12km...

i just ran 12km. heh heh... well, i actually surprised myself. wanted to do a long run to burn away all the food i had over the past few days. kinda felt guilty about it but had not planned for 12km per se. nonetheless, i just ran and ran and ran. and by the time i completed the full route, my runkeeper registered 12km. heh heh... and i was like oh wow... 

interestingly, as i ran, i thought of lots of things. work, friends, life in general, blanking off, and of cos, the number of calories i'd be burning. and was kept crossing my mind was - 1 kueh tart is equivalent to about 65-70 calories. so, if my run can burn 1000 calories, i would be able to burn about 14-15 kueh tarts... and this kept my mind occupied. it took away the boredom away at times. and it was rather meditative i must say. so, in the end, i completed 12km. this is equivalent to about 920 calories or 13-14 kueh tarts. 

haha!

ps: but well, i realized i had blisters on my middle toe after the run! aiyoh... the last time i had blisters was more than a decade ago!

picture of pineapple tarts from http://singaporecoupons.blogspot.sg

an omg-moment!

this morning, i had an "omg-moment". i got an email from someone. and it was not just anyone, but someone from my primary school! yup! primary school! that was like almost 40 years ago! in his attempt to reconnect with old friends, he had googled my primary school name and eventually found his way to my blog. and despite my not reflecting too much of my name in this blog, he managed to deduce my identity! heh heh...

but i must confess. initially, i felt a little bewildered. the email i received had a name that comprised an english name and a surname. the structure of the name and the name itself did not click. in fact, such names were not very common during those days. but when i opened and read the email, the sender identified himself and spelt out his full chinese name. and he went on to mention a couple of other names, i was like - omg omg omg... these were names from my distant past! and for that moment, i had lots of flashbacks! i felt like a little boy all over again! haha!

i replied the email quickly and by afternoon, we had exchanged our numbers and spoke over the phone. man! it felt good. 

lol!

of kisses & smooches

i shall write a short post about kissing in this entry. 

recently, i watched a tv serial where the girl was superbly health conscious. or rather, she's superbly cleanliness conscious. well, not ocd per se, just super super cleanliness conscious. and in one particular episode, during a date, her boyfriend wanted to kiss her and she freaked out and said that she would be exposed to millions of bacteria from her boyfriend. haha... it was quite funny, although true (see this link about kisses). but really, if we were to be so conscious about such things, then we might as well forget about living right? heh heh. then again, i must say here that there are a few things related to smells, hygiene and habits that you need to observe when lip-locking...

• if you are a smoker, gargle and rinse with a mouth wash before you kiss, smokers' breathe and the taste of smoke/ nicotine can be very uncomfortable, especially to non-smokers.

• bad breath can be very unbearable... 'nuff said.

• and associated with bad breath is bad body odor. body odors can kill! nothing beats getting yourself a nice and fresh before you kiss/ engage in intimacy with someone. and this includes wherever possible, to take a nice shower! especially after you run, or worst still, if you are heavily obese and exude a strong smell.

• also, if you have dry mouth/ dry chapped lips, chances are you also have bad breath, please please hydrate, drink and gargle. worst still, imagine kissing and smooching halfway and it starts to bleed. eeks!

• when you french kiss, don't suck like there's no tomorrow! you don't want to suck the life out of the person you are kissing. play with your tongue. make it wet! wet kisses are so erotic! but certainly, don't leave a wet floor of drools... heh heh.

• and remember, when french kissing - don't suck until you taste blood. we need lovers, not draculas in this world! haha...

• nibble sensitively if you wish to, it can be rather fun, but don't bite (especially when you french kiss)! arghhhh... 

• if you have cold sore, stay far far away. last you want is to infect your partner with it! 

• if you have mustache, for goodness sake, trim... last thing you want is to have the hair stuck between your teeth. having a by-the-way tooth flossing is fine, but imagine the hair getting stuck (or worst still, hair from the nose or even lagi worst, hair from down there) in between your teeth, aiyoooooooh!

• and if you want to have something in your mouth to freshen your breath, eg chewing gum, mint, etc... get rid of it before kissing. the last thing you want is to have someone choke on it halfway through...

and as a final point, it is always a good idea to eat a lot of fruits (especially citrus fruits) and drink lotsa water. makes everything about you fresh and oh, by the way, i read that it makes you (you know...) taste sweet too.

hahaha...

how was your lny?

"how was your lunar new year (lny) uncle?" that was a question posed to me by someone via whatsapp. well... it's a loaded question if you want to read deep into it. but as usual, i reply loaded question with an equally loaded answer. i said "i had a very uncle lny"!

heh heh... then again, really, for many singles and that includes all glbts, lnys are something to be avoided. i mean, with the common questions related to "when are you getting a boyfriend/ girlfriend?", "when are you getting married?" etc, it has become somewhat of a terror festival. can't people just simply don't ask about such things during lunar new years? haha... then again, if people don't ask about such things, what else can they ask right? there are only so much people can talk about the rain and the clouds... so questions related to first son, to second son, to third son (and daughters) will invariably come into the conversation right? so, it was for such reasons that many single people hide themselves from visiting relatives or visit relatives... well, perhaps it is ok and perfectly fine when one is young, but when one gets into the mid-20s, hmmm...

as for me, i do enjoy such gatherings. and over the years, i have learned to dodge such questions. my answers to questions from aunties about "when am i getting married" will include lines like "oh, when my turn comes, i will sure invite you one..." or "aiyah, don't ask me la, your son also not married what? so when is he getting married?" or "when your son get married, i will also get married lor" (for that record, my cousin's gay too so i know i will not be treading into deep waters with such answers)... and of cos in recent years, "aiyah, nowadays getting married is no longer in fashion! my mum always says in future got someone to look after me, who knows, in future i will have to look after her instead..." and then i will laugh it off. so...

anyway, back to the question "how as your lny uncle?", well, frankly, i visited bee and a close friend. and today i brought my mum to visit my brother and to look after my nephew (he is such a bundle of joy at 2 months old!). that was it. otherwise, it was simply resting at home, watching tv and eating lny goodies. then again, lny is still not over yet. there are still 12 days to go. so... yup, tomorrow, we will be receiving the kitchen god from heaven (or at least, my brother will be doing it), this saturday (7th day of lny), we will be celebrating man's birthday by having yu sheng, and on sunday (8th day of lny), we will be celebrating the celestial god's birthday by making offering at midnight. and finally on the 15th day of lny, we will be having a small reunion dinner again before the lny celebrations formally ends. and as to the question about whether i receive any ang pows, yes i did. nowadays, i will not reject ang pows like i previously did. instead, i would accept it graciously when given. after all, there is joy in giving, there is joy in receiving, and i am sure i give people the joy and satisfaction to know that i am receiving what they offer right? 

so, how was your lny thus far?

haha... 

wrong lny greeting!

i get lots of sms/ whatsapp greetings from friends. and i do really really appreciate the fact that my friends remembered me and had send me well-wishes. thank you thank you thank you!

but frankly, i have my reservations about the content of many of the mass-send messages. you see, over the past couple of years, i have seen people getting really creative about these messages. they make use of words to create pictures, they use emoticons, etc. and in very recent months, i see an increased use of those self-made cartoons. truth be told, my hair stands when i listen to the screechy voice. eeeeeks! well, i must say that initially in the first couple of festivals, it was quite interesting to see all the different messages. very refreshing compared to the simple greetings, but nowadays, i look forward to simple greetings! mass send messages has become somewhat of a bore to me. too much of it and you feel irked by them, especially when they carry a lot of mistakes. and i noticed people have gone as far as to forward the messages they received without giving a hoot about what the content was... the following are 3 very glaring mistakes i see...

• forwarding messages without reading them and in the process, also forward the signature block of the person who had forwarded the message to them. i once got a message from a girl and at the bottom of the message, it was signed off by a guy and his wife!

• forwarding messages from previous year without realizing that the details were related to the year before. case in point was this year, year of the snake (蛇). i have gotten this message titled  蛇来了 from many people. this message has many 4-character phrases that depict some good auspicious wishes. and interestingly, the person who composed the initial greeting had duplicated the series of wishes 5 times and aligned them into a vertical chain such that when one scrolls the message quickly, the effect was that of a slithering reptile. but when you read closely, you will realize that there were at least 5 phrases that went "龙年吉祥" and the word "龙年" or "dragon year" suggests the message was meant for last year!

• forwarding messages from another country without realizing it. i suspect the message 蛇来了 (as mentioned above) originated from taiwan. this was becos i noticed there were some characters that looked suspiciously unfamiliar. i suspect they are characters invented in taiwan as part of their efforts to redefine/ simplify the chinese language. then again, my chinese is not that good and so i am not too sure if this was indeed so. nonetheless, i queried the girl (who smsed that message to me) about the origins of the message, she said she got it from a hong kong friend... haha...

so when i get such creatively composed messages, i refused to read them anymore. i simply delete them and reply with a "haha...". but of cos, i reiterate here - i do appreciate the fact that my friends remembered me and had send me a greeting. it was the content that i cringed. frankly, i feel that when one wants to send a greeting, one should do it from the heart. cos when you do it from your heart, you will vet and proof-read them, you will personalize them and you will sign it off well. after all, it is from no one else but you and you own it. for the above example, i initially wondered if i could also use it too. but i thought it wouldn't be nice to send out things i didn't vet through and whewed when i saw the mistake, i decided to simply delete it! lol! so, after all these experiences, i decided to simply send out a simple greeting. something that is personalized, and carry a simple greetings. something that is as simple as "dear jeff, happy lunar new year". and yup, i really appreciate such greetings, and i am sure you too.

:-)

re-cycled food

so, let's talk about lunar new year food...

i always find it interesting and rather ironic that we have excellent freshly cooked food for our reunion dinners. and then we eat all the left overs on the first day of the lunar new year, or for that matter, first 2-3 days. haha... then again, you cannot underestimate left over food. food that has been left over make the best dishes for rice after they are recooked again. in fact, many of the best asian cookings are food that had been stewed over and over again. just think about kong bak (stewed pork, hokkien style), chap chye (stewed vegetables, hokkien/ nonya style), bibimbap (rice mixed with stewed beef and assortment of vegetables, korean style), and for that matter, curry chicken that has been cooked over and over again! yummy right? haha... from another perspective, i think we asians (particularly, chinese) are one of the most eco-friendly people... we leave almost nothing behind. heheh...

but i would go further to posit that this is a result of environmental conditioning. a case of survival cos traditionally and historically speaking, before the invention of the refrigerators, many would preserve meats, vegetables, fruits, (through drying and the use of sugar/ salt/ wax/ etc) when winter approaches and eat them through the winter. in fact, as recent as in the 90s, i still see chinese people in their villages kill their pigs and hang them out to freeze just like how they dry their laundry! and with the coming of the lunar new years, or to celebrate the arrival of spring, they would bring out all the leftover preserved meats, stewed and soften them into delicacies and wallop them! after all, food kept through the moist weather of spring will likely spoil due to moulds and what have yous! so... 

but of cos, many of these practices had been retained despite the fact that many mainland chinese had migrated to warmer countries such as malaysia and singapore. so, here in my family, we continue to enjoy lup cheong (preserved pork sausage), stew our roast pork, chap chye, etc... haha! and so for lunar new year this year, it was simply food and more food! yup, jiak jiak jiak! i had roast duck, roast pork, steamed chicken, babi ponteh (nonya kong bak), steamed fish (must have cos fish or yu sound like abundance in chinese), tofu fried with leek (suan for prosperity, cos the word suan [or leek in hokkien] sounds like "count" or "count money")... of cos, some other common dishes that we used to have in recent years include curry chicken, ayam buah keluak, ngoh hiang, steamboat, etc etc etc...

so what did you have for your lunar new year reunion dinners and on the new year itself?

yums!

happy & ssssexy lny...

the chinese lunar year coinciding with the gregorian 2013 is the year of the snake, to be exact, the year of the black water snake.

frankly, i dislike snakes. it has been ingrained into my psyche since young that snakes are fearsome creatures. but i must mention that historically, or traditionally in the asian context, snakes have been featured as good and successful creatures. you can see lots of examples snakes being featured many hindu and buddhist stories in benevolent and altruistic acts. and across many parts of asia, especially south asia, it is clear that many have this fear yet deep reverence towards snakes. but this is not so amongst many people who, i suspect, are exposed to western cultures and/ or the christian religion. in christianity, the snake was featured as evil/ satan-manifest and was seen tempting adam to eat the apple, as was the snake/ serpent that was described in quite fearful details in genesis chapter 3, as well as the revelation in the bible. it was perhaps the depiction of the snake in such negative ways that created a less than positive impression of the snake amongst people. whatever the case, i have never liked snakes since young.

for the past, major incidents had happened during snake years. these include the sep 11 terrorist attacks 2001, tiananmen incident 1989, and so on. thus, the forecasts by many fengshui masters for 2013 is not as optimistic. as for me, i couldn't really remember how i felt 12 years ago during 2001, the last year of the snake, but for 2013, i can say i don't feel too excited about it. pictures of snakes still give me the creeps... so... it is with this fear that i cringed when i see lunar new year documentaries showing how people in northern asia flock to keep snakes as pets, make live snake offerings in temples, etc. and i feel somewhat uneasy when i get lunar new year greetings in sms/ whatsapp showing pictures of snakes. eeeeeee... talk about letting snakes into your house! but of cos, like it or hate it, the year of the black water snake is upon us. we have no choice but to embrace it. and since you can't wish it away, might as well make the best of it it (no matter how uneasy you might feel)... so here's wishing one and all a...

happy & ssssexy lunar new year!
* 新年快乐 *

first picture send to me via whatsapp by friends and second picture from http://www.kids-n-fun.com/Wallpaper/Chinese-new-year-widewcreen/6984/Chinese-new-year-widewcreen...

ps: jokingly, i tell people, rather that the picture of the snake tail and the masculine body, i'd rather have the snake (with the head of cos) of the male body... hiak hiak hiak...

pps: i had wanted to put a picture of a black water snake in this post but when i did a google image search and saw the pictures, i really cringed and decided to use a picture of 2 mandarin oranges instead... 

reunion dinner... ssss...

in previous 2 years, mum, bee and i would have our reunion dinner at home. but this year, mum and i had a reunion dinner with my second sis's family on the eve of the eve of the lunar new year, and again on the eve of the lunar new year with my brother's family. at the first glance superficially (especially if you are not chinese), it sound kinda defeating to call it a reunion dinner when there were 2 dinners. and this is not considering the fact that i am not having any reunion dinner myself (which again sounds kinda illogical cos as an unmarried person, who do i have reunion dinners with? haha...). after all, reunion dinners are for family units to come together. it boils down to how we define the family unit.

for the first reunion dinner was my sis's family reunion dinner. the family unit to be referred to was my brother-in-law's family and not ours (my family as defined by my dad's family) per se. we were just joining in the dinner. and although she also invited bee along, i thought it was not a good idea given mum's mental state. nonetheless, it was a good dinner although not all of her family was there. internal inter-sibling squabbles again, my sis lamented. as for me, i took it in stride. we went through the same when we were younger i told my sis. so... we had a little scare during the dinner. mum choked on the prawns. thankfully, she had chewed the prawn sufficiently and it went in after a while. she stopped the dinner while we carried on. but the amount of food was really too much. the food prepared was for 10, but there were only 6-7 of us. so in the end, we had all the remainder packed.

as for the second dinner, it was my brother's family unit. and similarly we just joined in. but of cos, if we were to see it from a chinese male-centric point of view, the reunion dinner at my brother's place could be considered more significant. and as for mum and i, we were to be considered important guests for the dinner. my mum would naturally be seen as an elder (a traditional chinese family is, surprisingly, rather matriarchal in nature in my opinion). and as for me, i would naturally assume the role of my dad following my dad's demise. and while all these were not uttered, the silent respect my brother accord to me during major festivals and prayers such as the lunar new year and the birthday of the celestial gods was obvious. this was kinda interesting cos he has a history of arguing and fighting with me. and during the fights, it could be rather intense and hostile. then again... whatever the case, just enjoy the time as it occurs la, i told myself. when my mum passes on in the near future, nobody will know what will happen. for all you know, we may end up the way like how my eldest sis is treating me now. haha...  let time be the judge. 

but for now, let's just focus on the fact that it is the lunar new year period, and familial ties are looked upon with a little more significance. after all, that is what lunar new new is about these days, getting back of the family unit. it was a good 2 days of reunion dinners. think i need to increase my running and exercising again after all the eating!

:-)

lunar new year ang pows

chinese new year/ lunar new year is round the corner. this is the time of the year where a lot of people ponder whether they qualify to give/ receive ang pows (red packets that contain money) and how much to pack in the ang pows. the following are some guidelines and principles that i see over the years...

"qualification" to give/ receive ang pows

• all married persons are qualified to give ang pows
• for those who have yet to celebrate their first wedding anniversary (are in the first year after their wedding), they also qualify to receive ang pows.
• people who are not married can receive ang pows. but generally speaking, for singles who are older (mid-30s and above), they generally try not to accept the ang pows out of courtesy.
• people who are considered elderly (usually of the previous generation) can receive ang pows as they are recognized as elders. there not strict rules regarding the age of the person per se. but as a guide, it is acceptable to give anyone in their 70s and above as a mark of respect.
• if you are a boss, regardless of whether you are married or not, my personal take is that it is a good practice to give ang pows to your staff. after all, it is a mark of respect for and in recognition of your staffs' contributions and support.

as for the amount to pack, if i may say, there are no standard rates. traditionally, it is not the money that counts, but the thoughts behind it. nonetheless, in today's context, the amount to pack has become a sensitive topic given the so called "face"-value behind it, especially amongst the younger ones (product of a more materialistic environment? haha!). it's an ego thing. also, it would not be so nice if the amount given is below what people give to us/ our children. the general principle is that the closer you are to the person, the bigger (the more money you pack in) the ang pow. and the amount is usually in even numbers with a preference to round off to the nearest 10's or ending with "8". the following are the possible rates that can be used (all figures are in singapore dollar):

family elders/ elderly relatives

• parents/ parents-in-law and elderly relatives - $68, $88, S100 or multiples of hundreds.

children of relatives

• very close relatives - $10, $12, $20
• close relatives - $8, $10
• normal relatives - $4, $8*
• distant relatives - $4*

children of friends/ non-relatives

• very close friends - $10, $12, $20
• close friends - $8, $10
• normal friends - $4 (i hesitate to up this to $8)*
• acquaintances - $4*

friends/ contemporaries

• very close friends - $20, $50 (not necessary to give but if really want to, it is ok)
• normal friends - no requirements

office/ colleagues @ workplace

• money is a sensitive issue at the workplace, so what i have done before is to pool monies from some of my team of senior staff and use this money to purchase lottery tickets and distribute them to my staff in ang pows (big sweep, 4d or toto tickets)
• to do this, you have the option of buying single tickets for each staff; or buy a series of number and share the winnings equally if you win. the pros and cons of the different methods are clear
• all monies packed/ used to buy lottery tickets need to be properly accounted for and audited by a neutral party

again, i reiterate here that there are no standard rates. there are of cos some people who are superbly calculative and work out the potential amount they will get by bringing their children around and balance with the potential amount they will need to give out, but this is really laborious. but well, whatever works for one may not work for others. ultimately, i think the best principle is to pack the ang pows according to your means.

tips on packing ang pows

• make sure the ang pows packed with different denominations are easily recognized. you won't want to give wrong amounts by mistake. you can consider packing different denominations in different types of ang pow packets. while it is ok to give more, it would be really embarrassing if you give a lot less. 
• always be prepared with more ang pows with different denominations when you do your visiting. you don't want to get caught with no ang pows when and if there are additional visitors to your visit locations.
• bring extra cash and empty ang pow jackets to cater to contingencies.
• for some people (especially cantonese), they like to give 2 ang pows together. after all even numbers are considered lucky. but this is not a must.

have a good time preparing for the lunar new year!

* and as mentioned by sam, there is an increasing preference to put $6 instead given that the number "4" sounds inauspicious when pronounced in chinese language/ dialect variants. this is also in view of the smaller sing-dollar and that many people are more willing to increase the amount (perhaps they are better off?) these days.

omg!

yesterday, after mum came home from her elderly rehab center, she went straight to the sofa to take a rest. and then she took out her handphone and started pressing some buttons. as usual she seemed so engrossed in it, staring at the buttons closely and pressing them very deliberately, one by one. i assumed she was trying to call one of my siblings and left her alone. i didn't want to ask her about it in case she feels i am encroaching into her personal space. it went on for quite a while. probably 5min. hmmm, perhaps she had problems calling out and perhaps she could do with some help... and i asked her who was she trying to call, and whether she needed me to help her call and she replied "i am trying to (switch) on the tv." and with my questioning, she suddenly realized she was pressing her handphone and not the remote control. we have a little chuckle over it.

on the surface, this was actually quite funny. but thinking deeper, it was probably another indication of her gradual lose of her cognitive abilities. to be expected i supposed. need to note this down and to report to the doctor when we visit him in 2 weeks' time. but well, let's just have a laugh over it. it's good to learn to laugh at our acts once a while. and we can do so without guilt if we are laughing at the act and not the person...

right?

:-)

man-breasts

oooo, yeah! just look at the hotties! and yes! such videos are equally relevant to men too! and i am sure we won't disagree! heh heh! good reminder to check for breast cancer... 

and talking about t-l-c, hmmm, in "our" context, it could also mean - touch, lick and cum! haha! notti notti! ooo, why do i feel so hot now. did someone just turned off the air-con?

haha!

a singaporean lunar new year

found this video in aiden's site - a newly released lunar new year song. composed and performed by a singaporean singing group "the animal parade". and it is on the perennial theme of family lineage during lunar new years. well, admittedly, the first impression wasn't very good as i couldn't really catch what they were singing. but the song kinda build on you as you listen. also, make sure you keep the lyrics turned on so that you can catch the local hokkien lingo and words... ah soh, ah chek, ah sim, ah pek, etc etc etc... enjoy!

and purleese la, guys in drags should have their armpits shaved! interestingly, from the tone of the lyrics, i am sure it suggests a new generation that is more vocal against traditional demands of setting up family etc. also, does the guys in drags (which i believe are straight) also suggest a new younger generation that more accepting of glbts? perhaps, perhaps not. then again, just enjoy the song la!

:-)

adjusted routines

since the start of this year, i have changed my weekly routine... this was, in part, due to my resolution to lead a more balanced life with more time for myself, but also in view of mum's change in behavior. she now resists going out and prefers to stay at home. me, on my part, would also try to get her to be desensitized to me leaving the house. so, i make sure i leave the house daily for my exercise in the evenings (even if it was to do nothing but some push ups)... yup, as a result, my routine has changed.

weekdays

0800: self-time (wake up, wash up)

0830: dog-time (bring dog to pee/ shit) #

0900: self-time (breakfast, read newspaper, look for job, etc)

1500: must be at home prep for mum's return 

(if she does not see me at home when she returns from rehab, high chance of her going emo and throw tantrums)

1545: mum-time (watch tv or do anything with her around)

1700: prep dinner
(must show mum or else she will not eat for fear of me poisoning the food)

1815: dog-time (bring dog to pee/ shit)

1830: mum-time (dinner/ watch tv)

2015: self-time (exercise/ run) (must leave house)

2130: mum-time (come home, administer medication to her)

2145: dog-time (bring dog to pee/ shit)

2200: self-time
(lock myself in my room/ bath, work, relax, surf net, etc) *

2359: sleep-time...

# to leave the room no earlier than 0825 to minimize interaction with mum and to prevent her from asking too much question about whether i leave the house the night before or whether i will be meeting bad people when she goes to the rehab center (at 0845)

* must be in my room else mum will suspect i go out to plan how to harm her

weekends

0845: self-time (wake up, wash up)

0915: dog-time (bring dog to pee/ shit) ##

0930: self-time (breakfast, read newspaper, look for job, etc) @

1030: prep lunch
(must show mum or else she will not eat for fear of me poisoning the food)

1200: mum-time (lunch)

1230: house-work (in mum's presence)

1630: self-time (tea, buy things, etc)

1700: prep dinner
(must show mum or else she will not eat for fear of me poisoning the food)

1815: dog-time (bring dog to pee/ shit)

1830: mum-time (dinner/ watch tv)

2015: self-time (exercise/ run) (must leave house)

2130: mum-time (come home, administer medication to her)

2145: dog-time (bring dog to pee/ shit)

2200: self-time
(lock myself in my room/ bath, work, relax, surf net, etc) *

2359: sleep-time...

# to leave the room no earlier than 0910 to minimize interaction with mum and to prevent her from asking too much question about whether i leave the house the night before 
@ bee to join me for breakfast whenever possible
* must be in my room else mum will suspect i go out to plan how to harm her

similar routines largely, and as usual, need lotsa preparations for mum if there are any deviations (eg to attend a dinner). in a large way, the time is more spread towards me compared to the previous routine. and i try to make more time to go out to meet up with friends/ bee for dinners, etc. in addition, bee and i would meet up whenever i head out for breakfast/ meals. 

on repeat mode...

ah long... o$p$

we had a scare this afternoon... bee came over for lunch and had to rush off suddenly. someone had apparently splashed paint onto the main door of his recently renovated flat. and after all the drama (including a false alarm where the police was activated to catch someone, who turned out to be a contractor. haha!) and investigations at the various government agencies, he found out the previous owner had borrowed money from a loan-shark... 

sighs... 

not a nice thing to happen just before the lunar new year.

picture from http://entertainment.xin.msn.com/en/tv/channel-5/programmes/odollarpdollar

ass-u-me

making assumptions always make an ass out of u and me. and it is funny how many of us have this habit of doing so when we are exposed to a fact / occurrence. and without thinking, we make assumptions and draw wrong conclusions. and worst still, we create unnecessary misunderstandings and tensions in the process. here's some examples (facts are in blue and assumptions are highlighted in red)...

• due to paranoia, mum has this constant tension about me going out of the house. she believes i am meeting people to plan to harm her. and she would call me whenever she attends the elderly rehabilitation day care. and many a time, i'll miss her call as i did not hear the phone ring. and when i finally answered/ return her call, she would scream at me - where are you now? go out again is it!?!?!?!?! and when she returns, she would pull a long black face, and not talk to me.

• mum has this habit of giving sapphie food behind my back and i have asked her not to do so many a times. and recently, during over casual conversation, i mentioned that sapphie vomited and had diarrhea. immediately, she turned defensive and replied i did not give her anything to eat! (the assumption that i am blaming her is not verbalized here)

• we organize a gathering and send out an invite via whatsapp, facebook, etc... and after a couple of days, the responses from invitees were not very forthcoming, and we assumed that no one is interested and cancel gathering.

• one day, i decided to clean away all my facebook status updates and delete the photos in it. and next thing i know, i get an sms from a friend. he sounded superbly upset. his sms read to the following effect - why did you block me in facebook? what did i do to offend you? why must you do this to me? hmmm... worst case of assuming people are getting personal.

• i started exercising every evening since dec 12. and i would wash my pt attire daily after my exercise. sweaty clothes do not smell good when left in the room overnight. as for mum's and my other laundry, i do it twice a week when there is enough volume enough to use the washing machine. and one day, i found all of mum's laundry hung out to dry. i asked her why she did the laundry despite the fact that i had been the one doing it, and she said - nowadays you only wash your own clothes, so since you don't want to wash mine, i will do it myself...

there are just too many entries to this post. and my point is, when you hear something/ see something happen, do not make assumptions! if not sure of the reason/s, ask. talk. check. do anything to clarify but don't make assumptions and jump to conclusions! and interestingly, while it was not intended, it seemed like many of the examples and tensions are from mum... (and i wondered if this is how her generation conducted themselves).

haha!

picture from http://www.disputeresolutioncounsel.com/2011/05/have-you-checked-your-assumptions-lately/

"unemployed" is a bad word

whenever people ask me what am i doing now (as in what line am i in and what do i do for a living), i tell them without thinking twice that i am unemployed. and when they hear that, you can only conclude from their responses that they had made some assumptions about why you are unemployed and drew all sorts of conclusions as to how you are managing and surviving given your "unemployed" status. and more often than not, these assumptions and conclusions are totally wrong! 

from the many people that have asked me this question, their response may range from oh, i am sorry... or oh... and their words would just peter off to errr, (silence) hmmm, ok, errr... well, if you need money, i can lend you, but up to a certain amount. i think they simply do not know how to reply to such a straight forward reply from me. haha. sometimes, to prevent any awkwardness on their part, i would quickly add, oh i took time off to look after my mum, or i wanted to take a break... or something along these lines. interestingly, a couple of people reacted like as though i have done something super wrong and that as a result, i have been sacked. somehow, there is this social stigma about being unemployed here! even my mum. she sees unemployment as an embarrassment. and when people around the estate or in her rehabilitation center ask her, she would lie to them and say, he is on leave. of course, some people would politely tell me i should not use the term unemployed and offered alternate suggestions like "i am in between jobs". come on, people, there is nothing wrong being unemployed! let's call a spade a spade! 

in fact, to me, being unemployed is a choice. i decided that i want to stop working and i stopped. simple as that. even if it is temporarily. and there is no need to make all sorts of assumptions as to why i am unemployed. if you want to know the details, just ask. and for goodness sake, lay to rest thoughts like he is useless, he is incompetent, etc. and rather than see it as a negative thing, why don't you see it as wah! this person has balls of steel! he can and dare to take a break! he is really something! and yes, although my finances are tight, and i am careful with how i spend my money, and i am surviving alright. so there is no need to draw the conclusion that i am broke and would be going around borrowing money and expecting people to pity me! sighs.

ok, i shall stop here. i am simply ranting and realized i am going round and round... need time to organize my thoughts...

jobs search status...

have been unemployed since early oct 12. and to many, it seemed like i have not done anything but simply wait for the (yes, the) job to come. well, in a way, yes but in another way, no. 

yes, becos i was really looking forward to this job. after the 4 rounds of interviews, the chemistry was really good and, considering how things had unfolded a lot a lot better than i had expected, i felt good. very good for that matter. and from their hr head herself, that they are very happy with me and that they will get back to me. so, in a way, the positive vibes i got from them gave me a lot of hopes. (status update: till now, they have not gotten back despite saying they will try to get back by end-jan) so... a couple of my hr friends told me it is normal, that big companies will need time to sort things out. still, i couldn't but felt a little lost currently.

no, becos i was also looking around. ok, granted i wasn't looking around as aggressively as i had wanted due to the positive vibes i got, but i did looked. and the job market was slow in nov/ dec considering it was end of the year, christmas season, new year and all. and while i am beginning to see some activity in the job portals, i do not really expect to see much actions and hiring until after lunar new year next week. also, i think i must have forwarded my resumé to perhaps 4-6 headhunters. still, there was not much developments other than one of the headhunter calling me up for a chat. i was also thankful for the fact that some friends had called me up, and offered information about opportunities in roles such as associate trainers. for these, i have gone for one of the interview and the interviewer was very impressed with what i have to offer. nonetheless, i told her that i will only get back to her once i get a better clarity of the job offer that i have been waiting... otherwise, i continue to look at job portals, check out the recruitment sections of the local papers, talk to friends about possible opportunities etc...

so, the question is - am i demoralized? am i depressed? nope, i am sure i am not. i think i am holding quite well although i do admit there were occasions where i felt a little bored and uncertain about the immediate future. otherwise, in terms of stress, if any, they come from my mum. no one else. it has become a daily affair where i have to manage and get use to her suspicions and emotional abuse. must admit i have still not gotten used to it and still trying very hard not to internalise all the nonsense she throws at me daily. but well, that is another story. 

wedding bells

got the photo of my eldest niece (daughter of my eldest sis) in her wedding gown from my second sis.  felt so happy to see it. i think it was a photo shoot session. her wedding is the first amongst the next generation in my family. such a joy! seeing the photo makes me smile! she looked so pretty! it seemed not too long ago when i carried her in my arms and rocked her to sleep! and she's getting married soon! haha... nonetheless, i am not sure whether the wedding had actually taken place. but i suspect not cos i also learned that my eldest sis will not be inviting me nor my second sis to the wedding dinner. not sure about my second sis, but for me, it is cos my eldest sis has this grudge against me for not converting dad to christianity before he died. well...

whatever the case, the tensions of my generation should not translate to unhappiness for the next generation. not getting invited for the dinner is no big deal, what's key is that my niece will be getting married and i feel so very happy for her! 

wish her the very best in her life and that she will be happy forever!

:-)

picture from http://www.tuscanaresort.com/tuscana-poolside-weddings/

立春/ 送神 2013

been superbly busy with spring cleaning over the last couple of weeks in preparation for the lunar new year. and tomorrow is 立春, or the official start of spring. it is also considered the minor new year for the year of the snake and coincides with the day where traditionally, the chinese people would send off their household gods or kitchen gods to heaven (送神).

and talking about 送神, my family used to do it when i was much younger. and sending off the gods would be an important affair with mum setting up the home's altar and making offerings of fruits and kueh bakul (traditional chinese cake made of caramelized sugar). the belief is that by offering such sugary cakes to the household gods before they depart, they would say good things about the family when they report to the celestial god in heaven. the other explanation was that becos the caramelized sugar is sticky, the mouth of the household gods would be all sticky and they could not say too much bad things. quite funny right? i can imagine how busy and crowded heaven would be cos suddenly there will be a boom and overcrowding in heaven with all the household gods visiting. ok, better not spew such nonsense.

anyway, back to spring cleaning. most of us would symbolically finish all major cleaning by tomorrow once we send of the household gods. and i say "symbolically" cos, like it or not, with a dog in the house, the whole place will be dirty like crazy if i were to stop cleaning the house, even for a day! as for me, i have also gone further to clean off all my facebook posts. 

heh heh...

so, in view of 立春, here's my wish for one and all...

祝各位新春快乐，身体安康，心想事成!

kitchen god pic from http://www.cultural-china.com

kueh bakul pic from http://www.audreycooks.com

upset sister

my 2nd sister came over last evening and from what she described after the visit, i could only conclude she was very angry and upset with my mum. haha! 

you see, for the longest time, she has been telling me that i should be patient la la la... and recently my mum kept calling her to tell her that i always go out with 2 women who were out to harm her. and of cos, she played along and told her that the 2 women had died. but mum continued. and whenever she told her about these 2 women, sis would call me and clarify. of cos, all these were pure nonsense and a result of her paranoia, delusion and dementia.

and yesterday, as i had planned to head out for a drink, i asked her to come over to keep mum company. and that was what she did. i left not too long after she arrived and she chatted with mum. after i left, i smsed her to check if mum needed food. mum had complained that the chicken rice i bought for her was too little and i was hoping that she would pack something for mum. afterall, it would not be nice for mum to go to bed with an empty stomach. and so, she checked with mum and after a while, mum told her she threw away the chicken rice i bought (as i had suspected but thought i should not ask). and this was despite the fact that it was she herself who had asked me to buy chicken rice. she added that when i went out to buy dinner, 2 woman went along and had put in some poison into the rice. her remarks totally threw my sister off. 

she chided mum for all the nonsense and tensions she created for me and about all the nonsensical stuff she had been imagining and spewing. and she tried to rationalize with mum that if i really wanted to poison her, there was really no need to use the chicken rice. instead, there were so many possible avenues for me to do so and that i would have done so if i wanted to. and to top it off, she told mum that if she really had a problem staying with me, she should just move out of my place and don't bother me with all the nonsense. wahhh... and so, in the end, it was me telling her to just relax and let mum be. if she refuses to eat, she will only suffer her own action, there is really nothing that we can do. after all, she is a sick person and as long as we have tried our best, we should just let her be.

i think all my siblings (or at least my 2nd sis and bro) are getting irritated with her behavior. and from what i see, my only conclusion is that their patience are running thin. just last week, my brother chided her for giving me all the problems and her refusal to take food, medication, etc... and his chiding caught me off-guard.

hmmm...

picture from http://www.foodrepublic.com/2012/07/16/lunch-singapore-chicken-rice

没家教!

i was at marine parade this afternoon and saw a gay couple. well, it was very obvious it was a gay couple and clearly, they had just done some shopping for their home. one of them was carrying a broom and mop and some other stuff in a plastic bag.

i walked towards the kueh kueh store and they walked pass me. and interestingly, both went into the kueh kueh store too. since they went in before me, they made their order first. and aiyoh, i was so horrified to see how they placed the order. one went to the cashier to prepare to pay while the other (the one carrying the broom and mop) made the order. and guess what - he used the broom to point to the kueh he wanted. such terrible uncouth behavior!

this was so terribly rude! how could anyone possibly do this? his mother probably never teach him not to point with broomsticks or mops, even if they are new!

没家教！

sighs!

long & short of ahems

was making a comment in tuls blog and was reminded of this question about the long and short of men. ever wonder why some urinals in the male toilets are positioned lower than the rest? and that the majority are positioned about the same height? 

well, the answer is simple. the normal height ones are for normal people. the ones positioned lower are for people who are superbly short or superbly long...

no?

lol!

picture from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kohler_urinals_Island_Lake_Recreational_Area_Green_Oak_Township_Michigan.JPG

f-up service

the following are some examples of bad service i had experienced not too long ago (except the first one that occurred years ago). i have not returned to the stores since...

• char kway teow @ marine terrace... there's this char kway teow store at marine terrace block 59 coffee shop. quite a popular store actually. and one day, my mum went there to buy char kway teow. and as usual she asked for the person not to add tau gay (bean sprouts). the man growled at her and screamed out loud "you want to eat, you eat, don't ask for no tau gay..." that was the last  time we went to that store.

• vegetarian food @ simei coffee shop... my mum frequently gets into tantrums and emotional. and whenever she does so, she would swear off meat. that happened as recently as last month. and when this happened, i have to either cook vegetarian meals for her or buy food from vegetarian mixed rice stores. one such store is located at the simei coffee shop by the simei mrt station. the food was not very nice, but eat-able. now, there are 3 different ladies attending the store. let's call them apple (a mandarin-speaking filipino?), banana (a rotund often glum-looking auntie) and chiku (a calculative and very quarrelsome prc?). on the first few days, apple sold me $5 for 2 person's worth of dishes (that comprise 2 different types of vegetables/ tofu). subsequently, banana sold me $2 for 1 person's worth of dishes (that comprise 3 different types of vegetables/ tofu). and this went on for quite a while. while i noticed the differences in the selling price, i did not ask further. after all, the differences was not significant. but sometime later, chiku came along. i ordered the same as per usual - 3 vegetables/ tofu for 1 person. first she said, "no you cannot do that, we don't sell 3 vegetable for 1 person." when i said that was what i got usually, she gave me this screwed up look and told me rudely "if you want to get 1 person's worth, you must minimally pay $3.50, else i won't do for you. also, it is applicable only for 'common' vegetables. if you want to get tofu, it is charged separately at $2.50!" of cos i was not pleased and asked how come 3 persons sell the dishes at different prices. she retorted loudly, "you want you get, my boss set the price, not me." and i protested, i mentioned that i had just purchased 3 vegetables from banana for $2 the day earlier. banana was there and she kept quiet. chiku was obviously unhappy with my protest and said, "no way, that kind of price is long long time ago. ok, ok, since you say so and you insist, only for now, i will charge you $2. next time you come, i will charge you $3.50." damned, this was a quick way to accuse your customers of lying, in order to justify your overcharging! bloody hell! no more next time, i said and i left.

• chock (cantonese porridge) @ bedok south ave 1... there is this store at bedok south ave 1 market (opposite temasek junior college) that sells cantonese porridge. it has been there since early-80s. the owner of the store is a second generation hawker has a prc(?) wife. bee and i would frequent that store on weekends for their pork porridge. usually, they would serve the porridge to us, regardless of where we sit. but of cos, out of consideration, we would not sit too far away. couple of weeks ago, i decided to have porridge and made an order with the wife. i told her i would be seated somewhere near the coffee store as usual. and quite unexpectedly, she raised her voice at me "you want you take yourself, you sit so far away i won't be able to bring to you!!!" my face turned black on the spot. the husband, noticing my changed in expression, quickly asked her "what does this uncle want? i will cook for him right away." i took the porridge, paid her and walked off. i have not returned since. 

• mixed rice @ simei... there is this mixed rice store at simei estate coffee shop (not the same one as the above but at the same block). that store is also one that i frequent for mixed chup suey rice. couple of days back, i had cooked some dishes and decided to get ready cooked white rice instead of cooking it. i arrived at the store and noted that they are ready to sell, rice and dishes. and i politely asked the lady attendant "auntie, can i have one pack of cooked rice please?" the lady looked at me, gave me a one helluva dirty look and asked loudly, you want rice with dishes or just plain rice? i told her i just wanted rice and she replied "you want rice with dishes, i pack for you now, you want rice, you wait ok?" ehhhh... auntie, no need already. i walked off, i came home, and i cooked my rice.

you know, i find it bloody irksome to have people rendering such screwed up service and worst of all, they are in the service line. while i understand that at times, they do have constraints, i cannot accept it when they behave rudely to their customers. if they cannot speak nicely and respectfully, then they can forget about having customers return to them. as far as i am concerned, if your service is excellent, even if your food is a little less than good, i will still go back to you.

bottom bear!

omg... this is so hilarious. then again, very nice dance moves... 

and hmmm, his moves make him come across as so bottom!

ok, ok me and my stereotype thinking again!

sorry...

come on, he's gay!

sighs... halfway through, i was telling myself, come on woman, stop slutting in front of this guy! he's so gay... some woman (like this one) can be just so duh!

haha!

sai-koon...

all of us have, at some point in our life, experienced that kinda feeling where we were caught in the situation where we were rushing to find a toilet... and our stomach were churning and growling like there's no tomorrow. and whenever it growls and churns, the feeling can be so so so so bloody uncomfortable. you know, the kinda feeling where your stomach is painful like hell, and yet you have to try your very hardest to force constrict your desperate asshole. and occasionally, the asshole seemed to have a mind of its own and where the feeling of the sphincter giving way is so real and so near. well, in the english language, there is no one phrase or word that actually describe this feeling. but in the hokkien language, we call it "sai koon" or translated literally to "shit boiling". haha!

i had that feeling whenever i have cold soya milk, you char kuih (fried fritters) for breakfast, and downing everything with a glass of piping hot coffee black. yup, cold + white and hot + black is one hell of super duper potent but for the taste, well, i supposed it is worth it. heh heh. and that was what i felt yesterday after breakfast. and it was a super solid omg one for that matter. i had just down my last mouthful of food and i felt my stomach growling. oh oh this is a little too fast right? i thought, i better get home soon. and off i went. when i started my car, the growling and the churning came on. ouch ouch ouch. control control control. mind over body. mind over body. i chanted to myself in my head. and after a super solid painful tummy ache, the wave of contraction passed. whew... i continued driving. less than 2 minutes later, the contraction came again... aiyoh... macam going to give birth! control control control... and the contractions went off again. i could even hear the bubbles churning in my tummy. and darn! before i could count to 10, the churning started again! arghhhh! why was it that traffic lights always turn red when the churning starts! damned! and before i knew it... the %*%^(*^%$%^%& construction worker had to halt traffic to let construction vehicles enter the road from the worksite! of all times! arghhh! although the distance from market home was the same, the drive home yesterday felt forever! 

and when i finally arrived at my condominium, of all times, there was a visitor and the security guard had to stop the car for a security check! wahhhh... shit coming out already! damned damned damned! i didn't even double check if i parked my car straight or if i had locked my car. i just ran to the lift, press the lift and held on to my stomach. growl growl growl it went. and i rush to my door and then to my toilet. sapphie was so excited yet confused as to why i did not pat her when i entered the house. i just ran, and as i ran, i stripped off my pants and as i did all these, i was desperately trying to stop the shit from exploding! hahahaha!

and finally, i sat on the throne and...

the feeling was simply - priceless!

whew!

picture from http://www.naturalremedies.org/diarrhoea/

cock-rings

have been experimenting with cock rings over the past year and wow! what an experience! haha... well, i shan't go into the details. just suffice to say that the whole experience of getting it and trying it was kinda interesting. and it was kinda funny too cos the first c-ring i got was actually a gift from veggythomas. you see, we met up one evening for dinner and as we were kinda bored and has nothing much to do, we decided to drop by the local man's adult shop. i told him about my intention to get a c-ring and since he was paying for a t-shirt, he decided to buy the c-ring for me too! how nice of him right? it was kinda funny cos on one hand, for virgin buyers like us, we acted cool macam (malay for "like as though") we were the most seasoned c-ring users! and of cos the sales assistant there was so very nice to take out the display one by one to let us feel it. ok, not use it, and certainly not help me try it on (as what some people said the assistants would do). lol!

ok, back to the c-ring. i was really amazed at the amount of stunts one can do to the family jewel. one can wear it around the head, around the base, around the balls, all over, and so on. there are just so many ways to strangle it! poor boy! borned to be used and abused by its own master! haha! and wooohhh! the varieties of rings one can find to fit the family jewel is just so so so bloody wide! there are those "normal" conventional ones (ring-shaped of cos), but they do come with different materials, such as silicone, rubber, metal, porcelain, etc, different colours, tear drop types, those that goes around the cock and the balls, and even those novelty ones such as those with bristles, with a cock (as in a real bird-cock), with vibrators, and so on! and yup, they can be really expensive too. so...

but of course, from what i read (and i can attest to it from personal experience), most people purchase it for the experience and the fun of it. the whole thought behind using it, the kinky feel, etc. it just makes the orgasm a lot more intense. but after sometime, once the novelty dies down, most people just stop using it and simply keep the c-ring away. and of cos, there are also people who wear it simply to help them look bigger, that is, to enhance the look of their bulge down there. i personally know of a friend who use it when he tans at the pool. the c-ring simply help to hold up their balls and cock and make their bulge look, well, larger. and of cos, there are also those who cruise at the pool toilet and put on the c-ring to have a more solid arousal in their attempts to entice other gaymen to join them in the cubicles. yup, me speaking from personal experience, and i thought it was quite a turn off! ok, back to topic. to make things easier, there are even underwear and swimwear that comes with a c-ring in it. so convenient right? above all, some people simply love the feel of having a ring around it (please go ahead and define the it as you like, ha!) but of course, the bottom line is, everyone who wears or uses a c-ring has his reasons for doing so.

ok, shan't go into specifics here. if you are keen on using c-rings, there are lots of literature and picture on c-rings and the associated assets. heh. just need to google it and you can like spend hours after hours going through them. but some words of advice here.

• to determine the size you need, do a youtube google. there are materials there that can show you how to measure the circumference that suits you.
• also, try a size up/ down to find a fit that best suits you. c-rings are meant to fit. the thinking that the tighter it is, the more intense the orgasm is not true. if it is too tight, you will feel very uncomfortable. you even face the danger of killing it (yes, killing it)! but on the other hand, if you get one that is too loose, you lose all the effects of wearing a c-ring.
• for a start, experiment with silicone or rubber ones. silicone and rubber ones gives you the advantage of being stretchable and if it is too tight, and you feel extremely uncomfortable, you can easily cut it off, something that you cannot do with a metallic one.
• once you are sure of the size that you are comfortable with, you can then go on to try more advanced versions such as metallic ones. alternatively, there are the newer more advanced metallic versions that allow you to adjust the tightness, but be ready to pay a hefty sum for it...

:-)

top picture from http://www.painfulpleasures.com, middle picture from http://www.bealeatherman.com, bottom picture from http://www.culturelabel.com

dynamic template

was playing around with the different templates in my iphone last night as i lay in bed. and next thing i knew, i clicked onto and applied the dynamic template onto my blog. sighs... i was just too tired and lazy to go through the whole process of switching on my macbook air to change back the settings. afterall, i had customized quite a bit of the font size, color, etc and decided i should just leave it till today to sort things out.

and this morning, a couple of friends whatsapp me asking why i did major overhaul to my blog and how was it that they could no longer read the comments, read the full post, see the photos etc etc etc. heh heh... had to explain to them the whole story. anyway, finally got things sorted out by afternoon. back to normal again...

and hmmm, i noticed that my viewership hits more than doubled when i used the dynamic template. i guessed it is a case of the dynamic template that automatically load multiple posts at a time when someone clicks on the blog. so... suddenly i have close to 800 views per day for yesterday. first time wor...

heh heh...

aiyeer what happened...

last week, my brother dropped by my place and the first thing he exclaimed when he saw sapphie was "aiyieerrr... what happened to her face? how come her face lid dat!?!?!" for a moment, i didn't understand. and i asked what he meant... and he said "how come her face so white?" haha... he hasn't seen sapphie since 3-4 years ago. and in these 3-4 years, she had quite a few things happened to her... for a start, her ears had drooped, her facial fur has turned white and she now looks a lot older.

yes, a dog can actually grow old. i think he realized that now.

haha... 

3-4some relationships

as i get old(er), i will increasingly get into a 3some (or 3-way as some calls it) relationship. that is, i, with me and myself. oh, hmmm, ahhh or perhaps more accurately, a 4some (4-way) relationship - and my penis (heh! i thought hard about what politically correct word to use but decided to call a penis a penis)!

well ok, this post is a short reflection following germs' post about we gay persons having a higher chance of feeling lonesome when we get older. superficially, it does seemed "rather expected" for us gay persons to feel so. but thinking deeper, i think it is a growing older thing rather than a gay-or-straight thing. after all, one person in all relationship is bound to die earlier than the other. right? but yeah, i supposed for gay persons, it would be a little more daunting given the added dimension of non-acceptance and/ or discrimination at the societal-level. right? hmmm...

then again, when i think about it, i pondered what the real reasons could be behind this state of loneliness. firstly, is it real or is it perceived? and if it is real, is it due to sex (or an absence of it)? or due to companionship? also, could it be a state of mind? or what other reasons could it be? i am quite sure it cannot be sex right? at that age, sex would probably be the last thing on any persons mind. and i can say that cos frankly, even at my age now (mid-40s), i can already attest the fact that the sex now is certainly not as frequent nor "violent" as the years past! haha! so, projecting forward, i am quite sure it will increasingly diminish further in its importance, frequency and intensity. hence, my starting statement that i will increasingly get into a 3-4some relationship with myself! haha!

ok, before i end up just ranting non-stop and going in circles, my take is that how lonely one feels is a function of how much he or she loves himself/ herself and accepts himself/ herself now. for if we cannot reconcile things within ourselves, we will probably end up getting into the habit of blaming everyone about everything. and when that happens, we will be living our lives in the worst possible way - feeling lonely, even when we are amongst crowds.

agree?

talking to potential boyfriends

i received a whatsapp message from natkean last evening. and he told me he was heading for an interview and was having cold feet. well, really, over the phone, it was kinda difficult to give advice about how to carry oneself during interviews... and so i wrote:

"talk and carry yourself like as though you are talking to a potential boyfriend"

and i gave a quick run through of the similarities between an interviewer and a potential boyfriend.

do you agree?

:-)

interesting name

i met up with an ex-colleague for lunch this week and while she went to get her food, i looked around the food court. and what caught my eye was the name on the little security pass of this person sitting beside me... he had an interesting name. probably weird-sounding to some, and certainly from a certain perspective, rather inauspicious too (at least to me). the name was "paragone loh". ok, shan't talk nor comment too much about it here. afterall, it is not very nice to make comments about people's name. but certainly, with such a unique and interesting name, it would be difficult not to remember this name...

and have you come across any interesting names? wanna share?

:-)

cny celebrations

today, i brought my mum to the elderly rehab center chinese new year celebrations. and it was quite an interesting event. the celebrations was held at the headquarters of an insurance company. for that matter, it was organized and sponsored by this particular insurance company as part of its corporate social initiative. what happened was that since early this month, the elderly rehab center contacted us to check if we were keen to attend. as for me, the center manager called me up personally to invite me. of cos i agreed. and we were reminded to dress as nicely as possible. and so i drove my mum to the location this evening. here's what happened and my thoughts about it...

when we first arrived, i was pleasantly surprised to see all the center staff dressed and decked up to the nines in chinese traditional wears, especially so when most of the center staff are malays. i must say they were so sporting! and it was nice to see them dressed up compared to their usual center t-shirt and jeans attire. the center manager wore a long cheongsam-cut dress that has beautifully hand-embroidered chinese mandarin ducks and flowers, matching long pants and guess what, a matching tudung too! as for the malay male assistants, they wore silk chinese top (macam those made famous by those movies with hong kong triads). so nice of them. and the mood that was created was very festive, very cross-cultural. very nice indeed.

we were treated to a spread of nice buffet dinner once we arrived. interestingly, while it was hosted by the insurance company, not a single insurance company staff was allocated to host us at our tables. and so, it became some sort of an elderly home dinner with the elderly guests talking amongst themselves. as for the insurance company staff, all of them were dressed in black t-shirts and they were either acting busy, talking amongst themselves or serving us food. in fact, some went as far as serving us food and then coming back to serve us drinks and to top up our drinks. think they were really too free. haha. yup, a host-but-not-a-host kinda occasion.

regrettably, at some point, the staff made us feel like we were props for their agenda. you see, from the time we arrived to the time we left, there were quite a number of their staff walking around busy taking photos/ video-taping with their ipads. come to think of it, it seemed like these people were more enthusiastic about taking photos and video-taping. and during the dinner, we kept hearing them mention that this is for their company website. hmmm. combined with their seemingly less than enthusiastic "hosting", it almost felt like they were merely putting up a show. then again, let's not think too much, let's just enjoy the fact that they actually hosted us.

and of course, dinner would be incomplete without a performance. they had their staff singing chinese new year songs, they invited school children to perform some chinese drum performance, a chinese dance, a wushu demonstration, and so on.  and given that the event was self-hosted rather than staged and managed by professionals, the whole feel was rather impromptu and un-co-ordinated. but of cos, i am not complaining. rather, i find this rawness contributed to the overall warmth and charm of the event.

all-in-all, i would say it was an interesting event. regardless of the agenda of the various stakeholders, i thought everyone enjoyed it. 

running achievement!

well, frankly when i wrote about the need to lead a healthy lifestyle at the start of the year, i did not dare to impose on myself a target. after all, targets once set will create a certain level of stress on me and i think it is something i can really do without now - considering all the other stressors that i am currently facing. anyway, i have kept on my running momentum since i started running mid-dec. and quietly, although i did not impose any explicit target, i told myself i should try to minimally do a 10km run one day. before the year closes, that is. and guess what?!?! i did it yesterday! heh heh... i took things slow and steady by running no more than 2km. and over time (every alternate days), i increased it to 2.2, 2.6, 2.7, 3, 5, 8 etc... and finally 10km. and of course i did it slow and steady. 7:09min/ km kinda pace...

so! it felt so good to have done it. the last time i did such a distance non-stop was probably more than 10 years ago! heh... well, i am not about to overkill myself with runs now. i think it is time to slow things down. back to the 2-5km kinda distance every alternate days for the next couple of weeks before i start to pick it up again. hurray for me, for now!

ps: now, my legs aches like crazy, but somehow, the aches felt really good!