my nephew has the habit of clinging to me these days.
whenever i head to the house, once he sees me, he would break into tears and then grab me tightly. he would then refuse to let go of me through the day. and when i leave the house (or for that matter, even when i head to the loo), he would cry and wail like as though i am abandoning him!
well, i did some research in the net and understood that it is normal for children at this age (about 15 to 24 months) to show signs of separation anxiety. and that it is actually good for them if managed well. but really, looking at the intensity of his clinginess, it kinda makes me a little worried if he is ok. and i am especially worried becos i also came to know that his elder sister, who is already 3 years old, has been beating him up quite frequently.
it seemed like there are signs of jealousy and sibling rivalry for attention from their parents now.
hmmm….
Hi Jeffrey,
ReplyDeleteI would suspect there is tension in the house; at least, from your nephew's perception.
I actually felt closest to my father's next younger brother growing up. That uncle was the more introverted on that side and he was a calm, good hearted man who was willing to give me some attention: something adults at that time didn't feel a need to do.
It wasn't until he passed away and I was talking with my mother about him, that I found out she actually dated him before my father, who was dating her next younger sister, and they decided to switch. I smiled and asked if she was attracted to the bad boy, and she laughed and admitted that was the truth.
Fortunately for me, my uncle had only one daughter and was willing to give some attention to a nephew (just to clarify, I am the youngest of three brothers, the sixth of eight children for my father: he was divorced twice and I'm from the middle family).
I'm sorry to hear your mum is in a bad way. My thoughts are with your family.
Best wishes, Edwin
Hey Edwin,
ReplyDeleteI hope my worries are unfounded. I kinda suspect the children are yearning for their fathers' (my brother) attention as he leaves the household entirely to my sis-in-law and simply focused on his work. Then again, I also recognised my limitations in influencing my brothers family and could only try my best in spending time with the children during weekends, conditions of my mum permitting. Hopefully, the insecurity phase will pass.
Thanks for sharing about your growing up years. Its always interesting to learn about our parents' younger years, especially the days leading to their marriage.
:-)
Jeffrey
Hi Jeffrey,
ReplyDeleteI think you have the right take on the situation. It never goes well trying to tell others how to raise their children unless they ask, and even then tread carefully.
Some additional thoughts: your nephew is probably at the age where his mobility is causing increased verbal correction. Needed for his safety, of course, and "civilizing". Many parents still reinforce with physical correction. A sensitive child could feel insecure from all that (is your nephew a watersign: Pisces, Cancer or Scorpio?). Obviously, he is gaining comfort and reassurance from physical proximity, but a "clingy child" is difficult in a family with children close in age, a house to keep and life to live. Especially if it is all on your sis-in-law. So I imagine he's feeling a double whammy.
That could look pretty traumatic especially if he isn't that verbal. As he gains his voice that should help.
Unfortunately, a lot of men still like "traditional" roles so they don't need to be as involved at home: they're missing out of course.
Best regards, Edwin