well, i finally did it this week. i met my ex-big boss on monday for lunch.
i had second thoughts about it initially, but after thinking it through and with good advice from friends and bloggers alike, i decided to reply his secretary. the lunch proceeded reasonably ok. he came across as rather defensive in many areas, and i had to stop him a couple of times to allow me to respond. and after responding, he kept a little quiet and in some areas, he apologized. then again, his apology came across as half-hearted. and he prodded me to share areas of my tensions, asking me to be frank as i am no longer with the company. well, i shared what came to mind, and i was very careful not to sound personal but rather from an angle of how things can be improved. from what i said, some of which suggest quite explicitly people negligence and failure within the system, i noted he tried very hard to protect the people involved. but i understood that it was not right for him to respond in any other way that would suggest his displeasure.
i left the conversation as it was. he asked for my views, and i gave my views. diplomatically and objectively. towards the end of the lunch, i also noted he yawned a bit. quite insincere i thought. but it doesn't matter. i am no longer with the company. and finally, he closed the lunch by saying he appreciated my frankness during the 2-hour lunch and reiterating that in the many things he did (or didn't do), he was not being personal, and that in several areas where he came down very hard on me, it could be attributed to our differences in our management style. i didn't bother to respond much but just to thank him once again for the good two and a half year learning experience.
and before we parted, he reminded me that what's passed is past and that i should not take them to heart. hmmm... this sounded so much like last sentence of his 5-minute talk with me after i tendered... "i hope you leave us amicably"...
well... i wished him all the best.
i slept very well that night.
i had my closure.
Hi Peace,
ReplyDeleteSounds like a very good lunch. Congratulations. Closure can be priceless.
Hi Edwin,
ReplyDeleteIndeed it was. Well, there were many more things I could have shared, but when I saw him yawn, I stopped. I was reminded that what more I say would probably not matter.
:-)
Thanks again for the advice again.
Appreciate it.
Hi Peace,
ReplyDeleteGlad if anything I say might be interesting. You put yourself out there blogging whatever seems interesting in your thoughts and I appreciate that.
I am happy that your mother has stabilized. My mother will be 89 next month, and, knocking wood, she is still very independent (as was her mother). We are all one something away from the hospital vigil. I commend you for being a very good son (caregivers are allowed the occasional sanity vent ;-)
:-)
ReplyDeleteI express myself better through my blog than face-to-face... thanks for the kind words. looking after my mum is my responsibility, considering all the hardship she went through to bring me up. and yes, i totally understand, with an elderly at home, we are all one something away from the hospital vigil...
rest well Edwin!