hallucinations

my mum told me that the nite before she fell ill, she saw my both my paternal & maternal grandmas & grandpas, her 2 dead sisters (my 2nd and 3rd aunties), and my dad coming to visit her...

i am sure this kinda stories will sure make some people worry as accordingly, such sightings are believed to be precursors of the arrival of death. but for me, these are superstitions. i do not believe in them. but i do think that when a person is sick and confused, it is quite normal for them to think of people close to them. and so, to console her, i told her that becos she is sick, people close to her are coming to her to see her and wish her well... nonetheless, my brother is worried and has asked me to bring her to the temple once she leaves the hospital.

whatever the case, what is most important now is that she recovers well.

:-)

chest infection

mum has been hospitalized in sgh since last evening. she was found breathless, her face had turned blue and her lips black after dinner. suspected that the food she swallowed during dinner had moved into her windpipe and might have choked her. it was lucky that my brother managed to dislodge the food and rushed her to the hospital in time. was told we almost lose her as her blood pressure had dropped to dangerous levels and her heartbeat was weak. she was later found to have chest infection. pneumonia. apparently, she had had this infection for quite a while. as of now, she is still under anti-biotic treatments and has been put on oxygen mask. her condition has stabilised although she is still confused.

short trip to jb

made a short evening trip to jb to visit karsten yesterday. it was a short trip, but nonetheless, a nice one. and i am saying it was a nice trip becos firstly, it was my first visit to his place and that we had the chance to catch up. also, we managed to do a bit of shopping at one of the malls.

malaysia is our closest neighbour. yet, the ambience, the people, their dressing, etc feel so different. it seemed like singapore 20 years ago, yet, in a way, it has all the modern things. i can't find the exact words to describe it, but on the whole, i feel that it is much less stressful, more relax and the people are less pretentious. the people are less well dressed, the chinese are very malaysian chinese, the way they speak, the way they articulate their words, the way they dress, etc. very different from singaporeans. then again, there seemed to be a heightened awareness of the lines between races. there was an poster outside a shop advertising for shop assistants and it stated specifically, that they were looking for chinese only.

hmm...

meals w friends

it has been an interesting and beautiful week thus far. managed to have dinner with ming yesterday. come to think of it, it was almost a year ago since we last met! it was a really long overdue dinner and it was really good to be able to catch up with him.

and today, i had the pleasure of having lunch with pei sing. was actually surprised when she sms-ed me on monday asking if i would be free to meet up for a meal this week. she wanted to seek some opinions/ advice about some kitchen stuff. frankly, i felt a little stressed up to meet her cos despite having known her for more than a year (or 2 perhaps) and have exchanged some smses/ brief chat on the phone, we have never ever met up for a meal! anyway, i agreed. and it turned out to be a really nice lunch and chat. of cos, i was able to share with her some thoughts about what to consider when buying kitchenware and household stuff... so auntie right!?

heh heh...

birthday 09

time flies fast when you do not notice it. we had just celebrated bee's birthday. and thinking about it, it's already the fifth birthday that i had celebrated for him. this year's birthday was a little less drama... no surprises like last year, no big birthday cake like the year before, no la la over anything. just a simple get together dinner with the usual kakis last friday and a simple quiet dinner at nautilus at ion orchard followed by a simple single-person-sized cake at home.

happy birthday bee bee!

after the quake

this the book i am reading now.

new neighbours

an indian family moved in today after our gay neighbours moved out. foreign talent i supposed? well, talking about indians, i must first say i have nothing against indians and that i do have many good indian friends. but i did notice that recently, quite a few indian families have moved into the estate. for that matter, the unit just below this new residents are also indians and they too have just moved in a couple of months back. and the sudden increase of indian family in the estate certainly change the feel a little... and this reminds me about the recent debates about foreign talents. and the latest being one of our senior political leaders heading to his ancestral village and reminding us again of our roots. but the key message i get out of the article was that we need to accept foreign talents as our ancestors too were once `foreign talents' themselves. i do not disagree. but i seriously think that the pace at which these foreign talents are being brought in is a tat too fast and too furious. i am sure our political leaders do not feel it as they do not dwell in the social spaces of the common heartlanders, but how would you feel if everywhere you go, you see these people. and they talk differently, dress differently, behave differently, have different norms insofar as social manners are concerned... much as we can and must accept them, things get a bit difficult when the look and feel of our very own familiar social space feels so molested. and when our social space defines our identity, wouldn't it be natural that we resist? k, k, back to my new neighbours. next few weeks will be quite interesting. on one hand, they will have to quickly get use to the physical surrounding as well as the people around them. and for us, we will have to start getting use to having new people looking into our private spaces, our kitchen, our common spaces, etc... sighs...

哭 (cry)

ah... 1998, 1999... years where tears flowed freely. the years where my heart ached. really ached. really really ached. those were my early years after my coming out. people i was interested in, people whom i had my crushes on... one heartache after another. the process of falling in and out of love, one-sided love, getting and being jaded, fearing relationships, self-doubt, self-destruction, etc, etc, etc. very destructive years. and i would listen to this song. i could identify with the lyrics so much. and listening to this song made me crawl deeper and deeper inside me. more and more... and i would wallow in my own mishaps in love. we only lived once and it was times like these that defined our life. it numbed and almost killed my innermost self.

i recovered. eventually. i have lived. i have loved.

they've moved out

our gay neighbours finally moved out of their apartment today. after all these while, it's been a hot-cold-hot-cold-i-see-you-i-smile-and-you-pretend-not-to-see-me kinda behaviour (especially the younger one). so, i guess my thoughts of having a good neighbour whom we can be good friends with and with whom we can rely on for any emergencies was not to be after all. anyway, i wish them best of luck and happiness wherever they have moved to. and if our path crossed again, hopefully, we can still acknowledge and say hi.

wrong time?

last evening, i mistakenly change my phone's system to a wrong date and time. and i realized it only when thomas asked me about it. this occurred after the shop (where i bought the phone from) had done the date-time setting. for the whole morning today, i felt damned bloody disturbed by the fact that the phone displayed 2 different times - 10.30 and 10.45. and when i checked again, it displayed 2 timings again - 10.30 and 11.07, and again - 10.30 and 11.17. nonetheless, i did not have the time to check what was wrong with the setting as i was rushing for my physiotherapy and then to my chiropractic treatment. i only managed to check the setting after my treatment as i had some time at hand before meeting james for lunch. and so hmmmm... checked the time setting a few times. hmmm... nothing wrong leh... there was no dual time setting. there was no wrongly set time. and i sat at the coffee shop thinking hard... and then it struck me... today is october 30th. damned it! :-)

samsung omnia 2

just bought this new phone. so happy!

:-)

feeling energized

on monday this week, i received an sms from my ex-student inviting me to return to sit in for their end-of-course check out session. in his sms, he said that the person who took over me was away on official duty and that someone else would be sitting in to `officially' observe them. also, he felt that it would be apt for me to sit in and share given that i had gone through the first couple of months of the course with them. he mentioned something about wondering whether he should invite me given that i had left service, but in the end, he decided to follow his heart.

reading this last sentence, i felt moved.

the check out was conducted on tuesday morning and i decided to give them sometime to settle down before popping in. afterall, i thought, i was an unofficial member. i quietly slipped into the room from the back. nonetheless, it was hard not to notice their face brightening up. for that very moment, i felt so at home. i was back with my students. rather, i was back with my friends. unlike the check-in i conducted in the beginning of the course where i was the facilitator, this time round, i was a member. i joined in. i checked-in too. and it was so clear that the class was surprised yet very happy.

man... it was then that i realized how much i missed my job!

:-)

hose and fan

this evening, i was definitely not destined to clean or to fix things. you see, i have not washed the fan (the basket casing, the plastic blade, the back casing) for a couple of months and it had gathered lots of dust. and so with some time on my hand, i decided to disassemble the fan and wash the parts. slowly, i dismantled it part by part and brought them to the bath tub clean. and as usual, i'd use the shower hose to hose the dust off...

i took the shower head and i decided that since i was cleaning the fan, i might as well change the shower hose. you see, one end of my shower hose had leaked. been so for the longest time and i had procrastinated about changing it despite having bought the hose a year or so back. hmmm, and i thought, since i was in the mood to clean and fix things, why not change the hose to the new one too. and so, i went about getting the spanner, la la la... and after unscrewing all the ends and fixing up with the new hose, i realized the new one was too short to even reach the shower head holder. hmmm, changed it back. time to buy a new hose.

ok, back to the fan-cleaning. so, after refixing the shower head and the hose, i proceeded to clean the fan parts. first it was the cover, then the back... and with the completion of each part, i'd `gently' throw it onto my rug to dry. after hosing the plastic blade, i did the same. i threw it onto the rug. bloody hell, it landed onto the metal cover and next thing i knew, the blade broke! hmmmm... ok, never mind, i supposed a fan with 2 out of 3 blades should still function. perhaps less windy. so, i gingerly reassembled the whole fan. and when i switched it on, it started rattling slowly. and it got stronger. and then the whole fan started jumping as though it had a life of its own! argh! killed it before it starts killing me!

so where am i now? i need to buy a new hose and a new fan! ha ha ha!

:-)

the blue mansion

watched the blue mansion last evening. and i must say, i really enjoyed myself. the show itself surprised me. looks like glenn goei (the director) had really brought singapore productions up by quite a few notches!

:-)

dressing the dead

after we cremated the remains of our grandparents, we collected the ashes and had them installed in their final resting place in the choa chu kang columbarium. the niche booked was 2 blocks away from my dad's niche. the prayers carried out was similar to that of my dad when we installed him in his niche last year.

my brother had earlier gone ahead to get the niche cover designed and the photos of my granddad and grandma done up. he had asked for my granddad to be photoshopped with a suit and tie. as for my grandma, he chose a kebaya for her. i thought this was weird cos my grandma was a typical ah ma from china and not a peranakan nonya! anyway, i held my views as he seemed quite happy with it. similarly, my aunt did not comment about it other than laughing it off as my grandma being more fashionable. i stood by my belief that as long as everyone is happy, i will go with it.

yesterday, i learnt that my aunt had asked for my grandma's photo to be changed. apparently, she had gone home, thought about it and had a whole sleepless night. she was not comfortable with the fact that she was not able to recognise and identify with this new dress of grandma! so, upon her request, my brother has now started the process of getting a new photo done up!

reflecting, this whole process reinforces my belief that once a person dies, how we manage the whole process is not about the demised. rather, it is about managing the living. for the dead continues to live in the memories of the living. and in this living memory, the dead will continue to remain exactly how he/ she looked like, dressed like, their mannerism, their favourite food, la la la... and other than time, nothing else will be able to change this. time has this effect of blurring and eventually erasing one's memories... until he too, dies and fades away...

:-)

exhumation

wed was an interesting day for my aunt, my brother, my sister-in-law and i. we finally went to the choa chu kang cemetary to exhume our grandparents. and i must say, the whole affair was rather efficient.

the day started off early with me picking up my aunt at 6.30am before picking my brother and all joss sticks, joss papers etc. we arrived at the cemetary exhumation office just before 8am. already there was a short queue. but soon enough, our number was called and informed that we could proceed to make our final prayers at the graves of our grandparents.

it had been many years since i last visited their graves. and this time, i was acutely aware that it would be the last time seeing them there. and for that matter, the whole cemetary. and sure enough, when we arrived at my granddad's grave, there were already a few nearby graves that had already been exhumed. we quickly carried out the necessary prayers and proceeded to pay our last respects to grandma. hers was different cos the contractor had earlier asked for permission to start digging before we arrived. so when we reached there, we couldn't find her grave. instead, there was only a hole, shy of the coffin itself. after paying our last respects, we gave the contractor permission to proceed with the exhumation process and asked that our granddad be exhumed first. the gravedigger, a 70plus year old man, came forward and started the digging. we were told to look away at the first strike. for a 70plus year old person, he was one helluva digger. looking at the ground, it was more mud cake that had hardened over the last 40 years rather than loam. the gravedigger uncle told us he would take 3-hrs to reach the coffin. i was impressed but somewhat suspicious if it could really done. from my little experience in trench-digging years ago, i concluded that such a condition of the hardened mud would easily take a good healthy individual about 5-6hrs, much less an 70plus old man. nonetheless, we left him to do the digging and went for our breakfast before heading home to prepare for the afternoon prayers.

when we arrived back at granddad's grave at 1130am (some 3hrs later), there was no one in sight. i walked to the grave. and lo and behold, in front of me was a hole more than a person's height deep. and inside this hole was the old man, still digging away. he looked up and told he has had just reached the coffin and that we were in time to witness the picking of the bones. in fact, as we were talking, he held up a piece of black object and told us that that was my granddad's skull! within the next half hour or so, he managed to recover some skull pieces, some leg bones, a nylon sock that contained the foot bones (the toes etc) (unlike cotton, nylon is synthestic and do not decompose over time). the old man explained that my granddad had died too long ago and that most of the bones had already disintegrated. in all, i think we recovered less than 15% of my granddad. the bone fragments were quickly cleaned with chinese rice wine and wrapped in a plastic bag before we brought it for its final cremation. to do that, i had to offer a joss stick and used an umbrella to shield the bones from the sun (to protect the spirit of the dead).

the process was repeated for my grandma. we recovered more bones from my grandma, some 20% plus. we also managed to recover 2 socks that contained her 2 feet, a couple of her leg bones, parts of her skull, her silver ring, silver and jade bangles. it was interestingly that while most of her skull had disintegrated, we managed to pull out the piece of cloth that was tied on her forehead. this piece of cloth was still attached to a ball-shaped hardened clay structure of her skull interior that was formed when mud flowed into her skull after her soft tissues decomposed. again, we brought the remains to be cremated.

after lunch, we collected the remains and had them installed at the choa chu kang columbarium. the whole process took us a day!

interesting!

the great transformation

this is the book that i am reading now.

2/85 iocc - the start

we had 2 days off after our pop (passing out parade) before we had to report to changi commando jetty to get the details of our postings and our final dispersal from basic military training (bmt). reaching the jetty, we gathered in 3s as a platoon. as we had passed out, we acted cool. after all, we were no longer recruits. despite the fact that we were still lowly privates, the feeling of being no longer a trainee was intoxicating. yet, there was an air of apprehension. on one hand, we were all sad that we would be leaving each other within minutes, but on the other hand, we were eagerly looking forward to know where we were posted to. soon enough, the posting list came. one by one, my platoon sergeant called out. it was weird to hear us being addressed as private so and so... and it was understandably so after 3 long months of being addressed as recruit so and so.

and then my name was called, private sim, officer cadet school, 2/85 infantry officer cadet course, echo company. hurriedly, i made my way to this group of people that had already gathered at the `ocs' signage. there was an indian sergeant. he was smiling broadly, so broad you could really appreciate the stark contrast between the white of his teeth and the black of his skin tone. that was arthur leo. sergeant arthur leo to be exact. one by one, he smiled and welcomed us and asked us (very politely too) to load up the 3-tonner. he was such a damned nice sergeant. such a contrast from our sergeants in pulau tekong! heng ah! we thought! in no time, we were on our way from the eastern end of the island to safti where ocs was located (the place has been renamed `pasir laba camp' since 1995 when safti moved to safti military institute) in the west. the journey was one helluva long, yet none of us fell asleep (which was surprising). in fact, we were all so filled with anticipation about what ocs was like that we were all lost in our own thoughts.

that was jun 1985. that was the time when tuas was not even developed. nor was jurong west extension. or jurong point. or all the factories in tuas. the whole place in the western end of singapore was one helluva deserted. there were graves. there were small kampongs. there were small one lane public roads that were in need of repairs and that only sbs service 175 served. that was the state of affairs in jurong in those days...

in no time, we arrived at pasir laba camp/ safti. the gate looked huge. for all of us, it was the first time we actually stepped into a camp on mainland. and a camp that had a gate too! the 3 tonner drove into the camp. foxhound avenue the road sign said. we did not give too much attention to this signage. we did not know how foxhound avenue would come to be so etched into our memories over the following 9 months.

• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (1)
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (2)
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (3)
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (4)
• 1986 - 2/85 iocc (5)

hypertension no more

after the recent scare about hypertension, i'd stopped my medication (i was on nsaids - non-steriod anti-inflammatory drugs) and started taking my blood pressure and pulse rate 3 times daily. 

now, looking at the trend of the readings, i can confidently say i don't have hypertension! heh heh! my usual readings for my blood pressure had ranged from 70-80plus (diastolic) / 95-120plus (systolic). frankly, at times, i did think i might be having low blood pressure instead! but well, i was not too concern about that for these low readings were more exceptions than the norms. but there was a new discovery. my heart rate, that used to be in the range of 60s-70s, had constantly registered a range of between 80plus to low-90s. to me such a rate seemed a little fast. based on what i'd read, a range of 60-100 would be considered normal and the reading has to be above 100 to be considered fast medically. my pulse rates of 90plus was a little too close for comfort! so, i've started to intensify my exercise work-outs and do more brisk-walks. 

this should hopefully make me healthier and lower the pulse rate! 

:-)

the wedding & the wife

not been blogging recently. guessed i was lazy. rather, i did not feel any inspiration to do so. for that matter when i started writing this piece, i was still thinking of what i want to write. could this be a case of life being slow and boring? actually no, i don't think my life was boring over the last couple of weeks. in fact, the week past was rather interesting. then again, that was just one of the days in the week. i supposed it was just pure laziness coupled with insufficient events for me to write about.

it funny how i am writing and letting this topic evolve as i type. actually, i have just filled in the title of this blog before i start this paragraph given that i only manage to get a rough idea of what i want to focus on in this piece! heh heh. ok, i shall write about the wedding and touch a little about my bro's wife. not too much. but sufficient to capture my thoughts and first impressions

:-)

after these past months of gloomy happenings - death, sickness, etc - in the family, it was really a good break to have a wedding in the family. the mood was indeed celebratory despite it coming and going so bloody fast. you see, my brother introduced his then-girlfriend (now wife) to the family only 2 days before the day they were suppose to register their marriage. thus, my aunt and i ended up rushing to the goldsmith to buy our gifts for the bride in a rush on that night we learned of the news. and even before we got the opportunity to know her as a person, it was time for the registration of marriage! it was a simple affair followed by a late lunch at imm.

the whole affair came and went just like that!

and now when i visit my mum as part of my regular rounds, i have a new sister-in-law to greet me. the first post-rom encounter was ok. i had bought some nonya kuehs for everyone and she came out of the room, called me, and went to eat the kueh. then we chatted as i iced my mum's legs. and i promptly left after that. that was 2 days ago. yesterday, i got a call from my mum asking me what time i will be at her place as my sister-in-law misses me (that was my mum's exact words)... this sounded so bloody wrong! and my mum called me again earlier, saying the same. thank god i am gay and hope my brother still remembers i am. i am sure my mum was purely relating it as my sister-in-law, being new and bored with her new life in singapore had just asked about me cos she really has no one whom she can talk to at home. and without understanding this context, such words would surely result in some real serious misunderstanding in the family!

hmmm...

waking the dead

next wed, we (my aunt, my brother, and i) will be at the cemetary to exhume the remains of my paternal grandparents. it will definitely be an interesting affair. it's been 40 years since my granddad passed away (1969) and 34 years for my grandma (1975). if my memory serves me well, they were both placed in the traditional chinese coffins - the huge gold ingot shaped ones - that singapore had done away with some years back. this type of coffin has been known to withstand decay many decades after the burial. as such, it would be interesting to see what they look like now and the state of our grandparents' bodies - whether they are still intact, decayed, mummified or what...

and as i could sense, after all these years, we are more curious about how the bodies look like rather than emotional about having lost our ancestors. nonetheless, we are respectful in carrying out this tasks and ensure that they are exhumed, created and moved to their new resting place (which is in the next block to my dad's niche at the columbarium).

and as my aunt aptly put when she went to pay respects to my grandparents, she told them that they will be moving house from their current bungalow to new hdb flats.

:-)

brother's marriage

this week is gonna be more interesting than i can imagine. went to visit my mum yesterday and was surprised to see my brother home. the next thing i knew, a girl walked out of the bedroom behind him and he promptly introduced me as "his good brother" to her. i really did not know how to respond when i heard him call me that. not after all the years of hostilities.

and then, he told me that he will be marrying her tomorrow.

well, have heard of her from my mum couple of days back but never did i imagine him to be at home waiting to introduce her to me. she's from china, more than half his age. needs to get married in order to stay in country. cannot speak english, and so on. and he went on and on about how he hope to be able to visit china soon and that we should go there as a family with my aunt and so on... all happened too fast for me to even truly absorb everything.

i guess i am happy for him. as long as he is happy.

傻大姐

i am not sure why but the title of this song has been ringing in my head for the past few days. i used to be able to sing parts of it when i was a small boy. managed to pick up from my late dad who would sing this song almost daily back then. i think it was one of his favourite songs. in fact, even as an old man living with me during his last years, he would frequently hum this song aloud... listening to it reminds me so much of him...

:-)

together in electric dreams

this song, together in electric dreams was the unofficial company song for my company in the officer cadet school. that was echo company, 2/85 infantry officer cadet course (2/85 iocc) back in 85/86. we'd sing it during all the company events, mess gatherings, and so on! and we'd sing it with so much gusto, it was incredible!

:-)

i like chopin

this song was really popular during my bmt days. in fact, it was played during the company nite (if i recall correctly). i have loved it since!

:-)

sputnik sweetheart

this the book i am reading now.

dead calotes

omg, just came back from a brisk walk and i felt so guilty. you see, during the walk, i felt something brushed my right calf... i immediately looked down and saw a calotes lizard flipped upside down and started squirming... and then it stopped moving! apparently, the lizard was happily sunning itself on the footpath after a heavy downpour... la la la and then this huge 70plus kg foot of mine suddenly appeared from no where and came crashing onto it! i felt so bad... i stepped and killed a calotes lizard! and there was really nothing i could do about it! argh! and my fear of lizards prevented me from going back and giving it a good burial... today, for reasons unknown, my signs (ba zhi) and that of all reptiles seemed to clash! argh!

the lost symbol

just read the lost symbol, a book by dan brown, author of the da vinci codes. very good and interesting story. when i started reading, i could not put it down. but i thought he should have ended when the plot cleared and when the villian died. instead, he went on for a few more chapters about the symbol which was kinda an anti-climax.

:-|

meaty surprise

earlier, after breakfast with bee, we went to the supermarket to get some grocery. there was this corner where a lady had boiled some herbal concoction and asking customers to give it a try. as i walked pass her, she asked me to give the soup a try. i obliged and she promptly scooped a bit of the soup and a piece of meat for me. tasting it, i thought the soup tasted very rich. nice and fragrant. and the meat, hmmm, very tender and very nice too. noting my face of approval, she went on to peddle her goods and this was when she threw the bombshell.

nice right? the herbs very fragrant ya? and how is the meat? you know? this is crocodile meat. locally bred crocodile too, you can see the .... and she went on and on about the health benefits, etc etc etc...

i did not register her words anymore after she mentioned the word crocodile meat. my mind went blank. my initial thoughts of how nice and tender the meat was disappeared. my tongue felt numb. the fragrant aftertaste of the herbal soup turned bad. how the hell did i not check what meat i was before i ate it!

argh! well, i am very sure there are people out there who enjoy crocodile meat. or for that matter, turtle meat, snake meat, iguana meat la la la. but i am sure i am no fan of reptilean meat, no matter how healthy and beneficial it can be for me!

i politely tell her yes it is nice and frangrant and i walked away.

:-)

hypertension

two weeks ago, i visited the general practitioner (gp) for my regular check-up and to get a top up of my statins (for my high cholesterol). as a routine, he took my blood pressure. 142/85 (systolic/ diastolic pressure). hmmm... he checked back my previous records. the last one also registered a high-130/80-plus reading. hmmm again. a reading like this could be considered a mild case of hypertension. anyway, before he makes any decisive conclusion and put me on any medication, he suggested that i should get a home monitor to constantly measure my blood pressure. and he would review me again in nov.

i felt got a little disturbed. if my blood pressure was on the borderline, a warning like this would have conclusively moved me into the high blood pressure range! and so i got schneider to help me purchase the monitor (i should be getting it from him today). well... so, over the last weeks, when i go to the hospital for my ortho and physio appointments, i would make a trip to the pharmacy to check my blood pressure. last week was 140plus/ 80plus. yesterday, it was 150plus/ 90plus. i got more worried.

did some research into hypertension in the internet and found out that when one takes certain medication (including non-steriod anti-inflammatory medicine - or nasaids), one could experience hypertension (called secondary hypertension). and when i looked further, i realized that i am actually on such a medication! the exact one that i had been taking for my tennis elbow!

hmmm, now i am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea! take it and get hypertension, don't take it and i get elbow pains. after some considerations, i decided to take the middle path. continue my medication but on a lower dosage (for my tennis elbow), observe a low-salt, low-fat diet and increase my exercise (as a measure against hypertension).

hope this works!

:-)

updated travel list

need to update my trips around the world list again... :P

2009
jun/jul - australia (perth, cervantes, margaret river, augusta, walpole, denmark, pemberton, manjimup, albany, hyden, corrigin, york, fremantle, joondalup)
jul - malaysia (malacca)
sep - malaysia (malacca)

2008
jun - thailand (phuket)
oct - malaysia (malacca, kuala lumpur)
dec - malaysia (cameron highlands, malacca)

2007
apr - malaysia (malacca)
apr - china (beijing)
jun - australia (perth)
aug - vietnam (hanoi, haphong)
aug - indonesia (jakarta, bandung)
dec - china (shanghai)

2006
apr - malaysia (kl)
jun - australia (sydney)
aug - thailand (bangkok)
sep-oct - indonesia (jakarta, bandung)
oct - thailand (bangkok)
dec - china (hong kong)

2005
feb - thailand (bangkok)
mar - malaysia
may - thailand (bangkok)
jun - indonesia (bintan)
jul - indonesia (bintan)
sep - indonesia (bintan)
oct - malaysia (kl)
nov - malaysia (jb, malacca)
nov - indonesia (bintan)
dec - taiwan (taipei)

2004
feb - taiwan (kaoshiung)
mar - taiwan (kaoshiung)
jun-dec - states (florida, new york, illinois, etc)
dec - china (shanghai, hangzhou)

2003
jun - australia (sydney)
sep-oct - taiwan (taipei)
dec - s korea (seoul, sorat)

2002
jun - england (london, oxford, etc)

2001
mar - states (california [la, sfo], new york)
may - taiwan (whole)
may - malaysia
jul - states (san diego)
dec - malaysia

2000
jun - australia (sydney)
dec - indonesia (bintan)

1999
feb - indonesia (jember)
may - england (london, brighton)
jun - malaysia
oct - japan (tokyo)

1998
mar - malaysia
jun - malaysia
sep - new zealand (christchurch)
nov - new zealand (christchurch, auckland)

1997
jun - indonesia (bintan, batam)
jun - thailand (bangkok, pattaya)
nov - switzerland (zurich, lucerne), israel (jerusalem)

pre-1997
lots of places but mainly in asia. these include east and west malaysia (lost count), taiwan (lost count), hong kong (twice?), australia brisbane, sydney, melbourne (1994), thailand (bangkok, kanchanaburi, chiangmai, chiangrai) (lost count), indonesia (bintan, batam, jember, surabaya) (trice?), brunei (lost count), etc etc etc...

elbow physio

sometime last year, i had several bouts of bad elbow pain, the last being in oct 08 where i blogged about it. in all, i think i recieved 2 steriod jabs to manage the pain. the problem recurred again earlier this year and got better after i received another steriod jab.

and guessed wat? it came back again last month. in fact, it was so bad i could not use my right arm altogether. went back to the ortho specialist. she told me it was not advisable to do another jab and gave me some painkillers and medication to clear the infammation instead. i went back for a review last week and the doctor told me the same thing. he also asked me to try to endure the pain and that if i cannot take it anymore, i might want to consider an elbow operation. while i noted his response, i asked for him to refer me to the physio too. i reckoned i need some special advise about how i could strengthen my arms as i could feel it weakening drastically.

finally, i went to see the physio today. the physiotherapist was so nice as to really run thru all the things i do that could aggravate the pain. well, of cos my answer include things like doing housework, mopping the floor, etc, and all things that need me to bend my elbow. and it was rather funny to note that he actually has a mop-stick in his office and that he asked me to demonstrate to him how i mop the floor! heh heh... after some rather detailed investigation, he concluded that my pain was due to my muscle being out of alignment. but he assured me that it could be managed and that i should do some basic exercises and to continue icing my elbow before he starts the rehabilitation programme.

:-)

dentist

went to the dentist yesterday at the national dental center and had a little hole on my molar filled. well, to be more specific, more than a hole... actually, the tooth chipped off!

anyway, it was a rather good experience and the dentists were all very professional. i always appreciate dentists who are extra careful with your teeth and are sensitive to how you feel when you are in the dentist chair. but there is really one thing that i had consistently experienced and that i sometimes cannot understand - why do dentist also ask questions that patients, many a times, simply cannot respond? especially when their mouth are so wide open...

:-)

animal talk

i went to the swimming pool this afternoon and as i entered the toilet to change, there were 2 old men (think they should be in their 70s). they had just taken their shower and were chatting as they dried themselves. the conversation was certainly a very interesting one... it went something like this:

old man a: these days, life is so difficult. we really have no choice but to cho gu cho beh (be cow and horse - hokkien phrase describing one slogging away). and i think i am now like that, cho gu cho beh.

old man b: aiyah, what cho gu cho beh, i'd rather cho kau (be a dog).

old man a: eh? why want to cho kau. when you cho gu cho beh, at least you will be led around to eat. and as long as there are vegetable, you will be kept alive.

old man b: aiyah, when you cho gu cho beh, you only eat and eat and do nothing. at least when i cho kau, not only do i have food, i can still look after the house.

hmmm, very profound indeed. heh, heh... by that time, i had changed into my swimming trunk and as i walked out of the changing room, i reflected... hmmm, these are 70-plus years old men. and i supposed they know they do not have much time left. but based on their simple analogies, i really think there are some depth to what they said. one felt contented as long as he is looked after. and the other wants to make sure he is useful to others.

interesting...

:-)

mum's fall

yesterday, i got a call from mum telling me she had a fall. and when i visited her, i learnt from the domestic helper that mum had the fall when she (the domestic helper) was busy in the kitchen. apparently, it was early in the morning and mum had wanted to go to the toilet. and so, she got out of bed and walked to the toilet by herself.

and she was not careful and got her leg hooked onto her sarong and fell. in the process, she hit her chin on the toilet bowl and sustained a blood clot chin. and to top it off, she actually did not tell anyone about it and managed to pull herself up. in the process, she scratched her elbow and it bled. when the domestic helper came to the room, she found mum sitting on her wheelchair quietly. as for mum, she acted blur, as though nothing had happened.

it was later that morning that the domestic helper saw the blackened chin and the dried blood on mum's elbow. she got really worried. and she questioned mum. mum had no choice but to admit that she had had a fall that morning. interestingly, as i learnt from the domestic helper, mum asked her to keep the matter away from my brother as she knew my brother would not take well to it.

the domestic helper was smart. she knew she could not hide the wounds and the blackened chin from my brother. on learning of the fall, my brother indeed got angry and lectured my mum... well... anyway, i advised my mum not to try to move around herself. at least not until her condition has improved.

sighs...

ice packs

had been visiting mum almost on a daily basis these days. for that matter, mum has started to call me on my mobile and asking me to visit her. well, i am certainly not complaining about it.

in fact, i am rather happy that she looks forward to having me do the ice packs and helping her with her exercises. it was rather funny to hear her tell me time and again that when the domestic helper does the ice pack, the ice didn't feel cold and that she does not get the kind of relieve that she feels as compared to when i do it for her.

i personally think it is psychological but well, as long as it helps...

:-)

post op pains

have been visiting my mum almost once every two days these days. and during these visits, i would engage her and try to make her think. this is to keep her mind active and i think would slow the dementia process.

also, i would also ice her knee while exercising it. in a way, i was trying to encourage her to continue exercising and convince her that she will continue to experience pain a lot longer and worst still, become immobile if she do not continue with her exercises. and as i talked to her, i would exercise her knee and ice it at the same time. of cos, she would complain of pain. but i could see that she seemed a lot more co-operative in exercising her knee when i do the icing. and it helped. i could see that despite the pain, she had tried to keep up with her exercises and clearly, her efforts are paying off. despite the pains, her ability to bend her knees, to take small steps has improved tremendously over the last two weeks.

i do think if she keeps up with this, she should be able to take small steps in a month or two. i am not sure whether the pain will eventually be completely gone. but i am quite sure she will be more comfortable and would at least be able to be a little more mobile than she is now.

:-)

unemployed

when i tell people i am unemployed, they give me a weird and somewhat funny look. it was like as though the word unemployed is bad and taboo. and quickly, they would correct me and said oh, you are between jobs huh?!... and of cos, it seemed like they also expect me to feel embarrassed.

hmmm... seriously, what's the fuss about being unemployed? it is a fact isn't it? isn't that exactly what i am now? and i am certainly not embarrassed by it. then again, i supposed many people give me weird looks becos they had themselves tagged additional assumptions to the word. and i believe these assumptions include - retrenched, fired, undignified, useless, and so on.

interesting huh? words are just as they are - words. very factual and often very neutral. but it is often one's baseless assumptions, shaped by ones' experiences, that provide these words with the additional, and if i may add - inaccurate depth and meanings.

cognitive bias as a result of mental models.

sighs.

:-)

parkway experiences

the following were interesting things that we experienced in parkway parade over the past couple of days...

- people who spit from upper floors (kids in particular who thought it was fun).

- people who throw away 1 cent coin from upper floors.

- ladies who wear mini skirts and choose to stand beside the upper floor railings... hmmm, not a good idea.

- men who stand and stare down into woman's blouses from upstairs.

- bitchy management personnel who complain of all sorts of things.

interesting customers

'had been helping bee sell mooncakes at parkway parade and have come across lots of interesting people who behaved in the most bizarre manners and/ or asked questions that are outright `duh' or damned difficult to answer!!! let me share some of these here...

(customer took a look at the mooncakes) is your mooncake nice? (of cos la... as a sales person, who'd ever answer their things are not nice...)

(customer, after sampling a mooncake) hmmm, yes, it's very nice, very nice indeed... let me think about it... (customer walked one round, came back) just now i tasted your mooncake, after a while, i think it is not very nice. it seemed to have a little bitter aftertaste. why huh? (errr...) but never mind, give me one box... (hmmm...)

(customer took a look at the mooncakes and the pricings) hmmm, yes, this brand is from hong kong and it is very nice. you guys imported it huh? good good... but how come it is more expensive here than in hong kong? (errr... mooncake needs to take aeroplane. must buy aeroplane tickets wor...)

(customer took at look at the mooncakes and the cookies) hmmm... looks around... (we went up and greeted her and asked if she needed assistance) no, no, no, i know this is from hong kong. i have worked a long time in hong kong! so i know these products much better than you! (she said, half shouting, and she walked off...) (!!!)

(customer took at look at the mooncakes and the cookies) hi m'am, these are from hong kong (customer stared at us, rolled her eyes, gave us the "tai-tai-huh!!!" look and walked away) (!!!)

(customer, after sampling a mooncake) good good, give me a box of white lotus single yolk (showed her the box and the content) oh, good thanks (packed the box of mooncake and asked for payment) huh?!?!? i don't want!!! i don't want already!!!...(woman walked off hurriedly) (errr... bee said the customer was probably schizophrenic)

interesting ya? heh heh... then again, as sales staff, we just smiled, thanked the customers, and wished them a good day... i strongly believe that as customers, much as we demand service, we also need to recognise that when service staff tries their best, we should at least accord some form of respect and courtesy to them. a smile or a thank you would be a very good start.

...

ah lians ah bengs

have been selling mooncakes at parkway parade over the last week plus. and it was certainly a very good experience. i had opportunities to interact with the staff from the neighbouring stalls during moments when sales were slow. these are short term contract workers who have been roped in to sell mooncakes.

by speaking to them, it was clear that they are unlikely to move up the social ladder. they belong almost certainly to the very heartlander class of the singaporean society and they are often lesser educated, not too well-off and of course, are predominantly dialect speakers - hokkien to be specific. and they really believe that they only have to work very very very hard to succeed in life. and their definition of success is often narrowly defined as "getting rich". yet, due to their limitations (in education, and so on), get caught in the working class layer of the society. well, i am stating this not from a derogatory angle. rather, i am stating this in the most matter-of-fact manner.

then again, the few things that i really enjoyed interacting with them was the fact that they are very real, and very down-to-earth. they say what they want to say. they laughed. they joked. they smiled. very straightforward. very unpretentious and very sincere. and at times, it seemed like we are all the underdogs of the society. hmmm... whether it is real or not, i am not sure, but certainly, i can say they have excellent work ethics and exhibit a own set of values that we do not often see amongst people of the `upper-class' (hmm... sounds rather atas here). camaraderie, discipline, hard-working... just to name a few.

reflecting, when they were young, they were mostly the people that we brand as ah lians and ah bengs in singapore. and of cos, very often, we (myself included admittedly) do not want to associate ourselves with them for doing so would be kinda embarrassing as they were considered uncouthed, loud, and often of bad background. they are now in their mid-thirties or older. and as they are lesser educated and not computer-literate, they avoid the computer (and the internet). and in doing so, missed out on the information and knowledge age and this contribute to the further alienation from the society... and of cos, they continue to spiral downwards in the society. but from my observations, a few things i could say for sure - they are damned hardworking, damned bloody conscientious in their work, and have damned bloody excellent good work attitude. they worked hard minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, just to get that meagre pay (for some as little as $5 an hour) to sustain their family. and i give them my respect.

frankly, interacting with them reminds me of my own parents generation and the good old kampong days. it was those similar work ethics that managed to provide me and my siblings through our education and our lives. this feeling made me feel kinda warm and kinda close to them. and i wish them well and that their children would benefit from their hardwork as i did my parents.

:-)

blood pressure

went for my routine health check today. blood pressure is a little high. been asked to keep track of my blood pressure on a regular basis and to go back again for a follow-up check in 8 weeks time.

otherwise, everything else seemed pretty fine.

:-)

meditation class

today, i started my meditation class with schneider. bee was busy with the mooncake selling and couldn't attend. and i really found the class very good. never ever had a buddhist shi fu (venerable) ever been so smooth in her delivery before. the nun was also able to make everyone comfortable and relaxed. it didn't matter if we did not have any experience in meditation for she started from the basics. we were taught about correct breathing techniques and sitting postures.

and for our homework, she asked us to do two things - talk less, and don't rush. simple things to make us more aware of ourselves (mindfulness) and in doing so, calm our minds.

i thought she was very good!

one summer night

omg!!! i actually found this song in youtube! it's one of my earliest favourite pop song that was hugely popular during my childhood days! been looking for the album for many years...

:-)

first step

have made my first step in my job search this morning.

managed to brushed up my resume and have sent it out for a job opening. really, not expecting anything out of this, but i thought it was a very good first step to have my resume done!

:-)

selling mooncakes

have been helping out bee in selling mooncakes at the parkway parade shopping center over the past few days... erm, ok, ok not really selling but rather, in placking, unpacking, accounting, displaying and so on. but whenever the opportunity allowed, i'd try doing some promoting. but being unfamiliar with the product, i could only do as much as smile and give a brief superficial introduction.

today, and given that bee was at work, i decided to drop by to reinforce james. and i must say there were really lots of opportunities given that the evening crowd was quite good. i decided to try doing the selling proper and went about memorizing the products. before i knew it, a guy came along. after some introduction, i was able to sense his interest in buying. but as he could not decide on which flavour to take, i recommended the premium assortment pack to him. frankly, i was trying my luck as the assortment pack was not really moving very fast today. and what do you know! he actually took my recommendation and asked for 2 boxes on the spot!

heh heh, my first sale! it certainly felt good.

well, i am having fun at the moment. not too sure if this is gonna be something i want to do in the longer term. but of cos, to help out is something that i think i can do. for now.

:-)

双人相梦

have been looking for this song 双人相梦 by 年少之岛 (方炯镔&黄启铭) for the longest time ever. over the last weekend, as i was talking about it casually while on our way to melaka, damien was able to identify the name of the group and finally found the song in the internet!

so happy!

:-)

melaka again

made another trip to melaka over the hari raya puasa aidil fitri holiday with schneider and damien. nothing fanciful, just to chill off and to take a break from singapore. and i must say my melaka trip this time round revolved around eating and shopping. nothing much. but i enjoyed it. the company was good. and we were all very relax.

frankly, when we started off thinking of going for a holiday, we toyed around with locations such as hong kong, taiwan, etc. but given the need to syncrhonize our schedules and manage our budget, we ended up with melaka (again!). then again, it seemed a natural choice as we all liked melaka quite a bit.

melaka is a very nice place. not too fast, not too slow... and apart from the cheaper ringgit, the proximity to singapore is certainly a very good plus factor. of cos, there are disadvantages of heading to somewhere close like melaka. for example, one cannot really get out of the `òut of singapore' mentality. for that matter, when in melaka, my `guesstimate' was that more than half of the guests in the hotel was singaporeans! and i even met my coursemates, and ex-student there!

really, if given a choice, i'd prefer to go somewhere far, somewhere cold, somewhere where i cannot be recognized. and where i can just totally totally blank off and be myself, or for that matter, be naughty! and better still, head off for a holiday alone. this way, there will be no pressure to conform, no pressure to consult your travel partner (where to eat, where to go, when to go, what to do and so on). and certainly when alone, i can choose to go anywhere i want - explore by myself, experience things without feeling constraint. having said this, i am also sure i will miss having people around me. having people to look out for me. having people to fuss about. heh heh. i sound so contradicting. well... i must be tired.

anyway, such places are hard to come by when one does not want to spend too much.

:-)

empty thoughts

i've been rather lazy in my blogging lately. it's so un-me to be like that... well, at least, un-me as compared to last year. anyway, i have been rather busy lately. and of cos, i was busy in a rather nice way - meeting up with friends for dinners and heading off for holiday over the hari raya weekend...

talking about dinners with friends, i had dinner with tai last week. it was a dinner that had been postponed since a couple of weeks back. it was also our first time meeting up. and well, i must say, it was a very good meeting. have not really sat down and speak with someone (anyone for that matter) for a long time. and it certainly made me feel good. it made me feel alive.

being with people, talking to people, interacting with people... they all have this beautiful effect of making one feel alive and connected. well, at least for me for i am usually a rather quiet person who'd rather keep to myself. not that it is not good. but when one keeps to himself too long and too often, he goes into this state where he begins to live in his own world. and he becomes somewhat like a zombie. all things comes to a stand still. and that is not good at all. so... before i become a zombie, i better start to re-connect myself into the society!

:-)

feelings

feelings... nothing more than feelings... nice song, even nicer ad.

haha!