we all have defining moments in our lives. these may include the day we fell in and out of our puppy love, weddings, deaths, health issues, and so on. and often, these are shaped by things that matter to us. these are often experiences that destabilizes us at our very most fundamental levels. for those of us who cannot accept it and move on, we perish. but for those of us who are able to destroy old mindsets and beliefs and focus our efforts to accept, redefine and re-built, we emerged stronger. yet, we got scarred through the process. we emerge more jaded. we learned to protect ourselves. we built our defences. we create protective zones. we change our mindsets. we ended up seeing things with tainted lenses.
ok... not too sure how i want to continue. too dense now. wanted to write about why i have not recited the national pledge since 2005 but well... let's just move on. these days, ndp, yog, mega-government agency conducted events continue to excite me becos it is mega and not because i am a singaporean. it's the same in my previous job where i conducted myself to my best as professionally as i could for myself and not because of the organization. hmmm... ok. shall stop here. let's enjoy the saturday evening.
:-)
ok... not too sure how i want to continue. too dense now. wanted to write about why i have not recited the national pledge since 2005 but well... let's just move on. these days, ndp, yog, mega-government agency conducted events continue to excite me becos it is mega and not because i am a singaporean. it's the same in my previous job where i conducted myself to my best as professionally as i could for myself and not because of the organization. hmmm... ok. shall stop here. let's enjoy the saturday evening.
:-)
3 comments:
Don't know how to put it. Sometimes I find that it's not that you can't let go of the past, but you insistent on "that being the way it should be from onwards" mentality.
If you watch, it does not implay anything. If you did not, it also does not mean anything.
Why not just follow your heart and BE HAPPY.
Sam
heh heh... perhaps i am just human. "be happy" as in being in a current state of happiness or "be happy" as an aim? well... that is something that oscillates to and fro depending on which state of mind i am in. that kinda imperfection reflects the very human nature of me. and i am precisely writing it here becos i want to "be happy".
having said that, letting go it's easier said than done although i choose to think i have managed it very well. it was not easy to commit more than half my life to an organisation as professionally as i ever could and to have it turn against me and have someone humiliate me for something that is not my fault and ask if i could ever be professional about my 20-over years. that kind of feeling is something that no one can imagine and no words can sufficiently express.
then again, i have tried very hard to put it away and i think i have done it relatively well. but i can say, it is every year when major events like this come around that reminds me of "the system" and that makes me think about my defining moment again. and writing it here is a way for me to let that tension go. and i say again, writing it here is my way of wanting to "be happy".
and so, please just ignore my such reflections.
:-)
Think you have done pretty well in the way you handle your previous org.
Such forgiveness is something I cannot imagine myself having. It is also one of the reasons I admire you so much.
Reminds me of the character in the book "Heaven & Earth". :)
Sam
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