outed by a friend

i have quite a few friends in my current fb friend list, both straight and gay friends. i used the word "current" fb account cos i had an earlier original account that was created it to "officially" connect with people. i had lots of friends and colleagues in that account and to allow me to better manage access to my postings, i created different groupings of friends, each with different levels of access to my postings and comments. i decided to go through that hassle cos i didn't want people in the forces to know much about my personal life.

i had since deleted that account. i decided to do so cos i had gotten too hooked on to fb. and added to that, i was overwhelmed by negativities that flooded many of my friend's posts. it was really depressing, not just from the content shared, but the realization that people you knew were capable of such thoughts! all the bitching, all the complains, etc especially during the days of the last general elections. at about the same time i created that "official account", i had also created a second "unofficial" account. the "unofficial" account was a shell and used primarily to "audit" the postings of the "official" account. and since deleting the "official" account, i have starting using the "unofficial" account and have rebuilt my friend list. i am now very selective about accepting friends for this account. this list now comprised friends who are generally closer to me. and i have kept this account simple and light. status updates and postings were short and sharp and all postings were deleted every few days. not many know, but this account served as a transit point for my thoughts and i would delete my postings once they are transferred over this blog.

anyway, i am making this posts to relate an incident that happened last week. a friend of mine outed me inadvertently by making a comment in one of my status updates (now my blog post on "sir, very pretty"). this friend, who is openly out to all his friends, posted a comment that went something along the line that perhaps my maid's gaydar was very strong. frankly, i wasn't uncomfortable with it. just kinda surprised that a comment like this could appear from a friend. for a short moment, i thought he was a little insensitive about such issues and dropped him a message. hey, did you not realized you outed me to my friends, i said. thought my mail caught him a little by surprise… oh, i am sorry, you can delete it… he said. i didn't bother for it was too late. fb had, by default, already looped everyone who had "liked" or had commented on my status updates with his comment. nonetheless, he apologized again and deleted his comment.

as i said, i was not offended by it. i am very comfortable with my own sexuality and wouldn't be too bothered about people knowing about me being gay. nonetheless, i cannot assume everyone in my friend list would be comfortable about having a gay friend. and from that perspective, i tend to be a little careful about telling people about my sexuality. for that matter, i do not see a need to declare my sexuality, just like how a straight person is not expected to go around telling people he/ she is straight. with regards the comment, one never know how comfortable the other person might be about his personal details when discussed in the cyberspace/ public domain. and from that angle, i do strongly believe everyone of us should be careful with our words and always err on the safe side when making comments about friends.

it is about self-awareness and respecting others.

no?