decided to go for a short getaway to cameron highlands in late dec 08 with schneider. need the break before the crazy work year starts again. it'll be our (bee and i) first trip there. looking forward to it!
:-)
:-)
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
delayed
went to select the colours for my house this morning and was told that the renovation will only complete by the 15 dec instead of 13 dec as i had planned. was rather upset about it initially. felt like i had been taken for a ride... especially when i decided on this contractor after he indicated he was able to complete everything by the 13 dec. then again, after cooling down and thinking about it, it might just be a good thing not to rush through such things. there was really no urgency to finish the works by 13 dec in the first place. so, it's better to do it slow and well than to have something rushed through and end up getting the work done in a slip shot manner.
and for now, will have to delay the delivery of my furniture for a couple of days...
and for now, will have to delay the delivery of my furniture for a couple of days...
bd party
received an sms from willie inviting me to his `thanks for being a friend' birthday party at play (one of singapore's leading gay bar). and much as i would love to, i told myself that it is perhaps better to give it a miss... still need to observe my commitments to my office not to visit any gay places. so for now, i do give him my best wishes of health and happiness (then again, i am sure i will not be missed... he has so many friends... heh heh...)
from what i know, since leaving the organisation, willie is a much happier person. and i am truly happy for him. staying in the organisation would have stifled him. he has the potential for much greater things. this coming year will be a challenging one for all of us, but for willie, i am ever so confident he will be able to ride through the rough times unscathed. way to go, willie!
for me, i shall abide my time. it, too, will come.
jul 09.
and to my dear friend willie, we may not contact each other nor meet often, but i can certainly say - you are often thought of! happy birthday!
from what i know, since leaving the organisation, willie is a much happier person. and i am truly happy for him. staying in the organisation would have stifled him. he has the potential for much greater things. this coming year will be a challenging one for all of us, but for willie, i am ever so confident he will be able to ride through the rough times unscathed. way to go, willie!
for me, i shall abide my time. it, too, will come.
jul 09.
and to my dear friend willie, we may not contact each other nor meet often, but i can certainly say - you are often thought of! happy birthday!
sick leave
finally decided to see the doctor...
was given 2 days sick leave to rest at home.
cough cough... sniff sniff...
was given 2 days sick leave to rest at home.
cough cough... sniff sniff...
Monday, 8 December 2008
aimless
do you ever get into a state sometime or other where you ask yourself where you are heading in life? i do. that is perhaps the kinda mood i get into when my college goes into the year end leave clearing lull period. yes, there are still arrows and there are still work to be done. but somehow, i cannot but feel rather aimless. and naturally, this kinda thoughts about work will naturally extend to life in general... what am i heading towards? what or who am i living for? what can i do next? what should i do now to get what i want next? questions aplenty... yes, yes... the answer is perhaps to chart my life out systematically and work towards the goal/s... but perhaps, to me at this moment, it is easier said than done... somehow, the motivation is just not there. laziness? procrastination? uncertainty? whatever...
just feeling so blah...
aimless...
do you ever feel this way?
just feeling so blah...
aimless...
do you ever feel this way?
gay flight attendant
read this in blowing wind gay forum and had a good laugh. so thought i'd post it here to too:
my flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
as the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "captain marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
on his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but i asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
she calmly turned her head and said, "in my country, i am called a princess and i take orders from no one."
to which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "well, sweet-cheeks, in my country i'm called a queen, so i outrank you. tray up, bitch."
:-)
my flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
as the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "captain marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
on his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but i asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
she calmly turned her head and said, "in my country, i am called a princess and i take orders from no one."
to which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "well, sweet-cheeks, in my country i'm called a queen, so i outrank you. tray up, bitch."
:-)
murphy strikes
murphy struck many times on saturday evening. you see, it's been a long while since i went for a movie with bee bee. and so, on saturday, we decided to watch bolt. did an internet booking at 7pm for a 8.40pm show, called him and arranged to meet him at vivocity for dinner at 8pm before the movie.
the drive to vivocity was a non-event actually... until i reached the telok blangah exit. it was 7.45pm when i cleared the exit. and that was when i came faced with a huge traffic jam. apparently, the whole world seemed to be heading to vivocity! (now, what recession are we talking about rite?) i got stuck in it for about 15min. and looking at the superbly long queue for the vivocity car park, i decided to give it a miss and headed straight to the harbour front's multi-storey carpark. so i headed straight and when i turned into harbour front drive... i got caught in a second jam. this time round, for whatever reasons, all the vehicles did not move... and it took another half hour before i cleared the jam and found myself a car park lot. it was already 8.30pm. by this time, bee bee had already got into the restaurant and ordered his food. he had even brought a friend along...
there was no time for dinner, i ran to the ticket counter to get the ticket. the show was supposed to be at 8.40pm. when i finally reached the counter, there was a queue for the ticket and i had to waste another 10min queuing. when my turn came, i gave my movie booking number. the guy keyed in the number in the system and told me that they do not have my records... frustrating! he went into his office, did some further checks and emerged, telling me that i have booked my tickets for the gv grand 9.10pm movie instead... shit! no time. even if i were to fly there, i'll still be late! did some negotiation with the counter guy before he agreed to change to ticket for me... after some ding donging, i managed to get the 9.30pm gv vivo tickets... by the time everything was settled, it was already close to 9pm.
but well, in the end, i managed to meet bee bee and his friend for dinner (although it was a very rush dinner) and successfully caught the show...
:-)
the drive to vivocity was a non-event actually... until i reached the telok blangah exit. it was 7.45pm when i cleared the exit. and that was when i came faced with a huge traffic jam. apparently, the whole world seemed to be heading to vivocity! (now, what recession are we talking about rite?) i got stuck in it for about 15min. and looking at the superbly long queue for the vivocity car park, i decided to give it a miss and headed straight to the harbour front's multi-storey carpark. so i headed straight and when i turned into harbour front drive... i got caught in a second jam. this time round, for whatever reasons, all the vehicles did not move... and it took another half hour before i cleared the jam and found myself a car park lot. it was already 8.30pm. by this time, bee bee had already got into the restaurant and ordered his food. he had even brought a friend along...
there was no time for dinner, i ran to the ticket counter to get the ticket. the show was supposed to be at 8.40pm. when i finally reached the counter, there was a queue for the ticket and i had to waste another 10min queuing. when my turn came, i gave my movie booking number. the guy keyed in the number in the system and told me that they do not have my records... frustrating! he went into his office, did some further checks and emerged, telling me that i have booked my tickets for the gv grand 9.10pm movie instead... shit! no time. even if i were to fly there, i'll still be late! did some negotiation with the counter guy before he agreed to change to ticket for me... after some ding donging, i managed to get the 9.30pm gv vivo tickets... by the time everything was settled, it was already close to 9pm.
but well, in the end, i managed to meet bee bee and his friend for dinner (although it was a very rush dinner) and successfully caught the show...
:-)
house reno
every year, when it comes to the chinese new year period, i would regret not polishing my granite floor. it's been 12 years since i first moved in and i have not polished my floor at all! also, i would often feel shy to invite my friends over to my place cos my furniture is not too presentable (to me at least, altho bee bee says it's ok) - my sofa is dirty, old and torn, my dining table is actually the study table purchased for james (my ex) some 5 years back, the dining chairs are made of pine wood and all bear sapphie's teeth marks - marks made when she was still weaning her milk teeth some 9 years back...
so, after months of looking around, i finally placed a booking for some new furniture in two months ago (i bought a very nice 3 seater sofa and a set of marble dining table and chairs). these will arrive on 13 dec - less than a week's time.
and in this short time, the contractor will also polish the granite flooring, varnish the parquet in the house and to give the house a new coat of paint! it will cost me a total of 3k to do all these stuff! but considering the 12 years of wear and tear, 3k is rather worth it! this coming week will be a rather interesting but hectic one. contractors, clearing of old furniture, packing and unpacking, cleaning, and so on! but i look forward to it!
pretty exciting!
:-)
so, after months of looking around, i finally placed a booking for some new furniture in two months ago (i bought a very nice 3 seater sofa and a set of marble dining table and chairs). these will arrive on 13 dec - less than a week's time.
and in this short time, the contractor will also polish the granite flooring, varnish the parquet in the house and to give the house a new coat of paint! it will cost me a total of 3k to do all these stuff! but considering the 12 years of wear and tear, 3k is rather worth it! this coming week will be a rather interesting but hectic one. contractors, clearing of old furniture, packing and unpacking, cleaning, and so on! but i look forward to it!
pretty exciting!
:-)
Saturday, 6 December 2008
faster
i picked kok up two days ago to attend the 2008 female 50 gorgeous people event at zouk. it was about 7pm. and there was a huge jam on the pan island expressway (pie). it was, of cos, a frustrating drive considering i don't usually take this highway at this time of the day! but to kok, it was nothing unusual as he drives to town for his weekly tennis game at this time every friday. so, he was able to guide me and tell me when to change to what lane to beat the jam... and one pattern emerges - if you travel in the inner-most lane (lane 4) at specific stretches of the highway, chances are that you will be able to save easily 15-20min off the time needed to get to city. and the reasons are very simple
- cause of jam - typical kiasu behaviour of singaporean drivers... most drivers, once they enter the highway, would filter to the outermost lane thinking that it will be fastest. as a result, all lanes (less the innermost lane) would be jammed up or slow.
- road design - one word - terrible. most expressway (including pie), has a total of 4 lanes. for flyovers, most has 3 lanes, and the innermost lane (lane 4) is to allow cars to exit. so naturally, all drivers, afraid that they would be stuck in lane 4 (and as a result, forced out of the highway), would try to squeeze into lanes 1-3 as soon as they enter the expressway thereby leaving lane 4 with relatively less vehicles.
- opportunities - jams occur during peak hours, peak hour traffic include lots of buses sending employees or students home. and buses usually use lane 3 and they tend to pick up slower once they stop (in a jam). this allows cars in lane 4 to easily chuck in into lane 3 when the opportune is right.
so, often, one would see seasoned drivers, switch to lane 4 immediately after a flyover, pick up speed, chuck into lane 3 at the right time in front of buses just before a flyover, cross the flyover, cut back into lane 4, speed up, chuck into lane 3 again before the next flyover...
learned a new tactic!
:-)
learned a new tactic!
:-)
of hitler & erps
no, i do not understand what the hell the characters are talking about. all i understand is that it depicts hitler at the last moments of his war. but reading the sub-titles and relating to the sentiments that many singaporeans feel about the sudden blooming of electronic road pricing (erp) gantries in the city, i cannot but laugh out loud as i go along!
enjoy!
:-)
enjoy!
:-)
sicko
i really dislike the going-to-fall-sick-yet-not-very-sick feeling. been having this sore throaty, semi-feverish, lethargic condition, slight cough, frequent sneezing and terrible body aches for a couple of days... yet technically, i am not fully sick yet. as always, this means a huge flu is coming.
been downing loads of water, liang teh (cooling herbal tea), and so on... still, i feel it coming...
haiz...
been downing loads of water, liang teh (cooling herbal tea), and so on... still, i feel it coming...
haiz...
Friday, 5 December 2008
20!
when i posted this couple of days back, it didn't occur to me at all that my niece actually turned 20 today! omg! it seemed not so long ago when she was just borned and i had carried her and looked after her. those were the days when i still stay in marine parade! :-)
it's amazing how time just slipped by without you even realizing it!
it's amazing how time just slipped by without you even realizing it!
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
i almost died
often i hear people saying how their life flashed pass them at certain critical moments such as when they were faced with life-threatening incidents. today, i can say that this cannot be true, and if it is, then the incident must have been a rather long one becos some incidents are so split second that there wasn't even enough time for such thoughts to occur.
you see, earlier as i was driving along the tampines expressway (tpe), something happened. i was cruising at about 80-90kmph along the expressway. there were lots of car and the car in front of me was less than 15m in front of me (or so it seemed). as i looked into the rear mirror, a car was speeding towards me. just as he was about to close in to a very uncomfortable distance behind me, an object appeared from the undercarriage of the car in front of me. the object flew towards me. directly in the direction of my face. it looked like it would smash point blank into my windscreen.
for that split second, many things happened concurrently. i could only interpret what the object was (circular, metallic, shining, about 1m in diameter, and it was spinning) and what my possible reactions could be (jam-break and let the car behind crash into me, swerve to the left and hit another car, swerve to the right and hit the road divider, or keep steady and absorb the brunt of the impact). in that milli-second, the object continued it's parabolic path - fast, furious; yet, in an eerie sense that i could not explain, slow. it seemed like time had slowed down suddenly just before impact. there was no time to let life flash before me. it was too short. i need to decide my course of action. a wrong decision would mean certain death. i held my steering wheel tight. if it were to crash into me, then i, and only i will die. so be it. it would have been a better end-state than if i were to kill someone if i had reacted any other way... the moments before impact seemed a blur.
and then suddenly, time stood still. luck was on my side. the object spinned such that it's face was on the same plane as the road surface. it must have been the air flow around a moving car, just millimeters before it hit my bonnet, the object took a sudden twist and it hit the road surface. my car ran over it. i heard it bounced before it hit my car belly. a loud crashing sound. my sense of hearing overpowered every other senses. the loud crash turned into a series of clangs and then everything went back to normal. in that split moment, all was quiet. everything around me was blank. next thing i knew, i was still driving. the car in front quickly filtered to the center lane. i overtook it. the lady driver turned her head and stared at me. she too had fear on her face. i was not sure what happened to the car behind. i maintained my driving speed.
and as i said, no, my life did not flash pass me. time just stood still. at one stage, my heart stopped momentarily, my blood stopped flowing. it was eerie. it felt longer than the actual time it lasted. i arrived home some 10 minutes later. still feeling traumatized. and there was cold perspiration.
even now, i still feel a little unsettled. i think i'll bring my dog for a walk.
you see, earlier as i was driving along the tampines expressway (tpe), something happened. i was cruising at about 80-90kmph along the expressway. there were lots of car and the car in front of me was less than 15m in front of me (or so it seemed). as i looked into the rear mirror, a car was speeding towards me. just as he was about to close in to a very uncomfortable distance behind me, an object appeared from the undercarriage of the car in front of me. the object flew towards me. directly in the direction of my face. it looked like it would smash point blank into my windscreen.
for that split second, many things happened concurrently. i could only interpret what the object was (circular, metallic, shining, about 1m in diameter, and it was spinning) and what my possible reactions could be (jam-break and let the car behind crash into me, swerve to the left and hit another car, swerve to the right and hit the road divider, or keep steady and absorb the brunt of the impact). in that milli-second, the object continued it's parabolic path - fast, furious; yet, in an eerie sense that i could not explain, slow. it seemed like time had slowed down suddenly just before impact. there was no time to let life flash before me. it was too short. i need to decide my course of action. a wrong decision would mean certain death. i held my steering wheel tight. if it were to crash into me, then i, and only i will die. so be it. it would have been a better end-state than if i were to kill someone if i had reacted any other way... the moments before impact seemed a blur.
and then suddenly, time stood still. luck was on my side. the object spinned such that it's face was on the same plane as the road surface. it must have been the air flow around a moving car, just millimeters before it hit my bonnet, the object took a sudden twist and it hit the road surface. my car ran over it. i heard it bounced before it hit my car belly. a loud crashing sound. my sense of hearing overpowered every other senses. the loud crash turned into a series of clangs and then everything went back to normal. in that split moment, all was quiet. everything around me was blank. next thing i knew, i was still driving. the car in front quickly filtered to the center lane. i overtook it. the lady driver turned her head and stared at me. she too had fear on her face. i was not sure what happened to the car behind. i maintained my driving speed.
and as i said, no, my life did not flash pass me. time just stood still. at one stage, my heart stopped momentarily, my blood stopped flowing. it was eerie. it felt longer than the actual time it lasted. i arrived home some 10 minutes later. still feeling traumatized. and there was cold perspiration.
even now, i still feel a little unsettled. i think i'll bring my dog for a walk.
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
uncle
was at ikea and chanced upon an ex-colleague, a lady in her early 40s. she was with was another lady... looked like she's in her mid-20s... called out to my colleague and she walked up to me. we exchanged some pleasantries and next thing i knew, the mid-20s lady called out "hello uncle". my colleague quickly introduced her as her daughter. secondary 4 (16 yr old). for that one single moment, i didn't know how to respond. the only words that i could utter was something like - oh, so big already huh?... in my mind, i was so so totally unprepared for someone who looked so `old' to address me as uncle. well... of cos, there had been cases of market aunties calling me uncle... but that was in a very different context...
hmmm... then again, my nieces are already close to 20 yrs old and they call me `uncle'... hmmm... whatever... some things one just cannot not avoid. anyway, back to my colleague. despite the split second shock, i quickly regain myself. we spoke for a quick moment more and she left...
:-)
hmmm... then again, my nieces are already close to 20 yrs old and they call me `uncle'... hmmm... whatever... some things one just cannot not avoid. anyway, back to my colleague. despite the split second shock, i quickly regain myself. we spoke for a quick moment more and she left...
:-)
lame joke
qn: why did the north korea president not appear in public?
ans: because he is kim jong ill.
lame... haha... send this sms to my nieces and a few friends. francis got it immediately. some replied in all honesty (er,.. becos he did not want to answer for his nuclear activities replied my niece). most did not but understood and laughed immediately when i send them the reply. and well... only one did not get it... yes, only one. heh heh... thomas oh thomas... 24 hrs later this evening, he sent me another sms... er, your sms yesterday, i am still not sure what that was all about... that was so so thomas :-)
heh heh...
ans: because he is kim jong ill.
lame... haha... send this sms to my nieces and a few friends. francis got it immediately. some replied in all honesty (er,.. becos he did not want to answer for his nuclear activities replied my niece). most did not but understood and laughed immediately when i send them the reply. and well... only one did not get it... yes, only one. heh heh... thomas oh thomas... 24 hrs later this evening, he sent me another sms... er, your sms yesterday, i am still not sure what that was all about... that was so so thomas :-)
heh heh...
mum's birthday
this morning, the doctor called me again and repeated what the previous doctor said yesterday... about blood test, etc. and i asked her if mum could be discharged today. from her tone, she seemed somewhat curious... and i explained that today is mum's birthday. the next thing i knew, she exclaimed... "oh, yes! oh yes! well, i'll talk to my boss and see if she can leave by this evening latest. oh, oh, i must go and wish her happy birthday!..." heh, i was rather tickled by her response.
this afternoon, i got a call from mum telling me that she had been cleared for discharged. went to the hospital and got her one of her favourite dessert - durian ice. she was asleep, tired from all the sleepless nights in this new ward. and she's totally knocked out after being given morphine by the nurses after a light lunch.
woke her up eventually and got her home. and cooked for her dinner. and bought some extra food as a treat for her birthday. nothing special, just simple daily fare - tau pok, bitter gourd, braised egg, minced meat, black pepper chicken, prawn fritters... and i must say her appetite was really very good! felt so good to be able to see her down one whole bowl of porridge and all the condiments i bought... simple pleasures, but to someone who had to observe her diet very carefully, this meal was one great highlight for her. it meant everything to her.
and me.
happy 76th birthday mum.
:-)
this afternoon, i got a call from mum telling me that she had been cleared for discharged. went to the hospital and got her one of her favourite dessert - durian ice. she was asleep, tired from all the sleepless nights in this new ward. and she's totally knocked out after being given morphine by the nurses after a light lunch.
woke her up eventually and got her home. and cooked for her dinner. and bought some extra food as a treat for her birthday. nothing special, just simple daily fare - tau pok, bitter gourd, braised egg, minced meat, black pepper chicken, prawn fritters... and i must say her appetite was really very good! felt so good to be able to see her down one whole bowl of porridge and all the condiments i bought... simple pleasures, but to someone who had to observe her diet very carefully, this meal was one great highlight for her. it meant everything to her.
and me.
happy 76th birthday mum.
:-)
Monday, 1 December 2008
health check
got a call from sgh this morning. they will be sending mum for another round of blood checks today. this will be followed by assessment by the pain management center. if confirm that everything is ok (ie, blood count normal), she can be discharged from hospital.
either by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
:-)
either by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
:-)
inventing the future
the best way to predict the future is to invent it...
a phrase i saw on a company van this morning. thought it is very meaningful and decide to post it here.
:-)
a phrase i saw on a company van this morning. thought it is very meaningful and decide to post it here.
:-)
Sunday, 30 November 2008
lead of the family
for the longest time ever, there had not been a gathering of my paternal-side relatives. thus, my cousin's wedding dinner last evening was, to me, a significant event. i must say it was a very good turn out of family members. my elders all turned up in force. and i suspect that this good turn out was in a way a result of many who felt that this could possibly the last occasion where all of us, common descendants of our great grandfather, could congregate together again. my dad's siblings and their children (my first cousins), my dad's cousins, their children (my second cousins), and so on... most turned up.
and i found myself assuming a lead position insofar as my family is concerned. i was in charge. i had assumed the head of my family now that my dad was no longer around. with this responsibility, the need to behave as one came very naturally. it was not something that i had planned. but it was something that just occurred when my dad's siblings and cousins (my aunts and uncles) all came up to me and talked to me with a tone that was rather serious and without any question about the new status that was entrusted upon me. interestingly, this consciousness also made me extra aware of the fact that i must also reciprocate my elder's acknowledgment of me as a lead of my family. and as a mark of respect to my elders, i went up to my 3rd uncle to `officially' congratulate him. he is now technically the most senior male elder for his generation. and i'd also make sure that i symbolically go to all my dad's siblings to pay my respects.
admittedly, this consciousness of status took me by surprise. is this just me or is this something seen in all chinese families? or is it an asian thing? am i, or are we so influenced by confucious' teachings of the family as the core of our existence that it has become part of our behavioural dna?
i am still thinking.
and i found myself assuming a lead position insofar as my family is concerned. i was in charge. i had assumed the head of my family now that my dad was no longer around. with this responsibility, the need to behave as one came very naturally. it was not something that i had planned. but it was something that just occurred when my dad's siblings and cousins (my aunts and uncles) all came up to me and talked to me with a tone that was rather serious and without any question about the new status that was entrusted upon me. interestingly, this consciousness also made me extra aware of the fact that i must also reciprocate my elder's acknowledgment of me as a lead of my family. and as a mark of respect to my elders, i went up to my 3rd uncle to `officially' congratulate him. he is now technically the most senior male elder for his generation. and i'd also make sure that i symbolically go to all my dad's siblings to pay my respects.
admittedly, this consciousness of status took me by surprise. is this just me or is this something seen in all chinese families? or is it an asian thing? am i, or are we so influenced by confucious' teachings of the family as the core of our existence that it has become part of our behavioural dna?
i am still thinking.
normal ward
mum was finally moved from the high dependency ward to the normal ward this afternoon. gave my mum a glass of pear juice this afternoon and i guessed that helped her system for she cleared everything in her system when i saw her in the evening. her face was so rosy and bright. i guessed clearing her system had helped. it was such a huge contrast compared to her paleness when she was admitted last thursday night. and for the first time in 3 days, she was allowed to take soft food. a small bit of porridge, some meat and vegetable. good for a start. had also given her chicken essence with cordyceps.
:-)
:-)
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Friday, 28 November 2008
wedding
amidst all the stress and strains,
i actually am looking forward to tomorrow.
my cousin's wedding.
there has not been a wedding in my paternal side
since goodness knows when!
tomorrow it will also mark
the marriage of
the last of the 4 third generation males
in my sim family
let's see what i should wear...
my chinese dragon suit?
or my baba singapore orchid batik?
the former seemed a little taboo cos my suit is totally black
the batik would bring out my maternal side baba heritage,
black nonetheless,
but at least it has lots of huge floral motive...
such dilemmas...
:-)
i actually am looking forward to tomorrow.
my cousin's wedding.
there has not been a wedding in my paternal side
since goodness knows when!
tomorrow it will also mark
the marriage of
the last of the 4 third generation males
in my sim family
let's see what i should wear...my chinese dragon suit?
or my baba singapore orchid batik?
the former seemed a little taboo cos my suit is totally black
the batik would bring out my maternal side baba heritage,
black nonetheless,
but at least it has lots of huge floral motive...
such dilemmas...
:-)
stomach ulcers
visited my mum at the hospital in the evening. was briefed by the surgeon managing my mum. during the scope, the doctor found up to 7 huge ulcers in the stomach. when i saw the photos, i was shock! i could even feel the pain just looking at the photos! was told that the ulcers had stopped bleeding. however, the doctors were not able to give any comment on the cause of the ulcers. some tissues had been taken out and sent for biopsy. will have to wait further for the results. for now, at least the doctors were able to identify the cause of the problems and have started giving her medications to tackle the ulcers. mum should be able to take some liquid food in 2 to 3 days.
blood transfusion
as at lunchtime, mum had been transfused with 1 pint of blood and half of the second pint. was told she would be given a total of 3 pints. had also received a call from the doctor asking me to give consent for her to be scoped. apparently, it seemed like my mum was against the idea of scoping when it was told to her this morning. but when i visited her, she readily agreed. with the blood transfusion going on, her face was a bit more rosy and lively (although still cannot move).
and as i am typing this post, she is undergoing the scope. was told she would be under some mild sedation and that they would scope her stomach and a small portion of her small intestines. results expected later this evening.
and as i am typing this post, she is undergoing the scope. was told she would be under some mild sedation and that they would scope her stomach and a small portion of her small intestines. results expected later this evening.
blood deficiency
had not slept well for the past 3 nights due to nightmares. some dreams about my mum but could not recall what the dreams were when i woke up. just felt something bad was going to happen. just this morning (or rather, yesterday morning), i had told bee that i sensed something really bad would happened to my mum soon. soon enough, my second sis smsed me late afternoon when i was at work telling me that my mum had constipated since sunday. it didn't sound good and i did not feel too good about it. it sounded too similar to one previous incident in 2006. i immediately rushed down to see her. decided to make some vegetable porridge for her for dinner and to assure myself that she was ok. and seeing her finished the vegetable porridge, i felt better. i left her not long after. that was about 5.30pm.
at about 8.45pm, i received an sms from my brother telling me that he had brought my mum to sgh a&e. i was in the middle of my dinner with bee at ikea tampines. rushed down to the hospital. mum had apparently turned pale not too long after i left. and she complained of chest pains and had weakened tremendously. when i saw her at the a&e critical care ward, she was mumbling weakly "sakit, sakit" (malay for pain, pain) none stop. her face was terribly pale. the doctor attending to her conducted quite a few tests - ecg, blood test, x-rays, and so on... she was then transferred to the observation ward. and at about midnight, we were told that her blood count was critically low and based on her stool test, she had apparently suffered some internal bleeding.
she was given some injection, put on a drip and was immediately admitted. i was told that she would be given urgent blood transfusion before day break. later today, the doctors would be scoping her stomach to check for possible internal tears before deciding on an appropriate management plan. before i left her at about 3 plus earlier, i asked if she was scared or if she was worried. as expected, she answered no, confidently.
she is a strong woman. i hope she can pull through this.
at about 8.45pm, i received an sms from my brother telling me that he had brought my mum to sgh a&e. i was in the middle of my dinner with bee at ikea tampines. rushed down to the hospital. mum had apparently turned pale not too long after i left. and she complained of chest pains and had weakened tremendously. when i saw her at the a&e critical care ward, she was mumbling weakly "sakit, sakit" (malay for pain, pain) none stop. her face was terribly pale. the doctor attending to her conducted quite a few tests - ecg, blood test, x-rays, and so on... she was then transferred to the observation ward. and at about midnight, we were told that her blood count was critically low and based on her stool test, she had apparently suffered some internal bleeding.
she was given some injection, put on a drip and was immediately admitted. i was told that she would be given urgent blood transfusion before day break. later today, the doctors would be scoping her stomach to check for possible internal tears before deciding on an appropriate management plan. before i left her at about 3 plus earlier, i asked if she was scared or if she was worried. as expected, she answered no, confidently.
she is a strong woman. i hope she can pull through this.
Thursday, 27 November 2008
cruising on the roads
looking at cuties and getting return looks while driving on the road gives the phrase "cruising on the road" a whole new meaning!
and talking about this, on my way home earlier, i stopped by a traffic junction at mandai road. in the midst of replying an sms, i sensed someone staring at me. a pick up had apparently stopped alongside and in it, i saw a superbly cute boy (early 20's i guess...), i returned the look / stare, and he quickly looked away. just then the lights turned green. and next thing i knew, he struck a superman pose and shouted something... and then he sped off... kawaiii neh! can die! i tried to catch up but that guy was really a road speedster! he was going like 120km/hr along a 60km/hr road!
well, i smiled and continued my way home!
:-)
and talking about this, on my way home earlier, i stopped by a traffic junction at mandai road. in the midst of replying an sms, i sensed someone staring at me. a pick up had apparently stopped alongside and in it, i saw a superbly cute boy (early 20's i guess...), i returned the look / stare, and he quickly looked away. just then the lights turned green. and next thing i knew, he struck a superman pose and shouted something... and then he sped off... kawaiii neh! can die! i tried to catch up but that guy was really a road speedster! he was going like 120km/hr along a 60km/hr road!
well, i smiled and continued my way home!
:-)
image from http://www.fathead.com
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
my early years
listening to the stories told by my mum (about her early days, difficulties with my grands, child-bearing years), it was no wonder that i grew up bearing a very strong hatred towards my grandma. i couldn't make sense of why my mum bothered to continue to look after my grandma when she was old. i couldn't make sense of why she went through all the troubles to take care of my grandma, bathe her, clothed her, and tended to her every needs during my grandma's last days. i couldn't understand her even after she explained to me that it was her duty to do so as a daughter-in-law.
and this is one thing about my mum that i really admired. her sense of duty - that once you marry into a family, you stick by it.
despite the many times she left home when i was a little boy, she would returned after a few days. she just couldn't bear the thought of leaving my dad for good. call it stupid call it foolish, whatever you term it, she had stuck by my dad and his family. time and again when i asked her why, she kept telling me it is cos she had married my dad and that based on a fortune teller's advise, if she were to endure, she would be able to last a lifetime with my dad. she did.
i was closer to my mum, my dad was an invisible character given the fact that he worked shifts. her story telling also had a very strong but negative effect on me. from her stories, i naively ended up expressing my dislike for my grandma by resisting anything chinese/ hokkien. for example, when i was a boy, i would try to identify myself more as peranakan instead of hokkien. i would wear sarong, listen to malay songs, dance the joget, sing the dondang sayang, etc... everything i did, it was simply out of spite. in a way, i denied my own chineseness.
these were the key factors that influenced my identity during my formative years. my dislike for all things chinese lasted until my junior college days when i re-discover chinese culture all over again.
and this is one thing about my mum that i really admired. her sense of duty - that once you marry into a family, you stick by it.
despite the many times she left home when i was a little boy, she would returned after a few days. she just couldn't bear the thought of leaving my dad for good. call it stupid call it foolish, whatever you term it, she had stuck by my dad and his family. time and again when i asked her why, she kept telling me it is cos she had married my dad and that based on a fortune teller's advise, if she were to endure, she would be able to last a lifetime with my dad. she did.
i was closer to my mum, my dad was an invisible character given the fact that he worked shifts. her story telling also had a very strong but negative effect on me. from her stories, i naively ended up expressing my dislike for my grandma by resisting anything chinese/ hokkien. for example, when i was a boy, i would try to identify myself more as peranakan instead of hokkien. i would wear sarong, listen to malay songs, dance the joget, sing the dondang sayang, etc... everything i did, it was simply out of spite. in a way, i denied my own chineseness.
these were the key factors that influenced my identity during my formative years. my dislike for all things chinese lasted until my junior college days when i re-discover chinese culture all over again.
old stories - part 3
the preceding post covered my mum's early marriage years. this part will focus on my mum's life from the time my second sis was borned to the time my brother was borned
- my second sis was borned in aug 1961. by then, my parents had moved out of kampong paya lebar and have moved to upper paya lebar road (near tai seng village). it was a birth that took my mum by surprise. she arrived early. being inexperienced with childbirth and given that the due date was still some time away, she did not expect my sis's arrival. all she knew was that she felt an ache at the tummy and had wanted to go to the toilet. things happened very fast then and before she knew it, the water bag burst and my second sis arrived. (a second version of this story, which was also related to me by my mum, when she's demented, was that my second sis was born in the taxi as she rushed to the hospital after her water bag burst, whichever story is the correct one, there is one consistency - that my sis was born out of the hospital in a place that is unexpected).
- the arrival of my second sis meant that there are two baby girls in the family now. this did not go well with my grandma. and given the strong desire to have a grandson, somehow, all the hatred were directed onto my mum, and i suspect, indirectly, my second sis.
- my grandma increased her pressure on my dad to leave my mum. this created tremendous stress on my mum. some of the things that my grandma resorted to include, amongst others, black magic, burning and drinking of talismans, drugging my dad, and so on. at one stage, my dad left my mum and went back to live with my grandma.
- between 1961 and 1965, my mum got pregnant two more times. both times, my grandma drugged her and cast spells (don't ask me how) on her. and both times, she miscarried. the two babies she lost were boys. this didn't matter to my grandma for she had reach a point where she just wanted my dad to divorce her. amidst all these, my grandpa sided with my mum. he felt that my grandma had not been fair to my mum.
by this time, the emotional stress and strains had taken its toll on my mum. she went into depression and had to be placed on anti-depressant medication for life. my mum attempted suicide a few times but did not succeed. during one of the occasions, she woke up and found herself in the hospital. and in her bad state, she saw the vision of sakyamuni buddha in front of her. a monk paid her a visit, said some prayers and gave her some holy water. my mum claimed that she felt a sense of relieve and that all tensions in her was cleared. when she left the hospital, the first thing she did was to make her way to the temple. it was located at upper thomson road. the monk that prayed for her was the resident monk of this temple. the buddha that she saw had the same likeness as the buddha in this temple (see picture). it was then that she got herself baptised into buddhism. the resident monk that baptised her was none other that master hong choon, and the temple is kong meng san phor kak see (also known as bright hill temple). my mum was given the buddhist name "bu hao".
- things became a little better after this spat of events. my dad returned. in dec 1966, i was borned. i would not have been borned had my two elder brothers survived. my birth also marked the arrival of a first boy in the family. things got a bit better. 3 years later in may 1969, my brother was borned. not long after that my granddad passed away.
old stories - part 2
the preceding post had focused on my mum's early years. this part shall focus on the early days of my mum's marriage.- mum came from a peranakan family, whereas dad came from a hokkien family. mum's family was very much localised in their way of life and her father was rather westernised, having been schooled in english and worked as a clerk in a law firm. in contrast, my paternal grandfather was a coolie that came from china. my dad, for that matter, was smuggled into singapore by my paternal grandparents. naturally, dad's family was superbly old-thinking when it came to marriages and kids, etc. as a result, mum was not well-liked by my paternal grandma (her mum-in-law) and this tension was to subsequently wreck havoc for her.
- by the 50s, mum's family had moved to paya lebar (where the paya lebar mrt now stands), and she lived a few houses away from dad. they fell in love and one day, dad went over to her house and asked for her hand in marriage. my maternal grandfather agreed, on condition that he take care of her well. they were ahead of their time as during those days in the mid-50's, a lot of marriages were still pre-arranged. but for them, they met, fell in love.
- my mum married my dad on the 26 oct 1956. they were both 24 yrs old at that time. it was an event that the whole kampong turned up to watch. my mum wore a white wedding dress matched with white hand bouquets. similarly my dad wore a full white suit. they looked very matching. as per tradition, my mum cried as she left her house for my dad's house (which was a few houses down the kampong lane).
- from the start, my grandma did not like my mum. she had preferred my dad to marry a chinese woman, not a peranakan. not a nonya from down the lane. such was the mentality of the older generation where they preferred their sons to marry someone from their own clan. my dad's had broken all rules and married someone from outside his hokkien clan.
- the early years of my mum's marriage was bad. she was ostracized and often criticized by my grandma for not being able to bear any grand children even after three years of her marriage. at one stage, my grandma even went as far as tried to arrange for my dad to take up a second wife, or at least, have an affair with someone so that he could sire a grandchild for her.
- this caused my mum tremendous emotional strain. in desperation, she consulted a medium. the medium advised her to adopt a baby and told her that if she adopt a girl, she would be able to bear a daughter. and that if she adopt a boy, she would be able to get a son. in desperation, she started looking for a baby for adoption. it so happened that her eldest brother, my tua ku, had just had a daughter. and because he already had many children (i think he already had 6 or 7 children by then), he gave his newly borned daughter to my mom. this baby girl is now my eldest sis.
- my eldest sis brought some reprieve to my mum. nonetheless, being a daughter of my uncle, my uncle and maternal grandfather had warned my dad that he should treat my sis well or he would have to face consequences. he doted on her. but as he had wanted a son (as per all traditional chinese family), he would dress my eldest sis as a boy. this was to carry on until my sis reached school going age.
- two years later, in 1961, my mum gave birth to my second sis. for some unknown reasons, my dad didn't like my second sis. he would show superbly strong favouritism between the two girls. this eventually took its toll on my second sis. the pain and anger still exist today.
that was how my two sisters came into being in the late 50s to early 60s. the arrival of my second sister and the absence of any baby boy in the family saw the start of a series of events that would eventually destroy my mum. this will be covered in the next post.
old stories - part 1
i always find it very enjoyable to talk to my relatives about the past... and for that matter, from my parents and siblings, about their experiences when they were young, when i was still too young to know what the hell was going on. it is always very interesting to hear different views and different aspects of each other in the days passed. the following are some stories that i heard over the pass years/ months from my mum.
- my mum was borned on 02 dec 1932. at the time of her birth, my grandparents stayed at geylang lorong 33. the place is still around but she could no longer remember the house she had stayed. during her growing up days, my grandfather would bring her and her sisters out to play when she was a young girl. she remembered being brought to the padang but all these ended after my grandfather got himself a second wife. my grandfather often quarrelled with my grandma after that.
- amongst my mum's sisters and her, she was the most obedient, introverted and naive. because of her introversion, my grandfather gave my mum the nickname "bisu" (meaning "mute") when she was young. my mum was often bullied by her siblings, and even my grandmother. but my grandfather protected her, despite being very strict with her.
- my grandfather would allocate my mum and her sisters specific houseworks to do. for her, her duties were marketing and cooking. as for my aunts, they were tasked to do other things in the household such as cleaning the dishes. they never got to learn the finer details of peranakan cooking as a result. because of that, she grew up being the main cook of the household and her brothers would all eat only her cooking and not when my aunts cooked. she went on to be the midwife/ cook for my eldest uncle when his children were born.
- besides cooking for the family, she also ironed the clothes of the family. my uncles would not wear clothes that were ironed by my aunts as they often complained it was not "shiny" enough. those days, they would starch their clothes and when ironed, the clothes would look shiny and stiff enough to "stand".
- my maternal parents always believed that girls are considered a curse. they should be kept out of sight, not attend schools and be confined to the kitchen. as a result, all my maternal-side aunts, less my 5th aunt, did not get any formal education. as for my mum, she secretly learned english from my uncles. at her peak, she was able to speak and write basic english. as for my 5th aunt, she was lucky in that my grand-dad decided to sent her to school and she managed to complete basic-level education (equivalent to primary school in todays' context). she grew up educated, married a principal and moved to penang eventually.
- during the japanese occupation, life was tough and my grandparents had to sell some of the daughters off as `slaves' to rich chinese families in return for food and cash. my mum and my 3rd aunt were sold to two different families that resided in lim teck boo area (an area near upper paya lebar today). my mum was given the name kim lan and was made to do housework as well as to tend the domestic fowls. during those days, life was bad. they would survive on cassava porridge and nothing else. and to keep them going, my aunt would steal freshly hatched eggs. she would eat them raw and hid the shells by burying them in the soil.
- according to my mum, i had a grand uncle who was taken away during the japanese occupation period. accordingly, the japanese soldiers came to the house one night and took him away after he confessed that he had worked for the harbour board. he never came back. the family learned later that he was killed but never received any further news of the location of his body.
- after the japanese occupation, for reasons unknown, my mum and 3rd aunt returned to my grandparents. the family had moved from geylang lorong 33 to paya lebar kampong (opposite the current paya lebar mrt station). that was where she met my dad who lived just a few houses from her.
- my maternal grandmother never really liked my mum when she was young. my mum said this was because she didn't work as thus could not give her (my grandmother) allowances. on the other hand, my grandmother was closer to my third aunt (my mum's elder sister) as she worked and gave her allowances. for that matter, my grandmother was afraid of my third aunt cos apart from providing her with allowances, my third aunt also was famous for standing up to her rights. she would demand for things and would go as far as to raise her voice at my grandmother. thankfully, my third aunt would also stand up for my mum whenever she felt my grandmother was unfair.
- my mum and her sisters (especially my third aunt) would head to the cinema every other days to watch shows. those days, each ticket cost 60cents and they would watch weekday shows when the cinema was less crowded. some of the cinemas that they would frequent include singapura in geylang serai where shows by p ramlee were often shown, as well as capitol and cathay in town.
- in the old days, workers were categorised simply as clerks (white-collared workers) (or in hokkien - zhai hu), or labourers (blue-collared workers). generally, clerks were generally more respected and earned more compared to labourers. my grandfather was a clerk and worked in a law firm (think he was an administration assistant or something). as a result, he took back a good salary (relatively speaking). on year ends when he gets his bonuses, he would give $30 to my mum and her sisters. they would splurge on dresses, much to the displeasure of my grandfather. to him, it was the kebaya and nothing else. dresses were for cabaret girls, he would say.
- my parents were ahead of their time. during those days in the mid-50's, a lot of marriages were still pre-arranged. but for my parents, they met, fell in love and eventually got married on 26 oct 1956. i understood that my mum was not well-liked by my paternal grandma (her mum-in-law) and this tension was to subsequently wreck havoc for her.
will add on as i go along...
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
start of year end...
if the past two days were a reflection of the next few weeks, i'll probably be bored to death. all courses that my college conducts have ended. things are quiet without the students. and from next week, most of my colleagues will be clearing their leave and heading overseas for their year end holidays. for me, i will most probably be at work blasting my computer keyboard away. have been given the task to get the training management plan out. need to do it before the next course starts in jan 09 cos once it starts, i will be fully engaged with my students.
i have also started reflecting about my life in 2008. and as it stands, i still cannot find a good descriptor that can aptly describe it. all i know was that this year, family-wise, it couldn't be worst - my dad passed away, my mum got very much weaker, i came out to my brother, my brother `disowned' me, my eldest sister stopped talking to me, and so on... personal/ work life was however much better - i graduated with a masters degree, i got my job extended, i have also made a couple of good friends (although many have also faded away)... 3 more months to go before the rat makes way for the cow (or buffalo... watever).
as the prediction goes, the year of the rat will be a challenging one for me. i can now see why. 3 more months to go. let's see how much more challenging this rat year will be for me. as it stands, all predictions point to a better year ahead and i really look forward to it.
i have also started reflecting about my life in 2008. and as it stands, i still cannot find a good descriptor that can aptly describe it. all i know was that this year, family-wise, it couldn't be worst - my dad passed away, my mum got very much weaker, i came out to my brother, my brother `disowned' me, my eldest sister stopped talking to me, and so on... personal/ work life was however much better - i graduated with a masters degree, i got my job extended, i have also made a couple of good friends (although many have also faded away)... 3 more months to go before the rat makes way for the cow (or buffalo... watever).
as the prediction goes, the year of the rat will be a challenging one for me. i can now see why. 3 more months to go. let's see how much more challenging this rat year will be for me. as it stands, all predictions point to a better year ahead and i really look forward to it.
image from http://www.wallpapergate.com/
Sunday, 23 November 2008
baby me
this was me - 4 months old. overweight baby. one of my earliest studio photo. pride and joy of my parents.
:-)
:-)
my bee bee
this is my bee bee when he was a beh bee (baby). there is a 12-year age gap between us even the baby photos shows - mine was in black and white whereas his is in colour.:-)
renting out
it was weird when out of no when i received 4-5 continuous calls from my mum at about 8plus this morning. the calls were about bringing her personal stuff to my brother's place. it was weird for a few reasons - firstly, it was early. for sundays, 8plus was considered early. we would usually wake up closer to 9am. secondly, my mum had earlier reminded me to keep her stuff at my home intact. this so that she could visit me once she's stronger. she even told me she will visit me in dec. thirdly, to receive 4-5 calls from her continuously was unprecendented. far as my mum was concerned, she would call me once or twice at most. but getting 4-5 calls reflected a certain urgency that i have never observed before.
at first, i obliged and just agreed to bring whatever she asked - slippers, bolster cover, clothes, shoes, hand cream, and so on. i took it as that she just wanted her personal stuff close to her. nonetheless, i could not make sense of her urgency given that she had earlier reminded me to keep her stuff well and intact. and for a moment, i was kinda worried. and when the calls kept coming none stop, i decided to ask her why. admittedly, i was beginning to feel a bit annoyed.
she told me that she understood from my 3rd uncle that i will be renting out her room and as such, she wanted to make sure i don't lose her things. i was shocked. i asked for further details. apparently, my uncle had told my brother that he learned from my cousin i will be renting out the house (this is where the story got a bit distorted). i reminded myself not to make any assumptions or jump to any conclusions about the background of this hearsay. i assured her that i will not be doing so as i am still waiting for her to recover so that she could come and stay with me. i also reminded her that if there should be anything she wanted to know of me, she should ask me direct and not make conclusions from what she heard from others - even if it was my uncles, cousins and so on for that matter.
with this assurance, she told me that i need not bring her stuff to her anymore. and that i should continue to keep it in her room for her. uneventful episode. shan't read too much into it. it could be a case of miscommunications, it could be a case of my mum being confused, and so on.
at first, i obliged and just agreed to bring whatever she asked - slippers, bolster cover, clothes, shoes, hand cream, and so on. i took it as that she just wanted her personal stuff close to her. nonetheless, i could not make sense of her urgency given that she had earlier reminded me to keep her stuff well and intact. and for a moment, i was kinda worried. and when the calls kept coming none stop, i decided to ask her why. admittedly, i was beginning to feel a bit annoyed.
she told me that she understood from my 3rd uncle that i will be renting out her room and as such, she wanted to make sure i don't lose her things. i was shocked. i asked for further details. apparently, my uncle had told my brother that he learned from my cousin i will be renting out the house (this is where the story got a bit distorted). i reminded myself not to make any assumptions or jump to any conclusions about the background of this hearsay. i assured her that i will not be doing so as i am still waiting for her to recover so that she could come and stay with me. i also reminded her that if there should be anything she wanted to know of me, she should ask me direct and not make conclusions from what she heard from others - even if it was my uncles, cousins and so on for that matter.
with this assurance, she told me that i need not bring her stuff to her anymore. and that i should continue to keep it in her room for her. uneventful episode. shan't read too much into it. it could be a case of miscommunications, it could be a case of my mum being confused, and so on.
Saturday, 22 November 2008
crying mum
visited my mum at about noon yesterday and saw her eyes wet and tearing. understood from the domestic helper that she had been crying the whole morning as her legs were painful. she smiled when i visited her. she was weak and had no strength to even sit up properly. i had to cajole her into eating the bowl of porridge.
today, visited her again. she looked a little stronger and could take small steps. spoke with her as we watched tv. she told me she had dreamed of my dad last night. she said that in her dream, she and my dad were playing games. she asked for the time. and when i told her it was 1 plus, she gave a small sigh and said that being a weekend, there was no 1pm news. and then she added that my dad would always relate stories to her when he watched the 1pm news every day. she told me she missed my dad. kinda sad when i heard it. but it was understandable. having been married to him for more than 52 years, it must have been very difficult not to miss him after his demise.
i left my brother's place with a heavy heart.
today, visited her again. she looked a little stronger and could take small steps. spoke with her as we watched tv. she told me she had dreamed of my dad last night. she said that in her dream, she and my dad were playing games. she asked for the time. and when i told her it was 1 plus, she gave a small sigh and said that being a weekend, there was no 1pm news. and then she added that my dad would always relate stories to her when he watched the 1pm news every day. she told me she missed my dad. kinda sad when i heard it. but it was understandable. having been married to him for more than 52 years, it must have been very difficult not to miss him after his demise.
i left my brother's place with a heavy heart.
Friday, 21 November 2008
course graduation
this time last year, i posted a blog about the end of a course i managed. and once again, i am posting another blog here about the current course that will graduate today. this year's course was no less packed and busy compared to last year. however, as i was not the main co-ordinator, the level of interactions with the students was much less intense.
regardless, i still see the students like my babies (i am sure all educators/ teachers can understand what i mean and how i feel). it was certainly very satisfying to see them grow and mature over the last 5 over weeks. and i am sure i will feel very proud when i see them walk up the stage to receive their certificate later today. i am also equally sure that when i get back to office next week, i will feel a little sense of lost and emptiness. then again, i have learned to detach myself from these feelings and to focus on taking a `rest' and to look forward to start of the next course.
:-)
regardless, i still see the students like my babies (i am sure all educators/ teachers can understand what i mean and how i feel). it was certainly very satisfying to see them grow and mature over the last 5 over weeks. and i am sure i will feel very proud when i see them walk up the stage to receive their certificate later today. i am also equally sure that when i get back to office next week, i will feel a little sense of lost and emptiness. then again, i have learned to detach myself from these feelings and to focus on taking a `rest' and to look forward to start of the next course.
:-)
Thursday, 20 November 2008
home
it felt almost like a miracle when i received the sms from the domestic helper this morning telling me that mum's tube had been removed and that she would be discharged this evening. almost couldn't believed it cos just last evening, she was still incoherent and confused. anyway, when i picked her up in the evening, she looked well and did not appear confused at all. apart from her weakness, she was generally ok and she could talk to me.
for now, her medications had been changed and she had been told to stay on strict porridge diet.
:-)
for now, her medications had been changed and she had been told to stay on strict porridge diet.
:-)
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
of doctors and wikipedia
it was certainly not very assuring for patients and families alike to see a doctor doing some checks in wikipedia for some whatever symptoms while he makes his rounds. but that was exactly what i witnessed when i visited my mum at the hospital two days back...
anyway, i visited my mum today and was told that she might be able to eat porridge from tomorrow. also, the tube that was inserted thru her nostril into her stomach for tube-feeding could possibly be removed tomorrow given that she is responding well to her medications. nonetheless, she was still a little confused and kept thinking that she was at home. but it was clear that the possibility of having the tube removed had certainly cheered her up. and she was telling me that she might be going home very soon.
i was so happy to see her so cheerful.
:-)
anyway, i visited my mum today and was told that she might be able to eat porridge from tomorrow. also, the tube that was inserted thru her nostril into her stomach for tube-feeding could possibly be removed tomorrow given that she is responding well to her medications. nonetheless, she was still a little confused and kept thinking that she was at home. but it was clear that the possibility of having the tube removed had certainly cheered her up. and she was telling me that she might be going home very soon.
i was so happy to see her so cheerful.
:-)
Monday, 17 November 2008
flight of dragons
i am so glad to have found this clip in youtube. this is one of the most memorable cartoon for me. watch it when i was a boy and till today i could still sing the song :-)
flight of dragons (don mclean)
flight of dragons soar in the purple light
in the sky or in my mind
flight of dragons sail past reality
leave illusion behind
is it the past i see
when i look up to the heavens
believing in the magic
that i know could never be
i want to go where they are going
into the world they've been
can i open up my mind enough to see
flight of dragons, heavenly argosies
catch the wind, rise out of sight
flight of dragons, pilots of fantasy
in the sky or in my mind
flight of dragons
flight of dragons
changi? cck?
there was one big worrying thing we observed when we visited mum earlier on. she has had the the tube inserted. and after given the milky solution, she started having mild diarrhea. but the most worrying thing was the fact that she kept forgetting where she was. one moment, she said she was in changi (my place), the next moment, she said she was in cck (my brother's place). and then she would remind us to keep her slippers despite the fact the her slippers were at home.
despite all these, i was at least glad that she was rather cheerful when we spoke with her.
despite all these, i was at least glad that she was rather cheerful when we spoke with her.
tube feeding
good news - my mum looked a little better today following antibiotics treatment.
bad news - the hospital discovered that her oesophagus has become constricted and suspected that it was the cause of her constant vomiting. the doctor also suspected that some of the regurgitated food could have flowed into her lungs thereby causing the pneunomia. to minimize regurgitation, she has been kept off all food since saturday. and in order to sustain her, the hospital has placed her on tube feed. further tests are still being conducted. we were also told that there is a possibility that she may be placed on tube feed permanently. when told of the need to insert the tube, my mum was very hesitant. she kept asking if it was going to be painful and it took us a lot of effort to explain to her that she will feel at most some minor discomfort. i find this behaviour very weird. all her life, she has been very brave and receptive of treatment. in addition, she has all along been very tolerant of pain. perhaps it was not pain that she was afraid of?
:-(
bad news - the hospital discovered that her oesophagus has become constricted and suspected that it was the cause of her constant vomiting. the doctor also suspected that some of the regurgitated food could have flowed into her lungs thereby causing the pneunomia. to minimize regurgitation, she has been kept off all food since saturday. and in order to sustain her, the hospital has placed her on tube feed. further tests are still being conducted. we were also told that there is a possibility that she may be placed on tube feed permanently. when told of the need to insert the tube, my mum was very hesitant. she kept asking if it was going to be painful and it took us a lot of effort to explain to her that she will feel at most some minor discomfort. i find this behaviour very weird. all her life, she has been very brave and receptive of treatment. in addition, she has all along been very tolerant of pain. perhaps it was not pain that she was afraid of?
:-(
being judgemental
last week, i was walking pass my colleague's office when i overheard a very interesting conversation. apparently, my big boss was also inside and my colleague, upon reading the newspaper, passed a remark about how mainlander chinese were too much to brand gong li a traitor for obtaining singapore citizenship. after he passed that remark, my big boss added something along the line that chinese people could be unreasonable and that they could be over-nationalistic and brand people all sorts of negative names just because they do not conform to what a mainlander would consider to be norm.
before the conversation could proceed further, i interjected. i reminded them that we had reacted similarly when our fellow singaporeans migrated sometime back. i reminded them that we had labeled our own people "quitters". well, upon my interjection, a momentary silence followed and next thing i knew, i boss acknowledged with a hummppphh and nod. the conversation died straight away.
guess sometimes we can be blinded by our own pride and made conclusions too fast without realising that we had committed similar acts before.
before the conversation could proceed further, i interjected. i reminded them that we had reacted similarly when our fellow singaporeans migrated sometime back. i reminded them that we had labeled our own people "quitters". well, upon my interjection, a momentary silence followed and next thing i knew, i boss acknowledged with a hummppphh and nod. the conversation died straight away.
guess sometimes we can be blinded by our own pride and made conclusions too fast without realising that we had committed similar acts before.
Sunday, 16 November 2008
100 days
it's past 11pm. that means, it's 100 days since my dad passed away. that also means that my mourning will end today (technically, tomorrow) (ya, confusing i know, but 11pm is considered a new day for the lunar calender)... and tomorrow (which is technically still the 100th day), we'll have to head to the columbarium again for the final rites.
all over again. same process as per what we went through over the past 3 months or so. but sadly, this time round, my mum will not be able to join us as she's in the hospital. it's sad cos this is the day she had looked forward to. and i can imagine how disappointed she must be feeling. she had dutifully carried out what she felt was her responsibilities as a wife. she sat beside his coffin throughout the wake. occasionally, she would limp her way to the side of the coffin and spoke to him. after the funeral, she ensured we paid our respects on the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th week after his demise. she also made sure we carried out the prayers on his birthday. she will not be with us tomorrow. but she can be assured we will do the necessary prayers. the past 3 months had passed very quickly. overall, i am glad that there was a lot of closure for everyone over my dad's passing.
i must now ensure my mum lives her remaining days happy.
all over again. same process as per what we went through over the past 3 months or so. but sadly, this time round, my mum will not be able to join us as she's in the hospital. it's sad cos this is the day she had looked forward to. and i can imagine how disappointed she must be feeling. she had dutifully carried out what she felt was her responsibilities as a wife. she sat beside his coffin throughout the wake. occasionally, she would limp her way to the side of the coffin and spoke to him. after the funeral, she ensured we paid our respects on the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th week after his demise. she also made sure we carried out the prayers on his birthday. she will not be with us tomorrow. but she can be assured we will do the necessary prayers. the past 3 months had passed very quickly. overall, i am glad that there was a lot of closure for everyone over my dad's passing.
i must now ensure my mum lives her remaining days happy.
national service days
listening to the song "明天會更好" certainly brought back a lot of memories, especially of my ns days. the song was released when i did my cadet training in taiwan and it kept me company when i was confined to camp during my r&r for misfiring during one of the company training... well, will expand on this another time. but for now, i think it would be appropriate to write some quick bites about my ns days in the 80s. the 2 over years were certainly very good and very memorable for me.
ns in 80s were really tough. that was the time when the army trains a person's character and endurance. by today's standards, it would have been branded ill treatment many times over. leadership development was a very hands on affair. unlike today where it focuses a lot more on the cognitive domain and reflection. less on the hands on and even much less on the experiential learning part. well... will write those another time. the following list some very quick tours i did as an nsf.
i was enlisted into the army and was posted to infantry training depot (itd) for my basic military training (bmt). that was in tekong. mar 1985. i was posted to lion company, platoon 41 section 3 bed 5.
after my bmt, i landed in officer cadet school (ocs). i was in the 2/85 iocc batch and served my 9 months as a cadet in echo company, platoon 15. section 1. bed 9 (i was the only one to retain this room from junior to senior term). ocs was hell. i wouldn't go through it again if i had a choice. but it certainly holds a lot of good memories for me. how we were tekan-ed. how we were stripped of all our dignity from the start, go through 9 months of hell and emerged as young officers.
following my ocs, i was posted to infantry training depot (itd) as platoon commander (pc). itd trains recruits and i was the pc for platoon 26, gryphon company - the siao on company. took two batches of recruits before assuming the concurrent appointment of company 2nd-in-charge (2ic). after my company tactics and basic intelligence course, i was posted back to itd as a project officer in the headquarters until i went for my uni studies in jul 87.
:-)
ns in 80s were really tough. that was the time when the army trains a person's character and endurance. by today's standards, it would have been branded ill treatment many times over. leadership development was a very hands on affair. unlike today where it focuses a lot more on the cognitive domain and reflection. less on the hands on and even much less on the experiential learning part. well... will write those another time. the following list some very quick tours i did as an nsf.
i was enlisted into the army and was posted to infantry training depot (itd) for my basic military training (bmt). that was in tekong. mar 1985. i was posted to lion company, platoon 41 section 3 bed 5.
after my bmt, i landed in officer cadet school (ocs). i was in the 2/85 iocc batch and served my 9 months as a cadet in echo company, platoon 15. section 1. bed 9 (i was the only one to retain this room from junior to senior term). ocs was hell. i wouldn't go through it again if i had a choice. but it certainly holds a lot of good memories for me. how we were tekan-ed. how we were stripped of all our dignity from the start, go through 9 months of hell and emerged as young officers.
following my ocs, i was posted to infantry training depot (itd) as platoon commander (pc). itd trains recruits and i was the pc for platoon 26, gryphon company - the siao on company. took two batches of recruits before assuming the concurrent appointment of company 2nd-in-charge (2ic). after my company tactics and basic intelligence course, i was posted back to itd as a project officer in the headquarters until i went for my uni studies in jul 87.
:-)
the following are the details
tomorrow will be better
dennis posted this song "明天會更好" (it means "tomorrow will be better") in his blog. listening to it reminds me so much of my ocs days back in the mid-80s. the days of pants so baggy you can put two chicken inside, and where the size of our shoulder pads were comparable to a size-d bra cup! ahem ;-) anyway, the lyrics of the song is so apt in today's gloomy climate. tomorrow will be better. i am sure. hang on there. the only direction possible when things are at its lowest point is up.
and on a separate note, some further reflections:
and on a separate note, some further reflections:
- what happened to taiwan? when the song was recorded in the '80s, taiwan was in its hey days. the people were proud, united and very much nationalistic. taiwan today is nothing near what it was then. has democracy brought it to what it is today? or was it a case of the country being hijacked by politics?
- all the singers look so young. these were the heavyweights in the entertainment scene then. today, many are still around and still very influential in the scene. still very diva, in fact, more so. in contrast, today's entertainer/ singers come and go very quickly. i see similar developments in the west. why? case of technology? case of commercialisation?
Saturday, 15 November 2008
bedbugs
when i was at the a&e observation ward earlier, i observed this very interesting (and somewhat funny) incident. one staff nurse asked another: "how?! how?! how?! i got a patient who's been warded. but the patient has bedbugs and the ward has refused to accept... how?! how?!"
heh heh... i supposed such occurrences in singapore hospitals are few and rare and when it happens, it can be rather difficult. well, after calling a few numbers, she managed to sent the patient to the isolation ward.
:-)
heh heh... i supposed such occurrences in singapore hospitals are few and rare and when it happens, it can be rather difficult. well, after calling a few numbers, she managed to sent the patient to the isolation ward.
:-)
pneumonia
mum has been diagnosed with pneumonia. to be admitted for further tests. for now, things seemed ok.
mum in hospital
just received this sms from my brother - mum is critically ill and very weak. she is now in sgh a&e. doctors assessing her. expected to be warded.
Friday, 14 November 2008
bloated n swollen
there are things happening to mum these couple of weeks that i cannot understand. for example, why did her legs get bloated and swollen a couple of weeks back? and when she went to see the doctor, she was told she had drunk too much water. she was given some medication and everything went back to normal. and then came bloated hands... and today, her face apparently got bloated. and my brother gave her some medications to bring it down. looking at the trend, it seemed rather worrisome. could it be that her kidneys are failing? or could it be related to her heart? or her diet? what other reasons could there be?...
sighs...
sighs...
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