at the hospital, my dad was in a state where he no longer recognizes people. he was awake, and moving and his eyes opening and closing. not unlike a person who is in a state between being asleep and awake. but he didn't seemed to know who is around him at all. spoke to kl about the options we have. he shared with me his experience with manging his his grandma and her eventual demise. and about managing the aftermath of whatever decision we take. it might be one of guilt, it might be one of relieve... whatever it is, i should not be deciding alone and that whatever the decision taken, the family has to agree to it in unison. this is the type of response i want. i am clear of the medical issues and the conditions. things are definitely not favourable. but i want someone who is able to share his views based on very human factors. someone who can speak objectively in medical terms and yet give a human touch to help me decide.
surrounding the bed were my siblings, my 3rd aunt (my dad's sis), my family friend, and so on. following my talk with kl, i called for the doctor who has been looking after my dad. gathered my family and asked the doctor to explain to us again the options we have. she broached the topic of either letting him be (and of cos making sure he is comfortable and continue to treat him with antibiotics) and the option of icu where he would be hooked onto life-support machines when his condition deteriorates further. she added that the icu option will however not improve his liver nor his kidneys and that given his current state, it could also be dangerous. it was then that everyone around agreed that we should leave him as he is and make him as comfortable as he is and that he is not in pain.
and at different time of the visit, everyone around were talking about his life. my brother talked about how he has managed to bring my dad out to eat what he likes, my aunt spoke about how my dad has touched their lives, and so on. this time round, compared to 7-8 years ago when my dad vomited blood and went into a coma, it seemed like everyone is able to accept that his time has arrived. the only one that is still clinging to hope was my second sis. despite the talk of letting him slip off, she still harbours hopes of a miracle. while she said she didn't want to play god, she came across as inconsistent at times. at one stage, she said we should sent him to icu and see if it can revive him, even if it is for 1-2 days. this way, he will be able to see his family members again. then she added that if after 1-2 days, he fail to revive, we could then consider pulling off the plug... contradicting. but well, i guess she is clinging to whatever hope left. she smsed me to tell me that she has not given up hope of a miracle. hmmmm... perhaps she has watched to much tv serial... or perhaps it is a result of her faith.
observing everyone's response, i can say that this time round, everyone is seeking their own closure and in a way, everyone is trying to manage themselves insofar as accepting the eventual departure of my dad.
what i find difficult to handle is the herd instinct - when one cries, everyone starts tearing. me too. and so what this happens, i will turn away and let everyone gain their composure before talking again.
my other worry is my mum. she is suffering from all the mobility problems and find it very difficult to visit my dad. what is more worrying is how will she be able to manage the eventual demise. yup, granted that she had spoken to my dad about it and is accepting of his departure, i can still foresee her being badly affected when he eventually leaves.
time is ticking. it may be a few hours, a few days but definitely not a few weeks.
surrounding the bed were my siblings, my 3rd aunt (my dad's sis), my family friend, and so on. following my talk with kl, i called for the doctor who has been looking after my dad. gathered my family and asked the doctor to explain to us again the options we have. she broached the topic of either letting him be (and of cos making sure he is comfortable and continue to treat him with antibiotics) and the option of icu where he would be hooked onto life-support machines when his condition deteriorates further. she added that the icu option will however not improve his liver nor his kidneys and that given his current state, it could also be dangerous. it was then that everyone around agreed that we should leave him as he is and make him as comfortable as he is and that he is not in pain.
and at different time of the visit, everyone around were talking about his life. my brother talked about how he has managed to bring my dad out to eat what he likes, my aunt spoke about how my dad has touched their lives, and so on. this time round, compared to 7-8 years ago when my dad vomited blood and went into a coma, it seemed like everyone is able to accept that his time has arrived. the only one that is still clinging to hope was my second sis. despite the talk of letting him slip off, she still harbours hopes of a miracle. while she said she didn't want to play god, she came across as inconsistent at times. at one stage, she said we should sent him to icu and see if it can revive him, even if it is for 1-2 days. this way, he will be able to see his family members again. then she added that if after 1-2 days, he fail to revive, we could then consider pulling off the plug... contradicting. but well, i guess she is clinging to whatever hope left. she smsed me to tell me that she has not given up hope of a miracle. hmmmm... perhaps she has watched to much tv serial... or perhaps it is a result of her faith.
observing everyone's response, i can say that this time round, everyone is seeking their own closure and in a way, everyone is trying to manage themselves insofar as accepting the eventual departure of my dad.
what i find difficult to handle is the herd instinct - when one cries, everyone starts tearing. me too. and so what this happens, i will turn away and let everyone gain their composure before talking again.
my other worry is my mum. she is suffering from all the mobility problems and find it very difficult to visit my dad. what is more worrying is how will she be able to manage the eventual demise. yup, granted that she had spoken to my dad about it and is accepting of his departure, i can still foresee her being badly affected when he eventually leaves.
time is ticking. it may be a few hours, a few days but definitely not a few weeks.
No comments:
Post a Comment