not me

there are many things i did over the past two days that i have never done before. and i reckon i am behaving as such becos i have reached my threshold and that if i don't do it, i would either end up going insane or end up killing someone. now, let's see what i did...

• i cannot but label my brother `scumbag'... cannot find a better word to describe him. finally, all the things he has done behind our back is slowly coming out... no need to go into details. just enough to make me give him a label. and that in itself is something i have refrain from doing to people.

• i threatened to destroy my eldest sis's family if she insists on converting my dad again. enough is enough. despite all the pleading not to preach and try to convert my dad at a time when he is sick and confused... and to let him die peacefully, she has, yet again, asked her church people to come to the hospital to preach and to pray for him. come on, she has not seen how the old man fell to the floor and cry. how he kept saying he is being forced by her to convert despite him not wanting to do it. how he kept saying he wanted to be with his mother (my ah ma) and father (my ah gong) when he dies. and she has not even understood the length to which he had given instructions about how he wanted to be sent off... buddhist funeral, cremation, ashes to be kept at lim chu kang, etc. understand her good intentions, but if she wanted to do it, at least make sure he is coherent and of sound mind... not at this time of his life and confuse him... also, i don't agree with my brother-in-law that she's doing this because she is staunch. i'd rather think she is crazy. how could she possibly advise my parents not to take their medication and just pray. for according to her, by praying, they will be rid of all their illness (depression, cancer, kidney failure, etc etc etc)... wtf!
  

• spoke at length with my second sis and told her that it is really up to her now to let go of her past baggage caused by my dad. something we seldom talk about amongst our siblings. but something i wanted to share with her now. and to also tell her that once both my parents pass on, i will disappear from their lives.

• i now totally ignore my eldest sister. cannot accept how she now turn around to me and tell me that i only have myself to blame to come to this state of affairs in managing my finances, my house, etc. and that i can only blame myself and not them for their perceiving that i am a very very rich person because of my position and that i live in a condo. i cannot accept all these nonsense from her cos she has all along been the only one that i share all my tensions. and that i continue to live in a condo so that i can continue to provide quality living for both my parents. and have, considering all my siblings individual issues, taken the sole responsibility to provide for my parents, their medical bills, their daily needs, etc for her to now turn and bite me when i ask for support, i felt very betrayed. things like this changes a person. and for me, it kills a part of me and hardens me in a way nothing else could... well, apart from coming out.