gays = sex only?

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header look

i decided to change to my blog header two days ago. if i recall correctly, this should be the 4th time i change the header. the astroboy picture had been there for a long while and i thought it would be nice to retire it and to give the blog a little facelift. and i decided to replace it with sandman aka sandy. well, as to why astroboy, it was becos i really loved this character. it featured quite significantly in my life when i was a boy. also, it is a character that many (if not all) gay man here love and can identify with!

and as for why sandy... well, there was no major reason per se. frankly, i do not know this character until i watched the movie "rise of the guardian" recently. but in that short 2 hours, i found myself liking sandy for its mild character despite its power. and of cos, i thought it was a little gay... lol! so... yup, here it is, sandy to grace my blog header until the next change...

:-)

consolidating 2012

it's the time of the year to start thinking about my year-end summary posting. it has been a routine for me to write a summary and to post in on the 31 dec each year. other than consolidating the things that happened, i need to think of the descriptor for the year. interestingly, this thought crossed my mind recently - if i were to do this on a yearly basis, wouldn't i be rather passive approach to my year? perhaps i should take on a more proactive approach, identify how i want the year to be described and chart the big items at the start of the year? haha... this actually brings me back to having a new year resolution, something that i have avoided doing for the longest time... nonetheless, let's consolidate what happened this year first. let's see...

family

- signs of mum's health deteriorating, in particular, her mental health. on top of that, with regards her copd, it deteriorated towards the end of the year where she had to be hospitalized a few times

- niece has grown up nice and well and we should have a new addition by the end of the year. this would be a very significant inclusion cos it will be the first boy of the next generation.

- have the opportunity to spend a good last 3 months with mum since i resigned from my job

work

- very intensive pace and took up almost all my commitments up to the middle of the year

- resigned from my job following a series of regretful incidences and negative experiences with bosses

- likely to be still looking for a job by the end of the year

self

- health took an interesting downturn at the start of the year where i was hospitalized for kidney stones

- otherwise, health was somewhat stable although there were signs of deterioration of my spine towards the end of the year

- re-started my chiropractor treatment in aug and chirporactor identified the worsening of the spine health, x ray also indicated the misalignment of the cervical vertebra all the way down to the t2-t3 joint

bee

- into our 8th year, very stable 

- we stopped living with me in view of mum's mental condition, the demise of his dad and the fact that he has a new flat of his own now

friends

- friends continue to come and go. i supposed i can consider this normal and routine, so, there is really  nothing new.

these are some of the few points. i think due to recency effect, the items listed here are really few and insignificant. and i need an anchor theme for the year. these are some few descriptors that i think could possibly be used to describe 2012. these include possibly, "mum" (to depict the significant role she played in influencing all aspects of my life), "learning" (to depict the enormous amount of things i learned this year), hmmm... 

will need to reflect and consolidate further. 

:-)

over-70/ month

oh my... this is the first time in my blogging history to have pass 70 posts per month... and that works out to more than 2 posts per day. and based on current numbers, i will surpass 500 posts for the whole of the year and possibly break the 557 posts i blogged for the whole of 2008. and interestingly, the year 2008 was also the year where i left service and was unemployed for a couple of months... haha... must be a case of being too free and thus have the time to blog.

:-)

religion & i - part 2

this is a delayed post on the topic (which i had promised tah chuan) and it is also one of the most difficult in my recent postings. difficult as it took a while to synthesize the many things that i had in my head of this lifelong journey of mine. but well, here goes...

in my post about "religion & i, part 1" some time back, i reflected on my younger years where i was exposed to the different religions in singapore. my earliest memory of race/ religion was not quite a positive one, given the rawness of the interracial riots that occurred in the 60s where chinese and malay relations where somewhat tense due to the political tensions between the chinese-dominated ruling party in singapore and the malay-dominated ruling parties in malaysia (singapore was, until 1965, a part of the federation of malaysia). and i suspect, also contributed in part by remaining race/ religion tensions between muslims and catholics after the maria hertogh riots in the early-50s. i remembered vaguely (and i think i was about 3-4 years old), during one warm evening, when my mum hurriedly pushed me under the dining table to hide as she said malays were killing chinese in tai seng (a kampong about 2-3km away from my kampong) and that they were killing their way to my kampong. thankfully, it never happened. that was the rather unfortunate incident that i remembered of my young(er) years with regards racial/ religious tensions. i supposed following the series of interracial and religious clashes, the efforts by the government and community-based groups led to a rather peaceful society insofar as race/ religion are concerned. and that the peaceful social tapestry that comprised a mix of race, and religion very much shaped my rather open attitudes towards the various religions here. and up to my mid-teens, my affiliation to my faith then was very much based on the rituals and beliefs of my parents, specifically, my mum. in another words, and more bluntly, blind faith, one that is based more on the comforts of the familiarity of traditions and practices that i had grown comfortable with through my formative years.

my journey towards eventual alignment to buddhism could be explained in 2 major stages, namely, my curiosity and sense-making, and my eventual alignment and closure to my search and deeper understanding of a religion and one that i could identify and live with. and there were one key principle that shaped my journey - logic. and my physical experience of life and my logic grounding during my school years influenced my process of finding a religion that i could align myself to.

my curiosity and sense-making of religions began during my teenage years, and lasted till my late-20s. that was a stage of my life where, apart from focusing of studies, i went through a process of searching for answers and reconciling my readings with what i was experiencing in real life. and in a way, it was also about my search for the meaning of life in general. i started reading up on the different major religions, about christianity, islam, buddhism, etc. i read through the bible, read up snippets of the qur'an, the dhammapada, etc. frankly, i must admit, i enjoyed reading the bible a lot cos it is written in a story-like manner and that many characters and stories came across as rather magical. but i couldn't say the same about the dhammapada. it was rather difficult to read and that many lines written seemed rather poetic and deep. but, being a logical person that i was (and still am), i questioned a lot about the stories in the bible (and the qur'an). i did not agree to how certain stories could possibly happened. how could shadows be created before light, how could man arise from adam and eve, how could there be a huge flood, how could god create man, why must man fear god, if god created man, who create god... this was the same tensions i had with taoist stories... how could there be a talking monkey, much less, a monkey god that came from a stone, how could there be gods that could stand and fly on clouds, how could there be half-animal half-human creatures that speak mandarin... the list went on. also, i tried to find out about the meanings behind the different practices of the religions. and when i placed the cultural context behind all the different practices, the symbolism behind each and every religion certainly made a lot of sense. the insights i got from the deeper understanding of the different religious practices and how it is closely linked to their cultures helped deepened my understanding of the different races in asia through time. despite this, my tensions with regards the origins and stories depicted by the different religions remained. and whenever someone tried to convince me about the "superiority" of their religion and tried to convert me, i would try to counter their baseless claim of superiority by mentioning these "illogical" stories. reflecting, i was a little confrontational and somewhat defensive. but till i could find logic in any specific religion, i would stick to my taoist-buddhist brand of religion.

and it was with this mentality that buddhism is the best of the worst options that i had wanted to take refuge for the longest time. was i influenced from the fact that my mum had taken her refuge years ago? perhaps. nonetheless, i am not sure when it happened, but eventually, i found myself aligning my belief towards buddhism wholeheartedly. not the taoist-buddhist brand of religion that i grew up with. and i supposed this happened not by accident. in fact, i would say, this happened as i mature. i began to understand that stories captured in the many of the religious text should not be read literally. there was a need to understand that concepts such as god, heaven, devil, and the depictions of these concepts took various forms depending on many factors including culture, politics, language, etc. and with this understanding, i began to see and interpret the different religious text in a whole new light. and i was able to reconcile the differences between science (logic) and religion (belief) for many, if not most of the religious text. and of course, these begged the next question, if so, why buddhism. the answer lie in the facts that buddhism is probably the only philosophy that tells its believers to constantly question its teachings and one should feel free not to believe in it if one finds it illogical. it tells people that they should not be dogmatic about its teachings and worst, follow it blindly. instead, it tells its people to challenge its teachings as one searches for the truth, and once there is a deeper understanding of the truth, one should internalize it and practice it well. also, it tells its believers that if one wants to release oneself of all attachments (to attain enlightenment), one should eventually also rid oneself of the attachment to the buddhist teachings. to me, no one religion is confident enough to do this. most religions that i know of try to convert people based on fear, preaches absolute faith in a particular god and that one should never question him and his teachings. i had one of the happiest moment of my life when i eventually registered for refuge-taking and i went through the ceremony eventually in aug 9 2009.

significantly, in my search for a belief system that i can subscribe to and live with, i came almost one big round. but it was a journey well taken as i learned many things about belief systems and how it impact and improve people. some of the key lessons i took away conclude firstly, that the journey is a very personal one. no one should ever impose or force his or her belief onto another for when a person is ready, the faith will call on him or her. to impose and force a person into one faith is wrong. and to do so when one is dying is most unethical. secondly, regardless of religion, all faiths preach the fundamental values of love, compassion and respect for each other, despite the differences in the actions and practices. thus, it is not about what religion or faith one believes in as long as one practice the good teachings and live a morally upright life. and thirdly, if we want to achieve world peace (why do i sound like i am in a beauty pageant now!), a good start would be to recognize and celebrate the common values of these good rather than fight over whose practice is more right or superior than the other (which will be never-ending), and to recognize that god is in one's heart and not somewhere outside oneself...

picture from http://sathyasaibaba.wordpress.com/2008/08/08/catholics-invite-hindu-jewish-protestant-muslim-leaders-for-a-serious-dialogue/

tree smells

recently, i have been smelling this dense, rancid smelling scent every evenings around my condo and surrounding areas. and the smell was so rancid and pungent that i felt very uneasy. i mentioned it to my mum in passing one evening as we drove out for dinner and was surprised by her strong reaction. don't talk about it when you smell something in the evening hours! she chided me... my father (my ah gong aka granddad) used to tell me that it is not good. you never know what kind of things the smell come from...

but really, other than her suspicion, i was so sure there was a logical explanation to it. but i couldn't figure out what this smell is and where is originated from.  but i suspected it is from some roadside plants/ trees although i didn't know exactly which one. and so i posted a status update in my facebook. i took botany as an undergrad and was so certain some of my friends would be able to answer me... and within minutes, one posting came in... she said it could be the pulai tree (alstonia spp). i did some checks in the net on how it looked like and drove around my estate and the changi business park where there are lots of trees... and lo and behold. indeed there were quite a few of the alstonia spp. and they were all in full bloom!

heh heh... i don't think there is a need to tell my mum about it. no point trying to change the mindset of a person who has this thing about spirits and smells ingrained into her since she was a kid...

:-)

i saw it!

last year, i wrote a post about the ladybird and wondered if it still exists in the wild... and guess what? i saw a ladybird today! it was so beautiful and for that moment, everything just stopped! heh heh... you see, i brought sapphie out to the park this morning to give her a break from the usual places that she visits to pee (i.e., grass patch by the basement car park)... and i decided to do some simple stretching on the exercise bench. and as i proned on the bench, i saw something red amongst the green of the grass... it was a ladybird! i rushed to my car to get my phone but alas, i had left my iphone at home to charge. sighs... well, it was a lovely sight indeed. but before long, it flew off and that was the last i saw of it...

will keep a look out for it when i go to the park again sometime!

ps: seeing the ladybird reminded me of a person whose nick was ladybird and who used to comment in my blog. she is such a wonderful and understanding mother who protects and supports her son so well. i do hope she is fine and that her son is growing up well. 

picture from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1231251

out again

well, mum got discharged from the hospital this afternoon after 2 days' stay in the hospital...

and as usual, she was in highly impatient - not to get out of the hospital, but rather, just - impatient, as in really impatient. when i arrived, she asked where's lunch, and when she's eating lunch, she asked where's the nurse to sort out the discharge admin, and when i got the necessary documentation done, she asked where's the medication, etc... it was a case of her always asking 1-2 steps ahead. hey! relax, relax, what needs to be done, will be don't. don't worry! heh heh... and when i got sleepy waiting for the medication and told her i felt sleepy, she said, must be you gallivanting till the wee hours of the morning right? hmmm, wonder where that came from. in her eyes, i am always out of the house (which is totally opposite from the truth)... and so, we returned with another 2 big bags of medications (in addition to the 2 big bags we got last week)...

anyway, just glad that she's in her usual self again, other than the fact that she's breathless.

unglam woman

i was at the hospital registration area and i saw this very un-glam sight.

imagine this - 2 rows of sofa, single seaters... facing each other. i was seated on one of them and facing me was a woman. and the woman sat in a more manly manner than me. no, i should not use the adjective manly, in fact, un-glam or unbecoming of a respectable person (note - not just woman) would be more appropriate. well, this was the scene. me in sofa, seated almost upright and crossed-legged, reading my iphone. and this woman, also in sofa, totally slouched, legs opens so wide you could fit a huge water-melon between her thighs, also reading her iphone, and guess what, she had one foot on her sofa seat. that was totally unacceptable! so un-glam despite the fact that she was dressed rather nicely, make-up and all...

and certainly, her less than glam posture didn't do justice to the dainty pastel blue toe nails and pink-buttoned sandals that she was wearing! darned...

then again, thinking about it, i was really a bitch!

lol!

why me?

this question crossed my mind a couple of times this evening as i sat alone at the accident and emergency department. had texted my siblings about my mum being sent to the department. only my second sis responded. the rest must have been asleep, i thought. and for my second sis, she went on about how unwell she felt and thus will not head to the hospital. k, thx, her text reply read. 

and after that, i was left alone wondering why i had to handle my mum almost single-handedly. and as the thought crossed my mind, i had to remind myself again that it was a responsibility i had to undertake. if not me, who else...

arghhhh...

young doctors & nurses

was at the hospital earlier... and waited for some 2 hours as the accident and emergency staff went about treating my mum. during this period, there was perhaps some 5-6 emergency cases that came in...  and for each case, there were paramedics, nurses, doctors etc rushing from point to point. it was indeed a hive of activities! all the hustle and bustle! and i noticed one thing... why do all the doctors and nurses looked like kids? they were all so young! and i thought about it and i realized! darned! it was me! i am old...

wtf! hahahaha!

picture from http://unccharlie.xanga.com/768211193/my-young-doctor/

exhausting day

the day started with me sending mum to the singapore general hospital specialist clinic for her throat check-up as a follow-up from her previous hospitalization. and it ended with me sending her to the changi general hospital accident and emergency department for breathlessness... and as it is now, i feel very exhausted. 

and the key reason why she was breathless this evening was, i suspect, because i chided her for repeating non-stop about the need to save money... brought her for dinner, she said, don't eat this, or don't eat that, too expensive... and when i asked her what she wanted, she said you decide. and when i decided finally to buy hor fun, she went on again about having expensive dinners... you cannot spend cos you are not working she repeated, once again... i felt one helluva exasperated by her repeated reminders over the last 2 months. and after dinner, i suggested heading to the shopping mall to stroll, she needed it to air her lungs. and she went on again, no no, don't go shopping mall, car petrol very expensive! jeeez... and i was thinking of bringing her to the mall that was located near my place! stop repeating about saving money! i half-raised my voice at the zichar store. and i kept quiet after that, and she noted my displeasure. we proceeded with the walk at the mall.

once we arrived home, she went to bed and i gave her her medication and put her on her usual oxygen for the night. some 20min later, i asked if she felt better, and she said no, to which i decided to give her her nebulizer. that was when she started howling... i couldn't breath, i couldn't breath, she howled... i decided to call the ambulance, and she screamed out against it. yet, she went on i couldn't breath, i couldn't breath! that was when i lost my cool, told her i will ignore her refusal and just call for the ambulance... and she went on howling and howling non-stop. worst of all, when i finally told her i had called the ambulance, she struggled to look for her hand bag. and when i picked it up and passed it to her, she said she wanted to give her money to me so that i could pay for the ambulance...

i blew my top! i can manage my finances! damned it... and stop pushing your own money to me! here you are about to die of breathlessness and you still want to push money to me! damned it! well, to cut the long story short, ever since i stopped work, she had been going on and on non-stop about not spending excessively. well, her intentions was good, but she went on and went about it non-stop day in and day out, it really drove me crazy. and everyday, she would take out her money to pay for anything that i buy! darned! i had told her repeatedly not to do it. it made totally no freaking sense to do it cos her money was what i had given her mostly!

ok, this whole post is sounding a tat illogical. but yup, when something is repeated non-stop for 2 months, one can get crazy! and when i finally screamed this evening after her total abnormal behaviour today, she hyperventilate...

and that was how she landed in the hospital again this evening...

in again

mum has just been evacuated to the a&e again... feeling so exhausted now...

cockroaches

this is gonna an aimless post about cockroaches. just thought i'd write something about it cos for whatever reasons, the topic of cockroaches came up a couple of times over the last 24hrs...  

firstly, last night after watching the rise of the guardians, as we were on our way home, we encountered a cockroach. you see, bee and i were both in the car and i was driving. and for reasons unknown, i looked at the car seat where bee was seated. and i saw a little baby cockroach on the seat. quietly, i told him there was a cockroach there and he quickly (but calmly) picked it up with his cupped hand, wound down the window and threw it out... hmmm, it was a sure gonna for the baby cos it was raining badly outside. poor thing. but that was bee's reflex action - catch it and throw it out of the window...

secondly, today as i entered my toilet to pee, i saw a huge cockroach by the side of my bath tub. i quickly finished peeing, calmly walked out of my toilet, took a t-shirt and threw it over the cockroach. with the cockroach trapped within the folds of my t-shirt, i picked it up and threw it out of my window. once free, the cockroach took flight and flew into another unit a few levels below...

and lastly, i supposed it was due to the encounters with cockroaches. bee asked me how would james react to cockroaches. well, for a start, he would scream and he would be totally paralyzed with fear. james has this unexplained fear of cockroaches, especially flying ones. over the 7 years where he lived with me, there were probably at least 4-5 occasions where he screamed and ran out of the bedroom (or living room) when he encountered a flying cockroach (that flew into the house). and i had to catch it and throw it out of the house... also, as a routine, my condo management would fumigate the rubbish chute monthly and during these occasions, there would be tens, if not, hundreds of cockroaches crawling out from the chute and eventually die along the public walkways... and it is during these occasions that james would be terribly disturbed...

anyway... yup... as i said, it is an aimless post. 

good night!

pictures from http://ipkitten.blogspot.sg/2006/03/inventors-fight-over-cockcroach-killer.html 
and http://www.rebelpestcontrol.com

rise of the guardians

watched the show rise of the guardians (3d) with bee late last night (thing about midnight shows are that there will be minimal kids! and last night, there was none! lol!). theme was rather mature if you ask me. concepts of fear, creativity, dreams, fun, etc. but well, i thoroughly enjoyed the show. 

really magical! love it!

:-)

picture from http://onceuponasketch.com/2012/10/rise-of-the-guardians-art-contest/

bad parents

the next generation is often spoilt, increasingly self-centered, blame pushers, highly irresponsible, etc... you name all the negative adjectives and they have it. and no, i don't think it is a generational gap thing, i really think there is really something wrong in the value system of the younger people these days. and i think this is a global trend, judging from the many indicators i have seen amongst many foreigners that suggest this is the same in their own land. and it is certainly a very regretful thing. but i think we cannot blame them for being so. instead, i put the blame squarely on their parents. and i say this from observing how parents spoil their kids, or simply being over-protective of their kids. just over the last couple of days, the following were some of the things i saw that i did not agree...

• parents pushing their kids in prams. and these kids are not those couple of months old type of babies. instead, these kids are easily 5-6 years of age. and it was really painful to see these kids slouching in the prams (that is a tat too small for them). and worst still, the parents gave in when the kids whined out loud when they were asked to leave the pram. 
• parents that encourage their kids to litter. imagine this, after using the tissue, the parents ask the kids to throw the tissue away... yup, not in the bin, simply "eeeeee.... dirty, just throw away la"... and they would slap the kids hands such that the tissue would simply fall on the floor.
• parents giving in to kids when they screamed about wanting candies, chocolates, toys, etc...  
• parents allowing kids to run around crowded shopping centers and when the kids got into the way of the crowd and inconvenienced shoppers, parents would, instead of apologizing for the inconvenience, pass those "tsk tsk tsk" sounds and giving people the f-up look... like as though the whole space belonged to them... and all these in front of the kids. what kind of value system are they signaling to their kids?
• parents who allow kids to be choosy about food...
• parents who fail to discipline kids when their kids screamed at them for buying food they do not like... and instead, apologizing to the kids...

yup... and lots of other examples... just too lazy to list them out... these parents themselves do not seemed to understand what right values are themselves. they ought to be educated and whipped into shape themselves... big time! 

damned! 

different chineses...

it was interesting (and somewhat painful) to listen to 3 asians, of chinese descent to be specific, speak to one another using a mix of english and chinese, and all with different accents... 

you see, earlier this week, i took public transport to the hospital to visit my mum... and while walking towards the mrt (public mass rapid transit), i had an interesting case of 3 chinese persons engaged in a conversation using a mix of english and chinese. they were walking in front of me and they talked so loud, it was difficult not to listen to their conversation. it was some mundane conversation about what they had for lunch. and from their accents, i deduced that one of them was an abc (american-born chinese), another one a china-born chinese, and the last, a singaporean chinese. oh my, it was terrible. if i had not listen a little closely, i could have thought they were using different languages... 

first, the abc. he spoke largely american english, which was easily understood as american english is quite commonly heard here. but when it came to terms relating to food, he would use the singapore terms (which is commonly a mix of english and chinese terms), and it came out weird. for the english terms, he tried to "asianise" it and for the chinese terms, it came out heavily accented with his american accent. and he sounded real weird. for example, when he spoke about  "chicken pao" or "chicken pow" (steamed chicken buns - a common local chinese snack), the words that came out was "chick-kerrrrn bow" (as in "take a bow"). it took me a split second before i knew what he was talking about. as for the chinese chinese, well, english, being a foreign language to him, every word he uttered sounded off. totally off... i mean, if he had the cantonese/ hong kong accent, i would still be able to catch a few words here and there. but this guy seemed to come from some other parts of china other than hong kong and i could not recognize his accent, and the english altogether. but of cos, it was not unexpected. english was not his native language after all.

as for the singaporean, oh my gawd. instead of speaking just like any other singaporean (which typically speaks english with a mix mash of local terms and that has a local accent), she actually tried to imitate the american accent. gosh... i totally could not take it. i slowed down my pace, crossed the road and walked as far away as possible from them...

yikes!

bad shoulder & achy arms

been having this superbly screwed up shoulders that aches like no one business since early this month... and the aches extend all the way down to my arms. and thankfully, my superbly friendly chiropractor has been giving me so good and special a treatment, i actually feel a little pai seh whenever i go for treatment. you see, since the flaring up of the conditions of my shoulders and arms, he has asked me to visit him 3 times a week instead of the usual twice. and during all these times, he would use the durations of 2-3 typical sessions to treat me. press, pull, twist, massage, etc... you name it, he does it all to me... and i am feeling a lot better now. well, he told me it would probably take 2 weeks when the pain started and yup, true enough, the pain has subsided a lot. but still, the aches would return when i use my arms a little more...

heh heh... 

discharge drama

mum was discharged from the hospital yesterday. but it was done not without drama. this was what happened.

mum was downgraded from the intermediate care ward to the normal ward 2 days back (tues). and in the normal ward, she was placed beside an indian lady. now, this indian lady apparently was in the same room as her the last time she was hospitalized. and as per the last time, this indian lady was one helluva irritating. she literally talked non-stop and she had an opinion over every single issue. i noticed all the nurses were rather irritated by her. and poor mum, i think she was really traumatized the last time that when she saw this indian lady again, she went mental. she started telling people that this indian lady assaulted her the last time, how she (the indian lady) pulled her hair and slapped her. i was sure this was mum's way of handling such mental stress - she started imagining things. nonetheless, i approached the nurse to ask if mum could be transferred to another room. the nurse assured us that mum would be well looked after, and added that indian lady would be discharge the next day. this input certainly comforted mum quite a bit and to further help her relax, we got the nurse to draw the curtain between my mum and the indian lady.

yesterday morning, mum was totally freaked out. she called me early in the morning telling me that the indian lady was walking around the room and that she was really afraid the indian lady would assault her again. mum sounded really scared and wanted to leave the ward immediately. it took me quite a while to coax her to stay in bed and keep calm. thankfully, i received a call from the hospital that mum could be discharged and i proceeded to do the necessary. anyway, after discharging her, i brought her for a short excursion before heading home. she was in quite a cheery mood but i was sure she was still mentally disturbed for she continued non-stop about how the indian previously assaulted her... and she continued in such a state right through the evening. and added to that she said the doctors decided to discharge her not becos she was feeling better, but rather, they felt she would be safer at home (from the indian woman)...

whatever it is, i am just glad she is well enough to return home. still need to monitor and manage her for a couple more days cos she is not totally well yet...

sighs...

lunch with my ex-boss

well, i finally did it this week. i met my ex-big boss on monday for lunch. 

i had second thoughts about it initially, but after thinking it through and with good advice from friends and bloggers alike, i decided to reply his secretary. the lunch proceeded reasonably ok. he came across as rather defensive in many areas, and i had to stop him a couple of times to allow me to respond. and after responding, he kept a little quiet and in some areas, he apologized. then again, his apology came across as half-hearted. and he prodded me to share areas of my tensions, asking me to be frank as i am no longer with the company. well, i shared what came to mind, and i was very careful not to sound personal but rather from an angle of how things can be improved. from what i said, some of which suggest quite explicitly people negligence and failure within the system, i noted he tried very hard to protect the people involved. but i understood that it was not right for him to respond in any other way that would suggest his displeasure. 

i left the conversation as it was. he asked for my views, and i gave my views. diplomatically and objectively. towards the end of the lunch, i also noted he yawned a bit. quite insincere i thought. but it doesn't matter. i am no longer with the company. and finally, he closed the lunch by saying he appreciated my frankness during the 2-hour lunch and reiterating that in the many things he did (or didn't do), he was not being personal, and that in several areas where he came down very hard on me, it could be attributed to our differences in our management style. i didn't bother to respond much but just to thank him once again for the good two and a half year learning experience.

and before we parted, he reminded me that what's passed is past and that i should not take them to heart. hmmm... this sounded so much like last sentence of his 5-minute talk with me after i tendered... "i hope you leave us amicably"...

well... i wished him all the best.

i slept very well that night.

i had my closure.

delivery man fantasies

placed an online order for mum's diapers last friday and they are supposed to deliver it today. i realized i had clicked "cash on delivery" when i submitted the order... and since it was the weekend, the hotline was not functional and i had to email them to make the adjustments. it would be an added hassle for me to stay at home to receive the order and make payments given that i would usually asked for the delivery to be left outside my unit when i was at work. but in the end, i decided to leave it as it was given that i am currently between jobs. and this morning, i got a call from an unfamiliar number. usually, i would simply ignore such calls but decided to pick the call this time round as it suspected it was the delivery man. and indeed it was. and a very nice mature voice came through my iphone.

==========

delivery man: hi, is this mr xxx? i am from the hospital pharmacy and i will be delivering the diapers that you ordered today. 

me (hmmm, such melodious sounding voice, young yet mature, charming! i thought): yes, hi, oh ok. 

delivery man: erm, sir, will you be in between 1030 am and 1100 am?

me: yup, the timing is fine. i will be in.

delivery man: but sir, this time round, you did not make your payment by visa, so will you be able to receive the order in person and to make payment? 

me (wow, such smooth flow of the english language! grammatically, phrasing and all, so correct! such a nice change from the usual singlish speaking deliverymen): oh ya, i forgot. i will pay you when you deliver. by the way, do you accept cheque payment...

==========

well, you very well know how the conversation ended. and so i waited for the delivery to be done. with an hour or so to go, i decided to read the newspaper, do some housework, laundry and all. but in my mind, the smooth, mature voice and the english-perfect sentences created almost a perfect lean, athletic, 6-packed, adonis-image in my mind. and i was reminded of some gay-porn where deliverymen made deliveries topless with gleaming muscles and sexy half torn jeans. and i started to analyze his sentences... hmmm, he knew i made payment by visa before, that means he know my place, he must have delivered the previous batches, too... my mind went on... hahahaha... anyway, i continued with the housework, laundry... and soon enough, sapphie started barking like the world was about to end (as she always do when strangers appear at the door)... ah ha! delivery adonis! i thought. 

and when i opened the door... kwa kwa... totally opposite of the image in my mind. reality sets in. well, let's not go into the detailed description. not very nice for me to do that. let's just say, he is the boy next door, one that would disappear into the crowds easily if you do not know him. ok, thanks for the diapers, please check the cheque is in order... thanks. bye.

lol!

picture from http://archive.feedblitz.com/74406/~4153978

tummy table

i took the public transport to visit mum today... and at the mrt station, i saw a young person, in his 20s, going up the escalator. he was standing on the left side of the escalator (where people stand instead of climb), and playing games on his ipad. and interestingly (or sadly), his ipad was resting on this tummy.

!!!

stablilized

as of this evening, mum's spo2 level is still rather low (oscillating between 86-98, but more towards the 90s, which is a good sign), and her blood pressure (both diastolic and systolic), heart and respiratory rate are rather high. but that is to be expected as she has been put on the neb and oxygen for the whole of the day. and on the bright side, the readings have somewhat stabilized and showed less swings. also, she is coughing less and her wheezing is somewhat decreased. and the doctor said that with this stabilizing of her condition, they need not escalate the treatment, nonetheless, they would still require to closely monitor her for the night and see if the wheezing can be arrested by tomorrow.

and for the moment, she has been put on "nil by mouth". 

things seemed to look fine for now.

intermediate care

mum did not respond to the 5 x nebulizers administered to her in the a&e. she was subsequently transferred to the intermediate care ward for further treatment. the doctor had advised that we let her rest and receive treatment at this ward. and should she still fail to respond and that her condition deteriorates, we might want to have her placed on a mask and if she still does not respond, could consider escalating the treatment to that of assisted breathing where the respiratory machine would be used to take over the breathing for her. and should this situation developed, she would be transferred to the intensive care unit (icu) and that she would be required to be put into an unconscious state (induced coma? - if that is the word to use).

as always, my principle is that when and if the patient is conscious, he / she should be consulted and to make the decision. that was what i did. i asked mum about it and after careful explanation to her about the options, she agreed said "do whatever is needed". well, that is my mum. forever a fighter. well, as it stands now, she has stabilized somewhat and that a respiratory team had been placed on alert to respond to her should her condition deteriorate.

let's hope for the best.

surreal experience @ sgh a&e

it's kinda surreal to find the a&e department almost empty except for the doctors and nurses. and to top it off (and i was sure, a result of the emptiness), superb efficiency and friendliness of the people.

well, mum started coughing since a few days back. and despite the visit to the family doctor, her condition did not improve. she coughed non-stop this morning and said she suffered incontinence since 3am and asked to be brought to the hospital. well, for someone who consistently resist hospital visits, it was a chance not to be missed. and so, i quickly changed up and got going once i settled the usual routines of bringing the dog to pee, etc. the drive was smooth and there was hardly any traffic... i supposed it was becos it was a sunday morning, school holiday has started, and most people would either be drunk, asleep or away on holiday...

anyway, once i arrived, the nurses rushed out, greeted me, got my mum into a wheelchair and attended to her straight away as i proceeded to park my car. the car park was empty too! and by the time i got to the a&e department some 5min later, mum had completed the triage, the nurses had done the registration for her and she was already in the process of being attended by the doctor on duty. superb efficiency. and it was not just me, but subsequent patients conveyed by ambulances, walked in patients, etc were all similarly attended to with great urgency and in the most efficient and friendly manner. it was a refreshing change from the usual hustle bustle rush that i have come to associate a&e departments with.

mum will be admitted, the doctor confirmed. details as to whether she goes to the cardiac, general or respiratory ward would have to depend on the findings of the blood test.

this is karma!

well, this word "karma" has been so very wrongly used by a lot of people that conversations can become totally illogical if there are no alignment in the understanding of its meaning when the conversation starts... for a start, "karma" means "cause and effect". a very simple universal law of nature. but to many, it has become largely associated (and very narrowly too) with negative actions, and retribution. sighs... 

anyway, here's a funny gif that i got from the web. then again, it reinforces the narrowly scoped definition of the concept of "karma".

enjoy!

a wtf relationship!

my then-tensions with james pale when compared to what this guy went through... but in terms of the giving and spoiling, i can connect. and, his girlfriend is the personification of the devil! arghhh! i admire his guts to still wanna carry on with the relationship. just wish he can love himself more and draw his line clearly moving ahead.

why do i suddenly feel so light?

haha!

:-)

ps: at times when the girl responds in that "tare-rrrr" (can't find an equivalent english word) manner, i really felt like slapping her! 

boys & sex

was at the cinema with mum today and it was surprisingly crowded, considering it was a thursday afternoon. or perhaps school holidays had started for some? well, whatever the case, i noticed there was a group of boys in front of us. there was some 7-8 of them in the group and they looked like secondary school kids (14? 15 years old?) well... it was interesting to see them squirm and go into these little hush hush whisper mode amongst themselves when scenes that suggest / depict some raunchy sex, precursor to some raunchy sex were shown (e.g. shower scene, naked scene)... and it was also very interesting to see them squirm and giggle during the rather homo-suggestive scene between bond and silva...

such a response really reminded me of myself during those teenage years (aeons ago!!!) where i was curious and excited, yet awkward when it comes to anything sexual... and scenes such as the tenting of a blanket caused by an aroused person (cannot recall the name) (endless love, 1981) or (the back view) of chris atkins masturbating (blue lagoon, 1980) would send us into frantic squeals and months of fantasies in the privacy of the house toilets! haha... and by today's standards, these would hardly draw any attention...

haha!

picture from http://joannebasslines.multiply.com/journal/item/26

excited mum, skyfall again!

following her request, i brought mum to watch skyfall today. it was my second time watching the show and i managed to catch quite a few more details this time round. also, t'was my first time bringing a wheelchair-bound person to the cinema and i must say, our cinemas are very wheelchair-friendly. didn't expect them staff to be so nice as to show us all the way up to the cinema hall from the ticketing booth! anyway, i was a little apprehensive about bringing mum as she was coughing non-stop. but thankfully, she did not cough so much throughout the show. instead, i had quite a bit of surprises and laughter throughout the show due to her excitement!

you see, she was literally behaving like a little girl. all excited about watching a show. haha... only 007 can make her behave like that. and what's more interesting was the fact that being illiterate, she sat through the show while drawing her own conclusions about the plot. here's some little snippets and laughters during the show... (and i call it horrors...) lol!

horror 1: (scene at chapel. silva had barged into the chapel and caught the injured m by surprised. m looked fearful and the whole cinema went silent... and mum asked aloud in hokkien): chik eh yi eh lau bu har? (this one is james bond's mother izzit?)

horror 2: (same scene, but 5min later. the butler appeared and silva fired a shot at him. the tension in the cinema increased manifold in that split second and all fell silent again... and once again, mum sounded off in hokkien): chik eh yi eh lau peh har? (this one is james bond's father izzit?)

and finally, here's...

horror 3: (when silva got stabbed, and the camera panned to james bond, who appeared at the door of the chapel, and mum squealed): "ahhhhh!!! james bond lai liao!!! james bond lai liao!!!" (james bond is here! james bond is here!)

lol!

it was indeed very interesting and very heartwarming to see her so excited.

picture from http://www.thedeadbolt.com/movies/

impossible answer

earlier on, i took an afternoon nap as i felt totally exhausted, feeling the effects of an impending full-blown flu... and just as i woke up, mum screamed out from the living room... 

frey ah!!!!!? are you asleep?!!???

wow, such an impossible question. if i could answer her, i would certainly be awake, and not asleep right? and if i don't answer, i.e, if i was really asleep, her question would be so superfluous right? anyway, i responded, half laughing, if i were, i wouldn't be answering you right?! haha... and she said, quite exasperated with my response, aiyah! i didn't know if you were in the bedroom and i wanted to know la.

haha... well, this is one of those typical case of us not asking the right question. haha... also a typical case of us being so careless with our words... (hmmm, why do i keep ranting about this topic these days!?)... the right question would be, are you in the bedroom? 

haha...

ear rings

had dinner at the airport earlier with mum. bee joined us. and after dinner we went strolling around. mum was coughing... and i was sniffling. bee said he felt like he is falling sick soon. hmmm, seemed like the flu bug is spreading.

anyway, we walked pass a cosmetic jewellery shop and bee bought mum a pair of ear-rings. and although mum kept asking him not to buy, it was quite clear she was excited. we came home and she asked me to help put it on for her... and she looked into the mirror and i could see she was very happy. quick, take it off and keep it. she said after admiring at it...

and she took her medications and went to bed. 

coughing away...

heh heh... thank you bee. 

movie request

only bond, james bond... can do this...

mum saw the skyfall trailer on tv, and she said she is keen to watch the show. wow... first time after so long she actually said she wanted to watch a show! will try to arrange for her to see the show... but first, need to bring her to the doctor. shan't risk having her cough throughout the show...

:-) 

meeting with ex-boss?

remember me having so much tensions with my big boss? well, i left my ex-company when he was away. and when he returned, he asked his secretary to arrange for me to have lunch with him... well, on one hand, i really really do not wish to meet him. so really traumatized by his high-handed toxic way of managing me. yet on the other hand, some of my friends told me to accept the invite, and to meet up. have a cordial lunch with him... don't bitch, you never know what he wants to say. and if you don't accept the lunch, it would be to your disadvantage, don't burn your bridges, they advised.

but i really really do not want to meet him. would very much want to just move on.

what do you think?

jack'd friends

been an interesting 2 weeks with a sudden influx of messages in jack'd. well, of cos, while i ignored most of them, there was indeed a couple of people who actually send quite sincere messages and wanting to be friends... and of these, one of them has been quite consistent in keeping contact and sharing about his work, his hubby etc. 

:-)

influenza bug

mum started coughing last evening. and she complained of chest pains. i was worried and took her blood pressure. things seemed a little high but not unexpected. and her cough lasted through the night. gave her some cough mixture to help her sleep better. today, she started developing runny nose and her asthmatic wheezing started. all these are signs of her coming down with flu. most probably she caught it over the weekend from either my brother or my niece. will bring her to the doctor tomorrow. i am not optimistic about things at this point in time about her health... if things do not go well, there is a high likelihood that mum would be hospitalized again...

ps: on top of that, i am also coming down with the flu myself... arghhh... hope it does not deteriorated to a full blown fever. would be challenging when and if that happens...

picture from http://www.blogster.com/rantshack/fighting-with-the-bug

emoji

related to the inputting of chinese characters, i was so happy to learn that by setting the keyboard, i could actually type chinese characters... and i decided to do some further checks... and guess what!? i also found out that i could do the same with emoticons! wahhhh... and yes, i admit here that i did the same with emoticons... i went to look for apps... and couldn't find a good one. and gave up...

until now...

lol!

writing chinese characters

i have often seen my friends using chinese characters in their fb status updates. and much as my chinese is rather rusty and screwed up, i thought it would be a nice change if i could do the same. afterall, using chinese characters in my sms-es and my fb status updates was quite a norm for me when i had my bb. since changing to an iphone, i have stopped doing so. and i decided i should try to restart this practice again. i had a hard time cos i couldn't find the right apps to help me so... and i search and i search and i downloaded a particular app just to find that it was only a dictionary. finally, feeling exasperated, i posted in whatsapp a group message asking for help... and one of my friends told me, much to my embarrassment... go to the setting, look for keyboard and set the keyboard to chinese characters (i could choose if i wanted simplified characters or traditional characters...)

well, that was the first embarrassment! heh... so, now equipped with this new knowledge, i enthusiastically shared this with 2 of my friends who i had lunch with over the deepavali holiday 2 days back. and this was where i learned a new thing... oh, one of them said, do you know you could actually write it out rather than use the pinyinized version... and he showed me... now, go to the settings, look for keyboard, and set the keyboard... haha... oh... i said. second embarrassment... well, ok la, not much of an embarrassment, just another lesson learned. it's always nice to learn new things and increasing, i do find myself at the idiot end when it comes to such technology-related things... then again, since using apple products, it's been a serious case of unlearning and relearning a lot of things!

:-)

forgetful mum

mum's memory is really failing and indicators are very clear that her condition is deteriorating... here's an example of her failing memory... just 2 days ago, a cousin (let's call her shirley) called up. she has not contacted us for years and suddenly, i received a call from her. she wanted details of my address so that she could visit us to give us her son's wedding invitation card. when she called, i was driving mum to my brother's place. excitedly, i passed the phone to her. and they chatted for quite a while. mum asked shirley about her husband, her son, her daughter, etc... and mum addressed them all by their names... and it was a hearty chat that lasted some 5-10 minutes. at the end of the chat, mum passed me back my phone. and asked me: who is shirley?

!!!

rantings...

being unemployed is one helluva boring... then again, it depends on the activities planned. 

for the past few days since last weekend, been kinda busy taxi-ing mum around... to the clinic, to my brother's place, etc... yup, life kinda centering around my mum, nothing new. and it has also become some sort of a routine for me to visit my chiropractor twice a week for my treatments. my shoulder has been working up and it is affecting my arm... quite impossible to get a proper nights' sleep... most of the time, my sleep would be highly disturbed due to the pain... so the visits do certainly helped relieve the pain. to a certain extend, that is... other than that, it has been about catching up with friends over lunches. and with such schedules, it is no wonder that i have put on an additional kg over the last one month! arghhhh.... need to watch my weight... i can expect this to be a self-reinforcing loop if not managed properly... shoulder ache, sleep, eat, gain weight, sleep, shoulder ache, sleep, eat, gain weight...

:-)

nightmare

last night was really bad... i struggled through the night with my bad shoulder and achy arm. i think it was about 4 or 5-ish before i finally dozed off. but before long, my nightmare started... it is very difficult to explain this nightmare and as in all dreams, i didn't know how it started. this was what i remembered of it and how it went...

i was in a highrise flat... must have been more than 20 stories high. and i was looking out of the living room window. across me, there was another block of similar height. and behind the block was the sea. this scene was very similar to my old marine terrace flat, except that my old flat was no taller than 12 stories... anyway, i found myself looking down to the ground floor and things were falling down from where i was. (i couldn't make sense of this as things were falling from where i was standing and the ground on my feet disappeared at that very moment...). and when i looked up and out to the next block, i noticed...

the sea water had turned black. and the sky was filled with thick black clouds that blocked all sunlight. and all of sudden, a huge wave appeared behind the block in front of me. imagine the scene from 2012 that depicted a monk looking at a wave about to swallow mount everest. you get the idea... this wave swell from the sea within seconds and before i know it, it came rushing towards me. 

someone appeared beside me and screamed for me to close the windows, which i did. well, i could not recall who this person was. let's just call him "mr. x". in no time, the wave crashed towards me. the water was at my eye level. and i saw a person swimming desperately outside. and he knocked on my window, asking me to open it so that he could come into the house. as i was about to slide open the window, mr. x held my hand and stopped me. let him die, mr. x said. and pulled my hands back. the person outside struggled toward the direction of my bedroom.

as he did so, i remembered that my bedroom windows were opened and quickly rushed to my bedroom. it was too late, the man had managed to jump into my bedroom. and he looked angry. "you wanted to leave me to die! you are gonna pay for this!" he said as he rushed towards me...

and i woke up. 

sweat!

anyone any suggestions with regards how to interpret this?

lol!

picture from http://www.examiner.com/article/2012-the-date-the-world-unites

battery die

here's another example of how our usage of the english language has deteriorated... and this example is not a local one. in fact, it is an example that is rather "international"...

have you noticed that in the whatsapp application, there is a defaulted status that says "battery about to die"? well, in proper english usage, shouldn't it be that batteries don't die? instead, they get drained?... hmmm... tsk tsk tsk!

anyway, i posted this as an observation in my fb via my smart phone and well, that is not a very good idea cos i realized my frequent updating of my fb via my smart phone is making my battery die very fast too...

lol!

picture from http://www.discoveringidentity.com/2008/09/

uncle dressing

was at the specialist clinic this morning and i noticed that many uncles (like myself ha!) can actually dress reasonably ok... in terms of the colour co-ordination, choice of clothing, match and all... but one way they (less me, pf course) can improve their looks is to stop tucking their round neck t-shirts in to their jeans/ pants/ shorts... and please, for goodness sake, don't pull their pants all the way up! pants are to protect and cover your crotch, not your nipples!

:-)

picture from http://www.thepresentshop.co.uk/sold-out/biddys-and-coots-sold-out/coots-high-pants-12653.html

勞斯.萊斯

not one who listens to much cantonese songs. but i thought this clip is very nice. not the song per se, but there is just something about the clip that makes it very attractive to me. perhaps it is the very cute eason chan and the co-actor or the whole homo-centric/ iffy closeted theme... and i understand that this song has become some sort of a gay anthem for the hong kong glbt community...

whatever the case, just enjoy it.

:-)

degraded values?

i was having zichar dinner at a heartlander hawker centre with mum on sunday and suddenly a "kaboomz" roared in the background! there was a head-to-head collision some 50m away. everyone around me stood up to look at the crash, and a few rushed to the site to take a closer look (aka kaypoh). and for those heartlander ah sohs and ah cheks (aunts and uncles) around me, here's a sample of conversation amongst them (all words in local singlish and hokkien):

ah soh1: kar meh kar meh... kio lum-ber! kio lum-ber! eh sai buay beh peo! (quick quick, go get the car number! can buy lottery!)

ah chek1: siow la! tia tio si jiu hu kia! jiak hoon kee bo kua chia, luan luan long! chin see eh! (crazy! must be one of those kids from johor! engrossed in smoking and not concentrating on driving! terrible!)

ah soh2: aiyah, tak pai poon langgar... kua kar sian liow! (wtf! always have such accidents... so sick of it already)

ah chek2: wah! ann cua oo ambulern eh?! pian lang eh la. ambulern lai kua kua nia la... (wow! how come there's an ambulance?! must be fake. ambulance only come and take a look...)

hmmm... what do you make of the responses? years ago, when such accidents occur, people around would rush to the site to help the injured... this time round, to hear such responses was, i must say, quite shocking (but also quite funny...). then again, i hope it does not reflect the general value degradation of our heartlanders over the years...

my (very nice) neighbor

i have a neighbor who lives a few floors above me. he is local, should be in his late-30s or early-40s, looks like a japanese, has a beautiful family and kids... and a dog. rich bugger, owns 3 cars, a bmw, a merc and a mitsubishi... the first 2 he and his wife drives to work and the mitsubishi, he uses for his joy rides on weekends. interesting chap. usually see him spend time alone on weekends, with his dog, his car, etc... once a rare while, will see him with his family, and most interesting of all, he always gives this dodgy, weird look at me and bee, especially bee. 

we suspect he is bi all these while... wonder if he is tho... have often bumped into him but never spoke with him, at most, a "hi" and some 2-sentence small talk about how tame and obedient sapphie is compared to his little rascal. anyway, found the opportunity to have a chat with him and to introduce myself to him. finally got to know his name... after all these years! 

lol!

show me yours

of late, i have been getting quite a few crude emails via jack'd. last week, over two consecutive days, two ang mos (caucasians) presumably from the united states (judging from the distance reflected in their profile) in their 20s and claiming that they are college students, unlocked their personal pics to me. the personal pictures showed their aroused assets at full attention... and almost immediately, they send me a follow-up mail asking me to show them mine...

i cannot recall if i blocked them, but i deleted their mail right away.

talking cock (!)...

i had a short conversation in jack'd with a person who asked me about mbti-types a couple of days back. yup, interesting that such a conversation would occur in a commonly perceived gay "sex-centric & to be expected superficial interaction" application. anyway, yes, this "semi-professional" conversation did occur.

as i said, it was about mbti-types, the myers briggs type indicator, or at least it was about mbti when we started (the mbti is a personality tool). the conversation started ok but after two three messages, it became clear that he was not in the full know of the tool or, perhaps, at best a cursory knowledge of it. and i concluded so when he stated quite confidently that it would be quite impossible for a person to adapt to different personality-types. well personally, i cannot claim to fully know the depth despite the fact that i had used the tool for the past 18 years or so... but i think i know it with sufficient depth about the tool to know when one tries to skirt the topic. yup, that was what happened. as the conversation developed, he started to drift from the topic of personality-tools, to leadership theories, to team-building models without realizing it... and he went on to mention some names about these commonly used tools... and when i shared that despite many firms having their own models, most could be distilled to one or two fundamental concepts. i also suggested that consulting firms do that due to business differentiation/ and bottom-line considerations, and more importantly to boost their businesses. he disagreed and said that his firm's model is more than a tool and that it was used for top management/ c-suite, etc. it was quite interesting. this was a 23 year old person who claimed he is a management consultant and does transformation work etc, etc, etc. his responses reminded me of myself when i was much younger.

when i was much younger, i was a fiercely defensive person. i would be quick to defend my views and many a times, in order to show off and/ or to convince people that i know my stuff (or so i thought), i would rattle off non-stop about things without realizing that i had either gone off topic or that whatever i said revealed even more of my own ignorance. well, it was perhaps a good (or bad) thing that i was brought up in an environment where people would interrupt rudely to tell me off and that i should do my research before i even try to engage them further; or i should just stop talking nonsense and making a fool of myself. heh heh... and usually, i would end up with a lot of internal pent up tensions and would blame people for going out to embarrass me. but well, that was my era and people don't give a hoot to tell you off. and that was me, young, and trying to impress.

anyway, back to this person, through the conversation, it was interesting to hear his point of views. at times, he sounded defensive, and many a times he sounded like he wanted to impress. i admit i had doubted his knowledge and i had also questioned his credibility as a "management consultant". at his age, it would be a real challenge for anyone to be able to do any credible consultancy work, much less "management" consultant. at some stage, i even suspected he was a clerical staff or at most a research assistant of sorts. but i did not stop the conversation. i continued to engage him and ask him for his perspective of things. i did not want to make him feel uncomfortable. after all, i do not know him per se, and there's absolutely no need to sound unfriendly. we ended the conversation with me suggesting that we share further about his company's model.

reflecting, i think i have matured. these days, i am more conscious about and in a better position not to sound condescending. even if a person come across as ignorant, i would still respect them and prod them on. i do not think there is a need to embarrass the person. regardless of how illogical he may sound, his views must be respected and that his stand needs to be gently views. by prodding on, it would probably allow him to slowly understand that there are many possible perspectives to things other than his alone, and possibly, for him to realize how naive he sounded. one reason why i do that is because i have come to understand that no one holds absolute authority over any specific domain of knowledge. for any topic, there will be different perspectives and every single perspective is shaped as a result of a person's exposure (or lack of it) to the topic and his/ her experience. and certainly, when person lacks of experience, you cannot fault him, you simply have to allow him to grow up. and that takes time...

ok, my writing is going all over now... 

will stop here.

picture from http://www.jackd.mobi