mega-events by singapore

somehow i no longer get excited about national day parades or anything mega that government agencies organized - including the youth olympics. in fact, i have felt rather numbed about such government-agency organised rah-rahs since mid-2005. it is not a case of me not feeling proud that we are organising these events or that these events are not sufficiently mega to excite me. mega events still make me choke. but the source of this was more of the mega-ness/ grandeur rather than a case of national pride. for example, i got choked when i watched the beijing olympics opening. and it was because it was damned freaking grand. i felt proud to be chinese and it felt so good to see china showing her power to the world. as for ndp, nope, i had stopped watching it altogether. not worth my attention. not worth my time.

a huge part of me died on the day i was outed by mindef and after the whole trauma i went through, my feelings towards singapore and anything within the governmental system, or organised by such agencies simply died... all the nationalistic pride, all the propaganda about one country, etc etc etc... it's all a whole lot of bullshit... so yup, national day parade is coming. youth olympic is coming. i will certainly not be watching the national day parade. and if i do watch the youth olympic, it would be because is an inaugural international event and not because it is something i should be proud of as a singaporean. this was something i reflected last evening and thought i'd capture it here. do i sound contradicting?

anyway, just my mind wondering again on this saturday afternoon.