dementia

these days, i constantly worry about my mum - a person with dementia who is at the same time suffering from paranoia and depression. at work, whenever i call her handphone and it is not on or she does not answer, i will drop all things and rush home. and often when i reach home, i will find her either throwing tantrums or that she had switched off her handphone. and when i am at home, she will keep asking me about this and that and many a times, the questions are all very illogical and repetitive. it can get very irksome and can really get to me. also, her fear of people wanting to harm her is totally illogical. she needs to close and lock all doors, even at my 6th floor, she suspects people will climb into the house from downstairs. it's very tiring.

at times, i really hope this phase of dementia would quickly pass and that she will hit a state where she will just keep quiet. then again, i am simply venting. can really die if i were to go through all these nonsense of hers day in day out and many a times, i really do not want to come home. to have a home that i cannot come back to is something not many people can understand.

sighs...