toto

was "volunteered" by my department to purchase tickets for the local toto draw. there's a s$10 million prize money to be won and everyone said people born of the horse year tend to have better luck… so, yours truly here got "volunteered" as a result. and becos i have never bought any toto ticket before, i have the beginners' luck too, so they claimed.

and each person in the department contributed s$5 to the pool. and one of my colleague went to the extend of writing down exactly how to buy. s$48 of system 7 bet and s$12 of normal bets. of cos, yours truly here, who have never bought toto tickets before walked into the shop feeling totally lost and simply handed over the paper (with instructions from my colleagues) to the cashier and told her to do what she needed to do according to the instructions. she stared at it, punch some numbers and handed me a total 8 tickets. heh...

and the draw happened last night. and...

we did not win any prize. 

so much for the beginners'  horse luck.

:-)

uncle

at the hospital today, the 20-plus year old nurse was so so so respectful. when she spoke to me, she started every sentence with "uncle"… 

and so, it was "uncle, how are you feeling today?" "uncle, how long was it since you had your chest pain?" "uncle, was it a dull pain or was it a sharp stabbing pain?" "uncle…" you got the gist of it.

donno if i should be happy or sad! 

lol!

whew! false alarm

my chest felt tight and occasionally painful over the last few days. today, it was so painful i couldn't really breath. i decided to pay a visit to the hospital accident & emergency department and was actually quite pleased with their sense of urgency. 

once i arrived, i was quickly tagged and send to the room to have an ecg done. and then i was send to the triage and before i knew it, i was called in to the doctor's room. after asking some questions, he concluded that it was likely due to strained muscle and not a heart attack per se. nonetheless, he ordered the usual blood test, x-ray and i was given some muscle relaxant.

the whole procedure lasted less than 2 hours before i was allowed to leave. been referred to a respiratory specialist to ascertain if there are any issues with my lungs.

:-)

dress sense

yesterday, i was heading for my breakfast when a nerdy guy walked passed. he was in executive wear. long sleeve white shirt, black belt, black pants, and............

yellow shoes!

arghhhhhhh! fashion gone totally wrong! made him look like a half-done joker character in some low cost batman movie!

here's some very basic dress tip: the colors of the shoes and belt must be co-ordinated (i.e., the same color)! as for executive wear, it would be good to be a little conservative and wear black leather shoes. yellow shoes are more suitable for dress down days with better matching outfits and/ or weekend casual wears.

chingay parade

singapore's annual chingay parade. an event that was started in 1973 to "compensate" the chinese community after fire crackers were banned. today, it has evolved to a multicultural international event reminiscent of the mardi gras but with a superbly huge dose of nationalistic messaging, racial harmony, one singapore and so on. 

i personally thought it would be more appropriate to hold it during the months of aug/ sep as part of the national day celebrations. in addition, it's probably fun to participate and watch from afar. but really, it's quite painful to watch up close. for me, at least. frankly, i still miss the simplicity and chineseness of the chingay processions of years ago. 

nonetheless, kudos to the organizers and performers for the efforts.

white fungus

i have enjoyed white fungus (tremella fuciformis) dessert for the longest time. one of my earliest memory of this fungus was during my officer cadet days in oct 1985 when we went to taiwan for our training. we had field exercises and i brought along a couple of cans of sweetened white fungus. it was one helluva refreshing and worked wonders after our non-stop trench-digging. and today, i decided to cook the white fungus dessert. it is supposed to help soothe a person's throat and clear the phlegm. and since mum and i had been coughing like crazy, i really hope this dessert helps. the picture of the water soaked white fungus is really pretty right?

:-)

dessert recipe

white fungus - one "flower"

water - 500ml - 1liter (depending on how much soup you like)

rock sugar (white) - to taste

panda leaves - 4-5 stalk (tear the pandan in the center and knot it up)

red dates (optional)

gingko nuts (optional)
dried longan (optional)
sprinkling of wolfberry (optional)

method

soak the white fungus for about 15min. once it soften, remove the hard central stem and cut to bite size. place the white fungus, dried longan, gingko nuts, lotus seeds, red dates and the knotted pandan leaves into a pot. add water and boil. once boiled, simmer for about 10-15min. remove the pandan leaves, add the rock sugar to taste. add wolfberries last as it cooks very fast. the wolfberries add a dash of color as well as contributes to the sweetness of the soup. cool the dessert, place it in the fridge and serve chilled.

enjoy!

(i don't know about you, but for me personally, plain white fungus with rock sugar is good by itself, no need all the rest! haha!)

never ending cough

i have noticed this in mum. she has this problem with coughing non-stop. it's been so for the last few months. and every time she was discharged from the hospital, there would always be some residual cough still present. and this cough would get worst, and then the phlegm would build up and in no time, she would be hospitalized again.

despite all the doctor's explanation that her hospitalization was due to water retention, asthma, pneumonia, bronchitis, etc etc etc… there was always one thing consistent - cough. and as always, i have tried to explain this to the doctors and every time, they would simply say, ok, we'll give her some cough mixture and she should be ok. darned! she is not ok!

as it is now, she is coughing like crazy again. her cough has gotten worst since her discharge 4 days ago. and thankfully, i have a couple of bottles of cough mixture that helped somewhat. but come evening, or mornings, or when there is a change in temperature, she would cough like no tomorrow! haiz… and talking about coughing, i have the same problem as mum… my cough has been with me since a couple of months back. and i am not really sure if there has been a case of non-stop cross transmission of the cough bug!

let's hope the change in the weather helps.

crooning aunties

was at the bedok market this morning and noted that a large set of speakers had been set up. and there were banners and flags put up too. apparently, the peoples' association (pa) had set up a karaoke session for residents.  the event must have been organized by the bedok grassroots for there were lots of aunties in red cheongsams walking around.

and before we knew it, these aunties starting singing. and soon enough, other aunties started to join in. it was interesting to watch and listen to these market-going aunties taking a break and crooning love songs, songs that i have never heard before and acting all emo nemo. on one hand, i could appreciate, encourage and enjoy seeing aunties (somehow the uncles stayed away) coming up front to perform publicly. yet on the other hand, it was quite painful (frankly speaking) for my breakfast was badly interrupted by out-of-tune screaming aunties and the equally elderly kj who seemed to be in a constant rush and cutting off the songs once the lyrics end… heh!

but that's singapore for all of us.

love it or hate it, it's home.

ps: and mum asked me after aunties belted quite a few songs: "what are they selling? business seemed very bad. nobody has bought anything from them!" hahaha!

outed by a friend

i have quite a few friends in my current fb friend list, both straight and gay friends. i used the word "current" fb account cos i had an earlier original account that was created it to "officially" connect with people. i had lots of friends and colleagues in that account and to allow me to better manage access to my postings, i created different groupings of friends, each with different levels of access to my postings and comments. i decided to go through that hassle cos i didn't want people in the forces to know much about my personal life.

i had since deleted that account. i decided to do so cos i had gotten too hooked on to fb. and added to that, i was overwhelmed by negativities that flooded many of my friend's posts. it was really depressing, not just from the content shared, but the realization that people you knew were capable of such thoughts! all the bitching, all the complains, etc especially during the days of the last general elections. at about the same time i created that "official account", i had also created a second "unofficial" account. the "unofficial" account was a shell and used primarily to "audit" the postings of the "official" account. and since deleting the "official" account, i have starting using the "unofficial" account and have rebuilt my friend list. i am now very selective about accepting friends for this account. this list now comprised friends who are generally closer to me. and i have kept this account simple and light. status updates and postings were short and sharp and all postings were deleted every few days. not many know, but this account served as a transit point for my thoughts and i would delete my postings once they are transferred over this blog.

anyway, i am making this posts to relate an incident that happened last week. a friend of mine outed me inadvertently by making a comment in one of my status updates (now my blog post on "sir, very pretty"). this friend, who is openly out to all his friends, posted a comment that went something along the line that perhaps my maid's gaydar was very strong. frankly, i wasn't uncomfortable with it. just kinda surprised that a comment like this could appear from a friend. for a short moment, i thought he was a little insensitive about such issues and dropped him a message. hey, did you not realized you outed me to my friends, i said. thought my mail caught him a little by surprise… oh, i am sorry, you can delete it… he said. i didn't bother for it was too late. fb had, by default, already looped everyone who had "liked" or had commented on my status updates with his comment. nonetheless, he apologized again and deleted his comment.

as i said, i was not offended by it. i am very comfortable with my own sexuality and wouldn't be too bothered about people knowing about me being gay. nonetheless, i cannot assume everyone in my friend list would be comfortable about having a gay friend. and from that perspective, i tend to be a little careful about telling people about my sexuality. for that matter, i do not see a need to declare my sexuality, just like how a straight person is not expected to go around telling people he/ she is straight. with regards the comment, one never know how comfortable the other person might be about his personal details when discussed in the cyberspace/ public domain. and from that angle, i do strongly believe everyone of us should be careful with our words and always err on the safe side when making comments about friends.

it is about self-awareness and respecting others.

no?

thanksgiving

we celebrated the birthday of the celestial god last night. the prayers ended at 1-plus in the morning and frankly, i am feeling a little sleepy now! haha… accordingly, the prayers to celebrate the event was done before midnight and we have to wait until midnight before we can burn the joss papers. this celebration is something that is done widely by hokkiens around the world and in my family, it was one of the major highlights every lunar new year. we did the prayers at my brother's place these days cos he has taken over the household altar. and to mum, this event is a must-have and she would make all efforts to ensure it is done.

there are many stories about the origins of this ritual and most revolved around how the hokkiens were persecuted by bandits and went into hiding in sugar cane plantations. the bandits couldn't find them and they eventually emerged from the sugar cane plantations unharmed. the day of the emergence coincided with the birthday of the celestial god and thus, to show their appreciations, offerings were made to the celestial god on that day since. lots of history, symbolism and culture behind this event. for example, sugar canes are a must and a pair of sugar cane is placed at the sides of the altar. the words for sugarcane in hokkien (kum jia) sounds like "thank you" (kum sia). and of cos all the items used for the prayers have their own meanings as well. shan't go into details, but suffice to say, this event is a special one particularly for hokkiens. and it is probably the only one the binds all hokkiens around the world as a clan.

:-)

power of the finger

frankly, one will never appreciate the things/ pleasures one's finger can deliver until he hurts it. and i am saying this as i hurt my right index finger yesterday. i was shredding the turnip to prepare for the lou hei (tossing of the raw fish salad or yú shēng) and i ended up scrapping a piece of skin/ meat off my finger tip. there was blood all over. it was terrible and messy. i only managed to arrest the bleeding after plastering it and applying pressure over the wound for some time.

and this morning, the finger felt terribly painful and i couldn't use it… sighs. and it was really one of the few moments when i felt a little handicapped. i couldn't scratch myself properly, type my keyboard, or for that matter, i couldn't even pick my nose! and certainly, when i shower, i couldn't use my hand to soap myself! really difficult!

and yes, since i am at the topic of the power of the finger, i actually posted the opening line of this blog in my facebook and soon after, a friend commented and said "mmm... so suggestive!" now what could he be thinking of? haha!

and oh, as i was checking the net for possible pictures to post in this blog, i came across this (see above). and if what was suggested in the picture is true, then i must be a perfectly super macho gay man! my ring finger is way longer than my index finger! haha… 

:-)

propositioned

i was at the pool this morning and apart from the naked uncle masturbating in public, i also got propositioned by someone! but before i talked about it, let me share some other small sightings too...

you see, i left the pool after tanning for some time and went to the changing room. it was a quiet morning and other than a tall chap, there wasn't many people when i entered the changing room. he had just arrived and was about to change into his trunks when i walked in. he must have been a little shy for he quickly took his trunks and went to the cubicle to change. i proceeded to hang my clothes and took out my toiletries. as i was about to head to my shower, the guy reemerged. he had changed into his trunks and… hmmm… against his swimming trunks, i could see he had a hard on! heh… i proceeded to take my shower as he quickly left the changing room for his swim. must be a newbie to get aroused so easily, i thought.

as i walked out of the shower room, i noted there were two ang mos (local lingo for caucasian) in the changing room. they looked mid/late-40s or perhaps even in their early-50s. then again, i donno. i can never tell for the thing about ang mos are that they tend to look older than they really are. anyway, the older one went to have his shower while the younger and slimmer one seemed to have completed his shower as he was drying himself. 

the ang mo who was drying himself, and who spoke french to his counterpart, was superbly well-endowed.  i knew it becos i had admittedly stolen a glance or two of him. heh! he then walked to the mirror and through the reflection, stared at me as he continued drying himself. and then he started fondling himself. and as he did so, it grew and wohhhh, his asset was really huge! must have been almost 8-9" and thick as a can of coke! there was no one else in the changing room at that time and he continued to work on his hard on… and next thing i knew, he walked towards me.

oh dear, that got me a little uneasy and i was not about to respond to him. i quickly changed up, packed my stuff and left. and as i walked out, he smiled at me. cheekily. invitingly. heh...

it was an interesting day at the pool!

superficiality

there was an article in a local news tabloid and i felt it was a tat too shallow for me… citing some studies, the article said good cyclists tend to be better-looking than people who participate in other sports. hmmm, statistics regardless, my experience tells me the statement is not true! to me, such studies, regardless of how scientific the authors claimed, are disputable for there are always areas that are subjective including sample size, where the sampling is done, definition of good-looking, and so on.

and i can dispute that claim cos for a start i know many not-too-good looking cyclist! (or maybe they are just not "good" enough?) heh… also, if i may just shallowly add - i do know good-looking weightlifters, extreme sports enthusiasts, swimmers, gymnasts, divers, la la la... and they are definitely much hotter than the cyclists i know! 

lol!

ps: i posted this in my facebook and jason (of old new journey) commented. i absolutely love his comment. he simply said "you are absolutely fugly" yet sounded so smooth about it! this was his comment: "not true!!! one can have good endurance yet is with a face that only a mother can love!!! hahaha"

naked uncle

i went to the pool today after my chiro treatment. had taken a day's leave and had decided to spend my time relaxing by the pool. it was a nice cool and sunshiny morning, perfect for a tan. i arrived there at about half-past nine and headed straight to the changing room to change up.

there was this familiar guy tanning at the corner of the pool reading the newspaper. this guy has been a regular at the pool and had been visiting the pool for the last many many years. the thing about this guy, who looked in his 50s, was that he like to expose himself and often wears a g-string. and everyone who tans at the pool knew that this uncle likes to use a small towel to cover his privates as he tans.

i proceeded to my usual tanning spot and made myself comfortable before taking out my newspaper to catch up on the days' news. and then, uncle took off his trunks and started tanning in the nude! he continued to do so even as a few filipino maids stood nearby and chatted away. i was amazed by his nonchalant attitude to these people. on one hand, i was amazed by his dare, yet on the other hand, i was kinda pissed off by him. if someone were to make a complain about him, i am sure it would reinforce the general public's already skewed views about gays.

for a short moment, i wondered if his public display of his nudity was directed at me instead. whatever the case, i didn't bother and continued to read my papers. and moments later, uncle started masturbating! aiyoh… anyway, uncle continued with his display of nudity for a while more. he left an hour later…

seeking friends

out of nowhere, i got a message from a fellow forum member. he asked if i would be keen to befriend him and whether i would be ok to go running with him around my area.

it was kinda interesting to get such messages from unknown people. of cos, the natural response for me was to quickly check out this profile and see his postings. i had hoped to know him better and see if i can get to know his stats, age, profile etc. i supposed that is the superficial-side of me.

the next thing i knew, i asked - why me? heh heh… that, i admit, was the insecure-side of me. a list of questions ran through my mind as i checked out his postings. why me? what did he see in me? does he know i am 48+ years old? what if he backs off once i knows my age? he seemed like a good runner, what if i cannot match up to him during our runs? haha… i think too much. much too much for my own good sometimes.

and i reminded myself not to be so self-conscious. just reply and see what comes out of it. it's always good to make new friends. even then, i must say, i still feel a little nervous about knowing new people.

:-)

lou hei!!!

my chief bought us a department lunar new year lunch wednesday, the seventh day of the lunar new year. this day was commemorated as the "human day" and celebrated as every human being's birthday. 

in singapore (and malaysia), a routine thing for everyone to do was to toss the yú shēng (鱼生 or raw fish salad). the character 鱼 (yú) itself sounds like 余 or "excess" and 生 (shēng) sounds like 升 or (increase/ promote). put together it means "grow in excesses" aka prosperity and wealth. haha… chinese people, so full of crap! but hey, that defines our chineseness! no?

haha… ok, back to our department lunch. it was a 10-course lunch and given that there were 12 of us, my boss decided to order 4 more dishes. and we literally ate and ate and ate till we were all so stuffed! so much for the excesses right?! for that matter, we were already quite full after the first tossing of the yú shēng! and at the rate we were going, we would all be growing excesses at places that we want slim! 

we had had a superbly good lunch!

mum discharged

after 2 days of "false alarms", mum was finally discharged. this marked the end of her seventh hospital stay in 6 months (since aug 13). 

:-)

pretty me

i wore a new shirt to work this morning and my maid, whose england was quite powderful, commented: "today, sir very pretty"...

doh!

about lo kun & meesee

well since i talked about the "lo kun" in my previous post, i think i should say something about nurses too. after all, they medical and the nursing profession coexists and never can be separated.

"meesee" is the hokkien version of "miss" cos in the old day, the ah pek (old chinese men who were largely migrant laborers) didn't know how to pronounce "miss" when they addressed nurses. thus, what came out was "meesee". of cos these days we no longer address nurses as "miss" but the term "meesee" stayed on. and interestingly, given that nurses were primarily female in the old days, there was no male equivalent term for nurses. but today, this term "meesee" has become a noun, and is applicable to both male and female nurses. as for doctors, the term "lo kun" is the ah pek version of "locum" cos ah pek didn't know how to pronounce the word "locum".  this word refers to stand in doctors as patients were attended by locum in lieu of the main consultants. similarly, this word no longer refers to "locum" but all doctors. 

lastly, the singapore general hospital is known as "sipaipor" as the ah pek could pronounce the name of the place where the general hospital was located - sepoy lines. and of cos, it was called sepoy lines because the area used to be the sepoy garrison, a camp for indian/ sepoy troops.

lo kun

during her stay in the hospital, the doctors would do their rounds and visit mum every morning. and yesterday, i had the chance to talk to the team of doctors that attended to her. it was kinda interesting to try to differentiate and to explain the different categories of doctors to mum. to her all these years, there were young doctors and old doctors; as there were doctors with white tags and doctors with black name tags… 

and in recent years, due to specialization and better knowledge of the various levels of doctors, it has gotten increasingly difficult to use hokkien (my dialect group) terms to explain to her what these levels are. so now, to differentiate between the different seniority of doctors, we use the following descriptions:

• houseman - "hak seng lo kun" (literally in hokkien, it means "student doctor")
• medical officers - "ghing na lo jun" (children doctor - but not a pediatrician. the word "children" is used to describe a doctor who is still young in the profession)
• consultant - "tua lo kun" (big doctors - doctors who are high-ranking)

:-)

staying on in the ward...

two days ago, one of the medical officer came to examine her. and he told her that if all are ok, she could be discharged the next day (i.e. yesterday). and with this input, she was so excited and started telling my sis about the news. when she related the news to me, i wasn't too excited about it. i wanted an official call from either the doctor or the nurse-in-charge, otherwise, i would simply take it as doctor-patient chat, and that mum could possibly have misunderstood the doctor. i queried on which doctor and she told me he was an south-asian doctor and a very young one. i told her that she should not take the input as a fact until there is further confirmation by means of a call or an written discharge summary.

sometime later, the consultant arrived. he was accompanied by the team of doctors (including the south-asian doctor) that spoke with her earlier in the morning. after examining her, he told me that she was still not well and needed to stay for another few days. he added that the suitability for discharge would have to depend on whether she could breathe normally without the oxygen supply, and that it would be assessed on a daily basis. and for now, it seemed like she still cannot be weaned off the oxygen supply.

mum looked a little disappointed but accepted the input. she had no choice.

sad for the maid

lying in the next bed beside mum, there is this old lady and her maid. the maid is from the philippines. but interestingly, she has learned to speak bits of malay and uses the language to converse with the old lady. the old lady has dementia and was warded yesterday.

and since their arrival, i have seen the maid fussing over the old lady. and the old lady was certainly a very difficult person. her behavior reminded me a little of mum somehow. how she insisted on the maid eating half of everything the maid gave her, and how difficult she was when it came to taking her medication. and it was quite pitiful to see the maid tend to the old lady. i could sense her exasperation. and once a while, the maid would lament how she needed so much of a stamina to manage the old lady.

this morning, when i visited mum at the hospital, i had the chance to speak to the maid. and from her, i came to understand that she had been looking after the old lady for the last 5 years. she also shared how all her children have given up on her becos of her dementia and have not bothered about her. this probably explained why no one visited her since her arrival and that the only person with the old lady was the maid. the maid spoke with me as she fed the old lady, chatted with her, cajoled her, comforted her and stayed by her side. and all the while, the old lady behaved like a spoilt kid and the maid had to fuss over the need to eat, to drink and to take her medicine. i felt a little sorry for the maid frankly. but well, i supposed she has gotten used to the old lady.

when i arrived at the ward this evening, it was really crowded. there were close to 15 people crowding around the old lady's bed. it was unusual for the hospital would only allow more than 4 visitors only for serious cases. i walked closer and was surprised to see the old lady being put on oxygen mask and she was in a semi-conscious state. from the few conversation, i learned that the visitors included the old lady's husband, her siblings, children and grandchildren. all of them were standing in layers around the bed and the whole atmosphere was very solemn. i looked around and saw the maid. she was standing at the outermost layer and she was quietly watching.

i asked my maid what happened and was told the old lady will likely pass away tonight or latest tomorrow. that very moment, i felt sad for the maid. she's the closest to the lady in terms of managing her and looking after her every needs, 24/7. yet at the time of her passing, she's furthest away. i could almost experience how she felt.

that's the life of a maid, i supposed.

i respect her for the patience with the old lady. and i am sad to see her standing outside the family circle. but that is the life of a maid.

let's hope the lady go easily and not drag, if her time is indeed up.

oops! she did it again

it happened a couple of times 2-3 years back, took a break last year and this year, it happened again. this time round, it was the nian gao (年糕)! yes! i am referring to my dog, sapphie, eating the new year stuffs i placed on the table. and learning from previous experiences (2012, 2011), i had not placed the bak kwa (preserved sweetened barbecue meat) on the table. but this year...

i came back from breakfast and found the nian gao (whatever was left on it) lying on the floor. and the banana leaves that was used to wrap it strewed all over the floor. and needless to say, a guilty-looking sapphie looking at me. it was the same scene as last year when she walloped a whole lot of rice dumpling!

anyway, buying the  nian gao for lunar new year was something we used to do in my old place. and we would offer it to the tua pek kong (大伯公) and place it on the altar annually when we sent him off to the heavens. but since i do not install such altar in my current place, i have adapted the practice by putting a nian gao on my table in the living room every lunar new year. after all, i do subscribe to the symbolic nature of the  nian gao as it represents 步步高升 (or constant  promotions/ progress/ improvements).

darn! if i am a superstitious person, it looks like this year will see no improvements or progress for me! haha! but one thing's for sure. she'll be having a bad tummy soon.

my crazy dog gives me new surprises every year.

haiz...

金雞sss

went to watch 金雞sss (golden chicken sss) earlier with bee.

it's a comedy released in time for the 2014 lunar new year celebrations and a loose sequel from another show (金雞) that was screened some 10 yrs or more back. had watched the first show with (my ex) james at that time and thought it was very funny. this time round, the show didn't impress me as much, especially the story and the pace of the movie. while it was promoted as a comedy, there were too many serious bits inserted throughout the show, especially after the middle. and the pace somehow turn a little too draggy for me when that happened. and it didn't help that the version we watched was a mandarin-dubbed over version. the show ended up having bits in cantonese and bits in mandarin. and such dubbing usually rob the show off some additional jokes that could only be brought across in the cantonese language.

but of cos, i was rather impressed with the cast, considering the fact that almost every big names and the who's who in the hong kong scene appearing (although everyone had aged significantly). and if you intend to watch it, continue to watch the running credits for there was a surprise appearance by another big name.

:-)

in again

mum felt unwell again today. nonetheless, she insisted on going to the columbarium to pay respects to dad and grandparents. we did that first thing in the morning. second sis came along and surprisingly, the columbarium was quite crowded. we came home at about 11plus in the morning and once we arrived at the condo car park, she vomited again. brought her home and wash up and send her in to the hospital straightaway.

this was the second time in two days that she vomited. when she vomited yesterday, i wanted to bring her in but she insisted she was ok. i knew she didn't like to visit the hospital for she knows that she would be warded. also, if i understood her well enough, she wanted to do the reunion dinner and cross the lunar new year at home, and to do prayers to dad and grandparents today. when she vomited again (after all the prayers) today, i suggested heading to the hospital and she agreed. she's in the critical care ward as i am blogging this entry and i have been told she needs to be admitted. 

thinking about it, it reminded me of dad's 100th day prayers. at that time, she insisted on doing the prayers for him and had moved back to stay with my brother, where an altar had been set-up for dad. she was so insistent on doing the prayers but on the 99th day, her body gave way and she had to be admitted. this time round, my brother had told her he would be offering prayers to my dad for the new year, but he refused to do the same for my grandparents as he had been harbouring lots tensions towards my uncle and aunties. and so she kept pestering me to do the prayers instead.

sighs.

internet chicken

i think i am getting old. 

earlier, after my reunion dinner, i brought mum to changi airport for a walk. and i saw a sign at t1 that reads "internet chicken"… this sign totally confused me. i couldn't make head or tail out of it for that moments.

some few seconds later, as i walked closer to the sign, i realized it was "internet check-in"…

lol!

lny vs cny

i have stopped using the phrase "chinese new year" since a few years ago. instead, i prefer to use "lunar new year". i thought "lunar new year" is a more accurate description of the festival and appropriate for us in singapore. significantly, it does not carry a race-angle to it. well, it is true that this festival has its roots in chinese people. but to simply call it "chinese new year" kinda make it sound so superbly superficial.

firstly, the chinese diaspora is such a complex community of people. and frankly, many descendants of chinese people from mainland chinese that migrated out of china had cross-married people of other races and no longer look nor speak chinese although they still observe this festival today. so the use the term "chinese" can be a misnomer. 

as for the term lunar new year, i thought is suits us in south east asia well. we do not have 4 seasons. and so, to refer to it as "spring festival" like how the mainland chinese do today seemed a little weird. so, what better way to refer to it than "lunar new year". it is, after all, a festival that is celebrated on the first day of the first lunar month of the year right? lol!

so… yeah, happy lunar new year to one and all.

mum's discharged

mum was discharged from hospital 2 days ago. it was her sixth hospitalization in as many months. so much so that the hospital staff all knew her. 

well… i am not sure if it is the lunar new year, but mum has been rather unwell today. i think she could be anxious about the new year despite her denying it. and she kept asking me questions like when is reunion dinner, whether i will be working today or not, whether she would be required to head to the rehab center, whether i will be cooking, what would i be cooking etc etc etc. and today, she said she wanted to pay respects to my dad and my grandparents tomorrow and asked me to purchase some joss papers. had to go around to hunt for it cos most shops had closed by then. 

anyway, this morning while i was at work, she vomited. and when i returned with lunch, she couldn't really eat and i had to cook her white porridge. she rested for the whole of today as i went about cooking and doing all the dinner preparations. she made the effort to eat the reunion dinner despite claiming she was unwell. to her, this evening's dinner was significant. it was reunion dinner after all.

and yes, talking about reunion dinner, i think she was a little disappointed about not being able to join my brother for the dinner this evening. what happened was that 2 days ago, my sis-in-law asked me if i wanted to join them for reunion dinner and i told her i would consult my mum first. but immediately after she hung up, my brother called my mum telling her that we should not cos he is still sick. mum had been talking about it non-stop since. 

well… she retired early this evening.

let's hope she's ok tomorrow.

preparation for lny

this year's preparations for the lunar new year was almost non-existent for me.

and this is becos i now have a domestic help and she had been busy washing my curtains, bed sheets, mopping the floor, digging every nooks and crevices for dust etc etc etc. and she did all these without me prompting her!

and so, my focus this year was in getting the cookies, a little decor here and there and cooking some traditional dishes for the reunion dinner…

easy peesy.

:-)

wedding dinners

i never like to attend wedding dinners these days. and i say so becos in recent years, all the wedding dinners seemed so childish. all the games, the toasts… even the bride and the groom seemed child-like. or perhaps i have outgrown them.

but last weekend was different. i attended a wedding of two friends. it was interesting cos when i arrived, the reception ladies asked me are you with the guy or the lady's side? i was like errrr, both? anyway, both of them worked with me when i did a tour in the headquarters in 2001. at that time, they were young. in their early-20s, for that matter. and interestingly one reported to the other. we went through all sorts of challenges and we worked pretty well as a team. and after i left, we kept in contact. and through the years, while they dated, they kept their relationship secret. but to me, i kinda suspected all along that they were going together… i could probably guess why they felt awkward. the guy was a non-commissioned officer, while the lady was a senior officer. but to me, it didn't matter. i thought they were very happy being in each others company. and it was only a couple of years back when they started posting their holiday pictures together that they finally came out to everyone about their relationship (or perhaps to me! haha...)

and i have time and again hinted (and later asked) when they would be getting married. and it was only last year that the guy finally broke the news to me. i happily accepted his invite. and when i attended the wedding, i was near tearing. seeing them walked into the ballroom and onto the stage, i felt a lump in my throat. for that moment, i understood how parents feel when they see their children get married. while our age gap wasn't that great, i felt almost like a parent cos i have watch them grow over the last 12-13 years. and in that sense, i felt like a parent. lol! and i didn't think their wedding was childish at all. in fact, seeing two persons in their 30s getting married, the whole affair seemed so dignified, mature and celebratory. there were certainly no rowdy games, no noisy bridesmaid and best men. i hadn't enjoyed a wedding dinner so much for a very long time.

i wish them well, from the bottom of my heart.

:-)

ikea

i wanted to head down to ikea to purchase some picture frames for my office when i received a call from a long time friend. he has been based overseas for the last decade and had just returned for a business trip and he wanted to arrange a meet up for a meal sometime. oooh, such good timing too i thought… and i ended up having dinner with him at ikea!

and aiyoh… despite being a monday, ikea was totally packed! well, the ikea eatery, that is. the queue extended all the way to outside and the tables were all filled. and for the few that was unoccupied, they were reserved by people who placed all sorts of things on it - tissues, umbrella, bags, and so on… and i was like - omg! how could this be right? it's not like as though ikea has top notch 5-star food! sighs… then again, when i thought about it, what right do i have to talk about people when i myself was there for dinner!? 

haha!

exposé

i went to the pool this morning for a quick tan before heading to the hospital to visit my mum. and wohhhh…

it was only about 10-plus in the morning and the pool was already so filled with gay men. i walked into the changing room and there were a couple of them inside and of cos, i could straight away feel the tensions of the roving and cruising eyes. felt a little awkward cos it was clear that once i walked in, i was already stripped visually by one or two of them inside. i quickly changed up and left the changing room. and…

i was shocked (or surprised) when i arrived at the pool. almost all the tan decks were already filled with gays (yup, you know they were gay just by looking at their teeny weeny sexy-looking trunks). and there were only two tan decks left at the far end. i occupied the second last one next to another guy who was lying supine with his face covered with a towel. he had a slight beard and he was lean and muscled but from whatever that was not covered by his towel, he seemed pretty good-looking. but what caught my attention was that his trunk was so small his glans protruded partly out of his trunks! aiyoh! and he seemed so nonchalant about it and continued his tanning without giving a hood about who walked past him.

and it was kinda weird and totally wrong, at least from my perspective, cos i was reading a book about anger management and it was written by a buddhist nun. so needless to say, it felt so terribly wrong to be reading something that constantly made reference to buddhism and at the same time being distracted by the male anatomy peeking out of the trunk!

and before i knew it, one other chap came (ok, no puns here, better if i use "arrived") and took up the last tan deck next to me. he was fully clothed and started to undress as he arranged his stuff neatly beside his tan deck. he was a superbly thin chap and was almost bones! quickly, he too lied down and tanned face up. and my-oh-my… he was aroused. and i could literally count his pulse rate by looking at his anatomy… and this was a superbly interesting chap for he constantly changed from an aroused and back to his flaccid state every few minutes. kinda funny i must say…

so there you have it! two guys lying beside me and distracting me with their manhood while i was trying to read a book. total disconnect and distracted… and it felt so right and wrong at the same time! go figure!

lol!

face mask/ moisturizer pack

showed bee the water sleeping pack that my chiro bought for me when he went for holiday and bee was like… where in the world would a man buy another man facial products! he must be gay la! bee is so funny. but well… my chiro is straight but he is just so so so in touch with his feminine side. and he got me the pack for my birthday last month la...

and of cos, i like to complement him on his looks, his hair, his dress sense, the choice of material for his shirt, etc etc etc… and he is pretty happy with my complements. 

he is such a nice person!

:-)

ps: and oh, the sleeping pack is really nice. slap on a layer over the face, go to sleep and wake up with nice soft skin… and yes, the nice scent really soothes and relaxes you too!

filipino men are hot!

there were so many eye candies in the philippines!

haha… i was desperately trying to control my roving eyes when i visited the philippines over the week! for that matter, my gaydar was totally non-functional from going overdrive. there were so many men and all of them looked really gorgeous! and it didn't help for the fact that filipino men are so totally in touch with their feminine side! hahaha…

ok, ok… pardon me for indulging in my shallow-self for the quick moment. but really, as much as i hate to generalize, i think there are really more good-looking and suave guys in the philippines than say singapore or malaysia. could it be that they have that exotic "neither asian, neither caucasian" look? have always found such "mixed-blood look" to be really good. then again, this is a personal view and you may not agree.

that aside, i do acknowledge that filipinos, despite all the negative publicity about their greed, their being disorganized, etc etc… they are really very nice and warm people. very easy-going and very hospitable.

always enjoy interacting with them.

:-)

what a trip!

my trip to the philippines was on the whole ok. in fact, it was a really satisfying trip, considering the huge success and happy feel i got by the end of the training. nonetheless, amongst all my previous work trips, this trip had one of the most cock-ups.

for a start, i was cheated on my way to the hotel. what happened was, i landed in the philippines and took a cab to my hotel with my colleague. halfway through the journey, the cab driver told us that since we were picked up from the airport and had booked the cab from the taxi desk, the charges would a based on a flat rate per person. and he held up a very formal looking card and passed it to us. it indicated 1250 pesos per person from terminal (naia) to my destination at pasik. being new to the place, my colleague and i paid up. it cost us 2500 pesos for that trip. we found out from another colleague that if we had insisted on him turning on the meter, it would cost us no more than 500 pesos. damned it! it was a bloody bad start for me for the trip.

and then when i arrived at the hotel and wanted to iron my work clothes, i found out that the hotel do not provide the iron and the ironing board. oops… and i ended up having to sprinkle my work shirt with water and used the hair dryer to dry it, hoping that it would at least straighten up the shirt a little bit. the next day, i had to wear a crumpled shirt to give training. i was so bloody self-conscious about my turn-out!

also, when i was about to retire for the night after hair-drying my shirt, i realized i did not bring my toothpaste. so, not only did i not brush my teeth with the toothpaste for the night, i couldn't do it the next morning too. i was at least lucky that i had my toothbrush and the fact that i had tons of lozenges which i took to freshen my mouth!

and becos i did not expect to spend much for the trip, i only changed a small amount of money. and because i was cheated of my money, i ended up having to use my visa through the day. and just before i left, i had to change some more money in order to pay my tax!

and thinking about it now, it was certainly very eventful, yet rather funny!

lol!

mum hospitalized

i arrived home from my trip to the philippines at 1.45am and found mum sleeping in the living room sofa. i knew something was wrong right away. i woke her up and asked her to retire to the bedroom but she refused, insisting that she was comfortable. i left her to sleep there and went to bed. and this morning, i learned from the maid that mum's leg gave way last evening and she ended up sitting onto the floor. the maid had to pull her up onto the wheelchair in the end. i decided to bring her to the hospital. and as per previous visits, she was admitted in to the ward right away.

haiz…

then again, it was good for me cos it gave me the chance to rest and to talk to the maid. i had to explain to the maid about mum's condition and to tell her not to take things to heart. was glad she understood.

:-)

new page - travel

have decided to create a new page called "travel" instead of always having to create a new blog post whenever i travel. this way, i need not duplicate my post over and over again, just to add a new trip. so… yup, have just returned from the philippines.

and that adds to another destination completed for me…

:-)

travel list - an update

here's my updated travel-log…

2014
jan - indonesia (jakarta)

2013
may - philippines (clark)
jul - malaysia (kl)
aug - indonesia (jakarta)
oct - indonesia (jakarta)

2012
nil

2011
feb - malaysia (jb)
jun - malaysia (jb)
oct/ nov - china (hong kong sar)

2010
may - malaysia (jb)
oct - indonesia (bintan)
nov - indonesia (jakarta)
dec - united arab emirates (abu dhabi, dubai)

2009
jun/jul - australia (perth, cervantes, margaret river, augusta, walpole, denmark, pemberton, manjimup, albany, hyden, corrigin, york, fremantle, joondalup)
jul - malaysia (malacca)
sep - malaysia (malacca)
nov - malaysia (jb)

2008
jun - thailand (phuket)
oct - malaysia (malacca, kuala lumpur)
dec - malaysia (cameron highlands, malacca)

2007
apr - malaysia (malacca)
apr - china (beijing)
jun - australia (perth)
aug - vietnam (hanoi, haphong)
aug - indonesia (jakarta, bandung)
dec - china (shanghai)

2006
apr - malaysia (kl)
jun - australia (sydney)
aug - thailand (bangkok)
sep-oct - indonesia (jakarta, bandung, lembang)
oct - thailand (bangkok)
dec - china (hong kong)

2005
feb - thailand (bangkok)
mar - malaysia
may - thailand (bangkok)
jun - indonesia (bintan)
jul - indonesia (bintan)
sep - indonesia (bintan)
oct - malaysia (kl)
nov - malaysia (jb, malacca)
nov - indonesia (bintan)
dec - taiwan (taipei)

2004
feb - taiwan (kaoshiung)
mar - taiwan (kaoshiung)
jun-dec - states (whole of florida, new york, chicago / illinois, etc)
dec - china (shanghai, hangzhou)

2003
jun - australia (sydney)
sep-oct - taiwan (taipei)
dec - s korea (seoul, sorat, incheon)

2002
jun - england (london, oxford, stratford upon avon, leeds, manchester, scarborough, windermere, etc)

2001
mar - states (california [la, sfo], new york)
may - taiwan (whole)
may - malaysia
jul - states (san diego)
dec - malaysia

2000
jun - australia (sydney)
dec - indonesia (bintan)

1999
feb - indonesia (jember)
may - england (london, brighton)
jun - malaysia
oct - japan (tokyo)

1998
mar - malaysia
jun - malaysia
sep - new zealand (christchurch)
nov - new zealand (christchurch, auckland)

1997
jun - indonesia (bintan, batam)
jun - thailand (bangkok, pattaya)
nov - switzerland (zurich, lucerne), israel (jerusalem)

pre-1997
lots of places but mainly in asia. these include east and west malaysia (lost count), taiwan (almost every city/town you can think of, lost count), hong kong (twice?), australia brisbane, sydney, melbourne (1994), thailand (bangkok, kanchanaburi, chiangmai, chiangrai) (lost count), indonesia (bintan, batam, jember, surabaya) (trice?), brunei (lost count), philippines (metro manila, cabanatuan city) (1995), etc etc etc...

emotional abuse

didn't feel good when i saw how mum gave the maid the black face. how she spoke rudely to the maid. and despite communicating in hokkien, i still didn't agree with how insensitive she was when she made a lot of negative remarks about the maid's behavior after she noticed her talking to other maids at the rehab center and using the phone at night, etc… to me, her complains sounded like the tensions she had with my previous maid and  reeked so much of my brother's unkind words about her. my brother had time and again frowned upon and many a time chided my previous maid for talking to other foreign maids at the market, when she spoke on the phone at night, etc. to him, he strongly believed that all these would influence the maid negatively. and apart from chiding her, my brother would also complained to my mum about it. mum had since learned to framed these as absolute no-nos over time for maids.

for me, while i do not actively encourage her to socialize, i am actually glad that she did. i strongly believe that maids are human after all and has their own needs to connect with people. and i would leave her to do as she please during her free time as long as she does her work well. but these are things that i cannot convinced mum about. and despite explaining to her my point of view, mum could only remember what my brother told her. and so i have to end up listening to mum's complains constantly. its very unfair to the maid and certainly very very regrettable. nonetheless, i did not intervene much when mum made all these allegations but simply tried to change the topic as much as i could. i couldn't risk having mum suspecting me of being in cahoots with the maid at this point in time. and to make things worst, i could not talk to the maid alone without mum getting suspicious. and so, i  had to find opportunities whenever i could to explain to the maid about mum's condition and that mum didn't mean all the things she said. thankfully, the maid is understanding and took it in stride. i believe that by now, my maid is able to play along with what i do/ say and take my cues.

let's hope things stay ok.

:-)

wonton killings

felt totally disgusted reading sumiko's (a journalist on a local newspaper) reflections about creepy crawlies and the pleasures she derived from killing them. and how she justified her actions by the sufferings she went through during a previous dengue experience.

come on, these animals are only doing what they are doing. they were simply feeding themselves! we should be reflecting on our own habits if we so not want them to invade our space. keep your space clean and you won't have ants and roaches, prevent stagnant water and you won't have mozzies, work together as a community and you won't have epidemics... darned!

it's a simple cause and effect kinda thing. perfect asymmetric warfare is when we human wage measures against the helpless creatures of nature when we ourselves were the cause of the very problems we are facing.

when will we ever learn?

picture from http://gizmodo.com/5921071/how-to-keep-mosquitoes-out-of-your-yard

bad inglish

an interesting reflection... sometimes, you tend to believe the things you read more if it is expressed in super duper bad english. here's what i mean.

recently, i did a google search on "horse 2014 forecast". i was curious about experts' forecasts of me this coming year after my boss told me it would not be a good one for me. that search led me to many links, many of which were written in excellent english. as i read, it struck me how similar all of them sounded. and after a while, i got somewhat "desensitized" to all the things they wrote. it's like as though the different authors had plagiarized a common source. but the content of one particular link caught my attention. and it did so becos of its bad english. and it was precisely becos of its bad english that made it sound so authentically chinese. and for that very reason, it became so much more credible.

it was funny. but certainly, and most objectively, i did not mean to discredit any well-written content. i was, and still am, sure they must have their own grounds and reasons for what they wrote.

:-)

the legend of hercules

bee and i went for hercules the legend earlier on. and i felt so terribly shallow as i watched the show. yes, i admit it. i was looking at the chiseled bodies of the men and hoping that during the fights, the loin cloths of one or two of the actors drop off, or whether the male lead had any hard on as he made out with the girl…

then again, apart from that, there was really nothing much i could say about the show. well… there were lots of stone-faced actors, bad acting, lousy computer effects, weak story line… you name it, you have it. and certainly, it was nothing really new. after all, all the recent greek mythology productions have been almost equally lousy. and oh, before i forgot, if i were to believe what was depicted in the show, somehow, once an ancient greek person becomes king, he would have thunderous husky voice and chiseled bodies. 

:-)

year of the horse

bad year looming ahead…

hmmm...

half a million!

i spend half a million for dinner yesterday! well. ok, in rupiah...

woke up early at 3am and flew to jakarta to conduct training for my indonesian office. and by the time i finished my training, i felt so totally exhausted.

and my staff and i decided to buy ourselves a good dinner. after walking around, we decided on japanese and guess what? haha! we just ordered like the food was free! give us one of this, and this, and this, and that, and that... and we ended up ordering something like 8-9 dishes. and i had 2 beers! downing of cold beer after a day of exhausting work can really perk a person up!!!

and when the bill came, it read idr571600!

but well, objectively speaking, it only worked out to about s$60-over.

lol!

lost my voice

after 3 days of non-stop training, meeting and interacting with people, i feel totally drained. and through these 3 days, i kept losing my voice and couldn't talk properly... having a bad stuffy nose and coughing now.

have just seen the doctor and he advised not to take spicy food, fried stuffs, drink lotsa warm water and rest. and given a days' mc to do so.

:-)

repaired car

i got my car back after 6 days.

and i must say this - although the car is very much the same, after 6 days of being in the workshop, it smells different, it feels different and somehow, there is a certain level of unfamiliarity created.

need to get to know my car all over again...

anxiety kicked in...

it's about mum again. her anxiety kicked in quite significantly this week.

i could only suspect it was due to my heading to jakarta to work on thursday for a day. and added to that, my brother told her his children had come down with the flu but asked her not to visit to prevent cross infection. and then she noticed the maid spoke to other maids at the rehab center and started to imagine how the maid would turn bad. by tuesday, she started to imagine all sorts of things and as a result, began to withdraw. the rehab center staff said she looked unwell and asked if she was ok. this in turn caused her be convinced that something was wrong with her...

all these developments ended with her avoiding food that the maid prepare (remember? the exact same thing happened with my previous maid due to my brother convincing my mum that once the maid talks to people, she would turn bad, steal things, bring men home, etc). and she started to suspect the maids' motive for praying at night before she sleeps (my mum had suspected my previous maid of casting spells on her bed). and she started to also chant and repeatedly said how she would seek protection from the gods and from the buddha... and on the evening before i depart, she refused to sleep on her bed and instead wanted to sleep on the sofa in the living room. took a bit of coaxing to get her into her room. and certainly, it did not help that through these developments, my brother kept reminding her that when i go overseas, she must lock the doors, windows, and lock my stuff so that the maid doesn't steal yadda yadda yadda... good intentions but served to add to the messed up mind of mum.

it was stressful to have to manage her as i tried to balance my own work stress. but well, thankfully, things are ok today.

:-)

iphone 5s

i received a voucher from my mobile subscriber that offered me a s$120 discount for a handset upgrade early this week. and as i walked around the shopping center after dinner, i decided me to drop by the shop to check on my eligibility to re contract and to upgrade my handset... and i walked out of the shop with a new iphone 5s!

here's a summary of the perks i got that made me decide to get a new phone... s$120 voucher, s$50 special discount for upgrading, monthly additional savings of s$10 for re-contracting my plan and converting it to a corporate individual scheme. and i walked off paying only s$108 for a new iphone 5s!

heh...

nice!

ps: it was funny how the sales assistant responded when i asked what colors they had. she said: oh we have the gold and the black left. i do recommend for you to take the black one cos it looked more manly. haha… she should see how my eyes involuntarily rolled. i was almost going to ask if they have pink iphone 5c! ok ok, i was just joking!

target of ventilation

the thing with being a hr person who conducts training for the company is that i constantly get people throwing their frustrations at me.

and this was especially so when i run programs related to corporate identity and culture. just conducted one such program this week and it was attended by some senior staff, more senior than me for that matter. and regrettably, these senior staff chose to throw all their frustrations with their bosses and the lack of answers to their queries about their issues on me. why did the company preach this value while i don't see it being practiced by my bosses, my bosses this, my bosses that... such responses came fast and furious.

well, from a trainer perspective, it is not uncommon to get such reactions from course participants, and i have learned to deflect this questions over time. but when such attitude and unreasonable (to me) questioning and bombardments arose from senior people, i think there is a real cause of concern, both at the individual-level and at the organizational-level. it suggests immaturity and lack of team spiritedness. worst still, when such behaviors resulted in other course participants joining in and herd instinct kicks in, things can get pretty messy and stressful.

i sometimes ask myself why did i get myself into this shit. then again, and from another perspective, i told myself these are excellent learning opportunities. it helped me improve my abilities to engage trainees.

so... push on! push on!

ganbatte!

whew!

end of a crazy week for me.

am taking mc today. lost my voice and stuffy nose. supposed i did not have enough rest for my throat coupled with constant exposure to people with flu that made me sick...

will need to take a rest over the weekend. having another crazy week ahead and cannot afford to be sick...