was at bugis and as i browsed around the stuff, it struck me... i really have no interest in anything! really. nothing interests me at all! not the clothes, not the displays, not the toiletries, not the perfumes... in fact, really really nothing at all! i felt really really detached from all these things. everything seemed so materialistic to me... and in a weird way, i really really felt i have lost all sense of interest in the world, in my life, in the things around me.
it felt weird. for that moment, the thought of withdrawing from the world struck me. for that moment, i wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. for that moment, i thought - hmmm... perhaps i should just enter monkhood and detach myself from all worldly things...
it seemed that all positive energies have disappeared.
what is happening to me?
ps: the thought of monkhood is real, but the motivation of wanting to be a monk becos i have lost interest in things is really wrong. no?
it felt weird. for that moment, the thought of withdrawing from the world struck me. for that moment, i wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. for that moment, i thought - hmmm... perhaps i should just enter monkhood and detach myself from all worldly things...
it seemed that all positive energies have disappeared.
what is happening to me?
ps: the thought of monkhood is real, but the motivation of wanting to be a monk becos i have lost interest in things is really wrong. no?
7 comments:
we all got a period of time like this, try to look at it, personally, i believe that it will pass, as your mind is just too burden be.
thanks wizard... regret the negative energies of my blogs these pass days... feeling really out of sorts.
Yup, the reason is so damn wrong. I would be happy for U if it's for the correct reason.
Withdrawal is not the way to escape.
Sam
i can totally feel you jeff, you are not the only one losing all sense of interest in the world. just yesterday, i was a victim of a robbery. it happened in a townshop pharmacy right below my apartment. the poor pharmacist and her apprentice were screaming for their lives. and me? i was just sitting on the stool, unaffected, totally numb and thought to myself; oh a robbery... uh huh. the only thing that crossed my mind were whether the robbers are efficient enough to make sure i die from the stabs of their 12" long knives if i retaliated? this may be a good chance to die...
hmm.. i shud blog about this.
sam: i know the motivation at this point in time is wrong. totally wrong. but it is a fact that i had thought about joining the sangha. perhaps the time is not now.
cp: oh no, bad experience. sorry to hear about that. glad you are ok.
remember,u still have the best in you
thanks for the encouragement wizard. appreciate it.
Post a Comment