some thoughts that crossed my mind as i was doing my spring cleaning...
(1) valentines will occur on the same day as lunar new year this year. and i cannot help but feel that valentines seemed so lame and superficial when compared to lunar new year... then again, there are things that are common between the two. take away the lovey dovey idea about valentines and the cupid shit and we can see that both are about spending good quality times with your loved ones and renewing, reflecting and celebrating that relationship (be they family, relatives, friends, spouse, partner, la la la).
(2) while doing spring cleaning, we should work systematically from top down, from inside to outside and from front to back . now, now, don't start thinking crooked. by top to down, what i mean is that we should clean things from top downwards. this include window panes, cabinets, walls, tiles, doors etc. and the reason is simple. water flows down. and so, when you start with the top, you will avoid having the cleaned areas getting dirty by soiled water later on. secondly, from inside to outside. this is especially so for areas that we use to keep things (eg cabinets & cupboards). cos when we clean the interior, we generally mess up the exterior and thus cleaning the interior first will save time and effort. as for front to back. this is generally true if the water source is in the kitchen. put more accurately - from places away from the water source to the water source. this is becos when we clean, we need water. and our journeys will therefore radiate from the water source. so, doing things from far away towards the water source will help us avoid having to clean up messes due to water spilling from the pails etc...
and of cos, yes, after reading this, you must be thinking that i must be really out of my mind to think and reflect on such stuff while doing spring cleaning! to put in perspective, some other not too pleasant thoughts did passed through me too. for example, shit! dirty! oily! yukks! bloody hell! wtf! and what have yous... there! this should put things in perspective.
ha ha, ok, so much for my runaway thoughts... shall go back to my spring cleaning...
:-)
Saturday, 30 January 2010
spring cleaning thoughts
Thursday, 28 January 2010
of condo & whorehouse
my condo had just done up the cny decor and i must say it looked pretty bright and erm... whorehousey. ha ha! and i smsed a lesbian neighbour earlier and this was how our conversation went:
me: go take a look @ the walkway beside our pool. cgreen condo has just been converted to cgreen whore house!
joyce (my lesbian neighbour): huh! damn! i just left the place. i was in the gym just now. what's the commotion?
me: the cny lights! raise the red lanterns!
joyce : i thought got bikini party with girls all over. ha ha ha... so i am not missing much.
me: haiz! why did i forget i am talking to a lesbian! ha!
joyce : hahahaha you said pool and whores... i am sure anyone can come up with that link!
me: !!!
well, i guessed it's a difference in perspective and interpretation of words between gays and lesbians. and perhaps between an uncle and a young girl... hahaha... well, watever...
:-)
me: go take a look @ the walkway beside our pool. cgreen condo has just been converted to cgreen whore house!
joyce (my lesbian neighbour): huh! damn! i just left the place. i was in the gym just now. what's the commotion?
me: the cny lights! raise the red lanterns!
joyce : i thought got bikini party with girls all over. ha ha ha... so i am not missing much.
me: haiz! why did i forget i am talking to a lesbian! ha!
joyce : hahahaha you said pool and whores... i am sure anyone can come up with that link!
me: !!!
well, i guessed it's a difference in perspective and interpretation of words between gays and lesbians. and perhaps between an uncle and a young girl... hahaha... well, watever...
:-)
happy & sad
i brought my mum to the temples at paya lebar and kg baru over these two days. she had been rather insistent about going. and i could understand why.
temples had been one of the pillar of my mum's life. all her life's happiness, sadness, disappointments, hopes, favours, etc had been uttered in front of the gods. and it had been her source of moral and spiritual support her whole life. far as i could recall, her requests had always been about the family's health, my smooth career, about my brother getting a wife, about him being blessed with good people and good fortune at work, etc. all very selfless and borned out of a mother's love for her children. in fact, this had been the angle of her requests all her life! and with every request fulfilled, she would dutifully go and make offerings as a form of thanks. and it was no different over the past two days. she had wanted to give thanks to the gods for answering the favours she had asked for me as well as my brothers. i guessed her motivation to want to give thanks despite her pain arose from her deep respect (or fear? heh heh...) of the gods. and after giving her thanks, i could see her face really brightening up. there was a huge sense of fulfillment of duty. it was such a happy sight to watch. and it made me feel so good.
but at the same time, i also felt sad. and both days, she said she had been chided by my brother for wanting to go to the temple so often. i am sure his words were borned out of concern for her in case she fall down but i guessed he had uttered his words a bit too fast. if only he had held back and tried to understand why she wanted to do so. it was also regretful that my mum took it a little too negatively. as a result, she made up her mind that she would never go pray at temples again. and she made it very clear that the visit today would be her last. forever. and she even thanked me at the end of the visit. it felt weird hearing it. against the backdrop of how the temple and her life had been so inter-twined, i could imagine how lousy she must have felt to say it out. and putting myself in her shoes, i felt sad. very sad. and her words of thanks felt painful to me. it almost seemed like she's doing her final dues before leaving us for good. i might have over-dramatized a little too far, but i couldn't help it. it was hard not to think it this way when you hear the tone of her words. thinking of things this way, i felt a lump in my throat.
giving thanks
today almost seemed similar to yesterday. again mum called asking me to bring her to the temple. only differences was that (1) she called late morning, and (2) she could not remember where this temple was... here's the story.
mum called and i picked up the phone. can you bring me to the temple today? she asked. well, which temple do you want to go? the one located beside the big church she answered. which one? why did you want to go to this temple? oh, the one located near gu jia chwee (chinatown). i want to go there to thank the gods for answering my prayers... came the reply. hmmm, so which temple is it? tu, tu... the one where ah ban's ashes were kept... i went there to seek some favours from the gods 6 months ago. ah kuah brought me there... (ah ban was my late uncle, her late brother and ah kuah was her friend). well, you very much get the idea where the conversation was heading. hmm, 6 months ago? no possible. no i thought. she had not gone anywhere without me knowing 6 months ago, let alone went out with ah kuah her friend. i tried to probe further, but got no further info. she couldn't remember the location. yet, she insisted her memory was correct and that she was not able to reveal to me what she had prayed for...
i decided not to ask further and went ahead to do as she asked. i suspected (actually i was quite convinced) it was her dementia at play again. nonetheless, i drove to her place and picked her up. and before we set off, she asked me to help her buy powder. the old traditional type that we used to pray to the moon goddess and to the seven fairies. ha ha... that itself was a huge challenge cos i really did not know where to get. and even mum herself did not know. apparently she had asked the domestic helper to bring her out to buy earlier in the morning and after walking around the central, they went home empty handed, save for some loose flowers. i drove a short distance and decided to try one of the neighbourhood shophouses. and as luck may have it, or perhaps the gods were guiding me, i walked right into a joss paper shop once i walked out of the car park. and something told me i could find it in this shop instead of a supermarket! heh heh.... and yes, i got it. altho mum refused to tell me what she had prayed for, just by looking at what she had bought, i already knew. when i gave it to mum, you should see how she broke into a huge sunshine smile and started laughing! "wa... you so clever! know that this is exactly what i had wanted" she exclaimed in hokkien. that itself made my day! it was priceless!
based on her description, i looked up the street directory for religious places where a church and a taost temple co-exist side-by-side. i told her i would drive her around chinatown to look for it. but to pre-empt any possible disappointment if we could not find the temple, i told her god would still be happy if she set up an altar at home and give thanks there. and that i would place the powder under a tree for god to recieve it after the prayers. she reluctantly agreed provided i could not find the temple. driving around chinatown and tiong bahru, i found 2 possible temples. each time, she said it was not the correct one. and to trying give me a better description, she said - bus number 61 stops there. hmmm, frankly, it was not very useful at all. telling a person who drives what bus goes there was totally useless. finally, she said my brother had brought her there before... and so, i gave him a call and i got the answer. apparently, the temple was located at kampong baru. nearer to telok blangah. quite a distance from chinatown! heh heh...
driving there was an amazement in itself! mum had been rite all along! there was a bus 61. there was a huge church. and there was indeed a temple. and to get into the temple hall, she had to negotiate 2 flight of steps. willingly she did. this was despite her painful knees. i guessed her commitment and desire to want to repay the gods overruled all feelings of pain. in no time, she completed her prayers. and i sent her back. through the afternoon of engaging her, i figured she was brought to the temple by ah kuah, her lifelong good friend, 6 years ago to make a request to the resident god for my brother and i to settle down (read - get a wife). my brother had finally gotten married and she felt she needed to give thanks.
really, after this whole episode, i felt a little guilty and ashamed of myself for doubting her and suspecting it was her dementia at play when she called me earlier. i was however glad i took her to hunt for the temple and that i could help her realize her desire to give thanks. it was such a good feeling to be able to see her cheered up after the prayers.
:-)
mum called and i picked up the phone. can you bring me to the temple today? she asked. well, which temple do you want to go? the one located beside the big church she answered. which one? why did you want to go to this temple? oh, the one located near gu jia chwee (chinatown). i want to go there to thank the gods for answering my prayers... came the reply. hmmm, so which temple is it? tu, tu... the one where ah ban's ashes were kept... i went there to seek some favours from the gods 6 months ago. ah kuah brought me there... (ah ban was my late uncle, her late brother and ah kuah was her friend). well, you very much get the idea where the conversation was heading. hmm, 6 months ago? no possible. no i thought. she had not gone anywhere without me knowing 6 months ago, let alone went out with ah kuah her friend. i tried to probe further, but got no further info. she couldn't remember the location. yet, she insisted her memory was correct and that she was not able to reveal to me what she had prayed for...
i decided not to ask further and went ahead to do as she asked. i suspected (actually i was quite convinced) it was her dementia at play again. nonetheless, i drove to her place and picked her up. and before we set off, she asked me to help her buy powder. the old traditional type that we used to pray to the moon goddess and to the seven fairies. ha ha... that itself was a huge challenge cos i really did not know where to get. and even mum herself did not know. apparently she had asked the domestic helper to bring her out to buy earlier in the morning and after walking around the central, they went home empty handed, save for some loose flowers. i drove a short distance and decided to try one of the neighbourhood shophouses. and as luck may have it, or perhaps the gods were guiding me, i walked right into a joss paper shop once i walked out of the car park. and something told me i could find it in this shop instead of a supermarket! heh heh.... and yes, i got it. altho mum refused to tell me what she had prayed for, just by looking at what she had bought, i already knew. when i gave it to mum, you should see how she broke into a huge sunshine smile and started laughing! "wa... you so clever! know that this is exactly what i had wanted" she exclaimed in hokkien. that itself made my day! it was priceless!
based on her description, i looked up the street directory for religious places where a church and a taost temple co-exist side-by-side. i told her i would drive her around chinatown to look for it. but to pre-empt any possible disappointment if we could not find the temple, i told her god would still be happy if she set up an altar at home and give thanks there. and that i would place the powder under a tree for god to recieve it after the prayers. she reluctantly agreed provided i could not find the temple. driving around chinatown and tiong bahru, i found 2 possible temples. each time, she said it was not the correct one. and to trying give me a better description, she said - bus number 61 stops there. hmmm, frankly, it was not very useful at all. telling a person who drives what bus goes there was totally useless. finally, she said my brother had brought her there before... and so, i gave him a call and i got the answer. apparently, the temple was located at kampong baru. nearer to telok blangah. quite a distance from chinatown! heh heh...
driving there was an amazement in itself! mum had been rite all along! there was a bus 61. there was a huge church. and there was indeed a temple. and to get into the temple hall, she had to negotiate 2 flight of steps. willingly she did. this was despite her painful knees. i guessed her commitment and desire to want to repay the gods overruled all feelings of pain. in no time, she completed her prayers. and i sent her back. through the afternoon of engaging her, i figured she was brought to the temple by ah kuah, her lifelong good friend, 6 years ago to make a request to the resident god for my brother and i to settle down (read - get a wife). my brother had finally gotten married and she felt she needed to give thanks.
really, after this whole episode, i felt a little guilty and ashamed of myself for doubting her and suspecting it was her dementia at play when she called me earlier. i was however glad i took her to hunt for the temple and that i could help her realize her desire to give thanks. it was such a good feeling to be able to see her cheered up after the prayers.
:-)
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
weird behaviour
mum has been behaving weird of late.
this morning, i literally jumped out of bed when i saw my phone registered 22 missed calls! and this was when i had just managed to take a short 3-hour nap after a whole night of tossing and turning. fearing something bad had happened, i immediately called my brother's place. and guessed what? mum answered and asked if i could go over and drive her to the temple. she added that i should go over as soon as i could. and even after suggesting that we go after lunch, she insisted otherwise. sensing something wrong, i did not try to re-convince her and rushed through brushing my teeth, changing up and rushed out of the house.
i asked for mum to meet me at the ground floor. when i arrived, she looked rather glum. and looking at the domestic helper, i sensed something wrong. she asked me to drive her to bedok before heading to the temple as she needed to buy joss sticks, joss papers, offerings and other prayer stuff. i dutifully did so. apparently she had remembered she made some requests from the gods a couple of months back and now wanted to return the dues. and it must be done before the gods return to heaven before the lunar new year. during the journey, i managed to get her to tell me what's wrong. and boy was she full of complains. all these complains sounded like an old woman feeling too bored and being jealous with the fact that her son is spending more time with his new wife. she complained that my brother has been rather rude to her of late, allegedly telling her that she had caused the untility bill to increase, not giving her money to go out, and so on... but looking from her perspective, i can understand her frustrations.
this morning, after remembering that she needed to go to the temple, she asked my brother for cash. but instead of doing so, he allegedly told her off and asked why she so liked to go temple so much. he added that being old, she should just stay at home. in the end, he did not give her the money. and mum resorted to borrowing from the domestic helper! hmmm, well, i know not of all the details. but knowing my brother's character, i thought it might be possible that he indeed had been venting his anger and raising his voice at her. but then again, i did not want to take sides. instead, i asked her to reflect on the fact that perhaps my brother could have said things a little rudely, but his intentions had been one of concern that being old, it would be risky for her to go out so often. but it was not easy to convince her given that she herself had been convinced that my brother has been unfairly treating her. and given what happened this morning, she was so convinced that her visit to the temple today would be her last. and as she spoke, she cried.
and she started to relate stories that made her angry. her stories included events from aeons ago! she spoke of how my dad left her long time back, how my aunt caused her to miscarry, how she was ill-treated by my grandma, la la la... and the terms she used sounded very crude and angry. it was clear that she had not been able to forgive and move on from events that happened over 40 years ago.
and it struck me.
her dementia has worsened. the indicators were clear. she had been rather irritable lately. and she had been behaving like she needed a lot more attention. she remembered all those things that happened years ago and talked like as though they had only happened recently. added to this, some of the things she said did not seem to make sense. her sense of numbers and time were often mixed up. in the car, she was convinced today is the seventh lunar month, yet she told me new year is coming... hmmm... challenging indeed. i listened. i corrected her gently when needed. i maintained a consistent sense of calm and kept reminding her of buddha and his teachings. i reminded her that as good buddhist, we should learn to forgive and move on and to continue to do our prayers. over the few hours i was with her, i managed to cool her down. and after visiting the temple, she certainly looked a lot more composed and happy. she had finally returned the dues to the gods for her prayers. and on the way home, she could at least laugh when i joked with her.
reflecting on all these developments, it was clear that my mum's aging process is significantly different from that of my dads'. yet one thing is consistent - that taking care of old people is very challenging. i can fully understand if my brother had indeed gotten frustrated. it had happened to me once too when i shouted at my dad. i am not saying it is justified, rather, i am saying it is difficult and needs a lot of self restraint. but when things breaks loose, people will get hurt. feelings will get hurt. and that is where i think siblings should come in and help each other. i just hope this will not happen too often.
sleepless nite
hardly slept last night. guessed my mind was too active cos i was working on my resume last night till late. at the same time, i was afraid i couldn't wake up as i had agreed to pay my 3-month overdue newspaper subscription to the newspaper man at 6-ish this morning. no choice... he came in the evening several times and each time, i was out.
yawns...
yawns...
Monday, 25 January 2010
english high tea
it's been a long while since we had english high tea. and i managed to find one at the pan pacific over the weekend. and so, we decided to give it a try today. and at 3pm, karstan, schneider, bee and i gathered at the atrium at pan pacific. and it was then that i found out the price was s$28++. not too high. all hot drinks were free flow and we could take our pick. the croissant, scones and the sandwiches were passable, but the cakes were really good! it was such a nice surprise! heh heh... and when i called for the bill, i found out that there was a promotion for uob, ocbc and amex card holders - one for one. and we ended up paying for only 2 pax!
:-)
:-)
Sunday, 24 January 2010
new friends
recently made 2 new friends in the internet. and have been exchanging views about life in general, work, buddhism, etc. sharing of views over the net is interesting given the lack of knowledge of how we look like. and this helps bring the conversation to a whole new level of depth...
:-)
:-)
hurray
heh... decided to play this game again today and guess what? i completed the game and broke our previous records... playing computer games may be seen as lame and a waste of time by many, myself included. but playing it once a while certainly breaks life's routines and may actually be good. i supposed it boils down to moderation. do what makes you happy but do not get addicted to it.:-)
coming out
i received a mail from hw2 today thanking me for the call. and i decided that i should do the right thing. so, i came out to her. i hope, and i am sure, she would be able to accept me as i am.
reflecting, this was not the first time i come out to people. in fact, i have done so so many times over the past decade that i am quite used to it. i only do so to people i am comfortable with. and everytime i do it, it seemed like i have to go through the whole process of thinking how they would take it, whether they are ok to have a gay friend, whether they are homophobic, la la la... again and again. i guess at end of the day, and with sufficient practise, coming out is no big deal to me.
during my early days, my first thoughts when deciding whether to come out was whether i would be risking the friendship, about how people would see me, about how people would treat me, etc. in short, it was all about me. but these days, my thoughts seemed to be more about the other party. i think it probably is a result of my being comfortable with myself. whatever the case, for whoever i come out to, i saw them go through a short period of 'sensemaking' and during this period, there were be lots of thoughts going through their minds. i am glad all my friends whom i have come out to have accepted me openly and wholeheartedly. and as a result, our friendship deepened. i am so blessed to have such friends. but for some of my friends, their experiences were a little more disappointing. some of them totally lost their friends. it is deeply regrettable. then again, perhaps we are better of without such `friends'. but well, i guess the choice is theirs.
coming out is a process that affects both parties. and i do sometimes ask - who is affected more? the gay man himself? or the one he comes out to?
:-)
ps: i do admit that i have a really long time and close friend that i have not come out to him for fear that i would really lose him....
Friday, 22 January 2010
hw2
i am writing this blog as a way to capture my sadness about a dear friend who may be required to undergo treatment for cancer very soon. she is still awaiting her tests results as i write. rather than use her name, i will abbreviate it here as hw2.
hw2 was a classmate of mine during my uni days. she was a very quiet but very nice person. after graduation, we went on to do our honours years together and we ended up being placed in the same lab. i remembered that once, when we were nearing the exams period and all of us were rushing to complete our thesis, i suddenly blacked out and almost fainted in the lab. and i was saved by hw2. i think it was due to over-exhaustion as i had worked long hours for my thesis and at the same time, helping my friends with theirs... and on that very day as i was working in the lamina flow, i felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, i felt a wave of coldness through my body, and next thing i knew, i was on the floor. hw2, who was in the lab at that moment, rushed to me and pulled me to the sofa. she held my cold hand, told me to hold on and rushed off to make some hot milo for me. that saved me. not too long after that, we graduated and did not keep much in contact since then. that was in mar 1991.
it was funny but somehow sometime 4-5 years ago, she managed to get my email and sent me a mail. we re-established contact after that and that was when we managed to play catch up learning about how each of us had gone on with life after graduation. she eventually married one of our department post grad students and moved to france with him (he's french). they are now happily married with 2 beautiful sons. although our correspondences dwindled with time, 2 thing remained constant - she would consistently would sent me her annual reflections and some photos of her family yearly (it was this that motivated me to do my annual reflections in my blog). in addition, she would occasionally sent hand-written letters and self-recorded french songs to me. it was so so sweet of her to do so. these emails reflects on her as a deeply caring person and the letters gave me a good understanding of her life in france. and through me, i also managed to expand our emails to some of our closer uni friends. thus, in a way, she was part of the group, yet divided by distance. and she made the resolution that she would one day have dinner with all of us.
last dec, as per her usual practise, she sent out her reflections to us. this time round, her email sounded rather dark and after reading, we all got worried. you see, a lump was found in her breast recently. following further examinations, she was told she had to undergo mastectomy in jan 2010. this discovery was a huge blow to her. it forced her to reflect deeply into her life, her family, her kids and her friends. when we read her email, we were concerned. it became the talking point during our annual christmas dinner and drinks. but, we couldn't do anything except to wish her well and to keep her in our thoughts.
hw2 eventually went for her mastectomy last week. and i gave her a call yesterday. it was meant to be a surprise to cheer her up, to say hello to her and to sent her my other uni friend's regards. but i was not prepared to hear what she had to tell. after the procedure, the doctors had also discovered that one of her lymph nodes had been affected. as a result, they have ordered for more tests to determine the extend of its spread. and she shared that she might have to start chemotherapy treatments before lunar new year. talking to her, i could sense her helpless frustrations amidst her cheerfulness. and for me, there was nothing i could do except to ask her to take very good care of herself, be optimistic and to leave things in god's good hands. the conversation was short. we ended the conversation with her telling me that she still wants to make sure she joins our uni friends group for dinner.
i wish her well. i really do.
hw2 was a classmate of mine during my uni days. she was a very quiet but very nice person. after graduation, we went on to do our honours years together and we ended up being placed in the same lab. i remembered that once, when we were nearing the exams period and all of us were rushing to complete our thesis, i suddenly blacked out and almost fainted in the lab. and i was saved by hw2. i think it was due to over-exhaustion as i had worked long hours for my thesis and at the same time, helping my friends with theirs... and on that very day as i was working in the lamina flow, i felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, i felt a wave of coldness through my body, and next thing i knew, i was on the floor. hw2, who was in the lab at that moment, rushed to me and pulled me to the sofa. she held my cold hand, told me to hold on and rushed off to make some hot milo for me. that saved me. not too long after that, we graduated and did not keep much in contact since then. that was in mar 1991.
it was funny but somehow sometime 4-5 years ago, she managed to get my email and sent me a mail. we re-established contact after that and that was when we managed to play catch up learning about how each of us had gone on with life after graduation. she eventually married one of our department post grad students and moved to france with him (he's french). they are now happily married with 2 beautiful sons. although our correspondences dwindled with time, 2 thing remained constant - she would consistently would sent me her annual reflections and some photos of her family yearly (it was this that motivated me to do my annual reflections in my blog). in addition, she would occasionally sent hand-written letters and self-recorded french songs to me. it was so so sweet of her to do so. these emails reflects on her as a deeply caring person and the letters gave me a good understanding of her life in france. and through me, i also managed to expand our emails to some of our closer uni friends. thus, in a way, she was part of the group, yet divided by distance. and she made the resolution that she would one day have dinner with all of us.
last dec, as per her usual practise, she sent out her reflections to us. this time round, her email sounded rather dark and after reading, we all got worried. you see, a lump was found in her breast recently. following further examinations, she was told she had to undergo mastectomy in jan 2010. this discovery was a huge blow to her. it forced her to reflect deeply into her life, her family, her kids and her friends. when we read her email, we were concerned. it became the talking point during our annual christmas dinner and drinks. but, we couldn't do anything except to wish her well and to keep her in our thoughts.
hw2 eventually went for her mastectomy last week. and i gave her a call yesterday. it was meant to be a surprise to cheer her up, to say hello to her and to sent her my other uni friend's regards. but i was not prepared to hear what she had to tell. after the procedure, the doctors had also discovered that one of her lymph nodes had been affected. as a result, they have ordered for more tests to determine the extend of its spread. and she shared that she might have to start chemotherapy treatments before lunar new year. talking to her, i could sense her helpless frustrations amidst her cheerfulness. and for me, there was nothing i could do except to ask her to take very good care of herself, be optimistic and to leave things in god's good hands. the conversation was short. we ended the conversation with her telling me that she still wants to make sure she joins our uni friends group for dinner.
i wish her well. i really do.
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
ages of life
00 - 10 - foundation laying, growing, learning
11 - 20 - trying, testing, absorbing, rebelling
21 - 30 - toiling, working like shit
31 - 40 - blossoming, flying
41 - 50 - stabilising
51 - 60 - sustaining
61 - 70 - retiring
70 onwards... resting
what say you?
11 - 20 - trying, testing, absorbing, rebelling
21 - 30 - toiling, working like shit
31 - 40 - blossoming, flying
41 - 50 - stabilising
51 - 60 - sustaining
61 - 70 - retiring
70 onwards... resting
what say you?
work-life balance
what is work-life balance?
think this term has been overused and under-understood. and i am reflecting this in this post as a result of a person whom i met today complaining to me that he is not enjoying his work and that he has no work-life balance. and when i asked him what his longer term goal was, he stared at me blankly. let me share my thoughts here.
to many, work-life balance means having more time for own disposal, family and friends. but is it that straight forward? for most of us, time for own, family and friends will never be enough rite? at end of the day, we might as well take away the whole thing called work. then again, we quickly recognise that when we do that, we will also end up with no life! i am sure there is no one who wants to work for work sake. rather, one works for the money to be able to sustain one's life. and if one needs a better life, one needs more monies. and to get it, one will need to work more. when this happens, one will invariably need to prioritise his time towards his work. so, work and life cannot be mutually exclusive with one another. they are symbiotic.
if this is the case, that i want to focus on what is the cause that motivates a person to tip his priorities towards work (instead of towards himself, his friends or for that matter, his family). my own personal take is that it is the sense of purpose as to why he is doing that work. this sense of purpose makes ones' work meaningful. and if one's work is meaningful, the whole idea of work-life balance does not exist as they are in harmony.
ok, so how does one achieve this sense of purpose? my view is that to have this sense of purpose (or in another word, for one's work to be meaningful to him), one need to be clear of his vision and long term goals. with this clarity, he will know how to select a profession that will allow him to move closer towards his longer term goals over time. ie, his profession choice is meaningful to him. this will make the motivation to work will come from within him and not purely from external sources such as monetary rewards or punishments (although they are important). when this is achieved, he will willingly prioritise and commit his time to his work when there is a need. in this state, he will never complain about work-life balance.
views?
ps: something to think about - how many business owner actually complains about work-life balance? i have not heard of any. to them, their work is their life. and their work is an outcome of their choice. the motivation to work comes from within them.
think this term has been overused and under-understood. and i am reflecting this in this post as a result of a person whom i met today complaining to me that he is not enjoying his work and that he has no work-life balance. and when i asked him what his longer term goal was, he stared at me blankly. let me share my thoughts here.
to many, work-life balance means having more time for own disposal, family and friends. but is it that straight forward? for most of us, time for own, family and friends will never be enough rite? at end of the day, we might as well take away the whole thing called work. then again, we quickly recognise that when we do that, we will also end up with no life! i am sure there is no one who wants to work for work sake. rather, one works for the money to be able to sustain one's life. and if one needs a better life, one needs more monies. and to get it, one will need to work more. when this happens, one will invariably need to prioritise his time towards his work. so, work and life cannot be mutually exclusive with one another. they are symbiotic.
if this is the case, that i want to focus on what is the cause that motivates a person to tip his priorities towards work (instead of towards himself, his friends or for that matter, his family). my own personal take is that it is the sense of purpose as to why he is doing that work. this sense of purpose makes ones' work meaningful. and if one's work is meaningful, the whole idea of work-life balance does not exist as they are in harmony.
ok, so how does one achieve this sense of purpose? my view is that to have this sense of purpose (or in another word, for one's work to be meaningful to him), one need to be clear of his vision and long term goals. with this clarity, he will know how to select a profession that will allow him to move closer towards his longer term goals over time. ie, his profession choice is meaningful to him. this will make the motivation to work will come from within him and not purely from external sources such as monetary rewards or punishments (although they are important). when this is achieved, he will willingly prioritise and commit his time to his work when there is a need. in this state, he will never complain about work-life balance.
views?
ps: something to think about - how many business owner actually complains about work-life balance? i have not heard of any. to them, their work is their life. and their work is an outcome of their choice. the motivation to work comes from within them.
Monday, 18 January 2010
names of the divine
there has been much debate about the use of the word 'allah' in malaysia. and tensions are running high and that there are people throwing things into churches etc. and when i read about postings in the internet sites about people talking about it issue, it is actually quite heartening that sensible people are aplenty.
to me, it is not a conceptual issue. i think it's simply a presentation issue. regretfully, some people wants to make it into a conceptual issue just to gain political brownie points. it is dangerous and it divides the society. let's take a look at the issue. conceptually both sides agree that there is only one god. and that both side share similar views about the origins of their believes. so, this is already a good starting point. but the muslims cannot agree to the christians using the word `allah' in christian publications as it might confuse them. but the christian's argument is that they have been using it for centuries and that the word in arab simply means god, which both side agree is universal and that there is only one god. so? is there is middle ground? i say yes. and the answer lies in how things are packaged - a presentation issue i call it.
how do we present this concept call `god'? personally, i think there is only one variable we need to agree on - language. well, of cos, and a lot of common sense.
first and fundamentally the crux of the issue, acknowledge that the word `allah' is arabic for `god'. it is not copywrited. it cannot be. and if we can agree on this, then christians should be allowed to use it in their publications provided the publications is written in arabic (language remember?). but if their publication is written in english, then the word `god' should be used. this is consistent with all other english christian publications worldwide. however if it is written in malay, then impose the ruling that they should use `tuhan' (which mean `god' in malay). as for muslims, given the historical use of `allah' in their language to depict 'god' in their publications, they could continue to use `allah' in malay publications... however, if this is unacceptable to the christians based on the argument that `allah' has also been used for centuries in malaysia in malay christian publications (ie, accepted in the malay language that allah = god), then one way out could be to continue to use `allah' but that this publication should carry the necessary words to inform people that this is a christian publication. and to ensure there is no downstream issues with other faith also starting using the word `allah', the authorities should restrict that this term could only be used only to depict `god' of the abrahamic-origins. maybe there could also be a clearer definition of this term in the malay dictionary? hmmm, back to the fact that it can be tackled by being clearer about it at the language level... :-)
seemed quite easy rite? no?
hmmm... i think it is. but i supposed when politics gets into the way and unscruplous politicians want to use it to garner support, or when there is no guts by the political leadership to want to get it rite (at the language-level) or to show any leadership in this matter, then things can only get awfully wrong...
my thoughts on this...
ps: using the historical argument, it reminded me of how sikhs are excused from shaving their beard when serving national service, as well as wearing safety helmets when riding motorbikes. but this is where common sense and agreeing not to disturb the status quo must prevail.
to me, it is not a conceptual issue. i think it's simply a presentation issue. regretfully, some people wants to make it into a conceptual issue just to gain political brownie points. it is dangerous and it divides the society. let's take a look at the issue. conceptually both sides agree that there is only one god. and that both side share similar views about the origins of their believes. so, this is already a good starting point. but the muslims cannot agree to the christians using the word `allah' in christian publications as it might confuse them. but the christian's argument is that they have been using it for centuries and that the word in arab simply means god, which both side agree is universal and that there is only one god. so? is there is middle ground? i say yes. and the answer lies in how things are packaged - a presentation issue i call it.
how do we present this concept call `god'? personally, i think there is only one variable we need to agree on - language. well, of cos, and a lot of common sense.
first and fundamentally the crux of the issue, acknowledge that the word `allah' is arabic for `god'. it is not copywrited. it cannot be. and if we can agree on this, then christians should be allowed to use it in their publications provided the publications is written in arabic (language remember?). but if their publication is written in english, then the word `god' should be used. this is consistent with all other english christian publications worldwide. however if it is written in malay, then impose the ruling that they should use `tuhan' (which mean `god' in malay). as for muslims, given the historical use of `allah' in their language to depict 'god' in their publications, they could continue to use `allah' in malay publications... however, if this is unacceptable to the christians based on the argument that `allah' has also been used for centuries in malaysia in malay christian publications (ie, accepted in the malay language that allah = god), then one way out could be to continue to use `allah' but that this publication should carry the necessary words to inform people that this is a christian publication. and to ensure there is no downstream issues with other faith also starting using the word `allah', the authorities should restrict that this term could only be used only to depict `god' of the abrahamic-origins. maybe there could also be a clearer definition of this term in the malay dictionary? hmmm, back to the fact that it can be tackled by being clearer about it at the language level... :-)
seemed quite easy rite? no?
hmmm... i think it is. but i supposed when politics gets into the way and unscruplous politicians want to use it to garner support, or when there is no guts by the political leadership to want to get it rite (at the language-level) or to show any leadership in this matter, then things can only get awfully wrong...
my thoughts on this...
ps: using the historical argument, it reminded me of how sikhs are excused from shaving their beard when serving national service, as well as wearing safety helmets when riding motorbikes. but this is where common sense and agreeing not to disturb the status quo must prevail.
argh!
i am feeling down...
and i think i'll be feeling down for the next few days. i hate it when my body respond this way. why do i feel down when i feel stressed. think i should go eat more sashimi. happy food.
wtf!
ps: pse don't ask me why. i will not answer...
and i think i'll be feeling down for the next few days. i hate it when my body respond this way. why do i feel down when i feel stressed. think i should go eat more sashimi. happy food.
wtf!
ps: pse don't ask me why. i will not answer...
Sunday, 17 January 2010
temple cleaning
been a superbly tiring day... but i felt happy about it. had initally planned to do spring cleaning at the temple, visit my mum and visit sungei buloh... in the end, we left the temple only at about 4plus. heh heh...
despite the fact that the temple spring cleaning started yesterday, there was still so much to clean today! when we arrived at 8.30am, there was already a whole lot of volunteers spring cleaning the place. bee and schneider were asked to clean the kitchen (think that was becos they look younger and more energetic), and i kenah asked to polish the furniture. my first thought was - haiz... give me such easy peezie task. why? becos i look old rite?... anyway, i started cleaning them. no questions asked. when in a team, do what the leader task. heh heh... the furnitures i was asked to polish was a set of old chinese furniture, the type that has lots of carvings of bats, flowers and what have yous... and the venerable asked me to wipe it with a dry cloth before polishing it with the furniture spray polish. my inital thought that it would be easy peezie turned out to be a real test of my patience! each piece of furniture had many many holes due to the carvings! and cleaning the little holes, one by one... took me about 15 minutes just to clean one single chair! and i had like over 12 chairs, 1 huge dining table and 2 side tables! argh! i only managed to finish them after about 3 hours plus. and just when i was about to finish, the shi fu came to me and asked if i could also polish the collapsible door of the main hall. hmmmm, i paused. but well, ok. gladly. really, compared to the chairs, this should be relatively easier... and yes it was. 45min and it was done.
and lunch was served. went back to do the final touch up on the collapsible door. and shi fu came along. "do you think the temple mainboard can be cleaned? (the one that carries the temples' name at thje front door) it looks a little dirty, do you think we can use chemicals? will chemicals spoil the surface" the shi fu asked. i looked up. i thought for a while. and i gave her my opinion... and she went on to ask if i could also help clean it. oh well, of cos of cos... how to turn down a shi fu rite? and so, i started on it. it was a huge board! and it was darned bloody dirty! in all, it took me an hour plus just to wipe it clean! but it was a good feeling to see it shine after the whole process. and once that was done, i went to help bee and schneider wash the kitchen floor. and once that was done, we were asked to clean the collapsible gates' metal frame at the main entrance. the layers and layers of grease built up over time was one helluva difficult to clean... but well, after the whole morning of cleaning, nothing could stop us by then. we managed to get it done in good time.
heh heh... it was one superbly long and terribly tiring day! somewhere along the way, we decided that we should just clean as much as we could and forget about sungei buloh. we had no complains about it at all. we were just too willing to help. and looking at the things cleaned after the whole process made us felt really good. but now, my whole body is aching. and i am so sure tomoorrow, i will be getting up feeling like a my whole skeleton had been just reassembled!
heh heh heh...
:-)
ps: and yes, i managed to rush to visit my mum and gave her a quick massage after that.
despite the fact that the temple spring cleaning started yesterday, there was still so much to clean today! when we arrived at 8.30am, there was already a whole lot of volunteers spring cleaning the place. bee and schneider were asked to clean the kitchen (think that was becos they look younger and more energetic), and i kenah asked to polish the furniture. my first thought was - haiz... give me such easy peezie task. why? becos i look old rite?... anyway, i started cleaning them. no questions asked. when in a team, do what the leader task. heh heh... the furnitures i was asked to polish was a set of old chinese furniture, the type that has lots of carvings of bats, flowers and what have yous... and the venerable asked me to wipe it with a dry cloth before polishing it with the furniture spray polish. my inital thought that it would be easy peezie turned out to be a real test of my patience! each piece of furniture had many many holes due to the carvings! and cleaning the little holes, one by one... took me about 15 minutes just to clean one single chair! and i had like over 12 chairs, 1 huge dining table and 2 side tables! argh! i only managed to finish them after about 3 hours plus. and just when i was about to finish, the shi fu came to me and asked if i could also polish the collapsible door of the main hall. hmmmm, i paused. but well, ok. gladly. really, compared to the chairs, this should be relatively easier... and yes it was. 45min and it was done.
and lunch was served. went back to do the final touch up on the collapsible door. and shi fu came along. "do you think the temple mainboard can be cleaned? (the one that carries the temples' name at thje front door) it looks a little dirty, do you think we can use chemicals? will chemicals spoil the surface" the shi fu asked. i looked up. i thought for a while. and i gave her my opinion... and she went on to ask if i could also help clean it. oh well, of cos of cos... how to turn down a shi fu rite? and so, i started on it. it was a huge board! and it was darned bloody dirty! in all, it took me an hour plus just to wipe it clean! but it was a good feeling to see it shine after the whole process. and once that was done, i went to help bee and schneider wash the kitchen floor. and once that was done, we were asked to clean the collapsible gates' metal frame at the main entrance. the layers and layers of grease built up over time was one helluva difficult to clean... but well, after the whole morning of cleaning, nothing could stop us by then. we managed to get it done in good time.
heh heh... it was one superbly long and terribly tiring day! somewhere along the way, we decided that we should just clean as much as we could and forget about sungei buloh. we had no complains about it at all. we were just too willing to help. and looking at the things cleaned after the whole process made us felt really good. but now, my whole body is aching. and i am so sure tomoorrow, i will be getting up feeling like a my whole skeleton had been just reassembled!
heh heh heh...
:-)
ps: and yes, i managed to rush to visit my mum and gave her a quick massage after that.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
wat a huge dick!
catchy title rite? heh heh... but well, that is really wat i am gonna write about. this post may sound pretty x-rated, but what the heck... ha!
last week, i was at bugis for lunch with a friend. and as i waited for him at the money changer near the traffic junction, i saw this guy walking around looking like he was looking for a friend. with his back towards me, he looked very much the guy next door. nothing special. but wat caught my attention was that he was taller than all the people around. he might have been 1.8m plus tall, or rather, closer to 1.9m. not too common for a chinese. and he was dressed in a rather tight black tee-shirt and tight blue jeans. must be gay i thought. and i was curious how he looked like. and when he turned around, i gasped.
usually when i look at a person, my eye would look at the face and scan the whole body, but for this chap, i forgot how he looked almost immediately. what immediately caught my eyes was the fact that he had a super huge dick! ahem... ok, he was superbly well-endowed. and how do i know? well, it was easy. i looked at his dick (heh, i no shy to admit one). ok, put more correctly, as i scanned his whole body, his dick's outline jumped out. literally! if the very tight jeans were white instead of navy blue, i could have even guessed his religion! heh heh... he was either freeballing (not wearing any underwear) or he was wearing boxer shorts. and his dick, that was positioned at 7 o'clock, extended to his thighs! quick estimate - 6-7 inches.
i couldn't believe my eyes! not possible i thought. not with a chinese. then again, my assumption was that he was soft. perhaps, just perhaps he was having a hard on i thought. but if he was indeed having one, such a position would have been terribly uncomfortable! and looking at the way he was briskly walking from point to point, my only conclusion was that it was flaccid! and if that was the case... wow! wow! wow!
anyway, that was it... he walked towards the bus stop... and then disappeared into the mall... oooooooooooooooooo....
heh heh...
last week, i was at bugis for lunch with a friend. and as i waited for him at the money changer near the traffic junction, i saw this guy walking around looking like he was looking for a friend. with his back towards me, he looked very much the guy next door. nothing special. but wat caught my attention was that he was taller than all the people around. he might have been 1.8m plus tall, or rather, closer to 1.9m. not too common for a chinese. and he was dressed in a rather tight black tee-shirt and tight blue jeans. must be gay i thought. and i was curious how he looked like. and when he turned around, i gasped.
usually when i look at a person, my eye would look at the face and scan the whole body, but for this chap, i forgot how he looked almost immediately. what immediately caught my eyes was the fact that he had a super huge dick! ahem... ok, he was superbly well-endowed. and how do i know? well, it was easy. i looked at his dick (heh, i no shy to admit one). ok, put more correctly, as i scanned his whole body, his dick's outline jumped out. literally! if the very tight jeans were white instead of navy blue, i could have even guessed his religion! heh heh... he was either freeballing (not wearing any underwear) or he was wearing boxer shorts. and his dick, that was positioned at 7 o'clock, extended to his thighs! quick estimate - 6-7 inches.
i couldn't believe my eyes! not possible i thought. not with a chinese. then again, my assumption was that he was soft. perhaps, just perhaps he was having a hard on i thought. but if he was indeed having one, such a position would have been terribly uncomfortable! and looking at the way he was briskly walking from point to point, my only conclusion was that it was flaccid! and if that was the case... wow! wow! wow!
anyway, that was it... he walked towards the bus stop... and then disappeared into the mall... oooooooooooooooooo....
heh heh...
revised resume
after attended some 6-7 sessions of the career management consultancy programme, i am at the stage whereby my resume is being scrutinized through and through. well, to be exact, not really. in fact, it was a case of them coaching me through the resume writing process to help me ensure my resume sounds really really impressive. i must admit that even i myself cannot really recognise myself after having revised it to the way they suggested. haha!
but really, looking at the way they guided me in the writing process, i thought it was quite clear they already had some mind set as to where they were going to market me. and it seemed like them trying to convince me to write my resume in a way that suits their needs... hmmm. but what the heck right? the most important thing would be that i get a job in the end, and that the job fits in to the criteria i had communicated to them.
ok, so much for the resume. it is supposed to be one of the key outcome of the first stage (self-discovery and job search). thus far, i have been seeing them once a week. next week onwards, they have suggested the frequency to be increased to twice a week. this so that they can move the coaching to interviewing, negotiating salary, etc... and of course, to start marketing me. and needless to say - hopefully, i can get a job fast so that they can get their payment.
:-)
call from hsbc
i recieved a call from hsbc earlier. this was how it went.
hsbc: hello, good morning, mr sim, i am so and so from hsbc. i call you to introduce to you a.... may i ask if it is convenient to talk to you now?... (quite a long introduction if i may say. but in short, she was trying to introduce me to a hsbc credit card).
me: ok.
hsbc: may i ask if you are earning more than fifty thousand per annum?
me: i am unemployed.
hsbc:ohokbye!
the response once i said i am umemployed was so bloody curt and so bloody fast (quite difficult to express in writing that i had to omit all the spaces between the words)! haha! and for a good while, i really enjoyed being unemployed.
hahaha!
ps: i totally dislike such tele-sales attempts. find it such a breach of my own privacy!
hsbc: hello, good morning, mr sim, i am so and so from hsbc. i call you to introduce to you a.... may i ask if it is convenient to talk to you now?... (quite a long introduction if i may say. but in short, she was trying to introduce me to a hsbc credit card).
me: ok.
hsbc: may i ask if you are earning more than fifty thousand per annum?
me: i am unemployed.
hsbc:ohokbye!
the response once i said i am umemployed was so bloody curt and so bloody fast (quite difficult to express in writing that i had to omit all the spaces between the words)! haha! and for a good while, i really enjoyed being unemployed.
hahaha!
ps: i totally dislike such tele-sales attempts. find it such a breach of my own privacy!
Friday, 15 January 2010
mental models
♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀
what do you see?
♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀
what do you now see?
mental models
we interpret what we see based on our assumptions
assumptions shaped by past experiences
and we can be awfully wrong at times
the importance of suspending judgement
.
blindness
♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀
what do you see?
♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀♂♂♀♀
what do you now see?
......................................................................
and now?
are we really better off in a coloured world?
or perhaps we are better off in a totally colour blind world
what say you?
.
.
Thursday, 14 January 2010
man
♂
man
asexual, homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, whatever
let us not prejudge them based on their sexuality,
we are all equal in the eyes of the divine
we are all
man
- this post is inspired by an email i recieved today -
.
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
blessed am i
i feel very blessed.
i feel very blessed to have friends who time and again called up and asked me if i need their help to look for a job.
i feel very blessed to have friends who call me up and give me words of encouragements now that i am jobless.
i feel very blessed to have friends who call me up and remind me to put them as referees if i need one when i apply for jobs.
i feel very blessed to have friends who diplomatically suggest to me that if i do need their help anytime (even financially), i should not hesitate to call them.
i feel very blessed.
i feel very blessed to have friends who time and again called up and asked me if i need their help to look for a job.
i feel very blessed to have friends who call me up and give me words of encouragements now that i am jobless.
i feel very blessed to have friends who call me up and remind me to put them as referees if i need one when i apply for jobs.
i feel very blessed to have friends who diplomatically suggest to me that if i do need their help anytime (even financially), i should not hesitate to call them.
i feel very blessed.
educational research journal
recieved an email from my masters programme supervisor that the paper i wrote had been accepted for publication in an renowned international journal on education. so, this makes two for me - one paper after my honours year and one more after my masters degree.
so happy!
:-)
so happy!
:-)
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
cocked up doctor
my mum wanted to get some gel for the pain in her leg. the ones she had been given after her knee op had finished. and so it was decided that i would bring her to the polyclinic after her haircut. the plan for yesterday was to go for haircut, then to the polyclinic, lunch and visits to the 2 temples. mum was all excited about the programme and woke up very early. i picked her up as promised at 7.15am. but from then on, everything went wrong.
her appointment with the hairdresser at marine parade was at 8am. and we left her place at 7.15am. and that was went we met with our first cock up - traffic jams. it was a monday and there were jams after jams... and my car was literally crawling from cck to nus, from teck whye to upper bukit timah road to clementi! i managed to hold my cool and joked with mum along the whole journey. and when we got to marine parade, it was past 8.30am! nonetheless, mum got her haircut and she was rather happy about it.
we headed to the polyclinic to get mum's pain relief gel. and since we were there, we decided to get a cough mixture for mum as she's had some slight cough on and off over the past few days. that was where we met our second cock up. you see, at the polyclinic, due to the blasting aircon, mum's throat was dry and she kept coughing. and the doctor, upon hearing her coughs, got worried. using his stethoscope, he found her lungs to be filled with some fluids. and since she had recently been discharged from hospital due to chest infection, i suspected he panicked. he rushed her for an ecg. the ecg results came back ok, but being kiasu, he wrote a referral letter and asked that she be sent to sgh a&e immediately. i tried to explain that her cough was due to the air-con but he insisted that he cannot not sent her to the a&e cos he suspected she had a new infection just when she was discharged from the hospital... and he even went on to tell us that mum might get a heart attack if we don't. hmmm... in the end, not only did we ended up with no gel, we were asked to go to sgh a&e! what the... anyway...
at the sgh a&e, we met with the third cock-up. i alighted mum and the domestic help at the a&e to register and went to park my car. when i came to look for them, i couldn't find them. apparently, despite having no fever, mum was asked to go to the fever area as she coughed when she was registering. when i found them, the nurse told me she had to immediately put mum on oxygen and whisked to the critical care area where her ecg was taken. but when the doctor came, he found to be ok and that her oxygen level was actually very ok. and interestingly, mum was chatting and laughing as he was attending to her. so he took her off the oxygen mask. and he pondered why she was sent to sgh a&e in the first place. but since she's been referred, he had to make sure she's indeed ok. so he ordered a blood test and a chest x-ray. mum was subsequently sent to the observation ward. the x-ray results came back indicating that her lungs, despite having some fluids, had not deteriorated from the last time she was in hospital. in another words, mum was perfectly ok. but to be completely sure, we had to wait for the blood test results. halfway through, the doctor went off duty. but before leaving, he explained to us that he had handed over mum's case to his colleague and that his colleague would explain to us the blood test results once it's out. he shared that he felt mum should not have been referred to the hospital in the first place. nonetheless, he wished us well and went off duty.
and we met with the fourth cock up. we waited. and waited. and waited... and after close to 2 hours, the nurse came and tell us that the doctor had apparently not hand over our case and had been uncontactable. so they had no choice but to activate a consultant. thus, we had to wait further... sighs... the extended wait was really a good test for my tolerance and patience. i had to keep reminding myself that i should just be thankful that mum was ok. anyway, about half an hour later the consultant came. and according to her, the blood test showed that mum had actually recovered very well. in fact, her health was much better than compared to 2 weeks ago when she was discharged...
hmmm...
a happy day turned awfully bad... all becos of a young kancheong doctor. or should i say, becos of our desire to want to get cheap pain relief gel! heh heh... but well, the bright side of the whole screw up was that i had a very good time chatting with mum through the whole day. and we kept laughing about how she was sent to sgh a&e while all she wanted was some gel. and also, we now know that mum is healthy!
:-)
her appointment with the hairdresser at marine parade was at 8am. and we left her place at 7.15am. and that was went we met with our first cock up - traffic jams. it was a monday and there were jams after jams... and my car was literally crawling from cck to nus, from teck whye to upper bukit timah road to clementi! i managed to hold my cool and joked with mum along the whole journey. and when we got to marine parade, it was past 8.30am! nonetheless, mum got her haircut and she was rather happy about it.
we headed to the polyclinic to get mum's pain relief gel. and since we were there, we decided to get a cough mixture for mum as she's had some slight cough on and off over the past few days. that was where we met our second cock up. you see, at the polyclinic, due to the blasting aircon, mum's throat was dry and she kept coughing. and the doctor, upon hearing her coughs, got worried. using his stethoscope, he found her lungs to be filled with some fluids. and since she had recently been discharged from hospital due to chest infection, i suspected he panicked. he rushed her for an ecg. the ecg results came back ok, but being kiasu, he wrote a referral letter and asked that she be sent to sgh a&e immediately. i tried to explain that her cough was due to the air-con but he insisted that he cannot not sent her to the a&e cos he suspected she had a new infection just when she was discharged from the hospital... and he even went on to tell us that mum might get a heart attack if we don't. hmmm... in the end, not only did we ended up with no gel, we were asked to go to sgh a&e! what the... anyway...
at the sgh a&e, we met with the third cock-up. i alighted mum and the domestic help at the a&e to register and went to park my car. when i came to look for them, i couldn't find them. apparently, despite having no fever, mum was asked to go to the fever area as she coughed when she was registering. when i found them, the nurse told me she had to immediately put mum on oxygen and whisked to the critical care area where her ecg was taken. but when the doctor came, he found to be ok and that her oxygen level was actually very ok. and interestingly, mum was chatting and laughing as he was attending to her. so he took her off the oxygen mask. and he pondered why she was sent to sgh a&e in the first place. but since she's been referred, he had to make sure she's indeed ok. so he ordered a blood test and a chest x-ray. mum was subsequently sent to the observation ward. the x-ray results came back indicating that her lungs, despite having some fluids, had not deteriorated from the last time she was in hospital. in another words, mum was perfectly ok. but to be completely sure, we had to wait for the blood test results. halfway through, the doctor went off duty. but before leaving, he explained to us that he had handed over mum's case to his colleague and that his colleague would explain to us the blood test results once it's out. he shared that he felt mum should not have been referred to the hospital in the first place. nonetheless, he wished us well and went off duty.
and we met with the fourth cock up. we waited. and waited. and waited... and after close to 2 hours, the nurse came and tell us that the doctor had apparently not hand over our case and had been uncontactable. so they had no choice but to activate a consultant. thus, we had to wait further... sighs... the extended wait was really a good test for my tolerance and patience. i had to keep reminding myself that i should just be thankful that mum was ok. anyway, about half an hour later the consultant came. and according to her, the blood test showed that mum had actually recovered very well. in fact, her health was much better than compared to 2 weeks ago when she was discharged...
hmmm...
a happy day turned awfully bad... all becos of a young kancheong doctor. or should i say, becos of our desire to want to get cheap pain relief gel! heh heh... but well, the bright side of the whole screw up was that i had a very good time chatting with mum through the whole day. and we kept laughing about how she was sent to sgh a&e while all she wanted was some gel. and also, we now know that mum is healthy!
:-)
Sunday, 10 January 2010
death of a ceo
he was one of the instructor from the next platoon during my ocs days back in 1985/86. we had never spoken and i have never kept in contact with him after i graduated from ocs. i remembered him for having an interesting name, lanky and a little effeminate in his behaviour. fast forward to 31 dec 2009, some 23 plus years later. i was having dinner with some friends when i recieved an sms from an ex-ocs company mate telling me so and so had died suddenly. well, and for a short moment, i wondered who this name was. the name was not familiar. but his surname struck a bell. and after a short pause, i realize he was this ex-instructor. it was kinda surprising to get this sms i must say. nonetheless, i did not attend the wake. he was afterall someone that had crossed path with me years back.
over the past couple of days, i kept seeing news articles about him and how he died. apparently he had died after a liposuction treatment. and looking at the photo, he still looked somewhat similar to what i could recall of him. a lot more mature, a bit more padded all round. his face, his build and so on. i attribute these to nothing more than signs of aging. this was no different from myself or any of my contemporaries. reading the article, i felt a little sad for him. reading his credentials, it was clear that he had achieved much in his career. from his orbituary, it was clear that he had some problems with his marriage and that he was in the process of rebuilding his family. but for vanity reasons, he was robbed of his life.
sad wasn't it? but thinking of what myself and some of my friends spoke a lot about recently over the past couple of months/ years, it was clear that we all - middle aged men - had some point or other felt threatened by our degeneration as a result of middle age - increasing waistline, long sightedness, white hair, wrinkles etc. most of us accepted it and moved on. and most of us increased our resolve to want to live healthier. but one thing was clear, all of us wanted to slow down the aging process. all went for procedures and packages - facials, gym memberships, diets, and so on. for some who could afford it, more invasive corrective procedures were taken up - lasik, botox and so on. i guessed the thought staying `young' and beautiful, or at least, to slow down the aging process is a very very attractive idea. the quest for eternal youth. the quest for eternal beauty.
birth, aging, sickness and death are things that we cannot escape and that we must accept it. often, many of us keep forgetting about it and/ or refuse to accept it. accepting it will allow us to prepare for it when things happen. it also help remind us that beauty is only skin deep and that we should not be obsessed by it. we must also develop ourselves spiritually. we will only be able to age gracefully when we are able to do all these. anyway, this ex-instructor of mine had passed away. and judging by the press coverage and the on-going debate about aesthetics, liposuction and so on, i think his passing has not been in vain. it is a good wake up call for us.
may he rest in peace.
over the past couple of days, i kept seeing news articles about him and how he died. apparently he had died after a liposuction treatment. and looking at the photo, he still looked somewhat similar to what i could recall of him. a lot more mature, a bit more padded all round. his face, his build and so on. i attribute these to nothing more than signs of aging. this was no different from myself or any of my contemporaries. reading the article, i felt a little sad for him. reading his credentials, it was clear that he had achieved much in his career. from his orbituary, it was clear that he had some problems with his marriage and that he was in the process of rebuilding his family. but for vanity reasons, he was robbed of his life.
sad wasn't it? but thinking of what myself and some of my friends spoke a lot about recently over the past couple of months/ years, it was clear that we all - middle aged men - had some point or other felt threatened by our degeneration as a result of middle age - increasing waistline, long sightedness, white hair, wrinkles etc. most of us accepted it and moved on. and most of us increased our resolve to want to live healthier. but one thing was clear, all of us wanted to slow down the aging process. all went for procedures and packages - facials, gym memberships, diets, and so on. for some who could afford it, more invasive corrective procedures were taken up - lasik, botox and so on. i guessed the thought staying `young' and beautiful, or at least, to slow down the aging process is a very very attractive idea. the quest for eternal youth. the quest for eternal beauty.
birth, aging, sickness and death are things that we cannot escape and that we must accept it. often, many of us keep forgetting about it and/ or refuse to accept it. accepting it will allow us to prepare for it when things happen. it also help remind us that beauty is only skin deep and that we should not be obsessed by it. we must also develop ourselves spiritually. we will only be able to age gracefully when we are able to do all these. anyway, this ex-instructor of mine had passed away. and judging by the press coverage and the on-going debate about aesthetics, liposuction and so on, i think his passing has not been in vain. it is a good wake up call for us.
may he rest in peace.
smell of fear
bee has always been the one to scold and chide sapphie whenever she breaks any rules or behaves badly. and he would always say i had spoiled her for not being strict with her. until today.
you see, as a rule of thumb, i would forbid sapphie from stepping into the corridor of the house. and to be doubly sure that she does not do it, i'd place a metal grill (one side of her cage enclosure - something that she's afraid of) at the corridor entrance. and yesterday, as i opened my main door when we came home after dinner, i couldn't find sapphie anywhere in the living room. i suspected she'd committed something she shouldn't have and had gone hiding under the table. but i couldn't see her there. i looked into the corridor and true enough, she was standing there. ears dropped, tail wagging lowly. that's how she'd behave when she's feeling guilty. and this time round, i had caught her red-handed. for her to be there meant that she had jumped across the metal grill and was not able to leap back in time when i came back.
this time round, i needed to correct her. i made her go into the toilet located at the end of the corridor and made her sit down. and with my cane (which was also one of her most hated object) i commanded her to "die". that was the command i'd use to make her lie on her back - a dog's total submission pose. she was totally petrified with the sternness in my command. that was when she started peeing on the floor. also, that was when she started secreting this very distinctive dog smell. the smell that she emits when she's really scared. i called it the smell of fear. and that was also the first time bee understood what dog's fear smelled like. and interestingly enough, bee got soft hearted and asked me to cool down and not scold her further. heh heh... anyway, i was not angry per se. i was just being stern and doing what i needed to do to correct her behaviour.
:-)
dyed mum's hair
dyed my mum's hair today. and it's the first time after years of refusal. you see, many years ago, i used to do it for her. but one day, she learned from ah-soh network that dyeing (or is it spelt as dying... whatever) of one's hair will result in one getting cancer. and she stopped doing so suddenly. have time and again tried to convince her that she won't get cancer simply by doing it but she refused. until recently.
mum has always been very excited when it comes to going back to marine parade for haircut. so, i told her i would take her for her haircut tomorrow, her eyes brightened up! and i tried again to coax her to have her hair dyed. she agreed. so today, when i visited her, i bought the hair dye and finally did it for her. through the process, i could see she was rather excited. in fact, she behaved like a teenager. she was so chatty.
after shampooing and curling her hair, she stared at herself in the mirror and started admiring how black it was. and she went on and on about her hair, about her looks, how her skins had wrinkled, how her eye lids have started to droop and how old she looked. it was quite funny actually to see her behaving so.
i wanted to take a photo of her and she refused. she said her hair was too long and she'd look bad. and it was interesting to see how she used the mirror to cover her face in order to prevent me from snapping a photo of her. i guessed at this age (she's 77 turning 78 this year), she still cares a lot about her looks. really, vanity knows no age limits! heh heh...
:-)
mum has always been very excited when it comes to going back to marine parade for haircut. so, i told her i would take her for her haircut tomorrow, her eyes brightened up! and i tried again to coax her to have her hair dyed. she agreed. so today, when i visited her, i bought the hair dye and finally did it for her. through the process, i could see she was rather excited. in fact, she behaved like a teenager. she was so chatty.
after shampooing and curling her hair, she stared at herself in the mirror and started admiring how black it was. and she went on and on about her hair, about her looks, how her skins had wrinkled, how her eye lids have started to droop and how old she looked. it was quite funny actually to see her behaving so.
i wanted to take a photo of her and she refused. she said her hair was too long and she'd look bad. and it was interesting to see how she used the mirror to cover her face in order to prevent me from snapping a photo of her. i guessed at this age (she's 77 turning 78 this year), she still cares a lot about her looks. really, vanity knows no age limits! heh heh...
:-)
invictus
out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
i thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
in the fell clutch of circumstance
i have not winced nor cried aloud.
under the bludgeonings of fate
my head is bloody, but unbowed.
beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the Horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years finds
and shall find me unafraid.
it matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
i am the master of my fate:
i am the captain of my soul.
black as the pit from pole to pole,
i thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
in the fell clutch of circumstance
i have not winced nor cried aloud.
under the bludgeonings of fate
my head is bloody, but unbowed.
beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the Horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years finds
and shall find me unafraid.
it matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
i am the master of my fate:
i am the captain of my soul.
avatar the movie
over the past month or so, we watched avatar the movie twice.
the first time we watched was the 2d version. we were simply blown over by the animation and the storyline. shan't write too much about it nor attempt to review it. i think there are more than enough of it already in the web. but i did think it was very appropriate for it to be shown just about the same time as the copenhagen talks. it was very timely and an excellent reminder of our responsibilities towards our mother earth and that the future of our earth, and our children depends on how we protect it now.
anyway, we went to watch the 3d version again sometime later. booking the tickets itself was difficult as most cinema were fully booked. but we managed to get rather rear seats by luck... or so we thought. the 3d show didn't match up to our expectations, sadly. i guessed we were seated too far back. or perhaps, we had too expectated too much from our own earlier experiences. nonetheless, seeing the show again allowed us to appreciate it better cos the first time round, we were not able to catch some little details.
:-)
the first time we watched was the 2d version. we were simply blown over by the animation and the storyline. shan't write too much about it nor attempt to review it. i think there are more than enough of it already in the web. but i did think it was very appropriate for it to be shown just about the same time as the copenhagen talks. it was very timely and an excellent reminder of our responsibilities towards our mother earth and that the future of our earth, and our children depends on how we protect it now.
anyway, we went to watch the 3d version again sometime later. booking the tickets itself was difficult as most cinema were fully booked. but we managed to get rather rear seats by luck... or so we thought. the 3d show didn't match up to our expectations, sadly. i guessed we were seated too far back. or perhaps, we had too expectated too much from our own earlier experiences. nonetheless, seeing the show again allowed us to appreciate it better cos the first time round, we were not able to catch some little details.
:-)
Friday, 8 January 2010
car park lot
sometime back, there was a newspaper report of someone in laguna park who vandalized other residents' cars by glueing the car locks, scratching the car and so on. and the one who did it was eventually caught and hauled to court. according to the reports, the guy did it becos he felt that that particular lot belonged to him as he had parked his car there for the past many years. when i read that report, my personal thoughts was that this guy was a little crazy. until something similar happened to me. well, ok... not exactly.
you see, i have been using this particular car park lot in my estate for the past 5-6 years. the lot is a single sheltered lot on the ground floor and i started using it after noticing that somehow, nobody wanted to park their car there. i believed it was due to the fact that it has 2 motorbike lots beside it and the motorbikes that were parked there used to be rather old looking. so over the last 5-6 years, this lot had become almost my exclusive lot as the frequency of people parking their car there was actually very low. over the last year, some new residents moved into my block. increasingly, these new residents would park their cars in this particular lot. i initially did not pay much attention to it until the recent school holidays where i started to note this particular jaguar parked there almost daily. well, nothing special rite? i thought so too initially. until...
one evening in dec 09, i wanted to head out to buy dinner and had gone down to my car. i had parked my car in this particular lot. when i reached my car, the jaguar driver had just returned from outside with his family. he had parked his car opposite mine and had in fact locked up and started walking towards the lift. however, upon seeing me making my way towards my car, he asked his family to head up first and he hung around the lift landing. he kept looking at my direction. from the corner of my eyes, i could see him taking out his key as he kept pacing up and down the lift landing area. i suspected he was waiting for me to drive off so that he could move his car into this lot. so, i waited too. i wanted to see his response. interestingly, he also waited. so, i decided to do the ultimate, i left my car there and walked out of my estate instead. seeing me not drive off, he went up. later that evening, i drove my car off. and when i came home not too long after, i noted that the jaguar had been moved into the lot!
quite ultimate rite!?! and since then, it had happened again and again. i would see this jaguar parked in this lot when i return. my only conclusion is that the jaguar driver really loves this lot, or more appropriately, he is actually quite obsessed with it! ha ha... i must say i was initially quite amused by his obsession. well, on my part, i must admit that i was initially quite unhappy that i now have someone trying to compete with me for the lot. but i do also recognise that this is a public space and that whoever comes first have the right to use it. but frankly, i have also started to want to see how often i can deny him this lot and i actually take pleasure out of doing it! heh heh...
:-)
you see, i have been using this particular car park lot in my estate for the past 5-6 years. the lot is a single sheltered lot on the ground floor and i started using it after noticing that somehow, nobody wanted to park their car there. i believed it was due to the fact that it has 2 motorbike lots beside it and the motorbikes that were parked there used to be rather old looking. so over the last 5-6 years, this lot had become almost my exclusive lot as the frequency of people parking their car there was actually very low. over the last year, some new residents moved into my block. increasingly, these new residents would park their cars in this particular lot. i initially did not pay much attention to it until the recent school holidays where i started to note this particular jaguar parked there almost daily. well, nothing special rite? i thought so too initially. until...
one evening in dec 09, i wanted to head out to buy dinner and had gone down to my car. i had parked my car in this particular lot. when i reached my car, the jaguar driver had just returned from outside with his family. he had parked his car opposite mine and had in fact locked up and started walking towards the lift. however, upon seeing me making my way towards my car, he asked his family to head up first and he hung around the lift landing. he kept looking at my direction. from the corner of my eyes, i could see him taking out his key as he kept pacing up and down the lift landing area. i suspected he was waiting for me to drive off so that he could move his car into this lot. so, i waited too. i wanted to see his response. interestingly, he also waited. so, i decided to do the ultimate, i left my car there and walked out of my estate instead. seeing me not drive off, he went up. later that evening, i drove my car off. and when i came home not too long after, i noted that the jaguar had been moved into the lot!
quite ultimate rite!?! and since then, it had happened again and again. i would see this jaguar parked in this lot when i return. my only conclusion is that the jaguar driver really loves this lot, or more appropriately, he is actually quite obsessed with it! ha ha... i must say i was initially quite amused by his obsession. well, on my part, i must admit that i was initially quite unhappy that i now have someone trying to compete with me for the lot. but i do also recognise that this is a public space and that whoever comes first have the right to use it. but frankly, i have also started to want to see how often i can deny him this lot and i actually take pleasure out of doing it! heh heh...
:-)
mum can walk!
i am very happy to see the progress my mum has achieved over her knees over the last couple of months. as of today, she can take small steps on her own. for that matter, the domestic helper told me that at times, mum was able to walk without the use of walking aid. these are very good news indeed.
i guessed she was able to progressed so fast becos she had pushed herself to go through the daily stretching regime suggested by the hospital physiotherapist. frankly, it was not easy to convince her. it took me a lot of patience and a lot of time. but i was glad i managed to coax her do it. as of now, i also managed to convince her to start exercising her leg and back muscles apart from simply stretching her knees. managed to explain to her that her pain is also due to her weak back muscles as a result of prolonged inactivity and bad posture.
:-)
i guessed she was able to progressed so fast becos she had pushed herself to go through the daily stretching regime suggested by the hospital physiotherapist. frankly, it was not easy to convince her. it took me a lot of patience and a lot of time. but i was glad i managed to coax her do it. as of now, i also managed to convince her to start exercising her leg and back muscles apart from simply stretching her knees. managed to explain to her that her pain is also due to her weak back muscles as a result of prolonged inactivity and bad posture.
:-)
physiotherapist
usually i'd feel relieved and happy when i get discharged from any treatment at the hospital. but yesterday, when my physiotherapist told me he would be discharging me after my next appointment in 2 weeks' time, i felt disappointed and sad. while he said that he thought i should be able to manage my own recovery henceforth given that i have shown significant improvement, i thought the real reason was that he would be leaving for hong kong, his home city for good, very soon.
this news took me by surprise as i had previously thought he would be here for at least half a year more. sighs... anyway, he explained that he had to return becos of his girlfriend and his family. i didn't asked further. i was sure there were valid reasons. nonetheless, i cannot help but feel a little sad to see him go. after having been treated by him over a period of 3-4 months, i guessed i have come to see him as a friend.
when i went to pay for the treatment, the cashier lamented to me that apart from my physiotherapist, the center would also be losing 3 more in the coming weeks. she added that they all felt very sad as all 4 of them (she added - especially my physiotherapist) were very good and friendly and had also recieved very good feedback from their patients. sighs... cannot agree more with her! i wish him well... think i'll go shop for him a little memento to remember singapore by.
:-)
this news took me by surprise as i had previously thought he would be here for at least half a year more. sighs... anyway, he explained that he had to return becos of his girlfriend and his family. i didn't asked further. i was sure there were valid reasons. nonetheless, i cannot help but feel a little sad to see him go. after having been treated by him over a period of 3-4 months, i guessed i have come to see him as a friend.
when i went to pay for the treatment, the cashier lamented to me that apart from my physiotherapist, the center would also be losing 3 more in the coming weeks. she added that they all felt very sad as all 4 of them (she added - especially my physiotherapist) were very good and friendly and had also recieved very good feedback from their patients. sighs... cannot agree more with her! i wish him well... think i'll go shop for him a little memento to remember singapore by.
:-)
tight pecs
i have time and again gone back to changi general hospital for physiotherapy to treat my tennis elbow over the last 3-4 months. i was pretty happy that it had improved a lot and that the pain had reduced significantly. but i noticed over the past couple of weeks that somehow, the recovery had kinda stagnated and that a slight pain and ache continued to linger. yesterday, when i went for my treatment again, my physiotherapist explained that mine was a chronic case and that it would take a considerably longer time for it to fully recover. to make it worst, the pain i experienced at my elbow is also aggravated by my very tight pectorials. so, apart from the regular set of exercises and stretches that i have to do, i now have to also do stretchin exercises for my chest muscles.
hoprefully, these exercises and stretches clears the pain eventually.
:-)
hoprefully, these exercises and stretches clears the pain eventually.
:-)
printer problems
i was rather happy to have my windows os upgraded to win 7 2 days ago.
and last night when i wanted to print stuff for my meeting today, i started to face problem. i kept issuing print commands but nothing moved. and i did a google on it and found out that my hp laserjet p1005 printer cannot work in the win 7 environment. hmmm.... so, i went to search for drivers in hp's site and to my horrors, the site stated that they do not have any drivers for it. in a way, it is telling us to go suck thumb. not very nice of them. such a large company somemore!
not wanting to be defeated by them, i googled for the driver. managed to find a few. donwloaded one of them. took a bloody long time. and then to find it doesn't work. sighs. i guess i will have to look for it again. don't wanna replace my recently bought printer just like that. and neither do i want to go through the process of uninstalling win 7 and reinstall my win vista.
such hassles.
sighs!
and last night when i wanted to print stuff for my meeting today, i started to face problem. i kept issuing print commands but nothing moved. and i did a google on it and found out that my hp laserjet p1005 printer cannot work in the win 7 environment. hmmm.... so, i went to search for drivers in hp's site and to my horrors, the site stated that they do not have any drivers for it. in a way, it is telling us to go suck thumb. not very nice of them. such a large company somemore!
not wanting to be defeated by them, i googled for the driver. managed to find a few. donwloaded one of them. took a bloody long time. and then to find it doesn't work. sighs. i guess i will have to look for it again. don't wanna replace my recently bought printer just like that. and neither do i want to go through the process of uninstalling win 7 and reinstall my win vista.
such hassles.
sighs!
Thursday, 7 January 2010
win 7
finally got the win 7 package 2 days back and have installed it in my system! and i must say it is working very much faster! hurray!
:-)
:-)
Monday, 4 January 2010
happy new workyear!
slept relatively early last nite and woke up earlier this morning when the sky was about to open up. it was cloudy and the light breeze that blew into the room was cold. i wondered if i should take a walk with the dog, or go for a run, or... on the other hand, i thought it would not be a good idea to go out. today is the first work day of the decade. there would be people rushing to work, people who got up late and rushing to catch their buses, mothers sending their kids to school, mothers anxious to get their children on time to their school buses, the roads would be crowded, la la la... it's the angel versus the devil kinda conversation that went through my head.
so, i decided i should take things easy till at least the hoohah of break of 4 jan passed by. i read the papers, i caught up with the current affairs in the internet, i cleared up the mess in the house, i took the dog for a walk, and i sat down to watch tv... hmmm, yup, sounds routine alright... but to me, it's refreshing to wake up earlier and smell the fresh air. and for that, it is a good enough start for me. jan 2010. the month where i had previously set as a target for me to intensify my job search efforts. and that is what i am gonna do. and to all of my friends and people out there, happy start to a new calender work/ school year!
:-)
so, i decided i should take things easy till at least the hoohah of break of 4 jan passed by. i read the papers, i caught up with the current affairs in the internet, i cleared up the mess in the house, i took the dog for a walk, and i sat down to watch tv... hmmm, yup, sounds routine alright... but to me, it's refreshing to wake up earlier and smell the fresh air. and for that, it is a good enough start for me. jan 2010. the month where i had previously set as a target for me to intensify my job search efforts. and that is what i am gonna do. and to all of my friends and people out there, happy start to a new calender work/ school year!
:-)
Sunday, 3 January 2010
bubbles-ed
after playing the bubble shooter game for the last week or so, bee and i have reached a point where we were able to cross the 100,000 mark. as for me, i managed 112,190 points. today, bee finally managed to complete the game totally. something that i did not know can be done.:-)
presbyopia lenses
yesterday, i finally bought my presbyopic lenses. or put simply - old age glasses!
:-)
:-)
of graciousness & mrt seats
was just thinking at random and one of the things that crossed my mind was about being gracious. and i thought about how people often do not give up their seats in mrts to the needy, how some people often fall asleep very fast what then sit in priority seats (seats specially marked as priority seats). and then this thought cross my mind - why do we need priority seats in the first place? doesn't everyone in the train who's sitting have similar social responsibilities to give up his or her seat to a person in need? having priority seat in this case would encourage the thinking amongst everyone sitting in normal seats to think that it is ok not to be gracious and that they then have the right to stare at the person occupy such seat and continue to remain sitting. no?
:-)
ok, my mind at an overdrive again on a sunday morning. time to go wash up and eat breakfast...
:-)
ok, my mind at an overdrive again on a sunday morning. time to go wash up and eat breakfast...
Friday, 1 January 2010
wat a start!
so far in the first couple of hours of this new year, some pretty significant events took place... for a start, mum's discharged from hospital today. got a call from my brother telling me that she's been certified fit for discharge once i woke up and hurriedly went to the hospital to do the necessary arrangements... then recieved news of bees' friends' passing. the one who had epilepsy during christmas. and at the hospital, met steven who had apparently gone there to pass his last respect to this friend... and while on way to my brothers' place, steven messaged to tell us that his grandma had also passed away. must have been quite a shock to him. hope he is ok... and yes, may they rest in peace.
hmmm... wat a way to start the new year...
Thursday, 31 December 2009
2009 - year of beginnings
i have decided to christen 2009 as the year where things begin. i had previously toyed with the idea of using terms such as "transition", or "endings" but decided otherwise. i think the term "beginning" has a more positive slant to it. then again, the term is neutral. it can also be used to depict the starts of things negative. whatever it is, i think the descriptor "beginnings" is an appropriate one. this was exactly 2009 had been - the beginning of many things, both good and bad. before i go on, it would also be appropriate to mention here that one big theme for this year was my departure from service. this itself was a defining moment of my life. since leaving service, i have been giving myself a lot of self down-time before i look for my next job. thus, many of the events that happened or that i have committed my resources to (such as time and effort) was due to the fact that i had a lot more time to myself. ok, let me now start my reflections on 2009 - 'the year of beginnings'.
family
compared to 2008, 2009 was relatively smooth. however, i can't say it was uneventful. it had it's fair share of ups and downs, many of which took us (or me at least) by surprise.
firstly, 2009 marked the beginning of a downward process where my mum's well-being is concerned. she was diagnosed with dementia in sep this year. while we were told it was only mild, we were given a taste of how bad things could be when she suddenly just went blank for a couple of days. given the fact that i had just left service, i told myself i need to commit myself to look after her as much as i could. i would visit her almost every other day. i believe this would slow down her dementia process and hopefully, allow her to have a smooth start in the long journey into her twilight years. so far, things have improved. in addition to this big news, the year also saw her health deteriorated further. she went through at least 2 near-death incidents that required her to be hospitalised for at least a week each. also, to relieve her excruciating pain in her knees, she went through another round of total knee replacement in aug for her left knee. it had been more than 4 months and she still feels pain. frankly, i am not optimistic about her getting a full recovery from this operation. we mark the end of the year with mum still being hospitalised for a lung infection. going forward, i think 2010 will continue to see more challenges with my mum's health. i will make sure she age as comfortably as she possibly could.
as for my siblings, our relations have remained somewhat unchanged. my eldest sis continued her silent war against me. i guessed she has not got over my refusal to let her convert my dad before he passed away last year. i stand by my belief that it is totally unethical to force a person to convert at the moments before he dies. what more when my dad has reiterated many a times that he didn't want to convert. as for my second sis, we continued to be on very warm terms. our interactions increased this year and in a way, i have become some sort of a listening ear to her when she had any problems. as for my brother, my relations with him remained somewhat cold and hot. it's very inconsistent and many a times, it seemed like i am at the mercy of his anger. but after having gone through the last 2 years, i think i am beginning to see a pattern. i believe that underneath all the angst, he is a good person at heart. i think he has his issues with mental models and stuff that shaped his high defenses and character, but if we were to see beyond these, he has his positive points. in oct this year, he pulled a big surprise on all of us - he got married. one moment i was visiting my mum and next moment he appeared from the room and introduce his then to-be-registered wife to me. i was also taken aback when he introduced me as his `good elder brother' to her. well, that occasion was a happy moment for all of us i must say, especially for my mum. anyway, i have decided that i should just maintain a cordial relationship with him. and to get things going smoothly, it would be easier to agree where there are convergence in thoughts, and keep quiet when there are disagreements.
relatives
there were 3 key events this year of which the highlight must go to the exhumation of my paternal grandparents. they were the common link that binds all my paternal side relatives together. apart from the interesting process that we went through, the very exhumation itself made me reflect through the whole notion of what it meant to be part of this extended family. it was very heartwarming to remember my relatives and the blood ties that binds us altogether. as for my grandparents, for after close to 40 years of physical separation in different graves, they now rest side-by-side in a common niche near to that of my dads'. while i felt a little sentimental about losing their graves, it certainly felt good to be able to see their photos being placed together on the niche.
the other 2 key events for the year was the passing of my eldest cousin (mum's side) and my uncle (my ah kor's husband). in a way, my cousin's departure was not unexpected since she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer in dec 08. attending her wake and funeral allowed me to reconnect with my maternal side relatives all over again. this was something i did not get to do when my dad passed away last year (as my brother did not want to inform them of his demise). as for my uncles' demise, it came as a surprise. despite his old age, he has been relatively healthy and well. i guessed his time was up and if i may call it a consolation, he left us without much suffering. nontheless, his passing allowed another opportunity for us to congregate and to renew old ties.
friends
interestingly, my brother had time and again cautioned me against the whole idea of `friends'. his constant words were - friends are here only for your money, don't buy them dinners, don't spent money on them, don't... while i thank him for the words, i reckoned i have to interpret them in context - and to understand why he said all those words. for him, perhaps, i would go as far as to think that his suspicions of friends was becos of his many disappointments with people around him. and that, if i may add, could be an effect of his own very suspicious attitude towards them. but for me, friends will continue to be a layer of support for me. this had been the case for previous years. and this was the same in 2009. as usual, some new ones came into my life, while some faded away. those that stayed had more or less remained constant. and this year, their support and encouragement, especially during my past few months of unemployment, have been most appreciated. to these friends, i give my thanks.
health
i have long understood that when a person enters his 40s, his body will incrementally show signs of wear and tear. as such, i have made a deliberate decision to commit some resources to my health after i left service.
one key area that i had focused on was my spine. after a decade of cervical spondylosis and all the spine-related problems, i decided that it was time i pay some serious holistic attention to it. after reflecting through all the problems i had faced - ankles, knees, lower back, back, neck, arms, tennis elbow... - i concluded that they all stemmed from one common problem, and that is - my spine. apart from signing up for a chiropractic treatment package, i have also replaced my years-old mattress and pillow with something that could better support my back and my neck. i also had my sole pronation reviewed by the podiatrist, my orthotics replaced and undergone physiotherapy to rectify my tennis elbow. so far, things seemed to have improved.
but i must say that this year was not without any scares. for a start, when i left service, suddenly i was faced with issues such as blood in urine. as a result, i was referred to the urologist where i went through several tests. it was certainly a rude shock. luckily, the findings suggest that it was only a one off thing. and i half suspect that i had blood in the urine becos i took cranberry supplement together with vitamin c. this led to an overdose of salts in my system leading to bleeding in the kidney. the second scare i had was hypertension. during one of my regular checks, i was found to have a slightly higher than normal blood pressure. i was subsequently made to monitor my blood pressure for a period of 6 weeks. it turned out a false alarm and that my higher than normal blood pressure was due to the nsaids i had been taking for my tennis elbow. the blood pressure went back to normal after i stopped the nsaids.
so there. all in all, i think 2009 had given me my fair share of health scares. i will need to be more conscious of my health as i move into 2010 when i can be considered to be in my mid-40s - the period when things are known to fall apart.
work
work is one of the main highlight of this year as the year saw me end my 20-over years of service in the uniformed organisation. despite this, my last few months in the service was not without my fair share of hard work. in fact, with my past 4 years of experience in the college, i was tasked to write the training management plan of one the courses that the college conducts. in addition, i was also tasked redesign a military operations package, review a key module, undertake the role of an assessor for the leadership module as well as to write and formalize the internal validation for the college. in additional, i was also tasked to oversee all arrangements for the brief to chief in may. after spending many additional evening hours working on the tasks, i managed to complete all in good time. and i achieved them while concurrently undertaking the role of a syndicate administrator. my efforts in the college was given its due recognition when the college was awarded an excellence award for our efforts in national education - something that i had strategized and framed and painstakingly implemented over the last 2 years.
in a way, my departure in aug this year was a bitter sweet process for me. as i packed my stuffs, i was acutely aware that i would be leaving an organisation that i had given my life to. yet, on the other hand, i was bitter for the way it had mistreated, discriminated against and suppressed me becos of my sexuality over the past 4 years. frankly, i had very much wanted to print out all those correspondences i had with my security department since 2005 and to make them public to expose all the ugly stuff they did. but in the end, i decided to delete them all. i decided that i would be holding myself hostage for holding on to these memories and that it would be in my own best interest to just throw everything away and start life afresh. to hell with this homophobic organisation. i eventually left the organisation on 1 aug 09.
i was given my pension and my medical benefits, and for that, i should be thankful. i am now undergoing a sponsored career transitioning programme. come 2010, i will be starting my life working afresh. this time, i told myself, i will never join another uniformed organisation or any organisation that has links to mindef.
i look forward to this new phase of my life.
personal life
on the personal front, the key highlight this year was my taking of the refuge in buddhism. it was my first (ha ha... actually wanted to write 'my final step') and surest step towards my commitment to the teaching. actually, it had been more than a decade (or perhaps more) since i first thought of taking refuge. but my mum had time and again asked me to think about it deeply and to do so only when i am sure i want to do it. and this year, i finally did it. and i felt very happy to do it. somehow, after doing it, the sense of awareness and desire to want to be a good buddhist deepened. added to this, i also completed a beginners course on meditation. these were the more significant steps i undertook this year towards my spiritual well-being.
relationship-wise, bee and i completed our 4th year on stable grounds. we made our annual overseas trip in jun. we revisited western australia and it was one of the most relaxing holiday we've had for a long time. we are moving into our 5th year rather well. often, when i think about it, i can't help but reflect how stable things have been between us as compared to when i was with james. well, i shan't dwell too much on that... it's the past. and i think we do learn from our past...
finance-wise, things were a lot more easier compared to last year. in part, this was due to the retirement funds i obtained after i left service. the change in employment status and the anticipation that i will not likely enjoy the kind of pay i had previously made me relook at my financial commitments and review my financial planning for my future. i hope my decision to commitment parts of my funds into investments will reap me good returns especially when there are now so much uncertainties about the market.
conclusion
my past 4 plus months of unemployment allowed me to spent lots of time doing things i have never done before. these include reflecting on how i can move forward, spending good time with my mum, spending time with sapphie my dog, catching up with friends, sell mooncakes, and well, simply pamper myself. on the whole, i must say 2009 had been relatively good to me. fengshui books foretell that i should be seeing a better year ahead. let's hope it is... ok, that sounded a little passive. i think it would sound better if i say - let's make 2010 a better one!
:-)
adios 2009! bring it on 2010!
family
compared to 2008, 2009 was relatively smooth. however, i can't say it was uneventful. it had it's fair share of ups and downs, many of which took us (or me at least) by surprise.
firstly, 2009 marked the beginning of a downward process where my mum's well-being is concerned. she was diagnosed with dementia in sep this year. while we were told it was only mild, we were given a taste of how bad things could be when she suddenly just went blank for a couple of days. given the fact that i had just left service, i told myself i need to commit myself to look after her as much as i could. i would visit her almost every other day. i believe this would slow down her dementia process and hopefully, allow her to have a smooth start in the long journey into her twilight years. so far, things have improved. in addition to this big news, the year also saw her health deteriorated further. she went through at least 2 near-death incidents that required her to be hospitalised for at least a week each. also, to relieve her excruciating pain in her knees, she went through another round of total knee replacement in aug for her left knee. it had been more than 4 months and she still feels pain. frankly, i am not optimistic about her getting a full recovery from this operation. we mark the end of the year with mum still being hospitalised for a lung infection. going forward, i think 2010 will continue to see more challenges with my mum's health. i will make sure she age as comfortably as she possibly could.
as for my siblings, our relations have remained somewhat unchanged. my eldest sis continued her silent war against me. i guessed she has not got over my refusal to let her convert my dad before he passed away last year. i stand by my belief that it is totally unethical to force a person to convert at the moments before he dies. what more when my dad has reiterated many a times that he didn't want to convert. as for my second sis, we continued to be on very warm terms. our interactions increased this year and in a way, i have become some sort of a listening ear to her when she had any problems. as for my brother, my relations with him remained somewhat cold and hot. it's very inconsistent and many a times, it seemed like i am at the mercy of his anger. but after having gone through the last 2 years, i think i am beginning to see a pattern. i believe that underneath all the angst, he is a good person at heart. i think he has his issues with mental models and stuff that shaped his high defenses and character, but if we were to see beyond these, he has his positive points. in oct this year, he pulled a big surprise on all of us - he got married. one moment i was visiting my mum and next moment he appeared from the room and introduce his then to-be-registered wife to me. i was also taken aback when he introduced me as his `good elder brother' to her. well, that occasion was a happy moment for all of us i must say, especially for my mum. anyway, i have decided that i should just maintain a cordial relationship with him. and to get things going smoothly, it would be easier to agree where there are convergence in thoughts, and keep quiet when there are disagreements.
relatives
there were 3 key events this year of which the highlight must go to the exhumation of my paternal grandparents. they were the common link that binds all my paternal side relatives together. apart from the interesting process that we went through, the very exhumation itself made me reflect through the whole notion of what it meant to be part of this extended family. it was very heartwarming to remember my relatives and the blood ties that binds us altogether. as for my grandparents, for after close to 40 years of physical separation in different graves, they now rest side-by-side in a common niche near to that of my dads'. while i felt a little sentimental about losing their graves, it certainly felt good to be able to see their photos being placed together on the niche.
the other 2 key events for the year was the passing of my eldest cousin (mum's side) and my uncle (my ah kor's husband). in a way, my cousin's departure was not unexpected since she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer in dec 08. attending her wake and funeral allowed me to reconnect with my maternal side relatives all over again. this was something i did not get to do when my dad passed away last year (as my brother did not want to inform them of his demise). as for my uncles' demise, it came as a surprise. despite his old age, he has been relatively healthy and well. i guessed his time was up and if i may call it a consolation, he left us without much suffering. nontheless, his passing allowed another opportunity for us to congregate and to renew old ties.
friends
interestingly, my brother had time and again cautioned me against the whole idea of `friends'. his constant words were - friends are here only for your money, don't buy them dinners, don't spent money on them, don't... while i thank him for the words, i reckoned i have to interpret them in context - and to understand why he said all those words. for him, perhaps, i would go as far as to think that his suspicions of friends was becos of his many disappointments with people around him. and that, if i may add, could be an effect of his own very suspicious attitude towards them. but for me, friends will continue to be a layer of support for me. this had been the case for previous years. and this was the same in 2009. as usual, some new ones came into my life, while some faded away. those that stayed had more or less remained constant. and this year, their support and encouragement, especially during my past few months of unemployment, have been most appreciated. to these friends, i give my thanks.
health
i have long understood that when a person enters his 40s, his body will incrementally show signs of wear and tear. as such, i have made a deliberate decision to commit some resources to my health after i left service.
one key area that i had focused on was my spine. after a decade of cervical spondylosis and all the spine-related problems, i decided that it was time i pay some serious holistic attention to it. after reflecting through all the problems i had faced - ankles, knees, lower back, back, neck, arms, tennis elbow... - i concluded that they all stemmed from one common problem, and that is - my spine. apart from signing up for a chiropractic treatment package, i have also replaced my years-old mattress and pillow with something that could better support my back and my neck. i also had my sole pronation reviewed by the podiatrist, my orthotics replaced and undergone physiotherapy to rectify my tennis elbow. so far, things seemed to have improved.
but i must say that this year was not without any scares. for a start, when i left service, suddenly i was faced with issues such as blood in urine. as a result, i was referred to the urologist where i went through several tests. it was certainly a rude shock. luckily, the findings suggest that it was only a one off thing. and i half suspect that i had blood in the urine becos i took cranberry supplement together with vitamin c. this led to an overdose of salts in my system leading to bleeding in the kidney. the second scare i had was hypertension. during one of my regular checks, i was found to have a slightly higher than normal blood pressure. i was subsequently made to monitor my blood pressure for a period of 6 weeks. it turned out a false alarm and that my higher than normal blood pressure was due to the nsaids i had been taking for my tennis elbow. the blood pressure went back to normal after i stopped the nsaids.
so there. all in all, i think 2009 had given me my fair share of health scares. i will need to be more conscious of my health as i move into 2010 when i can be considered to be in my mid-40s - the period when things are known to fall apart.
work
work is one of the main highlight of this year as the year saw me end my 20-over years of service in the uniformed organisation. despite this, my last few months in the service was not without my fair share of hard work. in fact, with my past 4 years of experience in the college, i was tasked to write the training management plan of one the courses that the college conducts. in addition, i was also tasked redesign a military operations package, review a key module, undertake the role of an assessor for the leadership module as well as to write and formalize the internal validation for the college. in additional, i was also tasked to oversee all arrangements for the brief to chief in may. after spending many additional evening hours working on the tasks, i managed to complete all in good time. and i achieved them while concurrently undertaking the role of a syndicate administrator. my efforts in the college was given its due recognition when the college was awarded an excellence award for our efforts in national education - something that i had strategized and framed and painstakingly implemented over the last 2 years.
in a way, my departure in aug this year was a bitter sweet process for me. as i packed my stuffs, i was acutely aware that i would be leaving an organisation that i had given my life to. yet, on the other hand, i was bitter for the way it had mistreated, discriminated against and suppressed me becos of my sexuality over the past 4 years. frankly, i had very much wanted to print out all those correspondences i had with my security department since 2005 and to make them public to expose all the ugly stuff they did. but in the end, i decided to delete them all. i decided that i would be holding myself hostage for holding on to these memories and that it would be in my own best interest to just throw everything away and start life afresh. to hell with this homophobic organisation. i eventually left the organisation on 1 aug 09.
i was given my pension and my medical benefits, and for that, i should be thankful. i am now undergoing a sponsored career transitioning programme. come 2010, i will be starting my life working afresh. this time, i told myself, i will never join another uniformed organisation or any organisation that has links to mindef.
i look forward to this new phase of my life.
personal life
on the personal front, the key highlight this year was my taking of the refuge in buddhism. it was my first (ha ha... actually wanted to write 'my final step') and surest step towards my commitment to the teaching. actually, it had been more than a decade (or perhaps more) since i first thought of taking refuge. but my mum had time and again asked me to think about it deeply and to do so only when i am sure i want to do it. and this year, i finally did it. and i felt very happy to do it. somehow, after doing it, the sense of awareness and desire to want to be a good buddhist deepened. added to this, i also completed a beginners course on meditation. these were the more significant steps i undertook this year towards my spiritual well-being.
relationship-wise, bee and i completed our 4th year on stable grounds. we made our annual overseas trip in jun. we revisited western australia and it was one of the most relaxing holiday we've had for a long time. we are moving into our 5th year rather well. often, when i think about it, i can't help but reflect how stable things have been between us as compared to when i was with james. well, i shan't dwell too much on that... it's the past. and i think we do learn from our past...
finance-wise, things were a lot more easier compared to last year. in part, this was due to the retirement funds i obtained after i left service. the change in employment status and the anticipation that i will not likely enjoy the kind of pay i had previously made me relook at my financial commitments and review my financial planning for my future. i hope my decision to commitment parts of my funds into investments will reap me good returns especially when there are now so much uncertainties about the market.
conclusion
my past 4 plus months of unemployment allowed me to spent lots of time doing things i have never done before. these include reflecting on how i can move forward, spending good time with my mum, spending time with sapphie my dog, catching up with friends, sell mooncakes, and well, simply pamper myself. on the whole, i must say 2009 had been relatively good to me. fengshui books foretell that i should be seeing a better year ahead. let's hope it is... ok, that sounded a little passive. i think it would sound better if i say - let's make 2010 a better one!
:-)
adios 2009! bring it on 2010!
kani nabe
had lunch with damien at ion orchard. and we ordered a very interesting dish called 'kani nabe'. well, i guess it has it's appropriate meanings in japanese. but in hokkien, it means `f*** your mother'lol!
drag queen mannequin
had lunch with damien last afternoon and on the way there, i saw this very interesting manly looking mannequin. in fact, it looked so man yet dressed in cheap feamle garbs, it looked like a drag queen! added to it's manly face, it had superbly broad shoulders, fakishly fake breasts (ya, it's a word i invented given that mannequins are fake in the first place!), the most humongous muscular thighs, and the way it stood, it seemed to be challenging you to a fight!:-)
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
bumper public hols!
found this from the ministry of manpower website. and i was shocked for a moment. it was unprecendented as far as i can recall to have almost all the public holidays fall on either a fri, sat or sun. it seemed like 2010 is gonna be a great bumper year for people to take super super long weekends by combining public holiday weekends and annual leaves either immediately before or after these public holidays!:-)
impending death of a friend
over christmas, i read in the papers about a 32 year old guy who had epilepsy while swimming at sentosa. he did not surface and was subsequently found unconscious by his friends. he had been in the intensive care unit since then. this guy was the only child and has had a history of epilepsy. looking at the name, i thought it sounded very nice and sunshiny. nonetheless, it did not ring a bell. my first thought after reading the article was that it was kinda sad for such a thing to happen to someone so young. i left it at that.
yesterday, bee received a surprise call from the father of one of his good friend. apparently, bee had sent a christmas greeting to this friend but he did not respond. his father had called to tell him that his son has been in icu following a drowning incident and could not reply. joining the dots, we realized that the one reported in the papers was bee's friend. and it also struck me that i had actually met this guy a couple of times before. bee was a little affected by the news. i guessed anyone would be. and checking further, i learned that quite a few of my friends also know this guy and they have all been taking turns to visit him at the icu. from updates, i understood that he has not regained consciousness since and has been kept on life support machine. in addition, bee also told me his organs have mostly failed and that doctors have asked the family to consider taking him off the life support machine.
it is a sad thing to hear. i am sure any objective person would agree with the doctors and say that it is the most appropriate thing to do. but i also can understand how difficult it is for his parents to make this decision. there is always the question of `what if...' and i can also appreciate the possible guilt that they will live with subsequently. sighs... i wish them strength and if it is his time to go, i wish him a smooth and painless journey... and that he may be surrounded by positive energy. time to let go...
yesterday, bee received a surprise call from the father of one of his good friend. apparently, bee had sent a christmas greeting to this friend but he did not respond. his father had called to tell him that his son has been in icu following a drowning incident and could not reply. joining the dots, we realized that the one reported in the papers was bee's friend. and it also struck me that i had actually met this guy a couple of times before. bee was a little affected by the news. i guessed anyone would be. and checking further, i learned that quite a few of my friends also know this guy and they have all been taking turns to visit him at the icu. from updates, i understood that he has not regained consciousness since and has been kept on life support machine. in addition, bee also told me his organs have mostly failed and that doctors have asked the family to consider taking him off the life support machine.
it is a sad thing to hear. i am sure any objective person would agree with the doctors and say that it is the most appropriate thing to do. but i also can understand how difficult it is for his parents to make this decision. there is always the question of `what if...' and i can also appreciate the possible guilt that they will live with subsequently. sighs... i wish them strength and if it is his time to go, i wish him a smooth and painless journey... and that he may be surrounded by positive energy. time to let go...
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