crossroads

i am now at the end of my first profession. i will be moving on towards a new direction in life. it's rather stressful come to think of it. yet outwardly, i seemed to be rather non-chalant about it. perhaps it is cos i am expecting a sum of money after i leave service that allows me to sustain for a year or so and for now, i can take my time. perhaps i am just procrastinating and making excuses as to why i should not be looking for a job just yet (market out there is bad la la la)... or perhaps i am just too fed-up with everything at this point in time. or perhaps, it is a combination of all these factors...

hmmm, i must say that as i reach this crossroad once again, i cannot help but feel a little angry with the organisation and the system. somehow, my pass just come back to me again, and again. i know it is not productive, but i guess it is a natural emotion that i am feeling - one of being discriminated against and about being unfairly treated becos of my sexuality.

bee asked me last evening, what is my aim and i looked at him and could not answer his question. financial commitments, housing loans, car loans, daily expenses, health issues, etc. things like these will continue to be factors i have to consider. then again, i don't think i am in any dire state of affairs that would force me to go hungry. not at least for the next year plus.

i think i am just avoiding my realities for now. i will have to face it sometime. it is just that this is still not the time... hmmm, i am procrastinating again! i really need to motivate myself to start finding my direction.

hmmmph!