Grateful 8 Apr: Being creative

I didn’t sleep particularly well last night. Not because anything was troubling me, but because my mind was filled with thoughts about training - how I could do this better, or approach that differently. Those thoughts kept me awake for a while before I finally slept. I worked on my ideas this morning and the day flew by quickly. So let me talk about being creative, as it appeared in several aspects of my day.

• Training. After breakfast, I went straight to my laptop. My mind was still brimming with ideas for my training session this Friday. How to use activities to teach certain concepts? What questions should I include? How should I sequence the questions? How much time to allocate to each segment? How should I deliver should there be a particular class profile? These were the thoughts that kept me awake, and I wanted to work on them before they slipped away. The morning passed quickly, totally immersed mentally, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. So yes, when I start to get creative with my instructional designs and time management, I know I am ready. I just need to remind myself not to overdo it - there is still another module to prepare. For now, I am grateful for the progress made.

• Dessert. I’m not usually one for desserts these days. I do have a sweet tooth, and they used to be almost a given. But lately, with calorie counting on my mind, desserts have been one of the first things to go. Today, however, I decided to be a little more relaxed and go with how I felt. During my afternoon walk, I treated myself to a slice of pandan kaya cake (above pic), alongside a second kopi o kosong. I justified it - less rice at lunch, a good walk after lunch - it felt ok. The cake, unfortunately, had been sitting out too long. It was hard and stale. Thankfully, the kopi o kosong softened it and it wasn’t too bad. Most importantly, I appreciated this little indulgence. Perhaps this too is a form of creativity - finding balance, adjusting, and compensating with a lighter dinner, which I did.

• Time & Energy. I’ve been quite caught up with work and various activities lately, and as a result, I haven’t paid much attention to some of life’s simple routines and hobbies. Today, however, after my training preparation and that small indulgence, I found the energies to return to them and once I started, the momentum caught on. By dinner time, I had completed the marcotting process of a Ficus plant I started almost a month ago (below pic), loosened the soil of several pots, washed the balcony, did the laundry, mend my shoes, even as I cooked my dinner. It turned out to be a deeply fulfilling day - catching up on all the little things that had quietly accumulated over time.

So this was my day - being creative in designing instructions, making thoughtful choices about and how what I eat, using my time in response to the rhythms of the day and bringing attention back to little things that matter. It reminded me that being creative is not just about producing something new. It is about being intentional - with my thoughts, my choices, and my energy. In that sense, even an ordinary day can become a meaningful one.

After 60...

I watched a youtube video on what to let go of after 60 and it covered the following 9 points:

• Stop saving out of fear
• Stop spending on things that doesn’t bring you joy 
• Stop trading time for money, it is worth more 
• Stop putting off experiences that make you feel alive
• Stop neglecting your health, your greatest asset
• Stop worrying about what others think 
• Stop the constant noise of negativity  
• Stop financial fear, but do not ignore it 
• Stop the illusion that you have forever

Useful reminders. But it will definitely take a long while to let go of the old mindset. Oh, I haven't reach 60 yet! Heh...

Satan

This sounded more like Satan speaking, not human at all…

Grateful 7 Apr: Misadventures - Not

Tbh, today felt like a day of misadventures. And indeed, it was - but nonetheless, there are many things that I can still be grateful for. Let me share the details here: 

• Sungei Buloh Wetlands - Not. I woke up early, feeling all enthusiastic about going to Sungei Buloh Wetlands. After all, I had wanted to go there last week but ended up going to Jurong instead. I left home early after a quick meditation, went to Simei for my kopi o kosong, and then took the MRT to Tampines and happily boarded service 168. The bus was supposed to take me to Woodlands, where I would change to another bus, and the whole journey would be some 2 hours long. 45 min into the journey, the skies turned dark - ominously dark… I checked the weather app and, horrors… huge thunderstorm ahoy! And looking at the size of the clouds and the forecast, the impending storm would last till afternoon. I decided to abandon my plans, alighted and made a u-turn back. It looked like there were no outdoor options for me. So I headed to Bedok, took an early lunch, and bought the famous Teochew soon kueh (traditional bamboo shoot snack) before heading back home. Not quite what I had planned, but looking back, I did get a small “excursion” out of it - and a good snack too. Perhaps that was enough for the morning, and I am thankful for it.

• MacRitchie Reservoir & Cuties - Not. Back home, I ate the soon kueh and as I waited for the rain to ease. I weighed some options for my outdoor walk: Tanah Merah Beach, MacRitchie Reservoir (MR)… The rain didn’t look like it was about to stop, so Tanah Merah Beach was out. Not wanting to spend the whole afternoon at home, I decided to take the MRT to Chinatown for tea instead. Hopefully, the rain would clear and I could still make my way to MR and maybe spot some cute young fit guys running. As I had another round of kopi o kosong, I was quite pleased to see the rain clouds clearing on the app. Feeling hopeful, I headed towards MR - a 45-min journey on the bus. And guess what - when I reached, there was still a light drizzle, just enough to make walking pointless. And instead of young cute guys, the place was filled with teenage canoeists - all young enough to be my grandkids. Darned! I decide to leave. Still, the trip wasn’t entirely wasted. The tea break in Chinatown was rather nice - unhurried, and a good pause. 

• Smooth Journey - Not. I boarded another bus towards town, thinking I might do some window shopping. The bus journey itself was uneventful, apart from an irritating fellow watching a show on his mobile at full volume. By the time I reached the fringe of town, it was already quite late, and I decided to just head home instead. And so I changed bus, but the one I intended to take was crowded and I took the one behind, planning to switch to one that would take me home further down the road. Alas, I forgot the bus service number I was on, and ended going around 2 - 3 housing estates before ending at an interchange nowhere near my place. Thankfully, there was a coffee shop nearby, and I ended up having a very nice dinner - caifan with stir-fried stingray. It has been a while since I had that, and I enjoyed it.

So yeah, that was how my day went. I travelled across half the island, u-turned to Bedok, went back home, then to town, to MR, back to town, around a few housing estates, and finally home - objectively, not achieving very much. But along the way, there were pockets of enjoyment: good kopi o kosong, soon kueh, a quiet afternoon tea, and a comforting dinner... The day totally didn’t go according to plan. Things didn’t line up, plans kept shifting, not by design, and yet nothing really went wrong either. And maybe that is something worth noting - that even on a day that felt slightly off, there were still enough small, good moments to carry it through. I am grateful for these good moments.

Grateful 6 Apr: Peace

I think it might be because of the very busy and mentally stimulating day I had yesterday. I slept really well last night and woke up feeling clear-headed, energetic, and refreshed. Perhaps it is also because I feel relatively confident about the training preparation I have done over the past few days, and quietly assured that I will be able to hold the class this coming Friday. And so, let me give thanks for the following today:

• Meditation. It must have been the good night’s sleep, for I woke up feeling very clear-minded and peaceful. This allowed me to meditate and hold the stillness for a good half hour without much effort, for which I am grateful. Thinking about it, this calmness is likely the result of both the full day I had yesterday and the clearing of my “mental knot”.

• Confidence. I felt good about my training preparation. I have not felt this way for a while, especially when I am about to teach a new subject this Friday. I went through the details again this morning, systematically - starting from the admin, the name list (with a last-minute insertion of a new learner, again...), the assessment reports, the activity workbook, the assessment settings in the portal, and finally the lesson content. There are, of course, some still outstanding admin matters, but these can be completed quickly on the training day itself. For being able to reach where I am now, I give thanks for the many iterations and the preparation I have put in over the past days and weeks. I look forward to delivering the training.

• Breaking the habit. I decided against recording the details of my meals in ChatGPT today. I have been doing it diligently since early Nov 2025 in my efforts to monitor my weight and I had my fair share of struggles with ChatGPT for the constant chiding of what I should eat for each meal. I woke up today almost 2kg heavier than usual, and I am quite certain it was due to the heavy Chinese dinner I had last evening - all the soups, the meats, and so on. But I also realised I had been too strict with myself, to the point of not being able to simply enjoy life. What is the point of imprisoning myself with all the records and getting so worked up about my food intake after each meal? When I think about it, it is actually quite amusing that I should get annoyed with ChatGPT for chiding me about my sodium intake, how much protein I had missed, and what I should make up for, etc. So today, I chose not to record my meals. So what if I end the day weighing a little heavier. What the heck, right? So yes, I am grateful to myself for making this deliberate decision to rid myself of this behaviour, and I am at peace with it.

Yet again, I am reminded that balance is important. It is not about absolute control, but also about knowing when to loosen the grip. Being disciplined - such as devoting time to training preparation - is important, as it gives me peace of mind; but when a behaviour that began as discipline starts to control me, it becomes, in itself, a problem. I am grateful for this realisation.

Slow Ghost

I just learned this phrase “slow ghost”…

Yeah! It clicks immediately.

Have I moved on?

This evening, I was looking at my IG when a photo of my ex jumped out at me. It startled me.

I had removed him from my IG, so how is it that his photo is staring at me. Then I realized it was posted by his very close girl friend whom I also know. The photo was posted 5 days ago and it was taken in Bangkok. They had gone for Bangkok Hyrox. For that moment, I felt a little ache and curious - curious about how he is, what’s he doing now, and for that matter, whether he is attached now. 

And then I started to google about Hyrox and whether it is something I could do, with my current health condition - heart, knees, and all. Google results said it is too high a risk for me and tbh, I felt good. Good cos it validated me - that he had once told me about his wish that I could join him for all his high intensity exercises altho I said my health condition didn’t allow me to. It reminded me of how I felt when I was with him - that I cannot live up to his expectations given our age difference.

It’s almost exactly 2 years since he decided to call off the relationship. Back then, to manage myself, I deleted everything related to him - photos we took over the 7 years together, his IG profile, his X profile, and so on, short of his contact number. Yet, seeing the photo today, I instinctively scrolled through all the posted photos. I was unsure what I was looking for, to be honest. 

And then, I reminded myself - Get a grip! He dumped you for selfish reasons. He wouldn’t even commit to care for you when you needed him. It’s not a balanced relationship and not being together is probably the best outcome. You have gone through too much these 2 years and life has started to stabilize. Love yourself. No point thinking about the past. Move on… And I wondered - have I actually moved on? 

I exited the app.

ps: yes, I have.

Grateful 5 Apr: Qingming

I was supposed to be conducting training today, but due to a last-minute change, I found myself unexpectedly free. Instead of sleeping in, I chose to keep to my usual training schedule — I went for an early morning walk, had breakfast, and filled my day with activities. It turned out to be a rather full and meaningful day. On this day, I am thankful for:

• Remembrance. Today is Qingming Festival (清明节), a day of remembrance. Some refer to it as Tomb-Sweeping Day, though this is somewhat simplistic. The Chinese name, when translated literally, means “Clear and Bright”, reflecting the seasonal shift towards warmer, rainier weather and the greening of the landscape. Over time, it has come to be associated with remembering ancestors - visiting graves, offering prayers, and paying respects. As a guide, one can commemorate Qingming by visiting the graves anytime within 2 weeks before/ after the actual day. I had initially planned to visit the columbarium on Tuesday, but decided to go today instead. This year, however, I chose not to purchase the usual ancestor worship paraphernalia. This decision was influenced by a video I watched by a Buddhist venerable, who shared that making a donation to the temple can be just as meaningful as a way of expressing gratitude and remembrance. And that is what I did. 

• Rain. True to its name, it rained while I was on the bus heading to the columbarium. I hadn’t expected it, especially after weeks of blazing heat with hardly any rain, and I had not brought an umbrella. I was prepared to wait it out at the bus stop, but as it turned out, the rain stopped just as I arrived. The weather turned cool, and I was able to walk to the columbarium without getting wet. I felt grateful for that.

• Buddhist class. I am glad I made the effort to attend the Buddhist class after my visit to the columbarium. The topic covered helped me gain clarity on the issue that had troubled me over the past few days. Interestingly, the facilitator did something he had never done before - he invited us to reflect on a recent issue that had been on our minds, and guided us through a short meditation to explore its causes and effects. The exercise was deeply helpful, and it felt as though things fell into place for me. Today’s exercise is so timely and I am truly grateful for it.

Once again, the day felt quietly aligned. Everything seemed to fall into place - from the timely clearing of the rain, to the meditation that brought clarity, and finally, the simple gesture of PY texting to ask if I wanted to have dinner, which I did, and ate my north eastern Chinese food. I could not be more thankful for how the day unfolded.

Fun? Grindr messages

Oh my… over the past two days, my Grindr has received quite a few messages!

It started as early as Thursday afternoon. I had just finished my walk and was sitting by my condo pool when the pool cleaner (the guy who comes every other day) saw me and kept staring. He had already finished cleaning and was about to drive off when I arrived. As he drove off, he continued staring at me, but within a minute or two, he came back and went straight into the pool toilet, turning his head and looking at me as he did so. Something told me he was waiting for me. Anyway, I didn’t respond, and after a while, he left. The next thing I knew, I received a message on Grindr: “Hi, that was me, the pool guy”… wow, I thought. How on earth did he know it was me? I didn’t even have a profile photo. We chatted briefly, and he said I look “damn fit” and told me he wanted to blow me. He also mentioned that he cleans the pool every 2, 4, and 6, and that if I’m horny and need a blow, I can just text him. He’ll be more than willing. 

And yesterday (Good Friday), I received no fewer than 6 or 7 messages (maybe more) throughout the day, starting from the pre-dawn hours inviting me for “wild fun”. And in the morning, just before I left home for coffee, one message came in: “Hi, wanna play? I host.” “No, thanks, I’m heading out,” I replied. Clearly, I wasn’t interested. I haven’t done such meet-ups for quite a long while, and I’m not about to do so, tbh. A couple of minutes later, the same guy texted again: “Are you sure you’re going out?” This guy must be feeling unsecure, I thought. Feeling annoyed, I replied curtly, “You’re rather insistent. As I said, I’m going out.” He stopped messaging after that. And while at the coffee shop, another person sent me a series of explicit photos and invited me to his place for “long fun”, I turned him down too. The messages continue to come in even as I was in the MRT and just as I arrived at Chinese Garden station, I got this “Hi, wanna play? I’m at a quiet staircase nearby.” I didn’t reply. 

I was quite surprised by how fast and furious the messages came. After the initial few messages, I simply stopped replying. And the messages continue coming in today. It must be due to the Good Friday long weekend!

Grateful 4 Apr: Media

These days, after leaving corporate life, the distinction between weekdays and weekends has gently faded. My days now move in a steady, familiar rhythm - work (when there is upcoming training), afternoon walks and exercise, rest, and the occasional indulgence in shows online or on television. Today followed much of that rhythm, but it carried a slightly different undertone. You see, I had been navigating some lingering emotions since last evening. The shows I watched, thus, became both an escape and a means of easing that heaviness, and for that, I am grateful. 

• Nanny McPhee. I spent the latter part of the afternoon watching 2 children's shows: Nanny McPhee (2005) and Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang (2010) on Netflix. They were fun and entertaining as they were touching. Both films explored a range of human emotions - fear, love, betrayal, competition, and so on. It was lovely to see the strong cast of both shows, and to reflect on how the child actors have since grown into young adults, while some familiar faces, such as Maggie Smith, have since passed on. I’m grateful for the warmth and lightness these films brought to my afternoon. 

• AI-generated documentaries. I devoted much of the early evening to watching AI-generated documentaries on YouTube. It continues to amaze me how AI can recreate scenes from history and legend - Chinese dynasties, Alexandria, even Atlantis. These shows offer a glimpse into how life might have been in the past, while providing both enjoyment and learning. I’m grateful for an evening that felt both engaging and enriching. 

• Songs. Listening to MTVs on YouTube has become a regular part of my routine. It provides a gentle background as I work or write, and sometimes helps to drown the noise from the playground below. At times, I find myself singing along - especially to songs that carry familiar melodies and memories. These moments bring a quiet sense of comfort and nostalgia. 

It has been a slow and reflective day. I began by completing some meaningful training preparation, but for much of the day, my mind remained preoccupied with a lingering issue from last night, sparked by a message from someone. Although I responded after my exercise, the heaviness stayed with me for a while. Yet, as the day unfolded, there was a gradual lightening. The online shows and music did more than distract - they gently helped me regain a sense of balance and return to myself. For that quiet shift, I am truly grateful.

Grateful 3 Apr: A Good Friday

It’s the Good Friday public holiday, and I decided to head somewhere far away today. The day turned out much better than I had expected - perhaps even what a “good” Friday should feel like, in its own simple way.

• Jurong Lake Gardens. I told myself I wanted to go somewhere for a walk in nature, but I couldn’t quite decide where. I had options such as Sungei Buloh Wetlands, Jurong Lake Gardens, Mandai Nature Trail (by the zoo), or even Gardens by the Bay. It was only when I was already on the MRT that I decided Jurong would be the best option - the MRT stops right by the gardens. I ended up spending a pleasant day there. The weather was a little warm, but the walk was enjoyable, with much to see and experience. It was also my first visit to the Japanese Garden since it opened in 1975. I am grateful I made the decision to visit Jurong.

• Time with D. When I arrived at the Chinese Garden, I thought it would be nice to text D. After all, he lives in the western part of Singapore and has often lamented that we easterners rarely venture to the west. So once I arrived at the Chinese Garden, I sent him a picture of the pagoda. He recognised it immediately, and suggested meeting for lunch. We ended up lunching at Taman Jurong Hawker Centre before walking through both the Chinese Garden and Japanese Garden. So grateful that he made time to meet me! Was totally unexpected and especially at such short notice.

• Tea with K. I had also checked in with K earlier in the morning, thinking it might be nice to meet for a drink since it was a public holiday. He already had plans, so we left it at that. As it turned out, while I was on my way home from Jurong, he messaged to say he had finished his programme. We ended up meeting for a relaxed afternoon tea in town, followed by a visit to the temple. That visit gave me the space to pray for good health and for things to go smoothly at work, especially in light of recent developments with my training team lead and my current bout of piles. It was a timely opportunity to pause and centre myself.

It was a simple the day. Yet it felt full and meaningful - time in nature, great companionship, and a moment of reflection. Perhaps that is the gentle blessing of this Good Friday: not just a public day marked on the calendar, but one that turned out to be, quite simply, a good Friday.

Grateful 2 Apr: Departures

It is a day of departures - something we are often inclined to meet with sadness. Yet, if we can learn to accept endings as readily as we accept beginnings, they may also become moments for reflection, and perhaps even gratitude. Here is why I have titled today’s post “Departures”:

• Termination. My team lead flew in to the overseas head office yesterday at short notice, which left many of us curious and concerned. This afternoon, we received a message from him in the our group chat informing us that he had been terminated due to “business reasons”. The news came as a shock to all of us. He has been a stalwart of the team since its inception, and his sudden departure was entirely unexpected. Whatever the reasons, I remain thankful to him - for bringing me into the team and for his steady support over the past year. He has been the glue that held the team together, and his presence will be deeply missed. I wish him well in whatever comes next. 

• Death. An ex-colleague, who was once part of my team and whom I had been coaching over the past two years, shared with us via text that her grandmother passed away this morning. The news came without warning. Almost immediately, messages of condolence began pouring in from the team. My heart goes out to her and her family. Moments like these remind me of the transient nature of life - that time is never guaranteed, and that we must treasure what we have while we have it. For this quiet but powerful reminder, I am grateful.

• Rest. My haemorrhoids are still causing discomfort, and today I made a deliberate decision to continue resting. My step count was lower, and I kept my meals simple without overthinking them - though I believe I still managed to maintain a reasonable caloric and protein intake. I also intend to sleep early, having struggled with insomnia last night. In a way, this too feels like a form of departure - a temporary stepping back from activity, from busyness, and from the constant need to do. The postponement of my training this Sunday has eased some of the pressure I would otherwise have felt, allowing me the space to prioritise recovery. And for this pause, this small departure from routine, I am grateful. 

Perhaps departures are not always losses in the way we first perceive them. Sometimes, they are transitions - gentle or abrupt invitations to let go, to reflect, and to realign. Whether it is the parting of people, the passing of life, or even a temporary withdrawal into rest, each departure carries with it a quiet lesson. The events of today helped me realise that there is gratitude to be found even in these endings. More importantly, they reminded me of what truly matters and how I can move forward in the face of departures.

Grateful 1 Apr: April Fools' - Not

Today is April Fools’ Day. But no, I did not end up teasing anyone, much as I thought it might be fun to do so. Perhaps April Fools’ jokes do not come as naturally to a near 60-year-old anymore! Heh… anyway, the day turned out to be more tiring than I had expected not because of anything major, but simply from the usual, everyday things. And that, in itself, is something I am thankful for. 

• D. I met D for breakfast this morning, and we had a really nice chat. It had been a while since we last ate together, and it felt good to spend that time with him, just the two of us. I have known of him since the mid-90s, back when going to Fort Road was a trend. He was one of the more popular and attractive guys, and many of the gay men who hung out there had their eyes on him. But I never once spoke to him. One of my friends dated him for a while, and after they broke up, he went on to date another mutual friend. I kept my distance, preferring to stay low-profile. Fast forward 30 years, and I met him by chance last year. That was when we started chatting, and over time, we got to know each other better. Coming back to today - it was a simple breakfast, followed by accompanying him and another friend for a foot massage before we went our separate ways. Nothing extraordinary, but quietly warm and meaningful. 

• L. L contacted me a couple of days ago to say she had a doctor’s appointment today to assess a lump on her neck and determine if it might be cancerous. She is an ex-colleague and a cancer survivor. About a decade ago, she went through a major operation, and during that period - from pre-op to recovery - she leaned on me quite a bit for emotional support. She came through it, eventually got married, and I was honoured to be a witness at her solemnisation. We have stayed in touch since, with the occasional visit. So when she reached out again about the lump, I could not help but wonder if there had been a relapse. Even so, I have always admired her courage and her zest for life. When she messaged this evening to say that the initial assessment suggests it is not cancerous, I felt a deep sense of relief. She will still need further tests over the weekend, but for now, I am grateful for this piece of good news. I truly wish her all the best for the next phase. 

• Medication. Something clicked in my mind today - that there are over-the-counter medications available for haemorrhoids. After saying goodbye to D and T, I walked to the pharmacy to get some. I also told M about it, and he sent me a link to a cream, which I went ahead to purchase as well. The pain has improved today, though I still feel discomfort when shifting between standing and sitting. Hopefully, the medication will help things settle over the next few days. I am grateful for the accessibility of such treatments. I probably should have thought of this earlier, but as they say, better late than never. Now, I just hope it works. 

So here we are - April Fools’ Day, yet there was nothing foolish about today. It was a day of simple routines, meaningful connections and reassurances. And oh, I got my laptop issue resolved! Yay! So yeah, today showed me how much warmth there is in the ordinary, and how fortunate I am to have people around me who bring that into my life.

Grateful 31 Mar: Shit happens

When shit happens, shit happens! Hahaha… but frankly, I am not too concerned about it at all, as there is no point getting upset over things beyond my control. There are always more constructive ways of looking at situations. Here are some of the things that did not go well for me today, yet I remain thankful for them.

• Training. For the past two to three weeks, I have been chasing the training company regarding the confirmation of my training session this Sunday (Easter Sunday). Last Friday, they finally confirmed that it would proceed and that I will be delivering it. However, to date, I have not received any follow-up on the administrative details, materials, and so on. With Good Friday round the corner I got worried, so I wrote in again this afternoon. I then received a call and learnt that the company had screwed up. They had forgotten to register me with the authority to conduct the course (it is a government subsidised course and all trainers need to be registered to deliver the course). As a result, I cannot proceed with the training this Sunday. I have now been asked to swap my slot with another trainer. Am I upset? Tbh, no. The session has merely been postponed to a future date. This also means I have more time to prepare, and I can now focus on another course that will happen next week. That, in itself, is something to celebrate. Hurray!

• Course. I had applied for a one-year Specialist Diploma course commencing in the last week of April, related to what I do best - career coaching. However, I received an email yesterday (or perhaps the day before) informing me that my application was unsuccessful as the course was oversubscribed. Am I upset about it? Not really. I admit it has been on my mind over the past two days, but today I reframed the situation. Upon reflection, I had some reservations about the location and the course schedule. The F2F sessions of the course is being conducted in a polytechnic located in Woodlands, a good 2 hours plus journey by public transport! And had I been successful, I would have quite a few F2F sessions to attend next month. So this outcome means my April schedule will now be a lot lighter, and I will have more breathing space. For that, I am grateful.

• New Commitments. Next month, at least 5 to 6 days of activities have been cancelled or postponed (training, course, etc). Interestingly, just as news of these changes came in, I received a couple of messages from friends and social service contacts inviting me to lunch, appreciation events and other gatherings. The timing feels almost coincidental. Perhaps the postponement of the training and the unsuccessful course application are indeed blessings in disguise. 

And of course, apart from the above, my laptop also gave up on me today, and I got a blue screen bitlock prompt when I tried to turn it on. But well, I supposed it is an opportunity to learn about how to unlock it, and for this, I should be grateful. So once again, the experiences over the past couple of days - culminating in today’s training postponement - reinforce the saying that “when one door closes, another opens”. There is no point getting upset over things I cannot control, and I am grateful for this reminder, once again.

Smells a rat…

A friend contacted me and told me the following story:

“Hi… I no longer have my house and I’ve been scammed and have lost more than a million dollars. Two days ago, the police called me and arranged for me to meet up with the PM. The PM leh! And they said they will try to get my money back to me from overseas. But they are asking me to put a deposit of $100k. I need help. Can you lend me $30k? I will return you the full sum by end-April”

I said no politely and we ended the conversation. He then texted me:

“Will you be able to lend me $5k instead? I’ll return the full amount in 2 months, complete with interest.”

I rejected him again. He is a friend and to get this call, I feel sad for him. My heart feels bad not helping him but my head tells me that it is obviously a scam.

Grateful 30 Mar: Listening Within (2)

Today was a continuation of yesterday’s lesson - learning to listen more closely to my body and respond with care rather than habit. While the discomfort from my piles relapse persisted, it also created space for me to slow down, be more intentional, and reflect on how I manage both rest and recovery. The pain has eased compared to yesterday, and I believe the proper rest I had last night made a significant difference. 

• Good rest. As a rule, I try not to take medication unless absolutely necessary, but I chose to take a muscle relaxant and some painkillers before bed. I am glad I did. I slept soundly through the night and woke at about 7am feeling sufficiently rested. It has been a while since I managed to sleep through without waking, and I was reminded that sometimes, allowing myself support - even in the form of medication - can aid recovery rather than detract from it. 

• Slow & deliberate. I moved through the day in a slower and more deliberate manner. To avoid aggravating the condition, I reduced my walking distance from my usual 13–15k steps to about 8k. I also took a more proactive approach by reading up on the condition and applying a steroid cream to manage the inflammation. This felt like a small but meaningful act of self-care - learning to respond to my body with informed and intentional action. In doing so, I realised that slowing down does not equate to being unproductive; in fact, the day still felt purposeful and passed more quickly than I expected. 

• Little blessings. I also found myself appreciating the small comforts around me - the breeze flowing through my home despite the warm weather, simple snacks like teriyaki abalone, cashew nuts, and belinjau crackers. These moments reminded me that even on quieter, slower days, there is a quiet abundance to be noticed and appreciated. 

In many ways, today reaffirmed that taking care of myself is not a pause from progress, but part of it. Slowing down, listening within, and responding with care may seem like small actions, but they are building a more sustainable way of moving forward.

Grateful 29 Mar: Listening Within (1)

Today was an unplanned lesson in listening to my body and practising self-compassion. I had a very bad relapse of my piles last evening, possibly triggered by long hours of standing and constant movement. The discomfort disrupted my sleep throughout the night, and by morning, I did not feel well enough to get out of bed. While the day did not unfold as I had intended, it gently reminded me of the importance of slowing down and paying attention.

• Listening to the body. Last night was extremely difficult. Despite feeling physically exhausted, my mind remained active, and sleep was elusive. The pain made it worse, waking me frequently. It was only just before daybreak that my body gave way, and I fell into a brief but deep sleep. When I woke up, the discomfort lingered, and I could not immediately get out of bed. Even after I eventually got up, it was clear that my body was not quite ready for the day ahead. I had planned to attend my Buddhist class, but as the morning unfolded, I found myself reconsidering. Instead of pushing through or rigidly holding on to my plans, I chose to let the class go. It was a conscious act of self-compassion - acknowledging that rest was what I needed more. I am grateful for this reminder that listening to my body sometimes means choosing less, not more.

• Going with the flow. With the training assignment now confirmed, I felt a natural pull to continue my preparation. After getting up and completing my morning routines, I began doing some work and gradually became engrossed in it. Time passed quickly, and what started as a small effort turned into a more focused stretch of preparation. After a quick lunch, I returned home and continued working, while also allowing space to rest in between. There is a certain flow that comes when I do not resist my state but work with it. Rather than forcing productivity, I found myself moving in and out of effort more naturally. I am grateful that even on a low-energy day, I was able to adjust and still make meaningful progress.

• Receiving from others. It was interesting that as I slowed down, several unexpected connections happened. An old cabin crew colleague reached out, and it was comforting to reconnect after so many years. After dinner, another ex-colleague joined me for a simple grocery run and walk. Later in the evening, a friend’s husband messaged to check in - a small but thoughtful gesture I had not anticipated. None of these were planned, yet each interaction was warm and heartfelt. Perhaps when I allow myself to be in a more vulnerable, slower state, I also become more open to receiving care. I am grateful for these reminders that I am not alone.

The day began with pain, discomfort, and disruption, but it unfolded into something more reflective and grounding. I listened, adjusted, and allowed myself to slow down. In doing so, I not only took better care of myself but also found that support and connection came in gentle, unexpected ways. In all, I learned that when I listen to my body, I also create space to receive what I need - care and support from others, and above all, self-compassion. And for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 28 Mar: Social work

Today has been an exhausting day of social work, yet I feel deeply grateful to have been part of it. There is something incredibly heartening about witnessing young people show such enthusiasm and commitment. So for today, these are the 3 moments I am most grateful for. 

• Breakfast. I woke up at 6am so I can meet K for breakfast before the event. It had been some time since we last caught up over a meal. I arrived earlier and noticed an exceptionally long queue at the coffee stall. Wanting to save time, I joined the queue, only to realise - just as I was about to order - that the stall accepted cash only. I had none on me. Oh my... in this day and age, it's amazing how there are still stalls that do not accept digital payment, I thought. Not wanting to queue all over again, I told the stall owner I would return with cash. Thankfully, K arrived shortly after with cash and I was able to make the payment. Otherwise, it would have been rather embarrassing to cancel the order at the last minute. 

• Volunteering. I spent the day volunteering at a project in Toa Payoh, where we cleaned and painted the homes of elderly residents. The effort also involved junior college students, and in total, five apartments were assigned for the day. 3 students, K, and I were allocated to an elderly lady’s home - though, truth be told, I thought she looked younger than me. She needed help to clean her fridge, do general cleaning of the flat, paint the walls, main door, gate and grills. It was really tough work. But what stood out most was the enthusiasm of the students. It was truly uplifting to see their energy and enthusiasm. More than that, it was deeply heartwarming to witness the smiles on the ladys’ face after her home had been cleaned and refreshed. 

• Food delivery. By the time I got home, I was completely drained. In fact, I could hardly stand while I was in the MRT! After a cold shower, I literally collapsed into bed, having been awake since 6am and running on little rest. The day had been physically demanding - washing, scrubbing, clearing rubbish - and I barely had the energy to move. Although I am not usually a fan of food delivery due to the higher costs and additional "platform" fees, I found myself genuinely thankful for it in that moment. I placed an order for dinner and drifted into a deep nap. It did not matter that the food took almost an hour and a half to arrive; what mattered was the convenience when I needed it most. 

It was a long and incredibly exhausting day, but also a deeply meaningful one. Ultimately, it is not just the satisfaction of helping others and seeing their smiles, but also the inspiration I drew from the teenagers. Their enthusiasm, sense of responsibility, and cheerfulness throughout the day left a strong impression on me. I am truly grateful that I chose to be part of this experience.

Grateful 27 Mar: Reframing

I started off today with a sense of unhappiness that I could not quite explain at first. It wasn’t triggered by any one major event, but rather a series of small situations that began to accumulate. As I reflected, I realised how quickly I was slipping into a familiar pattern - attributing how I felt to external circumstances and people. This awareness reminded me that if I did not consciously reframe, I would simply spiral into unhelpful thinking. And so today became an opportunity to practise what I have been focusing on this year - self-compassion, and to embrace my own vulnerabilities. Let me share more:

• Class confirmation. I have been scheduled to deliver a class next weekend. It is a new module that I had not taught before and there is much to prepare - content, activity, admin, and so on. Yet, to date, there has been no confirmation - something highly unusual. With no response from the coordinator despite a few follow-ups, I could feel my frustration building. But when I stepped back, I asked myself a simple question: regardless of whether this class proceeds next weekend, will I still need to deliver this module it at some point in future? The answer was yes. That realisation shifted something in me. Instead of waiting in uncertainty, I chose to begin my preparation. In doing so, I felt a sense of control return. I even found myself mentally rehearsing parts of the session. The tension I initially felt towards the organisation lifted, replaced by a quiet sense of progress. I am thankful for this reframing. 

• Meet ups. The second situation involved a friend who was silent and non-committal about meeting up this week, breaking our usual routine. Almost immediately, my mind began to fill the gap with assumptions - am I no longer a priority, did I do/ say something wrong?... I noticed how easily my earlier frustration fed into these thoughts, creating a chain of negativity. But again, I paused and reframed. If he is not available, wouldn't this be an opportunity for me to spend time with myself? To explore something new, or simply to enjoy my own company? Why should my emotional state depend on someone else’s availability? I have been here before, in past friendships and relationships, and I know where such thinking can lead. With this awareness, I let the thoughts pass. The lightness that followed reminded me that self-reliance, in an emotional sense, is something I am still learning - and today, I took a small step forward. I am thankful for this realisation. 

• Daily Routine. My daily mid-day routine has been lunch, kopi-o kosong at Simei and walk around the industrial estate. But it had started to feel stale, especially after a few more varied days recently. So instead of going through the motions, I decided to change things slightly. I took a bus to Bedok for my lunch and walked back via a different route. Along the way, I passed through the Tanah Merah estate, visited the San Qing Gong temple (see photo above), and observed people carrying out their Qingming prayers. Yet, I still kept to what mattered to me - my walk and my kopi-o kosong at Simei. This small shift reminded me that reframing does not always require drastic change. Sometimes, it is about adjusting how we approach the familiar, allowing space for new experiences without losing what grounds us. I am thankful for this simple yet refreshing change. 

As I reflect on the day, I am reminded that life will always present situations that are uncertain, inconvenient, or disappointing. The instinct to blame or to externalise is a natural one, but it is not always a helpful one. What matters more is the ability to pause, to reframe, and to ask: what is within my control, and what can I do with what is in front of me? This is something I do when I coach others! And in doing so, I find that not only do I become more productive, but I also feel more at peace. Perhaps this is what self-compassion looks like in practice - not avoiding discomfort, but choosing how I respond to it. I am thankful for this awareness and the reminder to reframe.

Grateful 26 Mar: Senses (2)

I wrote about 3 of the 5 senses yesterday, and today I found myself naturally completing the rest - alongside a deeper awareness of mindfulness. Not because I felt the need to finish the list, but more because the day itself presented the opportunity to do so. 

• Mindfulness. These 2 days, I surprised myself by being able to meditate for more than 30 minutes. To be honest, time isn’t something I aim for when I meditate - in fact, there have been days where I struggled to stay focused for even 10 minutes. But the past two days felt different. Perhaps I was more rested, or perhaps my mind was simply less preoccupied. At some point, I settled into a deeper state where everything felt very still - almost like falling into an empty space. “Nothing” is probably the closest word I have for it. It didn’t feel forced, and I didn’t have to try too hard to stay there. I came out of it feeling light, almost floaty, and very calm. A quiet reminder that sometimes, the mind settles when I simply allow it to. I am grateful for that. 

• Hear. I started meditating around June or July last year, and it has since become a practice I do every morning before breakfast. Part of it involves tuning into the sounds around me. When I close my eyes and let go of sight, everything I hear becomes more pronounced. And this is where the richness of what would otherwise be background noise comes to the fore - birds chirping, cars in the distance, babies crying, people talking on the phone, someone sweeping the walkway downstairs. All of it happening at once, in that same moment. Nothing special, just daily life unfolding. Yet when I pay attention, these ordinary sounds take on a different quality. They anchor me to the present and remind me that life is always happening, even when I am not consciously noticing it. I am grateful for these moments of awareness. 

• Feel/ Touch. Today brought a gentle awareness of my body through simple experiences such as the feel of the breeze on my body when I meditate, the heat of the sun, or even the prick of a needle. While at MacRitchie for my afternoon walk, I took the opportunity to lie on the ground and simply sun myself. The heat was at times scorching but still tolerable, softened by the occasional clouds passing by. Having grown up by the beach, this feeling is familiar, enjoyable even. I went for my blood test after my walk. The sensation of the needle piercing the skin was brief, almost insignificant. It was a sensation that I anticipated. The whole experience reinforced the notion that it was not about the pain or discomfort. Rather, it was about being connected to the present through the body. Even these small moments are reminders that I am alive, aware, and responsive. I am grateful for that. 

Bringing these reflections together, I am reminded that my senses are not just functional - they are ways of being present, and also quiet gateways to memory. The warmth of the sun, the layering of everyday sounds, even the stillness of the mind - each holds traces of past experiences, resurfacing in the present moment. There is nothing particularly extraordinary about any of this, and perhaps that is the point. When I pay attention, the ordinary not only feels quietly rich, but also deeply familiar. And for that, I am grateful.

Between Worlds

I was on holiday with my mum.

We were in a coach and had arrived at a shopping centre for a short break. The coach parked at the coach parking bay. It was drizzling lightly, and I quickly wheeled her - she was in a wheelchair - into the building. As the glass doors slid open, what greeted us was a brightly lit tennis court with people playing. Mum, in her usual critical way, remarked that the place was “lousy” - how could a shopping centre have a tennis court instead of shops right at the entrance? I laughed and told her to suspend judgement, since we had just arrived, and that the main shopping area was probably upstairs. We just needed to take the travelator up. 

Then things shifted. 

I suddenly realised I was completely naked. It didn’t feel right to be walking around like that, especially in public and in an unfamiliar place. There were many people around, and feeling self-conscious, I started looking for a toilet. Luckily, there was one nearby, and I went into a cubicle to change. It was an interesting toilet. Light blue in colour, brightly lit and very high ceiling. There was no urinal nor shower head, just an empty space. At that moment, I realised I hadn’t brought any clothes, but somehow I had a pair of black boxer shorts and a singlet in my carry-on pouch. Whew, I thought. And just as I was about to put them on, someone pushed the cubicle door open. It was a little boy… 

Then things became a blur. 

I found myself wondering where my mum was. It seemed like I had been away for quite some time. Was she still waiting for me outside the toilet? Had she gone back to the coach? And then… my thoughts and the scene shifted. Was she in her room? In the living room? Was she back in Marine Parade, our old home? I felt a sense of panic. It took a couple of seconds before it registered - Mum has been gone for more than a decade. What I am left with is not so much the dream itself, but how real that moment felt. For those few seconds, she was simply there again, and I was just going about things with her as I always had. 

I was fully awake by then.

The dream itself got me curious. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Why was I naked? Why was I with my mum? Why did a little boy suddenly appear? I don’t quite have the answers. But what I do notice is that I tend to dream of my mum during moments when I might need some form of support. Perhaps it is less about the details of the dream, and more about what her presence represents. Or perhaps it is simply a reminder of the bond between us. Not something I actively think about after her passing so long ago, but something that continues to surface. 

Again and again.

Grateful 25 Mar: Senses (1)

Today, I found myself becoming more aware of something I often take for granted - my senses. In the midst of an otherwise ordinary day, small moments drew my attention to how I experience the world through smell, taste, and sight. These are not grand realisations, but quiet ones that gently remind me there is depth even in the most basic human faculties.

• Taste. I had a bowl of fish soup for lunch today and found it too salty for my liking. In fact, this heightened saltiness seemed to have become increasingly pronounced over the past week or two. And I wondered if my palate has changed. You see, since CNY, I have been trying to manage my weight after regaining what I had previously lost, and one key adjustment has been reducing my sodium intake. It seems that this conscious effort has recalibrated my taste buds, making me more sensitive to salt. Positively, this shift has also allowed me to experience flavours more distinctly — fish tastes more “fishy”, and eggs more “eggy”. It feels like rediscovering food with a renewed palate, and I am curious about what other experiences this “new tongue” might bring.

• Smell. As I walked along a canal near the MRT depot, with hardly anyone within sight, I was suddenly met with a strong, flowery fragrance. While flowery smells are often associated with the supernatural, this experience felt different. It was the middle of the day - hot, bright, and sunny - hardly the setting for such encounters. More importantly, the scent itself is different from what I had previously experienced. I also did not get that sudden chilly feel. With that awareness, I found myself becoming curious rather than fearful. I do not have an explanation for what I experienced, but I am grateful that my sense of smell, together with past experience, helped me navigate my emotions - shifting me from fear to curiosity. 

• Sight. It was low tide during my walk and with it came sights that I do not usually get to see. The lowered water level revealed an abundance of oysters and barnacles clinging to the canal walls, forming textures and patterns that would otherwise remain hidden. I also saw white egrets perched quietly along the canal edge, watching the shallow waters with intent, clearly on the lookout for an opportunistic catch. It struck me that these sights had always been there, just not always visible - or perhaps not always noticed. And in that moment, I found myself appreciating not just the ability to see, but the opportunity to observe more closely. It was a gentle reminder that what we see often depends on when - and how - we choose to look.

As I look back on these experiences, I realise that my senses are not merely functional - they shape how I interpret and respond to the world around me. They guide my emotions, influence my habits, and evolve alongside me with age and experience. Perhaps that is the quiet gift in all of this - not just that I can see, taste, or smell, but that through them, I continue to learn, adapt, and stay curious. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

Grateful 24 Mar: Living Memory

Today, I found myself reflecting on how nostalgia has quietly become a meaningful part of my daily life. What began as a simple habit has, over time, evolved into something that supports reflection, connection, and a deeper appreciation of my life experiences. In the course of today - through watching YouTube, chatting with M, and conversations with B - I was reminded of how the past continues to shape and serve my present. For this, I am grateful.

• Nostalgia. This evening, as with many others in recent months, I had YouTube playing in the background as I blogged and worked - songs and shows largely from the 60s through to the early 2000s. What started as a way to drown out the noise from the playground downstairs has become a quiet ritual. At times, it provides a gentle backdrop for reflection; at other moments, I find myself singing along to the hits of years past. More than entertainment, it creates space - to pause, to think, and to reconnect with parts of my life that still bring warmth and comfort. For this simple yet meaningful companion in my daily routine, I am grateful.

• Caregiving. In my conversation with B, the topic of caring for elderly parents surfaced. As a foreigner residing in Singapore over the past decade, he has not been able to spend as much time with his elderly parents as he would like, much less look after them. On my part, I shared about my own experiences - particularly the years when I was the primary caregiver for my mum during the final six years of her life with dementia. Those were difficult years, but deeply significant. They became a time in which my mum imparted her final lessons to me - resilience and compassion. Being able to draw from these experiences to support friends and cousins who are navigating similar journeys gives them continued purpose. It is also my way of allowing the past to contribute to others. For these opportunities to share and to be of help, I am grateful.

• Life’s experiences. I chatted with M last night and earlier today, we reflected on how little we truly know of each other’s lives, and acknowledged that there is time ahead to understand one another more deeply. Perhaps he sensed a certain level of reticence on my part and said that there is no need for me to disclose anything I am not comfortable with - that what matters is who I am today. On the contrary, I find this difficult. I have a preference to be open about my past, for it is my past that has shaped who I am today. I may have mellowed over time, but certain desires and less helpful tendencies remain, and understanding their context matters to me. What stood out in this exchange was the absence of judgement - just a quiet acceptance of each other’s journeys. For the ability to reflect, to share, and to be accepted without judgement, I am thankful.

In bringing these moments together, I am conscious that while I may indulge in nostalgia, I am not held back by it. Instead, it has become a resource that offers perspective, supports connection, and allows me to move forward with greater awareness. The past, in its own way, continues to serve the present. And in learning how to carry it well, I find myself ageing with a certain sense of grace. For this, I am thankful.

Grateful 23 Mar: Simple Joys

It was a simple day, and I initially wanted to write about being grateful for life’s most basic things - the air I breathe, the water I drink, and so on. But as I reflected more deeply, I realised there were a few moments that stood out, not because they were significant, but because of what they revealed: 

• Walk-Jog-Bus Ride. I met a social worker for lunch at Bedok Interchange hawker centre today. As usual, I left early to have my kopi-o kosong at Simei, thinking I could simply take the MRT to Bedok afterwards. But after my coffee, I realised I had more time than expected and decided to take the bus instead. The app showed that the next bus would arrive in 9 minutes, so I thought I might as well walk to the next stop. And then the next. And then the next. Since I have another hour to go, why not right? And before I knew it, I had covered more than half the distance. At a certain point, I figured it wouldn’t be ideal to arrive drenched in perspiration, and eventually took the bus instead. Funnily enough, I still ended up early as the social worker was late. Doh! But well, despite not planning for it, I ended up clocking my steps! Perhaps it is a reminder that things do not always have to go according to plan to turn out just fine.

• Swim. After meeting the social worker, I returned home and felt it was too early to get back into my work routine. It was really breezy and I decided to sit by the pool to enjoy the breeze. The weather was warm, and before long, I couldn’t resist the temptation and ended up taking a dip. It had been almost a year since I last did so. I only did 2 laps, and decided to just enjoy the refreshing cool water. It was such a huge contrast to the heat of the sun and the morning’s walk-jog and I was grateful for the presence of this pool. Once again, I was reminded how I have stopped making use of such facilities after living in a condo for a while. Perhaps I should do this more often.

• eSIM. 2 days ago, my phone unexpectedly displayed “No SIM”. It was strange and came out of nowhere. I was outside at the time and almost ended up stranded, as I rely on my phone for transport payments and don’t have the habit of carrying my wallet. Thankfully, a food court attendant lent me a pin so I could remove and reinsert the SIM card. M suggested switching to an eSIM, but I hesitated, thinking it might be troublesome. When the issue recurred yesterday and again today, I decided - while sitting by the pool - to just go ahead with it. Within minutes, it was done. Simple. It made me wonder how often I hold back from making small changes because I assume they will be inconvenient, when in reality, they are not.

So yes, it was still a simple day, yet one that reminded me that not everything needs to be planned so tightly. At times, especially when time is not a constraint, it may be better to let things be. A little spontaneity can inject some quiet excitement, and even if things go slightly awry, one can always respond to the moment, and things will work themselves out.

Grateful 22 Mar: Duty, Honour, Country

I read with horror a comment by a leader of a country on the passing of a senior statesman. It set me thinking about the leaders of my own country and, more broadly, the system we have built. I found myself feeling a deep sense of gratitude. I have seen first-hand how our political leaders have consistently been pressured by foreign powers and the international press, particularly from Western countries. Yet, they have held their ground and chosen to build what is relevant to our context. The result is a model of governance that is distinctly our own - one that, at its core, seeks to serve Singaporeans.

• Political leadership. I find myself reflecting on the sense of responsibility that comes with the role. It brings to mind what was instilled in me as an officer cadet in the 1980s - Duty, Honour, Country - a call to serve, and to do so with the nation at heart. It was relevant to me then as an officer cadet and, later, an officer, and I would suggest relevant to all leaders in the country. Leadership is not simply about holding office; it is about clarity of purpose - knowing what one stands for and whose interests one is entrusted to protect. When I look at developments in other parts of the world and especially in countries with much longer histories, I am reminded of how quickly systems can be weakened when leaders place self-interest above the collective good. In such moments, I come to appreciate the deliberate way leadership is developed in Singapore - the thought given to identifying, grooming, and renewing leaders over time. This continuity is not accidental; it reflects a long-term view that I have come to value more deeply with time.

• Institutions. Beyond the individuals, I have come to also better appreciate the role of institutions. When they are strong, institutions provide stability that goes beyond any single leader. They embody values, set boundaries, and ensure that governance remains consistent even as individuals change. Observing how institutions elsewhere can be challenged or eroded has made me more aware of how important it is to protect and uphold them. Here, I see institutions that are not only established, but continually reinforced - and that is something I do not take lightly, and for which I am grateful.

• Decorum of office. At the intersection of the individual and the institution lies the decorum of office. I am often struck by the tone and behaviour of some political leaders that I encounter online. It reinforces a belief I hold - that once a person is elected into office, they carry the responsibility of representing not just a segment of society (that voted for them), but the nation as a whole. In that sense, the office demands a certain standard of conduct, one that reflects respect for both the role and the people it serves. It requires office holders to place the office above themselves. In Singapore, there remains a general expectation of this standard, and I have come to see how important it is in maintaining trust. It is also, I believe, one of the reasons why political leaders here have been held accountable and removed when necessary, regardless of political affiliation. For this too, I am grateful.

As I reflect on these observations, I am reminded that what we have today did not come about by chance. It is the result of intentional effort, careful stewardship, and a shared commitment to something larger than any one individual. And that is why, when I look at what's happening in many countries abroad, I find myself returning to a simple but genuine sense of gratitude.

Decorum of an office

When one occupies an office, he carries the role and represent what the office stands for. It’s sad to see the extent some had spiralled down to, self-interest, name calling, lies, fraud, etc… and it just gets worse and worse with time. It’s utterly embarrassing.

I feel so sorry for the country. 

Grateful 21 Mar: Celebrations

It’s Hari Raya Aidilfitri today - such a joyous occasion, and a public holiday too. I decided to sleep in before making my way to MacRitchie Reservoir for a walk and a bit of sun, ahead of meeting my buddy for dinner. On the whole, it was a lovely day, made so by the following:

• Hari Raya Aidilfitri. It was such a delight to see the Malay community out in full force, all beautifully dressed as they celebrate the occasion. These days, the variety of attire is especially striking - from the traditional baju kurung, to the more form-fitting sarong kebaya, to those dressed more conservatively with tudung and, for some, black tunics. What stood out most to me was how families coordinated their outfits. There is something deeply heartwarming about that. I feel grateful to be able to celebrate this festival with them. 

• The bus driver. Living in a multicultural society means that during festive periods, people from different communities often step in to keep essential services running. During Chinese New Year, for instance, many frontline roles are taken on by non-Chinese staff. And of course, there are always some who choose to work on their own festive holidays. Today, I boarded a bus driven by a Malay driver. My first thought was, “Aiyoh, he should be celebrating with his family instead of working.” Then again, he must have had his reasons. As I alighted, I wanted to show my appreciation and in my way to celebrate the occasion with him, wished him “Selamat Hari Raya”, placing my hand on my heart. He responded with a broad smile, almost a grin, and returned the greeting in the same manner. I felt grateful to him for being at work today. 

• Dinner with M. It has been a while since I last had a proper dinner out with M. With both our schedules, it has not been easy to find time to meet. So I was especially glad that we managed to do so today. And it was so nice to be able to take a drive around Seletar after dinner! Been a while! The evening was simple, yet meaningful as we celebrate our friendship! Happy and grateful. 

Hari Raya Aidilfitri marks the end of fasting for the Muslim community, but in many ways, the celebration extends beyond - shared and experienced by people of different backgrounds. I am grateful to live in a multicultural environment where we can partake in one another’s celebrations. And for many non-Muslims, it is also a time to reconnect with friends and loved ones. All in all, it was indeed a lovely day.

Grateful 20 Mar: Discoveries

It is the eve of Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Festival of Eid), and it also happens to be the school holiday week. Many places feel less crowded than usual. I am grateful for this, as everything seems less rushed and, by extension, less stressful. In such moments, one can simply take a step back and watch the world go by - slowly and deliberately, noticing things that might otherwise slip past the conscious mind. And that was what I found myself doing today.

• Tampines West. I wandered around Tampines West this afternoon. The last time I was here was about 2 to 3 weeks ago with my sister and brother-in-law for the Chap Goh Meh (last day of CNY) dinner. Tbh, Tampines West is not a place I would usually visit these days, as it is not well connected by public transport and tends to be crowded. Part of the reason I returned today was rather light-hearted. You see, during that CNY dinner, I had noticed a rather cute, hunky guy working at one of the coffee shops, and I thought I might chance upon him again. Alas, he was nowhere to be seen. But in return, I discovered something else: a variety of eateries and zichar stalls that I had not paid attention to before. I also enjoyed a plate of chicken rice with duck gizzard - my first time trying it, and, surprisingly, thought it was nice.

• Simei. After lunch, I decided to head to my usual coffee shop in Simei for my kopi-o kosong. It was then that I realised there is no direct MRT nor bus route between Tampines West and Simei MRT, where the coffee shop is located. Feeling a little adventurous, I boarded whichever bus that came along to see where it would take me. In doing so, I discovered that Services 69 and 5 connect these two areas. I even alighted one stop earlier to save 20 cents on the fare. A small, almost trivial detail - but somehow part of the charm of the afternoon. A quiet little lesson in navigation, and perhaps in perspective, to which will come in handy in future. And I am grateful for it.

• Giant. During my frequent walks along the park connectors around my area, I often notice discarded beer cans on the ground. I have occasionally seen groups of foreign workers spending their time there - having their dinner and chatting - and I assume these cans may have been left behind in the process. It is something that continue to irk me, so much so that I have taken to picking them up and disposing of them properly when I can. Through this simple act, I became more aware of the different beer brands. Today, while at Giant supermarket, I noticed those very same cans on the shelves. At about $4 per can, they are not cheap. It made me pause and reflect - on choices, on habits, and on the unseen stories behind everyday scenes. I choose not to speculate, but simply to observe and acknowledge. 

Today’s small discoveries - coffee shops, zichar stalls, duck gizzards, bus routes, and even beer prices - may seem ordinary or trivial on the surface. Yet, taken together, they offered me new insights into places, people, and everyday living. Also, they reminded me that when I slow down, pay attention, and stay open, even the most unremarkable moments can become quietly meaningful. And for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 19 Mar: Quiet Routine

Today was, in every sense, a very routine day. There was no urgency, no pressure, no expectations - a clear contrast to the previous few days of training, meet-ups, meals, and constant movement. Moving from one thing to another, watching the time, trying to get somewhere, meet someone, deliver something - all these come with their own inherent stress of deadlines. Today, none of that was present. And for that, I am grateful. Let me share more: 

• Predictability. The day unfolded with no plans, and things moved along routinely - wake up, meditate, breakfast, housework, lunch, a walk, and so on. In other words, very predictable. Someone once told me that when things get too predictable, the mind switches off and one becomes lazy. I can see that. But I also think predictability gives the mind the opportunity to rest. And rest creates capacity - for the mind to be more open and more ready when it needs to engage. Today didn’t demand much from me mentally, and I needed that. 

• Freedom. I had full freedom of control over my day. The decisions were simple - what to eat, what to cook, where to go, what to do next. Nothing big, nothing heavy. I was accountable only to myself, and somehow that made everything feel lighter. No expectations to manage, no one else to coordinate with. Just me deciding, moment to moment. I ended up going to Tampines, had my kopi-o kosong at Simei, walked through Giant and FairPrice, and bought nothing. And that was perfectly fine. There was no agenda, and no stress. 

• Ease. And from that predictability and control came a sense of ease. Life felt simple today. Familiar. Unhurried. There was nothing to chase, nothing to prove, nothing waiting at the end of the day that I needed to deliver. It was just… a day. Boring even. But it was a restful one. It gave me space to slow down and just be. And perhaps that is its role - to balance out the days where everything feels like it is moving a bit too fast. 

Uneventful days are often seen as boring or even wasteful. Since transitioning from corporate life to that of a freelancer, I have had to remind myself, time and again, that I need to get used to having more time on my hands. And truth be told, it does take some getting used to. Waking up late may be seen as laziness, but I am learning to reframe it - as focusing on my well-being, and recognising that I deserve it. Today is one such day. And for this quiet sense of ease, I am grateful.

Grateful 18 Mar: Reconnections

Today was special - I had the chance to reconnect with a few people who, in different ways, matter to me. 

• D and T. I met D and T this morning. It wasn’t planned. I had gone for a urine test and had to wait as I didn’t have sufficient urine for collection. While waiting, I chanced upon them. It was such a coincidence! We ended up having a quick breakfast at Geylang Serai. Being just three days before Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, the place - long the heart of all things Malay - was buzzing with activity, with many doing their festive grocery shopping. D, T and I used to meet more often, but with work preoccupations recently, our meet-ups has dwindled. In fact, I have not seen them since CNY. As such, being able to reconnect with them today felt really good and I am grateful for it. I am glad to see T managing well despite his health issue. 

• L. I met L for lunch today. It’s been months since that awkward conversation some months back and I have chosen not to initiate contact, leaving it to him to decide instead. He needs to decide how our close-to-five-decades friendship will evolve in the years ahead. As for me, I do not wish to place myself in a position where I might feel judged. Life is too short for that. We’ve only met once following that meet up, and last week he asked if I was free for lunch today. So we met. The conversation was warm but at times, awkward. Nonetheless, I am grateful that he took the initiative to reconnect. The ball remains in his court. 

• M. I miss my buddy. He last visited me a week ago and has been busy taking care of his mum. I didn’t want to impose, and had left it to him to initiate any meet-ups. Looking after an elderly is not easy and I can relate and empathise. Whenever I think about his situation, I am reminded of how I once told my ex that my priorities would always lie with my own mum - that I would place her above everything else. This morning, at the Geylang Serai market, I had intended to buy ondeh ondeh for breakfast, but the makcik (Malay auntie) sold me roti jala (see picture) instead. I didn’t correct her and simply paid for it, and decided to keep it for dinner. As it turned out, during my conversation with M, he mentioned that he enjoys roti jala. It felt like a small, timely alignment, and I took it as a cue to invite him over. I am glad and grateful that he made time to come by this evening. After some time apart, it felt good to reconnect again - simply, quietly, and without expectation. It was nice to finally spend time together. 

Today reminded me that reconnections do not always come in big, dramatic moments. Sometimes, they happen quietly - in chance encounters, in tentative conversations, or in small, unexpected turns, like how a simple packet of roti jala ended up finding its way into the right moment. And for all of that, I am grateful.

Grateful 17 Mar: Tourist

I had a most tiring but enjoyable day today, being a local tourist. And I am thankful to have had the opportunity to do so. It has been some time since I last looked at the island through a different lens, and I found myself appreciating it in ways I had not expected. In this regard, I am grateful to a colleague-turned-friend for making it happen:

• Friend. I thank WL for arranging this walk. Since leaving corporate life some years back, I have kept in touch with him. He would also reach out to me to seek counsel on his career, and at other times simply to catch up. In recent months, our meet-ups have taken on a more intentional form: morning coffees and walks. And for today, he suggested something different - a walk from the western side of the island towards town. As an eastie, my familiarity with the west is largely limited to areas around MRT stations and key attractions. So having the opportunity to explore the park connectors in the western and central parts more closely was both new and deeply enjoyable. I am thankful to him for that.

• Local Tourist. We met at Queenstown MRT and began our walk towards the CBD area, had breakfast in town, and continued towards the Victoria Street and Bugis area before I left him near Jalan Besar. The route took us through park connectors linking Redhill, Jervois Road, River Valley, Killiney Road, Robertson Quay, and Clarke Quay - areas that, when explored on foot, felt totally different from how I usually experience them. What stood out to me was the morning rhythm of these neighbourhoods - workers hurrying to work, elderly residents going about their walks and breakfasts, and tourists exploring local suburbs. From Clarke Quay, we continued towards the Peranakan Museum, SMU, CHIJMES, the National Library, Bugis, and the Sultan Mosque (see picture) at Arab Street area. These are places I have passed through many times, often without a second thought. Yet today, walking through them unhurried, I was reminded of the stories they carry, stories that form our nation’s history. It made me realise how easily we overlook the richness of our own heritage in the midst of our daily routines. For this, I am grateful.

• Tourist. After I bade WL farewell close to noon, I made my way towards a bus stop in the midday heat. There, I noticed two foreigners - probably in their 70s, rather heavy in their build, visibly warm, perspiring heavily and a little flustered. From their appearance, they seemed to be Westerners, possibly from Eastern Europe, judging from the unfamiliar language they were speaking. They were studying the bus routes, the lady clearly tired and somewhat exasperated, while the man - presumably her husband - tried to figure things out. Sensing that they might need help, I approached them and asked if there was anything I could assist them with. They were trying to get to a particular MRT station, and I guided them accordingly. It was a simple interaction, but their smiles as they boarded the bus, along with their enthusiastic wave, stayed with me. I was thankful for the small opportunity to be of help.

It was supposed to be an ordinary day. Yet, it turned out anything but ordinary. I had a meaningful catch-up with a friend, saw my own city with fresh eyes, and was given a chance to extend a small act of kindness to strangers. By the end of the day, I had clocked more than 17km. And for all these, I am grateful.

Grateful 16 Mar: Embarrassing

By all measures, it was a routine day. And by routine, it was supposed to be uneventful, but I was tickled by an incident that could have been highly embarrassing. Thankfully, it wasn’t. Here’s what happened. 

• Oops. I always freeball unless I absolutely need to put on underwear. So today, as I was having my afternoon coffee before my usual walk, I suddenly felt the need to fart. But something didn’t feel quite right - my stomach started growling, and I worried that I might actually need to shit instead. Would be totally horrible if I misfired and soiled my shorts! So I squeezed, held back the fart and looked for a toilet. Thing was, the coffee shop toilet was not the cleanest and so I walked over to the MRT public toilet. But that wasn’t very clean either. Sigh! Thankfully, there was a shopping centre next to the MRT where the toilet was cleaned regularly. I heaved a sigh of relief and felt so thankful for the presence of that shopping centre. 

• Flush. I hurried into the shopping centre toilet and what a relief - it was clean! I sat on the toilet bowl, wondering whether it was just a fart or whether I really needed to move my bowels. I was totally caught by surprise by the amount of gas my body had been holding, and I let out a huge fart! Holding back the fart earlier could have made it worst. Feeling embarrassed (even though I was in the cubicle) and fully conscious that there were people outside, I quickly reached backwards to flush the toilet. I was so thankful the flush was strong and loud - enough to mask my explosion, not just once, but it came out again and again! When it finally stopped, it was such a huge relief! Ok, I think I must have sounded totally gross here. But yes, this could have turned into a hugely embarrassing moment for me. Thankfully, the loud flush helped to mask it. 

• Walk. Having cleared my body of gas, I proceeded to confidently take my afternoon walk. It was another beautiful day, with the sun bright and warm. As I walked along the canal, I reflected on the incident, had a good chuckle, and decided that today’s entry would be about this embarrassing moment. Of course, there were many other things I was thankful for today - the good sleep I had last night, waking up feeling energetic, having a nice relaxing morning and finishing a show on Netflix, and the simple ability to enjoy my walk after a couple of days of being preoccupied with training and other matters. And yes, I even managed to get a nice tan along the way. 

So yes, I’m thankful for many things today.

Grateful 15 Mar: Training (2)

Its the second and final day of my training, and another superbly intense day. But it was made easier for me by several things, such as the pre-training administrative preparations and a thoughtful gesture by my sister. I therefore give thanks for: 

• Pre-training preparations. For all training runs, there is usually a lot of administrative work to complete after the session. These include post-training reports for each individual learner, consolidation of process issues faced so that they can be fed back to the company, and so on. Today, I managed to complete all these within 3 hours after the end of the training. I am glad and thankful that I had actually completed most of these preparations even before the training itself, including the individual reports.  

• Lunch. Whenever I conduct training, food - or rather lunch - often becomes an issue. There is usually insufficient time to eat, given the need to prepare for the afternoon’s lesson, complete training admin, and so on. What I would usually do is order takeaway or cook something simple for myself. But today was particularly difficult given the need to handle some challenging learners. In the end, I ended up with no lunch at all. I was therefore very thankful when my sister dropped by with some afternoon snacks and placed it on the table. The snacks helped sustain me till dinner.

• Learners. I had a rather difficult learner in this run. Apart from a negative attitude, she had unrealistic expectations of wanting to learn “how to resolve all her workplace issues”. At one point, I felt her behaviour was affecting the other learners and I had to pull her aside to counsel her. I don't think I was too successful as she remained problematic till the end. Reflecting on the experience, however, I have to thank her the opportunity to practice mindfulness and to manage my own emotions while handling the situation. On the brighter side, there were also very positive learners who contributed generously. To these learners, I am grateful for their openness and participation. 

I ended the day close to 10pm after completing all the post-training administration, cleaning up the slides, and sending out the materials to the learners. Overall, I am glad to have successfully completed this run without too much of a hitch.

Grateful 14 Mar: Training (1)

I had a long and tiring day today, conducting another round of training. But it was also a fulfilling day, as always, because I know I am helping my learners learn. So here is my gratitude entry for today. 

• Morning walk. I woke up at 5:40am, as usual, whenever I have to conduct training. I need to be ready by 8:30am at the latest, and I know I will be too caught up with the training until the evening. So I woke up early to do my daily walk. While I do not particularly enjoy waking up early, I did enjoy the cool early morning walk at 6am before daybreak. Today was especially pleasant for several reasons. Firstly, it was the weekend, so there was no weekday traffic to contend with and the park was quiet. Also, the March school holidays have started, so many people have probably taken leave or are sleeping in later than usual. As a result, I was able to do my walk without being disturbed by the usual morning joggers or families. All these factors made my walk extra pleasant and I am thankful. 

• Training. I had delivered today’s topic several times, and am familiar with the content - so familiar that I can deliver it “artfully”. Nonetheless, I was glad that I made the effort to review the materials again to ensure that I was sufficiently refreshed on both the content and the activities. I am thankful that the effort paid off. I was able to share more real-life examples in addition to the rather difficult content that I was expected to deliver. I strongly feel that providing real-life examples and sharing my personal experiences helps learners connect better with the theories. 

• Learners. Most of the learners were new to the topic and found it challenging to keep up as the day went on. Thankfully, I was able to adjust my pace to better support them. The day ended well, with every learner saying that they were comfortable with the pace of delivery and activities, and that they had learned something from the session. Of course, the real test of my effectiveness will be tomorrow when they sit for the assessment. Let’s hope every single one of them passes. 

I am glad I had enough energy at the end of the day to go through all the activity slides that the learners developed during the session, and to make sure they can use them as references in the future. It was a long and tiring day, but a meaningful one. I look forward to Day 2 of the module tomorrow.