every time i visit the mental institute outpatient clinic, i would feel somewhat uncomfortable. i know it probably does not sound too nice to say so, but yeah, i felt uncomfortable. and this is because there are outpatients who behave in a rather rowdy manner, people who shout without any reasons, people who walk up to me to ask for money, who laughs, etc...
on one hand, i feel sad for them. they are human beings and they must have gone through some terrible experiences to suffer such mental conditions. it must have been really traumatic for them. yet on the other hand, i have a slight fear for my own safety. what if they assault me, i thought. these people could possibly turn aggressive if they get aggravated, and it is not easy to know what could trigger an aggressive response. and with such thoughts, i felt a little unsettled.
well, one can probably say such reactions are natural and that my fears are not unfounded. yet, on the other hand, i felt bad for that fact that my fears are also a reflection that i have not been able to open my heart sufficiently to them, and worst of all, this fear prevented me from reaching out to them.
i need to reflect on this and cultivate myself more.
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