chatted with a long time friend yesterday and he shared with me that he would be meeting up with some people for sex. and interestingly enough, some of the people he will be having sex with are attached and their partners are ok with it. so i thought i'd write something about the different types of relationships i have come across thus far in my 15 over years of experience as a gay person...
- one-night-stands (ons) - no strings attached. purely sexual. 2 parties come together to fulfil each other's sexual needs and that's it. not further contact. anyway, for some people, ons's do develop to many night stands, eventually leading to more in-depth relationships such as fuck buddy, or others as described below.
- fucky buddy/ sex buddy - no strings attached. 2 parties come together to fulfil each other's sexual needs. no emotions involved. the responsibility of one party to the other is to be there when the other party has the need to fulfil his sexual urge.
- friends who have sex - no strings attached. parties involved are friends but are comfortable enough to have sex. nothing pre-arranged nor are there any specific obligations to each other where sexual gratifications are concerned. if it happens, it happens. similar concept may be seen in persons who may be of differing age/ social status such as those seen in goddad/ godson, godbro/ godbro, bff/ bff, etc relationships.
- strictly monogamous - strictly one-on-one (100%) (also referred to by some as true monogamy [in which case, i cringed cos it suggests there are "untrue" monogamy... haha]) where sexual relationship are concerned. such a relationship is idealized by the straight world and that everyone claims their relationship is. and incidentally, such a relationship is what most couples claim they are having. then again, whether their relationship is really strictly monogamous or perceived strict monogamy, i am not sure. frankly, my personal opinion is that this is overrated and that this type of relationship is something new lovers/ couples try to impose on themselves. but as a whole, i think it is quite rare (and i dare say even amongst straight people).
- monogamous - one-on-one where sexual relationship between a couple. however, there could possibly be moments of folly and ons are sought once in a blue blue moon. key to this (as opposed to the one below is that the attitude of each party towards sex is still inclined towards being wholly faithful to his partner sexually). this is probably prevalent amongst most people who especially in their early few years of their relationship.
- don't ask, don't tell - supposedly one-on-one but generally don't ask further and leaving the opposite party the flexibility to do as he pleases (in a way, some will call it semi-monogamous). i think this one is most prevalent amongst gay couples who are very stable in their relationship. and so, whether the other party seeks sex outside the relationship or not become immaterial as long as he comes home to his partner.
- part-open relationship - going a little further than "don't ask, don't tell" (well, if you ask me, the line is very grey). but put simply, one party kinda knows the other is having sexual relations with others outside the relationship but choose to leave it as it is as he is confident that these are just no strings attached flings, and that his partner will come home to him no matter what.
- (fully) open relationship - both parties openly acknowledge and accept that sex is a need and that they are ok for both to openly seek sexual gratification from outside the relationship as long as they do not get emotionally involved and that they come home to each other. i do know friends who are in such relationships and are very comfortable about it. and interestingly enough, they do practise safe-sex as part of the so-called responsibility to their partners. interesting right?
- 3-way relationship - there are 3 persons in the relationship. this is a tricky and often difficult one given that it is not often that one can treat the other 2 equally, and even if one can, there is nothing to stop the other two from perceiving that was not the case. and so, very often one of the three will get jealous and eventually the 3-way relationship falls apart.
- 4-way relationship - as above, except that it now involves 4 persons. lagi more tricky...
i would also like to propose further that these different outcomes in relationship type is a true reflection of the human natural sexual instincts and that also exists similarly in the straight world. the only difference in the straight world is that much of these are hidden and not spoken of and that almost all of these are hidden behind the so called institution of marriage (which to me is a little too simplistic and naive). of course, what i wrote above is only about the possible relationships amongst men. i have not even started on bisexuals, transexuals, etc... things will get super complicated with we go there... mmf, mff, mmft, mfft, mftt, etc hahaha...
right?
ps: and for the curious few who want to ask what is my relationship like with my bee, please don't. don't even bother. i won't answer. this post is meant to be reflective and not personal. most importantly, i do also want to observe a certain level of privacy about myself/ me and my bee.
picture from http://aisforteenagedream.blogspot.com/2011/06/power-of-relationship.html
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