suspicious mum

i have mentioned before how suspicious mum could be and this is due to her paranoia. when she stayed with my brother last time, she suspected my domestic help and my sis-in-law had plotted to kill her. and she reached this conclusion becos she saw them talked softly in the kitchen and laughed along the way. according to mum, they were not only plotting to kill her, their laughters was further proof that they had made fun of her as an old and helpless person... 

anyway, i sensed her paranoia and anxiety building up again over the past few days. and i suspected it was becos i told her i would be heading to kl for a course mid-jul and that when i go, i will arrange for her to stay with my brother. and the signs of her anxiety showed when she told me this morning that she felt uncomfortable cos she worries my sis-in-law will not welcome her, considering how she had previously plotted to kill her. hmmm... i had to assure her that this was not the case. 

frankly, she displays similar anxieties when i leave the house for anything, including my weekend midnight shows and my runs after the evening news. what happened yesterday was quite classic. we came back home from my brother's place and as per usual, i primed her that i would be heading out for a midnight show during the drive home (as per all saturdays as i wanted to make it a routine to her). she said ok, and we arrived home and watched the tv (as usual). when the show ended at 10pm, i told her i would be leaving soon. i also added that when i return after the midnight show, i would bring the old sofa down to dispose it. she said ok and went to bed. nonetheless, i noted a little discomfort in her tone. but i left her to sleep nonetheless.

i did not go for any midnight show as bee was busy at work. i drove around and came home a while later. i was kinda surprised to see her sitting at the dining table drinking milo and eating biscuits instead of sleeping. i acted normal. i knew it was her anxiety showing. otherwise, she would be sound asleep. i told her that the midnight show was full and that i couldn't get any tickets. it was a white lie. and i told her i will proceed to push the old sofa down. she sat at the dining table, in full view of me lifting up the sofa and pushing it into the lift. i came up a short while later and she asked "where did you go", i replied accordingly that i went downstairs to dispose the old sofa. and then she asked "who helped you carry the sofa?", hmmm, i reminded her, that i did it alone, and in her full view too... she looked at me in disbelief and asked again, "who helped you carry the sofa?" and i had reply her again that i did it alone. and reminded her that she had forgotten things again.

well, i also recognized that in this case, it is not simply a case of being forgetful. from my previous experiences with her, once her paranoia and anxiety strikes, you cannot really convince her about reality. and this is so cos she has already concluded that i am mixing with 2 bad people who had previously influenced my dad and caused my dad to leave her... and i can only suspect she thought the 2 bad persons helped me carry the sofa. either that or bee had helped me. and that would not help too cos she believe strongly that bee and his mum are out to kill her too... so... 

i did not lose my temper. i just tell her i will be going to bed. 

and that was what i did...

(i woke up this morning and she asked me how come i left the house and came back late and who was i with..., and i was like - huh? what are you talking about?)