normal?

as per routine, i called mum during lunchtime yesterday. i had half-expected her to hang up on me but she didn't. nonetheless, she didn't sound too enthusiastic and her voice was hoarse. i did some small talk and hang up shortly.

i came home from work and she seemed totally normal. the evening went on fine as i brought her along for my chiropractic treatment and then bought her a good dinner at putien.

and we returned home, watched tv and i gave her her meds. and then she asked "you going for run right?". i said yes and asked her if she's ok with it... and she replied "you wanna go run, you go, take as long as you want and i won't stop you..."

hmmm, ok, she's still not out of it. this morning, i adjusted her meds dosage, specifically i increased her quetiapine dosage. and on top of it, gave her prednisolone and cough mixture for her breathlessness and cough respectively. hopefully, this will help her.

repeat attack

mum's paranoia has started again. i have observed her throwing away food that i gave her over several occasions in the past few weeks but decided to leave things as it was. i thought it was mild and manageable since she did not show any outward signs of hostilities towards me. and yesterday, i got my confirmation when things got a bit out of hand.

you see, for the pass few days, her behaviour has increasingly gotten more and more weird. other than throwing away things, she started looking at me suspiciously in the evenings when i head out for my exercises. and on saturday, when sis came to pick her up for dinner (i had arranged a birthday celebration dinner with my uni friends) she told my second sis that i have gotten acquainted with a lady who supposedly had cheated my (late) dad of his money and that i have gone out to meet her every evenings. she believes we are planning to harm her. i came to know of this when my sis shared with me what my mum told her.

yesterday was my niece's 3rd birthday celebrations and just before we headed to my brother's place, she asked if i had taken back the house key from bee. it was kinda out of the blue. but connecting the dots, i knew something must be in her mind and told her i had. i added that she should stop her suspicions about bee. she didn't take my response well and started being defensive about why she asked. things eventually spiraled to her accusing me of not being happy with her and if that was so, she should just leave the house... and after that she refused to talk to me, pout and pulled a long face through the day. and by evening when all the celebrations was done, she refused to come home with me. and to make things worst, she got anxious and her breathlessness kicked in. it took us a long while and after my brother raising his voice that she grudgingly followed me home.

she is now throwing tantrums and going through emotional swings again.

gotta see how manage her these few days.

will have to adjust her meds again.

mid-life realities

too many things in my mind this morning and just want to write things down. my thoughts are incoherent as it is, but i just need to pen things down. i am at the point in life where i have to face up to certain realities. and amidst these realities, i have to make specific choices, choices that would balance my current realities yet might impact my future.  here's some of these... 

• i know there are things that i need to simply know and just leave them alone and not be too bothered by them. yet i know that if i do not bother about them, i will end up picking the shit. and that would impact my abilities to live normally. and so, i have to many a times make conscious choice to sacrifice my quality of life in order to preserve my quality of life. sounds contradicting? well, take for example, i have to many a times sacrifice my abilities to go out with friends and/ or do what i want and spend time with mum cos i know for a fact that if i leave her alone over a prolonged period, i might end up with her going mental and i have to pick up the pieces and manage her emotional swings/ tantrums. and when that happens, my sanity would be badly affected.

• i have made conscious decisions to leave my job cos i felt i was not able to fit into the culture and the leadership. and my boss telling me that my mum is a problem (and that he cannot allow my mum to affect my quality of work, made me decided to eventually pack up and leave (and for the record, i totally disagree with him) despite knowing that it would impact be financially. such a decision is at the expense of my career development but i decided to do it in the longer interest of keeping my sanity.

• i have gone further to take a 6-month break to take care of mum up to the point of leaving me totally no savings. yet this decision is deliberate knowing that it would be lost opportunity once mum become totally incapable mentally once her dementia gets full-blown. following the break, i have taken a job that allows me to balance my annual finance sheet with hardly any savings. and i do so cos i have decided to be near home, where i can respond to mum quickly if need be, and also my current job allows me to have a more balanced life. i do all these at the expense of my future cos i know i will hardly be able to build any savings. but it is something i have to do. 

most importantly, i am at the point in life where i feel less energetic and has a lower drive (perhaps i am just tired) and admittedly, to a certain extent, admit that i do not have to motivation nor desire to push myself anymore. and i know there are issues related largely to finances that i know i might not be able to handle when i get older. how do i finance my well-being once age-related issues appear? will i become like mum when i get older? when the time comes, who will be there for me? who will help me make decisions once i lose that capacities/ capabilities? the commitment of most of my resources to manage the old and sick certainly is at the expense of my own sustainability when my time comes. the answer must come from me. and the answer lie somewhere in financial planning and living a responsible and balanced life today. yet on the other hand, i feel so drained as it is. and i really don't want to think about money issues, or for that matter, any issues for now. 

finally...

finally, i decided to pre-set my iphone and whatsapp font size to size 20 (from the defaulted size of 12?). beginning to find the small font size a strain to my eyes in the last couple of months. this is the clearest sign that my presbyopia has worsened drastically over the couple of months.

:-)

man & dog

the world would be a lot better if only we can learn to see and appreciate things from the other person's perspective, and in the process, learn to accept the fact that there is an alternate perspective to things... perspectives that are often neither superior nor inferior to ours...

chim reflection but it came when i saw a man walk his black shih-tzu this morning. yes, the man was walking his dog. but the man couldn't appreciate the dog's nature and pulled his dog hard (to the point of choking?) whenever the dog tried to stop to take a sniff. darned! obviously, the man, being a dog lover presumably, didn't understand that to a dog, sniffing is in its nature. to us human beings, seeing would probably account for 70-90% of our sense-making of our world, but to a dog whose eyes are not as well developed as us, smelling is a huge huge part of how they sense-make their world! i don't think the man realize that a dog's sense of smell is many many times more developed than him!

i didn't know whether to pity the dog or to be angry with the man. then again, that's a lot of reflections based on one momentary sighting as i waited for the traffic light to turn green...

i think too much!

happy weekend!

picture from www.sadieshihtzu.com

letting go

it's really easy to let go once u get the hang of doing it. and i say so and reflected so as i deleted my facebook status this morning. i used to feel sentimental about deleting my status cos after sometime, somehow status updates become a part of my life. i cannot deny it documents my experiences and i undeniably become attached to them. i realized this is not healthy and decided that i should delete them after a day or two. they should capture my thoughts at a certain point of time and perhaps allow me to share with my friends, but they should not create a sense of attachment. so now i delete them every day or two. initially, i felt a little sayang cos all the comments and likes would be deleted too. i recognize the issue is me and not the status updates, but well, the act of deleting it helps shape my behaviour and mindsets. and after sometime, it's very easy to do so...

i supposed in life, this is the same. we get attached to things easily, and many a times without realizing it. for example, we get attached to people, things, places, ideas, believes, etc, even status updates! learning to let go of these attachments is the start to being free. these things often feeds our ego. letting them go releases us from being held down, just like how a kite is stuck to the one flying it. when we are able to fully let go, we open up a whole lot of space to realize our potential. and it allows us to be free and happy. letting go allows us to go higher and see the bigger picture. and when we are high enough, we realize that many things we are attached to are not important. and looking downwards from space, issues like relationships, daily complains about traffic jams, work, etc becomes insignificant. instead we see the beauty of nature, of space, of the truth...

so... yup, let go. be free.

be happy.

picture from http://www.bubblews.com

big brother

my new chief interviewed me yesterday.

during the conversation, she shared about how the positive points my head had mentioned about me and her observations of me since we first met. she described me as a person who could energize people and brighten things up amongst a few other adjectives. it was a very awkward moment for me cos i hardly have people say positive things to me and was never comfortable with it, especially at work where i forever kenah trashed by my bosses. and interestingly enough, she added that she saw me as a pillar where people in the department sub-consciously lean on and that i have been acknowledged (unofficially) as the so-called "big brother" of the department...

haha... felt very weird about being described like this...

ps: then again, thankfully, she didn't say "uncle" or worst still, "big sister" or "auntie"! lol!

joker (late) dad

dad was a very jovial person when he was alive. he would go around joking with people so much so that it was never possible to take him seriously. and even after he passed away, he continued poking fun at people... here's what happened.

last fortnight, i got a missed call from my uncle (my dad's brother). i didn't call back but learned from my aunt yesterday that my uncle felt very uneasy when his son (my cousin) told him about his dream. apparently, my dad appeared in my cousin's dream and my cousin asked him how he was. he replied that he was very miserable and that he was upset that my brother did not bring his children to see him... my cousin related this dream to my uncle, and he felt sufficiently uneasy to call my aunt to ask her how to manage (my dad) this. when my aunt related this story to me, my first reaction was one of disbelief. wow, i thought, how can anyone still believe in dreams?! then again, i reckon it is not courteous to brush away people's sharing. it was clearly an important issue to them and thus, i should not dismiss her sharing. i simply told her that i myself could not understand cos my brother has consistently been bringing his children to pay respect to him at the columbarium. my aunt just laughed it off.

i related this story to my mum and we concluded that dad must be making fun of people again, something that he did all the time when alive. and interestingly enough, at the columbarium today, my mum chided him about telling my cousin about my brother not bringing his children to pay respects to him. frankly, it was a little funny. but the way mum spoke to dad, it seemed like as though he was alive and sitting in front of her! but well, such is the belief system of my mum, my brother and my relatives. and i can only respect everything they do. 

:-)

44th anniversary

made a trip to the columbarium today to pay respect to my late grandfather. this coming wednesday would be his 44th death anniversary. been a long while since he left us and all i remembered of him was how the extended family came together to mourn his passing, his huge traditional chinese coffin and the sweeping of his grave... still, family is family. time cannot wipe away the fact that he was my grandfather and that he had protected and dotted on my mum when my dad and grandmother ill-treated her. and till this day, my mum still hold him in very high regard. and looking at how she, an 81 year old person, still call out fondly to them, ah pa and ah yee, gave me a little goose bumps... 

:-)

pretty bride

brought my mum to my sis's place early yesterday morning and my brother-in-law came down to receive her. and through the whole morning, i could sense mum's discomfort in my sis's place. perhaps it was a case of being in an unfamiliar environment cos she kept calling me every half hour or so telling me about the happenings in the house. the groom has not arrived, everyone is doing their own thing, i have nothing to do but watch tv, the groom is arriving, the groom has been made to dance... etc etc etc she went as she called the umpteenth time. it was until about late morning when they went for the solemnization ceremony and lunch when the calls stopped.

picked her up only in the late afternoon downtown where the wedding luncheon was held. could see mum was happy. my brother-in-law had arranged for me to pick mum up at the car park. and i was glad both my nieces came out to meet me too. and the elder one looked really radiant in her wedding dress. and she brought her newly wed husband out too. ah ku! she called when she saw me and i gave her a little hug. and she quickly introduced her husband to me. this is my uncle, she said, and he respectfully greeted me. suddenly i felt old. haha... anyway, i shook his hands, congratulated him and wished the newly wed a happy life ahead.

seeing my nieces (and the new nephew-in-law) made me very happy. 

:-)

new big boss

i had a change in my chief last week when my previous chief decided to step down and take on a smaller role. and it was interesting... 

she came in on monday and i was away through most of the week and came back to office only friday. and when she saw me, she enthusiastically came up to me to talk about my workshop. and i rattled about it and noted she looked somewhat bewildered. she was kind as she continued to smile and look interested (despite the bewilderment) as i went on telling her about the workshop. i found out later on, and a few times through the day that in the 4 days she was with us, nobody had briefed her about the company! and when i asked around, everybody said they couldn't find time to brief her... it shocked me to find out that she was not even told about the department's shared drive in the server! so much for my previous chief for spending 1-2 full days telling her about the company...

haiz... and so, with this realization, i calibrated down my expectations and spoke to her like as though she is brand new. heh heh... then again, i must say, her joining the team did indeed bring in an air of uncertainty in a very positive way cos she's been a generalist her whole life and can quickly pick up what we are doing in our respective functions. this is in very stark contrast to her predecessor who came from a very specialized background and couldn't give us any clear directions about what to do...

let's see how things go. i feel good about this change in the leadership.

:-)

we are the millers

well, yup, went to catch the show "we are the millers" earlier. and i must say it was a very good an enjoyable movie. superbly light-hearted and lots of laughter. just the type of movie that one should watch when you want to just blank-off and laugh. there are lots of reviews and shall not write about it other than that it tells the story about how 4 unrelated persons (a stripper, a drug dealer, a virgin and a runaway) come together, and pretend to be a family as they smuggle drugs across the mexico-us border. and through the movie, there were lots of jokes that were sexual in nature, yet not crude, and in-your-face, yet subtle. heh heh... i sound very contradictory right? ha!

very nice!

:-)

gridlock

i live near the singapore expo and there are a few types of events that i (and i dare say, people living around here) dislike. and they are - computer and i.t. fairs, and food fairs. every time there are such fairs, the whole area would like jam up. one can easily find lots of bargains and exotic food samples during such fairs and most singaporeans, who are by nature rather tech-savvy, greedy and kiasu, cannot resist a good bargain and will flock to the expo when such fairs are held.

and this weekend was terrible. we had a perfect storm situation where the singapore international food fair, the comex i.t. fair and a few retail annual clearance sales all occurring at the expo at the same time. and suddenly, it seemed like almost the whole singapore had converge into the expo! and to top things off, there is an on-going mrt construction next to my condo too. tomorrow is sunday and i cannot imagine how much worst the condition would get when church goers also appear as there is also a church next to the expo!

haiz...

kancheong

the cantonese word kancheong means anxious (or in chinese 紧张). and that is what i think mum is feeling now.

my niece will be getting married tomorrow. and my eldest sis finally decide to break the news to her. and added to that, my sis told her that she must dress up for the occasion. mum, of cos, being someone who is forever easily excited/ highly excitable, got really worked-up despite the fact that i have prepared her mentally over the last 6 months. and for that matter, i have bought her a new blouse, 2 new pair of shoes etc... then again in the last many months, mum had avoided asking sis about the wedding cos whenever she did so, sis would tell her off. and so during these last many months, mum had been consistently lamenting how sis always scold her and how indignant she felt about being treated such. 

so when sis finally broke the news to her (despite me already preparing her mentally for it over the last 6 months and increasing the frequency of telling her about it last couple of days), she still got super duper kancheong about it... and earlier on, halfway while watching her evening tv serial, she walked into the bedroom and didn't come out. it was strange of her to do this as she had not taken her medication. and when i asked her, she said her whole body ached. hmmm... and after giving her her medication and settling her properly to rest, i told her i would head out for some exercises. 

i returned half and hour later to find her mumbling and chanting. and when i asked her what was she doing, she said she was begging for buddha to cure her aches. she was adamant that something was very wrong with her and she was experiencing the same pains like dad before he died. and she added that regardless of how much more medication she takes, the pain will not go away. it took me a while to coax her to take a tablet. well, of cos, i told her i gave her paracetamol but instead gave her a sleeping pill. 

let's hope she sleeps ok tonight. otherwise, there will be lots to manage tomorrow.

ps: just after i typed this post at 11.45pm, i found mum outside in the living room. she had switched on all the lights, opened all the doors and windows, for some reasons, she left one pair of her panties on the kitchen table, her diaper on the sofa and she had boiled water and made a cup of milo for herself. i sat in the living room sofa as i watched her. she was not happy that i had woken up. after drinking her milo, she went to the kitchen to take her morning medication... managed to stop her after she did her puffs, but before she down all the tablets... would not be good if she had downed the medication considering she had just taken her evening dose 2 hours ago! haiz... i insisted on sitting in the living room unless she retires to bed again and grudgingly she did so. the sky looks like it's really gonna pour big time now, yet she refused to let me close her windows, insisting that it will not rain... looks like its gonna be a long night... but well, i think it will do me a lot of good to just ignore her and let her be for the night. 

exhausted

i feel so exhausted...

my body ached like crazy, i felt feverish and my throat was totally sore. think i am falling sick. then again, today has been a totally busy day, despite the fact that i was on leave. woke up early in the morning, pretended to go to work (didn't want mum to worry) but headed out for breakfast instead. came back at about 10.15am and dropped dead in bed. was darned tired and exhausted. woke up at 12pm and rushed off to pick mum up to send her for her medical appointment. la la la... all the waiting and the crowd and the pharmacy etc etc etc... it wasn't until 3pm before we left the hospital.

brought her out to shop a bit and bought myself a pair of work shoes and underwear. and then brought mum to swensons where she enjoyed a good hearty meal of chicken, prawns and ice cream. headed home, collapsed onto bed again. dozed off and rested for some 20min while mum took her shower. and after that, brought mum out for dessert and second round shopping at the airport. and again, i bought myself a pair of berms. all in all, plus the medication, the consultation fees, the shopping, the makan, etc... i think i spend close to 800 bucks! 

heh... did all these despite my body breaking apart. i felt like an old old person and almost couldn't bend  down when i tried to help someone in a wheelchair pick up a ring that she dropped onto the floor! haha... and so, i decided not to head out for my evening exercise but to retire to bed early.

:-)

conducting workshops

i had been superbly caught up with conducting a workshop for one of my department over the last 2 days. and today, during the check out, 2 of the ladies cried... they were so inspired by all the proceedings over the last 2 days and burst to tears as they reflected and shared on the questions about what they have learned and what will they be committed to moving ahead. and i admit, i was a total goner once women cry. but yeah, weirdly speaking, their tears were kinda an endorsement of my success and i felt encouraged by them, and of cos all the others who were present.

:-)

niece's wedding

my niece will be getting married this saturday. my eldest sis did not invite any of us. and as for my mum, the invite was extended to her only for the solemnization ceremony and a lunch after that. the same invite to the lunch was extended to 2 other nieces of mine cos my niece is very close to them. otherwise, no other family members were invited. no one have been invited for dinner and the reason i understand is that they felt the monies that they will get back from ang pows are likely to be insufficient to foot the bill... and so they decided to drop all invites to my side of the family members.

sounds weird? heh heh... that's how things are in my family. where values and family ties either do not exist or are not valued. then again, as long as my niece is happy, i am happy for her. i have taken care of her when she was a baby and she's rather close to me. she was very apologetic for not inviting me, but she has to work within the boundaries of her mummy's wishes. but i am not perturbed by it. i have transferred the ang pow money to her and i wish her the very very best in her new phase in life.

:-)

yellow shirt

i wore a yellow shirt to office this week. and as usual, i made my way to the canteen before i start week. and guess what... my shirt almost blended with the table! haha... and as if this was not bad enough, i went to office and i realized that my shirt also almost blended with my office table. and then towards the end of the day, my colleagues from the in flight department came to the office and exclaimed how i look like a cabin crew...

geeee...

lol!

line pop games

over the past couple of months, i have been playing the games from line in my iphone. and of the 3 games i play, i have constantly been getting high scores for line pop. but i decided that enough is enough, there is a time to start playing and there is a time to stop playing. and i say this cos i have found myself to want to play this whenever i am free. it was very addictive. and i seriously think it is unhealthy. and so, i deleted all the games from my iphone.

i have stopped playing it since 2 weeks ago.

:-)

beauty

not one to post anything porn nor erotic in here, but thought this picture is interesting. there is something about this picture that catches my attention. i cannot pinpoint whether it is the body, the art, the feathers or what... or maybe it was the whole packaging where perfection of the male body, coupled with the fantasy-like patterns that created a rather mystic effect... well...  

and no, it is nothing about being gay or porn. it is simply about appreciating beauty.

whatever. 

:-)

of gods & fires

mum has this habit of wanting to go to temples whenever she feels unwell inside. it calms her down. and she would often raise such requests to bring her to the temple last minute. that was what happened yesterday.

we were having breakfast, and all of a sudden, she said she wanted to go to the temple. i feel the need to do it, she said. i asked if we could go later in the afternoon cos i felt it was not respectful to go to the temple in sleeveless t-shirt and shorts. but she insisted on going right away. and i relented. if i could calm her down, every else is secondary. we went ahead to purchase the joss papers at the hawker center and quickly made our way to the temple.

the whole routine of going to the taoist temple to pay respect to the taoist gods, one after another, had become rather mechanical over time. there is a specific hierarchy to paying respects to the taoist gods, first it was the celestial god, followed by the resident god, then the gods guarding hell, the gods that guards the door/ journey, etc... and as usual, we would place the offerings of joss papers (celestial monies), candles, fruits, candies, etc on the altar before the prayers. and when all was done, we would dutifully ask for permission to burn the joss paper before we make a small donation to the temple.

such practices has a calming effect on mum, and i am sure, many other believers. it may not necessary sound logical scientifically but what matters most is the psychological effect it has on devotees. some things are not to be questioned from an angle of logic. why would gods need monies given by man? why do we need to offer food? a modern scientific person may ask. and i am sure there are logical answers to such practices other than it is something passed down generations after generations. of cos, i do suspect that some of these practices could have evolved over time such that what we see today may not necessarily be what the original practices was conducted years ago. also, i am certain the origins of such practices could possibly be founded by superstitious believes. then again, current day logic is only a representation of what we have learned thus far in our short history, who knows, there might just be some logical explanations to religion that we have yet to discover.

whatever it is, what is important is not what we do or practice regardless of religion/ faiths, rather, it is how it influence us and our energies in living and respecting life, and according respect and compassion to the sentient beings around us.

:-)

ps: but i must admit, seeing the joss papers burning away has some kind of cathartic effect on me, apart from the little pleasures of seeing things burn (that fulfills the secret arsonist desires in me?) haha!

dragon fruits

the dragon fruit is such a pretty fruit, especially the one that has a beet-root red flesh. and i enjoy blending it together with manuka honey and apples for mum and myself on weekends. very fragrant. and of cos, throw in a couple of ice cubes as i blend it and walah! we have a nice cup of chilled dragon fruit apple drink. and i guess it is rich in vitamin a and c and super for detoxifying the body. but of cos, whenever i drink/ take the red flesh dragon fruit, i will end up having reddish urine a few hours later. the first time i saw it, i had a momentary shock cos i thought i had kidney stones again! haha!

:-)

terrible traffic wardens

during the 6 months when i was not working, i took mum out for walks very often. and most of the time, it would be to the beach, as well as to parks. one of the park that i had brought mum to before was the business park behind my condo. it was a half-developed business park and the other half was vacant and very popular with nearby residents. families would have picnics, walk their dogs as well as exercise there. 

once, i drove my car there, stopped my car by the side of the road (a double yellow lined road for reasons unknown - double line means no parking at all), brought down the wheelchair and wheeled mum for a walk, with sapphie on the leashed. before i walked far, a traffic warden came. he was on his motorbike and he rode up to the front of my car. once he stopped, he shouted at me ooi, you cannot park here, move your car now! he demanded as he stood with his arms crossed and looked at me like i was a criminal. i was taken aback by his shouting but decided to just move off. i wheeled my mum back to the car as he continued to stand there and told me to hurry up or he'll book me. people around saw what he did and was rather shocked... i guessed they were shocked (as i was) to see a traffic warden behaving like that to someone pushing a wheelchair and holding a dog on leash.

i simply did what he said and left the place. decided to simply keep quiet about it. 

i soon forgot about it. until yesterday...

hah...

rude traffic wardens

i was at the business park last afternoon and i had a bad experience with a traffic warden. it was the second experience and i decided to respond tit for tat. something that i would not have done normally had it not been for a previous experience (that i would blog later). here's what happened.

the business park behind my condo was only half-developed. that means the other half was still bare and made into a park complete with running routes, benches and pergolas. this part of the park thus became popular with residents living nearby on weekends. some would walk there, whereas some, drive. and there are also many (eg taxi drivers) who would simply drive there, park along the road and take an afternoon nap. the only issue is that becos it is meant to be developed as a business park, there are no parking facilities. and all the roads were painted with double yellow lines, which mean "no parking at all times". and becos of this, technically speaking, anyone who parks along the road would be guilty of breaking a rule, despite the fact that the place is vacant, deserted and has hardly any traffic. and this is where to problem arise...

i was at the park yesterday to wash my car. when i first arrived there, i saw a traffic warden doing his rounds on his motorbike. after chasing away a van, he parked his motorbike along the road and took a rest. i decided to drive to another part of the park to wash my car. when i was about done, he rode up to me and once within hearing distance, shouted at me and chided me for parking my vehicle there. "you know it is a double yellow line and you still park your car here! why?!" he shouted and demanded an answer. i knew i was in the wrong but that hostile opening line made me mad. i told him he should not have shouted at me even if i was in the wrong. as i was previously from the company doing this enforcement, i knew very well that he was supposed to greet people first. rudeness has never and will never be part of the service equation. he was taken aback by my counter-response and raise his voice further... he then dismount from his bike and his posture was one that looked like he's gonna book me. 

that energized me further. i knew there was nothing he could do to me. i had not verbally abused him. and i certainly was behaving within the boundaries of a reasonable people. i went on to lecture him about his attitude and how he had not done what the company had drilled into him. i know i am in the wrong, but with your rudeness, you have put yourself in the disadvantaged position. what's the first step of your sop? greet! good afternoon, sir. not shout at people. is this what you have been taught? is this how you behave? isn't customer focus part of your company core values? he gabra a little when he found out i was from the company... are you sure you are from my company? he started to sound a little destabilized. and he started to address me "sir". but he was clearly not satisfied. or more accurately, indignant. ok, i call you sir now, now move your car... he half-demanded. i told him i would move my car once i packed my stuff, as i went ahead to throw away the dirty water and move my stuff back into the car. he stood there and wanted me to pack up right away. i took my time. i was on the offensive. i will move once i pack my stuff, i said again. and if you will, please go away. he knew he had no way with me, and left. 

i called my ex-colleague managing this unit and gave feedback on his behaviour to them. and yup, he thanked me for it. he deserved it, my ex-colleague said.

sea of monster

watched percy jackson and the sea of monster last night.

another fantasy show. but i find this show a little less exciting compared to the last percy jackson (and the lightning thief). the set is so fake and i didn't take it too well to the many attempts to insert cheesy jokes into the show. the whole production felt very teenager-ish and unprofessional. then again, it's a break...

:-)

picture from www.fanpop.com

travel list...

time to update my travel-log... 

:-)

2013

may - philippines (clark)
jul - malaysia (kl)
aug - indonesia (jakarta)

2012

nil

2011

feb - malaysia (jb)

jun - malaysia (jb)

oct/ nov - china (hong kong sar)

2010

may - malaysia (jb)

oct - indonesia (bintan)

nov - indonesia (jakarta)

dec - united arab emirates (abu dhabi, dubai)

2009

jun/jul - australia (perth, cervantes, margaret river, augusta, walpole, denmark, pemberton, manjimup, albany, hyden, corrigin, york, fremantle, joondalup)

jul - malaysia (malacca)

sep - malaysia (malacca)

nov - malaysia (jb)

2008

jun - thailand (phuket)

oct - malaysia (malacca, kuala lumpur)

dec - malaysia (cameron highlands, malacca)

2007

apr - malaysia (malacca)

apr - china (beijing)

jun - australia (perth)

aug - vietnam (hanoi, haphong)

aug - indonesia (jakarta, bandung)

dec - china (shanghai)

2006

apr - malaysia (kl)

jun - australia (sydney)

aug - thailand (bangkok)

sep-oct - indonesia (jakarta, bandung, lembang)

oct - thailand (bangkok)

dec - china (hong kong)

2005

feb - thailand (bangkok)

mar - malaysia

may - thailand (bangkok)

jun - indonesia (bintan)

jul - indonesia (bintan)

sep - indonesia (bintan)

oct - malaysia (kl)

nov - malaysia (jb, malacca)

nov - indonesia (bintan)

dec - taiwan (taipei)

2004

feb - taiwan (kaoshiung)

mar - taiwan (kaoshiung)

jun-dec - states (whole of florida, new york, chicago / illinois, etc)

dec - china (shanghai, hangzhou)

2003

jun - australia (sydney)

sep-oct - taiwan (taipei)

dec - s korea (seoul, sorat, incheon)

2002

jun - england (london, oxford, stratford upon avon, leeds, manchester, scarborough, windermere, etc)

2001

mar - states (california [la, sfo], new york)

may - taiwan (whole)

may - malaysia

jul - states (san diego)

dec - malaysia

2000

jun - australia (sydney)

dec - indonesia (bintan)

1999

feb - indonesia (jember)

may - england (london, brighton)

jun - malaysia

oct - japan (tokyo)

1998

mar - malaysia

jun - malaysia

sep - new zealand (christchurch)

nov - new zealand (christchurch, auckland)

1997

jun - indonesia (bintan, batam)

jun - thailand (bangkok, pattaya)

nov - switzerland (zurich, lucerne), israel (jerusalem)

pre-1997

lots of places but mainly in asia. these include east and west malaysia (lost count), taiwan (almost every city/town you can think of, lost count), hong kong (twice?), australia brisbane, sydney, melbourne (1994), thailand (bangkok, kanchanaburi, chiangmai, chiangrai) (lost count), indonesia (bintan, batam, jember, surabaya) (trice?), brunei (lost count), philippines (metro manila, cabanatuan city) (1995), etc etc etc...

mortal instruments

watched mortal instruments city of bones last weekend.

good and nice movie and brought me away from the mundanes of the normal daily stress. i supposed this is part of what fantasy movies are about - to transport us to a make believe world where good is always triumphant over the bad. then again, bee didn't quite like this movie as it lacked the oomph, he said. below expectations, he grumbled. as for me, i was frankly a little disappointed when he said he booked this show as i thought he had booked percy jackson. turned out percy jackson had not been released yet. so... yup, walking into a cinema with no expectations, or better still, a little disappointment, was not so bad after all...

:-)

picture from schmoesknow.com

confirmation

this happened on the eve of my training trip when i was super busy assembling the training notes...

my boss called me to the meeting room and gave me my confirmation letter. was rather unexpected as my confirmation was not due till 1 oct. and he said he had recommended me for my confirmation ahead of my time given that i had exceeded all expectations and that i had delivered more than what they had asked for. he went on till tell me that he had recommended me for a promotion and to take over him within the next 6 months or when he leaves (whichever is earlier as he is a contracted staff)...

but here's the interesting part, the content of the confirmation letter read - congratulations la la la... there will be no change to your contract etc, but instead of a 1-month notice period, your notice period will now be 3 months!

sounds like a punishment?

lol!

good job!

am back finally from my 1-day overseas training trip. was superbly tiring and i must profess, such trips are getting more tiring as time passes. in another words, i am getting old! haha!

well, the day started early and ended very late for me. woke up at 3.30am, did my final packing and checks and got to the airport by 4.20am. checked in and since i have more than 12kg of notes and handouts, i had to check my luggage in... the trip to jakarta was rather uneventful. we arrived 6.30am local time (that was one hour behind singapore time) and had a quick breakfast as we waited for the driver to pick us up at 7.30am. it seemed like the airport has changed quite a bit since i was last there a few years ago. things seemed a little more organized and cleaner now. other than that, things has not changed much. the people are still as friendly, they have have the easy-going attitude and pace is still rather slow, positively speaking. but becos of this, i was faced with constant challenges throughout the day.

first, when i arrived at the training site, i realized the so called training room was a boardroom and there was hardly any space to organize the class! such a layout will not do for soft skills programs due to the many activities planned. but well... we had no choice, we adapted. secondly, although it was agreed that it would be a 7hr program and i has planned it to be so, things turned out even more challenging as the people were never punctual. 15min breaks turned into 45min breaks, and they took an hour for lunch instead of the half hour agreed... and to make things worst, the participants had a habit to leave the room quite often. it didn't help that even the organizers didn't control the participants but instead justify and gave excuses for their absence/ lateness! their bosses called them... that's the way things are here... she said. thankfully, i half had expected this to happen and had contingencies planned. i had to cut down on the briefing, cut down on the activities, and tell more stories instead, start once more than half the class turned up, focus on the key points, refer them to hand outs whenever needed, etc. it was a whole day of constant adaptations of the materials, program and the conduct... 

well, these are the constant challenges of trainers anywhere, but to have to do that through the day was no easy feat and seriously mentally draining. thankfully, despite all these challenges, the participants were highly attentive when they were there. the energy levels was high and there was a lot of laughter and fun. and the feel good factor was very high when we ended at 4.30pm. good job and i learned a lot too, my executive who accompanied me there said. well done! my boss texted when i updated him via sms that everything went smooth, we love it! we want more, everyone expressed. excellent program and wonderful experience but the training site could be seriously improved, a quick scan of the training evaluation feedback suggests. as a trainer, such feedback and feel good factor after the training encourage me and iterate that the things i do are relevant. 

it was a superbly long day and i was exhausted by the time we checked in at the jakarta airport. we arrived back in singapore at slightly past 10pm, after experiencing a 45min flight delay due to runway congestion at jakarta.

:-)

overseas trip

will be making a trip to jakarta on thursday to conduct training. decided to make it a day trip leaving singapore at 5-ish and returning late at night. my boss had suggested a 3-day 2-night trip but i don't think it's a good idea considering there are limited/ no options of housing my mum anywhere else.

so, the arrangement will be for sis to buy mum dinner and to bring the dog to pee. otherwise, for most time of the day, mum will be at the rehab center.

as of this morning, she is already showing signs of stress and anxiety despite assuring her that i will be back in the evening. let's see how things pan out these 2 days...

depression?

finding myself talking to my blog more than anyone else these days.

and i have no mood to talk to anyone.

or to do anything other than daily routines.

feeling the sense of losing control.

losing interest in lotsa things.

i suspect my depression is creeping back again.

and this time round, i feel alone and helpless...

emo day

feeling highly emo and pissed off today.

this has been happening for a while and every time i highlighted it, he would brush me off. i totally hated it when i was made to feel ignored and when my smses were not replied. added to that, whenever i call, the phone will never be able to get through as though it was switched off. and when i finally got through, no one picked up the call. and when the call was picked up finally, all I got was - i was working, or no leh, my phone was always on...

all these made me think of the last time when i was with james where he neglected me through and through. and i was also reminded of how he behaved when he was with his ex. i was simply not in existent. no priority. and linking these observations to the recent trip despite being unwell, the many text messages he gets when with me even late at nights, etc, i sometimes wonder if this is indeed the case. and i hate to compare but i was there and always tried to be there when he needed me. but where was he when i needed someone to lean on? or simply just to respond to me...

feeling very pissed. and when i voiced it out, all i got was a - aiyah, ok ok... and then he change topic. 

pissed! pissed! pissed!

siào!

the word "siào" in hokkien means crazy, or mad, and is used to refer to a person who is mentally off. it is often used in a derogatory sense, for example, when a person scolds another for doing things differently or when a person says things that he/ she doesn't agree with (regardless of whether it is logical or not). i have a high-level of aversion to this term since young. the very mention of this word would instantaneously raise my anger. an anger so intense that i would lose control of my emotions. something that is very unusual for me, a highly-introverted person. so, when people call me siào, i would end up quarreling with him/ her and without further reasoning, cut off my ties with that person and stop anymore contact with him/ her. that was how much aversion i have towards this term.

my aversion to this term can be traced to my mum. my mum went through a bad patch after marrying my dad back in 1956. during the first few years after her marriage, my dad left her, she had 2 miscarriages, my paternal grandma ill-treated her, etc, all becos she couldn't bear my grandparents any grandchildren. things did not get better even after my sis was born cos my grandma wanted sons. my mum suffered depression as a result and had to be put under lifelong medication by the mental hospital. since then, every single relatives on my paternal side would gossip about her, and jeer her, calling her "siào". and becos of the social stigma associated with this word, she suffered humiliation, on top of the ill-treatment, from people in her village (kampong) and the villages around paya lebar. that humiliation lasted through my younger years and many a times, when we encounter our relatives, i often overheard them gossiping behind her back that i have a mad mum. i have also heard some mention about the need to be careful and not aggravate her lest she turns into a mad bitch (siào kào bù). such words affected me badly and scarred me since young.

over time and with guidance from buddhism, i have learned to manage myself. these day, when people call me "siào", i would simply assume it is a case of frivolous use of words and ignore the person. when it comes to language, i am a traditional person at heart. and for that, i have over time drilled in me not to use terms loosely. i am careful with words, i say what i mean and i mean what i say. and if i am joking or using my language lightheartedly, i will make sure i make it known first lest i evoke unnecessary emotions. i do recognized that not everyone share the same values nor respect when it comes to language. i do rationalized that people these days do not place much importance nor second thoughts about words and often use it very frivolously. good examples of such words include terms like "idiot", "bitch", "fucker", "stupid", etc. added to this, i also constantly remind myself not to be too attached to myself. self-ego is not healthy and will evoke strong emotions. and with these in mind, i have learned to stop reacting dramatically to it. i'd pretend i didn't hear it, or at most, if i am comfortable with the person, i would share with him/ her about my aversion to this term. 

so... yeah, this is a little bit more about me...

ps: and oh, there is no equivalent chinese character in the chinese language for "siào" as far as i know. perhaps this is a hokkien term? hmmm...

weekend mood?

great start to weekend! woke up early, went to work early, have an early kopi-o... relak, relak sauntered into office at 8.30... then realized i had left my laptop in my car at home...

tgif!

gay adverts! love it!

ouch... the tagline... not gonna be good for the gay image, but hey, let's just take this advert superficially. after all, it is just an advert! and hmmm... if arm chairs are so yummy, who would need other furnitures in the house?!

haha!

:-)

going free(balling)...

the term "freeballing" refers to person who choose to not wear underwear. "freeballing" is also known as "going commando" to some people. and really... what's the big deal about not wearing underwear right? but no, apparently not. just do a google and you can find loads of people talking and discussing about it. amongst the people in the singapore gay community, it seemed to be a rather big deal not wearing underwear (especially amongst the younger lots of gay men). it's quite funny actually. and when you read the details, you can see people talking about it from the health angle, from the feel-good angle, from the moralistic angle (what the hell right?) etc... and comparing, i see lots of parallels between the arguments for and against "freeballing" to the whole concept of being a naturalist or a nudist. anyway.... this is not why i write this post.

the reason why write this is becos of what i see almost daily. you see, there is this indian couple in my estate. they are both in their 20s and they came from india (my assumption, judging from their accent and their behaviour). this couple moved in sometime last year and frequently take walks along the canal between my apartment and the business park. this canal runs beside an existing construction site and is rather deserted. at night, the whole place would be rather dim and a couple of bangladeshi construction site workers would hang around there chatting amongst themselves or using their handphones.

the thing about this couple is that the wife likes to walk around commado-style aka bra-less. and what makes her stands out very conspicuously is that her breasts bounce and swing like nobody business when she walks! and this is very obvious becos she is very very (yes, i emphasize the word - very) well-endowed up there (but not as disproportionately as dolly parton). one can describe them to be like overripe papayas. and they came complete with very pointed nipples that point through her thin cotton nightgown material (and she doesn't seem to change her nightgown)! certainly, they do remind me of cum-filled condoms enlarged a million times! ok, weird comparison, but what can you expect from a gay man right? haha, you get what i mean... and interestingly, they seemed pretty nonchalant about it as they stroll and chat. 

one evening 2 weeks back, as i was walking home from my evening runs at about 11pm, i saw her doing her evening stroll. it was kinda weird to be strolling at 11pm. and she was alone. again, she was in the same nightgown. and as usual, her breasts were swinging... and bouncing... and the whole area was dim. and there were construction workers... and my mind started racing as i walked... i started imagining things. will she be ok? will she be safe?...  ok, this post is getting no where. haha... i came home, forgot about the whole thing... until today.

come on. it's singapore.

but yeah... then again, i have not seen her since that evening...

hmmm...

:-)

perspectives...

half full? or half empty?

young? or old?

cute? or ugly?

light? or dark?

front? or back?

it's a matter of perspective. we decide what we see. we all have the choice.

and no, it is not self-deluding.

we just need to energize ourselves to see things from right perspective.

...

vertically challenged

gelling ones hair to look good is one thing but it brings gelling to a whole new level when one gels his long hair skywards in an attempt to mitigate his vertically challenged stature...

hmmm... ok, i am being bitchy... but really, this was what i saw this morning - someone who was no taller than 1.5-ish(?)m but has his hair gelled so high that his height ended up about 1.7m, and his face actually looked small in relation to his hair! and all these was made worst by the fact that his body was disproportionately longer than his legs.

haha!

bottoms & tops

think about this - the only times a pure bottom becomes top is when he pokes people in facebook. conversely, the only times a pure top becomes bottom is when he gets poked in facebook...

oooo, i am such a flex!

lol!

oooo... nose bleed!

i walked into office today and as i passed by the pantry, i noted a hunk in the pantry. he looks rather cute, a little lost, but he is ooooo... huge! his arms were as huge as the waist of a petite lady, he has a tall build, wears very fashionable colour co-ordinated business shirt and pants... and ooo, just look at his tight bubble butt!

ok, ok... you get the idea. i walked pass him, headed to my desk, and i decided i should head to the pantry to take a second look. of cos, as an excuse, i took my container along. to fill with water, that is. i walked into the pantry again and as i washed my container, i asked him if he was waiting for someone (hahaha... wasn't it obvious?) he turned around, looking a little disoriented, "blur" and surprised, he said he was waiting for the hr girl (my colleague) and quickly added that he was new and this was his first day at work. oooo, such a cute innocent response i thought. i smiled and told him she would arrive soon. and quickly, i extended my hand and introduced myself. his grip was firm and he introduced himself too... then again, with him gripping my hands, i totally didn't hear what he said. i simply welcomed him and walked out of the pantry. i decided i shouldn't stay too long and should just look like i had gone in to get water...

anyway, to cut the long story short... i wondered if he was gay. and i told some of my friends and bee about him. and i could sense their curiosity too. and once i got home, i did a facebook search using his name and... sighs... he is married, has a son and a daughter. 

nonetheless, his photos are so yummilicious!

i am such a slut!

:-)

becos of 7th month?

i am not sure if it is due to the 7th lunar month effect, but i seemed to get a lot of negativity around me these 2-3 weeks. and i have observed the same patterns of negativity every year during this period. could it be due to the negative energies surrounding this month - the period where taoists commemorate the month where hungry ghosts are released from hell and that they are free to roam the mortal world? 

over the last couple of weeks, things have been really terrible for me, bee and a couple of my friends. for bee, he has his fair share of family challenges. and i must admit that his constant sharing with me had somewhat affected me, thereby making my own stress at work and at home even more unbearable. all these made worst by his sudden decision to leave for a trip to bangkok with his friends. i was almost at the point of depression last week. added to that, i have a friend in e malaysia who has suicidal thoughts, and just as all these were happening, i get a mail from another friend telling me he slashed his wrist yesterday... lots of negativity around at this time.

and amidst all these negativity, i also have my mum. her mental condition has obviously deteriorated over the last couple of weeks. it didn't occur to me that all her recent issues were signs of her worsening condition until i thought about it this evening. for example, i have her being extra forgetful, doing things that she was supposed not to do (like washing her clothes), peeing all over the house, getting extra anxious over small small things, being extra suspicious, and her constant apologizing to me for no reasons, etc. i noted things were not right (totally off, in fact) this evening as we were watching the evening tv serial. here's how the conversation went:

mum (watching tv):  are the people in the tv real?

me:  of cos they are, if they are not, then it would likely be cartoons that we are watching...

mum:  i don't know, i don't know...

a minute later...

mum:  you mean the people in the tv are real?

me (a little confused):  of cos they are, but they are actors who are acting out a story, but they are real people...

mum:  i don't know, i don't know...

a while more later...

mum:  how can the people in the tv be real?

me (totally confused):  huh? what do you mean?

mum:  your dad asked me to watch tv with him through the night, so if the people in the tv are real, how come do they do not need to sleep?

me (hmmm, my dad died 5 years ago!):  oh, it's cos they had recorded the shows sometime back and played it on tv. 

mum:  i don't know, i don't know...

some few seconds later...

mum:  if you say they are real, how do they get into the tv? for that matter, how do they get out of the tv? 

me (!!!):  oh, they are not in the tv per se. they are real people but the shows are recorded. so they do not really exist inside the tv. 

mum:  i don't know, i don't know...

i went for a jog after the show and after i let her to bed. i thought about this conversation and for a short moment, i wanted to cry. i knew then that i am losing my mum. a living person but no longer the same person. she is losing her mental capacities to dementia. then again, i knew this is the nature of things. i should not be crying. and with this thought, my desire to cry stopped. i have to learn to let her go. i should simply celebrate the fact that she has lived to this ripe old age. and i should instead help her ease into her sunset years... 

so... seventh lunar month?

hmmm...

goldar

this is really beyond everybody's time. but i remembered watching this on tv as a small kid!

:-)

i donno where to start!

after such a long break (last weekend), i went to office feeling totally lost.

in fact, when i walked in at 08:30am, which was the usual official start work time, only probably about 10% had arrived. everybody was still on holiday mood! that was my first thought... and everyone started to trickle in slowly after that. then again, the usual energies was not felt until today...

anyway, i walked into the office, headed to my desk, set-up my laptop, and i stared at the screen. for the few moments, i really didn't know where to start! haha... it was either a case of me clearing my mails daily and that i had no mails left to clear, or that i really didn't know where to start cos i had totally lost my inertia, or a combination of both!

and better still, my head came in at 8.45am and he looked equally lost! and as for my staff, she lagi more champion! she whatsapp-ed me at 7-ish in the morning and told me she had just landed from her trip to taiwan. and she added that she would be late as she needed to head home to drop her stuff first!

...

what's in her mind?

many a times i get frustrated and feel very abused emotionally by my own mum. and i always wonder what the fuck is in her mind. then again, i always tell myself she is a sick person and that i should not take things personal. but i do admit, although i often say i have gotten used to it, i have not. it still is very difficult for me when her paranoia strikes. and it happens every evening. it is simply impossible to ignore her regardless of how much one wants to do so. you know, saying to ignore is easy, but in real sense, you cannot do so for the following reasons - self-preservation, self-preservation and self-preservation! from my experience managing her for the last 2 years, i can tell you this - you cannot ignore her! even if you do once, you cannot do it twice, thrice, etc... the repetitiveness of it alone will irked even the most patient person! and if you ignore, you face the very real possibility of her going berserk. cos her paranoia will turn to anxiety, and then delusion sets in. and when all these happen, there will be so much more damage control to manage. so, you will have to learn to observe small tell tale signs of paranoia and to pre-empt your own response if you want to live sanely. the following is a classic example of what happens daily.

i come back from work, bring her out for dinner, shop a bit to engage her mentally, then return home, rest for a while and during this period, watch tv with her. and after the tv show ends, i would serve her her evening medication. and then i put her to bed. and it is only then that i can go out for a quick run or to exercise. and for my mum, that is when her paranoia starts. she will never fail to give me suspicious looks when she goes to bed and she'll forever ask - you wanna go out again is it? such questions, even if it is uttered in the most innocent manner, will create certain levels of emotional stress. for there were many instances previously where, after i leave the house for my short quick run, my sis would call me and asks me what happened. and when i queried further on why the question, she said mum called her and tell her that i have gone out to meet people to plan to kill her.

such events kept playing out over and over again. and once, with very carefully crafted and well thought through sentences, i asked her why she behaved like that. she said she doesn't like to be left alone. and i explained that if so, i could hire a maid or to look at other alternatives... all of which she vehemently rejected. hmmm... and i tried to reason with her. for me, if i do not run or exercise... i grow fat, i grow unhealthy, my back hurts, my health suffers, and at my age, there will be a risk of high blood pressure, heart attacks, diabetes, etc... and her response? won't one la. and then she would give me suspicious looks again. hmmm...

this evening was even more interesting, when i switched off the tv, the question came again - you wanna go out again is it? to which i replied - yup, i will be going for a short run, a quick one and i will be back. and she said sarcastically, you wanna go, you go lor... but don't run until tomorrow morning ok? hmmm... how am i gonna interpret that? i stated my displeasure at her sarcasm, to which she retorted - i thought you are a very good runner right? and i am just stating facts... i refused to respond to her further. all these came from nowhere. i certainly do not think i deserve any of such emotional abuse from her. especially when it can just appear out of no where...  

i retired to my room and locked my door.

she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... she is a sick person... 

mask

no better way than to end this horribly long break with an sk-ii mask. in fact, this box of mask was given to me by james (my ex) last year for my birthday. and i have not used it yet. or rather, the first person to take a piece to use it was bee. otherwise, all other pieces were still intact and unused...

until tonight! 

haha!

:-)

ps: taking a photo using my macbook air and leveraging on the light from my computer screen does indeed make me look a little scary. haha! i think the long break is making me a little cranky!

what the fish...

it's always nice to eat steamed fish. and that was what i cooked for dinner. haha. i have been so domesticated these days. or rather, with the so many days off, even having dinners out has become a challenge. and i find myself asking again and again what to eat, and where to go. so, in the end, might as well cook my own dinners! and it is probably more wholesome too! and so for today, i decided it would be steamed fish, complete with a whole lot of shitake mushrooms, and tomatos.

:-)

ingredients
1 medium to large size fish (here i use grouper, you can use sea bass or pomfret too)
10 large dried shitake mushrooms (soaked and sliced)
1-2 tomatos cut into quarters (or halves depending on your preference)
2 sliced red chilli
blue ginger cut into strips
4 large chopped garlic 
3-4 tablespoon of soya sauce
sprinkle of seasoning
half cup of water

method
place the sliced mushroom onto the plate
place the fish onto the mushroom (make a diagonal cut across the body so that it cook better)
place the sliced ginger, chilli and chopped garlic over the fish
sprinkle the seasoning and pour the soya sauce over the fish
add the water
place it over a wok of water and steam it for half hour

garnish with coriander leaves if you desire.

serve hot with fragrant jasmine rice.

enjoy!

breaking down...

oh, i am talking about my house (my condo unit). i bought it in 1996 when it was still in the design stage and have lived in it since 1998. 15 years in all. 

and after all these years, signs of old age are appearing. things are breaking apart and getting spoilt. for examples, the air-con units are working weird, the air-con louvre has stopped moving, the water heater has stopped working (i bathe with cold water now), the carpentry, kitchen cabinets, and build-in wardrobes are all showing signs of warping, the parquet flooring is also showing signs of water seepage and fungal growth, and worst of all, the marble flooring has also started to "pop up". but well, all these happened gradually over the last 5 years or so. and other than the marble tiles "popping up" recently, there has been no major surprises per se. and of cos, to the untrained and un-noticing eyes, everything still look pretty ok.

i think i can still hold on to these for at least 3-5 years. probably need not carry out any major renovations for now. one consideration is my dog. i think she'll probably go by then, based on the typical 15-18 years lifespan of a mongrel. to subject her to a new environment with new smells would be too stressful to her if i were to do any renovation now. not a nice thing to do to an old 13-year old dog! not to mention of cos, that after the renovation, things will end up getting scratched by her! and also, my mum... to have her move out temporarily and having things all messed up during the renovation would probably be a tat too stressful for her. so... yup. kiv all renovations for now.

haha... 

then again, the bigger question would probably be - should i sell this unit and buy another one?

hmmm...

finally...

sunday is finally here. and the long long weekend is finally coming to an end. to a certain extend, i look forward to working again tomorrow. the long break is killing me. yet, on the other hand, in this few days, i have gotten used to a slightly different routine. sleeping later than usual, doing houseworks, cooking dinners, etc... very domesticated. and of cos, a lot of other small things that i usually would not have time to do, like spending one whole day and night backing-up my photos in my computer... all 10200 of them.

:-)

home cooked food

decided to cook dinner this evening. 

chicken wings and champignon soup. very easy dish. mum's favourite. fried some vegetables with prawns and fried an egg for each of us. and of cos, with lots of sambal belachan to go with the chicken wings!

nice, easy, wholesome dinner.

yumzzz!

oh, the recipe for the chicken wing champignon soup is as follows:

ingredients
8 chicken wings
1 large can of champignon (drained and washed)
salt to taste

method
throw in everything into the container
(you can either have the champignon whole or sliced)
fill with 2 litres of water
bring to boil
lower heat and stew for 45min
add salt to taste

add some cilantro (coriander leaves) aka 芫荽 yan sui (wan swee) as garnishing if you desire.

serve by itself or with rice!

enjoy!