self-indulgent

was at a friend's place for tea yesterday and i recalled him telling me that his blog was a little too self-indulgent. when i read it, i was like - ooooo, come on... that was nothing compared to my blog... in fact, compared to what he blogged, mine would be considered self-obsession... haha... i guess many of us (or perhaps all of us) tend to be very self-centered. we always see things from the "me, me, me" perspective (and that is very riz low and very singaporean). and ever so often, there would be this tendency to be attached to our own self-ego, our face, etc.

reflecting on my past couple of weeks, i acknowledged i had been too engrossed in my own self. i did things to people, and for people to make myself happy. and i get upset when people gets angry/ when my expectations were not met. i end up blaming myself. and i see this pattern being repeated in the context of work, personal life, home, etc... eg when my boss get angry with bad results, he did not see my efforts, he saw my failure, and i get upset, i see it as a failure on my part, etc when i do things for people, i expect returns, when i do not get the returns, my expectations were not met, i get upset, the returns did not commensurate with my efforts. crux of all these was - my ego was bruised.

bottom of it all was - it was about me. that is no good at all.

yes, i have to rise above all these. there are always ways to see things from a half-full perspective rather than a half-empty perspective. in the context of work, when you have done your best and things still fail, you must accept that it could be a system issue, legacy issue, etc and not necessarily be becos of you. key to it all is the fact that i must try to remove the element of "self" if all these equations. it is not about being irresponsibile, rather, it is about trying my best. and as long as i have tried my best, i should not and must not expect any returns to feed on my ego.