Grateful 24 Feb: Gen AI

I was at the coffee shop this afternoon, drinking my kopi-o-kosong, when I decided to check what this new Fire Horse (丙午) year might mean for me. As a Fire Horse myself, it is considered my ben ming nian (本命年) and thus not the best year. But I also understand that the month, day and time of birth all play a part in shaping the overall outlook. So, naturally, I consulted ChatGPT. And as usual, I was impressed by what it gave me. That simple kopi moment became today’s gratitude reflection - not just for ChatGPT, but more generally for Gen AI. 

~< ••• >~

My use of Gen AI started with ChatGPT about two years ago. Since then, it has grown steadily and expanded to other apps such as DeepSeek, Gemini and Suno, to name a few. So here are my call-outs for today’s gratitude journal.

• ChatGPT. I use it daily - for monitoring my caloric and macronutrient intake, to support my blogging, amongst other things. When I first started, I used it to plan travel itineraries, improve my resume, develop career profiles, seek perspectives on financial planning, or simply to check my English when I blogged: sentence structure, grammar, coherence, flow. I would throw my entire draft in and ask it to “do the necessary”. It would return a nicely polished version - so polished that I had to rewrite major parts of it as it didn’t sound like me. I had since “trained” it, even as I have learned how to better use it. For example, in my last annual reflections, I asked ChatGPT to review a whole year’s worth of entries and suggest a theme and draft write-up. At other times, I would jot down rough bullet points and ask it to propose a structure. But I’m very clear: this is my blog, not ChatGPT’s. I will always review, refine and rewrite the writings to ensure it captures exactly what I want to say - and to say it in my voice. Sometimes the process is iterative - draft, refine, rethink, refine again - until I am certain the words are fully mine. My end-of-2025 entry, for example, took almost one and a half months to craft. The final version is totally different from what ChatGPT had proposed. Still, I am thankful - for the perspectives, the convenience and the support it brings to me these 2 years.

• DeepSeek. I started using it early last year, around the CNY period when it was first launched. Initially, it was simply an alternative to ChatGPT. Over time, however, I noticed its distinct analytical tone and subtle differences in perspectives. It may be too simplistic to say one feels “Chinese” and the other “Western”, but there are nuanced cultural differences in how they respond. These days, I log my daily food intake, blood pressure and resting heart rate into both DeepSeek and ChatGPT, using them to cross-check each others’ analysis and recommendations. Their responses are not identical - and that, in itself, is useful. In the end, I decide what works best for me. AI, to me, is a tool - helpful, but not authoritative. And I am thankful for the additional lens it provides.

• Other Gen AI apps. Beyond ChatGPT and DeepSeek, I also use others such as Gemini, Suno, Leo (previously Leonardo), Copilot, Taskade, Meta AI, as well as AI-enhanced platforms like Canva and Google. Each has its strengths. Gemini, with its Nano Banana, helps best enhancing old photos and creating images (like the one above); Leo allows me to create images and short videos; Suno lets me compose songs just for fun. They offer convenience at my fingertips - for creativity, productivity or simple curiosity. I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn and experiment with these apps in this season of my life.

My understanding of Gen AI is still basic. There is much more to explore and to learn. But I am clear that these tools are here to support me, not replace me - and I remain responsible for how I use them and what I publish. 

~< ••• >~

And as for what ChatGPT told me about this Fire Horse year - after considering my birth month, day and time - it will not be a bad one for me. It will, however, be an intense and defining one. I must not, however, mistake intensity for misfortune. I must see it as a year of consolidation. A year to stabilise my new identity - choose meaningful engagements and a slower, intentional life, without needing to prove anything to anyone. It will be a year where I get to consciously choose who I want to be next. That, to me, is power - not bad luck.

Grateful 23 Feb: Convenience

Today, I give thanks for the many conveniences I enjoy in my daily life. Here are my three call outs for today:

• Amenities. I live in a condominium about 1.5 km from the nearest HDB amenities - coffee shops, a shopping centre, convenience stores, and so on. To some, this may seem far. For me, it is perfectly balanced: near yet far, far yet near. Let me explain. The amenities are located at a comfortable distance - far enough that I am spared the bustle and occasional rowdiness, thereby allowing me to enjoy peace and quiet at home. Yet they are near enough for me to walk there in about 15 mins. That short walk gives me the added benefit of exercise - something that I do daily. I am grateful for this balance between convenience and peace.

• Public Transport. When I bought my place 30 years ago, many felt it’s too ulu and public transport and amenities were inadequate. But that was precisely what appealed to me - the peace. I drive, so it doesn't matter, I thought. Since then, the area has transformed significantly. A housing estate has been built nearby, along with a uni and a biz park; and public transport has improved greatly. Yet the peace has largely been preserved, as main amenities remain a short but manageable distance away. I enjoy the convenience yet without the noise. There is now a bus stop and an MRT station within a 5 min walk from my home. Best of all, the MRT line is underground. In Singapore, the vision is for residents to have access to an MRT station within 500m of their homes, and I am grateful to the urban planners for this thoughtful consideration. I have since sold off my car.

• Giving Feedback. I am thankful for the OneService app that allows us to report municipal issues easily. It channels feedback to the appropriate agency for follow-up action and is suberbly easy to use. Of course, the app is only as effective as the people managing it - and I must say the authorities are truly on the ball. Yesterday, during my afternoon walk, I noticed an unusual sight: a Chinese tombstone leaning against a roadside tree. It appeared abandoned. I used the app to take a couple of photos and submitted a report. This morning, I received a notification from NEA (the National Environment Agency) that the tombstone had been removed. They even sent a photograph showing it being removed last night (or early this morning). I was impressed by their efficiency and grateful that providing feedback is so seamless.

Much has changed over the 3 decades I have lived in this area. Transport links and amenities have improved tremendously, yet I still enjoy peace and quiet at home. For this balance - convenience without compromise - I am deeply thankful. I cannot ask for more.

Grateful 22 Feb: Multicultural Food

Today, I want to give thanks to something I believe many in Singapore take for granted: food. I was looking in my fridge and noticed some Chinese New Year leftovers, dishes my sister brought over, and more. Reflecting on it, I realized how much I’ve had the privilege of enjoying a variety of multicultural flavours - yet often without truly appreciating them. So, let me highlight a few.

• Malay. I had chicken rendang for dinner today. Though originally a Malay dish, many non-Malays have learned to cook it, giving rise to Indian-style and Chinese-style rendang, each adapted to the respective culture taste-buds. My aunt had cooked and packed it for me during the CNY reunion, and I kept it in my fridge to enjoy during the CNY period when many shops were closed. Over the past few days, I had a piece or two, and today I decided to stew it further with some prawns. It was such a lovely dish - rich, fragrant, and infused with the aromatics of the rempah. I am grateful for this treat from my aunt.

• Peranakan. My sister made Nonya ngoh hiang (meat rolls comprising minced pork or chicken and prawns) for CNY. This is her speciality, which she makes every year before CNY, and she packed 10 rolls for me as usual. I used some to host friends over the last week. I still have 2 rolls and had 1 for dinner. Like rendang, different families have slightly different recipes, but I especially enjoy my sister’s version because it closely resembles my mum’s. It's so nostalgic. To add to the list, I made pengat kacang (green bean soup with sago and gula melaka) today for friends visiting me to bai nian (CNY visitation). This is one of my favourite desserts that I used to cook for mum when she was alive. I’m glad I have the chance to cook it today. My mum, being Peranakan (Straits-born Chinese), had a strong influence on our upbringing, and being able to savour Peranakan food during CNY is something I am thankful for.

• Chinese. I had cheng tng as for dessert after dinner. My sis made it and brought some over a couple of days back. Cheng tng is a Chinese dessert commonly sold in hawker centres across the island. It can be consumed warm or chilled. It is a sweet, refreshing longan-based soup filled with a colourful mix of ingredients - dried longans, lotus seeds, gingko nuts, white fungus, barley, and more. This is also a dessert I used to make for friends and for my ex whenever he craved for it. I hardly make it these days. It doesn't make too much sense to cook these days as I live alone.

The above are just some of the “usual, normal” food I had today, most of which were kept in my fridge. There are also Western dishes, such as chicken potpie. All of this food reflects the multicultural environment I live in and I am grateful to be part of.

Grateful 21 Feb: Social Media

I’ve been on social media since the late-1990s. It started with gay community sites like Fridae.com and SgBoy (later Trevvy). Then came Facebook, Tumblr, Grindr, Hornet, Scruff, Jack’d, Romeo, Blued, Twitter (now X)… and probably a few I’ve forgotten along the way. I have left most of them. The one that has truly grown with me and survived the test of time is Blogger. So today, I’m giving thanks to the following: 

• Social Media (in general). It has become an integral part of my life. I use it for entertainment, pleasure, information, and of cos, connect with people beyond my usual circle - sometimes actively, and sometimes quietly "stalking" them and observing them from afar. I note the endless debate about the pros and cons of using social media, the dangers and all. But to me, social media is just a tool. What we get out of it depends on how we use it (and how much drama we’re willing to tolerate). We can always remove ourselves from it - just like how I deleted my Facebook profile or hide my X app when I found myself too attached to it. On the whole, for me, the positives of using social media outweighed the negatives. I’ve learnt, connected, laughed, cried, occasionally rolled my eyes and, not to mention, grown. So yes, I give thanks for it.

• Blogspot/ Blogger. I’ve been on Blogspot/ Blogger since the early 2000s. It’s a space to capture my life's moments - the highs, the lows, the breakthroughs, the heartbreaks and all. Journaling these moments helped me process my emotions, reflect, and make sense of my experiences. Blogger also allowed me to record my past and my heritage - the personal and cultural layers that shape who I am. I would even go as far as to say that Blogger allows me to share thoughts that I would not have shared so openly in real life. Now, when I revisit old posts, I am able to see how much I’ve come through my experiences, how much I’ve grown, and how judgmental I had been at times. It gives me a sense of my own evolution over the last 2 decades. I’m thankful this space has been with me through the years. It’s little archive of myself and I’ll probably continue for as long as Blogger is around. 

• Blogger Friends. And then there are the people. They add another layer of meaning to my blogging experiences. There are readers who quietly read my blogs and there are those who occasionally share their thoughts - just like how I would read and contribute to their blogs and keep up with their lives. I appreciate all their comments and sharing. Amongst my blog readers, some have, over time, become real-life friends, just like the few whom I will meet up whenever I visit KL. Similarly, I have hosted a couple of blogger friends who visited Singapore. Blogging has certainly widened my world beyond geography, routine, and circumstance. And for the connections I’ve made through blogging, thank you.

So yes - Thank you, social media. Thank you, Blogspot/ Blogger. And thank you my blogger friends if you have shared even a little bit of this journey with me, whether loudly or quietly. It’s been a good ride. 

Grateful 20 Feb: City in a Garden

I have gained back all the weight I lost over the last 5 months over the past 2 weeks - an outcome of all the feasting and fat-rich CNY food! So I decided to head out again for my walk along my usual route - from the housing estate into the Changi Business Park (CBP). Along the way, I saw several interesting sights - wild animals - and it reminded me how lucky I am to live so close to nature, even though I am in an urbanised environment. So today, I give thanks for these reminders:

• Nature. I live next to CBP where a large part is a solar farm and lined with lush greenery. It is also located next to a golf course. With such abundance of greenery, gay men have made it a cruising haunt since the early 2000s. But that’s not why I am writing this post. Rather, the place has attracted many animals. Animals commonly found here include various bird species including the sunbird, spotted dove, pink pigeon, bulbul, drongo, Asian koel, black nape oriole, kingfisher and kite, reptiles such as the monitor lizard, calotes, tortoise, various species of snakes, etc. As a nature lover, I am truly thankful to have this park so near me. 

• Asian Openbill. I saw this eye-catching bird while walking along the fringe of the golf course. I was surprised to see it as it is not a familiar sight locally. I was to learn that it is not endemic to Singapore but a migratory bird that is seen only during the northern winter period. And it was the first time I see an Asian Openbill and at such close range. It moved a few steps away when it saw me approaching. I froze and it stopped moving, but it remained wary of my presence. I snapped a couple of photos and videos before walking on and leaving it in peace. I am grateful to have been able to see this migratory bird up close.

• Wild Chickens. I was pleasantly surprised to see a family of 7 - 8 wild chickens at CBP. A few months back, there was only one! It has certainly multiplied quickly, probably due to the lack of natural predators, and I certainly welcome the sight. It certainly make the place a lot livelier and interesting. Wild chickens, while common decades ago, had almost disappeared for unknown reasons but reappeared during the COVID lockdown period. Since then, they have spread across the island, and we now see them in many places!

I am thankful for the chance to connect with nature even while walking through an industrial/ business park. It was such a pleasant experience. Years ago, we began with the “Clean and Green” Singapore campaign to soften the hard buildings that were being constructed at a rapid rate. This evolved into the “Garden City” vision, where flowering plants were introduced, and in recent years, the vision has been refreshed to “City in a Garden”. As a nature lover, I am blessed to be living in this city-state.

Grateful 19 Feb: Shelters

We were blessed with plenty of “good luck” from the heavens today - yes, it rained heavily for most of the day. Despite the rain, I was able to go about my daily walks and afternoon breaks, without needing to bring my umbrella, and still stay relatively dry. I, therefore, give thanks for the following:

• Rain. I am grateful for the rain - not just because it symbolises good luck - but also because it cools everything down. It has rained quite a lot over the past few days, and with it, the temperature has dropped from 30s to low-20s. It feels really pleasant and such a contrast to the hot, scorching weather we experienced through most of Jan and early-Feb. And as I enjoy rain, I was all tempted to head out for a walk in it but decided against it in the end as I want to minimize the chance of falling sick. 

• Sheltered Walkways & Underpasses. Despite the heavy rain, I was able to walk almost 8 km without getting wet, thanks to public sheltered walkways and underpasses. Of course, there were small stretches - perhaps 10 metres or so, such as when crossing minor roads - that I still had to manage, but these were minor inconveniences. I believe Singapore is one of the few, if not the only, city state in the world with such extensive public sheltered walkways, so much so that they have almost eliminated the need for umbrellas, and for this, I am thankful.

• Last Stretch Umbrellas. The public sheltered walkways link directly to my condominium rear gate. To reach my block, there is a final 80m of unsheltered path. For residents’ convenience, the condo management has installed umbrellas from the gate to the various blocks. Such a seamless arrangement is deeply appreciated by residents, judging by how well utilised the umbrellas are. I thank the condo management for this arrangement.

For all of the above, I am grateful. In the past, whenever it rained, many of us would simply stay home to avoid the hassle of carrying umbrellas or getting wet. But with these thoughtful provisions, I am no longer confined indoors. Life carries on as normal, rain or shine.

Grateful 18 Feb: CNY Connections (2)

Today is CNY Day 2, and like yesterday, I want to give thanks for connections - this time in a more direct way. I am grateful for the following: 

• Friends. I give thanks for friends I met today: PY, whom I had breakfast with; M, my buddy, who came over in the afternoon; and JL, who visited me in the evening. Each of them has, in their own way, brought much meaning into my life, and I am thankful for the chance to reconnect. Breakfast with PY was a lovely catch-up. She was my colleague in my last job, and we used to have lunch together regularly. After I left the corporate world, we stayed in contact, and she was one of the first to volunteer as my coachee when I needed hours for my coaching credential. Through those sessions, I came to know her better, and over time, we became friends. I will not go into detail about M, as I have written about him quite a bit recently. As for JL, she is an ex-neighbour from my parents’ place. In fact, I consider her a family friend, having known her for over 40 years. She dropped by today with my sister and brother-in-law, and it was especially nice to see her again after such a long time. 

• Second Sister, Brother-in-law & JL. I am grateful to my second sister and brother-in-law for dropping by with dinner and yusheng. They brought JL along, as she had visited them earlier. It was a warm and meaningful visit, especially in the CNY context. We spent a good amount of time reminiscing about the past. 

• Lou Hei (Yusheng). I am thankful for the chance to toss yusheng with people close to me. This was my second lou hei of the year, and instead of raw fish, my sister used abalone and jellyfish. It was thoughtfully assembled, and I am so very full now. Although yusheng is largely made up of shredded vegetables and pickles, it is not exactly healthy. It comes with sweet sauces, ground nuts, sesame seeds, and other ingredients, making it both calorie and sodium rich. But what the heck right? This is a once-a-year affair and who better to lou the yusheng with than family and close friends? 

It was a good and meaningful day, connecting with people who matter to me. With today, the two-day CNY public holiday comes to an end. Nonetheless, visitations will continue for many over the next two weeks or so. So yeah, it is back to routine.

Gardening & I

I have loved nature since I was young. 

Over time, this interest gradually shifted towards plants and gardening. I enjoy the nurturing process and the satisfaction of watching living things grow. My earliest memory of gardening was when I was about 6 or 7, living in a kampong in Paya Lebar. One particular plant that left a deep impression on me was the “9 o’clock flower”. My landlord explained that it bloomed at 9 o’clock in the morning, and that was how it got its name. Much later, I learned that it is called Portulaca spp. Those were the days when my neighbours would harvest jambu, rambutan, mangoes and other fruits from trees, then eat them marinated in dark sauce, sugar and chilli. Around that time, I planted a mango seed next to the kitchen. I watched it sprout and slowly grow into a sapling. To a small kid, it was a huge achievement. When we eventually moved, I had to leave it behind. That was the first plant I ever grew. 

We moved to Marine Terrace when I was in Primary 2. During science class, I remembered germinating bean sprouts from green beans. Watching the roots emerge was most fascinating. That was also when I began growing plants in pots at home. My regular walk from school was 3 to 4 kilometres, and along the way I often passed abandoned houses where wild epiphytic orchids grew. I would pick them and bring them home, many did not survive. Orchids needed special care, and as an amateur, my gardening knowledge was still very basic. During my teenage years, I kept many different types of plants - most of which I did not even know the names of, and many of which my sister brought home from school. I watered them conscientiously every day. Some died, but others bloomed, and I began propagating them even before I formally learned how to do so. I remember growing money plant (Scindapsus aureus), dumb cane (Dieffenbachia variegata), and many others, repotting them over time as they multiplied. 

I later pursued a degree in biological sciences and graduated with a botany honours degree. I thoroughly enjoyed my biology lessons. I learned about plant physiology, anatomy, wayside trees and commercial botany and so on. My honours year project, in particular, was meaningful. I spent a lot of time in the secondary forests around Singapore studying how plants interact with fauna, soil and their surrounding ecosystems. I did not continue in this field professionally as I had to return to the army to serve my bond but my relationship with plants never ended. As an officer commanding, I made a special effort to bring back plants from training areas, where abandoned houses and gardens were common. My company line ended with lots of beautiful flowering plants such as orchids, bougainvillea, etc. It was really heartening to see how my soldiers, despite their tough exteriors, tending to the garden with extra care. 

Today, gardening remains a cherished hobby. I keep several potted plants on my balcony and take pleasure in looking after them. I would feel bad discarding them, as they have become companions of sorts. Yet, I do not need to own plants to appreciate them. I find the same joy in seeing them along the roadside, while hiking in the forest, or walking through nature reserves.

Grateful 17 Feb: CNY Connections (1)

Today is CNY, and it poured like nobody’s business! Given the recent hot spell, today's rain was such a blessing, but it also meant negotiating rainy weather for my visits. Still it was a good CNY Day 1. So on this day, I give thanks to the following:

• Connecting to my Heritage: Traditions. CNY is a powerful reminder of what it means for me to be Chinese. The rituals we practise - mandarin oranges, auspicious couplets, everything in red, red packets, red banners, well-wishes, the Chinese zodiac - are not just festive customs. They are living expressions of a culture that has shaped how I see family, relationships, and myself. Beyond these visible symbols lie deeper values of order, kinship, and bonds. I use the word “order” in a very Confucian sense - an understanding of where we stand in relation to one another, and how respect is expressed through our words and actions. These traditions connect me to my past and they gave me a deep sense of rootedness. In honouring them, I am not merely celebrating a festival; I am reaffirming my place in my Chinese heritage and in my own sense of “Chineseness”.

• Connecting to Others: Visitations. CNY Day 1 has always been reserved for visiting seniors in the family, with later days set aside for more junior relatives, friends and reciprocal visits. This, apart from hierarchy, also recognises and honour relationships that have shaped me. Through these visitations, family ties are renewed and affirmed meaningfully. Although I usually do not visit friends during CNY, today was an exception. I visited a friend who is battling oesophageal cancer. Giving him the Day 1 “privilege” felt important - because he is older than me, because this may be his last CNY, and because he is unable to visit his relatives and friends as he is still observing his 1-year mourning period for his late mother. I am deeply thankful that he allowed me to visit, as not many people would accept visitors during such a time.

• Connecting to Self: Rest. Because of the heavy rain, the absence of uncles, and the fact that I had already visited my aunt yesterday, today turned into a superbly restful day. I could not clean the house (lest I sweep away good luck), I did not need to cook (thanks to leftovers from CNY reunion dinner), and my only visitation was late in the afternoon. I spent a large part of the day using AI to restore old black-and-white family photos, colourising them, and sharing them with my cousins and sisters. I was initially worried that they might find my "spamming" of their WhatsApp bothersome but their positive responses surprised me. One of them even asked me for "more more more"! Grateful that I could bring some joy to them on this auspicious day. Although unplanned, I found connection not through visits, but through memory, shared history, and affection.  

CNY Day 1 went by quickly. Tomorrow is CNY Day 2 and my sis will visit me tomorrow, after which I will return the visit and drop by her place for dinner. It will also be a small get together with an old neighbour. I look forward to it.

Grateful - 16 Feb: Family

Today is CNY eve and it’s a day where families gather for reunion dinners and where bonds are remembered and strengthened. Let me then give thanks to “Family”, from a gay person’s perspective - my perspective:

• Immediate Family: The term “immediate family” used to include my partner and my siblings, not so much their kids. Now, it’s just my siblings. My relationships with them have been uneven (for eg, I am not on talking terms with my brother). Despite this, I am thankful for their presence in my life. My interactions with my eldest sister and brother-in-law these days occur far and few between, but the warmth and sense of siblingship are felt in her messages during festive seasons and important days, such as birthdays. For my second sister and her husband, I am grateful for their support when I needed it and for the frequent visits - bringing food or simply checking in to see how I’m managing.

• Extended Family: I am grateful to my extended family. They include relative from both my maternal and paternal sides. I am closer to my paternal side and meet up with my aunts more often - perhaps due to my traditional upbringing. Interacting with them reminds me of my heritage and gives me a sense of rootedness and identity. Similar to previous years, I joined my aunt and her family for their Chinese New Year reunion dinner. She always makes it a point to invite me over and fuss over what to cook. I felt a little bad about imposing, but my cousin assured me that my presence has always been the highlight for her. I’m glad I could bring her some joy today, and I also look forward to joining my other aunt for their family get-together next week.

• Non-blood-related Family: As a gay person, non-blood-related family is a major part of my life, and I am grateful for the support they give. I am referring to my close friends, who fill the vacuum created by the absence of a “traditional” family. These friends play an increasingly important part in my life, especially as members of my parents’ generation dwindle and the extended family disperses. I am thankful to them for their care and concern - checking in on me frequently, visiting, or quietly keeping up with me on social media, sending messages like, “You hardly post anything anymore, everything okay?” “How come you lost so much weight? Hope you are well!” or, “I may not text often but you’re in my thoughts,” or, “Please don’t hesitate to reach out anytime you need, okay?” etc.

I am grateful to my 3 families above. Our interactions is manifested and expressed in mutual respect, encouragement, care, concern and support. That is how we love each other, although the word “love” was hardly ever articulated. Happy Chinese New Year Eve and may everyone continue to celebrate the bonds you have with your families!

Picture shows the CNY must-haves in my home: mandarin oranges, leek, niangao (年糕).

What Would You Change…

“Share one thing you would change if you were to relive your life again…” I’ve often come across this question in social media and tbh, have been asked a couple of times in my life. Last time, I would probably say things like - choose a different career, be a doctor, etc. These days, I’ll simply say: Nothing. 

Perhaps it’s a sign of maturity and perhaps a reflection of my focus on what I can control vs what I cannot control. I am what I am today due to my life’s journey, the experiences it had provided, positive or otherwise; and I have learned much from them. I am thankful for all that and I do not wish for a different past. What’s past cannot be undone and wishing for a different past suggests regrets. What I think most important now is to ask myself: what do I want for my future self and what can I do to realize it. This is more generative and pushes me to think and do things more purposefully. Today is tomorrow’s past - so I want today to be contributing to tomorrow’s success, not regrets.

I am reminded of this cos during the career fair, someone came up to me and asked “what would you tell your 30 year old self.” It’s a question that I have not even thought about. Still, I went with the flow and said things that I thought the fair organisers would want to hear - operating environment changes very fast, digitalisation, gen AI, important to learn unlearn relearn, be relevant, be open, explore… etc. you get the drift.

Yup… a tad random but this thought arose as just I had my breakfast and I thought it is nice to capture it here. Happy Chinese New Year Eve!

Grateful - 15 Feb: Togetherness

Just need to buy my mandarin oranges and I will complete my CNY shopping. And I can see my neighbours busy doing the same! So today I give thanks to:

• Neighbours. On my way out to get my CNY stuff, I met my 4th floor neighbour, M. She’s a chatty person and never fails to have a chat whenever we chance upon each other. Admittedly, I did find her a bit nosy initially, but over time I’ve accepted her as she is. And today, as we chatted, another neighbour from the 8th floor, Mr & Mrs K, walked by. They had arranged to head to the CNY bazaar for their CNY shopping! M asked if I wanted to join them, but Mrs K said, “I don’t think he wants la. He needs to head to the coffee shop for his coffee…” It’s a simple remark, but it tells me people notice, and people remember. Quite a warm feeling, I must say.

• Community. During major festivals, the sense of community feels very strong. And certainly, during CNY, the sense of community amongst Chinese Singaporeans is accentuated. In this regard, I’m grateful for the efforts over the last 4 decades to bring all dialect groups together. Today, we are all Chinese Singaporeans. It doesn’t matter if we are Hokkien (or its many sub-variants), Teochew, Hakka, Cantonese, Hockchew, Henghua, etc… we all speak Chinese and we celebrate CNY similarly. This contrasts with Singapore a century ago, when Chinese of different dialect groups fought each other…

• Country. There’s a certain feeling of warmth and inclusivity I get whenever we celebrate major festivals, be it CNY, Hari Raya, Deepavali, or even Christmas! The mood is highly energising and, in a huge way, brings people together. We don’t really just celebrate as a community, we celebrate as a country! So we have strangers walking by and wishing each other Happy Chinese New Year, or Selamat Hari Raya, or Happy Deepavali - whatever the festival may be to celebrants. It’s so nice to be living in Singapore, where people celebrate each other, regardless of race, language, or religion. I am thankful to be born here. I am blessed.

Tomorrow is CNY eve. And we count down to CNY, I give thanks to Singapore that celebrates multiculturalism, the community I live in, and my neighbours. 

Grateful - 14 Feb: Love

Today is Valentine’s Day. And as it’s just a couple of days before CNY, celebrations aren’t very obvious from what I’ve seen. Still, it’s a day to celebrate love - and more broadly, friendships. And here’s my grateful list today:

• Valentine’s Day. I’m thankful there’s a day to celebrate love. When I was younger, Valentine’s Day was mostly about lovers. And if you got invited to dinner, it would basically be a “do you want to be my special half?” moment. It’s nice to see it becoming more inclusive now - friends can celebrate too. Having said that, VD dinners are totally overpriced, mass-produced, and honestly not worth it. Agree?

• Friends. I am thankful for friends, past and present. As a gay person, friends are probably the closest thing next to family. They may come and go, but for as long as they are around, they provide us with the support we need. Today, I received a couple of Happy Valentines messages from friends. While it is not expected, it still warms my heart to know and there are friends who make a point to send VD wishes. And last night, my buddy came over and brought chocolates too. So sweet right?

• Exes. It’s highly unintuitive to hear of one to give thanks to exes but I thought it’s important to give thanks when it’s due. For all the good and bad, my 3 exes that were with me through my last 3 decades made me what I am today. They showed me I am fully capable to love and my desire to be loved. I’ve been single since April 2024. It’s been an interesting 2 years and I’ve learned further about myself. By giving thanks for my exes, it simply reflect a simple truth - that I’m comfortable and confident with what I am now: a single person enjoying my present moments and keeping my options open.

And it just struck me that we only have 2 more days to go before CNY! Omg! I better not forget to get some important CNY stuff tomorrow - mandarin oranges, leek, nian gao, etc! I wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Learnings: AI

I went to a career fair over the past two days. 

The theme centered around building an AI-capable workforce. Apart from career booths, there were lots of talks about AI, its applications, and its impact on us. I attended a few - super interesting. I’ve been using an assortment of different Gen AI apps thus far but still, the presentations reminded me how little I actually know! AI is definitely here to stay, so we need to figure out how to work with it. I need to amp up my learnings and usage of AI!

Feeling thankful for the learnings and excited about what’s ahead!

Grateful - 13 Feb: Body

I’m not sure if this is a Singapore senior citizen thing or a universal one - people sending “Good Morning” messages and pictures to every contact in their phone. I’m in several chat groups and wake up to a flood of them daily. Most mornings, I delete them without even looking. But today, when my buddy sent me the above, I paused and appreciated it. So in today’s gratitude journal, I’m giving thanks to things that happen so naturally, until they don’t.

• Breathing. No explanation seems necessary. It is so automatic that we rarely notice it - until it becomes difficult. In 2017/ 2018, I found myself gasping for air frequently. My lungs always felt half full and I couldn’t take a deep breath. I felt like a fish out of water. Once, while holidaying in Japan, I blacked out. That eventually led to the discovery of a blocked artery. I underwent an angioplasty and had a stent inserted. Since then, breathing has returned to being what it should be - effortless. For that, I am deeply thankful.

• Drinking. We also take for granted the simple act of swallowing - of fluids aka drinking; of solids aka eating. Let me focus on drinking here. Drinking and ensuring fluids do not “go down the wrong hole” is something most of us never think about. My mum struggled with this in her final years. When she choked, it was scary - violent coughing that sometimes led to bronchitis. I would remind her gently to tuck her chin down before swallowing. Either I or my domestic helper had to supervise her whenever she drank, water or soup. It was exhausting for her, and sobering for me to witness.

• Eating. Here, I will reflect on swallowing of solids: Eating. Eating sustains us and often, brings us joy. Yet recently, I was reminded how fragile that ability can be. My friend with oesophageal cancer can no longer swallow properly. When we met two days ago, he could only sip small amounts of soup while watching D and I eat. It was a quiet, humbling moment.

So today, I give thanks for my ability to breathe, drink, and eat - simple acts that nourishes the body. Caring for my mum taught me that, in the end, much of life comes down to these basics. Breathing. Drinking. Eating. And also, excreting: sweating, peeing, shitting. Strip everything away, and it really is that simple. For being able to do these ordinary things smoothly today, I am grateful.

Sapphie

 This is Sapphie, my dog. 

It’s coming to 10 years since she left. 

The recent haze reminds me of her and this pic.

She has such gentle eyes!

Grateful - 12 Feb: Reflections & Self

A uni classmate visited me and it’s probably the main highlight of my gratitude journal today. But there are two other things I would also like to acknowledge. Here goes:

• LK. I am grateful for her and for the friendship we share. We have known each other since our uni days and have journeyed through many ups and downs over the past 3 to 4 decades. She was one of the first people I came out to in the mid-90s. She is now navigating the final phase of her corporate life, and we have had many conversations about this transition. Two weeks ago, she called to ask if she could visit today. She arrived with dinner, and we spent the evening catching up - talking about work, life, and all. It was simple, unhurried, and deeply comforting.

• Reflections. It may sound strange to say I am grateful for my own reflections, but taking deliberate time to think has helped me uncover blind spots, learn about myself, and see situations more objectively. Through journaling - especially writing about what I am grateful for - I have become aware of how much I'd focus on the negatives. This practice made me reframed and shifted my attention to what truly matters. It grounds me in gratitude and reminds me to be more compassionate towards myself.

• Self-identity. How often do we take our heritage for granted? For most of my life, mine simply was - unquestioned and unexamined. But as I grow older, I find myself paying more attention to my roots. Today, as I blogged about "CNY and I", I saw more clearly the uniqueness of my heritage and how much I had taken it for granted. Blogging, once again, helped me understand myself better - and in this case, reaffirm my identity as a Singaporean Chinese. I am grateful for that reminder.

It was a simple day, but a rich and reflective one.

CNY & I (a Singaporean Chinese)

It is less than a week to Chinese New Year, and the rush has begun. When I was at Bedok Mall earlier, the supermarket was crowded despite it being a working weekday. People were stocking up for reunion dinners and CNY visits. I am sure some families will have their reunion dinners early before flying off for a holiday this weekend. Heading overseas during public holidays is a very Singaporean instinct. But CNY always brings us back to the table. For my family, our dining table tells a story.

My late mother is Straits-born - Peranakan - and food is serious business for nonyas. My paternal side traces its roots to Fujian, rich in Hokkien traditions. Growing up, I never saw these as two distinct inheritances, they simply coexisted. During CNY, our dining table is filled with Peranakan dishes such as chap chai, babi pongteh, and curry chicken; and they sit comfortably beside Hokkien dishes that carry strong symbolism. We will definitely have the humble leek (picture above from 2024 CNY), or "sng" in Hokkien. “Sng” sounds like “count”, and thus eating "sng" is a must so that we will have money to count in the coming year. Such details are never treated lightly - they carry hope.

And in my adult years, there is the yusheng. The name itself, carry auspicious meanings of "excess" and "greater heights". We stand around the table, chopsticks raised, calling out auspicious phrases as we toss the raw fish and shredded vegetables. Yusheng was invented in Singapore and is distinctly us. It is now an indispensable CNY dish locally. I see similar unions of heritages at reunion tables of relatives and friends. Some more distinct such as in my case, my mother’s Straits-born roots, and my father’s direct connection to Fujian; and some less, such as when their parents hail from different provinces in China.

My siblings and I inherit both - not preserving them unchanged, but living them in our own way. Each of us has picked up different dishes from mum, and over time we have added new ones that we learned along the way. Around the table, languages flow between English, dialect and Mandarin. Some rituals are observed carefully; others are adapted to fit modern times. We may travel. We may send greetings over WhatsApp. But when we gather, we honour both where we came from and where we are rooted now. Most importantly, we celebrate culture, traditions, and family bonds.

Perhaps that is what it means to be a Singaporean Chinese - not a fixed identity tied to a single homeland, but something layered, lived and evolving. We celebrate our Chineseness in symbolism, in food, in reunion - yet it is unmistakably shaped by the Singapore context. Each year, as we sit before plates of chap chai and leek, as we toss yusheng and shout blessings into the air, we are not just welcoming a new year. We are continuing a story - and shaping it into something distinctly our own.

Grateful - 11 Feb: Daily Blessings

Today’s post might sound a tad personal, but they are still things I feel grateful for. Here are my 3 call-outs:

• Underwear. I recently bought a pair of underwear and it arrived today. I really like the fit - it holds everything up really well. Feels pretty sexy wearing it. So… yeah, I’m thankful for this very intimate piece of underwear!

• Buddy. I’ve recently started using the term “buddy” on a friend of mine. You know… heh… I’ve blogged about him before, but this is probably the first time I’m calling him my “buddy”. He didn’t text me for two days and I got a little worried and texted him. I was thankful when he replied and said he was simply busy and all’s well. We ended by saying we missed each other. So sweet, right?

• Red banner. I decided to visit the temple to give thanks for the year and to pray for smooth sailing and good health in the new year. While on the train, it suddenly hit me that I hadn’t kept track of the date to hang the red banner. After checking, I realised that today was the deadline! I was so grateful for that sudden realization - I would have missed it otherwise. I hurried home, finished washing the kitchen, and once that was done, I could officially kick off the “Little New Year” by putting up the red banner on my door. Let the CNY celebrations begin!

Two of the entries are a little personal in nature right? Heh… It’s less than a week to CNY!

Grateful - 10 Feb: Simple Joys

Woke up feeling a little tired, dehydrated yet bloated from last night’s dinner and decided to take things a bit slower today. It was nice to end the day feeling rested, and energized. With this, let me give thanks to the following:

• People watch. I took my usual coffee break at the coffee shop this afternoon and instead of rushing through my coffee (which I usually do so I could proceed with my afternoon walk), I decided to just sit and observe the world pass by. It turned out to be a rather pleasant experience: watching a rather unkempt uncle sang along as he blasted a speaker with a weird mix of songs - English, Chinese, Hokkien, etc, office workers rushing through their lunch, retirees wilding their time away… and oh, I was singing away in my head to the songs as I drank my coffee too!

• Gardening. I maintain a collection of plants at my balcony and I decided to marcot my ficus plant after lunch. It has grown too big and I thought it is time to create new plants out of it. Doing so will also allow me to downsize it significantly once the new plants take root. Gardening has always been a therapeutic pastime for me and today’s experience is no different. It was a lovely afternoon!

• Visit by B. I am thankful to B for visiting me. He had gone back to his home country last week and decided to dropped by my place with dinner and some stuff from home. I appreciate his gestures and we had a nice chat. Have known him since last year and while he has his quirks that can some time irritate the hell out of me, he is, overall a very nice person. Grateful for his warm gestures.

So yeah, it was a slow day and I ended it feeling energized after attending an online workshop in the evening. 

Family ties

Since young, my mum had drilled me to assume the role of the “head” of the family in my dad’s absence. For example, during major prayers, when my dad was at work, she would get me to lead - kneeling in front of the altar, holding the family joss sticks, and offer the prayers. To a kid no more than 6-7 years of age, it was a tad overwhelming but my mum knelt behind me and guided me on what to say.

That was my upbringing and I have, since my dad’s passing almost two decades ago, become the de facto head of the family, represented my family at my cousins’ weddings and later their children’s. It’s a heavy responsibility, but one I take on with honour and pride. Such traditional practices, founded on Confucian values, are still observed by many Chinese families.

My dad was the second eldest son and became head of his family after my paternal grandfather and eldest uncle passed on. His siblings - all his sisters and his only younger brother - would make it a point to visit us during CNY to pay their respects (to my dad) and celebrate family ties. I deeply respect such traditional practices and have continued to observe them.

With my dad and uncles gone, my aunts and cousins no longer visit us. They are now the elders, and I, in turn, make it a point to buy CNY gifts for them and visit them during festivals. My aunts and cousins, on the other hand, will make it a point to invite me to join them for their family reunions and occasional dinners. Just me, not my siblings.

I appreciate their invitations and gestures. I enjoy these annual and regular get-togethers - they keep the family ties alive. But I also know that once my aunts pass on, these gatherings will stop. After all, as the Hokkien saying goes - monkeys will disperse once the tree falls. But for now, as long as the tree stands, we will continue to meet.

Looking forward to next week’s CNY reunion dinner with my aunt’s family. She has called me several times over the past couple of weeks - to remind me and ask what dishes I want to eat. And she had also reminded me - don’t buy anything too expensive, just something simple is good enough.

Heh…

Picture from https://studycli.org/learn-chinese/chinese-family-tree/

CNY - Weight watchers’ nightmare

It’s CNY again - the season of food, reunion dinners, and one “special” meal after another. 

Last night’s dinner with my army mates was one of those dinners. Psychologically satisfying, but physically punishing. I ate and drank far too much and came home bloated, light-headed, and very uncomfortable. Still, I managed to calm myself down - journal, wash up, and just sit quietly - before retiring. Thankfully, I slept relatively well. But this morning, the scale jumped by 1.5kg. I know it’s not real weight, just water, salt, and a body trying to rebalance. It will pass within the next few days.

Such feasting will repeat through the next 2 weeks plus. And the thing about CNY meals is that it has its own rules. Aunties will push food to you. These are specially cooked “for you”, she will say. And it will be rude to say no, even ungrateful, considering how you have been specially invited to her family reunion. And it’s not just one meal. There will be a couple more. In such instances, respect, courtesy and relationships must take priority over discipline.

Then again, it’s CNY! It’s about family and relationships and food is just how we celebrate it. I guess staying mindful is the best I can do.

Grateful - 9 Feb: Mixed Emotions

It’s so nice to be able to meet up with my old army mates. Friendships formed when we were younger were so much purer, and despite the different directions our lives have taken, we are still able to see one another for who we truly are - not based on factors such as wealth or social status. That is what makes our annual meet-ups so much fun. This was the highlight of the day that I am most thankful for. So here’s today’s list:

• Old army mates. Met up with my army mates for our annual CNY reunion dinner. It was a great catch-up, and it was good to see everyone again after all this time. There were five of us, but we drank seven jugs of beer over dinner - I’m feeling so bloated now! Most importantly, I met up with a close friend who has been by my side through 40 years of friendship. He has been based in the US since the mid-90s and returns home yearly with his wife. I have never failed to meet him whenever he is back. We met an hour earlier to catch up before the dinner proper. So nice.

• Zoom recording. I spent the whole morning preparing and submitting my post-training documents, but I had a rude shock when I realised that I had made an error the day before and failed to take attendance for my learners’ assessment. There was nothing much I could do except inform the company about my mistake. Looking on the positive side, I was glad I discovered the error and was able to provide an update - all because I took the time to review the Zoom recording. The error was discovered by chance, but I’m thankful it came to light, thanks to the video recording.

• Meditation. I managed to meditate again this morning after missing it for two days. It felt good to return to the practice. I skipped it over the past two days because I wanted to head out for my walk before sunrise, when the air was cooler.

I thought it would be a simple day, but it turned out otherwise. By the end of it, I had experienced fun, anxiety, and calm - very contrasting indeed!

Grateful - 8 Feb: Training & Presence

After days of preparation, I finally completed conducting two days of online training. I am totally worn out by now. For today, I am thankful for the following:

• Being calm. I was calm and composed throughout the day, and much of this was due to my pre-training routine before the training started. These included a nice morning walk, a slow breakfast, systematically going through my mental checklist to ensure all training administration was in order, and making sure my personal logistics were taken care of (eg, having my drinks and snacks prepared) before class began. I have drilled these routines into myself so thoroughly that they have become second nature.

• Being present. Starting the day slow and deliberate allowed me to be fully in the moment during class contact time. I was able to share my experiences and thoughts easily whenever questions were raised, as my mind was not distracted by non-training-related matters. The learners subscribed to the course, and the least I could do was to ensure they took away a good and positive learning experience. I am glad that I was present in that moment to do that.

• Deeply fulfilling. It was non-stop engagement from the morning: conducting training, facilitating activities, administering games, ensuring training admin ran smoothly, conducting assessments, marking, and doing oral recovery for some learners. I ended class only at 7pm feeling deeply fulfilled, knowing that my learners had had positive experiences over the two days. The icing of the cake came to me during lunch when another trainer texted me to share that one of her ex-students (who was in my class) said she really enjoyed my session.

I suppose only trainers can truly appreciate and understand the amount of preparation required to deliver a good session. This is probably similar to many things in life - that behind every success (be it an event, activity, or occasion), the amount of preparation is tremendous. Every effort put in contributes to the final experience delivered.

Updated Title & Tagline

Once again, I’ve renamed my blog. 

This is the third change since I started writing in 2005. In the early days, it was called “Be Happy”. It felt right then. But as I kept writing, I realised it sounded more like an instruction than a reality - an aim I wasn’t always able to reach. So I refined it to “Being Happy”. That felt more present. With time, even that no longer resonated. Many of my entries were anything but happy. Life was fuller, more complicated than that. So I renamed the blog “Moments”, adding a quiet explanation “…of my life”.  That title stayed with me for almost a decade. 

In its latest revision, I’ve renamed it “Space”, with the tagline: “Life, one moment at a time”.  “Space”, as the word suggests, is my little corner to pause, to notice, and to simply be. It’s where I capture life's moments - big, small, messy, quiet, past, present, or imagined - without needing to tidy them up or make sense of everything at once. The tagline keeps me grounded. After decades of entries, one thing is clear: life is messy. It isn’t a single story, nor does it move in a straight line. It is a collection of moments, each worth paying attention to. Some make me smile. Some make me think. Some make me stop. I’ve tried to honour all of them here. 

This latest revision perhaps reflect a more mature me? Maybe. It definitely resonate better with me at this point in time.

Grateful - 7 Feb: Training

I am feeling very exhausted and drained now. This is largely due to the training that I conducted today. I will be conducting the second and final day of training tomorrow but I am ready for it. For today's training, I am thankful for the following:

• Class energy & participative learners. I am glad to note that there were learners who were serious about learning and chose to pay attention during class and participate wholeheartedly in the learning activities. Their energy and curiosity spoke volumes about their desire to learn and to take charge of their own learning process. In contrast, there were also those who were uncooperative, chose to take shortcuts (e.g., using AI instead of engaging in proper discussions), or consistently “disappeared” from class (e.g., turning off their cameras and giving excuses for not being present).

• Awareness & self management. For the less-than-ideal learners, I am thankful I was on top of my emotions and did not lose my cool. I was firm and calm as I chided them for not being participative. I clearly called out my displeasure and explained my expectations of them as learners. I believe I handled myself relatively well. My position was clear: I will do my part to teach and to impart my knowledge and experience. However, if you, as a learner, choose not to seize the opportunity to learn or to participate in the activities I have designed, you are the one who will lose out in the long run. I made it a point to impress upon them that I was not looking at answers, but at the process they go through to discuss, reflect, and understand the challenges that arise when theories are applied on the ground. AI cannot help with this, as it requires each learner to share their own thoughts and justify their inputs.

• Smooth technology. I am thankful that, by and large, the technology went as I had planned. The Wi-Fi and mesh worked wonderfully, and I did not experience any drop in connectivity despite the large class size and the need to project not just PowerPoint slides, but also videos, sounds, and images. There were moments when the Zoom screen disappeared and I panicked slightly, but thankfully this happened close to lunchtime. I managed to carry on until then, when I could investigate what went wrong. I ended up learning a bit more about Zoom and its behaviour.

The above are the key points I'm grateful for for today's training. They are very much centred on the class and my experiences managing the learners. While the session was draining, I must add that I walked away feeling more confident about the lesson and the theories. It reinforced the notion that to learn, one must teach. I can definitely attest to that.

Grateful - 6 Feb: Productive

I had a productive and an interesting day - preparing for training, coaching my fellow trainer, attending a local toastmasters event, etc and I end the day feeling grateful for it. Here’re the 3 things I wanna call out:

• I thank ML for inviting me to her presentation. It provided me an opportunity to observe how a local toastmasters chapter conduct their meeting. It was interesting seeing the enthusiasm shown by the members. For an introverted person like me, such events would be too draining for me. But in the short session I was there, I was glad I learned something about public speaking.

• Thankful that the sky broke today (and yesterday for that matter)! It’s been a long couple of scorching hot and dry weeks and it’s starting to get a bit uncomfortable. So the respite brought about by the short but intense rain was very much welcomed. Hopefully, it will alleviate the haze and the smell for the next few days.

• Last but not least, I am grateful for the leftover food in my fridge! Been busy and didn’t have time to cook my meals and the leftovers was a lifesaver. Just put them into the microwave and walah! My dinner was ready!

I will be busy conducting training through the weekend. Let’s hope everything goes smooth!

可爱的人生

This song has been repeating in my head for a while now. It appeared in my youtube and this is from the original singer. It certainly resonates with me! 

你不要哭哭啼啼过一生 

一定要哈哈嘻嘻过一生 

啊虽然是人人的看法不同 

哦 终归是可爱的人生 

得意的时候要抬起了头 

失意的时候也不必担忧 

安安乐乐地度过难关 

安安乐乐地度过难关 

哦 可爱的人生可爱人生 

让我来祝福你的人生 

你不要痴心妄想过一生 

一定要脚踏实地过一生 

啊虽然是人人的想法不同 

哦 终归是可爱的人生 

只要是一双手不怕吃苦 

只要是经得起暴雨狂风 

说说笑笑地度过难关 

说说笑笑地度过难关 

哦 可爱的人生可爱人生 

让我来祝福你的人生 

I find the lyrics encouraging and uplifting although another friend thought it’s a tad emo… Here’s the English translation: 

Don't live your life in tears, 

Live your life with laughter and joy. 

Ah, though everyone's perspective is different, 

Oh, it's still a lovely life.

When you're successful, hold your head high. 

When you're down, don't worry. 

Overcome difficulties peacefully and happily. 

Overcome difficulties peacefully and happily. 

Oh, lovely life, lovely life. 

Let me bless your life. 

Don't live a life of unrealistic dreams, 

Live your life with your feet on the ground. 

Ah, though everyone's perspective is different, 

Oh, it's still a lovely life. 

As long as you have two hands and aren't afraid of hardship, 

As long as you can withstand storms and gales, 

Overcome difficulties with laughter and joy. 

Overcome difficulties with laughter and joy. 

Oh, lovely life, lovely life. 

Let me bless your life.

Listen to the song here: 可爱人生https://ip.lidicity.com/hj/cn/keaiderensheng.html 

Grateful - 5 Feb: People

Today, I want to focus on people. I’m grateful to:

• J for arranging dinner. It was a really nice meet up and the chat was long overdue. I appreciate his concerns and how he previously visited me with dinner and all. It’s lovely to know he is doing well and enjoying his life the best he can. It’s such a contrast to the J I spoke with last year. So happy to see him as he is today! 

• S for allowing me the opportunity to guide her in her training preparation. She’ll be conducting her first training this weekend and I do not wish for her to experience what I went through during my first run. As trainers, we do not know what we do not know when it comes to training admin. It would be catastrophic and morale breaking if, after all the preparations, the course goes awry due to training admin. I’m grateful she’s open enough to let me guide her. Have shared some admin pointers via WhatsApp today and will be doing a zoom call with her tomorrow.

• My sis and brother-in-law for visiting. They’ve made it a point to visit me once every week or two. Today, we chatted about our experiences during our young adult days. Interestingly, while my sis and I shared some common memories, there were also some that I didn’t know about and vice versa. I also learned some interesting things about my brother-in-law: his NS days, his childhood home, etc. It’s probably the first time that we spoke about such things. 

A simple day that was made more meaningful by people around me. There are others such as A, B, D, M, etc who chatted/ texted over WhatsApp, checking in on me, bantering etc. and to them, I give my thanks too!

Suntanning Pigeon

I always find it very interesting to see pigeons sitting on the park connectors sunning themselves. At times, I even see them seated with their wings spread open or tilted sideways to sun their bellies. And they just quietly sit and stay still through the afternoon. With their dark feathers, don’t their bodies get overheated? I also wonder if they ever get heat stroke… 

Grateful - 4 Feb: Routines

It's a routine day for me. And on this routine day, I give thanks to:

• Predictability. As a freelancer, a typical “routine” day when I’m not working would look like this: wake up, meditate, breakfast, time at my own disposal, prepare lunch, lunch, coffee, a mid-day walk or exercise, rest, more time at my own disposal, prepare dinner, dinner, even more time at my own disposal, read, reflect, and sleep. It’s a routine I’ve grown accustomed to, and frankly speaking, while it may be a tad boring, it works well for me. It’s predictable - no surprises, no stress - good for the soul, and it certainly gives me time to catch up with myself and my thoughts. So yes, I had a routine day today, and I’m thankful for that.

• Flexibility. The nice thing about routine days is that I have full flexibility to do what I want. In the schedule above, I’ve indicated “time at my own disposal,” which simply translates to - whatever I feel like doing at that moment. More often than not, that would be gardening, housework, watching TV/ Netflix, or even lazy (some would call it self-maintenance or mental well-being time). This is the kind of flexibility I didn’t have when I was fully employed. Today, I managed to catch up on work admin and preparation, write reports, attend an online event, etc. Work admin and reports are largely mundane but necessary tasks that require attention and time.

• The sunny, clear sky. As weird as it may sound, I’m grateful for the sunny sky today because it allowed me to take an afternoon topless walk and get a nice tan in the process. I’ve been walking almost daily since mid-2025 to keep my weight in check and improve my health. And since I’m walking anyway, why not do it during lunchtime and get a bit of sun while I’m at it, right? I haven’t been able to do this as often as I’d like recently, so it was really nice to be able to do so again today. 

On reflection, I’d say it was a routine but productive day for me, despite it being a routine one.

Grateful - 3 Feb: Simple Joys

I had a fun day today, cycling at East Coast Park, and I want to give thanks to:

• My friend D, who suggested cycling. He thought it would be good to get our friend, who is unwell, out for some fresh air. It turned out to be a really good outing - not just because of the sun, the wind, and all that, but more importantly, because it was nice to see everyone being active, happily chatting, and quietly caring for one another. It’s the kind of friendship that isn’t very verbally expressive, but is shown in subtle ways. I’m really glad to have these two friends.

• The simplest things in life - the coffee I drank, the food I cooked and ate, and, for that matter, the water that keeps me alive and hydrated. These are things we rarely pay much attention to, but without them, we probably wouldn’t be around for long.

• Reflecting on these basics, I’m also reminded of - and deeply grateful for - all the conditions that must come together before they are available to us: the source, processing, delivery, technology, and the people behind it all.

So yeah, it’s a relatively shorter post today, but no less meaningful.

Love & Relationship

I have been watching the series "Boyfriend" for sometime. The current run is the second season and it's coming to an end soon. In today's episode, one of the guy said:

You can love alone, but you cannot have a relationship alone.

I thought this sentence is very well constructed, even as it is rather impromptu. It's something that we all know but I suspect we don't usually get to articulate it this way. Not me, at least. And I agree totally.

Cycling @ East Coast

I went cycling with 2 friends at the East Coast Park earlier. We only cycled for an hour - from Marine Cove (where MacD is located) to Bedok Jetty and back - but it was really fun. We had the cycling lanes almost exclusively to ourselves as it was a weekday and there was minimal people there. And best of all, I got to bask in the nice hot sun without any discomfort as the wind was superbly strong.

Such a lovely afternoon!

Picture from https://handlinefishing.com/wheretofish/shoresandjetties/bedokjetty.htm

Grateful - 2 Feb: Festivity

Today, I did quite a bit of spring cleaning and for my afternoon break, instead heading for my usual afternoon walk, I took a bus and just alighted when I felt like it. I ended with a most interesting afternoon before finally heading back to my usual coffee shop for my coffee. As such, in my journal today, I want to give thanks to the following:

• The sights and sounds of the Chinese New Year bazaar that I experienced while visiting a neighbourhood centre near my place. What a sight it was - the red lanterns, decorations, and not to mention the New Year cookies, fruits, and flowers in full glory! There was such a lively and energetic atmosphere. I simply love this time of the year as we prepare for the festival.

• A special shout-out to the coffee shop cashier auntie who never fails to smile and tell me, “You are always the fastest with the PayNow app!” LOL! You see, I visit the coffee shop near my home daily for my dose of kopi-o kosong, and I usually make my digital payment even before placing my order. This always makes auntie very happy, as she tends to get impatient - especially when the queue is long. So yes, thank you, auntie, for being cheerful and kind to me always!

• A most fruitful day of spring cleaning. I started my morning washing the toilet next to the kitchen and ended my day cleaning more of my kitchen. As of now, I am especially pleased that I have almost completed cleaning my kitchen! This include the kitchen cabinets (inside and out, including all their contents, cutlery, plates, bowls, etc) and the shelves. I’ve also sharpened and cleaned the knives, removed the oil and grime from the stove, and cleaned the fridge, microwave oven, air fryer, rice cooker, and many, many more items. It has taken me a few days to reach where I am. Probably just a bit of touching up here and there before finally washing the floor, and then I’ll be done!

The spontaneity allowed me a good and refreshing change from the usual routines. Perhaps I should do this more often in future. Goodnight!

Talking about Life & Death

I’ve a friend who often talked about his fears regarding what happens after a person passes on and what the afterlife experience is like. Will it be painful? Or…

It is probably a topic none of us alive can ever advise. But having recently read deeper on Buddhism, I was able to understand conceptually the idea of consciousness and what happens to it after the physical body dies. I met up with him again last week and this topic came up again. I told him that using our human senses to frame the experiences of the next journey - whether it will be painful or otherwise - is probably not the wisest thing to do as the physical body is no longer present. Instead, I suggested he should channel his energies to the present and live his life to the best.

Today, he texted me to thank me for the chat. He also said that he is less fearful now. I gave him an analogy - that falling asleep and waking up is a cycle all of us goes through daily. And we may have dreams or nightmares when we sleep, but we will wake up again eventually. This would be similar when it comes to the cycle of life and death. Dying is akin to falling asleep, and we dream (good or bad will depend on whether we were good or bad during our lifetime). And then, we will wake up again, as a baby. 

It’s an off the cuff analogy, very much based on my current understanding of Buddhism’s interpretation of life and death. I’m sure there are other more informed views but I’m glad I can help him better frame his thoughts and lessen his fears. 

Fish Eye

I had my first fish eye today.

Was it good? Hmmm… the texture was gelatinous and gooey! Since young, my mum would gush about how nice fish eyes taste. I, on the other hand, could never get past gorging the eye out of the head, much less putting it into my mouth! It felt like a scene direct out of an Indiana Jones movie! So no… until today.

I took a bus out with no agenda except that I wanted to take a break from my usual afternoon walk. I decided to alight at a nearby neighbourhood center. I had eaten at a Japanese restaurant there before and thought why not have a quick lunch there. After all, the food was decent and nice. 

I decided to be adventurous and ordered the salmon head soup. The soup came and I was given another empty bowl. This is for the bones, said the auntie. Wow! so drama! I thought to myself. When I started eating, I realized how laborious the whole process was - all the bones and scales! And then the eye floated into view… the eye ball, lens and all!

Anyway, it was an interesting experience. Will I have it again? Probably not, unless pushed. But at least I can say I’ve tried it.

Ps: Picture shows what’s left of the head after stripping off all the skin and meat. Can you spot the eye socket?

Grateful - 1 Feb: Engaging & Fun

I’m feeling a little tired now, but before I retire, I want to capture three things I’m grateful for today. 

• I am grateful to the facilitator and my classmates at the Singapore Buddhist Federation (SBF) for today’s class a highly engaging one. Many concepts and points were covered but the real learnings came from everybody’s sharing of their experiences. For eg, we discussed the importance of cultivating ourselves so that we are conscious of our emotions and able to recognize them as they arise. This awareness allows us to manage our emotions instead of being controlled by them. We all agreed that this is easier said than done, and that it requires consistent training of the mind.

• I am grateful for the interesting experiences and sights around the Geylang area. I went to SBF for class and decided to alight at PLQ Mall, taking a short walk to SBF instead. The walk started at Paya Lebar MRT and ended in the heart of Geylang. Paya Lebar is a Malay heartland, and I saw a large congregation of Indonesian domestic workers picnicking by the roadside under the shade of trees. It was a once-a-week affair, as today was their day off. As I moved into Geylang proper, the scene changed to lorongs and shophouses, coffee shops, and a couple of mosques. Along with this, the profile of people I saw also changed. Instead of mostly Indonesians, I saw a more heterogeneous mix of people - South Asian migrant workers, local Chinese, PRCs, as well as Malays at the mosques. Such contrasting scenes are very unique and can only happen in Singapore and Malaysia.

• Lastly, I am grateful for the warm yet breezy weather. Without it, none of the above would have happened. It was also because of the pleasant weather that I was able to walk back to PLQ from SBF, and in the process, get a nice workout. Reflecting on it, I was literally killing many birds with one stone - I enjoyed interesting sights, got a good walk and workout, and even discovered a nice park connector linking Paya Lebar MRT to Aljunied MRT. 

All in all, I had a good day today. It was engaging and fun. 

Goodnight!