introverts & stress

the problem with introverts like me is that one the surface, things will seem very controlled and calm. but inside, there is a whole damned amount of pent up emotions. and there is often no outlets and all the negative energies get directed to myself. i end up getting destroyed inside. and with internal destruction, my abilitites to manage the source of stress/ stressors weakened. and when hit a certain point, all energies, that had been pent up, will erupt, burst out and be directed at the source of the stress...

this had happened a couple of times in my life, especially at work. i usually end up screaming back at my bosses and gave them a earful. it happened in 1996, 1999 and again in 2002 when i burst and literally fucked my bosses during those periods. and when it is about people i work with, i end up scolding them so badly, they wished they never existed. in 1995, i punished my whole unit publicly and scolded my deputy openly. in 2005, i scolded my female staff until she cry. she resigned after that...

i must say i have and am still learning to manage myself. and the person (well, not a person per se) who had "tamed" me significantly over the years is none other than my closest companion - sapphie.

ok, am not sure where i am heading in this post, but really, i hope to continually manage this aspect of me. sapphie had helped. religion had helped. i think i need to try harder...