load off

it's a good start to the year.

i shared with a family friend about everything in the household and she finally understood the magnitude of the burden i have been shouldering all these while. this is a family friend who had been keeping in touch with every single one of us for the last 40-over years. she was my second sis's secondary school classmate and a neighbor that lived in the block opposite mine back since 1979.

through these years, her family and ours have been kept in touch and she had seen how we were brought up. and in a large way, she sees my parents as hers too. added to that, till today, she keeps close contact with every single one of my siblings. and she's the only single person who has been patient enough to manage my brother (although she gets scoldings from him at times) and go out with my eldest sister. and she has always been aware that all my siblings take what my mum say literally. and being a nurse, she knew the challenges i have been facing but did not ask too much. 

and today, after visiting my mum and before i dropped her off her place, i told everything she needed to know about my mum's condition, her medical history, about my second sis's cancer, etc etc etc. the thing about knowing something and yet not being able to tell can a a torture in itself. the curse of knowledge, i call it. and i said so cos there are some issues that my second sis shared but then told me not to tell, and then tell, but don't go into details… the kinda vagueness. it can be very damaging. i totally dislike hiding things here and there. it is very stressful to me.

anyway, after sharing with her the details, she finally understood the magnitude of the many issues i have been keeping. well, nothing was solve per se through this sharing. but it still allowed me to vent. she promised me to help influence my siblings in whatever ways she can discreetly and help to inform them of mum's condition. and before she left, she told me that if need be, she would be very happy to help "babysit" mum if i needed to take a breather.

it felt good to talk it out. especially to someone who can understand. 

:-)