religion & i - part 2

this is a delayed post on the topic (which i had promised tah chuan) and it is also one of the most difficult in my recent postings. difficult as it took a while to synthesize the many things that i had in my head of this lifelong journey of mine. but well, here goes...

in my post about "religion & i, part 1" some time back, i reflected on my younger years where i was exposed to the different religions in singapore. my earliest memory of race/ religion was not quite a positive one, given the rawness of the interracial riots that occurred in the 60s where chinese and malay relations where somewhat tense due to the political tensions between the chinese-dominated ruling party in singapore and the malay-dominated ruling parties in malaysia (singapore was, until 1965, a part of the federation of malaysia). and i suspect, also contributed in part by remaining race/ religion tensions between muslims and catholics after the maria hertogh riots in the early-50s. i remembered vaguely (and i think i was about 3-4 years old), during one warm evening, when my mum hurriedly pushed me under the dining table to hide as she said malays were killing chinese in tai seng (a kampong about 2-3km away from my kampong) and that they were killing their way to my kampong. thankfully, it never happened. that was the rather unfortunate incident that i remembered of my young(er) years with regards racial/ religious tensions. i supposed following the series of interracial and religious clashes, the efforts by the government and community-based groups led to a rather peaceful society insofar as race/ religion are concerned. and that the peaceful social tapestry that comprised a mix of race, and religion very much shaped my rather open attitudes towards the various religions here. and up to my mid-teens, my affiliation to my faith then was very much based on the rituals and beliefs of my parents, specifically, my mum. in another words, and more bluntly, blind faith, one that is based more on the comforts of the familiarity of traditions and practices that i had grown comfortable with through my formative years.

my journey towards eventual alignment to buddhism could be explained in 2 major stages, namely, my curiosity and sense-making, and my eventual alignment and closure to my search and deeper understanding of a religion and one that i could identify and live with. and there were one key principle that shaped my journey - logic. and my physical experience of life and my logic grounding during my school years influenced my process of finding a religion that i could align myself to.

my curiosity and sense-making of religions began during my teenage years, and lasted till my late-20s. that was a stage of my life where, apart from focusing of studies, i went through a process of searching for answers and reconciling my readings with what i was experiencing in real life. and in a way, it was also about my search for the meaning of life in general. i started reading up on the different major religions, about christianity, islam, buddhism, etc. i read through the bible, read up snippets of the qur'an, the dhammapada, etc. frankly, i must admit, i enjoyed reading the bible a lot cos it is written in a story-like manner and that many characters and stories came across as rather magical. but i couldn't say the same about the dhammapada. it was rather difficult to read and that many lines written seemed rather poetic and deep. but, being a logical person that i was (and still am), i questioned a lot about the stories in the bible (and the qur'an). i did not agree to how certain stories could possibly happened. how could shadows be created before light, how could man arise from adam and eve, how could there be a huge flood, how could god create man, why must man fear god, if god created man, who create god... this was the same tensions i had with taoist stories... how could there be a talking monkey, much less, a monkey god that came from a stone, how could there be gods that could stand and fly on clouds, how could there be half-animal half-human creatures that speak mandarin... the list went on. also, i tried to find out about the meanings behind the different practices of the religions. and when i placed the cultural context behind all the different practices, the symbolism behind each and every religion certainly made a lot of sense. the insights i got from the deeper understanding of the different religious practices and how it is closely linked to their cultures helped deepened my understanding of the different races in asia through time. despite this, my tensions with regards the origins and stories depicted by the different religions remained. and whenever someone tried to convince me about the "superiority" of their religion and tried to convert me, i would try to counter their baseless claim of superiority by mentioning these "illogical" stories. reflecting, i was a little confrontational and somewhat defensive. but till i could find logic in any specific religion, i would stick to my taoist-buddhist brand of religion.

and it was with this mentality that buddhism is the best of the worst options that i had wanted to take refuge for the longest time. was i influenced from the fact that my mum had taken her refuge years ago? perhaps. nonetheless, i am not sure when it happened, but eventually, i found myself aligning my belief towards buddhism wholeheartedly. not the taoist-buddhist brand of religion that i grew up with. and i supposed this happened not by accident. in fact, i would say, this happened as i mature. i began to understand that stories captured in the many of the religious text should not be read literally. there was a need to understand that concepts such as god, heaven, devil, and the depictions of these concepts took various forms depending on many factors including culture, politics, language, etc. and with this understanding, i began to see and interpret the different religious text in a whole new light. and i was able to reconcile the differences between science (logic) and religion (belief) for many, if not most of the religious text. and of course, these begged the next question, if so, why buddhism. the answer lie in the facts that buddhism is probably the only philosophy that tells its believers to constantly question its teachings and one should feel free not to believe in it if one finds it illogical. it tells people that they should not be dogmatic about its teachings and worst, follow it blindly. instead, it tells its people to challenge its teachings as one searches for the truth, and once there is a deeper understanding of the truth, one should internalize it and practice it well. also, it tells its believers that if one wants to release oneself of all attachments (to attain enlightenment), one should eventually also rid oneself of the attachment to the buddhist teachings. to me, no one religion is confident enough to do this. most religions that i know of try to convert people based on fear, preaches absolute faith in a particular god and that one should never question him and his teachings. i had one of the happiest moment of my life when i eventually registered for refuge-taking and i went through the ceremony eventually in aug 9 2009.

significantly, in my search for a belief system that i can subscribe to and live with, i came almost one big round. but it was a journey well taken as i learned many things about belief systems and how it impact and improve people. some of the key lessons i took away conclude firstly, that the journey is a very personal one. no one should ever impose or force his or her belief onto another for when a person is ready, the faith will call on him or her. to impose and force a person into one faith is wrong. and to do so when one is dying is most unethical. secondly, regardless of religion, all faiths preach the fundamental values of love, compassion and respect for each other, despite the differences in the actions and practices. thus, it is not about what religion or faith one believes in as long as one practice the good teachings and live a morally upright life. and thirdly, if we want to achieve world peace (why do i sound like i am in a beauty pageant now!), a good start would be to recognize and celebrate the common values of these good rather than fight over whose practice is more right or superior than the other (which will be never-ending), and to recognize that god is in one's heart and not somewhere outside oneself...

picture from http://sathyasaibaba.wordpress.com/2008/08/08/catholics-invite-hindu-jewish-protestant-muslim-leaders-for-a-serious-dialogue/