today, all of us (me and my siblings) met up with the social service co-ordinator to listen to her advise on the options possible for my dad. he is deemed sufficiently fit for discharge but with lots of qualifiers of additional care, etc etc etc. it was an excellent session. one that allowed each and everyone of us to understand the options, the cost involved and who's the best person to solve the issue. in a way, she facilitated the sharing and thru it, allayed our apprehensions of domestic helps, of nursing homes, and so on.
to me, the best part of this sharing was not so much about allowing the social service co-ordinator understand our dilemmas, but rather, it allowed us (especially me) to indirectly tell my siblings all the tensions and problems i had faced over the past years as the primary caregiver; and for me to make them understand how they had taken me for granted. also, it convinced my siblings that it is not at all a viable option to just assume that a domestic help would solve all the issues. there are also issues of ensuring the house is elderly-safe, costs, commitment, time... the co-ordinator stated very clearly that my dad cannot stay alone at home and that he needs someone who is fit and strong enough to be with him 24-hours a day. it was an interesting conversation that showed the colours of each and everyone. that is another story altogether. sad. disappointing. but i accept it as a fact of life.
by the end of the sharing, we all finally agreed that we should engage a nurse-trained domestic help and that we should house him in my brother's house because of the physical constraints of my house (such as toilet and bathing space too small, corridor too narrow). there is also a need to do minor modifications to my brother's house to make it elderly-safe. in the meantime, while we source for the domestic help, we will house him in a nursing home. we also agreed that we will split the cost of taking care of my dad... (altho i really do not know how this will unfold...)
once this option was presented to my dad, he cried. it took a little while to convince him that we really needed the time to settle the preparations and source for the domestic help and that we are not trying to get rid of him. in the end, he accepted. let's see how these new arrangements unfold. for a start, my mum was rather uneasy and is already thinking of packing up and staying with my brother...
to me, the best part of this sharing was not so much about allowing the social service co-ordinator understand our dilemmas, but rather, it allowed us (especially me) to indirectly tell my siblings all the tensions and problems i had faced over the past years as the primary caregiver; and for me to make them understand how they had taken me for granted. also, it convinced my siblings that it is not at all a viable option to just assume that a domestic help would solve all the issues. there are also issues of ensuring the house is elderly-safe, costs, commitment, time... the co-ordinator stated very clearly that my dad cannot stay alone at home and that he needs someone who is fit and strong enough to be with him 24-hours a day. it was an interesting conversation that showed the colours of each and everyone. that is another story altogether. sad. disappointing. but i accept it as a fact of life.
by the end of the sharing, we all finally agreed that we should engage a nurse-trained domestic help and that we should house him in my brother's house because of the physical constraints of my house (such as toilet and bathing space too small, corridor too narrow). there is also a need to do minor modifications to my brother's house to make it elderly-safe. in the meantime, while we source for the domestic help, we will house him in a nursing home. we also agreed that we will split the cost of taking care of my dad... (altho i really do not know how this will unfold...)
once this option was presented to my dad, he cried. it took a little while to convince him that we really needed the time to settle the preparations and source for the domestic help and that we are not trying to get rid of him. in the end, he accepted. let's see how these new arrangements unfold. for a start, my mum was rather uneasy and is already thinking of packing up and staying with my brother...
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