facing death

earlier on, while lying in bed next to my mum, i asked her - do you feel afraid of death? do you feel scared seeing your siblings die, one by one? and do you feel afraid now that you are seeing death coming dad's way?... well, not exactly those words per se, but you get the idea.

and surprising, she replied that she's not. i took the opportunity to share with her how buddhist teachings advocate managing death. and i decided to push the limit and started to talk about managing my dad's eventual demise. surprisingly, she shared that my dad had spoken to her about it and that he had left some words about how we should manage his funeral. also, she told me that my brother will be arranging for the funeral. must say that i am rather relieved to hear her talk about it. i think she has come to accept the fact that he will not be with us much longer. told her not to `kek sim'... and to manage it as it comes. consoled her that my dad has had a good life and that he is fortunate to have lived this long after his last major operation in 2001.

i must admit that despite all the talk, i am myself worried about my mum. will she be lonely? will she be able to manage herself? there are just too many questions...

and for now, i have no answers...