after the whole weekend tensions and the mirror disaster, i had hoped for a smooth start to the week. well, it did not. my week did not start well.
woke up, got myself ready for work and next thing I know, mum asked me to bring her to pay respects to my grandparents. i asked why and she said they came back to visit her in her dreams and warned her that people are conniving to steal my salary and my money. hmmm, how would you respond to such an input? well, i told her not to have wild thoughts and gave her details of my salary and a point to point breakdown of how i use my salary every month. told her her worries were unfounded and she should not think too much... i left for work after that.
for the whole freaking day, i tried to call and check on her but there was no reply. got calls from my sis telling me she had more than 7 missed calls from mum. i sensed something wrong and hurried home at about 4pm, the time when she'd return from the rehab center.
when i saw her, i asked if she's ok and why was it she did not pick up the phone. what i did not expect to get a trashing from her. apart from accusing me of demanding 30k from her, she also said her money in her wallet was missing. the sentences in this whole episode was totally illogical. at one moment, i was accused of demanding 30k, at one moment, i was chasing her out of the house, and the next moment, i was shirking my responsibilities to take care of her, and so on. and as she rattled on, the allegations and story just got more and more wild and twisted.
i totally lost my cool! tried to ask her to try to understand me. tried to explain to her i was explaining how i use my salary and not demanding money from her (and goodness knows how she got that magic number 30k! would have taken me many month to earn that amount!), tried to tell her she is giving me a lot of stress with her wild allegations... but it was no use, she just kept on with her allegations of 30k and so on.
i left her alone after a while and when i thought things where relatively cooler, i offered to her fruit juice. again, she screamed at me and shouted that she would no longer recognize me as her son. she went further to also disown all her children, my siblings...
that was it. i had reached my ultimate limit. alright, you don't recognise me as your son, but you cannot ignore the fact that you are my late-father's wife and my late-grandfather's daughter-in-law. and given that they are dead, i shall lecture you in the capacity of the head of the household, a status i inherited when my father died! that you have been married into the family and you have no right to disown someone with my surname! no one shall malign nor spoil my surname, not one who was married into the family.
i lectured her for 2hours. she kept quiet. i admit i was harsh. i had assumed the role of a fucking traditional male chauvanistic pig. but i was really at my wits end. i reckoned if i have to use such tones and angle to deliver my message for her to understand and put her in the right place, i will fucking do it!
damned!
woke up, got myself ready for work and next thing I know, mum asked me to bring her to pay respects to my grandparents. i asked why and she said they came back to visit her in her dreams and warned her that people are conniving to steal my salary and my money. hmmm, how would you respond to such an input? well, i told her not to have wild thoughts and gave her details of my salary and a point to point breakdown of how i use my salary every month. told her her worries were unfounded and she should not think too much... i left for work after that.
for the whole freaking day, i tried to call and check on her but there was no reply. got calls from my sis telling me she had more than 7 missed calls from mum. i sensed something wrong and hurried home at about 4pm, the time when she'd return from the rehab center.
when i saw her, i asked if she's ok and why was it she did not pick up the phone. what i did not expect to get a trashing from her. apart from accusing me of demanding 30k from her, she also said her money in her wallet was missing. the sentences in this whole episode was totally illogical. at one moment, i was accused of demanding 30k, at one moment, i was chasing her out of the house, and the next moment, i was shirking my responsibilities to take care of her, and so on. and as she rattled on, the allegations and story just got more and more wild and twisted.
i totally lost my cool! tried to ask her to try to understand me. tried to explain to her i was explaining how i use my salary and not demanding money from her (and goodness knows how she got that magic number 30k! would have taken me many month to earn that amount!), tried to tell her she is giving me a lot of stress with her wild allegations... but it was no use, she just kept on with her allegations of 30k and so on.
i left her alone after a while and when i thought things where relatively cooler, i offered to her fruit juice. again, she screamed at me and shouted that she would no longer recognize me as her son. she went further to also disown all her children, my siblings...
that was it. i had reached my ultimate limit. alright, you don't recognise me as your son, but you cannot ignore the fact that you are my late-father's wife and my late-grandfather's daughter-in-law. and given that they are dead, i shall lecture you in the capacity of the head of the household, a status i inherited when my father died! that you have been married into the family and you have no right to disown someone with my surname! no one shall malign nor spoil my surname, not one who was married into the family.
i lectured her for 2hours. she kept quiet. i admit i was harsh. i had assumed the role of a fucking traditional male chauvanistic pig. but i was really at my wits end. i reckoned if i have to use such tones and angle to deliver my message for her to understand and put her in the right place, i will fucking do it!
damned!
4 comments:
Hi, I guess you had no choice when you did what you did to keep the peace.
I would feel equally frustrated if I were in your situation and would not be able to handle it as well as you did.
Maybe I would be like your siblings and Bee, choosing to stay away instead of dealing with something which we have no control over and feel that we could not handle, and no matter how much we tried we would not be able to improve the situation or bring about any change.
Your mother does need delicate handling, not easy. But in my opinion, you have done well so far.
Your post actually reminded me of my mother-in-law. Every time she pours out her grievances and grouses to my husband, his face gets all screwed up.
For so many years she was filled with resentment and hatred that she sees everything and everyone around her negatively and when she is igitated, she is beyond reason.
He feels sad and frustrated for his mum because she could not let go although life is good now, and continues to make her life and also her children's lives miserable.
didn't feel good to do what i did, and i am not sure if anyone who have not undergone what i went through would understand me. but aighs...
thanks for the words ladybird.
much appreciated.
hope everything is well on your side!
Hi, thanks. I'm fine here. Just busy preparing the children for their SA1, on top of keeping house, of which I am not doing a good job. I tire easily, perhaps because I'm anaemic.
I pity the children, especially the ones struggling with their English. After 3 years of education, some of them are still not able to write a correct sentence.
I also pity those who have loads of homework to do - both school and tuition homework. Some of them have tuition in every subject and also music and art lessons.
When I asked if they had been to the beach to build sandcastles or any other places of interest during the one-week school holidays, it was sad to hear their replies - NEVER...NO TIME...
sighs... i supposed the system we are in is a rather competitive one, and that our parents are also trying hard to ensure the children get a head start in life.
hard to balance huh!
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