i had been on leave since yesterday. and i will only head back to work after christmas. had planned my leave such that i would be able to have a long stretch of unbroken break to catch up with myself and to spend time with people that mattered most to me. but i guessed things did not turn out the way i wanted it to. one disappointment after another. it makes me depress. sighs...
and i was damn fucking bored today. and boredom has this very negative effect on my mind. my mind started wondering. and it added on to the depressed state of mind that i had been feeling since last evening. an idle mind is certainly a devil's playground. so, i decided to bleed and mutilate myself. no, what i meant was - go for my regular blood test and my haircut. need to check my cholesterol and sugar levels. and for my haircut, decided on a very very short hairstyle. well, not bald per se. but i need to do something, something to purge myself of whatever fucking depression that i have. going for a super short haircut has this cathartic effect on me. to a certain extent, it helps purge whatever psychological and/ or emotional pent-ups i have. to some people, the hair is a symbol of vanity. it adds on to the whole idea of self-ego. but to me, to be able to rob and destroy this very idea of vanity and self-ego/ self-pride actually contribute to my sense of self (ironically). in a way, i am in control and i have the power to destroy myself. hmmm, ok a little too dramatic.
anyway, the hairdresser was surprised when i told her, zero, go zero as much as you can. for the top, maximum i want is number 3. nothing more. and that was what she did... brrrrrrrrrr.... zip zap zip zap. clumps of hair started falling off my head. and in no time, i started feeling the cold aircon breeze blowing onto my scalp. my scalp started to go a little numb. i also felt lighter, literally, emotionally, psychologically, and all...
i walked out of the barber feeling a little better. not much, but still, better.
and i was damn fucking bored today. and boredom has this very negative effect on my mind. my mind started wondering. and it added on to the depressed state of mind that i had been feeling since last evening. an idle mind is certainly a devil's playground. so, i decided to bleed and mutilate myself. no, what i meant was - go for my regular blood test and my haircut. need to check my cholesterol and sugar levels. and for my haircut, decided on a very very short hairstyle. well, not bald per se. but i need to do something, something to purge myself of whatever fucking depression that i have. going for a super short haircut has this cathartic effect on me. to a certain extent, it helps purge whatever psychological and/ or emotional pent-ups i have. to some people, the hair is a symbol of vanity. it adds on to the whole idea of self-ego. but to me, to be able to rob and destroy this very idea of vanity and self-ego/ self-pride actually contribute to my sense of self (ironically). in a way, i am in control and i have the power to destroy myself. hmmm, ok a little too dramatic.
anyway, the hairdresser was surprised when i told her, zero, go zero as much as you can. for the top, maximum i want is number 3. nothing more. and that was what she did... brrrrrrrrrr.... zip zap zip zap. clumps of hair started falling off my head. and in no time, i started feeling the cold aircon breeze blowing onto my scalp. my scalp started to go a little numb. i also felt lighter, literally, emotionally, psychologically, and all...
i walked out of the barber feeling a little better. not much, but still, better.
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