Grateful 27 Mar: Reframing

I started off today with a sense of unhappiness that I could not quite explain at first. It wasn’t triggered by any one major event, but rather a series of small situations that began to accumulate. As I reflected, I realised how quickly I was slipping into a familiar pattern - attributing how I felt to external circumstances and people. This awareness reminded me that if I did not consciously reframe, I would simply spiral into unhelpful thinking. And so today became an opportunity to practise what I have been focusing on this year - self-compassion, and to embrace my own vulnerabilities. Let me share more:

• Class confirmation. I have been scheduled to deliver a class next weekend. It is a new module that I had not taught before and there is much to prepare - content, activity, admin, and so on. Yet, to date, there has been no confirmation - something highly unusual. With no response from the coordinator despite a few follow-ups, I could feel my frustration building. But when I stepped back, I asked myself a simple question: regardless of whether this class proceeds next weekend, will I still need to deliver this module it at some point in future? The answer was yes. That realisation shifted something in me. Instead of waiting in uncertainty, I chose to begin my preparation. In doing so, I felt a sense of control return. I even found myself mentally rehearsing parts of the session. The tension I initially felt towards the organisation lifted, replaced by a quiet sense of progress. I am thankful for this reframing. 

• Meet ups. The second situation involved a friend who was silent and non-committal about meeting up this week, breaking our usual routine. Almost immediately, my mind began to fill the gap with assumptions - am I no longer a priority, did I do/ say something wrong?... I noticed how easily my earlier frustration fed into these thoughts, creating a chain of negativity. But again, I paused and reframed. If he is not available, wouldn't this be an opportunity for me to spend time with myself? To explore something new, or simply to enjoy my own company? Why should my emotional state depend on someone else’s availability? I have been here before, in past friendships and relationships, and I know where such thinking can lead. With this awareness, I let the thoughts pass. The lightness that followed reminded me that self-reliance, in an emotional sense, is something I am still learning - and today, I took a small step forward. I am thankful for this realisation. 

• Daily Routine. My daily mid-day routine has been lunch, kopi-o kosong at Simei and walk around the industrial estate. But it had started to feel stale, especially after a few more varied days recently. So instead of going through the motions, I decided to change things slightly. I took a bus to Bedok for my lunch and walked back via a different route. Along the way, I passed through the Tanah Merah estate, visited the San Qing Gong temple (see photo above), and observed people carrying out their Qingming prayers. Yet, I still kept to what mattered to me - my walk and my kopi-o kosong at Simei. This small shift reminded me that reframing does not always require drastic change. Sometimes, it is about adjusting how we approach the familiar, allowing space for new experiences without losing what grounds us. I am thankful for this simple yet refreshing change. 

As I reflect on the day, I am reminded that life will always present situations that are uncertain, inconvenient, or disappointing. The instinct to blame or to externalise is a natural one, but it is not always a helpful one. What matters more is the ability to pause, to reframe, and to ask: what is within my control, and what can I do with what is in front of me? This is something I do when I coach others! And in doing so, I find that not only do I become more productive, but I also feel more at peace. Perhaps this is what self-compassion looks like in practice - not avoiding discomfort, but choosing how I respond to it. I am thankful for this awareness and the reminder to reframe.