Grateful 7 Mar: Life

Several things happened today that reminded me of life as a whole. It is interesting how life’s lessons appear when you least expect it - in a simple book, the memory of a loved companion, or even the fleeting presence of a bird. Each moment reminds me of the beauty, impermanence, and interconnectedness of life. So today, I give thanks for:

• Big Panda & Little Dragon. I mentioned this last week and realized I’ve had the book with me all along. I took it off my bookshelf this morning, skimmed through it, and was immediately hooked all over again. It’s such a simple, straightforward read, yet full of life lessons. Every illustration and quote feels so relatable. I’m thankful for this rediscovery and the joy it brings. 

• Sapphie. Sapphie, my late dog (photo above), passed away on 22 March 2016 - exactly 10 years ago this month. A spontaneous question from my buddy about past pets prompted me to look through some old photos I had kept. Seeing her brought a smile to my face, tinged with a little ache in my heart. I thank her for the selfless love she gave me over 15 years and 4 months of her life. 

• Dead Pigeon. Walking out of my condo backgate today, I noticed a dead pigeon on the park connector, its body twisted awkwardly in the hot sun. I felt a pang of sadness looking at the carcass. Realizing there was nothing I could do, I walked on. Later, I returned and moved it to the grass. I want to ensure it wouldn’t be stepped on or cycled over. The pigeon is considered a pest by many, but in death, a little dignity and respect should nonetheless be accorded to it. This experience is similar to another that occurred in 2005 and reminded me that life is delicate and fleeting. I’m grateful for this quiet, poignant reminder.

Today’s experiences remind me that life reveals itself in unexpected and simple moments. From the joy of revisiting familiar stories, to the warmth of memories that linger, to the quiet reminders of life’s fragility, each experience deepens my awareness and gratitude. I close this journal feeling present, thankful, and gently reminded of the preciousness of every living moment.

Grateful 6 Mar: Ex-Colleagues

It’s a lovely day to be able to catch up with old colleagues and reminisce about those corporate life days. It’s been 3 years and much has changed. Names were mentioned, many of whom I do not know. And for those that I do know, some have been promoted and many have also left the company - either joining another organisation or taking a career break. I therefore want to give thanks for: 

• My Ex-Team. Despite having left 3 years ago, we have remained in constant contact, catching up with one another over simple meals and sharing updates on the developments in our respective lives. We are more friends than just ex-colleagues now and I am thankful for that. In addition, they have also come to me individually whenever they need advice about work, career, life, professional development and so on. I am also thankful for the support they have all extended to me when I needed it. 

• Simple Conversations. One of the topics we spoke about during our catch-up was movies, and the song “Tian Mi Mi” (甜蜜蜜) came up. It was such a coincidence as this was the theme song of the movie I watched yesterday: Comrades: Almost a Love Story (1996). It made for good banter and sharing since we were talking about all sorts of topics during our 2 - 3 hour catch-up, jumping from movies to work memories and back again. Moments like these also remind me how simple conversations can unexpectedly connect different experiences across time.

• Another Ex-Colleague. I met up with another ex-colleague after lunch. It was meant to be a quick meet-up to pass her some traditional pastries, but we ended up having a quick drink and catch-up instead. I meet up with her rather regularly, and she had volunteered as my coachee during the months leading up to my obtaining my coaching credentials 2 years ago. It was nice to catch up again, and I am thankful to her for her time. 

Looking back, what stands out most from these catch-ups is the camaraderie we nurtured during our time in the office. The many good and bad moments we went through together continue to bind us long after we left the company. And I am especially grateful that although I was their HOD back then, they are still able to connect with me without too much difficulty. This reinforces my belief that friendship can be forged after we leave our company. For that, I am grateful.

Grateful 5 Mar: Abundance

I woke up today feeling good, knowing that I have managed to clear most of the weight I gained over the past week or so. It was a reassuring start to the day, and it reminded me that with a bit of discipline and consistency, things can be brought back into balance again. The day itself went by rather routinely - with my usual exercises, work, and quiet moments in between. I also had a visit from B, who had just returned from his hometown. This visit end up being the highlight of the day. So today, I find myself grateful for the following: 

• Dinner & Food. B visited and brought dinner along with some food from his hometown. I am always touched by this simple but thoughtful gesture. Each time he goes home, he makes the effort to remember this friend of his and brings something back for me. Such thoughts and acts carry a great deal of warmth and kindness and I am deeply grateful of. 

• Lovely Evening. I also thank B for the nice evening chatting, listening to songs and catching up. He recommended and we watched Comrades: Almost a Love Story (1996) (picture above). It was such a lovely show! Watching Maggie Cheung and Leon Lai on screen again brought back a wave of nostalgia. And of course, hearing Teresa Teng’s songs once more added to that familiar, sentimental feeling. There was a great evening - not just from the film and music, but also the conversation, and the simple joy of spending time with a friend. Some films and songs seem to carry a timeless quality - they bring us back to another era and remind us of how certain emotions never really change. 

• Abundance Again. And so I end the day with plenty of food in my fridge once again! Not only from B, but also because my sis dropped by too and brought even more food. Just when I thought I had finally managed to clear most of the food in my fridge, it is now fully stocked again. Haha. It feels a little ironic, considering how hard I have been working to manage my weight. Nonetheless, I give thanks to these warmth and abundance. 

I end the day feeling rather full and slightly bloated and the cycle of weight gain and weight loss will have to begin all over again. But then again, this is hardly something to complain about. All the food in my fridge represents the care and generosity of people around me. In that sense, I remain deeply grateful to be surrounded by such warmth, not only from my sister, but also from friends who continue to remember me in their own quiet ways. A quiet abundance, indeed.

Grateful 4 Mar: Work Engagements

It was a busy and mentally engaging day - one that really exercised my grey matter, and I enjoyed it. Here are my key takeaways from today:

• Material Review. I’ll be teaching a new module next month, and it’s a topic close to my heart. As I reviewed the slides provided, it was evident that the content lack theoretical rigour and the module lead/ developer’s lack of corporate experience. I guess have more work ahead of me and I’ll need to do the content “clean up” sensitively. Positively, this process allows me to refresh my understanding of the material in very real terms, and I’m grateful for that opportunity.

• Workshop. I attended a workshop this evening and came away with some insights about breaking out of mindsets. The hands-on nature of the session made the learning practical and memorable, and I’m grateful for the chance to gain fresh perspectives on the topic.

• Catching up. I had the chance to network with most of my fellow trainers who were at the workshop. Since most of our training sessions are conducted online, we mainly interact with learners and not each other. Today’s session gave me the opportunity to get to know my peers better, and I’m thankful for this in-person connection.

Overall, today was both stimulating and rewarding. I’m thankful for the opportunities to learn, connect, and grow - both intellectually and professionally.

How I Know I am Old

I walked through the uni this afternoon and saw a casually dressed young man with a knapsack walked by. Just when I thought he was a uni student, I saw other kids walked by, nodded respectfully and greeted him, “Good afternoon, Sir”… oh… he is a lecturer… I was immediately reminded of my age. Well, on further reflection, I share here a list of observations and takes on how I know I have grown old - with age… 

• When people start telling me, “Hey, age is just a number”… and I didn’t even say anything. 

• When I start to find some bus drivers hot, and I take the public bus and sit right at the front just to watch the bus driver do his job, ogling his arms and how each muscle twitches as he drives along. OMG, many of them look young, muscular and full of youthful vigour. 

• When I book a taxi or Grab (the Uber equivalent) and, just like with bus drivers, think they are young but wonder whether I will be safe. Also, I sometimes book these rides and then take a screenshot and zoom into the picture to see if whoever accepted my booking is cute! LOL…

• When I go to the clinic and/ or hospital and find the doctors young and kiddish. I’m like - OMG! They could be my kids! Or OMG! They behave like kids! And of course, I admit I even question their credibility and whether they are even qualified, considering how young they look! 

• When the songs I sing at karaoke sound foreign to many because they are younger and do not identify with the songs I know… and they just let me sing by myself. The more upfront ones would simply say, “Baba, the songs you sing are very before our time…” (read - prehistoric). 

• When the songs that appear on my YouTube are categorised as “old songs from the 60s, 70s, 80s” or “golden hits from the past” and feature singers I know so well: The Carpenters, Donny and Marie Osmond, Madonna, Alphaville, Donna Summer, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Oliver Newton John, etc. You get it. 

• When the shows and MTVs that appear on my YouTube feature actors and actresses and I go: OMG! Brad Pitt looks like a kid in the show… (ditto for Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, Renée Zellweger, etc), and then I realise the show was some 20-30 over years ago and these actors are in their late-50s or more now! 

• When I read the daily news and go - what the hell is this journalist saying? Such amateurish writing and poor analysis of events. And to convince I am not out of line, I even run the article by Gen AI and Gen AI agrees with me, but says diplomatically that what the journalist wrote is simply a younger generation’s perspective - and that I, being a more mature (read - old) person who has gone through much, will perhaps have a different perspective. 

So yes, the young man turned out to be “Sir” and somewhere along the way, I became “Uncle”. Life moves fast. But I must say - I age gracefully (and maybe even glamorously). And this is a fact, not self consolation!

Ahem!

Grateful 3 Mar: CNY Chap Goh Meh

This is the final day of CNY and it’s an important day for many. We call it “Chap Goh Meh” or Hokkien for “The Fifteenth Night”. It is also the first full moon of the Chinese calendar. Let me thus give thanks to the following:

• Family. I had a surprise text from my sis last afternoon inviting me for Chap Goh Meh dinner tonight. It turned out to be a lovely curry fish head dinner with her and my brother-in-law. I am glad and thankful that I am able to spend this special day with family - a day when many gather for a final round of CNY reunion.

• Dinner. We had a curry fish head zichar dinner - an unusual dinner for a CNY get-together. But as I had reflected previously, having such multicultural fare is something very normal for us. The curry fish head, together with dishes such as ginseng chicken, sinchew noodles, made for a sumptuous meal - a very nice treat from the usual home-cooked fare that I had been eating these days. And we had another round of yusheng too!

• Blood Moon. Today is an auspicious day for us. And to have a total lunar eclipse on this particular day is certainly rare. Some may call it an ill omen, as a lunar eclipse is said to be akin to the dragon swallowing the moon - which I was made to believe when I was a kid living in the kampung - but not to me. I’m glad I lived to experience such a rare occasion, although regrettably I only get to see the partial eclipse as it was cloudy during the full eclipse.

As the first full moon marks the close of this festive season, I end the day with a quiet heart - grateful for family, for simple joys, and for the rare moments the heavens choose to remind us how small, yet blessed, we are.

Grateful 2 Mar: Air, Water, Earth

I want to give thanks to the usual mundane things that we often don't give enough attention to: 

• Air. I am thankful for the fresh air I breathe today, and for that matter, daily. It is there all the time. And I’m not specifically referring to just oxygen. Every element found in air contributes to life in some sense or other, and we cannot do without it. It moves in and out of me quietly, sustaining me without asking for recognition. And for its presence, I give thanks. 

• Water. I am thankful for the water I drink. And not just water per se, but the presence of water in every fluid I take in - coconut water, juices, tea, even the occasional Coke. Water is the base of everything and is present in every cell of my body. It nourishes, cleanses and restores without discrimination. And for its presence, I give thanks. 

• Earth. I am thankful for the solid elements that are a part of me, that support me and nourish me - the food I eat, the ground I walk on, the shelter that protects me, the tangible things I can see, hold, feel and taste. These are the physical forms that make me and make life possible. They provide structure, stability and sustenance. And for their presence, I give thanks.

All these tangible things are a part of me, and they sustain me. Yet I do not think I give enough focus to them, precisely because of their omnipresence. They are so constant that I take them as a given. Today, I remind myself to acknowledge what has always been quietly supporting me, and to offer my gratitude for their faithful presence.

Grateful 1 Mar (2): Safe

I want to do a special post today and express how grateful I am to know that a friend is home safe and not caught in the thick of the mess that’s happening in the Middle East now. 

She has been working in the Middle East since last year but has returned for the weekend. She’s supposed to fly back last night but just as she was about to check in, she was told the airspace had been closed and all flights were cancelled. Am so glad she’s back home safe and sound. Whew!

Work is important, but nothing is more important than her safety.

Grateful 1 Mar (1): BC

Buddhist classes restarted today after a 3-week CNY break, and I had such a rich learning experience. I will not attempt, nor it is my intention to, to list all the learnings, but I want to call out the 3 important reminders that stood out for me:

• "The Company". During class, we watched a short video where the narrator shared lessons from "Big Panda & the Tiny Dragon". I had read the book before, but hearing the lesson again left me wowed. I truly agree: the company we keep often makes the process so much more fulfilling. 

• Love Yourself. The facilitator asked the class: What qualities do we expect from a best friend? Everyone shared answers like “warmth,” “understanding,” “non-judgmental,” “supportive,” and “being there.” Then he asked, How many of you ever consider yourself to be your own best friend? In that moment, he reminded us that we often externalise love and expectations, forgetting to start with ourselves. Only by loving ourselves first can we truly love others. It also highlighted how, as humans, we are conditioned from birth to seek validation and live by others’ standards - often without asking: What do I really want? Am I satisfied with who I am? I am deeply thankful for this reminder.

• Nurturing a Garden. Towards the end, my facilitator shared an analogy: life is like a plot of land. If we only focus on removing weeds, the plot remains barren. But if we plant seeds and nurture them with care, we grow a vibrant, flourishing garden. Similarly, by cultivating good values, deeds, and experiences, we create a meaningful and rich life. Focus solely on the weeds, and life can feel empty - a timely reminder indeed.

I walked out of today's class feeling much enriched. I have learned much: from meditation techniques to self-love and acceptance, importance of self awareness and the need to be proactive and work on things to improve ourselves, etc but these three lessons left the deepest impact. I’m truly glad Buddhist classes have restarted and that I came away with such meaningful insights.

Grateful 28 Feb: Food

Today, I want to give thanks to food and all the ways it nourishes me. Over CNY, with all the invites and celebrations, I haven’t really been able to stick to my usual diet, so my weight and macronutrients have been all over the place. Even so, I feel grateful for the abundance - and thoughtfulness - that’s surrounded me over the past two weeks. This sense of care and plenty feels like a positive start to the Fire Horse year. 

• Abundant and Thoughtful Meals. I’m grateful for the abundance of food and the care my family puts into it. Even with many coffee shops and food outlets closed during the first two days of CNY, I’ve never been short of a meal. My sister, aunt, and cousin have all packed food for me, so there’s always something ready to eat. Sometimes I even find myself wondering what I should choose - a nice problem to have! I make sure not to waste anything, spreading meals over several sittings and using proteins from my fridge to boost them. This stretches the food over more days and keeps my meals balanced, which I really appreciate. 

• Foods that Help Me Stay Balanced. I’m thankful for the foods that help my body stay balanced despite indulgence. Today, I had 2 bananas and a can of coconut water - both rich in potassium - which help counter the high sodium in CNY dishes. These foods support recovery, prevent cramps, and help me feel better after exercise or indulgent meals. Even amidst rich, salty foods, having these small additions makes me feel nourished and looked after. It’s a simple reminder that food can both delight and support wellbeing. 

• Thoughtful Preparation. I’m grateful for the steps I’ve taken to prepare for myself. My fridge is stocked with protein sources - eggs, meat, prawns, chicken, tau kwa - which I can rely on to keep my meals balanced and to maintain my muscle mass. Tonight’s dinner really shows this in action: the sardines and bitter gourd stir-fry with chicken and black beans were brought over by my sister, and I added an egg from my fridge to boost the protein. It’s a simple combination, but it reminds me how I can enjoy festive foods while keeping my meals protein-strong. Knowing I have these options on hand gives me reassurance that, even during indulgent periods, I can take care of myself and stay on track. This mix of family care and personal preparation makes every meal feel nourishing and meaningful.

I am grateful to have access to such thoughtful, nourishing food every day. Even when my weight or macros swing, each meal - from family-prepared dishes to simple additions like bananas or coconut water - reminds me of the care, sustenance, and joy that food brings. I’m grateful for every bite and the role it plays in keeping me nourished, balanced, and well.

Grateful 27 Feb: Health

I decided to increase my exercise intensity today, and I’m glad I managed to follow through. I wanted to clear off some of the weight I had gained over the CNY period. So here’s what I want to call out in my gratitude journal today:

• Steps. By the end of the day, I had clocked about 23K steps - roughly 17km. It’s been a while since I covered such a distance, and it’s almost twice my regular daily average in recent weeks. I’m grateful that I’ve built my health well enough to do this - and even for the 10 - 12K steps I manage daily. Clocking my steps daily has become a habit; I feel like something is missing if I don’t. But the steps themselves are not the real outcome I’m striving for. Rather, the ability to clock them reminds me that I am healthy, and that my body is still capable of going the distance.

• Push-ups. When I started doing push-ups in mid-2025, I could barely do 20 without panting heavily. But I kept at it, and within 2 months, I was doing 200 - 300 daily (10 - 15 sets of 20). Push-ups is one of the few form of resistance training that I can do without needing weights. I would also include planks every few days, but over time I stopped. These days, I’ve reduced my push-ups to about 100 every 2 - 3 days, recognising that at my age, recovery time is needed. Today, however, I managed to complete 200 again, and I’m thankful I could do so without too much difficulty. Perhaps it’s time to revisit my planks, in addition to push-ups.

• Health. A key reason I focus so much on steps and resistance training - beyond vanity - is health. I’ve also become more conscious of my dietary habits, cutting down on fats and carbs while increasing my protein intake. I’m glad to see the results. Over the past 7 - 8 months, my health markers (BP, RHR, etc) have improved greatly - beyond my expectations. My weight dropped from about 75kg to around 63 - 64kg, probably the leanest I’ve been since my 30s. Most importantly, I feel stronger now, and I hardly experience any significant backaches these days. And for this, I am grateful.

So yeah, I give thanks to my health, my ability to walk and to do my push ups. I will work towards sustaining this habit for as long as I can. And for the near future, perhaps it’s time to focus on building a little more muscle mass. 

Jiayou ba!

Grateful 26 Feb: CNY Connections (3)

Today, I had the chance to meet up with my aunt’s extended family for our annual CNY dinner. This aunt, the 2nd eldest sister of my dad, is already in her 90s, and her health has been deteriorating rather quickly in recent years and I am glad to be able to meet up with her and her family today. On this note, let me give thanks for:

• Family. My aunt has 5 children and my cousins are all in their 60s. It feels good to be able to connect with them every CNY. Among my generation, I am the only one invited to join them - not just for their annual CNY dinner, but also for their family get-togethers every few months. I always appreciate their hospitality; they make me feel so welcome each time I visit. My cousin, PL, also consistently makes it a point to prepare extra food for me to bring home after the CNY dinner. I am truly thankful for the way they include me, and I always look forward to our yearly reunion.

• Cousins. I am always thankful for the warmth my cousins show whenever we meet up. Among my cousins, I am probably closest to two of them - PL, who is the primary caregiver for my aunt, and CS, her brother, who currently resides in Australia. I suppose I am closer to PL because I can appreciate the challenges she faces as a caregiver, having been one myself when I took care of my mum, and we occasionally chat about it. As for CS, he is a year older than me, and we went through similar undergraduate courses during our uni days. We eventually pursued different careers and he migrated to Australia not long after graduation. But we will always meet up whenever possible, such as during our CNY gatherings.

• Next Generations. There are 4 generations in my aunt’s family. Her great-grandchildren are already in their teens. I belong to the “grand” generation and there is a generation gap between them and I - even with my cousins’ children - but they remain respectful towards me. It’s very heartwarming to have watched them grow, get married, and move through different stages of life. But it also reminds me that I, too, am moving along with age.

I am not sure how many more CNYs my aunt will be around for, given that she is already in her 90s. But I am grateful to have had another chance to see her, to wish her well for the New Year, and to spend time with her extended family. Most importantly, visiting them and joining them for their annual CNY dinner makes me feel very included and reinforces my sense of kinship with them.

Huat ah!

Grateful 25 Feb: Credentials

I successfully renewed my Senior Professional credential today - and I must admit, it came with quite a big sigh of relief. I first earned this credential two years ago, and it will expire end of this year. To renew, I will have to stay engaged with industry practitioners, keep myself updated on developments, and clock enough professional development hours along the way. So I am relieved it’s now done - and that means I can continue my freelancing role as an industry trainer. For that, I am truly grateful. I would like to acknowledge the following that made this possible:

• Professional Industry. I am thankful to be part of an industry that has recognised my contributions. Such recognition was not automatic; it required substantial years of experience and the successful completion of an exam before accreditation was granted. More importantly, I am deeply appreciative of the industry practitioners who have supported, coached and mentored me over the years. As a former public servant who transitioned into the corporate world, being recognised as a Senior Professional is something I do not take for granted. I remain indebted to the many individuals whose paths I have had the privilege of crossing over the past decade and more.

• Training and Professional Networking. At the end of 2023, I made the decision to leave the corporate world to pursue freelance work. I subsequently became an adjunct trainer, specialising in subjects related to my industry. I was given numerous opportunities to train aspiring professionals seeking to enter the field. These engagements sharpened my own expertise - after all, one often learns best when one teaches. I was pleasantly surprised and glad that these training hours are recognised as part of my continuous professional development and will contribute to credential renewal. Similarly, the networking opportunities over the past two years have kept me connected with fellow professionals and enabled me to remain current with industry developments. For all these opportunities, despite having left the corporate world, I am truly grateful.

• Support Structures. Two days ago, I received an email informing me that my credential would expire this year and that a CNY promotion was available to offset a portion of the renewal cost if I complete it within the week. I was glad that I had diligently kept record of all my training and networking hours. It made the document submission easy. I was thankful for the responsiveness and support of the organisation’s team that helped resolve a couple of minor technical issues during the renewal process. 

Today’s successful renewal extends my credential to the end of 2029. More importantly, it represents over 15 years of experience and sustained effort in the industry, the privilege of learning from dedicated practitioners, and the continued opportunities I have been given even after stepping away from the corporate world.

Grateful 24 Feb: Gen AI

I was at the coffee shop this afternoon, drinking my kopi-o-kosong, when I decided to check what this new Fire Horse (丙午) year might mean for me. As a Fire Horse myself, it is considered my ben ming nian (本命年) and thus not the best year. But I also understand that the month, day and time of birth all play a part in shaping the overall outlook. So, naturally, I consulted ChatGPT. And as usual, I was impressed by what it gave me. That simple kopi moment became today’s gratitude reflection - not just for ChatGPT, but more generally for Gen AI. 

~< ••• >~

My use of Gen AI started with ChatGPT about two years ago. Since then, it has grown steadily and expanded to other apps such as DeepSeek, Gemini and Suno, to name a few. So here are my call-outs for today’s gratitude journal.

• ChatGPT. I use it daily - for monitoring my caloric and macronutrient intake, to support my blogging, amongst other things. When I first started, I used it to plan travel itineraries, improve my resume, develop career profiles, seek perspectives on financial planning, or simply to check my English when I blogged: sentence structure, grammar, coherence, flow. I would throw my entire draft in and ask it to “do the necessary”. It would return a nicely polished version - so polished that I had to rewrite major parts of it as it didn’t sound like me. I had since “trained” it, even as I have learned how to better use it. For example, in my last annual reflections, I asked ChatGPT to review a whole year’s worth of entries and suggest a theme and draft write-up. At other times, I would jot down rough bullet points and ask it to propose a structure. But I’m very clear: this is my blog, not ChatGPT’s. I will always review, refine and rewrite the writings to ensure it captures exactly what I want to say - and to say it in my voice. Sometimes the process is iterative - draft, refine, rethink, refine again - until I am certain the words are fully mine. My end-of-2025 entry, for example, took almost one and a half months to craft. The final version is totally different from what ChatGPT had proposed. Still, I am thankful - for the perspectives, the convenience and the support it brings to me these 2 years.

• DeepSeek. I started using it early last year, around the CNY period when it was first launched. Initially, it was simply an alternative to ChatGPT. Over time, however, I noticed its distinct analytical tone and subtle differences in perspectives. It may be too simplistic to say one feels “Chinese” and the other “Western”, but there are nuanced cultural differences in how they respond. These days, I log my daily food intake, blood pressure and resting heart rate into both DeepSeek and ChatGPT, using them to cross-check each others’ analysis and recommendations. Their responses are not identical - and that, in itself, is useful. In the end, I decide what works best for me. AI, to me, is a tool - helpful, but not authoritative. And I am thankful for the additional lens it provides.

• Other Gen AI apps. Beyond ChatGPT and DeepSeek, I also use others such as Gemini, Suno, Leo (previously Leonardo), Copilot, Taskade, Meta AI, as well as AI-enhanced platforms like Canva and Google. Each has its strengths. Gemini, with its Nano Banana, helps best enhancing old photos and creating images (like the one above); Leo allows me to create images and short videos; Suno lets me compose songs just for fun. They offer convenience at my fingertips - for creativity, productivity or simple curiosity. I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn and experiment with these apps in this season of my life.

My understanding of Gen AI is still basic. There is much more to explore and to learn. But I am clear that these tools are here to support me, not replace me - and I remain responsible for how I use them and what I publish. 

~< ••• >~

And as for what ChatGPT told me about this Fire Horse year - after considering my birth month, day and time - it will not be a bad one for me. It will, however, be an intense and defining one. I must not, however, mistake intensity for misfortune. I must see it as a year of consolidation. A year to stabilise my new identity - choose meaningful engagements and a slower, intentional life, without needing to prove anything to anyone. It will be a year where I get to consciously choose who I want to be next. That, to me, is power - not bad luck.

Grateful 23 Feb: Convenience

Today, I give thanks for the many conveniences I enjoy in my daily life. Here are my three call outs for today:

• Amenities. I live in a condominium about 1.5 km from the nearest HDB amenities - coffee shops, a shopping centre, convenience stores, and so on. To some, this may seem far. For me, it is perfectly balanced: near yet far, far yet near. Let me explain. The amenities are located at a comfortable distance - far enough that I am spared the bustle and occasional rowdiness, thereby allowing me to enjoy peace and quiet at home. Yet they are near enough for me to walk there in about 15 mins. That short walk gives me the added benefit of exercise - something that I do daily. I am grateful for this balance between convenience and peace.

• Public Transport. When I bought my place 30 years ago, many felt it’s too ulu and public transport and amenities were inadequate. But that was precisely what appealed to me - the peace. I drive, so it doesn't matter, I thought. Since then, the area has transformed significantly. A housing estate has been built nearby, along with a uni and a biz park; and public transport has improved greatly. Yet the peace has largely been preserved, as main amenities remain a short but manageable distance away. I enjoy the convenience yet without the noise. There is now a bus stop and an MRT station within a 5 min walk from my home. Best of all, the MRT line is underground. In Singapore, the vision is for residents to have access to an MRT station within 500m of their homes, and I am grateful to the urban planners for this thoughtful consideration. I have since sold off my car.

• Giving Feedback. I am thankful for the OneService app that allows us to report municipal issues easily. It channels feedback to the appropriate agency for follow-up action and is suberbly easy to use. Of course, the app is only as effective as the people managing it - and I must say the authorities are truly on the ball. Yesterday, during my afternoon walk, I noticed an unusual sight: a Chinese tombstone leaning against a roadside tree. It appeared abandoned. I used the app to take a couple of photos and submitted a report. This morning, I received a notification from NEA (the National Environment Agency) that the tombstone had been removed. They even sent a photograph showing it being removed last night (or early this morning). I was impressed by their efficiency and grateful that providing feedback is so seamless.

Much has changed over the 3 decades I have lived in this area. Transport links and amenities have improved tremendously, yet I still enjoy peace and quiet at home. For this balance - convenience without compromise - I am deeply thankful. I cannot ask for more.

Grateful 22 Feb: Multicultural Food

Today, I want to give thanks to something I believe many in Singapore take for granted: food. I was looking in my fridge and noticed some Chinese New Year leftovers, dishes my sister brought over, and more. Reflecting on it, I realized how much I’ve had the privilege of enjoying a variety of multicultural flavours - yet often without truly appreciating them. So, let me highlight a few.

• Malay. I had chicken rendang for dinner today. Though originally a Malay dish, many non-Malays have learned to cook it, giving rise to Indian-style and Chinese-style rendang, each adapted to the respective culture taste-buds. My aunt had cooked and packed it for me during the CNY reunion, and I kept it in my fridge to enjoy during the CNY period when many shops were closed. Over the past few days, I had a piece or two, and today I decided to stew it further with some prawns. It was such a lovely dish - rich, fragrant, and infused with the aromatics of the rempah. I am grateful for this treat from my aunt.

• Peranakan. My sister made Nonya ngoh hiang (meat rolls comprising minced pork or chicken and prawns) for CNY. This is her speciality, which she makes every year before CNY, and she packed 10 rolls for me as usual. I used some to host friends over the last week. I still have 2 rolls and had 1 for dinner. Like rendang, different families have slightly different recipes, but I especially enjoy my sister’s version because it closely resembles my mum’s. It's so nostalgic. To add to the list, I made pengat kacang (green bean soup with sago and gula melaka) today for friends visiting me to bai nian (CNY visitation). This is one of my favourite desserts that I used to cook for mum when she was alive. I’m glad I have the chance to cook it today. My mum, being Peranakan (Straits-born Chinese), had a strong influence on our upbringing, and being able to savour Peranakan food during CNY is something I am thankful for.

• Chinese. I had cheng tng as for dessert after dinner. My sis made it and brought some over a couple of days back. Cheng tng is a Chinese dessert commonly sold in hawker centres across the island. It can be consumed warm or chilled. It is a sweet, refreshing longan-based soup filled with a colourful mix of ingredients - dried longans, lotus seeds, gingko nuts, white fungus, barley, and more. This is also a dessert I used to make for friends and for my ex whenever he craved for it. I hardly make it these days. It doesn't make too much sense to cook these days as I live alone.

The above are just some of the “usual, normal” food I had today, most of which were kept in my fridge. There are also Western dishes, such as chicken potpie. All of this food reflects the multicultural environment I live in and I am grateful to be part of.

Grateful 21 Feb: Social Media

I’ve been on social media since the late-1990s. It started with gay community sites like Fridae.com and SgBoy (later Trevvy). Then came Facebook, Tumblr, Grindr, Hornet, Scruff, Jack’d, Romeo, Blued, Twitter (now X)… and probably a few I’ve forgotten along the way. I have left most of them. The one that has truly grown with me and survived the test of time is Blogger. So today, I’m giving thanks to the following: 

• Social Media (in general). It has become an integral part of my life. I use it for entertainment, pleasure, information, and of cos, connect with people beyond my usual circle - sometimes actively, and sometimes quietly "stalking" them and observing them from afar. I note the endless debate about the pros and cons of using social media, the dangers and all. But to me, social media is just a tool. What we get out of it depends on how we use it (and how much drama we’re willing to tolerate). We can always remove ourselves from it - just like how I deleted my Facebook profile or hide my X app when I found myself too attached to it. On the whole, for me, the positives of using social media outweighed the negatives. I’ve learnt, connected, laughed, cried, occasionally rolled my eyes and, not to mention, grown. So yes, I give thanks for it.

• Blogspot/ Blogger. I’ve been on Blogspot/ Blogger since the early 2000s. It’s a space to capture my life's moments - the highs, the lows, the breakthroughs, the heartbreaks and all. Journaling these moments helped me process my emotions, reflect, and make sense of my experiences. Blogger also allowed me to record my past and my heritage - the personal and cultural layers that shape who I am. I would even go as far as to say that Blogger allows me to share thoughts that I would not have shared so openly in real life. Now, when I revisit old posts, I am able to see how much I’ve come through my experiences, how much I’ve grown, and how judgmental I had been at times. It gives me a sense of my own evolution over the last 2 decades. I’m thankful this space has been with me through the years. It’s little archive of myself and I’ll probably continue for as long as Blogger is around. 

• Blogger Friends. And then there are the people. They add another layer of meaning to my blogging experiences. There are readers who quietly read my blogs and there are those who occasionally share their thoughts - just like how I would read and contribute to their blogs and keep up with their lives. I appreciate all their comments and sharing. Amongst my blog readers, some have, over time, become real-life friends, just like the few whom I will meet up whenever I visit KL. Similarly, I have hosted a couple of blogger friends who visited Singapore. Blogging has certainly widened my world beyond geography, routine, and circumstance. And for the connections I’ve made through blogging, thank you.

So yes - Thank you, social media. Thank you, Blogspot/ Blogger. And thank you my blogger friends if you have shared even a little bit of this journey with me, whether loudly or quietly. It’s been a good ride. 

Grateful 20 Feb: City in a Garden

I have gained back all the weight I lost over the last 5 months over the past 2 weeks - an outcome of all the feasting and fat-rich CNY food! So I decided to head out again for my walk along my usual route - from the housing estate into the Changi Business Park (CBP). Along the way, I saw several interesting sights - wild animals - and it reminded me how lucky I am to live so close to nature, even though I am in an urbanised environment. So today, I give thanks for these reminders:

• Nature. I live next to CBP where a large part is a solar farm and lined with lush greenery. It is also located next to a golf course. With such abundance of greenery, gay men have made it a cruising haunt since the early 2000s. But that’s not why I am writing this post. Rather, the place has attracted many animals. Animals commonly found here include various bird species including the sunbird, spotted dove, pink pigeon, bulbul, drongo, Asian koel, black nape oriole, kingfisher and kite, reptiles such as the monitor lizard, calotes, tortoise, various species of snakes, etc. As a nature lover, I am truly thankful to have this park so near me. 

• Asian Openbill. I saw this eye-catching bird while walking along the fringe of the golf course. I was surprised to see it as it is not a familiar sight locally. I was to learn that it is not endemic to Singapore but a migratory bird that is seen only during the northern winter period. And it was the first time I see an Asian Openbill and at such close range. It moved a few steps away when it saw me approaching. I froze and it stopped moving, but it remained wary of my presence. I snapped a couple of photos and videos before walking on and leaving it in peace. I am grateful to have been able to see this migratory bird up close.

• Wild Chickens. I was pleasantly surprised to see a family of 7 - 8 wild chickens at CBP. A few months back, there was only one! It has certainly multiplied quickly, probably due to the lack of natural predators, and I certainly welcome the sight. It certainly make the place a lot livelier and interesting. Wild chickens, while common decades ago, had almost disappeared for unknown reasons but reappeared during the COVID lockdown period. Since then, they have spread across the island, and we now see them in many places!

I am thankful for the chance to connect with nature even while walking through an industrial/ business park. It was such a pleasant experience. Years ago, we began with the “Clean and Green” Singapore campaign to soften the hard buildings that were being constructed at a rapid rate. This evolved into the “Garden City” vision, where flowering plants were introduced, and in recent years, the vision has been refreshed to “City in a Garden”. As a nature lover, I am blessed to be living in this city-state.

Grateful 19 Feb: Shelters

We were blessed with plenty of “good luck” from the heavens today - yes, it rained heavily for most of the day. Despite the rain, I was able to go about my daily walks and afternoon breaks, without needing to bring my umbrella, and still stay relatively dry. I, therefore, give thanks for the following:

• Rain. I am grateful for the rain - not just because it symbolises good luck - but also because it cools everything down. It has rained quite a lot over the past few days, and with it, the temperature has dropped from 30s to low-20s. It feels really pleasant and such a contrast to the hot, scorching weather we experienced through most of Jan and early-Feb. And as I enjoy rain, I was all tempted to head out for a walk in it but decided against it in the end as I want to minimize the chance of falling sick. 

• Sheltered Walkways & Underpasses. Despite the heavy rain, I was able to walk almost 8 km without getting wet, thanks to public sheltered walkways and underpasses. Of course, there were small stretches - perhaps 10 metres or so, such as when crossing minor roads - that I still had to manage, but these were minor inconveniences. I believe Singapore is one of the few, if not the only, city state in the world with such extensive public sheltered walkways, so much so that they have almost eliminated the need for umbrellas, and for this, I am thankful.

• Last Stretch Umbrellas. The public sheltered walkways link directly to my condominium rear gate. To reach my block, there is a final 80m of unsheltered path. For residents’ convenience, the condo management has installed umbrellas from the gate to the various blocks. Such a seamless arrangement is deeply appreciated by residents, judging by how well utilised the umbrellas are. I thank the condo management for this arrangement.

For all of the above, I am grateful. In the past, whenever it rained, many of us would simply stay home to avoid the hassle of carrying umbrellas or getting wet. But with these thoughtful provisions, I am no longer confined indoors. Life carries on as normal, rain or shine.

Grateful 18 Feb: CNY Connections (2)

Today is CNY Day 2, and like yesterday, I want to give thanks for connections - this time in a more direct way. I am grateful for the following: 

• Friends. I give thanks for friends I met today: PY, whom I had breakfast with; M, my buddy, who came over in the afternoon; and JL, who visited me in the evening. Each of them has, in their own way, brought much meaning into my life, and I am thankful for the chance to reconnect. Breakfast with PY was a lovely catch-up. She was my colleague in my last job, and we used to have lunch together regularly. After I left the corporate world, we stayed in contact, and she was one of the first to volunteer as my coachee when I needed hours for my coaching credential. Through those sessions, I came to know her better, and over time, we became friends. I will not go into detail about M, as I have written about him quite a bit recently. As for JL, she is an ex-neighbour from my parents’ place. In fact, I consider her a family friend, having known her for over 40 years. She dropped by today with my sister and brother-in-law, and it was especially nice to see her again after such a long time. 

• Second Sister, Brother-in-law & JL. I am grateful to my second sister and brother-in-law for dropping by with dinner and yusheng. They brought JL along, as she had visited them earlier. It was a warm and meaningful visit, especially in the CNY context. We spent a good amount of time reminiscing about the past. 

• Lou Hei (Yusheng). I am thankful for the chance to toss yusheng with people close to me. This was my second lou hei of the year, and instead of raw fish, my sister used abalone and jellyfish. It was thoughtfully assembled, and I am so very full now. Although yusheng is largely made up of shredded vegetables and pickles, it is not exactly healthy. It comes with sweet sauces, ground nuts, sesame seeds, and other ingredients, making it both calorie and sodium rich. But what the heck right? This is a once-a-year affair and who better to lou the yusheng with than family and close friends? 

It was a good and meaningful day, connecting with people who matter to me. With today, the two-day CNY public holiday comes to an end. Nonetheless, visitations will continue for many over the next two weeks or so. So yeah, it is back to routine.

Gardening & I

I have loved nature since I was young. 

Over time, this interest gradually shifted towards plants and gardening. I enjoy the nurturing process and the satisfaction of watching living things grow. My earliest memory of gardening was when I was about 6 or 7, living in a kampong in Paya Lebar. One particular plant that left a deep impression on me was the “9 o’clock flower”. My landlord explained that it bloomed at 9 o’clock in the morning, and that was how it got its name. Much later, I learned that it is called Portulaca spp. Those were the days when my neighbours would harvest jambu, rambutan, mangoes and other fruits from trees, then eat them marinated in dark sauce, sugar and chilli. Around that time, I planted a mango seed next to the kitchen. I watched it sprout and slowly grow into a sapling. To a small kid, it was a huge achievement. When we eventually moved, I had to leave it behind. That was the first plant I ever grew. 

We moved to Marine Terrace when I was in Primary 2. During science class, I remembered germinating bean sprouts from green beans. Watching the roots emerge was most fascinating. That was also when I began growing plants in pots at home. My regular walk from school was 3 to 4 kilometres, and along the way I often passed abandoned houses where wild epiphytic orchids grew. I would pick them and bring them home, many did not survive. Orchids needed special care, and as an amateur, my gardening knowledge was still very basic. During my teenage years, I kept many different types of plants - most of which I did not even know the names of, and many of which my sister brought home from school. I watered them conscientiously every day. Some died, but others bloomed, and I began propagating them even before I formally learned how to do so. I remember growing money plant (Scindapsus aureus), dumb cane (Dieffenbachia variegata), and many others, repotting them over time as they multiplied. 

I later pursued a degree in biological sciences and graduated with a botany honours degree. I thoroughly enjoyed my biology lessons. I learned about plant physiology, anatomy, wayside trees and commercial botany and so on. My honours year project, in particular, was meaningful. I spent a lot of time in the secondary forests around Singapore studying how plants interact with fauna, soil and their surrounding ecosystems. I did not continue in this field professionally as I had to return to the army to serve my bond but my relationship with plants never ended. As an officer commanding, I made a special effort to bring back plants from training areas, where abandoned houses and gardens were common. My company line ended with lots of beautiful flowering plants such as orchids, bougainvillea, etc. It was really heartening to see how my soldiers, despite their tough exteriors, tending to the garden with extra care. 

Today, gardening remains a cherished hobby. I keep several potted plants on my balcony and take pleasure in looking after them. I would feel bad discarding them, as they have become companions of sorts. Yet, I do not need to own plants to appreciate them. I find the same joy in seeing them along the roadside, while hiking in the forest, or walking through nature reserves.

Grateful 17 Feb: CNY Connections (1)

Today is CNY, and it poured like nobody’s business! Given the recent hot spell, today's rain was such a blessing, but it also meant negotiating rainy weather for my visits. Still it was a good CNY Day 1. So on this day, I give thanks to the following:

• Connecting to my Heritage: Traditions. CNY is a powerful reminder of what it means for me to be Chinese. The rituals we practise - mandarin oranges, auspicious couplets, everything in red, red packets, red banners, well-wishes, the Chinese zodiac - are not just festive customs. They are living expressions of a culture that has shaped how I see family, relationships, and myself. Beyond these visible symbols lie deeper values of order, kinship, and bonds. I use the word “order” in a very Confucian sense - an understanding of where we stand in relation to one another, and how respect is expressed through our words and actions. These traditions connect me to my past and they gave me a deep sense of rootedness. In honouring them, I am not merely celebrating a festival; I am reaffirming my place in my Chinese heritage and in my own sense of “Chineseness”.

• Connecting to Others: Visitations. CNY Day 1 has always been reserved for visiting seniors in the family, with later days set aside for more junior relatives, friends and reciprocal visits. This, apart from hierarchy, also recognises and honour relationships that have shaped me. Through these visitations, family ties are renewed and affirmed meaningfully. Although I usually do not visit friends during CNY, today was an exception. I visited a friend who is battling oesophageal cancer. Giving him the Day 1 “privilege” felt important - because he is older than me, because this may be his last CNY, and because he is unable to visit his relatives and friends as he is still observing his 1-year mourning period for his late mother. I am deeply thankful that he allowed me to visit, as not many people would accept visitors during such a time.

• Connecting to Self: Rest. Because of the heavy rain, the absence of uncles, and the fact that I had already visited my aunt yesterday, today turned into a superbly restful day. I could not clean the house (lest I sweep away good luck), I did not need to cook (thanks to leftovers from CNY reunion dinner), and my only visitation was late in the afternoon. I spent a large part of the day using AI to restore old black-and-white family photos, colourising them, and sharing them with my cousins and sisters. I was initially worried that they might find my "spamming" of their WhatsApp bothersome but their positive responses surprised me. One of them even asked me for "more more more"! Grateful that I could bring some joy to them on this auspicious day. Although unplanned, I found connection not through visits, but through memory, shared history, and affection.  

CNY Day 1 went by quickly. Tomorrow is CNY Day 2 and my sis will visit me tomorrow, after which I will return the visit and drop by her place for dinner. It will also be a small get together with an old neighbour. I look forward to it.

Grateful - 16 Feb: Family

Today is CNY eve and it’s a day where families gather for reunion dinners and where bonds are remembered and strengthened. Let me then give thanks to “Family”, from a gay person’s perspective - my perspective:

• Immediate Family: The term “immediate family” used to include my partner and my siblings, not so much their kids. Now, it’s just my siblings. My relationships with them have been uneven (for eg, I am not on talking terms with my brother). Despite this, I am thankful for their presence in my life. My interactions with my eldest sister and brother-in-law these days occur far and few between, but the warmth and sense of siblingship are felt in her messages during festive seasons and important days, such as birthdays. For my second sister and her husband, I am grateful for their support when I needed it and for the frequent visits - bringing food or simply checking in to see how I’m managing.

• Extended Family: I am grateful to my extended family. They include relative from both my maternal and paternal sides. I am closer to my paternal side and meet up with my aunts more often - perhaps due to my traditional upbringing. Interacting with them reminds me of my heritage and gives me a sense of rootedness and identity. Similar to previous years, I joined my aunt and her family for their Chinese New Year reunion dinner. She always makes it a point to invite me over and fuss over what to cook. I felt a little bad about imposing, but my cousin assured me that my presence has always been the highlight for her. I’m glad I could bring her some joy today, and I also look forward to joining my other aunt for their family get-together next week.

• Non-blood-related Family: As a gay person, non-blood-related family is a major part of my life, and I am grateful for the support they give. I am referring to my close friends, who fill the vacuum created by the absence of a “traditional” family. These friends play an increasingly important part in my life, especially as members of my parents’ generation dwindle and the extended family disperses. I am thankful to them for their care and concern - checking in on me frequently, visiting, or quietly keeping up with me on social media, sending messages like, “You hardly post anything anymore, everything okay?” “How come you lost so much weight? Hope you are well!” or, “I may not text often but you’re in my thoughts,” or, “Please don’t hesitate to reach out anytime you need, okay?” etc.

I am grateful to my 3 families above. Our interactions is manifested and expressed in mutual respect, encouragement, care, concern and support. That is how we love each other, although the word “love” was hardly ever articulated. Happy Chinese New Year Eve and may everyone continue to celebrate the bonds you have with your families!

Picture shows the CNY must-haves in my home: mandarin oranges, leek, niangao (年糕).

What Would You Change…

“Share one thing you would change if you were to relive your life again…” I’ve often come across this question in social media and tbh, have been asked a couple of times in my life. Last time, I would probably say things like - choose a different career, be a doctor, etc. These days, I’ll simply say: Nothing. 

Perhaps it’s a sign of maturity and perhaps a reflection of my focus on what I can control vs what I cannot control. I am what I am today due to my life’s journey, the experiences it had provided, positive or otherwise; and I have learned much from them. I am thankful for all that and I do not wish for a different past. What’s past cannot be undone and wishing for a different past suggests regrets. What I think most important now is to ask myself: what do I want for my future self and what can I do to realize it. This is more generative and pushes me to think and do things more purposefully. Today is tomorrow’s past - so I want today to be contributing to tomorrow’s success, not regrets.

I am reminded of this cos during the career fair, someone came up to me and asked “what would you tell your 30 year old self.” It’s a question that I have not even thought about. Still, I went with the flow and said things that I thought the fair organisers would want to hear - operating environment changes very fast, digitalisation, gen AI, important to learn unlearn relearn, be relevant, be open, explore… etc. you get the drift.

Yup… a tad random but this thought arose as just I had my breakfast and I thought it is nice to capture it here. Happy Chinese New Year Eve!

Grateful - 15 Feb: Togetherness

Just need to buy my mandarin oranges and I will complete my CNY shopping. And I can see my neighbours busy doing the same! So today I give thanks to:

• Neighbours. On my way out to get my CNY stuff, I met my 4th floor neighbour, M. She’s a chatty person and never fails to have a chat whenever we chance upon each other. Admittedly, I did find her a bit nosy initially, but over time I’ve accepted her as she is. And today, as we chatted, another neighbour from the 8th floor, Mr & Mrs K, walked by. They had arranged to head to the CNY bazaar for their CNY shopping! M asked if I wanted to join them, but Mrs K said, “I don’t think he wants la. He needs to head to the coffee shop for his coffee…” It’s a simple remark, but it tells me people notice, and people remember. Quite a warm feeling, I must say.

• Community. During major festivals, the sense of community feels very strong. And certainly, during CNY, the sense of community amongst Chinese Singaporeans is accentuated. In this regard, I’m grateful for the efforts over the last 4 decades to bring all dialect groups together. Today, we are all Chinese Singaporeans. It doesn’t matter if we are Hokkien (or its many sub-variants), Teochew, Hakka, Cantonese, Hockchew, Henghua, etc… we all speak Chinese and we celebrate CNY similarly. This contrasts with Singapore a century ago, when Chinese of different dialect groups fought each other…

• Country. There’s a certain feeling of warmth and inclusivity I get whenever we celebrate major festivals, be it CNY, Hari Raya, Deepavali, or even Christmas! The mood is highly energising and, in a huge way, brings people together. We don’t really just celebrate as a community, we celebrate as a country! So we have strangers walking by and wishing each other Happy Chinese New Year, or Selamat Hari Raya, or Happy Deepavali - whatever the festival may be to celebrants. It’s so nice to be living in Singapore, where people celebrate each other, regardless of race, language, or religion. I am thankful to be born here. I am blessed.

Tomorrow is CNY eve. And we count down to CNY, I give thanks to Singapore that celebrates multiculturalism, the community I live in, and my neighbours. 

Grateful - 14 Feb: Love

Today is Valentine’s Day. And as it’s just a couple of days before CNY, celebrations aren’t very obvious from what I’ve seen. Still, it’s a day to celebrate love - and more broadly, friendships. And here’s my grateful list today:

• Valentine’s Day. I’m thankful there’s a day to celebrate love. When I was younger, Valentine’s Day was mostly about lovers. And if you got invited to dinner, it would basically be a “do you want to be my special half?” moment. It’s nice to see it becoming more inclusive now - friends can celebrate too. Having said that, VD dinners are totally overpriced, mass-produced, and honestly not worth it. Agree?

• Friends. I am thankful for friends, past and present. As a gay person, friends are probably the closest thing next to family. They may come and go, but for as long as they are around, they provide us with the support we need. Today, I received a couple of Happy Valentines messages from friends. While it is not expected, it still warms my heart to know and there are friends who make a point to send VD wishes. And last night, my buddy came over and brought chocolates too. So sweet right?

• Exes. It’s highly unintuitive to hear of one to give thanks to exes but I thought it’s important to give thanks when it’s due. For all the good and bad, my 3 exes that were with me through my last 3 decades made me what I am today. They showed me I am fully capable to love and my desire to be loved. I’ve been single since April 2024. It’s been an interesting 2 years and I’ve learned further about myself. By giving thanks for my exes, it simply reflect a simple truth - that I’m comfortable and confident with what I am now: a single person enjoying my present moments and keeping my options open.

And it just struck me that we only have 2 more days to go before CNY! Omg! I better not forget to get some important CNY stuff tomorrow - mandarin oranges, leek, nian gao, etc! I wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Learnings: AI

I went to a career fair over the past two days. 

The theme centered around building an AI-capable workforce. Apart from career booths, there were lots of talks about AI, its applications, and its impact on us. I attended a few - super interesting. I’ve been using an assortment of different Gen AI apps thus far but still, the presentations reminded me how little I actually know! AI is definitely here to stay, so we need to figure out how to work with it. I need to amp up my learnings and usage of AI!

Feeling thankful for the learnings and excited about what’s ahead!

Grateful - 13 Feb: Body

I’m not sure if this is a Singapore senior citizen thing or a universal one - people sending “Good Morning” messages and pictures to every contact in their phone. I’m in several chat groups and wake up to a flood of them daily. Most mornings, I delete them without even looking. But today, when my buddy sent me the above, I paused and appreciated it. So in today’s gratitude journal, I’m giving thanks to things that happen so naturally, until they don’t.

• Breathing. No explanation seems necessary. It is so automatic that we rarely notice it - until it becomes difficult. In 2017/ 2018, I found myself gasping for air frequently. My lungs always felt half full and I couldn’t take a deep breath. I felt like a fish out of water. Once, while holidaying in Japan, I blacked out. That eventually led to the discovery of a blocked artery. I underwent an angioplasty and had a stent inserted. Since then, breathing has returned to being what it should be - effortless. For that, I am deeply thankful.

• Drinking. We also take for granted the simple act of swallowing - of fluids aka drinking; of solids aka eating. Let me focus on drinking here. Drinking and ensuring fluids do not “go down the wrong hole” is something most of us never think about. My mum struggled with this in her final years. When she choked, it was scary - violent coughing that sometimes led to bronchitis. I would remind her gently to tuck her chin down before swallowing. Either I or my domestic helper had to supervise her whenever she drank, water or soup. It was exhausting for her, and sobering for me to witness.

• Eating. Here, I will reflect on swallowing of solids: Eating. Eating sustains us and often, brings us joy. Yet recently, I was reminded how fragile that ability can be. My friend with oesophageal cancer can no longer swallow properly. When we met two days ago, he could only sip small amounts of soup while watching D and I eat. It was a quiet, humbling moment.

So today, I give thanks for my ability to breathe, drink, and eat - simple acts that nourishes the body. Caring for my mum taught me that, in the end, much of life comes down to these basics. Breathing. Drinking. Eating. And also, excreting: sweating, peeing, shitting. Strip everything away, and it really is that simple. For being able to do these ordinary things smoothly today, I am grateful.

Sapphie

 This is Sapphie, my dog. 

It’s coming to 10 years since she left. 

The recent haze reminds me of her and this pic.

She has such gentle eyes!

Grateful - 12 Feb: Reflections & Self

A uni classmate visited me and it’s probably the main highlight of my gratitude journal today. But there are two other things I would also like to acknowledge. Here goes:

• LK. I am grateful for her and for the friendship we share. We have known each other since our uni days and have journeyed through many ups and downs over the past 3 to 4 decades. She was one of the first people I came out to in the mid-90s. She is now navigating the final phase of her corporate life, and we have had many conversations about this transition. Two weeks ago, she called to ask if she could visit today. She arrived with dinner, and we spent the evening catching up - talking about work, life, and all. It was simple, unhurried, and deeply comforting.

• Reflections. It may sound strange to say I am grateful for my own reflections, but taking deliberate time to think has helped me uncover blind spots, learn about myself, and see situations more objectively. Through journaling - especially writing about what I am grateful for - I have become aware of how much I'd focus on the negatives. This practice made me reframed and shifted my attention to what truly matters. It grounds me in gratitude and reminds me to be more compassionate towards myself.

• Self-identity. How often do we take our heritage for granted? For most of my life, mine simply was - unquestioned and unexamined. But as I grow older, I find myself paying more attention to my roots. Today, as I blogged about "CNY and I", I saw more clearly the uniqueness of my heritage and how much I had taken it for granted. Blogging, once again, helped me understand myself better - and in this case, reaffirm my identity as a Singaporean Chinese. I am grateful for that reminder.

It was a simple day, but a rich and reflective one.

CNY & I (a Singaporean Chinese)

It is less than a week to Chinese New Year, and the rush has begun. When I was at Bedok Mall earlier, the supermarket was crowded despite it being a working weekday. People were stocking up for reunion dinners and CNY visits. I am sure some families will have their reunion dinners early before flying off for a holiday this weekend. Heading overseas during public holidays is a very Singaporean instinct. But CNY always brings us back to the table. For my family, our dining table tells a story.

My late mother is Straits-born - Peranakan - and food is serious business for nonyas. My paternal side traces its roots to Fujian, rich in Hokkien traditions. Growing up, I never saw these as two distinct inheritances, they simply coexisted. During CNY, our dining table is filled with Peranakan dishes such as chap chai, babi pongteh, and curry chicken; and they sit comfortably beside Hokkien dishes that carry strong symbolism. We will definitely have the humble leek (picture above from 2024 CNY), or "sng" in Hokkien. “Sng” sounds like “count”, and thus eating "sng" is a must so that we will have money to count in the coming year. Such details are never treated lightly - they carry hope.

And in my adult years, there is the yusheng. The name itself, carry auspicious meanings of "excess" and "greater heights". We stand around the table, chopsticks raised, calling out auspicious phrases as we toss the raw fish and shredded vegetables. Yusheng was invented in Singapore and is distinctly us. It is now an indispensable CNY dish locally. I see similar unions of heritages at reunion tables of relatives and friends. Some more distinct such as in my case, my mother’s Straits-born roots, and my father’s direct connection to Fujian; and some less, such as when their parents hail from different provinces in China.

My siblings and I inherit both - not preserving them unchanged, but living them in our own way. Each of us has picked up different dishes from mum, and over time we have added new ones that we learned along the way. Around the table, languages flow between English, dialect and Mandarin. Some rituals are observed carefully; others are adapted to fit modern times. We may travel. We may send greetings over WhatsApp. But when we gather, we honour both where we came from and where we are rooted now. Most importantly, we celebrate culture, traditions, and family bonds.

Perhaps that is what it means to be a Singaporean Chinese - not a fixed identity tied to a single homeland, but something layered, lived and evolving. We celebrate our Chineseness in symbolism, in food, in reunion - yet it is unmistakably shaped by the Singapore context. Each year, as we sit before plates of chap chai and leek, as we toss yusheng and shout blessings into the air, we are not just welcoming a new year. We are continuing a story - and shaping it into something distinctly our own.

Grateful - 11 Feb: Daily Blessings

Today’s post might sound a tad personal, but they are still things I feel grateful for. Here are my 3 call-outs:

• Underwear. I recently bought a pair of underwear and it arrived today. I really like the fit - it holds everything up really well. Feels pretty sexy wearing it. So… yeah, I’m thankful for this very intimate piece of underwear!

• Buddy. I’ve recently started using the term “buddy” on a friend of mine. You know… heh… I’ve blogged about him before, but this is probably the first time I’m calling him my “buddy”. He didn’t text me for two days and I got a little worried and texted him. I was thankful when he replied and said he was simply busy and all’s well. We ended by saying we missed each other. So sweet, right?

• Red banner. I decided to visit the temple to give thanks for the year and to pray for smooth sailing and good health in the new year. While on the train, it suddenly hit me that I hadn’t kept track of the date to hang the red banner. After checking, I realised that today was the deadline! I was so grateful for that sudden realization - I would have missed it otherwise. I hurried home, finished washing the kitchen, and once that was done, I could officially kick off the “Little New Year” by putting up the red banner on my door. Let the CNY celebrations begin!

Two of the entries are a little personal in nature right? Heh… It’s less than a week to CNY!

Grateful - 10 Feb: Simple Joys

Woke up feeling a little tired, dehydrated yet bloated from last night’s dinner and decided to take things a bit slower today. It was nice to end the day feeling rested, and energized. With this, let me give thanks to the following:

• People watch. I took my usual coffee break at the coffee shop this afternoon and instead of rushing through my coffee (which I usually do so I could proceed with my afternoon walk), I decided to just sit and observe the world pass by. It turned out to be a rather pleasant experience: watching a rather unkempt uncle sang along as he blasted a speaker with a weird mix of songs - English, Chinese, Hokkien, etc, office workers rushing through their lunch, retirees wilding their time away… and oh, I was singing away in my head to the songs as I drank my coffee too!

• Gardening. I maintain a collection of plants at my balcony and I decided to marcot my ficus plant after lunch. It has grown too big and I thought it is time to create new plants out of it. Doing so will also allow me to downsize it significantly once the new plants take root. Gardening has always been a therapeutic pastime for me and today’s experience is no different. It was a lovely afternoon!

• Visit by B. I am thankful to B for visiting me. He had gone back to his home country last week and decided to dropped by my place with dinner and some stuff from home. I appreciate his gestures and we had a nice chat. Have known him since last year and while he has his quirks that can some time irritate the hell out of me, he is, overall a very nice person. Grateful for his warm gestures.

So yeah, it was a slow day and I ended it feeling energized after attending an online workshop in the evening.