talking cock (!)...

i had a short conversation in jack'd with a person who asked me about mbti-types a couple of days back. yup, interesting that such a conversation would occur in a commonly perceived gay "sex-centric & to be expected superficial interaction" application. anyway, yes, this "semi-professional" conversation did occur.

as i said, it was about mbti-types, the myers briggs type indicator, or at least it was about mbti when we started (the mbti is a personality tool). the conversation started ok but after two three messages, it became clear that he was not in the full know of the tool or, perhaps, at best a cursory knowledge of it. and i concluded so when he stated quite confidently that it would be quite impossible for a person to adapt to different personality-types. well personally, i cannot claim to fully know the depth despite the fact that i had used the tool for the past 18 years or so... but i think i know it with sufficient depth about the tool to know when one tries to skirt the topic. yup, that was what happened. as the conversation developed, he started to drift from the topic of personality-tools, to leadership theories, to team-building models without realizing it... and he went on to mention some names about these commonly used tools... and when i shared that despite many firms having their own models, most could be distilled to one or two fundamental concepts. i also suggested that consulting firms do that due to business differentiation/ and bottom-line considerations, and more importantly to boost their businesses. he disagreed and said that his firm's model is more than a tool and that it was used for top management/ c-suite, etc. it was quite interesting. this was a 23 year old person who claimed he is a management consultant and does transformation work etc, etc, etc. his responses reminded me of myself when i was much younger.

when i was much younger, i was a fiercely defensive person. i would be quick to defend my views and many a times, in order to show off and/ or to convince people that i know my stuff (or so i thought), i would rattle off non-stop about things without realizing that i had either gone off topic or that whatever i said revealed even more of my own ignorance. well, it was perhaps a good (or bad) thing that i was brought up in an environment where people would interrupt rudely to tell me off and that i should do my research before i even try to engage them further; or i should just stop talking nonsense and making a fool of myself. heh heh... and usually, i would end up with a lot of internal pent up tensions and would blame people for going out to embarrass me. but well, that was my era and people don't give a hoot to tell you off. and that was me, young, and trying to impress.

anyway, back to this person, through the conversation, it was interesting to hear his point of views. at times, he sounded defensive, and many a times he sounded like he wanted to impress. i admit i had doubted his knowledge and i had also questioned his credibility as a "management consultant". at his age, it would be a real challenge for anyone to be able to do any credible consultancy work, much less "management" consultant. at some stage, i even suspected he was a clerical staff or at most a research assistant of sorts. but i did not stop the conversation. i continued to engage him and ask him for his perspective of things. i did not want to make him feel uncomfortable. after all, i do not know him per se, and there's absolutely no need to sound unfriendly. we ended the conversation with me suggesting that we share further about his company's model.

reflecting, i think i have matured. these days, i am more conscious about and in a better position not to sound condescending. even if a person come across as ignorant, i would still respect them and prod them on. i do not think there is a need to embarrass the person. regardless of how illogical he may sound, his views must be respected and that his stand needs to be gently views. by prodding on, it would probably allow him to slowly understand that there are many possible perspectives to things other than his alone, and possibly, for him to realize how naive he sounded. one reason why i do that is because i have come to understand that no one holds absolute authority over any specific domain of knowledge. for any topic, there will be different perspectives and every single perspective is shaped as a result of a person's exposure (or lack of it) to the topic and his/ her experience. and certainly, when person lacks of experience, you cannot fault him, you simply have to allow him to grow up. and that takes time...

ok, my writing is going all over now... 

will stop here.

picture from http://www.jackd.mobi