parkway experiences

the following were interesting things that we experienced in parkway parade over the past couple of days...

- people who spit from upper floors (kids in particular who thought it was fun).

- people who throw away 1 cent coin from upper floors.

- ladies who wear mini skirts and choose to stand beside the upper floor railings... hmmm, not a good idea.

- men who stand and stare down into woman's blouses from upstairs.

- bitchy management personnel who complain of all sorts of things.

interesting customers

'had been helping bee sell mooncakes at parkway parade and have come across lots of interesting people who behaved in the most bizarre manners and/ or asked questions that are outright `duh' or damned difficult to answer!!! let me share some of these here...

(customer took a look at the mooncakes) is your mooncake nice? (of cos la... as a sales person, who'd ever answer their things are not nice...)

(customer, after sampling a mooncake) hmmm, yes, it's very nice, very nice indeed... let me think about it... (customer walked one round, came back) just now i tasted your mooncake, after a while, i think it is not very nice. it seemed to have a little bitter aftertaste. why huh? (errr...) but never mind, give me one box... (hmmm...)

(customer took a look at the mooncakes and the pricings) hmmm, yes, this brand is from hong kong and it is very nice. you guys imported it huh? good good... but how come it is more expensive here than in hong kong? (errr... mooncake needs to take aeroplane. must buy aeroplane tickets wor...)

(customer took at look at the mooncakes and the cookies) hmmm... looks around... (we went up and greeted her and asked if she needed assistance) no, no, no, i know this is from hong kong. i have worked a long time in hong kong! so i know these products much better than you! (she said, half shouting, and she walked off...) (!!!)

(customer took at look at the mooncakes and the cookies) hi m'am, these are from hong kong (customer stared at us, rolled her eyes, gave us the "tai-tai-huh!!!" look and walked away) (!!!)

(customer, after sampling a mooncake) good good, give me a box of white lotus single yolk (showed her the box and the content) oh, good thanks (packed the box of mooncake and asked for payment) huh?!?!? i don't want!!! i don't want already!!!...(woman walked off hurriedly) (errr... bee said the customer was probably schizophrenic)

interesting ya? heh heh... then again, as sales staff, we just smiled, thanked the customers, and wished them a good day... i strongly believe that as customers, much as we demand service, we also need to recognise that when service staff tries their best, we should at least accord some form of respect and courtesy to them. a smile or a thank you would be a very good start.

...

ah lians ah bengs

have been selling mooncakes at parkway parade over the last week plus. and it was certainly a very good experience. i had opportunities to interact with the staff from the neighbouring stalls during moments when sales were slow. these are short term contract workers who have been roped in to sell mooncakes.

by speaking to them, it was clear that they are unlikely to move up the social ladder. they belong almost certainly to the very heartlander class of the singaporean society and they are often lesser educated, not too well-off and of course, are predominantly dialect speakers - hokkien to be specific. and they really believe that they only have to work very very very hard to succeed in life. and their definition of success is often narrowly defined as "getting rich". yet, due to their limitations (in education, and so on), get caught in the working class layer of the society. well, i am stating this not from a derogatory angle. rather, i am stating this in the most matter-of-fact manner.

then again, the few things that i really enjoyed interacting with them was the fact that they are very real, and very down-to-earth. they say what they want to say. they laughed. they joked. they smiled. very straightforward. very unpretentious and very sincere. and at times, it seemed like we are all the underdogs of the society. hmmm... whether it is real or not, i am not sure, but certainly, i can say they have excellent work ethics and exhibit a own set of values that we do not often see amongst people of the `upper-class' (hmm... sounds rather atas here). camaraderie, discipline, hard-working... just to name a few.

reflecting, when they were young, they were mostly the people that we brand as ah lians and ah bengs in singapore. and of cos, very often, we (myself included admittedly) do not want to associate ourselves with them for doing so would be kinda embarrassing as they were considered uncouthed, loud, and often of bad background. they are now in their mid-thirties or older. and as they are lesser educated and not computer-literate, they avoid the computer (and the internet). and in doing so, missed out on the information and knowledge age and this contribute to the further alienation from the society... and of cos, they continue to spiral downwards in the society. but from my observations, a few things i could say for sure - they are damned hardworking, damned bloody conscientious in their work, and have damned bloody excellent good work attitude. they worked hard minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, just to get that meagre pay (for some as little as $5 an hour) to sustain their family. and i give them my respect.

frankly, interacting with them reminds me of my own parents generation and the good old kampong days. it was those similar work ethics that managed to provide me and my siblings through our education and our lives. this feeling made me feel kinda warm and kinda close to them. and i wish them well and that their children would benefit from their hardwork as i did my parents.

:-)

blood pressure

went for my routine health check today. blood pressure is a little high. been asked to keep track of my blood pressure on a regular basis and to go back again for a follow-up check in 8 weeks time.

otherwise, everything else seemed pretty fine.

:-)

meditation class

today, i started my meditation class with schneider. bee was busy with the mooncake selling and couldn't attend. and i really found the class very good. never ever had a buddhist shi fu (venerable) ever been so smooth in her delivery before. the nun was also able to make everyone comfortable and relaxed. it didn't matter if we did not have any experience in meditation for she started from the basics. we were taught about correct breathing techniques and sitting postures.

and for our homework, she asked us to do two things - talk less, and don't rush. simple things to make us more aware of ourselves (mindfulness) and in doing so, calm our minds.

i thought she was very good!

one summer night

omg!!! i actually found this song in youtube! it's one of my earliest favourite pop song that was hugely popular during my childhood days! been looking for the album for many years...

:-)

first step

have made my first step in my job search this morning.

managed to brushed up my resume and have sent it out for a job opening. really, not expecting anything out of this, but i thought it was a very good first step to have my resume done!

:-)

selling mooncakes

have been helping out bee in selling mooncakes at the parkway parade shopping center over the past few days... erm, ok, ok not really selling but rather, in placking, unpacking, accounting, displaying and so on. but whenever the opportunity allowed, i'd try doing some promoting. but being unfamiliar with the product, i could only do as much as smile and give a brief superficial introduction.

today, and given that bee was at work, i decided to drop by to reinforce james. and i must say there were really lots of opportunities given that the evening crowd was quite good. i decided to try doing the selling proper and went about memorizing the products. before i knew it, a guy came along. after some introduction, i was able to sense his interest in buying. but as he could not decide on which flavour to take, i recommended the premium assortment pack to him. frankly, i was trying my luck as the assortment pack was not really moving very fast today. and what do you know! he actually took my recommendation and asked for 2 boxes on the spot!

heh heh, my first sale! it certainly felt good.

well, i am having fun at the moment. not too sure if this is gonna be something i want to do in the longer term. but of cos, to help out is something that i think i can do. for now.

:-)

双人相梦

have been looking for this song 双人相梦 by 年少之岛 (方炯镔&黄启铭) for the longest time ever. over the last weekend, as i was talking about it casually while on our way to melaka, damien was able to identify the name of the group and finally found the song in the internet!

so happy!

:-)

melaka again

made another trip to melaka over the hari raya puasa aidil fitri holiday with schneider and damien. nothing fanciful, just to chill off and to take a break from singapore. and i must say my melaka trip this time round revolved around eating and shopping. nothing much. but i enjoyed it. the company was good. and we were all very relax.

frankly, when we started off thinking of going for a holiday, we toyed around with locations such as hong kong, taiwan, etc. but given the need to syncrhonize our schedules and manage our budget, we ended up with melaka (again!). then again, it seemed a natural choice as we all liked melaka quite a bit.

melaka is a very nice place. not too fast, not too slow... and apart from the cheaper ringgit, the proximity to singapore is certainly a very good plus factor. of cos, there are disadvantages of heading to somewhere close like melaka. for example, one cannot really get out of the `òut of singapore' mentality. for that matter, when in melaka, my `guesstimate' was that more than half of the guests in the hotel was singaporeans! and i even met my coursemates, and ex-student there!

really, if given a choice, i'd prefer to go somewhere far, somewhere cold, somewhere where i cannot be recognized. and where i can just totally totally blank off and be myself, or for that matter, be naughty! and better still, head off for a holiday alone. this way, there will be no pressure to conform, no pressure to consult your travel partner (where to eat, where to go, when to go, what to do and so on). and certainly when alone, i can choose to go anywhere i want - explore by myself, experience things without feeling constraint. having said this, i am also sure i will miss having people around me. having people to look out for me. having people to fuss about. heh heh. i sound so contradicting. well... i must be tired.

anyway, such places are hard to come by when one does not want to spend too much.

:-)

empty thoughts

i've been rather lazy in my blogging lately. it's so un-me to be like that... well, at least, un-me as compared to last year. anyway, i have been rather busy lately. and of cos, i was busy in a rather nice way - meeting up with friends for dinners and heading off for holiday over the hari raya weekend...

talking about dinners with friends, i had dinner with tai last week. it was a dinner that had been postponed since a couple of weeks back. it was also our first time meeting up. and well, i must say, it was a very good meeting. have not really sat down and speak with someone (anyone for that matter) for a long time. and it certainly made me feel good. it made me feel alive.

being with people, talking to people, interacting with people... they all have this beautiful effect of making one feel alive and connected. well, at least for me for i am usually a rather quiet person who'd rather keep to myself. not that it is not good. but when one keeps to himself too long and too often, he goes into this state where he begins to live in his own world. and he becomes somewhat like a zombie. all things comes to a stand still. and that is not good at all. so... before i become a zombie, i better start to re-connect myself into the society!

:-)

feelings

feelings... nothing more than feelings... nice song, even nicer ad.

haha!

1.5 months

i am now 1.5 months into my post-service life. given my savings and my retirement benefits, i reckon i should be able to sustain for about a year and a half. but as it stands, i am beginning to feel bored. perhaps it is a good time to look back and review what i have done and where i am heading. there are 3 key things that i think i need to relook as i progress. these are, in no order of priority, my personal life, my family and my career. 

 
when i first left service, i had told myself that for my personal life, i would dedicate the immediate few months to myself to rest, to consolidate and to catch up with friends. in terms of my family, i had also made the commitment to spent more time with my mum before i start looking for a job. as for my next career, i had decided not to pressure myself and to only look for a job say in end of the year. this was also in view of the economic uncertainly and the not-too-rosy employment market out there. 

 
so, where am i now? hmmm, let's take a look. 

 
my personal life - in these last few weeks, i have made quite a fair bit of efforts in myself and my friends. i have made some good progress in consolidating my stuff - investments, insurance etc. for myself, i made some good progress in my journey as a buddhist by taking refuge, reviewing my health, check-ups, etc. as for key commitments in terms of time and cash, these include committing to a chiropratic treatment plan, getting a new extra-firm mattress and getting a new laptop. i see such purchases as investments. these are necessities. chiropractic for my 10-yr back and neck problems, laptop for my job-hunting and to replace my 5 year desktop pc, mattress to stabilize my weak back and to replace my last one that had served me well for the past 10 years. i had also considered travelling. give myself a good overseas break to recharge. may be head to states, or to europe, simply to indulge in life's luxuries. hmmm... have not really done all these other than a very short trip to melaka with lk. that's me perhaps, really want to enjoy but when i see the costs involved, i pulled back. heh... 

 
as for family life, i had also consciously made time for my mum and of cos, my dog, sapphie. and this perhaps was one of the best thing that i have done and will continue to do to my best abilities. as for bee, he has been busy with work and studies. no easy solution to this and thus, i think i will leave it as status quo. 

 
in terms of my career, i have not put sufficient thoughts in terms of recharting my future career. not that i can't, but i certainly did not plan to do so. as i mentioned, i wanted to give myself time to rest, recharge and consolidate. but frankly, after 1.5 months, i am beginning to worry if my time-off will make me lose my desire to want to work. and this is making me question the wisdom on wanting to rest, recuperate, consolidate for the `next couple of months'. perhaps i should start to review this aspect and to relook at my timeline for job-hunting. i need to think about it more and do something about it.
...

mooncake 09

mooncake festival is coming again. last year, i did not celebrate nor observe the festival due to my dad's demise. as such, the annual practise of giving mooncakes to relatives was not done. this year, i'll be doing so again. need to start working out the list all over again... mum, sister, bees' family, james, james' parents, james' sister, la la la...

:-)

afternote: agreed with my friends' advice and did not buy the mooncake for james and his family afterall.

my cousin

had dinner with my cousin and bee on friday. it was really a very good dinner. as he is also gay, there was really no bars hold for us as we shared about out lives, our relationships, etc...

really looking forward to seeing him again soon!

accident

was driving out of my side road last evening and as i turned onto the main road, i saw things flying ahead over a car just after the traffic light... couldn't really figure out what flew except that there were 2 huge things and that one looked like a red bag. i had a feeling it was not something good.

as i straightened my car, i noted that quite a few car switching to the left lanes hastily (the slower lanes)... and as i drove on further, i saw a car stopped just after the traffic light at the outermost lane. some 3-4 meters ahead was a body. it was a male. and he was slumped against the road kerb, beside him was a red knapsack. he looked terribly pale and was motionless. and it seemed like his face had smashed onto the road kerb. ahead of this person was another car. within that couple of milliseconds, someone got of out this car and walked towards the body. he looked worried.

as i drove past the bus stop, i saw the 4-5 people staring at the accident. a short distance ahead, it was the same for the 2 residents and security guards of changi court condo. it seemed like everyone had stopped moving and was focusing their attention towards the accident.

and as i drove past this second car, i turned my head back. the car bonnet had been dented inwards. it looked very bad. for that split second, i wanted to stop and help. yet, something told me i should just drive on. looking at things, i knew it would be terribly bad and that i had better leave this to professionals. instinctively, i reached out for my handphone and dialed the police hotline. 999. told them what i saw. my hands were trembling by then. after reporting the accident, i proceeded to town.

from what i saw, my conclusion was that the man, carrying a knapsack, had wanted to cross the road. he was barely a couple of meters from the traffic light and had noticed the flashing green man turned red. he attempted to dash across the road and as he did so, the traffic light turned green. the driver of first car at the traffic light, who probably did not notice this man, stepped onto his accelerator hard. the car hit the man. the impact threw the man and his knapsack over the car. the car screeched to a stop. by which time, the man had landed onto the kerb face down.

today, bee told me that the accident was reported in the chinese papers. the person, a 38 year old man from bukit batok, had died on the spot. for some reasons, he visited changi area. he left behind a cambodian wife and a 1-month old son.

sad.

sighs... life is fragile.

new laptop

purchased a new laptop today! it's an asus. first time i am using an asus and so far, i am rather happy about it!

:-)

mattress

decided to purchase a mattress earlier on. got a super firm one. one that is tops in providing a person with good back support. i thought i should give myself this little treat. come to think of it, we spend roughly one third of our 24-hr day in bed, yet we often do not give that kinda priority in terms of budgeting our spending when it comes to purchasing beds. just compare to the amount of monies we spent on our car yet spend only that small amount of time per day in the car. well you get the idea... anyway, the mattress i bought cost close to 2.5k. but after all the sale discounts, member privileges (additional discounts) la la la, i only need to pay 1.2K. i thought it was a good buy! so looking forward to its delivery this coming tuesday!

:-)

haruki murakami

started reading books by haruki murakami last week and found it a very pleasant read. the first book i read was "what i talk about when i talk about running". certainly could connect with lots of things he wrote. and it left me smiling many a times. and today, i started a second book by him called "after dark". very smooth reading and very engaging. so glad to be able to find a writer that i like. will be checking out more of his books! this is a complete review of the books he wrote.

:-)

unruly man

i learned something new about myself today. and i felt very good about it. i felt very powerful. i was able to control myself. you see, i met with the most unruly person and got punched by him. by his actions, i could have reported him to the police. but in the end, i decided to let him go. i decided to forgive and forget. and i came out of the episode feeling very happy. anyway, this was wat happened.

you see, i would bring my dog sapphie to the business park to walk almost on a daily basis. given that the path to the park and the park itself was rather deserted, i would usually let her run around without her leash. and i have been doing this for the longest i could remember and have never had any issues with anyone. for that matter, anyone who sees sapphie would somehow come and play with her instead. she is just so mild-tempered. anyway, linking this business park to my condo is a canal. and along the side of the canal is a small walkway. today, as i walked sapphie home, i saw this particular person walking towards me. he had his dog with him. at that time, sapphie was happily sniffing the grass by the side of the walkway. seeing sapphie unleashed, he stopped and pointed his fingers at me. sensing his apprehension about an unleashed dog, i immediately gave him an apology gesture and commanded sapphie to stay still. i then went up to her and leashed her. all these while, the man and his dog were some 20-30m away.

after leashing sapphie up, i proceeded to walk towards my condo (in the direction of the man and his dog). and to prevent sapphie from going to sniff the man's dog, i walked close to the canal barrier with sapphie between me and the barrier. i hugged close to the canal leaving the huge grass patch beside for the man and his dog to walk. as he neared me, instead of walking on the grass patch, he let his dog dashed between sapphie and i. next thing i knew, he leaned onto me. there was no where for me to move and i was pushed onto sapphie and against the canal barrier. within a split second, his dog pounced onto sapphie. at the same time, the man raised his arm, pressed his elbow onto my back, pushed me down and punched my back with his clenched fist. my immediate instinct was to hold onto the dog's leash to prevent him from hurting sapphie. but as the man had pushed me down, his dog's leash that i was holding tightened and the i felt his dog bite my hand. i had experienced something similar with sapphie biting my hand when she was a puppy and i immediately clenched my fist tight. this prevented the jaws from closing further. i was in a very precarious position - trying desperately not to pull the dog's leash too tight in case i strangle him yet exerting enough strength to resist a nasty bite and at the same time, trying to resist the burly sized owner's body from pushing me down.

it all happened very suddenly. instinctively, i pushed myself upwards, turned around and shouted at him. i managed to push the man off and as he fell back, i let go of his dog's leash. i demanded a reason as to why he punched me. he was really unruly. he turned around and started hurling all sorts of accusations at how i had threatened to attack his dog. and how he has responded in his dog's defense... i was so really fucking pissed off with him by then. despite being the aggressor, he had turned around and accused me. and i totally dislike people who do not admit their mistakes and twist their facts despite being the aggressor and in the wrong. my anger rose and we got into a very heated argument. he continued hurling his accusations...

after some 10-15mins, he finally admitted that he was in the wrong. i was able to objectively rebut every of his accusations. there was really no way he could over-argue me. i had been totally above board and clear in my mind about what i had done and what he could have done. and i guessed apart from my ability to point out the flaws in his arguments, the fact that my hand was also bleeding from his dog's bite also threw him off. he admitted he should not have done what he did. and that he had lost control of himself cos he had had a lousy weekend trying to train his dog.

after his apology, i continued giving him a lecture and asked him to think through all the wrongs and all the hostile things he did. at that time, i really needed to vent. i needed to release all the pent up frustrations and anger. apart from being pissed off with his unreasonable aggressiveness, i was also totally pissed off with his punch. never in my life was i ever hit by a person other than my mum. my half-scolding, half-lecturing rantings went on for a further 5-10 minutes or so.... and unknowingly, as i vented, i found my inner-self quietening down. in fact, as i vented, a voice in me was also telling me i need to find a way to exit this whole episode. gradually, my venting began to sound like a mak nenek (grandma) giving a small boy a long lecture... i ended by telling him i did not intend to make a police report but would like him to reflect on what he did. i thought it would have been more effective as a lesson for him.

at the end of the whole episode, i told him how much i had wanted and hoped to be able to know friends who are dog owners around the area and with whom sapphie could learn social skills. and that the experience today was certainly a highly negative one. by that time, i noted that he had also quietened down. he apologized again. i ended the whole session by wishing him a good walk with his dog...

yes, it might sound weird the way i ended this very hostile episode. but whatever it was, i certainly felt very good. very good for that fact that i was able to control myself and the situation. frankly, this was the first time in my life that i had physically got myself embroiled in a fight. one on one. for the longest time, i had known myself to be the type that would keep quiet when things go wrong and would explode violently when i hit my threshold. and when i blow, it could be really ugly. such eruptions of anger scare me. but today, i was in control. i chose to end the situation in a very controlled manner. and i walked out of the situation feeling very very good.

:-)

blood clots again

it's been a week since i had blood clots in my urine. and yet today, i have the same clots appearing... and the symptoms were the same. two-three days of very achy back before it appears. i think i really have to make the appointment to see the urologist again...

:-(

you raised me up

i blogged about my mum having been diagnosed with mild dementia some 4 months back. and recently she had had her total knee replacement re-done. it's been 2 weeks. and i have been corresponding with her on the phone almost daily as i was down with a flu. and through our phone calls, i sensed her dementia had worsened. you see, a couple of days back when i called her, she spoke to me in malay instead of the usual hokkien. and her speech slurred and occasionally she did not respond... i knew she had gone into a world of her own when that happened. yesterday, i felt my flu had cleared sufficiently for me to visit her. while i was not surprised, i was not really prepared to see and experience the magnitude to which her dementia had worsened.

when i arrived, she was seated on her wheelchair and her body was slumped forward. she was staring at the floor. and when i looked at her eyes, they were totally lifeless. the white of her eyes looked porcelain white and her pupils look glassy black. and they were both slightly damp. i called out to her and she looked up. yet her eyes did not seem to register my presence. despite looking at my direction, they looked like they were looking through me instead.

sighs...

pulling myself together, i spent the next 3 hours talking to her. i told myself i need to keep her mind active. and through the 3 hours, her memory swung to and fro between her youth to the current reality constantly. at one time, i was talking to my 77 year old mother and how her leg was hurting after the operation, and she would ask me to tell bee that he need to visit her, la la la. and then suddenly, she was a young girl ("is my mother home?" she asked); or as a young mother talking to me her teenage son ("how come you are not in school?")... and once a while, she'd totally forget about things ("who is su how?"). and our conversation would also be punctuated with her slipping into herself. when this occurred, she would just stare blankly into the air and i would end up talking to someone who was no longer around. yet, throughout the time, i had to constantly sound cheerful and engaged her at the level that would keep her going... actually, it was more like i was asking her a lot of questions and often, i had to answer the questions myself. i reminded her of her life, i got her to tell me about her past. and as we conversed, i massaged her bloated-up legs that had continued to pain her ("i don't understand, yesterday, my leg was fine, and today it is all bloated up and painful!"). and as we spoke, she teared non-stop as she could no longer control her tear ducts. once a while, she would try to wipe her tears but she could hardly hold on to the tissues. it was clear that she was also losing her ability to control her muscles.

the conversation was light and easy. yet, i felt a certain wave of emotions as i grappled with the thought that i was losing my mum as i spoke. that saddened me. a few times, i had to consciously hold back my tears from welling-up. frankly, i never know i was able to control my tear duct that well. but i had to. i could not possibly tear in front of her. after having heard about bee's grandma, i roughly knew what to expect. for now, mum could still sit in her wheelchair. but soon enough, she would be bed-ridden. the frequency where she would slip into herself would increase. and eventually, she would go into a state where she would totally be in a state of her own. that would be when we would lose her totally despite her being alive and well. and she would continue to be in that state until life expires on her.

i have time and again heard stories about how dementia sets in for some people not long after their spouse dies. and it tells me of the will-power that kept them going to look after their spouse in their final days. and when they go after their spouse dies, it was probably becos they see no more purpose and aim in their live. now, i see it happening to my own mum. i am sad. but as jason had mentioned before, they are not in pain per se, they are just in another state of consciousness altogether. the challenge therefore, is for me now to remind myself that i have to let her go. it is me that i have to manage. it is my own sense of attachment to her old self that is making me sad. instead, i should treasure this remaining moments with her and also to celebrate that fact that she has lived a good life. that she is ready to enter into this state should be taken as a sign that she has total faith in her childrens' ability to continue living our lives. with this in mind, i should make sure that her onward journey continues to be smooth and comfortable and that i must give her the confidence that we will go on. reflecting on how mum brought me up and how she had placed me in leadership roles in the family in my dads' absence, i guess i now have to also prepare my family and the domestic helper mentally as her condition deteriorates.

thinking of the days to come, i could only use the hokkien phrase the best sums it up: "li chi wa tua, wa chi li lao" or literally "you have raised me up, i'll take care of you till you die".

spam

damned it! some spammers stole my email yesterday and mass mailed my friends using my email! i so hate these spammers! how i wish some one out there could write programmes that would make spammer's computer jam and overload their own servers!

damned it!

meeting friends

this coming week, i've decided i should meet up with friends! been a long time and i really think i have very little friends whom i can go out with. i mean, yes, i have many friends. but as for friends whom i am comfortable with and that i can go out and have dinner with... hmmm... there are really not many. and for those few that i am comfortable with, it is really not very nice to be calling them out too often rite? then again, i really think i should go out and socialize a bit more. it's been a long long time since i did this. so... for this week, my dinner plans for the rest of the week have all been planned.

looking forward to them!

heh...

tired face

i don't understand this. recently, lots of people kept telling me i looked tired and haggard. but i have had enough sleep (too much at times) what? hmmm, or perhaps i slept too much (cos recently, i have been sick)? but well, it was a fact that i had been feeling rather lethargic and tired. hmmm... let's see. perhaps, i should take more vit c, start my exercise regime again now that my flu is almost gone...

blood clots

i don't like this. 3 months back i had bloodied urine. past two days, i felt a very achy feeling at my back around my right kidney area. and yesterday, i had blood clots in my urine.

:-(

ps: asked kl and he ruled out prostate and bladder issues given that i had just recently done the tests, the ct scan and the cystoscopy. so, that means it could most likely be stones in the kidney. hmmm...

chiropractor

i have been having all sorts of pain at my neck region, my lower back, la la la for the longest time ever. and i have visited sinsehs, doctors, orthopaedic specialists etc many times over since 1999. also, have been undergoing lots of physio during this same period. still, my pain didn't really disappear. some years back, james (my ex) suggested that i should try out a chiropractor given that one of his friends got his problems solved. but when i learned that it would cost something in the region of 4-5k, i decided against it. i couldn't afford it.

3 weeks ago, while at parkway with bee, we came across a roadshow by a chiropractor clinic. at that time, i have just had my backache problem cleared. but there was still the issue of overall general tightness and uneasy feeling through my whole back. and i thought perhaps i should check them out. admittedly, i was a little apprehensive. but i decided to sign up for an assessment and got my x-rays done. given the state that i was in, there was really nothing to lose.

and today, i went back to the clinic. and when i looked at my spine x-ray, i thought it looked really terrible! it was totally misaligned. a normal spine would look straight when viewed from the back/ front. but mine was curving all over. the neck region curved to the left, my thoracic segment was a slight 's' and my lower back/ hip bone curved significantly to the left. looked sideways, my neck was really straight! a normal neck would look curved. and looking at it, the reasons for all the pains i experienced when i walk, the awkward tightness around my chest area, the stiff neck, the strained shoulders, the uneven shoulders, all seemed so clear!

the doctor told me that my spine could be easily realigned but it would have to take time. after he explained to me the issues and the process of getting it back to normal, i decided to sign up for the package. i was convinced. i signed up immediately. the whole package covering 90 visits would cost me 4.8k. this time round, the cost didn't put me off as i had started this process with the clarity of mind that if there is anything i should invest in after getting my gratuity, it would be my health.

and i was put through one session immediately today. it was very good! all the bone alignment, twisting and so on. i was amazed at the doctor's skills. it was not painful. in fact, it was rather relaxing. and after some twisting, i felt better almost immediately. but i was told this would only be temporary and to get a more lasting solution, i need to do the treatment more frequently over a period of at least 3-6 months. and possibly another 3-6 months to maintain it as well as to strengthen the muscles around the bone so that it can hold the bones in their correct alignment.

well, the one-year treatment may seemed a long time. but compared to the more than 10 years of pain, i thought it was worth a try. and after this first session, i am already looking forward to the next one this coming saturday!

:-)

wait uncle scold

was at the clinic this morning to see the doctor for my flu. and while waiting, there was this little girl with her grandma and domestic helper. the little girl was no more than 3-4 yrs old and was very cute. and she was certainly a very active little devil who would climb onto almost everything, and pull brochures from every possible place she could lay her hands on. and one thing i found very funny was that her grandma and domestic helper would use scare tactics to control her. and they repeatedly went

hey hey hey, cannot anyhow take har?! wait auntie scold.

the good-natured auntie sitting next to them played along and gave the girl a stern look while waving her index finger at her. this trick certainly worked for the girl quickly ran to the domestic helper and asked her to bao bao (carry) her. but once auntie looked away, the nonsense would start all over again. and they would use the `wait auntie scold' trick again. and this went on for a while. until auntie left the clinic.

and with no more auntie around, the girl started her nonsense again. all these while, i was observing with my face covered with a mask. i felt rather amused. and with no more aunties, i naturally became the object of the threat. and the grandma and domestic helper automatically went

hey hey hey, cannot anyhow take har?! wait uncle scold.

and sure enough, it worked! even with my mask on, the girl obeyed. and of cos, i played along and pointed my index finger. it was quite fun actually. and i thought - hmmm, usually, parents would use the auntie or uncle scolding trick or worst, the mata lee-arred liao (local lingo meaning - "police catch" literally or "be arrested by police") trick. and i pondered - well, isn't this a very asian behaviour? thus far, in all the asian countries i visit, i see similar tricks being used. does such a trick reflect a deeper fundamental confucius-influenced psyche of asians - that one needs to obey the authority? that in not obeying the authority, one would suffer some very bad consequences?

well, whatever the case may be, such tactics work right away. yes it did. however, i am not sure if the kids understood what the correct behaviour should be. and i also wondered if this is the best way in the longer run. my own take is that using fear and/ or rewards to get kids to behave may not necessarily be a good thing. it makes them act only if there is fear or for that matter, the desire to gain something. an extrinsically motivated act will not work in the longer term. instead, efforts should go into educating the kids on what the correct behaviour is and to understand the consequences if he/ she were to misbehave. this process would make the motivation to behave properly comes from his/ her within. and this could only be done by consistent reinforcing of values and exemplary behaviour by adults. such a method might be slower and require a lot more patience, but in the longer run, it will create a child that knows how to distinguish what is right and wrong and is more confident of the limits as he/ she explores his/ her surrounding.

hmmm, i think i've read too much into such mundane things again...

:-)

of pets n family

yesterday, i learned through willie's blog that tony had put his dog bacon to sleep. it was something tony had to do given that bacon was suffering real badly from liver failure. i could imagine how difficult it was for tony to make this painful decision. bacon was only 6 yrs old. and from reading willies' blog, i could also sense willies' sadness.

i logged in to facebook and checked tony's profile and noted quite a few comments of condolences. most either expressed sadness or that they would have loved to play with bacon if they had the chance. i smsed bee and told him about it. he was shocked. bee also knew bacon for when bacon was a small puppy, bee was still putting up in the same house as tony. and bee would play with bacon.

to many people (especially those who do not keep pets), pets are no more than animals. it could even be a liability to many non pet lovers. the need to feed, clean, etc. but to many of us who has a pet at home, they are more than just animals. they are family. they are our constant companion. they give us unconditional love and attention. it doesn't matter whether it is a cat, dog, hamster, rabbit (yes, justin, i remember roger the rabbit) etc. the relationship that can developed between an animal and its owner (and/or friends) cannot be underestimated. it's passing can be a really traumatic event.

thinking about it, i felt sad. i also thought of sapphie. she is now coming to 10yrs old. and i can expect her to leave me in 3-5yrs. not too sure how i'll take it. she is my family and she had been with me since she was 6 weeks old. and she is probably the only living thing alive to go through with me the ups and downs of my relationships.

well, have constantly told myself that i will spent as much time as i can with her before her fateful day comes. told myself i shall not regret not spending enough time with her.

:-|

rhinestone cowboy

one of mum's all time favourite. would sing to her whenever i could as a small boy. this song reminds me of her.

the lyrics as follows:

i've been walkin' these streets so long
singin' the same old song
i know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
where hustle's the name of the game
and nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
there's been a load of compromisin'
on the road to my horizon
but i'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me

like a rhinestone cowboy
riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
like a rhinestone cowboy
getting cards and letters from people i don't even know
and offers comin' over the phone

well, i really don't mind the rain
and a smile can hide all the pain
but you're down when you're ridin' the train that's takin' the long way
and i dream of the things i'll do
with a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
there'll be a load of compromisin'
on the road to my horizon
but i'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me

like a rhinestone cowboy
riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
rhinestone cowboy
gettin' cards and letters from people i don't even know
and offers comin' over the phone

like a rhinestone cowboy
riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo

*** fade
like a rhinestone cowboy
gettin' card and letters from people i don't even know

key largo

heard this over the radio this afternoon and told myself i really need to find this. one of those songs from my teenage years!



the lyrics as follows

wrapped around each other
trying so hard to stay warm
that first cold winter together
lying in each others arms
watching those old movies
falling in love so desperately
honey, i was your hero
and you were my leading lady

we had it all
just like bogie and bacall
starring in our old late, late show
sailing away to Key Largo

here's lookin' at you kid
missing all the things we did
we can find it once again, I know
just like they did in Key Largo

honey, can't you remember
we played all the parts
that sweet scene of surrender
when you gave me your heart
please say you will
play it again
'cause i love you still
baby, this can't be the end

we had it all
(we had it all)
just like bogie and bacall
starring in our old late, late show
sailing away to key largo

here's lookin' at you kid
(here's lookin' at you kid)
missing all the things we did
we can find it once again, i know
just like they did in key largo

we had it all
(we had it all)
just like bogie and bacall
starring in our old late, late show
sailing away to key largo

lonely together

used to follow lots of barry manilow songs. and this one, i really love it so much. and frankly, i do at times imagine myself to be the one in the song...



and here's the lyrics

your eyes are sad eyes
mine are too
it doesn't take too much to see
what we've been through
you lost your baby
and me the same
ain't it true how
love's a hurtin' game

could i have this dance
may I be so bold
it's just my arms are empty
and the night is so cold

wouldn't it be fine
bein' lonely together
wouldn't it be fine havin'
a shoulder to share
you could tell me how he broke your heart
and I'll tell you how she broke mine
and maybe later on I could take you home
now wouldn't it be sad
bein' lonely all alone

a heart that's hurtin's
not hard to see
i guess he promised you the world
like she did me
but dry your eyes now
you'll be just fine
we can drown our achin' hearts
in this glass of wine

well I hate to say
what's done is done
it's just two can ease the pain
much better than one

*chorus

love
it's such a crazy thing
all you got to give and no regrets
but love
it can live again
stay with me tonight
i'll make it work out right

*chorus

bitchy me

i was terribly bitchy today. and it was due to my brother. you see, after fetching my mum and settling the outstanding bills, i sent an sms to my brother telling him that i had paid the outstanding (non-claimable from medisave) while the remainder would be deducted from his medisave. and next thing i knew, i received a whole lot of smses from him asking me (well, it was more like he was reprimanding me) why the hell i paid up for he had a prior agreement with the hospital that he would pay by installment. anyway, i told him i did not know abt it. and he demanded that i go back to the hospital to get them to refund me. i was damned pissed off by the whole thing...

now, abt the bitchy me part. i was driving from the car park to the block to pick my mum up and at the same time, my brother was sending me the string of smses non-stop. i was already feeling pissed off. and it so happened that the pick up point was also choked up by taxis. damned it! so, i pulled up at the reserved lot (beside the pick up lot where a taxi had parked) and signaled to the domestic helper to push my mum to my car. just then, an indian auntie (the road marshaller), came running to me and kinda told me off: "ai! ai! you cannot park here!" this was despite seeing my domestic helper already pushing my mum's wheelchair. i waved back and gave the body signal that i won't take long. capitalizing on my non-hostile response, she shouted: "next time you come back, you better not park here!" this final remark of hers made me burst. and i told her off: "there will not be another time! are you trying to tell me my mum will be hospitalized again!?" realizing she made a near-fatal mistake, she quickly pulled back. and so i continued unleashing my bitchy self: "are you cursing my mum!? if you are not pantang (superstitious), i am!". and our indian auntie applied her emergency brake, looked at me in the most apologetic manner and apologized: "oh, sorry la, sorry la... i don't mean that, sorry sorry ah..." and as she said this, she did the head-twisting gesture ala typical of all indians.

i noted that everyone was staring at our direction. and the taxis that were choking the place quickly vacated the lots. what the fuck! i thought. i was damned fucking pissed off at that very moment and the last thing i need was an auntie coming to me and stepped on my toe. then again, at the heat of the moment, i couldn't give a damned. once my mum got into the car, i slammed the door and i drove off.

as for the payment, after sending my mum back home, i went back to the hospital to talk to the admin. and some ding donging and explanations, the admin agreed that they would refund me, but this would be done only after my brother settle the necessary documentation for the installments. hmmm, looking at how he responded and how he disputed the final amount, i am sure there's gonna be some kinda commotion tomorrow. well, i'll leave it to him to settle.

ps: reflecting, i think i could have better managed my anger and not scream at auntie. but then, it certainly felt good to vent, really eased off lots of pent up anger.

out of hospital

will be fetching mum from the hospital later on! glad she'll be discharged soon! hmmm, think i also need to keep my mask on when i pick her. certainly do not want to pass my flu bug to her!

flooooooo

i am down with a floooooooooooooo...

hope, it is not the flu!

:-(

wat a week!

today is monday... and it's the start of a new week! have been out of job since 1 aug - that means, coming close to a month already. but seriously, i have been rather busy. busy with family stuff. busy with myself. of cos, there were times where i felt really bored. but on the whole, it feels good. for once in my life, i choose to be aimless. i choose to live my life as it comes. and despite the hectic schedule, i actually found it rather fulfilling.

last week was especially busy for me. my uncle's sudden demise caught me off guard. i felt the necessity to attend the wake and the funeral. don't ask me why. perhaps it was becos i felt need to represent my dad, but perhaps, i felt it was one of those rare occasions where i could spent some good times with my relatives. funerals, sad as it might be, gives this wonderful opportunity for family (and extended family) to get-together, bond and re-connect. and that was exactly wat i did. it was good talking to my cousins. it was good to get to know them. admittedly, through my 42 years, i did not really have the time to talk to them.

also, i was busy with my mum too. running around to visit her after her op. she has come about after the op but is still resting in the hospital. but i am glad that she came out of the op better.

all these running around and late nights has taken a toll on me. found myself down with flu these two days. my cold sore has broken up too and i now have to nurse an awkward sore on my lips. also, my body is not responding to good to it. apart from the body aches (arghhh!), my tennis elbow has worked up again. need to head to the chiropractor this thur. hope to be able to get some relieve.

it's a new week. and i have made some appointments to meet up with friends. something that i have not done for ages. i need to catch up with them. i need to re-connect with my friends.

:-)

post-op 2

visited my mum earlier on. despite the discomfort and pain she felt at the operated areas, she was rather cheerful. and while i was there, the physiotherapist came and helped her do some simple leg/ knee exercises. and it was good to note that she was able to bend her knees and stand up.

simple steps, simple achievements, but a world of difference compared to what she was like just 2 days back. we were also given her old knee joint (the prosthetic), and while it looked perfectly fine to my untrained eye, i also noted there were scratches on one side of it. and for a metallic prosthetic to be scratched to this extent while it was still inside the body tells me my mum must have experienced one helluva pain before her op.

i am glad the op is over.

:-)

post-op

so happy. got an sms from my bro that my mum had come out of her op last evening. and once she was changed up, she called me on my handphone. it felt real good to be able to talk to her again! and the first thing she told me - she was hungry!

:-)

my funeral

talking abt funerals, i think i better state here in my blog how i want my own funeral to be. yes, to many, it may sound morbid. but i think it is only morbid if you allow yourself to see it as such. personally, i see it as being responsible (on my part) to make things clear so that my loved ones will know how to manage my affairs after i leave.

first and foremost, it will be a buddhist funeral. just a simple coffin, vegetarian offerings, nightly prayers. and of cos, i would like to be dressed in my buddhist robes. the wake will be a simple 3 or 5-day affair to be decided by my loved ones, whichever is more convenient. there will be no taoist frills, this means, no joss papers, no paper dolls, no paper houses, no white candles, not green joss sticks etc.

i also want a sea burial. that is to say, i want to be cremated and after that, my ashes is to be scattered at sea. yes, it will cost more, but there will be no need to maintain a columbarium niche and so on.

simple and straight forward.

:-)

ps: just looked through my blog's past entries and it seemed like i have blogged this before some 2 years back. very similar content. and yes, i also asked for the song tender by blur to be played during my funeral. well, ok, ok, if it sounds totally off for a funeral, then play it during my wake. heh heh...

wakes & funerals

attended my uncle's wake yesterday. and as before, it's a time for family gatherings. i know, i have blogged this before... but i often find it sad of late that our families gather only when there is death. but i supposed this is the nature of things. it's a family's journey through life thing.

yes, one can argue that all we need is to make the effort and to organize extended family gatherings. but i supposed it is easier said that done. the bonds that bind the generations and the extended family were forged/ exist at the layer that is leaving us, certainly not at my layer.

and certainly, just as i got one helluva good at wedding practices a decade or so ago after being one too many times a bestman, i think i am now getting very good at practices at wakes and funerals... red strings, groundnuts, drinks, sweets, la la la... and i certainly do not take pride in them.

mum's op

mum went into the op theatre at 1.30pm earlier. she called me at 12.30pm telling me that she will be going in soon. it's hard to sound composed and reassuring while inside me, i am also breaking. yes, i know it is not a difficult op. yes, i know it is a rather straight forward procedure and that she will be fine. that was something that i have been telling her and reassuring her too. then again, all op come with a certain level of risk. the what ifs... i felt a lump at my throat when she said goodbye and hung up the phone.

she should be out of the op by now. it's projected to be a 3-hr affair. this will be followed by a few hours of observation in the op theatre before she will be sent back to the ward.

hope to be able to see her tomorrow.

:-|

wat a day!

it's a happy and sad day.

early this morning, brought my mum to haircut and perm. she was very excited and happy. need to do this before she goes for her op tomorrow. she'll be admitted tomorrow at 10am and the op is expected to start at 2pm. and so, as a treat before her op, i brought her to eat the east coast prawn mee and the ngoh hiang after her perm. could see she was very excited and enjoyed the meal.

then again, it was a sad day cos i learnt from my mum that my uncle (my father's brother-in-law) passed away last afternoon. shocking news cos he has all along been very healthy. understood that he passed away without any sickness or signs and that he was taken away after easing himself in the toilet. sighs... then again, it was a good thing that he left us peacefully. may he rest in peace.

i guessed i have come to the age where my dad's generation will slow leave us. just in this last one year, i've had to attend 3 funerals - my dad, my cousin, and now, my uncle.

the tide of time is really pushing my generation upwards. i can feel it.

knee op

mum will be undergoing her total knee replacement op again in two day's time. this is to replace her old knee given that it has already worn out as it has been more than 10yrs since it was fixed. despite her age, it's a no choice op given that she is in real pain and that an increased dosage of painkiller will also affect her other organs yet not give her the relieve she seeks. so, after resisting op for so long, she finally accepted it and agreed to undergo the procedure.

the op will happen in 2 days' time. and given the h1n1 control measures, only 4 registered persons will be allowed to visit her. so, after registering my bro, the maid, my sis and my bro-in-law, that means i will not be able to see her until after she is discharged from the hospital.

and i can see that mum has been getting increasing very worried about the op these last couple of days. she kept relating that her friend died during the second op. well, i guess i have to keep assuring her that things will be ok and that she should hopefully be able to experience less pain after the op.

anatomy of a disaster

so far, have witnessed so many disasters and observed how communities respond to it. and i conclude the following as a typical anatomy of a community's response to a disaster after it happens.

shock
realization
disbelief/ denial
anger
acceptance
recovery
closure (altho some may not have closure)
life goes on...

it's the same again and again. and the latest disaster is that of the typhoon morakot that struck taiwan and southern china. the same pattern could be seen. at this point, i think it is still in it's anger/ acceptance stage. and this is a very difficult stage as emotions run high during this stage. not easy for the government and the rescuers. nothing will be right no matter how much effort is put in or no matter how much the authority apologizes. it's sad, but it's the nature of things. even then, the anger will pass. life will go on. i pray for the victims of the disaster and that the survivals will be able to move on quickly.

wedding dress

was at raffles city last evening with bee and lk for dinner at cedele (third floor). on the same floor was this huge wedding fair organized by some taiwanese company. and the way these taiwanese did the touting, it was terrible. and can you imagine, they touted me and a friend too. the whole thing went this way...

we walked out of cedele in the following order - bee, lk and i. bee was 2 steps ahead of us. and when the sales persons saw us from afar, they immediately assumed we were a couple. and one of them walked up to us - oh, you want to came see our wedding collections? we have lots for you to chose. when he saw me ignoring him, he went to lk and continued come, come, come take a look at our wedding dresses and package! you should be getting married right? bee, sensing that he has been ignored, quickened his steps and walked ahead.

frankly, it was rather irritating. i chose to ignore him, lk just smiled and continue walking. and when he knew he was getting no where with us, he other colleague came forward and continued the touting come la! come la! come take a look. by which time, we were quite irritated. and so we played along. i responded oh, it's ok, thanks. and lk went further no need, no need, actually i have given birth to 3 kids already, so wedding is out of our league already!

the guys stood there and stared at us. we walked on. smiling. and of cos, bee was way ahead standing by one corner laughing at us. hmmmm! what a harrassment! in retrospect, i should have acted in my most campy manner and asked if they have wedding gowns for me! i am sure it will freak them out!

:-)

putting pieces together

consolidating my life, getting things in order, and laying instructions for my after-life is more difficult than i thought.

be systematic, be focused, be objective!

geylang serai market

i know this posting is gonna make me sound so auntie, but still i'd do it. i passed by the new geylang serai market a couple of weeks ago and from what i saw, i told myself i'd visit the place someday. and i did so today!

i remembered so clearly the market before the renovation, or rather, for a long long time even before the renovation. gaylang serai market had been synonymous with geylang serai itself. a place where the singapore malay community congregates and where the malay culture thrived. also, the name itself reminds me of trishaws, singapura theatre (and all it's hindi films), kampong and squatters, and of the huge dirty river that flowed through it. those were my earliest memories of the place. the river is now a canal, the squatters have been replaced with hdb public housing and much of the old kampong charm is gone. but thru the many years of development, the old market stood and continued to be the center of all activities. until 2 years back when development caught up.

geylang serai market had always been a place that would tingle all my senses so very much. yes, all my senses. literally. i earliest memories of the market was when i was a small boy when we lived in paya lebar. back then, i would frequently visit the market with my mum and she would hold my hand tight as we meandered our way through the little lanes of the overcrowded market. it was a highly disorganised market where at certain sections, one could get a food seller selling his kueh kueh beside a fabric seller and they were all so closely situated, it would be impossible to escape if there were a stampede! and as a kid, i would be pushed and squashed about all over by the adult mak ciks and pak ciks but i could not do anything except to hold on tight to my mum and be dragged along by her. and of cos, i remembered how my feet would get wet from the dirty, wet broken cemented floor that was made worst by the fishmonger uncles splashing water all over the place. geylang serai market also reminded me of the many shops selling bales of clothes and colourful sarongs. was always awed by the splashes of colours. but above all, it was the smell that i cannot forget. it was (and still is) not easy to find a place that has so many shops grinding herbs and spices at the same place and selling them to eager housewives wanting to cook curries and etc (those in serangoon aka little india pales when compared to geylang serai market!). and my visits to the market would often end with mum buying all the traditional kuehs, goreng pisang and what have you.

yes! talking about kuehs... i had been thinking of kueh dodol for quite a while already. and it was such a coincidence that bee bee also started to have a craving for it. so this morning, while i was at the market, i decided to hunt for it. walked around the place, soaked myself in the sights and the smell... (oooh, i loved it so much!)... and finally found it at the second level hawker center. i was so happy to see it in it's traditional packaging and bought 4 sticks - 2 regular flavour and 2 durian flavour. it cost me s$26! hmmm, i was so sure that guy ketuk me but well, i guessed i was a willing victim. been looking for good kueh dodol for a long while and i could not let this chance off!

ok, that was a side-track... now, back to the geylang serai market. my later visits to the markets was after my family moved to marine parade. eventually, i would make my own trips there to buy sarongs (for myself and for my mum) and the kuehs. and of cos, our trips would end with mum and i taking trishaw back to our kampong a short distance away. that was a long time back. the trishaws have disappeared. and now, a brand new multi-storey market stands in its place.

well, my impression of the newly built market was that it had retained the cultural flavour. the whole architecture, the choice of colours, choice of cloth for the bunting, the roof, the type of shops, etc... the malay community continue to congregate there. but i would say, it has lost bits of charm of the old market. something was missing. perhaps, it was the ambience, or perhaps it was the fact that i need no longer squeeze my way through, or that there was no more stale smells... well, whatever, something was just missing. but well, on the whole, it was a good experience nonetheless. and i am glad i made my trip.

ps: i remembered aziz's advice about the car park (or the lack of it) and i must agree with him. the accessibility to the carpark is bad and there were not many lots nearby. but i was lucky for today's a weekday and there were some free lots readily available by the roadside.

of cash crops

posted this as a comment in weetz's post. but thought it's a good recollection to keep here too. heh heh...

during my uni 3rd year, i signed up for a botany module on cash crops. the lecturer that took that module was a taiwanese prof. as he was taiwanese, his english was heavy accented and we had lots of laughs during his lecture. yup, it was not very nice, but we couldn't help it.

there was this particular lecture where he went on and on about this cash crop call 'on eye on' (well, he pronounced it as such). and we were kinda trying very hard to double guess what was 'on eye on'. at the end of the 1-hr lecture, one of my classmate stood up and sheepishly asked :" eh, prof, when is 'on eye on'?"... (frankly, we were all glad he asked for we were worried we might come across as really stupid to ask such a question) anyway, the question took him by surprise and he exclaimed :" wah, how come you all donno what is "on eye on"? ok, who do not know what is 'on eye on', raise your hand" and of cos, the whole class of close to 200 raised our hands. and he shook his head, mumbled something about us urban kids not knowing what cash crops were anymore and hurriedly walked to the blackboard, and spelt it out. and he did it so so so slowly, reading it out, very deliberately, letter by letter, with each letter in capital too. and he went...

......O ......N ......I ......O ......N

of cos, we had a good laugh after that... heh heh...

:-)

also, for the record, we had problems with his other cash crop lectures too. for example, he would pronounce `winged beans' as weeeeen-ged-ded bing and `french beans' as flaeng bing. so, you can imagine how confused we were during his class... hmmmph! but of cos, we had lotsa fun and laughters, much to his displeasure!

savers

finally, it's 14 aug!

:-)

prayers for bobby

am reposting this here. prayers for bobby is a tragic story based on the true events of bobby griffith - a gay teenager who could not get the necessary support from his family, particularly his mother, and committed suicide in the end. superb acting by sigourney weaver. you can read the synopsis of the tv movie here.

this film made me cry. it brought back lots of memories. it reminded me of the time when i tried to commit suicide. and i was glad i took the right path.