i visited my cousin today at the hospital. for someone who has 2-3 months more to live and has been listed under the dangerously ill list, i thought she looked very well. although she could not breath properly, we managed to talk for a good 45min. it was kinda interesting for me to sit down to talk to her on a one-to-one basis. as a young boy, i would see her as an adult. she's after all, more than a decade older than me. and as kids, we don't talk to adults.
we had not kept in contact since i last saw her when my aunt (her mum) passed away close to 2 decades ago. but since her diagnosis of her cancer couple of months back, i had made the effort to visit her, speak with her on the phone and monitored her well-being. the kinship is still there after all these years. and today, our conversation was a very reflective one. one that brought us back to our past. she reminisced about the times when she stayed with my family in marine parade. that was in the mid-70s, how our families would pack our picnic baskets and head to the beach for our family outings, how we would pick sea shells, dig for clams, pry for oysters, catch krills etc... and how we would bring our catch back home to cook, to make oyster omelet, and so on.
those were the my young carefree childhood days. and she was a small part of it. now, i see her looking tired and wasted in bed. hooked up onto the oxygen tube. waiting for her time. and i was acutely aware of her condition. nonetheless, i tried to obliquely talk about death and how we should not fear it and how we should not worry too much. and that if we are able to `pang sim' (not to worry too much) and focus on the positive energy, i believe life (and death) would be easier to manage. it would certainly be less stressful. but whether it helps in healing i don't know. but for sure, it will help us manage ourselves better.
talking about death to someone who is dying is a very difficult thing. one will face internal tensions within oneself. how far to say? where is the limit? how not to come across as insensitive? these are questions that went through my mind as i broach the topic. but i was glad i was able to do it. and i could see she is at peace with herself. and i reminded her that as buddhists, we should embrace death, sickness, old age as much as we had embraced birth. she agreed. when i left the place, i knew it was futile and not logical for me to wish her speedy recovery. instead, i asked her to `pang sim' again, don't think too much and take care of herself.
we had not kept in contact since i last saw her when my aunt (her mum) passed away close to 2 decades ago. but since her diagnosis of her cancer couple of months back, i had made the effort to visit her, speak with her on the phone and monitored her well-being. the kinship is still there after all these years. and today, our conversation was a very reflective one. one that brought us back to our past. she reminisced about the times when she stayed with my family in marine parade. that was in the mid-70s, how our families would pack our picnic baskets and head to the beach for our family outings, how we would pick sea shells, dig for clams, pry for oysters, catch krills etc... and how we would bring our catch back home to cook, to make oyster omelet, and so on.
those were the my young carefree childhood days. and she was a small part of it. now, i see her looking tired and wasted in bed. hooked up onto the oxygen tube. waiting for her time. and i was acutely aware of her condition. nonetheless, i tried to obliquely talk about death and how we should not fear it and how we should not worry too much. and that if we are able to `pang sim' (not to worry too much) and focus on the positive energy, i believe life (and death) would be easier to manage. it would certainly be less stressful. but whether it helps in healing i don't know. but for sure, it will help us manage ourselves better.
talking about death to someone who is dying is a very difficult thing. one will face internal tensions within oneself. how far to say? where is the limit? how not to come across as insensitive? these are questions that went through my mind as i broach the topic. but i was glad i was able to do it. and i could see she is at peace with herself. and i reminded her that as buddhists, we should embrace death, sickness, old age as much as we had embraced birth. she agreed. when i left the place, i knew it was futile and not logical for me to wish her speedy recovery. instead, i asked her to `pang sim' again, don't think too much and take care of herself.
1 comment:
I am sure I will be at a loss for words, too. 放心 seems to be the appropriate consolation.
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