mum's paranoia has started again. i have observed her throwing away food that i gave her over several occasions in the past few weeks but decided to leave things as it was. i thought it was mild and manageable since she did not show any outward signs of hostilities towards me. and yesterday, i got my confirmation when things got a bit out of hand.
you see, for the pass few days, her behaviour has increasingly gotten more and more weird. other than throwing away things, she started looking at me suspiciously in the evenings when i head out for my exercises. and on saturday, when sis came to pick her up for dinner (i had arranged a birthday celebration dinner with my uni friends) she told my second sis that i have gotten acquainted with a lady who supposedly had cheated my (late) dad of his money and that i have gone out to meet her every evenings. she believes we are planning to harm her. i came to know of this when my sis shared with me what my mum told her.
yesterday was my niece's 3rd birthday celebrations and just before we headed to my brother's place, she asked if i had taken back the house key from bee. it was kinda out of the blue. but connecting the dots, i knew something must be in her mind and told her i had. i added that she should stop her suspicions about bee. she didn't take my response well and started being defensive about why she asked. things eventually spiraled to her accusing me of not being happy with her and if that was so, she should just leave the house... and after that she refused to talk to me, pout and pulled a long face through the day. and by evening when all the celebrations was done, she refused to come home with me. and to make things worst, she got anxious and her breathlessness kicked in. it took us a long while and after my brother raising his voice that she grudgingly followed me home.
she is now throwing tantrums and going through emotional swings again.
gotta see how manage her these few days.
will have to adjust her meds again.
will have to adjust her meds again.
You are an angel.
ReplyDeleteI will never care for my mother like you do. Not after what she did to me.
Dear Anon,
ReplyDeleteI feel sad when I read your comments. You need to find the closure to the negative experiences you've had with your mum. For me, I can never repay her for carrying me for 9 months and bringing me into this world. Regardless of what she did, positive or negative, I believe she has her reasons, reasons that only she herself can understand and I am in no position nor do I want to question. Now that she is old, I take it as my responsibility to care for her.
I sense a deep anger in your comments. If it helps, perhaps you can consider framing the negative experiences positively. Experiences without which you would not have the opportunities to learn about valuable life skills and appreciation of what is right vs wrong.
May peace be with you.
Hi Peace,
ReplyDeleteBeen a while since I came and read up on your blog. You are a very amazing person. From your writing, there seems to be endless energy in you and I wish I had even a fraction of what you have. It's always a turn on to see how you turn a negative to positive. Keep up your spirit.
To the person who commented earlier, thou he may not be reading this. Just to add to what Peace stated in his 2nd para to you. All things in life is at least 2 dimensions. None have only one sided. If there are anger and frustrations, if you look harder, you will find the peace and happiness in it somewhere hidden from your view. I know it is easier said than done, cause lots of time too I think like you. Not being able to forgive or forget about whats been done to me. But at the end of the road, we will all die and isn't it a miracle that despite the world being so huge, you manage to cross path with a certain people. Imagine life being played out differently without the person you had differences with. Would you had it any better with someone else in that role?
Just a 5cent worth. Cheers and metta to all. :)
shyC: with metta too.
ReplyDeleteI tried for the past 20years. It did not work out. Appreciate the advice anyway.
ReplyDelete