bad dream

i have insomia once a while and over the last month or so it returned, very much worse. my sleep pattern has been such that i would fall asleep, doze off, wake up about 10-15min later, stay awake for half hour or so, doze off again, wake up 10-15min later and the pattern repeats through the night. this has been so for quite a while and especially bad over the last month plus where sometimes i would stay in semi-asleep state through the night, mind fully awake and full of thoughts.

i went to see a doctor 2 days ago and was prescribed valium. i slept well after taking it and i thought, perhaps i should try sleeping without valium last night. i tried very hard to keep my mind free of stuff by keeping myself busy. and i had started yawning at about 12mn and thought that was a sign of my ability to sleep. indeed, i manage to doze off quite quickly. but alas, in less than 15min, i was shaken up by a dream. a very dark (literally) dream.

it went this way...

i was with someone (don't know who) in my car and we were driving into a dark multi-storey carpark. i did not know where this carpark was and why we were there. for reasons unknown, the car's headlights were off. and the whole carpark was unlitted. we reached the top of the car park and this person and i walked out. there was a strong sensing that there were people looking at us walking although we could not see anyone as it was pitch dark. it reminded me of the brunei forest when i trained there many years back. we continued walking.

and next thing i knew, we were in a labyrinth where there were many narrow walkways and corners. the walls of the maze were high and the walkways were long and never-ending. it was not pitch dark in the maze. there was some ambient light. but it was very dim. again, we sensed people around us, looking at us. and one point in time, this person i was with decided to walk away and i was left alone. i was afraid, this person was no where in sight. i looked for him frantically. but he could not be found.

next thing i knew, many dark figures appeared at the corner and started pouncing onto me and tried to grab me. instinctively, i whipped out my laser gun and shot at them. one by one these black figures fell. and as they fell, the red burning edge of the ambers that crept on their bloodied flesh, not unlike the burning ambers of a burned joss paper, illuminated the walkways. the eerie red glow revealed innumerable other black bodies rushing towards me. frantically, my eyes continued to scan the surrounding for the person who was with me, but he had left me and i could find him no more. with so many black figures rushing towards me and with no place to hide, i ran and ran and ran... and as i ran, i turned back and waved my laser gun and just shoot and shoot blindly... the black figures gave chase and soon enough, they caught up with me, and as they pounce onto me...

i woke up. my heart was pounding furiously.

i couldn't sleep anymore after that.

i took my valium again.