies”, fruits that no longer look fresh and are heavily discounted. He knows exactly which place sells an item a few cents cheaper than another.

His social circle mainly consists of ex-colleagues - in other words, filthy rich people. Over time, he developed a tendency to look down on people who are less well-off. He often makes remarks like, “I’m up here, they’re down there.” He is extremely careful about what he says when interacting with his friends, often suspecting that they are eyeing his wealth.

With me, he would sometimes subtly brag about his wealth - perhaps unconsciously, but it does reflect something about him. He once told me he’s glad to have me as a friend because I’m not eyeing his wealth or trying to gain something from him. That was a real eye-roll moment for me - but also a sad one.

Friend B

Friend B is a nice person. He worked in Singapore’s banking sector for many years. He retired in his 40s, almost a decade ago. He currently lives on several passive income streams he had established during his earlier years. He enjoys travelling and does about 4 - 5 overseas trips annually. 

Amongst my friends, he is probably the most informed person when it comes to promos - food promos, to be specific. This includes which place has the best lunch deal, where to get the cheapest meals, which supermarket to get the best priced food, etc. This is also where I sometimes struggle when eating with him. 

When we meet for meals, he would ask where I’d like to go or what I’d like to eat, but he would usually counter my suggestion with his promo alternatives. I have since learned to go along with his suggestion, even when I have something else in mind. I’m not too particular about where or what to eat. It’s the company that matters. Also, I value convenience over price, although once a while, I would splurge and reward myself with something nice, even if it’s expensive.

I guess wealth shapes a person in ways beyond their control sometimes. And that brings me back to my point: rich people tend to be very money-conscious. And that's not a bad thing altogether. What's bad is when such wealth coexist with extreme frugality and when they begin to look down on people. But it got me thinking, maybe their being extra money-conscious is why they’re rich. And maybe that’s why I’m not. 

Haha.

Focus for 2026

Here’re the key areas of focus for me in 2026:

• Remain grounded in gratitude
• Live with purpose and compassion
• Embrace vulnerability and courage
• Nurture relationships that matter
• Deepen my spiritual practice
• Care for my health and well-being

They are not resolutions per se, but a set of principles to guide me in how I will conduct my life this year.

2025 - Grounded, then Surrendered

Preface

This entry took me more than a month to write, even with some help from ChatGPT. It has been one of the hardest pieces I’ve written in a long time. My first draft was too raw - influenced too much by experiences that are still unfolding. I needed time and distance before I could sit with the year and see it with greater clarity. 

I also struggled with the descriptors for the year. I didn’t want it to sound overly negative, yet I wanted it to reflect the truth of what the year held. I considered single words like gratitude, compassion, courage, surrender - all of which felt close, but not quite complete. The turning point came after Christmas, when I decided I didn’t need to force the year into a single narrative. Instead, I could honour it as it was lived - in two very distinct parts. And with this, I chose a dual-descriptor title - Grounded, then Surrendered.

This reflection follows that structure. 

I welcome comments but request that no questions be asked. It is simply my attempt to make sense of a year that asked much of me - and changed me in ways I am still coming to understand.

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2025 began grounded and purposeful, before giving way to a season that demanded surrender and introspection.

A year after leaving corporate life and earning my credentials as a trainer and coach, I stepped into 2025 ready to rebuild. There was momentum and a quiet confidence in how I should push forth but things did not happen the way I wanted it to. What unfolded was a first half shaped by movement and purpose, and a second that called for a very different kind of presence altogether.

Part I: Grounded & Purposeful (January - May)

2025 kicked off with the momentum established in 2024. It carried a sense of rhythm and direction, and life felt anchored. There was meaning in the work I was doing, energy in the connections I was nurturing, and a quiet confidence in how I showed up each day. I was engaged, contributing, and moving with intention. I was mentoring, coaching and training. And I was traveling…

Then the year shifted... big time!

Part II: Surrender & Introspection (June - December)

From mid-year onward, life pressed in ways beyond my control. What followed was a sustained period of constraint and reckoning. Freedom narrowed significantly. Time came to a standstill. Familiar reference points disappeared. This period became a season of surrender. Strength no longer looked like progress or achievement. Instead, it was about staying present, honest and facing harsh realities. I told myself I must take accountability despite being confronted with fear, vulnerability, and uncertainties. But during this time, something quieter emerged: Clarity. Not dramatic or sudden, but quiet and steady. I came to recognise that endurance, moment by moment, could itself be a form of strength.

Rediscovering Purpose & Compassion 

This period crystallized my understanding of purpose. I had previously believed purpose was something found at the end of the journey - a destination reached through striving. But 2025 taught me otherwise. Purpose revealed itself in small, often unremarkable moments: choosing presence, offering care and support, staying engaged even when depleted. Supporting others - through mentoring, coaching, and training - remained central. Even during the most constrained months, I continued to walk alongside people and helping them navigate their uncertainties. Admittedly, there were many days where I had absolutely nothing left in me to offer except to listen and to hold space quietly. And it made me realise that purpose is not measured by outcomes or visibility, but by consistency and sincerity. I also learned that compassion must begin from within to be truly effective. I needed to be patient and gentle with myself when I was exhausted, and to forgive myself when I met my limits and could offer no more. Only then could I continue to be present for others.

Family & Meaningful Relationships 

This year clarified who truly matters. Despite the strains in relationships in 2024, family showed up in ways that were steady and unquestioning. Their presence anchored me when everything else felt uncertain. Friends and colleagues who continued to trust me - despite the circumstances - reminded me that connection is sustained through constancy, not convenience. During this period, new relationships were made, even as existing ones were tested and revealed their limits. Some drifted. Some disappointed. But I am grateful to all. These relationships continued to teach me about the importance of truth, boundaries, and reciprocity. 

Spiritual Grounding through Buddhism 

The experiences I had made me go back to my spiritual roots. Buddhism became a steady anchor through this period. I returned to regular meditation - sitting, observing, allowing - it became less a practice and more a refuge. It taught me again that surrender is not weakness but courage: the courage to remain present, to loosen the grip on certainty, to meet experience as it is. Through practice, I learned to trust impermanence rather than resist it. To find steadiness not in control, but in awareness. In stillness, I found clarity. In acceptance, strength. And in letting go, freedom. 

Inner Strength and Quiet Courage 

This year tested courage in ways I didn’t expect. Not the dramatic kind, but the kind that endures. The courage to take accountability. To feel fully. To act with integrity when no one is watching. To continue supporting others while carrying my own weight internally. There were moments when I was stretched beyond comfort - holding space for others while managing my own discomfort and uncertainty. And in doing so, I discovered a resilience I had not known before. In the process, I learned that strength is not always visible but simply the decision to stay present, to respond with care, and to keep going. 

Well-Being, Health, and Self-Compassion 

A major breakthrough this year is in the area of health. Despite several health scares, I end the year with a clean bill of health - heart, kidneys, blood pressure all steady. In many ways, I am healthier than I have in decades. This year reinforced that caring for the body is not indulgence, but responsibility. Movement, nourishment, rest, and rhythm became acts of respect. They grounded me and gave me the capacity to endure. Every walk, every mindful meal, every pause became a quiet affirmation: I matter. Well-being is not merely survival; it is living with intention. It is preserving the capacity to show up - for life, and for others. 

2025 in a Nutshell 

This year was defined by contrast - between movement and stillness, effort and surrender, certainty and unknowing. It was a year that forced things onto me, stripped things back and tested me in ways I did not anticipate nor choose.  But I chose how to meet them and in doing so, I found Clarity. Strength. Purpose. Compassion - for others and for myself.

Looking Ahead to 2026

The Chinese zodiac predicts that 2026, the Year of the Fire Horse, will be a superbly challenging year for me (as I’m a Fire Horse myself) and friends have suggested that I keep a low profile to protect myself. Perhaps 2025 was meant to prepare me for it. Whatever the case, I step into 2026 carrying the lessons of 2025: 

• To remain grounded in gratitude, even when life feels uncertain. 
• To live with purpose and compassion, through mentoring, coaching, and presence. 
• To embrace vulnerability and courage, showing up even when it feels uncomfortable. 
• To nurture relationships that matter, rooted in trust and authenticity. 
• To deepen my spiritual practice, allowing surrender to guide me. 
• To care for my health and well-being, so I can continue to live and serve fully. 

2026, I am ready.

Happy New Year everybody!

Entering 60

With 2026 round the corner, it just hit me that I will be entering a new decade of my life in the coming year. 

By the Chinese zodiac cycle, I would have fully completed my sexagenary cycle (六十甲子）or five cycles, covering all 5 elements, of the 12 animal signs - a significant milestone by traditional standards. Many people I know make it a point to celebrate their 60th birthday in a rather grand manner. After all, one is said to be “reborn” when one hits 60. 

Admittedly, I did have the same thought - maybe throw a grand dinner at a restaurant and invite family and friends? Sounds good but I don’t have many friends! And as for family… let’s not even go there given the realities of who is not talking to who, who is not on good terms with who, etc…

Anyway, this is just a random post. But yes, the turn of the year has made me a little more conscious of time, and of how I should live the last phase of my life. For now, let’s close 2025 properly. I’ll post my annual reflection tomorrow at midnight.

Can’t wait for 2025 to end!

A nice update

A friend I knew recently secured a job! 

Am so very happy for him, especially given the challenging circumstances he’s in (not gonna share further here cos it’s not relevant). Started talking him to him about job search 2 months ago but as it’s the year end period, things were somewhat slow. Nonetheless, he managed to land an interview 2 weeks ago and I spent some time preparing him for it.

He called me after the interview sounding disappointed. He felt it didn’t go well as he got nervous and fumbled many times. But he said the hiring manager was nice and made him feel comfortable during the interview itself. I thought that was a good thing but didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to raise his expectations. 

Then he called me on Christmas Eve to tell me he has been offered the job and he has accepted it! I could literally feel his excitement when he called me! It will be a great start for him come 2026! Hopefully he can turn his life around and things get stabilized for him soon!

Hurray!