sore & confused

i am still feeling very sore about bee leaving for bkk. i may not be christian and i do not celebrate christmas, but still, i do wish to be able to spend christmas with my family. and i have considered him as my family.

i have once again asked if i should just end this relationship. he has time and again, repeatedly tell me of his visits last minute. and all the time, he said it was for work. and all the time, it coincided with public holidays. and this time round, it happened again. and he had anticipated my hostile reaction. 

but this time round, it was to pray. and to relax. not work. he has a choice, he admitted. but he chose to go. this despite knowing i had to undergo gastroscopy (before i found out it was a consultation). 10 years ago, i experienced a similar incident with james. he chose his work over my health. he refused to accompany me for my brain scan. that incident shook me really hard.

looks like history has some what repeated itself. 

i am confused.