happy & sad

i brought my mum to the temples at paya lebar and kg baru over these two days. she had been rather insistent about going. and i could understand why. temples had been one of the pillar of my mum's life. all her life's happiness, sadness, disappointments, hopes, favours, etc had been uttered in front of the gods. and it had been her source of moral and spiritual support her whole life. far as i could recall, her requests had always been about the family's health, my smooth career, about my brother getting a wife, about him being blessed with good people and good fortune at work, etc. all very selfless and borned out of a mother's love for her children. in fact, this had been the angle of her requests all her life! and with every request fulfilled, she would dutifully go and make offerings as a form of thanks. and it was no different over the past two days. she had wanted to give thanks to the gods for answering the favours she had asked for me as well as my brothers. i guessed her motivation to want to give thanks despite her pain arose from her deep respect (or fear? heh heh...) of the gods. and after giving her thanks, i could see her face really brightening up. there was a huge sense of fulfillment of duty. it was such a happy sight to watch. and it made me feel so good. but at the same time, i also felt sad. and both days, she said she had been chided by my brother for wanting to go to the temple so often. i am sure his words were borned out of concern for her in case she fall down but i guessed he had uttered his words a bit too fast. if only he had held back and tried to understand why she wanted to do so. it was also regretful that my mum took it a little too negatively. as a result, she made up her mind that she would never go pray at temples again. and she made it very clear that the visit today would be her last. forever. and she even thanked me at the end of the visit. it felt weird hearing it. against the backdrop of how the temple and her life had been so inter-twined, i could imagine how lousy she must have felt to say it out. and putting myself in her shoes, i felt sad. very sad. and her words of thanks felt painful to me. it almost seemed like she's doing her final dues before leaving us for good. i might have over-dramatized a little too far, but i couldn't help it. it was hard not to think it this way when you hear the tone of her words. thinking of things this way, i felt a lump in my throat.