mirror mirror

i thought i could spend some quality time with bee after getting mum to agree not to watch the movie. and i booked tickets for the show mirror mirror. but it was fucking ironic that in my carelessness while reversing my car at the theatre car park, i crashed the side mirror into the pillar. the side mirror broke and fell off. well, so be it, what's done cannot be undone, no use crying over it. i accepted it. in fact, i didn't respond negatively to it. my immediate thought was - it was only a mirror, can be changed. after all, i was already so used to having my car crashed, scratched, scrapped, bangged etc. and even when others drive my car and had it scrapped, i took it all in stride. as long as no one got injured, all is ok. that was my thinking.

but what i totally didn't expect to happen was the sudden explosion by bee. he chided me for being careless (exact word - ru mang). i supposed it was a built-up to all the unspoken tensions in him. he had behaved most weirdly when i said i wanted to bring mum out for a show this afternoon. his whole body language changed. his tone of voice changed. his carried a frown on his face since then. and i believed the culmination of his tensions of me not giving him enough attention, of being more attentive to mum, of seemingly not sending her to the old folks home, etc contributed to this sudden explosion. sighs, i often wondered why he cannot understand me and how i am managing my mum.

fuck the mirror. fuck the mirror mirror. fuck the twenty over dollars of movie tickets. totally fucked up my mood for the evening. third fucked up weekend in a roll. and i thought i could have a good evening out with him.