meeting my lesbian friend

for the longest time, i had not had the time, energy nor the time to meet up with my lesbian friend. and much as i felt bad, i couldn't help it cos i didn't want to go out for dinner at the possible expense of having mum go into one of her moods.

anyway, we finally met up last week. and it was over a quick lunch. it was an interesting conversation cos for the first time we were talking as friends, not like previously when we were in the same unit where i was the instructor and she was the trainee. the conversation revolved around our jobs after we left service and she probed about my experiences of being outed by mindef. it was a light-hearted conversation. and soon enough, my lunchtime was up. we proceeded for a quick coffee and she said something that took me by surprise...

over coffee, she told me about her impressions of me when she first met me in 2004. i was dealing with defence relations at that time and had to interact with external people often. as such, i was often in civilian clothes and occasionally had to suit-up. it was on one of those occasions that my lesbian friend saw me. interestingly, it made an impression on her (professionally, she's a lesbian remember? haha). she said she was impressed with how smooth i was able to talk to the guests... how confident i was, how extroverted i had showed and carried myself. it was a huge surprise to me, for i have considered myself a deep introvert for the longest time ever. anyway, she threw this sentence at me during the coffee - that i am now a shadow of what i was, and what i could be. and she urged me to go forth and live my life. to rediscover my potential, my energy and to be as happy as i could... and she said, you can, for i have done so, and so can you....

(whatever she means...)

i must admit, i felt good talking to her. it was very uplifting. and i agree to carry the conversation over another meeting... and we parted soon. and yes, i must say, this contributed to me whole reflections about why i locked my blog. what's the point of self-imposed restrictions again. what's holding me back?...

:-)