finally signed the letter of offer today. will start work on 1 june.
:-)
:-)
Thursday, 20 May 2010
mum's discharged
mum was discharged earlier. been give loads of medications. diagnosed as acute bronchitis. to be reviewed by doctor again this coming monday.
time to rest. i am tired.
time to rest. i am tired.
selective memory
what does a person say on his/ her death bed?
well, from my experience dealing with dying people, they would always remember and relate things that had hurt them before, things that worries them, things that irked them... that, to me, reflects the experiences they had in life that impacted them to the point that it stayed in their memory. these are very selective and reflect their perspective of things, regardless of whether they are real or percieved.
so...
well, from my experience dealing with dying people, they would always remember and relate things that had hurt them before, things that worries them, things that irked them... that, to me, reflects the experiences they had in life that impacted them to the point that it stayed in their memory. these are very selective and reflect their perspective of things, regardless of whether they are real or percieved.
so...
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
mum's better
mum was a lot better today compared to yesterday. this morning, the nurse told her that if all goes well, she should be ok for discharge tomorrow. but after lunch, she started complaining of chest pains after drinking soya bean milk that my sis bought for her. asked her to tell it to the doctor and if possible to stay for one or two more days to make sure her bronchitis and her chest is ok before discharging.
:-)
:-)
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
bronchitis
today was an interesting and very kancheong (anxious) day.
you see, for whatever reasons, i decided to drive today instead of taking public transport. i went over to visit mum early and decided that i should cook her favourite zhi cha noodle for her. she loved it and ate every bit of the noodle. after that we spend some good time chatting as she watched her favourite tv programme. mum was really cheerful and chatty. i left after that at about 12.15pm to meet up with damien for lunch at lot one. and i decided to get a haircut there too, something that i have never done before. we walked around the place before we left. and as i walked to the car park, i chanced upon my ex-colleagues and ended up chatting with them for some 15min. it was then that i got a call.
it was a call from my domestic help. she sounded very kancheong. she said my mum wanted me to bring her to see our family gp at marine parade and that she wanted me to bring her there. she then passed the phone to my mum to speak to me. mum's voice sounded really course and she was breathing really hard. she asked me to pick her up immediately. i was so lucky to have my car and to be still so near to my brother's place. i rushed over right awar. when i arrived, mum was wrapped in a towel. she said she was very cold. i took her hands. they were very warm. i sensed something wrong. looking at her, i decided that i should sent her to the sgh a&e immediately. but mum had a mind of her own. she insisted on going to the gp so that she could ask for a `simple injection'. i managed to `coax' her out of this along the way. i constantly kept watch at her as i drove. it was obvious that her condition was deteriorating very fast. her face was getting paler by the minutes and her breathing was getting very erratic. as i drove, i have to sound calm and behave normally. i told myself i could not afford to make her, or for that matter, the domestic help, panic. yet i was worried deep inside that she might just faint in my car. despite this, i joked. i chatted. i cajouled her to talk. i had to continue engaging her in the conversation despite her breathlessness. i was worried she might get unconscious.
we arrived at the sgh a&e and the medic that came out immediately wheeled her to the triage. she overtook the long queue and was immediately attended to by the doctor-in-charge. in no time, mum was rushed into the critical care ward where another doctor took over her case. she was put on warm oxygen immediately and given 2 injections to stabilize her condtion as they did more tests. initially, they suspected it was a heart attack, or pneumonia, or fluid in her lungs, etc. whatever the case, we were told that she would need to be warded. she was sent for several tests including chest x-rays, ecg, blood tests and so on. it was not until 5plus when the doctor-in-charge came out and gave me his assessment. the blood tests results were not out yet. but the x-rays showed her lungs to be not much different from the last time (dec 09). the ecg also showed her heart to be ok. the initial assessment was that it was bronchitis. they needed to keep her to monitor and treat her.
by the time i did all the warding admin and settled her into the ward, it was way pass 7.30pm. it was rather exhausting. but i was happy that mum was ok. thinking back, i thought it was more than a coincidence that i decided to drive, that i decided to spent so much time at lot one... well, i guessed it's mum's good karma that all these happened. for now, she is resting well at the hospital. i hope she gets well soon.
:-)
you see, for whatever reasons, i decided to drive today instead of taking public transport. i went over to visit mum early and decided that i should cook her favourite zhi cha noodle for her. she loved it and ate every bit of the noodle. after that we spend some good time chatting as she watched her favourite tv programme. mum was really cheerful and chatty. i left after that at about 12.15pm to meet up with damien for lunch at lot one. and i decided to get a haircut there too, something that i have never done before. we walked around the place before we left. and as i walked to the car park, i chanced upon my ex-colleagues and ended up chatting with them for some 15min. it was then that i got a call.
it was a call from my domestic help. she sounded very kancheong. she said my mum wanted me to bring her to see our family gp at marine parade and that she wanted me to bring her there. she then passed the phone to my mum to speak to me. mum's voice sounded really course and she was breathing really hard. she asked me to pick her up immediately. i was so lucky to have my car and to be still so near to my brother's place. i rushed over right awar. when i arrived, mum was wrapped in a towel. she said she was very cold. i took her hands. they were very warm. i sensed something wrong. looking at her, i decided that i should sent her to the sgh a&e immediately. but mum had a mind of her own. she insisted on going to the gp so that she could ask for a `simple injection'. i managed to `coax' her out of this along the way. i constantly kept watch at her as i drove. it was obvious that her condition was deteriorating very fast. her face was getting paler by the minutes and her breathing was getting very erratic. as i drove, i have to sound calm and behave normally. i told myself i could not afford to make her, or for that matter, the domestic help, panic. yet i was worried deep inside that she might just faint in my car. despite this, i joked. i chatted. i cajouled her to talk. i had to continue engaging her in the conversation despite her breathlessness. i was worried she might get unconscious.
we arrived at the sgh a&e and the medic that came out immediately wheeled her to the triage. she overtook the long queue and was immediately attended to by the doctor-in-charge. in no time, mum was rushed into the critical care ward where another doctor took over her case. she was put on warm oxygen immediately and given 2 injections to stabilize her condtion as they did more tests. initially, they suspected it was a heart attack, or pneumonia, or fluid in her lungs, etc. whatever the case, we were told that she would need to be warded. she was sent for several tests including chest x-rays, ecg, blood tests and so on. it was not until 5plus when the doctor-in-charge came out and gave me his assessment. the blood tests results were not out yet. but the x-rays showed her lungs to be not much different from the last time (dec 09). the ecg also showed her heart to be ok. the initial assessment was that it was bronchitis. they needed to keep her to monitor and treat her.
by the time i did all the warding admin and settled her into the ward, it was way pass 7.30pm. it was rather exhausting. but i was happy that mum was ok. thinking back, i thought it was more than a coincidence that i decided to drive, that i decided to spent so much time at lot one... well, i guessed it's mum's good karma that all these happened. for now, she is resting well at the hospital. i hope she gets well soon.
:-)
job offer @ last
the hr girl finally got back. they have stuck to the original deal but would give me a s$200 increment after 6 months... will be signing the papers this thurs. will start work on 1 june.
:-)
:-)
Monday, 17 May 2010
still no calls
today, i tried to contact the hr girl who called me previously to negotiate the package. she was supposed to have called back last week as the md had made the decision on thur. but until today, she has not called. i smsed her at about 3 plus. she did not reply. and so at about 5 plus, i called her handphone. she did not pick up the call too. i called the consultancy management people who told me they will try to contact the vp hr (who is his friend).
this lack of response from the hr was rather unsettling. admittedly, i was worried about the clearance process. you see, there was this question about whether i had been charged in court before. from what i know, companies would ask such question to check a person's criminal background. i do not have a criminal record. but i took the blame for a stupid mistake that james did more than a decade ago and was charged in court for that. anyhow, i had asked the hr girl whether car park offences is considered and she said it is a small issue and shouldn't matter. so i ticked no. sighs. the lack of response is making me think of all sorts of possible reasons why they did not get back to me. then again, i told myself, if indeed my 'record' is the issue, i'd simply move on and look for another job.
but for now, i shall wait for the consultancy people to get back to me.
hmmmm...
keeping away
since leaving service, i have deliberately avoided any jobs that is related to my previous organisation or even government-linked organisations that is seemingly homophobic. this is becos i do not have the confidence in the security department to leave me alone. i believe they will continue to haunt me if i were to apply for any jobs in these government set-ups. i am a very wary of this because of a friend's experience. he left the organisation after being outed by them couple of years back and went on to work for a bank. all was well for a couple of years and last year, he left the bank to join a company that was set-up to organise an international games. once he joined the company, he was called up by the ceo and questioned about his intentions for joining them. i understood that he was asked if he joined them becos he was interested in the `boys'. when he told me about this, the only conclusion i came to was that the security department had passed information about his sexuality to the ceo of this company. he came clean with the ceo saying that he did not join them becos of the `boys' but rather for the experience and the opportunity to be part of a defining moment of our nation's history. well, this incident made me very very aware of the possibility of them becoming an obstacle to me when and if i were to join a government set-up.
thus, over the past 9 months, i have time and again rejected any calls by friends from within the organisation for me to join them despite many occasions where there were perfect skill-match. it was not worth a second thought. just today, i got a call from a friend. he is in the technology-related set-up of my previous employer and asked if i am keen to join him given that my background fits the requirements very well. needless to say, i told him i'd rather not for i am in the final stages of negotiating for a job. admittedly, i do see it as lost opportunities and i do have the slight tendency to want to be bitter about it. but time and again, i convinced myself that perhaps there was a larger force out there telling me and forcing me to make me break away from my comfort zone and to find a new direction in my life. push on. push on, i always remind myself. it is not a good idea to look back. it is high time to look forward and chart out my direction away from the organisation. move ahead and press on!
:-)
thus, over the past 9 months, i have time and again rejected any calls by friends from within the organisation for me to join them despite many occasions where there were perfect skill-match. it was not worth a second thought. just today, i got a call from a friend. he is in the technology-related set-up of my previous employer and asked if i am keen to join him given that my background fits the requirements very well. needless to say, i told him i'd rather not for i am in the final stages of negotiating for a job. admittedly, i do see it as lost opportunities and i do have the slight tendency to want to be bitter about it. but time and again, i convinced myself that perhaps there was a larger force out there telling me and forcing me to make me break away from my comfort zone and to find a new direction in my life. push on. push on, i always remind myself. it is not a good idea to look back. it is high time to look forward and chart out my direction away from the organisation. move ahead and press on!
:-)
good riddance?
over the last couple of week, i have quite a few people calling me and asking if i have accepted the offer or if i have any news from the security company. this was especially so for the consultant management people. when i related this to a close friend, he asked me to jokingly ask them if they are trying to get rid of me. heh heh... well, i thought it was rather clear they want to do so. but i'd rather see it as a case of them wanting to make sure things are smooth for me... heh heh. perspective. perspective. it is not time to question people's motive but rather, to make sure i move ahead with my life.
:-)
:-)
not pink-dotted
over the past weeks, some of my friends excitedly asked if i would be attending the pink dot. well, i could understand their excitement. i was as excited as them. it was after all a signature event for us singaporean gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transexuals (glbts). and this year's theme of family was something that i was rather happy about.
but i decided i would not attend the event. no, it was not a case of me not being supportive. rather, i did not attend the event as i was aware that james and jack (who was this year's pink dot spokesperson), and for that matter, dominic were involved in the event organisation. i thought it would be rather awkward on both my part as well as for james when and if we were to meet. also (and probably the main reason), i really did not want to see dominic (james’ close friend). i guessed i still have not got over how he overstepped the boundaries as a friend and interfered in my relationship with james as well as how he chided me and passed all the negative comments about me when i broke off with james. so... anyway, i am glad the event turned out very well! kudos to the organisers and the glbt community in singapore!
:-)
but i decided i would not attend the event. no, it was not a case of me not being supportive. rather, i did not attend the event as i was aware that james and jack (who was this year's pink dot spokesperson), and for that matter, dominic were involved in the event organisation. i thought it would be rather awkward on both my part as well as for james when and if we were to meet. also (and probably the main reason), i really did not want to see dominic (james’ close friend). i guessed i still have not got over how he overstepped the boundaries as a friend and interfered in my relationship with james as well as how he chided me and passed all the negative comments about me when i broke off with james. so... anyway, i am glad the event turned out very well! kudos to the organisers and the glbt community in singapore!
:-)
vegetarian once again!
bee and i have started our vegetarian diet once again. we started last friday (first day of the lunar month) and we shall observe this diet for at least until vesak day on the 28th may.
:-)
:-)
cause of sapphie's rash?
i have been pretty stressed out by sapphie's worsening rash over the past couple of months. and to add to the problem, she had several bouts of aural hepatoma and has started to show signs arthritis. i noticed she tripped more often whenever i bring her for long walks or when she runs around the house. and to clear her rash, she had been given steriods, anti-fungal and anti-infammatory tabs, topical cream, medicated shampoo, and so on in the past couple of months... the vet even suspected that she could have developed an allergy to her dry food and with the vet's advice, i have changed her diet to a hypoallergenic diet. but i have not seen any improvement in her skin condition for everytime i stop some medication, the rash would flare up drastically... i am really at my wits end!
and as i was clearing the washing area in the kitchen 2 days ago, it struck me that the cause of sapphie's rash could possibly be the piece of cloth that i usually use to clean her paws. you see, since she was a puppy, i had trained her to walk to the kitchen every time she returns from outside. this is to allow me to use a damp cloth to clean off off any dirt from her legs before she goes to the living room. and after cleaning her, i would leave the cloth by the sink to dry. i would change the cloth regularly once it gets too dirty. thinking back, in recent months, the cloth has been getting rather dirty pretty fast. on top of that, i had also noticed the cloth to have a slimy feel and had suspected that it was due to some fungal growth. but apart from washing it more regularly, i had continue to use the cloth to clean sapphie's paws...
i had started using disposal damp hand towels to clean sapphie's paws these two days. let's hope i am right. let's hope the rash slowly clears.
:-)
and as i was clearing the washing area in the kitchen 2 days ago, it struck me that the cause of sapphie's rash could possibly be the piece of cloth that i usually use to clean her paws. you see, since she was a puppy, i had trained her to walk to the kitchen every time she returns from outside. this is to allow me to use a damp cloth to clean off off any dirt from her legs before she goes to the living room. and after cleaning her, i would leave the cloth by the sink to dry. i would change the cloth regularly once it gets too dirty. thinking back, in recent months, the cloth has been getting rather dirty pretty fast. on top of that, i had also noticed the cloth to have a slimy feel and had suspected that it was due to some fungal growth. but apart from washing it more regularly, i had continue to use the cloth to clean sapphie's paws...
i had started using disposal damp hand towels to clean sapphie's paws these two days. let's hope i am right. let's hope the rash slowly clears.
:-)
Saturday, 15 May 2010
unsung heroes - visit to mbs
bee and i decided to take a walk along the helix bridge and the marina bay sands last evening. it has been some 3 weeks since the area opened to the public and i thought it would be a good time to visit. the crowd should have thinned out. but the visit was a tat disappointing as there was still a lot of construction going on. nonetheless, it was quite an interesting visit. a humbling one for that matter.
we parked at millenia walk and walked towards mbs via the helix bridge. the helix bridge itself was an interesting structure. i couldn't help but feel a little nauseous by the cyclical turns. ya, i know, it was meant to be like that... but well, ok, it was nice. and when i looked at the marina bay sands buildings from afar, i was rather awed by the structure itself. but this awe disappeared as i approached the buildings itself. rather, it was the little details like the shimmering effect that was created when the wind blew on the little reflective plates on the buildings that caught my attention.
nonetheless, the massiveness and grandeur of the project made me feel very proud. proud for the fact that my country, singapore, could have such an iconic structure. i turned to the unfinished construction site and saw all the banglas hard at work. and it struck me - this project would not have been possible without them. at that very moment, i really felt like walking up to them to thank them. and as i walked, i saw a few of them playfully running around the roadside after they knocked off work. this time round, instead of focusing on their dirty clothing or percieved smell, i instead saw the child in them. their behaviour were no different from some of our teenagers or our 20-somethings! yet, they are so far away from home working their butts out for another country earning a living for their families.
what started off as a visit to an icon turned out to be a very humbling experience for me. and as one of my friend in facebook shared, they're the unsung heroes of our modern infrastructure! yup, these are the modern samsui woman... well, not women per se. but ya... you get the idea!
:-)
we parked at millenia walk and walked towards mbs via the helix bridge. the helix bridge itself was an interesting structure. i couldn't help but feel a little nauseous by the cyclical turns. ya, i know, it was meant to be like that... but well, ok, it was nice. and when i looked at the marina bay sands buildings from afar, i was rather awed by the structure itself. but this awe disappeared as i approached the buildings itself. rather, it was the little details like the shimmering effect that was created when the wind blew on the little reflective plates on the buildings that caught my attention.
nonetheless, the massiveness and grandeur of the project made me feel very proud. proud for the fact that my country, singapore, could have such an iconic structure. i turned to the unfinished construction site and saw all the banglas hard at work. and it struck me - this project would not have been possible without them. at that very moment, i really felt like walking up to them to thank them. and as i walked, i saw a few of them playfully running around the roadside after they knocked off work. this time round, instead of focusing on their dirty clothing or percieved smell, i instead saw the child in them. their behaviour were no different from some of our teenagers or our 20-somethings! yet, they are so far away from home working their butts out for another country earning a living for their families.
what started off as a visit to an icon turned out to be a very humbling experience for me. and as one of my friend in facebook shared, they're the unsung heroes of our modern infrastructure! yup, these are the modern samsui woman... well, not women per se. but ya... you get the idea!
:-)
Friday, 14 May 2010
old sapphie
in these couple of months, sapphie has aged. i guessed due to the medication for her troubled skin, she has been drinking lots of water and now has issues trying to control her bladder. 3 days ago, bee brought her down to pee and even before she reached her usual spot, she pee-ed on the car park floor. a day later, when i brought her down, she let go in the lift. and it was pretty clear that she was trying very hard to control cos her piss came out in squirts. and once the lift door opened, she dashed to her usual peeing spot and let out a long and huge volume of pee.
today, i gave her a bath. her skin had worked up again despite the steriods i have given her. and while drying her, i saw huge 50 cents sized red patches of blood patches on her skin. in addition to all her limbs, i am also beginning to see rashes appearing on her face... sighs... not too sure how this will pan out. but i am getting increasingly pessimistic about her recovery.
:-(
today, i gave her a bath. her skin had worked up again despite the steriods i have given her. and while drying her, i saw huge 50 cents sized red patches of blood patches on her skin. in addition to all her limbs, i am also beginning to see rashes appearing on her face... sighs... not too sure how this will pan out. but i am getting increasingly pessimistic about her recovery.
:-(
final deal?
got a call from the management consultancy people telling me that from their contacts in the company, the md was not too pleased with how the negotiation was going on and had sent a rather strongly worded email to the staff who spoke with me. anycase, he agreed to up the figure a little and indicated that he will not tolerate any further negotiation. he also indicated that the hr would, in all likelihood, call me today to give me the final offer.
it is a good input i must say. there are several ways to look at this - put bluntly, the management consultancy people, the company hr, etc are all more than keen to get me to close the offer so that i can get off their back. also, far as the email is concerned, it is the company's internal issues. as far as i am concern, i have already decided that whatever the outcome, i would accept the offer cos as i have said before, i am not in a good negotiation position. and i need to pay my school fees too... once i get the experience and they still are not keen to pay me better and in accordance to market rates, i can easily move on. by then, i would be in a better position to negotiate for better pay.
let's wait for the call for now!
:-)
it is a good input i must say. there are several ways to look at this - put bluntly, the management consultancy people, the company hr, etc are all more than keen to get me to close the offer so that i can get off their back. also, far as the email is concerned, it is the company's internal issues. as far as i am concern, i have already decided that whatever the outcome, i would accept the offer cos as i have said before, i am not in a good negotiation position. and i need to pay my school fees too... once i get the experience and they still are not keen to pay me better and in accordance to market rates, i can easily move on. by then, i would be in a better position to negotiate for better pay.
let's wait for the call for now!
:-)
Thursday, 13 May 2010
mum giggling
brought the photo and passed it to mum earlier. she giggled like a small girl when she saw it. so funny! of cos, she was really over the clouds when i told her that some of my friends commented that she has very good skin and that she looked very very good for her age!
:-)
:-)
小青蛙 (the little frog)
小青蛙 (the little frog) was another one of my favourite childhood cartoon! so happy to be able to find this after all these years!
:-)
小宝历险记 (xiao bao li xian ji)
omg! was totally shocked to be able to find 小宝历险记 ("xiao bao li xian ji" or "adventures of xiao bao") in youtube! it was one of my top favourite cartoon as a primary kid and i have been looking for it for ages! till now, i can still sing parts of the song! imagine how crazy i was over this cartoon series! hurray!
:-)
ps: thinking about it, i think i can now understand why i secretly oogle at the er mo wang's body... hahahaha!
no more london
have decided to put off my trip to london. it is perhaps not a good idea cos of the volcano thing and the fact that there seemed no clarity about my negotiation process. now, it got me thinking, perhaps i should head off to somewhere closer for a couple of days...
hmmm...
hmmm...
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
still waiting
been 4 days and the hr hasn't gotten back. so i called her this morning. apparently, the md had gone overseas and he had not read the email about my counter proposal. so for the meantime, i have to be patient and wait.
:-(
:-(
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
mum's photo-taking
today, i finally took mum to take her photos. and i asked that she take both studio shots as well as standard passport shots. and for both, the studio chap made her pose before taking quite a few shots.
it was an interesting process considering mum has a slightly slanted jawline that made her mouth look a little slanted. couple with this, whenever she smile, her mouth would open. it was funny asking seeing how she tried to smile while trying so hard to keep her mouth close. and to make the whole matter more challenging, due to her chubby cheeks, whenever she smile, her eyes would close. very funny. at one point, the guys asked her to close her mouth, smile, and open her eyes at the same time and she ended up looking like she's gonna kill someone! we all had a hearty laugh during the photo shoot.
well, i will collect the photo tomorrow. decided to print 4r studio shots for all my sis and my bro as a rememberance. also decided to develop a 10"x12" portrait piece for display and selected a frame that is similar to that of my dad's photo. inwardly, we all knew that this would be the photo to be used when she leaves us. so... anyway, she was able to see the shots and select the nicest one to be enlarged.
:-)
it was an interesting process considering mum has a slightly slanted jawline that made her mouth look a little slanted. couple with this, whenever she smile, her mouth would open. it was funny asking seeing how she tried to smile while trying so hard to keep her mouth close. and to make the whole matter more challenging, due to her chubby cheeks, whenever she smile, her eyes would close. very funny. at one point, the guys asked her to close her mouth, smile, and open her eyes at the same time and she ended up looking like she's gonna kill someone! we all had a hearty laugh during the photo shoot.
well, i will collect the photo tomorrow. decided to print 4r studio shots for all my sis and my bro as a rememberance. also decided to develop a 10"x12" portrait piece for display and selected a frame that is similar to that of my dad's photo. inwardly, we all knew that this would be the photo to be used when she leaves us. so... anyway, she was able to see the shots and select the nicest one to be enlarged.
:-)
Monday, 10 May 2010
1979 year-end concert
i was like ohhhhh myyyy gaawwwwdddddd when i saw this picture in facebook. you see, i did a search for my primary school in facebook and while looking through the pictures, i saw this picture! i immediately recognised it. it was a picture of my primary school's 1979 year-end celebrations! i had left my primary school and was already in secondary 1 by then. but as i had kept in contact with my art club teacher, she asked if i could help out with the creative work. i readily agreed although i did not know what i would be involved in. in the end, i ended up being the creative director for the concert... and more!i designed and put together the backdrop for the concert. and so, with the key performance for the day was "the sleeping beauty", i decided that i would purchase plywood and make the stage to look like the interior of a castle (see picture). i designed the scene and painted it myself. and i even purchased gold paper and create foldings on it so that it could look like shields of the warriors. and given that the play involved several different scenes, i designed the backdropped such that the plywood could be turned piece by piece and a new scene would appear. i cannot recall what that scene was now although i suspected it was a garden or something like that. i also designed the bed of roses for sleeping beauty. the roses were made from crepe paper and remembered having to train a group of my juniors to fold roses for the prop. in the end, we made hundred of it and used them to line the bed (which was modified from a small lower primary school table). also, in a way, i also directly the staging of the play. it was fun remembering how the girl was so shy and dare not allow the boy to kiss her hand. when it came to that part, she would squirm and start to giggle. it was rather funny. and of cos, it would not do for sleeping beauty to giggle right? in the end, we got the boy to hold up her hands and kiss his own thumb. hahaha!
well, the whole project looked simple now, but from the perspective of a 13 year old boy who had to do it on a voluntary basis (i was already in sec 1 by then), it was a huge mammoth task for me! but i enjoyed the process thoroughly!
i was so happy to see this picture!
:-)
Saturday, 8 May 2010
mothers' day 2010
somehow, i don't feel anything special on this mother's day... cos everyday has been mother's day since i left service!
i love my mak!
:-)
feelings of anxieties
somehow with the thinking that i might be starting work in june made me feel a little anxious. there is a sense of urgency to want to do many things although i do not know exactly what - i need to meet up with my friends, i need to spent more time with my mum, i need to go for a break, i need to think through how sapphie will adapt to me new routine, etc etc etc... it strikes me that these are also probably the same thoughts that a person would think about when he/ she is told he/ she will die in a foreseeable, predictable near future. hmmm...
then again, there is the lazy side of me that says many of these things are not critical and that things will take care of itself, dinners and meals with friends can still continue after i start work, etc... i guessed i am just getting anxious. yes, talking about getting anxious, i also worry about whether i can cope with the work, the new routines, new people, etc. and i constantly need to also remind myself to stay positive, look forward to it as an learning process...
re-entering of workforce jitteries i guess...
:-)
then again, there is the lazy side of me that says many of these things are not critical and that things will take care of itself, dinners and meals with friends can still continue after i start work, etc... i guessed i am just getting anxious. yes, talking about getting anxious, i also worry about whether i can cope with the work, the new routines, new people, etc. and i constantly need to also remind myself to stay positive, look forward to it as an learning process...
re-entering of workforce jitteries i guess...
:-)
re-negotiation
the hr girl got back to me. after the first negotiation, the amount i counter-proposed was shot down. she said that the md needed to manage internal equity and that what was quoted to me was already the highest amongst ex-servicemen who join the company. i was not convinced. i gave a midway figure and asked her to get back to the md again. let's hope this is agreeable. although this figure is not ideal, it would still be within my target range.
this whole game of pay negotiation is something new to me. i must admit that when the hr girl called me and told me of the outcome, i felt rather disappointed. but well, when i put things in perspective and sensemake that this is all part of the process, i had my closure. and i guessed i also learned a new lesson - that during the interview, never ever tell them that you look forward to working with them. it boost the hiring manager's confidence when it comes to pay negotiation. anyway, it's not all lost. i have learned my lessons, and the md has, through the hr girl, said that if i can prove myself, it will be easy to justify for a jump in increment. and i supposed, i have to start somewhere too.
let's see what is the next outcome.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
pay negotiation
it has been 2 days since my interview with the md of the security company. and this evening, the hr called me to discuss about the renumeration. it was interesting cos i have never done it before. luckily, the consultant management company prepared me for it and i had done my research. heh heh... we started by confirming the position that i will be offered. i was glad it would be pegged at a senior manager-level. it is a new post that has been created to suit my skill sets. i could sense the company wanting to position and groom me for a senior management post in the medium term. this was subsequently affirmed by the hr person that i spoke with. so, the enlarged job scope, apart from signaling their trust in me, would also provide me with a good grounding in the company. this could only do good for me in the longer term. anyway, the initial figure quoted was rather low and i was not too happy about it. it was clear that they had stuck to my lowest end of my first "guesstimate" package - that was rather baseless given that i did not know my position nor jobscope at that time when i was asked.
now, with a better clarity of the position and title, i was able to negotiate the renumeration by citing some market research figures. and after almost half hour of negotiation, i was able to up the initial offer to something that is more reflective of what the market rate is paying and that i am happy with. the next step is to await the md to clear this figure (which i am rather confident he will). once that is done, the hr will formally make an offer to me. looking forward to it.
:-)
ah mmm & ah pek
i was at the pool earlier and decided to take a breather before i leave. as i sat on the pool chair looking at people frolicking in the water, i noticed an ah mmm and an ah pek (hokkien for an "old lady" and "old man" respectively) walking into the pool. ah mmm was carrying 2 long plastic tubes (the types where children would use as floats) and the ah pek was carrying a plastic bag. i supposed it contained their toiletries.
they both walked with a slight hunch. slowly they entered the pool. very deliberately. very carefully. step-by-step (remember liang po po?). when they reached the pool bench, ah pek placed his bag onto the chair and stood there. ah mmm leaned the floats onto the chair and went into the changing rooms. i assumed they were there to watch their grandchildren take swimming lessons. but before i knew it, the ah mmm walked out of the toilet in a full body swimming suit. ah pek, seeing ah mmm changed, then took off his shirt. he then held ah mmm's hand, took the floats and they made their way to the pool. it was so loving! aiyoh! can die man! it was so heartwarming to see them help each other as they lower themselves into the pool using the pool steps. and it was so amazing to see them swim side by side - ah mmm swam breatstroke while ah pek swam freestyle. and after 2 laps, they took the floats and just floated in the water, enjoying the afternoon sun.
they both looked 70-plus, possibly 80s. it was so hard not to stare at them. yet i was conscious of the fact that they themselves were aware that i was looking. i was so envious of their loving gestures. no words were uttered throughout the whole time. yet, the care and concern they show one another (love, in another word) was so obvious! they must have been the envy of many many people!
i wish them long life, health and many more years of happy loving times with each other!
i really do!
:-)
they both walked with a slight hunch. slowly they entered the pool. very deliberately. very carefully. step-by-step (remember liang po po?). when they reached the pool bench, ah pek placed his bag onto the chair and stood there. ah mmm leaned the floats onto the chair and went into the changing rooms. i assumed they were there to watch their grandchildren take swimming lessons. but before i knew it, the ah mmm walked out of the toilet in a full body swimming suit. ah pek, seeing ah mmm changed, then took off his shirt. he then held ah mmm's hand, took the floats and they made their way to the pool. it was so loving! aiyoh! can die man! it was so heartwarming to see them help each other as they lower themselves into the pool using the pool steps. and it was so amazing to see them swim side by side - ah mmm swam breatstroke while ah pek swam freestyle. and after 2 laps, they took the floats and just floated in the water, enjoying the afternoon sun.
they both looked 70-plus, possibly 80s. it was so hard not to stare at them. yet i was conscious of the fact that they themselves were aware that i was looking. i was so envious of their loving gestures. no words were uttered throughout the whole time. yet, the care and concern they show one another (love, in another word) was so obvious! they must have been the envy of many many people!
i wish them long life, health and many more years of happy loving times with each other!
i really do!
:-)
the book findeth its owner
i chanced upon joyce's blog when i did a search on "gay changi green" some time back. when i first read her postings, i felt sad. i felt sad that such a young girl had to go through such terrible life experiences of coming out, of depression, etc amidst teenage angst. and despite her loving family, i sensed she did not have the necessary psychological support from like-minded gay people who had previously gone through this process. she need not go through these pains all by herself like many of us did. i felt she needed some additional affirmation, encouragement and support. and so i decided to keep track of her postings and to keep an overwatch on her. ok, in short, call me kaypoh! heh heh. and i have been at it over the last 2 years. and whenever i sensed anything slightly out of place, i would drop her a note or two to give her words of encouragements.
since i first chanced upon her blog, she had changed her blog applications at least twice. i have also seen her postings shift from being a tat emotional and angsty (hmm, did i spell it right?) to ones that were more reflective. interestingly, her choice of nicks also showed a growing confidence and sophistication in her as she matures. it was first "jittery". then, it was "joyce". and now, it is simply "jae". her recent postings were particular interesting as she started to ask questions relating to self-development. it was very good to see her going into such questions for it showed a growing maturity in her. it reflected well on her. i had thus far refrained from posting anything too structured about visioning and setting of objectives. but this morning, after reading her latest posting on post-frustrations benefits, i decided i should try to prod her into looking for a more structured way to self-development. but i was not sure how to go about doing it. coaching her like i did for my students in my last job was probably not the best thing to do. the challenging thing about such self-development initiatives is that one will not fully appreciate nor be motivated to do it until one is ready for it. and so, i decided to just kiv any actions and to mull over it.
so i switched off my computer and started to clear my work-table and place some unread books into the bookshelf. and that was when i saw the book "the monk who sold his ferrari" staring of me! i had an extra book and did not know who to pass to. so when i saw it today, i knew on the spot that i must give it to her! not sure if it was a coincidence, but everything just fitted in so nicely. the book could give her an interesting perspective of self-development and probably help her think through in a more structured way how she could enhance her journey towards self-mastery! really, the book findeth its owner! hope it is able to help her as it did me!
:-)
ps: time: 10.45pm. and joyce just smsed me telling me she can't stop smiling! the book is actually on her to-buy-list! ha! yes! she is ready for it! see! as i said - the book findeth its owner! how true! how very true!
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
london uk
looks like i will be heading to london for my final short break before i start work. ok, i am assuming things will be smooth and i will start work with the security company this coming 1 june. so, why london? the reason is simple. a very good friend of mine will be working there for 10 days before his family joins him for their june holidays. and so, during this 10 days, he will be having his apartment to himself. and so, he invited me to join him and at the same time, enjoy myself before i start work. this would save the need for any hotels and breakfast for that matter. so, i will only need to buy my own air ticket for the trip.
sounds good ya? i thought so too. but there are a few things i am worried about. who will take care of sapphie? she has her dietary and skin issues. she needs to be fed her medications daily. and she needs to be walked twice a day. and despite bee saying he will do it, i am still not comfortable with the fact that sapphie will be alone almost all the time. she will be alone the whole day when bee goes to work. and she will be alone at night cos i think bee will not be staying when i am not around. this would be so sad right? i am really at a loss!
sighs...
sounds good ya? i thought so too. but there are a few things i am worried about. who will take care of sapphie? she has her dietary and skin issues. she needs to be fed her medications daily. and she needs to be walked twice a day. and despite bee saying he will do it, i am still not comfortable with the fact that sapphie will be alone almost all the time. she will be alone the whole day when bee goes to work. and she will be alone at night cos i think bee will not be staying when i am not around. this would be so sad right? i am really at a loss!
sighs...
Monday, 3 May 2010
chek-kong
today, i got elevated to be a "chek-kong" (granduncle)!
ok, this is the story... i was given to an elderly lady for adoption when i was a baby some 43 plus years ago. this was because a fortune teller predicted i would to be a difficult baby to upbring and advised my mum to give me to an elderly woman for adoption. the criteria for this elderly woman was that she must have many children. and that was exactly what my mum did. she asked my kampong landlord to help look for such a person and was eventually introduced to an elderly lady who lived in pipit road. to formalize this relationship, we went through the full ceremony of adoption complete with taoist prayers and offerings to the heavens and earth. that was how i came to have more than 5? 6? 7? (i really don't know) godbrothers and 1 godsister in addition to my own siblings. since then, i would fulfil my duties as a godson and visit my godmum regularly. the last time i met the whole extended family was more than a decade ago when my godmum passed away. i went through the whole funeral rites as a godson.
i lost contact with all of them after my godmum's funeral.
today, after so many years, i met my eldest godsister-in-law, her son and her grandson. it happened while i was walking around parkway parade in the evening after my chiropractic treatment. it was kinda sudden but there they were, facing me. i recogised them on the spot and i called out to the son. he still looked very much the same. by protocol, he was actually my godnephew. but we were more like brothers due to our small age gap (he is 6 years my junior)! anyway, seeing them again after so long, it was kinda funny. he called me by my name while i addressed his mother as ah-soh (sister-in-law in hokkien). it felt weird. hahaha... and to complicate the matter, he (my godnephew) introduced the little boy to me as his nephew (his brother's son). and almost by instinct, he asked the little boy to call me uncle. i stood and thought for a while... and i corrected him - no, he should call me granduncle... and then we laughed. his mother (my ah-soh) also nodded her head and said the boy should call me "chek-kong"! hahaha... this sound so weird!
anyway, it was good to see them. we exchanged numbers, addresses and so on. and we updated each other about our lives (my dad's demise, my mum's living with my brother now, etc etc etc)... i think i will bring my mum to visit them sometime very soon!
:-)
ok, this is the story... i was given to an elderly lady for adoption when i was a baby some 43 plus years ago. this was because a fortune teller predicted i would to be a difficult baby to upbring and advised my mum to give me to an elderly woman for adoption. the criteria for this elderly woman was that she must have many children. and that was exactly what my mum did. she asked my kampong landlord to help look for such a person and was eventually introduced to an elderly lady who lived in pipit road. to formalize this relationship, we went through the full ceremony of adoption complete with taoist prayers and offerings to the heavens and earth. that was how i came to have more than 5? 6? 7? (i really don't know) godbrothers and 1 godsister in addition to my own siblings. since then, i would fulfil my duties as a godson and visit my godmum regularly. the last time i met the whole extended family was more than a decade ago when my godmum passed away. i went through the whole funeral rites as a godson.
i lost contact with all of them after my godmum's funeral.
today, after so many years, i met my eldest godsister-in-law, her son and her grandson. it happened while i was walking around parkway parade in the evening after my chiropractic treatment. it was kinda sudden but there they were, facing me. i recogised them on the spot and i called out to the son. he still looked very much the same. by protocol, he was actually my godnephew. but we were more like brothers due to our small age gap (he is 6 years my junior)! anyway, seeing them again after so long, it was kinda funny. he called me by my name while i addressed his mother as ah-soh (sister-in-law in hokkien). it felt weird. hahaha... and to complicate the matter, he (my godnephew) introduced the little boy to me as his nephew (his brother's son). and almost by instinct, he asked the little boy to call me uncle. i stood and thought for a while... and i corrected him - no, he should call me granduncle... and then we laughed. his mother (my ah-soh) also nodded her head and said the boy should call me "chek-kong"! hahaha... this sound so weird!
anyway, it was good to see them. we exchanged numbers, addresses and so on. and we updated each other about our lives (my dad's demise, my mum's living with my brother now, etc etc etc)... i think i will bring my mum to visit them sometime very soon!
:-)
2nd interview
following the interview last month and the meetings with the training director, i went for my second interview with the security company today. it was a superbly short interview. in fact, it was more like a case of updating the md what i did over the last 2 weeks and sharing my views about the job. i signalled my interest and my expectations but at the same time, indicated to him that i am also awaiting inputs from the university. he noted my inputs and told me to await the corprorate hr's call.
if this goes well, i will start work on the 1 june.
:-)
meeting sam
bee and i had tea with sam yesterday.
sam is my cyber friend and we got to know each other after he read my blog and eventually mailed me some encouragements about taking care of my mum. we went on to share about our lives and i came to learn that he is a religious teacher in one of the local temples.
anyway, it was a good meeting despite the very short duration of the meet and the limited time to share. and it was good to be able to put a person (not just a photo) to the name. and of cos, i am glad i now have someone whom i can seek clarifications when it comes to religious teachings. from this perspective, sam is a god-sent.
the world is always a better place when we get to know more people.
:-)
sam is my cyber friend and we got to know each other after he read my blog and eventually mailed me some encouragements about taking care of my mum. we went on to share about our lives and i came to learn that he is a religious teacher in one of the local temples.
anyway, it was a good meeting despite the very short duration of the meet and the limited time to share. and it was good to be able to put a person (not just a photo) to the name. and of cos, i am glad i now have someone whom i can seek clarifications when it comes to religious teachings. from this perspective, sam is a god-sent.
the world is always a better place when we get to know more people.
:-)
Saturday, 1 May 2010
enjoyable may day!
i had fun today. lots of fun...
schneider, bee and i visited haw par villa, reflections of bukit chandu, did a tree top walk and then we went shopping at parkway parade. well, initially our plan was to do the hort park after chandu but we decided to put hort park to another day as it was rather warm and we were a little tired.
haw par villa
i was in primary school the last time i went there. it had been some 30 over years. even then, some of the signature landmarks were still there - the gate archway, the buddha on the pagoda, the sumo wrestler, etc. and seeing all these structures again after all these years somehow made me feel a nostalgic. also, looking at how the management's efforts in upkeeping the exhibits such as the tiger car made me a little sad. i believe this place has a special spot in many singaporeans, especially those in their late 30s and above. the place screams beautiful classical chinese anecdotes conveying messages of values such as filial piety, bravery, comradeship, etc... i strongly believe this place has the potential to be developed as a place where value inculcation and chinese culture education (for young singaporeans and non-chinese) could take place.
reflections of bukit chandu
reflections of bukit chandu was such an interesting place! a good place to reflect and remember those malay soldiers who died for us. superimposed the storyline against todays' context of singapore and malaysia tumultous past, i couldn't help felt awkward to see people penning down words like - if not for you (a malay regiment soldier [malaysian soldier]), we (singaporeans) will never enjoy the life we have today. i supposed in today's political context, it would be rather awkward for the officials to praise malaysians for fighting for singapore...
tree top walk
there is a tree top walk whose entrance was located just outside the rear gate of bukit chandu. it was a very good and interesting walk. i never knew such a place existed. and it was really beautiful to see the view from up there. for the first time, i could see the rolls of the pasir panjang ridgeline. it was rather surreal to see it frankly. it was so un-singapore. there was so much greenery and space!
parkway parade
we decided to have lunch at parkway after we witnessed the many cars heading towards vivocity and harbourfront. it was good to have those notice signboards telling you the number of car park lots available way in advance.
we came home, took a rest, then went to do some errands for the temple, we then visited junction 8, had our dinner there and shop somemore before coming home to rest. it was certainly a busy, tiring but fun may day!
:-)
schneider, bee and i visited haw par villa, reflections of bukit chandu, did a tree top walk and then we went shopping at parkway parade. well, initially our plan was to do the hort park after chandu but we decided to put hort park to another day as it was rather warm and we were a little tired.
haw par villa
i was in primary school the last time i went there. it had been some 30 over years. even then, some of the signature landmarks were still there - the gate archway, the buddha on the pagoda, the sumo wrestler, etc. and seeing all these structures again after all these years somehow made me feel a nostalgic. also, looking at how the management's efforts in upkeeping the exhibits such as the tiger car made me a little sad. i believe this place has a special spot in many singaporeans, especially those in their late 30s and above. the place screams beautiful classical chinese anecdotes conveying messages of values such as filial piety, bravery, comradeship, etc... i strongly believe this place has the potential to be developed as a place where value inculcation and chinese culture education (for young singaporeans and non-chinese) could take place.
reflections of bukit chandu
reflections of bukit chandu was such an interesting place! a good place to reflect and remember those malay soldiers who died for us. superimposed the storyline against todays' context of singapore and malaysia tumultous past, i couldn't help felt awkward to see people penning down words like - if not for you (a malay regiment soldier [malaysian soldier]), we (singaporeans) will never enjoy the life we have today. i supposed in today's political context, it would be rather awkward for the officials to praise malaysians for fighting for singapore...
tree top walk
there is a tree top walk whose entrance was located just outside the rear gate of bukit chandu. it was a very good and interesting walk. i never knew such a place existed. and it was really beautiful to see the view from up there. for the first time, i could see the rolls of the pasir panjang ridgeline. it was rather surreal to see it frankly. it was so un-singapore. there was so much greenery and space!
parkway parade
we decided to have lunch at parkway after we witnessed the many cars heading towards vivocity and harbourfront. it was good to have those notice signboards telling you the number of car park lots available way in advance.
we came home, took a rest, then went to do some errands for the temple, we then visited junction 8, had our dinner there and shop somemore before coming home to rest. it was certainly a busy, tiring but fun may day!
:-)
Friday, 30 April 2010
himbo bee
today, after 5 years and 3 days, bee finally showed his himbo front. and it was himbo with a capitalized, italized, block, underlined, letter H... you see, when we experienced the van tyre puncture, he did something right. he stopped the van. but when i asked him to reverse into the layby properly, he looked at me and said: "ahhhhhh, you do it..." hmmm...
then, after i reversed the van, bee was like busy running back and front like a blue housefly, moh moh (touch touch) here, moh moh there, and moh moh everywhere but getting nothing done. and finally, when he realized he could do nothing much, he squatted beside me and stared at the oncoming cars... haiz.. i thought he could at least lend me a hand or help to wave for oncoming cars to go away... but... haiz haiz haiz...
anyway, the tyre changing experience was one helluva tiring for me. after finally gotten the tools out and discovering how to remove the spare tyre, i went on to jack the van up and to start the tyre changing process. by that time, i was all sweating profusely, eyes blurring from my dry contact lens, my bad back was aching like crazy, my legs were aching from kneeling too long, and my hands were weakened from the constant turning of tools to jack up the car jack... and then, bee looked at me and said: "bee, your shirt very smelly leh!"...
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........
himbo lor..........
of car & van tyres
last week my car suffered a punctured tyre. luckily it happened at my condo car park. and of cos, i replaced it with my spare tyre from my boot. and today, i got my 2 rear tyres with brand new ones and kept back my spare tyres.
and this evening on our way home from our friday dharma talk, bee's van suffered a punctured tyre. it went flat on the new kaki bukit highway. it was a superbly tricky affair on many many fronts. firstly, it was dark and his van did not have any torchlight. so we had to grope for things in the dark. then, he didn't know where the spare tyre was. after searching and finding it, he did not know how to unscrew it. fourthly, he did not know whether there were tools in the van and if they were, where they were kept... so we spent some time hunt high and low for it. and after we found it, he did not know how to take out the tools and how to use the tools to dismantle the spare tyre.
hmmm... so, yours truly came to the rescue again, and again, and again, and again... and of cos, yours truly jacked up the van, changed the tyre, tightened up the screws and all in good time, we were on our way home...
so many tyre issues these couple of days...
:-)
and this evening on our way home from our friday dharma talk, bee's van suffered a punctured tyre. it went flat on the new kaki bukit highway. it was a superbly tricky affair on many many fronts. firstly, it was dark and his van did not have any torchlight. so we had to grope for things in the dark. then, he didn't know where the spare tyre was. after searching and finding it, he did not know how to unscrew it. fourthly, he did not know whether there were tools in the van and if they were, where they were kept... so we spent some time hunt high and low for it. and after we found it, he did not know how to take out the tools and how to use the tools to dismantle the spare tyre.
hmmm... so, yours truly came to the rescue again, and again, and again, and again... and of cos, yours truly jacked up the van, changed the tyre, tightened up the screws and all in good time, we were on our way home...
so many tyre issues these couple of days...
:-)
cheeky question
here's a cheeky one - if malayan peninsular is the shape of the male organ, what then is singapore? and of cos, what then is thailand?...
:-)
:-)
el-bee
i have a close friend by the initials of lb. we got to know each other in the early 90s when he got posted to my unit after passing out from ocs. his 100-and-10% devotion of time to his work reminded me so much of myself when i was his age (he's 6 yrs my junior). his work ethics coupled with his down-to-earth unassuming nature made me gravitate to him and we became very good friends. we shared many good memories in the unit and his family treats me like a close relative. i was there when his dad passed away. and to help with family expenses, he signed on. i was there when he got married. i was there when his brother got married. and i was there when his wife gave birth to 2 beautiful girls. he asked me to be the godfather of the elder girl. but over time, both the girls came to address me as uncle-daddy. to me, being a godfather somehow helped elevate me to a `parent' status although i am not married. so yearly, i would buy them lanterns and mooncakes during mid-autumn festivals, give them ang pows on lunar new year, etc. this went on for many years. the girls are in primary school now.
and even though we do not contact each other very often, lb and i would once a while sms each other with a simple `how are you' or something like that. and of cos, being a very traditional person that he has always been, he would make sure he bring his wife and daughters to visit me during every chinese new year. but somehow, over the last 3/4 year or so, his sms stopped. last mooncake festival, i visited his family to pass mooncakes to him. he was at work. and when i smsed him about half a year ago and he said something about me needing to get a job or i will become lazy. i told him i would do so soon. and that was the last time we contacted. things got very cold after that. there was no more exchanges of sms. there was no christmas nor new year greetings. and when lunar new year came, he did not return my lunar new year sms greetings. and worst still, he did not even bring his family to visit me. my mind started running wild overtime. why did this happen? was he unhappy with something i said? or something i did? or did he find out about my sexuality and is now avoiding me? hmmm... if this was the case, then i supposed he is more homophobic that i thought. yes... hmmm... so, i decided to just leave it. let it be. i shan't contact him further. out of sight, out of mind. so i thought.
then again, it didn't feel right that i just let this relationship disappear just like that. there were perhaps too many assumptions on my part as to why he did not sms me. if he did not sms me, i could sms him right? he might have perfectly valid reasons for not contacting me. and my not contacting him would certainly not help. hmmm... and, so i smsed him again today and asked how he is doing. he replied promptly. he's been freaking busy. with work. he mentioned something about trying to find a suitable time where he could fix a dinner with me together with his family. i must say this reply was rather reassuring. i guessed he had not changed a bit. his `disappearance' was simply a case of him being too busy...
:-)
and even though we do not contact each other very often, lb and i would once a while sms each other with a simple `how are you' or something like that. and of cos, being a very traditional person that he has always been, he would make sure he bring his wife and daughters to visit me during every chinese new year. but somehow, over the last 3/4 year or so, his sms stopped. last mooncake festival, i visited his family to pass mooncakes to him. he was at work. and when i smsed him about half a year ago and he said something about me needing to get a job or i will become lazy. i told him i would do so soon. and that was the last time we contacted. things got very cold after that. there was no more exchanges of sms. there was no christmas nor new year greetings. and when lunar new year came, he did not return my lunar new year sms greetings. and worst still, he did not even bring his family to visit me. my mind started running wild overtime. why did this happen? was he unhappy with something i said? or something i did? or did he find out about my sexuality and is now avoiding me? hmmm... if this was the case, then i supposed he is more homophobic that i thought. yes... hmmm... so, i decided to just leave it. let it be. i shan't contact him further. out of sight, out of mind. so i thought.
then again, it didn't feel right that i just let this relationship disappear just like that. there were perhaps too many assumptions on my part as to why he did not sms me. if he did not sms me, i could sms him right? he might have perfectly valid reasons for not contacting me. and my not contacting him would certainly not help. hmmm... and, so i smsed him again today and asked how he is doing. he replied promptly. he's been freaking busy. with work. he mentioned something about trying to find a suitable time where he could fix a dinner with me together with his family. i must say this reply was rather reassuring. i guessed he had not changed a bit. his `disappearance' was simply a case of him being too busy...
:-)
Thursday, 29 April 2010
about facebooking
through facebooking, i learned about the importance of face-to-face communications. but regretfully, i learned my lessons at the expense of some friends. read on.
i had one experience where a friend deleted me from his list. i responded rather emotionally. to me, i felt so betrayed by his action as i had considered him a very good friend and we had shared many ups and downs over our 15 plus years of friendship. his action got me feeling so bloody uptight and betrayed that i told myself i wouldn't meet up with him nor contact him again. but after cooling down a little, i ask - "why did i feel so offended when he deleted me from his friend list?" i supposed a deeper friendship results in greater expectations. we tend to be more unforgiving to people we are closer to. ironic. so i sent him an sms telling him of my disappointment and anger. he explained that he had done a `housecleaning' and wanted to keep that particular account straight (for his straight friends). after hearing his response, i felt even more offended. i felt he had no trust in me to behave myself when and if i post anything in his account. he did not trust me after all these years.
but after some reflections when my anger had subsided, i also realized i had done the same housecleaning for my own account. in addition i had also, on the spur of the moment, deleted or blocked some of my friends out of some stupid little misunderstandings. and after doing so and regreting later, i was too embarrassed and proud to add them again. so, having experienced the whole thing from the other end, it got me thinking why i did not also consider the possible hurt/ misunderstandings it might have caused my friends? why did i not put myself in my friends shoes when i deleted their names in my friend list? i had not called them to tell them about it too when i did it too. and thinking deeper, i realized i had been too self-centric. why did i always think about things from the "i" perspective? why did i make assumptions that they deleted me due to personal issues with me? i had behaved in a very ris-low fashion. i had been a "it's about me! me! me!" person and i think it was really stupid and immature. while the "me me me" thinking is good from a confidence angle and driving self-development, such thinking is detrimental when it is applied in the context of inter-personal relations. the world does not revolve around me. i have to also think and see things from the other person's perspective when it comes to human-human relations.
also, it was his account and what he did with it was his prerogative. he did not need to explain the reasons to me. i had reacted so negatively becos i had assumed that he did it as he had some personal issues with me. it was fortunate that common sense prevailed and i eventually picked up the phone and clarified with him. my assumptions led me to almost lose a long time close friend. it was fortunate that we remain friends after the clarification. but for some others, there exists unsaid tensions between us and we are no longer on talking terms. in short, i had lost some friends as a result of some stupid little misunderstanding that was created by myself. what i learned out of this small episode was - suspend judgment. when in doubt, talk, clarify.
thinking through all these, i am even more convinced that communications and social networking tools (such as smses, facebook, emails, blogs, etc) can help but can never replace true blue human-to-human communications. human communication is so much more complex. smileys, emoticons, pokes, and what have yous cannot sufficiently bring ones emotions across. if anything, it added a layer of difficulty to the communication channel. now, we also need to second guess why a person pokes us, throw us a pie, throws us a punch, deletes us, go around the world with us la la la. and more often than not, when we get these signals, we assume things in our favour. and when we recieve something that seemed rather negative, we tend to want to believe we are being targeted unfairly or that we are being victimized. there are a lot of assumptions involved. these technological communication tools complicate matters even more. sighs. so... use technology if you must, but make sure you complement it with a good healthy dose of old-fashioned fundamentals of talking, of eye-to-eye contact, of face-to-face interactions. or no, let me re-phrase that, use old fashions communications as much as you can. then, complement it with technology.
what say you?
i had one experience where a friend deleted me from his list. i responded rather emotionally. to me, i felt so betrayed by his action as i had considered him a very good friend and we had shared many ups and downs over our 15 plus years of friendship. his action got me feeling so bloody uptight and betrayed that i told myself i wouldn't meet up with him nor contact him again. but after cooling down a little, i ask - "why did i feel so offended when he deleted me from his friend list?" i supposed a deeper friendship results in greater expectations. we tend to be more unforgiving to people we are closer to. ironic. so i sent him an sms telling him of my disappointment and anger. he explained that he had done a `housecleaning' and wanted to keep that particular account straight (for his straight friends). after hearing his response, i felt even more offended. i felt he had no trust in me to behave myself when and if i post anything in his account. he did not trust me after all these years.
but after some reflections when my anger had subsided, i also realized i had done the same housecleaning for my own account. in addition i had also, on the spur of the moment, deleted or blocked some of my friends out of some stupid little misunderstandings. and after doing so and regreting later, i was too embarrassed and proud to add them again. so, having experienced the whole thing from the other end, it got me thinking why i did not also consider the possible hurt/ misunderstandings it might have caused my friends? why did i not put myself in my friends shoes when i deleted their names in my friend list? i had not called them to tell them about it too when i did it too. and thinking deeper, i realized i had been too self-centric. why did i always think about things from the "i" perspective? why did i make assumptions that they deleted me due to personal issues with me? i had behaved in a very ris-low fashion. i had been a "it's about me! me! me!" person and i think it was really stupid and immature. while the "me me me" thinking is good from a confidence angle and driving self-development, such thinking is detrimental when it is applied in the context of inter-personal relations. the world does not revolve around me. i have to also think and see things from the other person's perspective when it comes to human-human relations.
also, it was his account and what he did with it was his prerogative. he did not need to explain the reasons to me. i had reacted so negatively becos i had assumed that he did it as he had some personal issues with me. it was fortunate that common sense prevailed and i eventually picked up the phone and clarified with him. my assumptions led me to almost lose a long time close friend. it was fortunate that we remain friends after the clarification. but for some others, there exists unsaid tensions between us and we are no longer on talking terms. in short, i had lost some friends as a result of some stupid little misunderstanding that was created by myself. what i learned out of this small episode was - suspend judgment. when in doubt, talk, clarify.
thinking through all these, i am even more convinced that communications and social networking tools (such as smses, facebook, emails, blogs, etc) can help but can never replace true blue human-to-human communications. human communication is so much more complex. smileys, emoticons, pokes, and what have yous cannot sufficiently bring ones emotions across. if anything, it added a layer of difficulty to the communication channel. now, we also need to second guess why a person pokes us, throw us a pie, throws us a punch, deletes us, go around the world with us la la la. and more often than not, when we get these signals, we assume things in our favour. and when we recieve something that seemed rather negative, we tend to want to believe we are being targeted unfairly or that we are being victimized. there are a lot of assumptions involved. these technological communication tools complicate matters even more. sighs. so... use technology if you must, but make sure you complement it with a good healthy dose of old-fashioned fundamentals of talking, of eye-to-eye contact, of face-to-face interactions. or no, let me re-phrase that, use old fashions communications as much as you can. then, complement it with technology.
what say you?
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
robinson's member only sales
decided to pay a visit to robinsons today for its one-day member-only special sale. in the end, i bought a total of 5 long sleeve shirts for ourselves for $166. would have cost me close to $400 normally. so...
:-)
:-)
hair cut & perm
brought my mum for her haircut and perm again today. been quite a while and her hair has gotten long and straightened. i could see her eyes sparkle when i brought her there. she was all cheery and smiley after her cut and perm. i commented that she looked very good and i guessed that made her day! we made our way to the sheng hong temple and the bright hill temple after the cut and perm. glad to see her so happy. and yes, talking about bright hill temple, something happened today and it reminded me that i had not blog about an interesting thing happened sometime back. so, here goes.
you see, i brought mum to the bright hill temple sometime late last year. that was when she had just gotten discharged from the hospital for her pneumonia and she was rather sickly and immobile. but she had wanted on going to bright hill temple to pray to the buddha and goddess of mercy at the temple. it was also something i wanted to do cos i knew how important such a visit would be to her psychologically. it was a couple of days after her discharge when we made the trip. at the temple, i wheeled her down to the temple of the ten-thousand hand goddess of mercy. after offering the incense outside the hall, i proceeded to wheel her into the temple hall itself. that was when the auntie caretaker shouted (a more appropriate word would be "scream") at us at the top of her voice across the hall: "ooi! ooi! ooi! you cannot push the wheelchair inside!" there are many things i dislike people doing and one of it was to shout out to me in a such a hostile manner and addressing me as "ooi!". harlow! i have a name lo. and if you do not know my name, at least call me "uncle" or "ah boy" or whatever. such rudeness always has an immediate effect on me. and on the spot, my temper rose. i was slightly trembling with fury as i walked up to her. i had to remind myself to stay calm. and clasping my hands in prayer posture as i approached her, i explained that my mum had just been discharged from the hospital and had really wanted to pray to the goddess of mercy. i guessed my explanation did not helped for she stared at me using her "i-wanna-kill-you-eyes!" and repeated at the top of her voice: "you cannot bring the wheelchair in! i have just swept the floor and you will dirty my floor!" hmmm, now this excuse sounded a little off-track and lame. so again, i held my breathe and explained firmly to her that the wheelchair was clean and that it would not dirty the floor. i went on to explain to her the importance of this visit and volunteered to clean the floor for her if the wheelchair dirtied the floor. i sounded like i was not going to give in. she too did not seemed too keen to let me pass. i maintained my stare. she did the same from the corner of her eyes. then, she gave in and reluctantly said something to the effect of "go! go! do it quick and get out!"... i did not like her tone, but i thanked her and continued to wheel my mum in to pray. it didn't bother me that the lady continued grumbling as i wheeled my mum to do her prayers. when we completed, i wheeled my mum out and i walked up to the lady again to thank her. frankly, my doing so was more out of sarcasm rather than to thank her. she again stared at me from the corner of her eyes and her blacker than black face. but i thought, what the heck, i did what i wanted to do. so, to hell with her! and we left.
anyway, i borught up this story now because this morning, when we reached the bright hill temple, the lady was there again. she was sitting by the entrance of the hall and of cos she recognised me. i mean, who wouldn't right? not many people bring their mother there in a wheelchair like i did, and much less had a little tiff with the lady. we reached there and we prayed. and this time, i decided not to antagonize the lady further. i decided to just pray outside the hall and left. but i did something naughty, i walked my mum one round the temple perimeter. and when i passed the lady, i stared right into her eyes. she looked away and then as if realizing that looking away was a recognition of defeat, she turned back and stared me into my eyes. i continued and locked my eyes at her. she did so too... i only looked away when i walked passed her. that short moment was one helluva hostile and tense.
admittedly, when i stared at her, i asked myself if there was a need. but i decided that i should relent to my vengeful side in the end. i decided that even if i were to say "hello good morning" to her, she would either give me a "what the hell" look or simply stare at me from the corner of her eyes. so, i decided to be bitchy instead. hmmm... well, i was naughty i must say. but it certainly did fulfil my ego. well... this is perhaps one of the few negative aspects of me that i must learn to let go. so far, it is still works in progress.
but whatever the case, i felt good doing it.
:-)
you see, i brought mum to the bright hill temple sometime late last year. that was when she had just gotten discharged from the hospital for her pneumonia and she was rather sickly and immobile. but she had wanted on going to bright hill temple to pray to the buddha and goddess of mercy at the temple. it was also something i wanted to do cos i knew how important such a visit would be to her psychologically. it was a couple of days after her discharge when we made the trip. at the temple, i wheeled her down to the temple of the ten-thousand hand goddess of mercy. after offering the incense outside the hall, i proceeded to wheel her into the temple hall itself. that was when the auntie caretaker shouted (a more appropriate word would be "scream") at us at the top of her voice across the hall: "ooi! ooi! ooi! you cannot push the wheelchair inside!" there are many things i dislike people doing and one of it was to shout out to me in a such a hostile manner and addressing me as "ooi!". harlow! i have a name lo. and if you do not know my name, at least call me "uncle" or "ah boy" or whatever. such rudeness always has an immediate effect on me. and on the spot, my temper rose. i was slightly trembling with fury as i walked up to her. i had to remind myself to stay calm. and clasping my hands in prayer posture as i approached her, i explained that my mum had just been discharged from the hospital and had really wanted to pray to the goddess of mercy. i guessed my explanation did not helped for she stared at me using her "i-wanna-kill-you-eyes!" and repeated at the top of her voice: "you cannot bring the wheelchair in! i have just swept the floor and you will dirty my floor!" hmmm, now this excuse sounded a little off-track and lame. so again, i held my breathe and explained firmly to her that the wheelchair was clean and that it would not dirty the floor. i went on to explain to her the importance of this visit and volunteered to clean the floor for her if the wheelchair dirtied the floor. i sounded like i was not going to give in. she too did not seemed too keen to let me pass. i maintained my stare. she did the same from the corner of her eyes. then, she gave in and reluctantly said something to the effect of "go! go! do it quick and get out!"... i did not like her tone, but i thanked her and continued to wheel my mum in to pray. it didn't bother me that the lady continued grumbling as i wheeled my mum to do her prayers. when we completed, i wheeled my mum out and i walked up to the lady again to thank her. frankly, my doing so was more out of sarcasm rather than to thank her. she again stared at me from the corner of her eyes and her blacker than black face. but i thought, what the heck, i did what i wanted to do. so, to hell with her! and we left.
anyway, i borught up this story now because this morning, when we reached the bright hill temple, the lady was there again. she was sitting by the entrance of the hall and of cos she recognised me. i mean, who wouldn't right? not many people bring their mother there in a wheelchair like i did, and much less had a little tiff with the lady. we reached there and we prayed. and this time, i decided not to antagonize the lady further. i decided to just pray outside the hall and left. but i did something naughty, i walked my mum one round the temple perimeter. and when i passed the lady, i stared right into her eyes. she looked away and then as if realizing that looking away was a recognition of defeat, she turned back and stared me into my eyes. i continued and locked my eyes at her. she did so too... i only looked away when i walked passed her. that short moment was one helluva hostile and tense.
admittedly, when i stared at her, i asked myself if there was a need. but i decided that i should relent to my vengeful side in the end. i decided that even if i were to say "hello good morning" to her, she would either give me a "what the hell" look or simply stare at me from the corner of her eyes. so, i decided to be bitchy instead. hmmm... well, i was naughty i must say. but it certainly did fulfil my ego. well... this is perhaps one of the few negative aspects of me that i must learn to let go. so far, it is still works in progress.
but whatever the case, i felt good doing it.
:-)
secretaries
have almost stopped job searching following the more than positive response from the company. but it's been 2 days since the md's secretary called telling me the coo's secretary will be arranging for a meeting with the coo-man. so i called the md's secretary this morning to check what the status is and why i have not heard from the coo-man's secretary. as expected, she said that the coo-man is very busy and his schedule is very very tight. but she's sure his secretary will call me once she can firm up a time slot. hmmm. am hoping nothing is wrong. anyway, i have asked her to relay my message to the coo-man's secretary and to remind her to do the necessary arrangements.
you can never underestimate the power of secretaries...
hoping for the best.
you can never underestimate the power of secretaries...
hoping for the best.
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
together as one
got this surprise mail from sam. didn't expect it. thought it was so sweet. there were 2 versions of the poem. this is the updated one.
joining hands, you moved as one;
enjoying the company, enjoying the fun.
free from prejudices;
free from conformity;
releasing your hearts in giving,
epitomizing the essence of love,
yearn not for eternity but the enjoyment of the moment.
&
skipping over faults and idiosyncrasies,
understanding is the key.
happiness is yours to keep,
only if you cherish,
when your hearts feel the beat of each other.
^^^^^^^^^^^
thanks sam! so sweet of you! much appreciated!
joining hands, you moved as one;
enjoying the company, enjoying the fun.
free from prejudices;
free from conformity;
releasing your hearts in giving,
epitomizing the essence of love,
yearn not for eternity but the enjoyment of the moment.
&
skipping over faults and idiosyncrasies,
understanding is the key.
happiness is yours to keep,
only if you cherish,
when your hearts feel the beat of each other.
^^^^^^^^^^^
thanks sam! so sweet of you! much appreciated!
our simple dinner
a simple sushi dinner @ ion orchard, a quick shopping walkabout at scotts, a short hunt for and purchase of sweet tau sar piah and a bottle of moscato at tangs... that was our simple evening. and yes, sweet tau sar piah actually go well with chilled moscato!
:-)
:-)
Monday, 26 April 2010
chiropractor review
went to the chiropractor this afternoon for my 3rd review. it was clear that my shoulders are more balanced (compared to my first visit where my right shoulder was obviously lower than my left) and my spine (hence my posture) is very much more straightened and upright now.
:-)
:-)
the coo man
got a call from the company this morning. been informed that the coo-man wants to interview me and that the secretary will be contacting me to arrange the details! things are looking positive.
:-)
:-)
Sunday, 25 April 2010
kite-flying
today, we went kite-flying with ming. it was our first attempt. and well, as expected of all gay men, we went complete with a psychedelic electric blue coloured ground sheet (actually it was my shower curtain, hahahaha!), wine, rose tea, apple juice, potato chips, pork ribs, cakes, la la la... and of cos, not to mention, a kite with a rainbow coloured tail and another in the shape of a bumble bee. and we found a perfect place to fly our kites and drink our wine! it was by the side of a main road next to the kallang canal. and ooooohhh... it was such a sight! of cos of cos, we were the object of the site and yes, there was also a canoeist in the canal. heh heh heh...
ok, let's be serious. kite-flying was really fun. we had two kites and bee and ming flew one each. as for me, i did not actually fly the kite per se. i act-act only. pretend to fly but actually more like they bring it up there, i held on to the string. heh heh... the rainbow kite flew real well but the bumble bee one kept nose-diving. it only started flying when i tied a cold storage plastic bag at the base to give it some balance. so unglam right!? gaymen flying a kite with a cold storage bag... doh! anyway, i was the one running around like a busy housewife, oh, i mean, housefly snapping away pictures of them. and of cos, i was also busy chasing away ants and other creepy crawlies that had made themselves comfortable on my ground sheet! it was a good 2 hour. and oooh, although kite flying looked pretty simple, trust me, it was not. we actually perspired! then again, it might have been the sun...
:-)
ok, let's be serious. kite-flying was really fun. we had two kites and bee and ming flew one each. as for me, i did not actually fly the kite per se. i act-act only. pretend to fly but actually more like they bring it up there, i held on to the string. heh heh... the rainbow kite flew real well but the bumble bee one kept nose-diving. it only started flying when i tied a cold storage plastic bag at the base to give it some balance. so unglam right!? gaymen flying a kite with a cold storage bag... doh! anyway, i was the one running around like a busy housewife, oh, i mean, housefly snapping away pictures of them. and of cos, i was also busy chasing away ants and other creepy crawlies that had made themselves comfortable on my ground sheet! it was a good 2 hour. and oooh, although kite flying looked pretty simple, trust me, it was not. we actually perspired! then again, it might have been the sun...
:-)
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