outward vs inward

outwardly, i looked as normal as i usually did. but inwardly, i was totally messed up. i supposed people who interacted with me often enough could sense a change in me but obviously you didn't. or perhaps you simply took it that i was just simply being difficult.

time and again, i struggled with myself and have kept asking if i had been unfair to you in my behaviour whenever you travel overseas, but another side of me kept asking why you just could not seemed to consider me a little more. and why couldn't you sense my needs. added to that, i don't think it is unreasonable for me to expect you to touch base with me when you are overseas. you cannot expect me not to worry about you, you cannot expect me not to wonder if you are ok. if you have me in your thoughts, such messages will come naturally.

and when i ask that of you, we always end up with you chiding me for being unreasonable, and simply tell me off by saying things like "i cannot help it if you see things or think things this way".