experiment

mum has gradually normalize over the week after i adjusted her meds. but i can still see some signs of anxiety in the evenings. between dinner to about 10pm, she would repeatedly ask if i would be leaving the house to exercise. and when i leave, she would remind me again and again to leave a light on, to lock all doors and windows, etc.

the next day, when i see her, she would start the conversation by stating that once again, you had gone out till very late (cos she noted the lights were still on when she wake up middle of the night) and so on...  and when i said no, and instead asked her the reasons for such repeated statements, she would get defensive and instead said she was simply asking with "no other intentions or meanings" or that "she's not asking who i had gone out with", etc.

and the story repeats daily, regardless of how long or how short my exercise duration was, she would say the same thing and get defensive. you know, the thing is, by saying all those things about "no other intentions", etc, she actually said a lot more than she knew. to me, it reflected a deep sense of suspicion in her about me leaving the house. and i attribute this to her paranoia.

so tonight, i have decided to do an experiment. i shall leave the light switched on even after i retire to my room. let her wake up, find the living room light still on, and me sleeping. i am not sure how she would react but i am hoping that she would no longer associate the light being switched on as me not home (and hence staying out late). and i think i shall repeat this till she gets used to it. 

let's see what happens tomorrow...

good night!