interestingly whenever i have any major tensions, i will come in contact with something positive. and often, actually, all the time, these positive things would be buddhistic in nature.
today, with all the tensions with mum, i actually stood at the balcony intending to jump. for that moment, it sounded so wonderful to be able to just end it all and then let her live and die a horrible death knowing she had killed her own son. yup, that was what went through my mind. anyway, i did not do it (or i wouldn't be typing this now). i went back to my bedroom and turned on my computer. interestingly, as i clicked onto my email, a mail came in. it was from a buddhist site that i had subscribed to. well, i couldn't recall much of what i read, but it went something about being clear about what one is doing. that one shouldn't be blinded by one's actions. for when a mind is clouded, an action that seemed right may actually not be so...
is this is sign? is this a sign that i should be seeing things in a more balanced way? that my mum is a sickly person and that i should learn to let her go? that i should not be bothered and flustered by her nonsense?
i should reflect on this.
:-)
6 comments:
Hi Peace, please dont do anything foolish. I am not sure if you have read the email I sent you mth back. I was upset with my own situation and had suicidal thoughts. I stumbled upon and kept myself going by reading your blog. Having to compare myself to you. I think I dont hold a candle. Just to share a Buddhism story, a monk was kidnapped while on his way to 化缘。 He was blindfolded, all fours tied up and held captive in a run down hut. He was fearful yet frustrated with the situation. Just when he calm down, he heard someone breathing. He crawled towards it. He found someone in the same situation. He tried his mean to release the someone. Once free, the someone release him. They are surprised that they are monks ftom the same monastery. They escaped and returned to the monastery. The abbot waiting them. They explained only to earn nod from the abbot. He congratulated them for passing the test and threw them the ropes and strips of cloths.
My interpretation of the story, just when you are helpless. You never know that your impact actually `save` someone. Dont be hard on yourself. You did a great job already. 随遇而安...;-)
Thanks Natkean for the encouragement. Much appreciate it.
Did u send me an email? Didn't receive it, or perhaps it has gone into my spam box. Apologies for that. Wanna send again?
:-)
we're always with you, peace!!!
thanks steve...
Hi Peace, sent you the original mail again. Thanks.
Ok, thanks. Will check :-)
Post a Comment